Get it off your chest! - GIOYC

>>18336575
OP beat me to it by like ten seconds lol.

You've been in my dreams every night for awhile now L. Every time I am trying to reach you, to talk to you, and every time there is someone in the way or we just miss each other, or the dream devolves into this clusterfuck a la inception where walls go up between us and it doesn't matter what I do, I can climb over and instead of getting over a room will form that I can't get through. I try to walk around it and the wall just grows.

Well last night we met, and people still tried to get in the way, and you were mad at me for not being able to give all my attention to our conversation as I tried to get rid of them. As I was telling these people to just go, you left. I found you outside crying because everything was in the way.

what did my brain mean by this? also you're brunette in my dreams.

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I saw my cousins again yesterday. The girls have grown, and have started using makeup, talk about boys they like, swearing and watching movies and series they are far too young for.

Yet, they are still the same little girls that illuminated my life and made me feel happier than I had ever been, when I lived at my aunt's household 3 years ago and I still love them.

I do not know what I should feel. I am happy that I could see them again and actually spend time with them without having to worry about my aunt, but at the same time I am saddened by the feeling of loss I have due to how much they have grown.
The younger one was still first to hug me and sit next to me, and the older girl also did come sit besides me after a while. Hearing them laugh and chatting with them made me feel happy, but things were no longer the same.

What I know however, is that I want to still be a part of their lives. I need to resolve my schism with my aunt and put it past me, if I want to retain what remains of the bond I have with my cousins.

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>>18336617
ffs cousin poster, get help

There should be QTDDTOT threads on more boards.

Do you and everybody not realize how much shit I've been dealing with? Are you all actually that fucking dumb or chickenshit? And people wonder why I don't talk to them. It's not like any of what's happened recently has detracted from my goals, more or less just my mood. Still on track to making 6 figures, dreams are starting to take form more and more etc. It's just a manner of me working at it.
Also Im going to fly out there again just for shits and giggles

>>18336667
what the fuck? are you me? except flying out anywhere again. though I think soon I'm going to need to hop on a plane.

FUCK ME good will hunting is a good fucking movie. why is it raining in my room? fucking THE FEEEELLLLLS man. movie hits too close. fuck sake.

>>18336682
no but if you want to be my doppelganger the opportunity is there. We can work in shifts

I've been purposely fucking up captchas to mess with google's AI and data gathering. beginning to see results. getting pictures of signs and being asked to identify vehicles. gas stations and being asked to identify apartment buildings.

fuck you google you evil bastards.

>>18336620
I am seeing a therapist and have talked about this with him

>>18336692
What happened with your aunt?

>>18336579
Haha my bad, Kameraden. How are you today?

When do the antidepressants make me quit wishing I was dead?

>>18336719
never

If my game ends with me being surrounded by everyone clapping and a large text saying "CONGRATULATIONS" appears...

I'm going to fucking kill all of you.

R,

I am so sorry I don't love you anymore. You are still my best friend and I want to always be doing things with you, but the love is gone. I did joke about it, the fact that it's all chemical reactions in our brain, and after 5 years of being together, I was sadly proven right.
I don't feel attracted to you anymore. And I also feel that us being together for so long has made you complacent. You are no longer the person I fell in love with, with your plans and ambitions and the way you used to get everyone's attention. In a way, I know that it's all my fault, the fact that the comfort our relationship provided made you stop trying to get more out of life. And I can see that it's also making you unhappy, with all the arguments we have.

I am really sorry for everything, especially for the fact that you are a good person and you have literally done nothing wrong. But I want you to go out there and become great again, for your sake more than anything.

The worst part is that I keep lying to you about me being fine once you're gone. I won't. I will probably kill myself. This is the second long term relationship that ends this way, so clearly there's something wrong with me. Maybe I didn't motivate you enough.

Please forgive me.

I'm drawing a comission for someone and he decided to add stuff a ton of stuff mid-drawing. I'm letting it pass this time because I agreed to it, but I'm definitely stepping up my no client bullshit game.

>>18336736

This is my fear number one. Lucky I'm only on year 2. Three more to go then, I'll try to make the best of it. Even if it isn't forever, it's still worth it, no?

-R

You're a selfish, lying whore. You were the one who deserved to be in pain not me. You were the manipulator. I hope you understand what it feels like to walk around wanting to kill yourself constantly, because you deserve it. I hope all your stupid, vapid friends who convinced you that you were a good person for doing this shit die. They aren't good people either. You deserve for bad things to happen to you liar. You couldn't even break up with me yourself because you're such a spineless coward. You couldn't even be a decent enough person to give me any kind of closure. You and your friends laughed and made fun of me when I was in the hospital. You're a shitty person inside and out who deserves to suffer. This is all your fault.

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>>18336703
Had a row with her last year, that ended with her calling me a "threat" to my cousins and that I had made them anxious with my presence, which I took as an accusation of me being a pedophile which upset me to the point that I cut contact with her.
I didn't see or be in any contact with her or my cousins for over a year until last month when I saw them at my sister's graduation party.
There the behavior of my cousins made it clear that my aunt's accusations were bs, as the girls still kept seeking my company and acted like nothing had happened. It also made me realize that my attachment to them is still strong.

I saw the girls again yesterday as their older brother who's my age invited me over to their place. My aunt was away so I didn't have to confront her, though I was at first hesitant to go there precisely because my aunt was away. I didn't want to give the impression that the moment she is away I'll go visit the girls. Their brother convinced me that it was fine for me to visit given that he invited me.

It was nice seeing the girls again. They still are the light of my life.

Did you really have to wait a month into the relationship to tell me you were straight? I loved you. I told you all my secrets, and then right after you break my heart you want to complain to me about relationship problems? I couldn't care less about you not being able to date him. if you still want to be my friend, please stop talking to me about him. It hurts too much. And if you can't do that, get out my fucking life.

You're not subtle at all.
I don't need to 'accept' that I have to stay at my place. I already know that. God damn can you just trust me for once?
I'm moving on and it's quite stupid.

I am drunk and stalking my ex online. I am reading his posts on a minecraft forum in 2011 because I am sad and I miss his sense of humour.

Does it ever get any better?

>>18336893
Yeah, give it time.

I hate this, I wish it'd be just the two of us going through life together. No outside interference, no jealous friends. Just me and you, loving life and loving being together. Feeling finally whole again.

Sadly, that day will never come.

>>18336913
18 months. Fuck.

He wasn't even fun in 2011.

>>18336575
I eat ass

>>18337031
We have so much in common.

I want to be a pretty lady so badly. I spend far too much time looking up outfits and shoes and makeups and... :(

I want to die.

I recently started talking to this girl again. I stopped talking to her because i felt like shit around her. She had feelings for me but I was way more into her than she was into me. I got too attached and got jealous whenever she got with other guys. I thought things would be different but nothings changed, I still obsess over her, overthink and continue to mentally fuck my self over her. She cares a lot about me but I think it was a mistake to reconnect with her.

I want to forget you, to get over you... Please stay out of my life

>>18337208
I feel you anon, she keeps coming back into my life and its just fucking with my head.

First of all, forgive my english. Please don't judge. I just want to tell this story once again.

I got my heart broken four years ago when I didn't even know what the word "love" meant. Ever since, I never got really interested in anybody. I dated many boys, but none of them made me crazy. I would go out with them once, two or three times max, I even slept with some of them, but they didn't satisfy me. I sometimes got angry with myself because I felt that all that I was doing was playing with them, and I do care about people's feelings, but I couldn't do anything about it :( it's the way I am.

However, there's this guy. He's the lead guitar in my best friend's band. I met him like two years ago, I think, when the other guitarrist wanted me in the band too. I was shocked to see he was the same guy I once saw some months before, dating a gorgeous girl from my town. He was so fucking handsome. He still is, maybe more than before. He's the type of person whose voice you'll never hear unless you're a friend.

Some months passed and my best friend started to play in his band. When my friends met him, they all went crazy. They started to idealize him without knowing anything about him, which made me lose interest (and besides, he had a girlfriend). I thought that he may be a lot less than what he seems, but I've been always conscious about how physically beautiful he is. I spent a whole year like that. The fact that everybody loved him just because he SEEMED like a cool person bothered me a bit. In the meantime, he and his gf split up. But still, I was not interested.

Last December we had an actual "conversation". We joked a bit, he was drunk and stoned. He's really into weed. I kind of liked him. Then ignoring him became harder.

Two months later he throw a "party" if I can call it by that. We're not clubbing people, but we're not nerdy either. We like good music. However, nobody attended that "party". We were like, I don't know, twenty or twenty five people?

So I feel like I've got a few health problems but doctors always make me out to be a hypochondriac (britbong) My larynx feels as though it's stabbing into my neck like it's dislocated on the left side, I feel like it has affected my speech, talking is pretty uncomfortable, I get an infectiony type feel in the area I'm describing often as well. Yawning feels uncomfortable, coughing, I can't do any sort of high note. I've got perma swollen glands behind my ears that I get shooting pains in occasionally as well but I've been to the doctors several times and they seem to think it's all normal, I went to an ENT and got an ultrasound on the area too. (This was a year ago and I'm still having the same issues it has consumed my life since it started around 15-16 to now I'm 20) I've got an appointment to go back and have a camera down my throat I think in June but I feel like I'm gonna miss out on a lot of shit during this time just waiting on these appointments. If it's not resolved this time around I think I'll probably kms. What do u guys think? I try my best to soldier through it, I'm not sure if people can notice the problem in my speech or whatever I've never asked cos I think the reply would make me feel like a freak and I'd wanna die even more

Did you guys not let her buy more pop because of the caffeine?

