Tried to save a girl. 4chan said no.

>>18337833
Last:
Fast forward to this week and again, we work together so seeing her all the time has been hard. But she came into work drunk, yelled at our manager about stuff and stormed off with the new bf. Then her and her other friend that work there(as bartenders) started giving out free liquor to their boyfriends when they came in. One of the managers confronted them about this and they started pointing fingers at eachother(so much for friendship), our general manager then got involved along with the assistant manager. They tried to talk to them about it and offered a suspension, but the girls lost it and it became very ugly. Now it's gotten to the point where the GM told me that he was seriously considering firing them on the spot, but is giving them one last chance to explain themselves on Friday. So all good, right? Well not quite. I've been at that job for a long time and have earned a good amount of trust and respect there, so the GM straight up asked me what my thoughts were on the situation and I told him that based on their actions(Showing up to work drunk, giving out free liquor, partying at work and often ignoring customers) that they were in the wrong. But I don't know...a part of me feels "happy" that they're finally going to learn a lesson(maybe?) not to disrespect people/themselves and hopefully grow up. But the other part of me wants to laugh and say "Wow 4chan was right, I did dodge a bullet to my reputation/heart and this girl would have wrecked me". Yet...I don't want to see her go, I know, I know...I'm a cuck and bla bla. But am I stupid if I tell him to give them another shot? Or is just lingering feelings for someone who doesn't give a damn and maybe the best way I can help her, is by getting her fired and hoping she realizes that the drinking seriously needs to stop?

Paragraphs are important.

>>18337833
>>18337834

hey cuck-anon. I was in the first thread and told you that she was a crazy bitch or something along those lines and that you should forget her. I still stand by this. I don't know why you are so hung up about her. She clearly doesn't care about you AT ALL and you still somehow feel responsible or sorry for her?

Tell your boss to straight up fire them. I'm telling you if you ask him to give them another chance and they fuck it up again (which they likely will because they seem like very resentful people) the manager will blame you for sticking up for them. They aren't going to turn it around and they aren't going to 'reward' you if that's what you're hoping for.

>>18337886
I know she has very little redeeming qualities, I'm just wondering if this will make a difference to her. But that shouldn't bother me, right? I've saved someone once and got them a job, only for them to later embarrassed themselves/me by doing something incredibly stupid and getting fired. I guess I already knew the answer to this...but why do I always try and "save" people? wtf is wrong with me?

>>18337919
>wtf is wrong with me?

Beta as fuck. You think that 'saving' people will endear you to them, instead you get burnt and nothing changes.

>>18337919
No. It would literally do the opposite of making a difference. You would be rewarding her bad behavior. Women are like dogs you see.

Secondly, I don't know there's many possible reasons. If it's women only then it's probably your dick. If it's anyone than you're probably a "nice guy"/pushover and think that by being nice to someone that they will then repay the kindness and be nice to you.

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>>18337924
>>18337926

That's not it. I do it for both men and women. I just never really got a fair shot at things growing up(only minority family in a small white town), so I've kind of developed this mentality of giving people third chances and honestly wanting them to change for the better. I've always struggled with cutting people down when necessary, I guess it's time to start practicing. I'll let the GM know my decision tomorrow and leave it to God. Thanks boys/gals.

>>18337971

you're misunderstanding 'beta'

it has nothing to do with gender. You can be beta to your own gender.

also, your decision making is broke.

you don't give people another chance when you have no indication that they won't fuck up again. You give people another chance when you have some sort of sign that they won't fuck up again.

>>18337982
How do I improve then without coming off as an ass?

>>18337983
Where does this idea that you have to be an ass to avoid being a beta come from?

You can still be a nice, kind, and polite person who doesn't take shit and doesn't just doormat as soon as someone rings a doorbell.

Recognise that not all problems are yours to solve. Be there for your friends, but realise you can't force them to change. Do nice things and treat people with respect until they demonstrate that they are unworthy of it.

>>18337833
Oh my fucking god, you're also an INFJ aren't you?

>>18337834
>But am I stupid if I tell him to give them another shot? Or is just lingering feelings for someone who doesn't give a damn and maybe the best way I can help her, is by getting her fired and hoping she realizes that the drinking seriously needs to stop?

First and foremost, you need to ask yourself what your reaction would be if you were asked the question about any other MALE coworker.

OP, you are operating on at least one dimension too few in your moral analysis here. You've been at the job a long time, gotten a good amount of trust and respect there, to the point that your GM trusts your opinion enough to ask. Are you seriously going to betray your employer and coworkers by suggesting something you don't even believe yourself, that she deserves another chance?

Furthermore, if you feel too conflicted to give an answer, you should SAY SO to your GM. Tell him you feel conflicted and don't feel comfortable answering the question for personal reasons.

OP, the adult thing to do is to act in the best interest of the employer and the workplace, and NOT out of some fake altruistic hope to "help" her, whether by getting her fired or by getting her a second chance. She is a grown-ass woman capable of making her own decisions, and with all due respect, your casting this as a decision solely involving your feelings raises questions about how you would consider this girl's own autonomy. I wish this were a unique problem on /adv/, but it's not: Most of the questions ask for bright-line answers and presume the advice will lead to the hoped-for outcome.

My short answer for you, OP, is to give an objective response to your employer if you can. If you feel you can't, then respond that you can't. Otherwise don't grouse over the decision or the outcome. Do your job and make yourself a better person.

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>>18337833
>>18337834
You can't save her, dipshit. You can't save anyone. ANYONE. You can only help people, and the only people you can help are people who want your help and who want to help themselves. That is all you can ever do. Beyond that you have no power and no control to do anything at all for anyone. Repeat that over until it sticks in your thick head.

>>18338015
Well yeah, that's what I told him yesterday; that it was honestly up to him since they worked directly under him and that he knew the situation best. It was a weird spot to find myself in.

If she really cared about you she'd respect you for spining up and sticking up to her, telling her she's wrong for her own damn good.

I have an alcoholic friend who routinely drinks and drives but never does it when I'm around him because he respects that I never let it slide with him.

>>18337919
You're saving her by NOT preventing her from getting fired. Maybe it's the kick in the ass she needs to get her shit together.

>>18339228
That's kind of a cop-out anon. First off, he could've been sizing you up for a promotion, provided you showed good judgment and initiative. Just saying "I dunno man they're your underlings, you figure it out." shows no initiative or concern with what's going on in the workplace. Far better would've been "Yeah, I really don't feel comfortable giving my opinion on this just because I'm friends with [girl]; I just don't think I can give you an objective answer."

>>18340536
I don't say this to sound like I'm bragging, but I'm fine where I am in the company. They've asked me many times to take higher positions and I've politely declined. It's honestly because as he said, he trusts me to do the right thing and that's why he talked to me about it. I wasn't even there for the incidents that happened, so how could I say X or Y? I just told him to decide based on their employee files and their attitude when he tried to talk to them. I don't want to "indulge" in being happy if they get fired, and I don't want to defend them either due to mixed emotions. The best thing for me, was to tell him to check the employee files(Which were a clusterfuck of disciplinary actions for all three of them) and go from there.