You're really starting to piss me off. I'm for sure going to start smoking just to spite you assholes.

Why do I have to watch my health? I'll be dead in 10 years. It doesn't fucking matter.

I want to make this work. I want to show you that no matter what your thoughtmares lead you to conclude, more satisfying ways to live than neetdom exist. The physical changes I must accomplish for you are one thing, you're behaviour is another. Somewhere in the middle we can meet to accomplish the lifestyle we both desire. It can be done within a few short years. If I have to do it all alone, to live the life you've obsessed over for years without you doing your part, then I shall leave you with your regrets.
What really gets me is i have absolutely zero expectations of you, i accept who you are, however you have crippled yourself with doubt and an abundance of loathing for those who love you. Maybe at some point, when life has you truly beaten, you'll shrug your pride and say I was right all along. At that point I'd be a fool to be kind and open my door to you, or so many have told me. Love is blind my friend, you would be wise not to abuse anothers darkness.

>>18337236

Sorry. I didn't know I write so much.

Anyway, my way to go through the night in an empty place with a shitty dj was getting drunk. Really drunk. A guy that I like approached me and we talked for an hour, but I don't really remember clearly about what. Then he just went away and I was like, wtf dude? But some minutes later HE came. The voiceless man. We also talked for an hour about nothing, and then I realised that most of my friends were already gone, leaving me, my best friend, this guy and 4 or 5 more people. Due my drunk state, I didn't care a shit about anything. I just knew that I wanted to be with him. The other guy talked to me for an hour and went away; I didn't want that to happen again, so I told my bf to wait some minutes. I went back in and suddenly, I don't know how, we were making out. Then he invited me to his house. I was quite shocked, since everybody likes him so much and he's not really a player, I didn't expect that to happen. So I went. Not much happened though because I was going through 'those days'. I didn't want it to end there, so I left my choker in his bed so he had to give it to me (really clever huh?)

Some days later he invited me to his house again and we slept together. We talked for two hours before anything happened. Then everything changed. I realised he was all that everybody thought about him, and more.

After that, we talked for like a month and he didn't ask me out. and I'm too idiot to ask him. He's just too weird. For real, he doesn't act like a regular person. He's weird, but in a cool way. Sort of. We met a few times but with other friends. Then we just stopped talking. I always got bored because he can't hold a conversation, unless the conversations make no sense at all. That's fun, but I like to have interesting conversations about anything also, like everybody, right?

We started talking again some weeks ago and he invited me to where they practice. I was on my fucking period again.

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Where is a good site to have a computer build? I have a good gfx card, a 1070. I have a intel quad 2.67 cpu. So i need a need mb and cpu i am guessing? What about this old DDR3 RAM?

Can I tell you guys something?

I do not like my girls insane.

It's just that... they all turn out to be batshit fucking crazy after that first little bit. They all lie to me about who they are, what they like, and what they are about. Eventually, they show their true nature and by that point it's too late.

So no, I do not like my girls insane. I like nice girls, pretty girls that like to make art, play video games, stay inside and snug the day away. That's what they all pretend to be to trick me into liking them.

Because they are crazy as fuck.

Sometimes I cry because I know I will die a khv

>>18337304
>Intel quad 2.67
How do you manage to wake up every morning?

>>18337295

And here comes the complaining.

This motherfucker talks to me whenever he wants, he makes me think that he's into me, then he stops doing it, then we can't hold a single conversation because HE'S SO WEIRD, so I don't answer, and then he talks to me AGAIN, but he never asks me out, then he tells me he hates relationships and I do too, but he's just too conscious about his beautifulness and he probably thinks that I'll fall for him (the first time we were together he told me he didn't want me to fall for him. yes, he did). What the fuck does he want? He KNOWS that whenever he tells me to go to his place I'll go. He always does the same and I'm fucking tired of it. I would be his fucking sex toy guys, I don't know, he just has to say the word but he doesn't. BUT, he still talks to me all the time. And then he stops. What the fuck.

It makes me so angry because nobody messes me up so much. I'm tired of him playing with me. If he only invited me to his house regularly, I wouldn't mind being treated like that, because at least I'd get sex. But he doesn't. Does he prefer to jerk off or what? I could do that for him, you know. And I wouldn't ask for love because I don't want that either.

Ugh I'm so fucking tired. When he messages me I spent the whole day waiting for something, but it never happens. Maybe he teases me a bit but that's it. He always does that. What the fuck am I supposed to think? I just want to sleep with him whenever we want. Whenever HE wants. And I hate myself for thinking like that, because I'm not worthless and there are other guys who'd love to be with me. But this is the only fucking asshole who drives me crazy.

When we're together we work out so fine, but he doesn't care. I want to be a cold bitch again. I don't want to be so obsessed with a guy. But he's so fucking hot and interesting. I would be over him if he just stopped talking to me, but he won't stop.

I don't expect advice guys, I just wanted to get it off of my chest.

Occasionally if I have a really bad shit that toilet paper won't fix then I'll use my sink as a bidet.
I live in the States where they're essentially nonexistent. Learned what they were on a trip to Italy.

>>18337343
That's completely reasonable, maybe use wet wipes instead of tp to avoid any awkwardness of u pulling the sink off the wall or getting shit on the taps.

>cold sore came through
>refused to go away for like a week and a half
>it finally went away and stayed away for a few days
>woke up this morning
>corners of my mouth stung while yawning
>large sores at the previous trouble area and now the other corner of my mouth is feeling tingly
for the love of god, give me a break already. it's never been this bad before.

>>18337261
Bump, how would u people cope with this

>>18336859
Kill yourself already. I am so tired of seeing your borderline pedophilia shit about your cousins.

My mother made me socially retarded by homeschooling me and basically cutting me off from any social situations from the time I was 7 years old all the way through high school. I'm an adult with a job now who is around people all the time, but I still don't know how to talk to anyone. All of my coworkers talk shit about me being the "weird" "quiet" one who no one likes to be around behind my back.

Over the weekend I convinced myself that a girl likes me, based on her attitude and body language towards me.

Now I'm going to be stuck watching for more signs, and end up saying something idiotic, because I got my hopes up.

How do you guys get over the fact that an ex is now dating someone disgusting, older and convicted of felonies?
They started dating last month and she already has a tattoo on her ring finger of the day they started dating.

>>18337426
she thinks you're an axe murderer. nothing to be done. if you're deemed safe the friend will likely fuck off, if either of the girls think you're weird she'll stick around. are you weird anon?

>>18337448
just talk to her and ask her out. fuck looking for signs.
>>18337462
why do you care about an ex? if it causes you such suffering why would you not endeavor to forget her completely?

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Met a gorgeous girl randomly last week, and we'd been talking non stop. We had our 3rd date last night at a fancy restaurant I took her too, went back to my place to just listen to music, smoke, and talk all night. Ended up having sex and she fell asleep on my chest, and we got lunch today and she kept holding my hands and told me how much she liked me. I like her a lot too but fuck I'm scared of commitment and I dont know what to do

>>18337473
I assume alot of people would get effected if an ex started going out with an ugly middle aged convicted felon. I don't love her anymore but it doesn't mean that I don't worry about someone's well being.

>>18337477
Firm it anon, date her.

>>18337328
>>18337295
>>18337236
>my bf
>being this degenerate
>being this much of a slut
>having a bf that is that much of a cuck and accepts it
you are what is wrong with the world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En0rI3rcX5o

sort yourself out.

E, I like you. Wish I could spend more time with you, because I think you're pretty special. -E

>>18337475
yeah well welcome to modern society women are taught to fear all men specifically to break down the fabric of society by attacking the trust between the genders and therefore the stability of relationships. you're just gonna have to deal with it and try to make her see that she's afraid for no reason and that what she's been taught is stupid, or that the environment that she puts herself in where that sort of thinking actually applies, is stupid.
>>18337489
maybe if I were still in my late teens and very early twenties. but I'll tell you that by the time you reach 26 you'll learn that worrying about exes that don't even think about you is unhealthy.

and if you go on over to /pol/ and take some redpills you'll be less of a cuck as well.

>>18337507
I'm 25
/pol/ is for retards I think I'd rather just be a sad cuck

>>18337522
my bad you act like your about 19

well you surely are lol. you're acting like a bitch boy to someone that obviously doesn't give a shit about you. you understand? you're trying to white knight for someone that doesn't love you. she is not coming back to you mate. she's probably with that guy because he's at least not a cuck.

stop being a beta faggot.

/soc should be shut down. Just threads that go nowhere unless you interested in dick pics

>>18337538
I act like I'm a cuck and a 19 year old because I'm worried about someone I was in love with being a felon?
Why are you in /adv/? Please go back to /pol/, this is no place for projection

>>18337544
being with*

>>18337492
fuck man im scared of this shit, given my shitty past with girlfriends. I guess thats just a risk you gotta take

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saved over 200 photos of spider girls and rubbed off to one impregnating me wth is wrong with me..

I'm an asshole for this, but I'm trying to sleep with a former co-worker of mine. She's a young mother of two who recently ended things with her fiance. She's stressed out about a lot, looking for work, and all that.
Even though I know it's too soon, I'm trying to hit her up but I feel I'm coming off too nice. I want to be more upfront about taking her out to get her mind off things, but not sure how it'll go over. Better then being subtle and wasting our time though. I'll do it later this week.

>>18337564

>I'll do it later this week

Do it now. If it works, nice. If not, you aint got shit to worry about later in the week

>>18337544
no you're a cuck because you broke up with someone or they broke up with you and you are incapable of trying to insert yourself into their life or try to whiteknight for them.

is she making a possibly stupid decision? yeah. is it your responsibility? no. does she want your interference? I'm gonna guess not. what's more, because you're trying to white knight I don't really trust your characterization of the guy. whiny betacucks tend to neg as they whiteknight as a weak attempt into the pants of the women they obsess over.

if you're so worried and he's such a bad dude thats gonna like kill her or whatever you think he's gonna do, why are you only posting on an anonymous czechoslovakian camel racing enthusiast forum? if he was actually a scary dude you'd be talking to her about it or letting her parents or friends know. I'm betting the reality is just that you don't like the guy your ex is with cause you can't cope with her not being yours.

it doesn't matter who she is dating. her life is not your responsibility. your responsibility is your life and caring about people that don't care about themselves or you is unhealthy.

she's an adult, she gets to make stupid choices. I made the mistake of giving too much of a shit about an ex that made a bunch of stupid choices both during and after our breakup. the stress and the anguish fucking kill. its not healthy man and you're wasting your life caring.

>>18337569
Maybe I'm over thinking it, but I had already talked to her earlier today and the convo died. Read the message and everything. Would it be ok to ask suddenly?
Tab is open, so I'll do it if it's advised

>>18337552
stop smoking pot and dating girls that smoke pot and you'll cut your chances of having problems by like 80%.
>>18337563
sort yourself out son.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTjZvlKfNtk

>>18337584
>ncapable of not trying

>>18337564
>She's a young mother of two who recently ended things with her fiance
BAD. NEWS. BEARS.
JUST KEK YOUR LIFE UP SON.
for what purpose anon? are you incapable of thinking with anything other than your dick?

>>18336575
Ive been feeling down for a long time and im not entirely sure what to do.

I have this stupid anxiety disorder that makes me flip the fuck out over every god damn thing. I take some vitamins that help, but nothing really does the trick. I cant even get my license because im terrified of driving.

At work i always feel so incompetent compared to all my co workers. They have been there for years and im the youngest one there, always fucking up. Everyone hates me, i know it.

The relationship im in is almost dead, and i find myself wanting someone new and maybe even children. I love you to death, but youre dead inside and we both know it. Weve had so many talks and so many late night debates over this, yet you never change. I feel so selfish for saying this, but i cant stop myself. Its been years. Do you even care?

And worst of all is you, dad. I miss you. I miss you so fucking much and its not fair. I text your phone knowing youll never ever answer me, begging you to text back even just one time. I even tried stupid fucking psychics and that board you always made fun of me for having just for the chance to speak to you one more time. You dying was absolute bullshit. You begged me to save your life and i failed. Why couldnt i die too? Why did you leave me so alone here?

>>18337606
Yes.
Now help me get laid

>>18337611
I'll not help you become a father to two children who are not yours and live a soul crushing cucked life.

I want to die.

I have nothing to look forward to. I'm just going to turn into a vegetable until the disease finally kills me. What's the fucking point to live anymore?

And it's not like you fucking pricks are letting me do anything.

I want to die. Please, just fucking kill me now. It would be easier for everyone involved. No one would care. They really wouldn't.

>>18337625
What disease and why do you want to die?

>>18337648
early onset dementia.

Apparently, death comes within 8-10 years of being diagnosed.

I realize I'm doomed to not having meaningful relationships or that I'll father a child of my own.

Still wanna have dirty, nasty sex with a 9/10 before I die.

>>18337650
How old are you? What caused it?
Maybe look into ways of keeping your brain healthy and active and let it become a hobbie to you, maybe lift and get yolked, maybe even roid because fuck it if you're gonna be dead in 10 years you may aswell right? Do everything you've ever wanted to do senpai, unless your disease inhibits that, then I'd suggest just working around it, positivity helps boost the immune system no? Do you wanna spend your last years being a depressed moody fuck?

>>18337661
>Do you wanna spend your last years being a depressed moody fuck?
you say that like it's a choice.

Why do so many people just not understand how depression works? Like, at all?

>>18336865
Tell her she's hurting you.

Also try not to get attached to people you aren't dating.

>>18337592
I probably only smoke once or twice every month or 2. I dated a girl who was completely anti pot but it just annoyed me how prude she was about the whole thing. fuck I gotta think on this shit

>>18337661
Oh fuck off anon.

OH YOU HAVE EARLY ONSET DEMENTIA? BOOH OO BUCK UP AND SMILE CHAMP!

fuck you and fuck people like you.

To the anon sick...i hope its painless brother. Do something worth while.
Go out with a bang.

>>18337661
>>18337667
I want to say, there is one medication that super duper helps improve my quality of life a great deal but the doctors won't give it to me for some fucking retarded reason. Adderall.

I seriously don't understand why they won't give me my meds. I'm not going to be alive long enough for them to do any damage. And any damage they do end up doing won't fucking matter. I'll be fucking dead.

God, please just either kill me or give me a way to not hate life. Why the fuck are you torturing me?

>>18337674
Listen faggot I was trying to help I don't know shit about dementia.

>>18337680
So use adderall if you truly know it's helping

R-
I don't understand. Why did you do the things you did? Why do you lie to me, Is it to protect yourself or what?
I know the truth and I ask specific questions yet you still lie blatantly to my face. I fucking hate you for that.
But you're also my best friend, maybe I'm not yours, but you're mine. You've made me so happy since you hooked me up with your best friend. Thank you.
I just don't know if I want to be around you anymore. Shit happens, I understand but what you did isn't just as forgivable as one, two, three. It takes time, you can't expect me to be over this so fucking quick.
I hate you. But I also love you.
I don't want to have feelings for you, but I do. I can't help it. I don't know what the fuck it is, but I just can't stop, I've tried and tried but I can't.
I hate you, our friendship is toxic but I need it l.

Just need to vent about how terrible I feel, my GF of 8 years left me a few of months ago. I feel completely lost, was certain this was who I was going to spend my life with, and she gives me a half-hour conversation that basically boils down to "I don't know why, but I just don't feel that way about you." How do I move on from this? She's seeing another guy now and I haven't even begun to move on.

>>18336575

I just wish I could experience what a romantic relationship feels like for once.

It kills me to watch life pass me by as I try to 'fix myself' yet people with less than I seem to enjoy themselves with relationship and healthy social lives. I've had two casual encounters with girls which 'liked' me before, yet none of those lasted more than a few days. I've been through the woman-hate phase, I've been through the lifting-like-there's-no-tomorrow phase, and it's all just so tiring. It's something that feels so trivial, so easy to do, yet I cannot accomplish. It's frustrating to be told to 'lower my standards' when they are already rock bottom. I look around and I see everyone I knew got their shit together in regards to this. Some are unemployed, some are junkies, some are poor, yet all of them seem to hop in and out of relationships constant and effortlessly. I was also told not to expect stuff that makes other people happy to make me happy as well, but what do I do when this stuff is exactly and precisely what I long for? I used to share my appartment with a gay dude, and things were so smooth. He didn't ever lift and his body was subpar, yet he seemed to bring a new guy home every week or so. If he ever felt lonely, he'd bring Tinder up and arrange something for the night. And it worked, and he wasn't exactly good looking either.

It's all so frustrating.

I'm tired of this constant nagging in my head. I'm tired of it telling me that it's all my fault, that I could have done so much more, I let her go, I could have stopped it.

I know I fucked up, just leave me alone, let me move on. I want to feel as happy as I act again.

I really need someone to talk with right now but I have no friends. I've only been talking to one person for the past year (over facebook messenger) and I don't really trust her all that much and so I don't really let it all out with her.
I would cry if I could.
Sometimes being such a loner is hard

I tried to reach out to people. Tried to be their friend. I was never smooth or cool or interesting enough for people to want to hang out with me much less talk to me.

Yet at the end of high school, people comment about how quiet, how introverted and mysterious I was?
Man love being insulted casually about how no one gave a shit about me. All these years later it's still the same old shit, I'm only good for passing conversation, no one wants to spend time around be, then they'll paint it as me being soooo introverted xD

Fuck you.
I'm so lonely, and I can't seem to break out of it.
And it still hurts.

I feel like a walking corpse and that I'm running off of borrowed time

You're entirely what set off my depression I lied. This shit is your fault and always will be

>>18336575
im still cheating on my wife. the chick im seeing is staying in my town for a few days in a motel. shes trying to find an apartment closer to her work and also not have to have roomies. ill be going over there to fuck hewr before work and also after work. ive also been fucking her at work on her lunch. so on top of that, im fucking a married woman about once a week and im also trying to hook back up with another married slut.
>inb4 guilty
>inb4 black
>inb4asshole
>inb4 loldontcarewhatufagssay
>inb4 iqwillgetcumminginsideofthesebitchesthengoinghometomywifetofuckandcumin

Every once in a while something reminds me of an inside joke I had with my ex. And I think, wow, I'm never going to laugh about that again. I really wish things had been different.
I hope this feeling stops once I date someone else.

>>18336617
Seriously dude enough

>>18337592
>how pornography affects on young men

Does this work for girls, too?

t. femanon

>>18336575
I REGRET PICKING THE EASY WAY OUT. I CARED AND NOW IM PRACTICALLY GOT THE SAME FEELING AS IF I GOT CHEATED. BUT I BROKE UP WITH THR BITCH WAY BEFORE. FUCK RELATIONSHIPS FUCK WHITE WHORES AND FUCK YOU. FUCK THIS SHIT I WISH O COULD BREAK HER HEAD OPEN WITH A METAL BASEBALL BAT.

i had a great day doing things independently, out by myself, today and then i come home and my gf honestly instantly makes it bad. it shouldn't be like this, right?

>>18337825
What the fuck did I do to you?

t. OP

>>18337800
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xJqWXKyhlc

porn isn't good for anyone. this vid is the only thing by jordan peterson I know of for women and porn.

>>18337839
Thanks, anon. :)

El dia que te pregunte ¿Con quien texteas tanto? Y respondiste "mi novio" -ese mismo dia te iba a preguntar si tenias novio. La vida no perdona, Claudia. Pero les deseo lo mejor.

oh it's this again.

you guys make me feel like rudolph and I just want to work on my car and ghost the world. why do you have to be so tiresome and vague and act like youre so above me?

I want to die. Not in the vague kind of "i would not hate being dead right now" kind of depression I'd been living in, but full on suicidal. I failed out of my PhD, which means years of schooling and massive debt wasted on nothing. I'm 25 and moving back in with my parents, and will have to find a job at a fucking McDonalds or something just to pay off my loans. I have no idea what to do with my life now, and every prospect sounds terrible. What is even the point.

Despite what everyone one says, your short comings, I still care about you despite it feeling unrequited sometimes I still have faith in you and hope we can keep going

I just want to hold and kiss someone I love for once

Cynthia,

Please clear up all this "friends with my ex" business once and for all. I know we're not together anymore and you don't technically owe me anything but I don't want to look back at our happy times and think they were all a sham because of the major possibility you were a cheating cunt. :(

I have no reason to trust or form strong connections with women. I get every other need fulfilled except sex by other things. I get told I'm a fool or need to grow up but my life has gotten better since I cut major contact with women.

Hey
I'm D and i miss you so much, i talk to you inside my head all the time. i wish we could talk. Are you still here?

I want to add my crush on Facebook but I also don't want to.

I miss you. I really liked you. I still really like you. I would legit cuddle with my blanket pretending it was your body I was holding. The first time I saw you, I couldn't look away. I thought to myself, "This girl is so cute."
You weren't the prettiest girl in the room others said, but too me you were the most gorgeous cutie on the planet. They said you were the slutty girl that's only for fun and I stupidly believed them. They said you had this and that, and I still believed them. I shouldn't have listened to them. I shouldn't have gotten insecure and jealous about you. I'm sorry I caused you pain and anguish, last year especially I caused you to much grievance, instead of being honest with my feelings, I played with yours. I loved seeing the cute green shorts of yours and hearing your sweet voice. I'm deeply sorry that I didn't have the guts to ask you out. Please find a guy that can love you and care for you ten times better than I can or I'll ever will .
I hope you have an amazing summer vacation. Stay safe in CO, don't get too high.
I really want to see you soon, but for now I must wait. Bye G.M.M. I'll miss you.

>>18337948
Don't do it. Crushes are only that: people that'll crush your heart.

No. Fuck off.
Yeah I fucked up, I made my mistakes and hurt you. But you treated far worse than I deserved. Now after I worked pass all my shit, after I finally clawed my my way of the hole my depression and ptsd became, you come back? You come back telling me you been dreaming about me, that you missed me the whole time? Nah, fuck you.

For weeks you never made mention of me. You hardly ever asked if I was okay. I'm sorry but no. There's a reason we fell apart, and while you really seem to blame me for everything, I no longer care. So hold on to that dream version of me, because that's the only way youll be with me. You had your chance to talk this out, to work pass our fuck ups together. You didn't want that then. Why now?

It's alright, well, I mean I'll be alright. I'm getting in shape again, my knees are better. Going back to school and looking at the brighter side of my job. Your cold shoulder, I thank you for it. It hurt or be with you, a lot. You were my most trusted friend, my lover, you were my everything. You were. Not anymore. I lost you due to my illness, and it hurt like hell. But, thanks to that pain, I learned how to finally control it. It made me stronger. No, I made myself stronger.

I wasn't as immature as you said, just troubled. After analyzing our relationship I realized that I always knew what I wanted for us. You didn't know, and you didn't have enough respect to tell me you wanted out. But I could tell. Still, I do think about you, from time to time. But, that's what you are to me now, memories and I think I rather just be that to you.

You held back what you needed to say for years, and you acted like I was dead to you for months. Now, let me be what you wanted me to be, a ghost.

>>18337956
Ok that's enough for not tome thanks anon.

I feel really guilty because I touch myself to the thought of his boner. It doesn't help that you're rarely hard and all I feel is soft mush when we're kissing. I feel like I'm cheating on you everytime I do it. If I'm sexually distant, it's because of it. I'm sorry. I wish we were sexually compatible....

Every day I want to lay in my bed and cry. When I get off work, I want to lay in my bed and cry.

I chose this because I cared for you and wanted to make you happy. You told me to pick it for myself and have it be something I wanted, but I wanted it for you deep down.

I wish I didn't love you.
I've started praying a lot more about you than I normally do. I keep hoping that I will stop loving you.
I think that I'm starting to cry more because of this. I've had you in my head for a long time, and now that I'm trying to move on, I just want to cry because I have nothing to look forward to.
I won't even see you the rest of this week even though I could.
I wish you cared for me as much as I did you. I wish I had someone else.
I've been alone all my life, and I just wanted someone. I wished with all my heart that someone could have been you.
Even if I am doing my best to finally move on, I would still choose you in a heartbeat.

I am so stupid.

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I hate myself because every girl I am with leaves me after a month and I try to make it work but you just make the bullshit excuse of saying "you aren't worth my time" and I make time out of my way to hang out with you and you just avoid me

>>18338016
Listen anon. That isn't normal. If every chick is bailing after a month, the x factor here is you. Either something wrong with you, or something wrong with the type of chick you go after. It's time for some serious introspection.

I'm been so happy about how my life has been progressing lately, but recently I just found out three of my friends have depression within the same week.

I literally pulled myself out of my own weird funk that lasted a year and a half. I don't know how to help them other than constantly talking to them and letting them vent to me, letting them know I care, etc. I never told anyone I had suicidal thoughts or anything (did drop hints that nobody seemed to pick up though) because I didn't want to seem attention seeking. No, this does not mean I think they're seeking attention. I genuinely sympathize with them, but I'm so fucking useless and my "you've got to help yourself" feels like some half-assed advice when it's actually the best I've got.

How the fuck do I help them?? I've also recommended them that they confide in their parents as well, since two of them are close with their parents/siblings. One is and the other is being hesitant (understandable, since he had been put in therapy a few times as a child for semi-related reasons).

I want to shower them with love and friendship, but I'm also low on money and time. I try to make time and I try to prioritize their happiness whenever we hang out without seeming like I'm being a people pleaser, but it feels like it never works. Either that or it's always temporary, then it's back to square one the next time I talk to them.

I'm so frustrated at my inability to help them in better, more effective ways.

>>18337940
That depends, is the dude you wish to talk to a J?

Miss you H. I passed the bar exam last fall. I'm handling my family's legal woes and planning on going for a federal district court clerkship once those are settled.

You would've been proud to see me graduate law school. I wish I hadn't been such an asshole to you the summer before I started. I know you've moved on, and to be honest I've moved on as well... but now and again I still think about you and the good times we had in college.

Love ya.
-C

became painfully aware of just how bad my autism is today

i'm destined to be a lonely failure forever

The fear of what will be there for me if I kill myself is holding me back, I'm a coward after all, but sometimes I'm not. Can't believe I came this far when I was so sure I wouldn't see 2017. Inshould have killed myself sooner, but I love so many little things that I just wanted to love a little bit longer and now I'm the guest that has been here for too long and has to go. Not leaving a note, look how fucking much I talk. It would be a big rididulous book and have no conclusion.

>>18338080
it's alright europoor. it'll be alright.

>>18337414
No. You can hide my posts if you are so bothered by them.

I've been depressed for 10+ years. They call it schizoaffective depression. I don't talk to my friends no more and it feels lonely. Dont got the motivation to get a job

I'm sorry I have control and attachment issues. I'm doing my best to bury them around you.

It's because I've been so alone and now I'm finally not. I couldn't be happier but the problem with that is fear of losing the happiness.

I'm a girl who has the brain of a mildly autistic man. I'm not tranny, I like being a woman. It's just how I process/understand/humor/react but I still look very feminine.

>Female friends are too sensitive/not logic minded
>Males just want to fuck me

Only true friends are a gay man and morbidly obese woman who's tough as nails - in the best way.

Mech eng student constantly surrounded by men but can never form a friendship group because I'm the only woman and there's no connecting factor.

There is one other girl, she's mean to me for reasons I'm not sure of. Literally won't even look at me...

I'm just tired of being independently alone. I have good grades, and it'll be worth it in the end...I just feel so utterly exhausted right now. Beat.

I could really use a hug right now. Just some form of comfort to make me feel okay with life. Something to stop me from overthinking and over exaggerating my mistakes, successes, just anything I do.

>>18338311
Are you a female ?

>>18338325
Yes, xir has a feminine penis.

guy that raped my ex wife gets out of jail soon, been having intrusive thoughts about killing him soon as he gets out, can't talk to my shrink about it or he'll do shit

>>18338072
Not OP but as a matter of fact, yes.

I really need about tree fiddy

I made plans but now anxiety kicks in
Fucking shit

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>>18338476

god fucking shit stop making me laugh and smile. you're too good to be true.

>>18338496
>tfw no girl will ever think this about you

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>>18338498

does it make me crazy that I'm seriously falling for a youtuber reporter girl and actually think I would have a chance if I could only ask her out? is this some modern madness only made possible by technology?

she puts out a bunch of stuff that I look at and go "yes! holy shit she gets this shit even if we aren't 100% on the same page." "holy shit she's not just pretty she's also sitting here making salient points and jokes." "woah that's exactly how I think about this complex topic that seems to be so commonly fucked up in today's society". and then I find out she's likely single but no one knows, someone says she said once it's hard to find a bf, and I start thinking "I mean I've gotta ask this woman out, if we met in any other setting than this one sided sort of watching her very sort of complex, personal content that's what I would do". and then some of her content sort of hints at the guy she wants occasionally and I just go "wait I like that thing" "wait, I do that thing" "wait I want to do that thing but I've never had the person where I could show that part of myself" and it just enforces in my mind, what if we could make each other happy? or as jordan peterson would say, "ease the suffering and pain that is life and give each other moments of joy"

Is that madness? she must get asked out all the time but at the risk of being just another weirdo fanboy that asks her out... I think I have to do it. I spend so long between relationships looking for someone that I think is actually a good match because I don't do casual relationships that I don't think I can pass up this feeling.

yes or no we'll just find out whenever I meet her in person.

fuck sake the internet is weird and has done weird things to society. I'm gonna have some real crazy stories for my kids someday.

I had a very bad encounter yesterday.
I was just walking though the city, listening to music.
Then some guy smiled at me, he was 30 years old, and stupid me smiled back and even supported the dialogue, because I decided to practice my social skills and just didnt want to be rude. But later things started to get weird, he started touching me on shoulder, then offered to buy beer and food (which I agreed, I had no money), then he said how soft my t-shirt feels and always looked me in the eyes, wanted my phone number (of course I gave him fake) Fuck I was really creeped out, so I told him "I really need to go to sleep" and went with him to train station. Then his train finally arrived, I was glad to get rid of him, but on my way back he tapped my shoulder and said "he left the train because I was so sad".
Fucking weirdo. Then I just said "I need to go" and left.
He probably was fucking gay.
Now I feel disgusted with myself for hanging around with him for 2 hours. I try to justify my behaviour by practicing social skills, eating free food at his expense and just being a polite person, but if next time something like this happens I am just going to say "Fuck off you creep", I dont care. I feel emasculate for not having balls to tell it straight.
How to get rid of that feel of disgust for being too nice? Now I understand how girls can be creeped out.
Fuck I am really disgusted with him, it is because of people like this creep street-approaching is seen as creepy.

>>18338296
Try a hiring agency. they do the hiring for you.

I have a deep seated resentment for my girlfriend because she was a slut in highschool, and I was a completely different person to her socially

C, I miss your jokes.

L.

>>18338629
Forgive her. All you can do. There was a girl I used to talk shit about in high school for behaving like a slut. Today, she's a local musician, and her performances made me see a side of her that kinda made me feel shitty about the things I said then. But even back then I still hung out with her, she was just so different that I felt like she was from another world. Hating her wont help..

>>18336575
Kristin I miss you so much. I want to talk to you so bad. I want to kill myself. I want to see you. I'm going fucking insane.

>>18338589
>street-approaching is seen as creepy.
thanks for the reminder that approaching anyone without introduction is now considered creepy. :/

>>18338662
At least now I can start off with genuine and honest "Look, I know some people are fucking creepy here, but you just caught my eye with "x"."

>>18338650
I want to send her a message guys. I wanna do it. Its only been 3 days but I want to. I'm gonna do it no matter how many people not to. But I want to know how long I should wait before I do. I feel like a month or two should be good. What do you all think?

>>18338703
Share the context and allow us to help you

Idk why my gut drops when I interact with you.
It's not a pleasurable feeling, it was at one point but not now.


Still miss how we used to hang out all the time though.

>>18338737
My gf broke up with me because of several reasons: She didnt like my manners, she didnt think I was a particularly good person and most of all I was insensitive and we got in a lot of arguments.
I suggested we be friends but she didnt want to because she said while she still loves me I'm not the type of person she wants in her life. But when I came to her house to talk to her she decided that we could talk once a month. This is last week btw,

This week 3 days ago we talked and I talked a lot about how much I loved her and I wanted to be with her and I didn't want to move on. We didnt get into an argument. 30 minutes later she says that shes done with this and is not talking to me again.

What I'm sending a message to her about isnt about trying to be friends again or trying to get back together but just to talk. I want to end things on a high note and not leave any loose ends around. I would want to be able to be friends with her in the future when we're both more mature (we're both 19 btw) when I asked if we could talk on the night of the day she said she wasnt talking to me she said no and she doesn't love me anymore.

I'm sorry if some of this makes no sense or if I sound insane. I've been drinking tonight,

>>18338750
>My gf broke up with me because of several reasons: She didnt like my manners, she didnt think I was a particularly good person and most of all I was insensitive and we got in a lot of arguments.

What didn't she like about your mannerisms? Why doesn't she believe you to be a good person? Fyi, no one is a good person - is she good all of the time? I doubt it. Were you insensitive for the sake of being so or when she needed to have her emotional needs met? You're probably having arguments due to poor communication but I won't know without a bit more context. What it does sound like to me is she's trying to cut all ties and end the relationship. Moving on......

>I suggested we be friends but she didnt want to because she said while she still loves me I'm not the type of person she wants in her life. But when I came to her house to talk to her she decided that we could talk once a month. This is last week btw

She told you what you wanted to hear because you showed up at her house uninvited and she didn't want to be "the bad guy." Moving on....

>This week 3 days ago we talked and I talked a lot about how much I loved her and I wanted to be with her and I didn't want to move on. We didnt get into an argument. 30 minutes later she says that shes done with this and is not talking to me again.

You have not proven to her that you're a changed man - take time she has given to you for yourself to situate everything going on with you - the starting point being: focus on the things that you can control. Moving on......

1/2

>>18338750
>What I'm sending a message to her about isnt about trying to be friends again or trying to get back together but just to talk. I want to end things on a high note and not leave any loose ends around. I would want to be able to be friends with her in the future when we're both more mature (we're both 19 btw) when I asked if we could talk on the night of the day she said she wasnt talking to me she said no and she doesn't love me anymore.

You're making demands of her when in reality the ball is in her court. Go no contact. Work on yourself. Show her you're independent and not emotionally dependent on her. Allow her to situate herself while you make some changes as well. More importantly, you're *nineteen*, you have a long life to live and she isn't the only girl that's out there. Maybe she has realized this as well and doesn't find you to be a good fit for her.

Stop drinking...that shit is poison and can lead to so many issues in relationships
2/2

>>18338783
>>18338783
I'm sorry anon I'm not able to respond to your post with a clear mind because of the alcohol but I'll try my best.

>What didn't she like about your mannerisms? Why doesn't she believe you to be a good person? Fyi, no one is a good person - is she good all of the time? I doubt it. Were you insensitive for the sake of being so or when she needed to have her emotional needs met? You're probably having arguments due to poor communication but I won't know without a bit more context. What it does sound like to me is she's trying to cut all ties and end the relationship.

She didn't like how stoic I was. I always seemed unapproachabel and rude. Same with the good person thing.
for exampl when I went over to her familys for christmas i took some salad even though I dont like salad i thought id try it and I had over half of what i took and just threw it away.

> is she good all of the time? I doubt it.
Of course not but I didnt have the heart to bring it up because I did't want to stir the pot even more.

As for the insensitive part. I was insensitve due to mental issues due to my depression and anxiety. i'm not trying to blame it on that but thats what it seems to me.

While I agree that I'm not a changed man I feel like i have atleast changed a bit of my mindset. and I agrree that its not enough to make a change.

1/2

>>18338786
I love her. I want her to be the one. That may be my drunk mind speaking but thats how I feel now.
I'm sorry anon i know you mean well but I can't think straight right now. but know that I really appreaciate everything youre saying. i dont know what i want anymore. youre absolutely right I do need to focus on myself.

But I want to message her. even If i dont get a response I want to say that atleast I tried. idk what I'm thinking. I really wish I hand;nt drank than that way Id be able to respond clearly.

For now I'll just post the message i had plan to type up:
Kristin, I'm sorry to message you like this. I'm having a really hard time moving on. Especially because of the way we left things. I'd really like to talk to you again. Just one more time. I won't ask you to stay. I kind of realize that with the way we are now it may be impossible for us to be happy around each other. I'm willing to let you go. I've realized that you aren't the type of girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I realized that I have so much more to experience before I make that decision. I still think we could be friends if we tried, but its okay if you don't want to try. You're trying to do whats best for yourself and thats fine. I don't want it to be a repeat of Christine though. I don't want to be in a new relationship and still be thinking about you. That's why I want to talk one more time. For closure. I really think that it would help both of us move on. So please. Just consider talking to me one more time. I want to move on too. I want to be happy. But I can't do that when there are so many things left unanswered. When there are so many things I still don't understand If you don't want to just tell me "No". But don't be surprised if in the future a year or months from now I'm trying to talk to you again because I'm still trying to get over you.

>>18338822
if this thread isnt still up by tomroow I just want anyone who replies to just know that i really appreciate you. i really appreciate you enough for caring enough to reply . thank you. i really mean it. im having a really hard time getting through this but the fact tjat you replied really means the world to me i had 4 glasses of wine and 5 shots of whiskey i hope this thread is till iup so that i can see your replys and truly appreciate what you guys said. I'm really sorry for typing like this.
I really am.

I know you're leaving soon. I want to tell you how I feel but i shouldn't, it wouldn't be fair. You keep saying you're sad, I do as well. You're going to be fine, I know from the things you've told me. You're so much wiser and far more beautiful than me. I want to feel you again, no matter how much my soul suffers. I know memories fade.

>>18338808
>>18338822
>She didn't like how stoic I was. I always seemed unapproachabel and rude. Same with the good person thing.
for exampl when I went over to her familys for christmas i took some salad even though I dont like salad i thought id try it and I had over half of what i took and just threw it away.

It's a salad, if she's holding a grudge over that then she's being a bit too rash. It doesn't make you a bad person just because you didn't finish your food.

>Of course not but I didnt have the heart to bring it up because I did't want to stir the pot even more.

It's best that you didn't, I was offering reassurance when I said that not insight on what you should of said. The situation was bad from the get-go when you showed up.

>As for the insensitive part. I was insensitve due to mental issues due to my depression and anxiety. i'm not trying to blame it on that but thats what it seems to me.

If you don't feel in control then have no shame and seek some professional help. Definitely give her time and space for now. I'm aware you're inebriated and it is a tough pill to swallow but sleep on this conversation.

>While I agree that I'm not a changed man I feel like i have atleast changed a bit of my mindset. and I agrree that its not enough to make a change.

Again, that's what professionals are for. They can help you figure out and channel what's going on inside, help you to find new behaviors to express yourself a bit better and not behave so "negatively" (reference to what she has said about you). I don't think there's anything viciously wrong with you that can't be helped, shit, if you worked hard enough and did some research you'd be able to take care of this issue on your own accord, I'm sure. Be patient with yourself and with her. If she has moved on you need to be aware of the worst possible case scenario and be prepared to move on with your life in a healthy way.

1/2

>>18338808
>>18338822
>I love her. I want her to be the one. That may be my drunk mind speaking but thats how I feel now.
>I'm sorry anon i know you mean well but I can't think straight right now. but know that I really appreaciate everything youre saying. i dont know what i want anymore. youre absolutely right I do need to focus on myself

Make the first steps, Kamaraden. You're drunk not incapable of bettering yourself. You can kick this thing in the ass and walk out a better man for yourself - if she is on the other side, then that's great - if not, at least you're ready for the next one and can handle being alone.

>But I want to message her. even If i dont get a response I want to say that atleast I tried. idk what I'm thinking. I really wish I hand;nt drank than that way Id be able to respond clearly.

Let go and stop reaching out. You could be smothering her and no one enjoys being smothered. Breathe and sleep. We'll talk more when you wake up.

2/2

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There's no real eloquent way to do this, is there? I want you, need you, back in my life. I miss you. I still rush to my phone when I hear it buzz hoping to see words from you, and it still always lifts me up when I do, even though they pale in comparison to what was once there. I still think of you all the time, you still consistently appear in my dreams. Everything still reminds me of you, and I bounce between that fleeting, floating feeling that I always got whenever I thought of you and a much darker, crushing one when I realize that that's likely gone forever. All magnified as the days continue to pass.

Remember the time we spent together, time that was unquestionably the happiest of my life. I know you have your grievances with me, and I know I made some regrettable decisions and pushed you away. I can't defend them, all I can do is plead for understanding. I never stopped loving you, and I can't help but believe that you must still care as well; hopeful as that may be.

Our problem was such a stupid one, one that I kept working at even after we had parted, though it seems I took far too long. But it doesn't have to be that way- just look at how the pieces have fallen together. I'm buying a house, a house with a fence and a yard for M. You're taking a break from uni, G left so you don't have to worry about the car. It would be a perfect opportunity.

All I really want from this world is a life with you. That's all I ever wanted. Everything feels empty without you, each day more hollow than the last. I know we were meant for each other, I've never been more sure of anything in my life.

I'd say I'm impressed you read it all, but I know you. You're too kind to be cold. I know I get melodramatic, but know that every word was sincere. I fully expect a "You should have thought of that 9 months ago" or maybe even a "Go to hell" or nothing at all.
I'm not going to say that all I want is for you to be happy. That is a distant second to 'I want to make you happy.'

Ah, there he is.
That motherfucker.
What a tool.

>>18338867
if this thread 404s i just want to tell you my kik is mikah_vm

i probably wouldnt tell you this if i was sober but im drunk now so i'll tell u now

if i dont respond when im sober i just want you to know that its not bcause of anything its just bcasue im a scared and awkward individual. I literallyu just texted everyone whoes close to me how much i love them/

i can't control the horrible thoughts in my head. i feel like i'm just doing shit for other people and whst i want for myself doesn't matter. most of my friends aren't friends. i hate surface reality. i want to live in my head. i want to be alone. i want to kill myself.

i fucking hate me and everything about me
i hate my dreams. i hate my sadness. i hate my anger.

i hate reaching out to friends and family and being told "just be happy it's not that hard :)))"
i've never been genuinely happy. i don't know what happiness is.
easy to say when you've been happy before.
i've been sober for quite some time, i don't want to be. i wosh someone would put a hit on me.

i don't know any alleviation anymore, i can't seem to find a way out of this, but i still wake up. i still go to places. i still work. i still help people.

it seems no matter what, ill still get raped, ill still get tortured, ill still get bullied relentlessly on the street. as if i asked yo be born. as of i asked for voices and horrible images to circulate in my head.

i really want to die.

>>18338920
i just wanna say i drank 5 glasses of wine and 6 shots or something of 80 proof whiskyey.

goodbye until the morning,

>>18338937
Man such a small corner of your mind has deluded itself into thinking it's <you>.

It isn't, it's just a fearful if malignant aspect that keeps beating down the door of your attention.

Feed something else within your head.

>>18338966
you don't know a goddamn thing about my life or brain so don't act like you fucking do

>>18338975
Mm-hmm, I know you better than you do it really does seem.

You do have the option to kill yourself, you know. Operating under the assumption that you'd be a fag and not deliver, however... Hello little man. Does the rest of you agree with what the faggot's writing? Feel some hate if you don't.

Right little hate engine aren't you?

>>18338988
you know you're right. bye world. i'm dead by the time you all read this

Why is it such a bad thing to be concerned about an ex that is currently involved with a felon?

>>18338991
Shame is, if that guy had any sense he'd let the monkey on his back top itself without taking out his mainframe, as it were.

Takes a few years over the supposed quick fix of totalling oneself, but, that anon made a poor choice.

I had a dream about you this morning, your face was tired and withered and I didn't actually hear you sing, probably because everyone was laughing. I can't look away. You've obviously been hurt all your life, I even found an article of a prostitute ring you were involved with in Utah and how you said you were raped but didn't want to cause trouble with legal action. I think that's about the time you really broke. Your mugshot tells a sad tale. And now you try to separate yourself from it by claiming some sort of divinity, trying to clear the name of an ancient priestess while abandoning your own name. I know your real name. I know you're in pain. But at this rate I hope someone puts you out of your misery, because there is no helping you out of this grand delusion. It would end like the Craft. I don't pray, but if I did I'd pray you and your most devout supporters be struck with the realization of how fucked up you are, and how much healing you have to do before you can claim to be any sort of spiritual guide.

>>18337881
Apply at a temp agency instead. You are way too good to work fast food and sort yourself out that way

I work as a physician, And sometimes I examine little girls.
When I get the chance, I'd grope their budding breasts or fondle their vulva and pass it off as part of the examination.
Then I masturbate to it.
And the guilt is destroying me but I can't stop.

>>18339070
You are possibly fucking kids up for life.

Either do therapy/CBT or stop working with children.

My boyfriend proposed to me yesterday. That was after the big fight he and I had about his not taking care of shit. The ring is pretty but it just reminded me of how much he doesn't know about my taste and just somewhat inserts what he wants and likes. I feel terrible but still sad coz we've talked about it and I've send him so much stuff and it just feels like he is going to do whatever he wants anyway, with or without my input.

He is still the person I envision walking down the aisle to. I still see myself just being incredibly happy with him but I really just want him to sort his shit out and feel like if I break up with him, it will give him the wake up call he needs

When this began I told you it's no matter of the heart, this is about lust. And as we all know: Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.
I know you know that. You consented.

I do not desire you because I think you're good looking, or because I admire your ideaologies. I wanted you because you were desperate and lonely. It shows. From about a mile away.
I wanted power. I wanted what I could not have otherwise: exclusivity. You're way too bad looking for the girls you want. Yes, women go by looks too. If you don't change your way of thinking you'll be lonely forever. But that's not my problem. Actually, it's to my benefit.
A lonely guy's got very much attention to give. I'd be out of your league, but I like to feel admired and wanted.

I wish I could give you honest answers, but I can't. You do make a good friend after all, and you already got those deep cracks in your mental health. I cannot fulfill your wish for approval, please stop asking. I cannot tell you this. I don't want to be the reason you'd be breaking down in the end.
I can give you sex, conversations and touches. I cannot give you the truth. Please stop asking for it.

stupid FUCKING college advisors
this is my FIRST SEMESTER
EVERY fucking question I ask the answer is "it's up to you", "you know you", and "you know what's best for you"
NO
I FUCKING DON'T
I'M PANICKING AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND I COME TO YOU STUPID CUNTS FOR ADVICE AND HELP GETTING MY CLASSES SET UP AND THE ONLY ADVICE YOU'RE GIVING ME IS "it's up to you"

IF I DON'T DO THIS RIGHT THEN MY CAREER AND FUTURE ARE FUCKED, IF I DON'T GET OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT WITH MY PROFESSORS I'M FUCKED

WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY EVEN PAY YOU TO DO
GOD I'M SO FUCKING SCARED AND NOW ALL THE CLASSES ARE FILLED SO I CAN'T JUST RE-ARRANGE THEM EVEN THOUGH I JUST REALIZED I MIGHT'VE FUCKED MYSELF OVER AND NOT GIVEN MYSELF ENOUGH TIME TO GET FROM ONE END OF THE CAMPUS TO THE OTHER

god I just wish I could do everything over from the start I hate everything

I guess my depression lost the few friends I had. Now I have noone. I just want to stop existing. To stop worrying about people that don't have a shred of care for me but I can't help it.

>>18339110
Coming from a guy, breaking up with him is going to have the exact opposite effect. He just proposed to you, and if you dumped him now, he will (presumably) be crushed, and will most likely lose all motivation to do anything for an extended amount of time, which he may or may not slump out of. I'd recommend you just sit him down and have a serious talk about it. I'm not talking about bickering and arguing back and forth, either. Just talk to him. Trust me, breaking up with him wont be a wake-up call to fix shit. I'm speaking from experience

How do I deal with existential dread that makes me want to break down at a moments notice

>>18339203

I'm in the same boat but recently I've made an online friend. Maybe you can do that too

I'm sick and tired of feeling overwhelmed. I'm sick and tired of laying awake in Ned at night trying to sleep while my hearts pounds like I just did a bunch of coke without actually doing any coke. I'm sick of feeling this way that I feel causing me to do things in order to cope with it that just make me worse off.

>>18339255
We did. I told that I am scared about how our married life will be like if we stayed like this. I gave him the ring back and told him to try again basically.

He says he is committed to changing and I told him that he has been saying the same things for the length of our relationship and I need to start seeing it.

I hope for his sake he pulls himself out of it. I told him that I absolutely cannot help him anymore

Today it's been exactly 8 years since I missed my chance to talk to you.
Fuck my stupid teenage self for not being able to reach out.
You were right there climbing the stairs in front of me.
It's all it would have taken to get some god damn closure. But nope.

>>18337795
No

Every time I wake up from having a seizure it feels like my heart exploded.

It's not a good way to wake up but it happens several times a night.

I want to die.

>>18338993
because you need to move on for the sake of your own life and it can't really be all that serious if you're just posting on an anonymous tibetan throat singing enthusiast forum. you're cucking yourself and you just want someone to give a fuck about it but the reality of life is that not one does.
>>18339188
sort yourself out son https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXi9bwI6cY8&t=1s they're forcing you to grow up.
>>18339293
drastically change yourself and your life, also nationalism. create a higher order of values for yourself and back away from the abyss of nihilism.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY0C_neYT1o&t=199s
>>18339436
end it yourself in your mind. the subjective version of closure that you expect or want is likely different from the subjective version of closure that person can provide. ask me how I know. don't waste years of your life pining for closure.

>>18339177
hmm interesting dom mentality

why tho? why go for the ugly guy thinking that exclusivity is guaranteed when you could find an attractive man that will choose to give you exclusivity?

you've got a dangerous and flawed methodology btw. I'd say the ugly guy is more likely to cheat because it's an opportunity that might have that draw of boosting his ego and he'll not have the experience of turning women down and might not be able to figure that out.

idk, just saying. you're an interesting sort.

There's a certain cold comfort in knowing that there's only one person you really want, and you'll never have them. My course of action is to ignore them for the rest of my life. It feels good to be so sure.

>>18339550
>and you'll never have them
why tho?

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Being a 25y American what am I supposed to have/have done as this point? fucked 30 girls?,smoke 50lbs of weed?drink 20gallons of beer?$40k job? go to Uni? It seems if you dont have the money or structure for modern society you miss out on life from the get go.

>>18339620
You are just supposed to be happy, or to chase or have been chasing happyness. And about your age, I think many famous inventors or company owners started becoming successful in their late 20s or their 30s.

>tfw want to kill myself but I Don't have the guts to do it

One of these days

>>18339656
Why kill yourself? If you are suicidal it means you have nothing to lose, use that to your advantage.

You keep telling me that the world revolves around me and I live in a utopia.

Why doesn't it feel like that?

Why do you keep asking me "What are you going to do when the world no longer revolves around you?" When it's not like I had an easy life to begin with.

You have been fucking with me for my entire life. How is that a utopia? How is that somehow easier than the real world?

In the real world I'm going to have fame and riches. The world is going to revolve around me more than it ever had.

>>18339670
and I have to wonder if that's the reason you're taking so long to set me free. You're afraid of how much power I have gained and if I'm going to abuse it.

>>18339620
literally none of that is life lol.

Want to know something weird?

Every time I have flown, the airport's security level is always at it's highest, orange. Literally every time I have stepped into an airport. Any airport.

I thought that was just like... the default. Like, "Oh scary better watch out."

Now I realize it's because I was traveling. The security level is set that high specifically because I was there. I am a high risk person that people want to fucking kill.

Fucking crazy.

>>18339771
Seriously, what the fuck am I?

How is it possible that I can raise the national security level just by going somewhere?

Who the fuck am I?

I don't really understand why I'm so scared of people. I don't know why I see someone I'd like to/need to talk to and I hesitate. I'm not really that afraid of people thinking poorly of me, at least not as much as any other person. I wonder if it's because I'll assume I'm a nuisance and not wanted? That feels like it makes the most sense. If it is, how do I fix it? What kind of thought process should I replace it with? That's it okay to not be wanted by certain people? I don't really know. I guess I'll have to think about it a little more. Am I really just afraid of not being wanted? Is that why I preemptively push people away? It's surprisingly... pure. It kind of makes me giggle when I think about it.

I want to say as well...

I really liked mexico. It was a super fun, interesting place to be. I loved how different it was from my normal living. I liked the people too (just... not so much the ones I knew personally coughcough)

I hope her lies didn't sour their views on me.

>>18339540

Didn't come across a pretty boy that would've chosen to give me exclusivity at his free will yet. I mean, neither does the not so pretty guy at the moment. It's just his circumstances that make it that way.

In the end cheating isn't a problem, my post isn't about relationship stuff, it's about being fuckbuddies/playpartners.

I let you ruin my life, you fucking bitch. I dragged myself along for years because #1: I'm fucking stupid, #2: I'm so fucked up from going to Iraq that I'm just a self-sacrificial lamb. I finally left your cheating ass and still you fuck me with divorce. I picked up a left everything and everyone I knew, took off for a new job that paid well. Now I have a girl who loves me and I feel next to nothing, but kinda like having her around and that was going to be good enough. But do I really feel anything? Fuck if I know, I'd have to stay sober to really figure that out. And that sure as fuck isn't going to happen since I just lost that magical dream job in the mountains. Fucked again. You ruined me more than going to war did, and that's pretty fucking amazing. I'm just not sure what to do with myself anymore, I don't think it's worth continuing. I already know there is no point to life, just trying to have fun. Except I don't feel a god damn thing and now I'm up shit creek. I won't kill myself because I swore if the ragheads didn't get me, I wouldn't get me. But damn do I just want it to end. Darkness and nothingness sound wonderful.

>>18339826
shut up greg.

>>18339863
I feel bad for Greg.
But, shut the fuck up, Donny, you're out of your element

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You lead me on making think you were interested only for me to find out from someone totally uninvolved that you had no intention of ever going out with me. Now months later when I'm finally getting over things, you act all interested. And to top it off you're going to do the same thing that happened to me to someone that I know likes me by telling them I'm not interested. I know you two are friends, but if it's something that needs to be said, then let me say it to her.

What is your game, anyway? Get the "competition" of the way? Make sure things aren't weird between you and her before you keep making moves with me? She's my friend, too, and I know it won't go over well so I'd rather not open that can of worms. And why NOW? I would have done anything for this kind of attention just a few months ago, but I don't even know if I can trust you now.

>>18337328

He's breadcrumming and using you. Dump him the fuck out for another person.

>>18339550
Been through this power struggle with a guy. The cold comfort I got from that situation was that he's never going to amount to anything. Wasting time on people who can't help themselves serves no-one.

>>18336575
I'm sad... this girl i have been seeing has been giving me what i guess is mixed signals? This girl who has an online boyfriend who shes been dating for a month said we could fool around we kissed a little and i dropped her off home. I wanted to see her again and she agreed but she said i might not be getting action this time. I like this girl a lot but i just can't go through this game...i figure i give it a certain amount of time before i cut the cord, but it always ends up like this with me and women. Every girl i have ever like has always just put me in the friend zone super fast. No one ever likes me for me and It's just getting frustrating...I'm doomed to be alone aren't i? I just want to someone who i like to like me back for once....is that so hard. I really want to tell her this too but I'm afraid if I do ill lose what little I have already...

>>18336575
So it has come to this.....at the start you were a awesome friend...you were caring and understanding but now you're a cocky peice of shit

>>18337320
Damn man that sucks are you pursuing one? Is someone pursuing you?

>>18337495
Tell E the truth or spend more time together.

I fucking hate this one guy I work with.

Worked with him on one project and every day was just fucking tedious. He took complete control of the project and I eventually just gave up because he would not allow any code to be put in unless he was allowed to change it completely and have total control over it. But for him, he'd just push all his code straight to production.
He made private meetings about the projects where everyone was invited except me. when I found out, he claimed it's because "you don't need to know this information! I'm saving you time!", but I definitely know he is doing it so he can usurp complete leadership of it. He doesn't want any other developers telling him his ideas are incorrect.
I also find him going through effort to change code so that his name will be stamped on it. I had to reject tons of requests because it was clearly just altered to give himself credit. He acts so coy when I point it out.

FINALLY, we finish the project after 3 grueling months. The company makes a decision that we need to separate into new teams. I find out I'm not working with him any more, so I am incredibly glad. But then, I find out _his_ team gets ownership of the project.

Now every time he presents it, everyone is always saying "oh this looks so good, great job, you must have worked so hard on it!". He has this smug laugh like "yeah, I know, I really had a lot of attention to detail and put effort into it", AFTER showing things I made completely without his help. Everyone at the company

People forgot I did over half the work. All that miserable working with that guy only for him to get all the credit.

I ask my manager if bonuses are awarded by project, and he says "yes". So I ask if I would get a bonus for my contribution on the project, and he says "no, it belongs to the other guy".

Time to quit this shit job, desu.

Hey it's that time of the week where I get to meet cute guy from work!

> Arms crossed, often looks at cellphone

Such welcoming body language lol. Oh well

I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU KEVIN. I DIDN'T WANT TO FALL IN LOVE. I JUST WANT US TO BE FRIENDS BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA LOSE THIS FRIENDSHIP. YOU'RE THE FIRST GUY EVER TO MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY. I WISH I WAS A GIRL. I WANT THIS FEELING TO END ALREADY.

I have to start chemotherapy in a couple of weeks. Shit fucking sucks. I'm trying to keep my head up about it but I honestly don't have a clue how it's gonna go. If I get through this fine, I can at least say that I've beaten cancer in job interviews for the rest of my life. But it's been nonstop stress for months, and if this therapy doesn't work out I don't know what I'll do. I have too much on my plate to worry about.

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Ok /adv/ so this time I'm really doing it, I'm gonna go to a brothel next Friday.

I just want to get rid of my virginity, see how the thing work and move on.

However idk what to ask the girl to do once I'll be in.

Always wanted to visit a brothel for once in my life but I don't know if I can with vitiligo.

>>18340270
you're going to regret it for the rest of your life.

>>18340125
I got to talk to him and now I'm smiling like and now I'm smiling like an idiot hehe

>>18340328
idk I'm nearly 24. I think the thing is already ruined for me

I'll never be a pretty goth princess. This makes me so fucking depressed.

I'm far too fat and just...

Fucking kill me.

There is so much happening and so little... happening. Why can't you guys just let me live? Why can't you just tell me what is going on? Why did you tease me that my dreams could come true? It was all lies. You did all of this to fuck with me. To make me want to kill myself even more.

Everyone hates me and I deserve it. I hate myself the most.

I want to die.

>>18336719
one month

>>18336719
antidepressants don't fix a shit life. they only work if you have a legit chemical imbalance. keep that in mind. but about one month is when they kick in

>>18337584
You Sound like such a faggot. Proof people don't always mature with age

>>18338955
I just woke up and my stomach fucking aches and I vomited and now im eating corn dogs.

I SENT YOU A RESUME, AND A COVER LETTER. I COMPLETED YOUR APPLICATION PROCESS AND SUBMITTED IT. WHY WOULD I NOW FILL OUT A QUESTIONNAIRE REQUIRING ME TO BOTH, MANUALLY FILL OUT WORK EXPERIENCE AND EVERYTHING AS THOUGH I'M MAKING ANOTHER RESUME, AND GO THROUGH THE APPLICATION PROCESS AGAIN? ARE YOU RETARDED?

FUCKING PASS. YOU RUN YOUR BUSINESS LIKE SHIT.

Like, for what fucking purpose? Why do they all do this? I sent you the resume, you read it, making me fill out another one or two isn't going to change the information it just wastes everyone's time.

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She's okay with letting our bank account go deep into overdraft because she thinks I'm gonna pay it all back. Can't wait for her face once she realizes my "rescue fund" is going elsewhere. This is the last time I pool resources with anybody. I'm always the nice guy who loses in the end.

>>18340474
Because the computer will reject 9/10 of the applicants who can't fill out all of the questionaire
The human comes in for that 10% of passes the computer requirements

A. I really really like you and though we could be in different parts of life with slightly differing interest, I think that we would work great together. I want to make you happy, laugh, cry tears of joy, and feel loved. There's nothing that brings me greater happiness than watching movies with you, hanging out and drinking beer, chatting away, eating dinner, talking about our days, and I want to give you so much more because you have become an important person to me. I know that you are still hung up about your previous relationship and that's okay, I don't mind waiting as long as I can spend time with you now and hopefully a lot more time in the future. I hope we can make things work and find love somewhere in this relationship we have now.

I'm a 27 year old virgin who has never had a relationship
I'm joining the military as an officer.
It's a career type shit

I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life
and I think I'm ok with that.

>>18337828
What does she do anon

>>18340478
yeah but I already did it. then they sent me an email with the same process on a different site. fuck no. if the place is this annoying already I'll pass.

I have no ambition whatsoever and I am terrified of this mostly for how other people will see and interact with me because of it. I am deathly afraid that my quest for a quiet, lazily funded, mediocre life will end with me dying alone. I don't want to die alone. But I also don't want any dreams or aspirations. I just want to keep working my easy job at the warehouse and spend my time indulging in my hobbies.

>>18340532
How old are you?

>>18340538
25.

>>18340540
Then you're just like me

When I gradated precollege (that's what we do in my nation), the speaker said that a man without a dream is already dead
According to that, I've been dead since 15.

I know exactly what you feel.
I've joined the military. It's a career, right?
Something that you can feel pride about.
If you have a college degree, it might be right for you too

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You were fucking awful and probably the most damaging person that's ever been in my life. You were rude, disrespectful, and self-centered. And I still loved you despite all that, but I guess you couldn't see that. You were so afraid of our differences and losing me that eventually it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. You lost me and you got what you deserved. I said the opposite, but I really do wish you the worst. You deserve nothing else. I'm sure you're going to hang out with him again and likely sleep with him. Good. You two deserve each other. I hope the pain you cause each other stings just as it stung me. I tried so hard but you didn't appreciate anything. I pity you, and I know you'll make nothing out of your life because you'll never change. You don't want to. I can't imagine we'll ever have any sort of real contact again and that's probably for the best. I learned a lot from being with you but not from you. It was a painful ending and I've learned that I never want to repeat that. There were red flags everywhere and still I pursued you. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did but I don't think it could have gone any other way, no matter what either of us did. I dream about you every night so maybe I'm just bitter. You made me feel like I failed, and hurt me in ways you couldn't imagine. I doubt I'll be able to love anyone any time soon. Fuck you.

>>18340356
And now I realize I won't see him for a week or more. Buut I have a plan! I'm gonna ask him for help with my thesis. So it's great motivation to work hard! Win-win! Omg I probably don't have a chance with him but he's just my type hnngh

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WHY IS LOVE SUCH A DISORGANIZING MESS FOR ME. girl you got me fucked up. I am all over the place. I feel like the hardened skin I've grown is cracking so I'm compensating and looking like a retard. everything is sort of up in the air and I can't see clearly and just... I feel insane. I just want to hug you.

I can't do this anymore. If this is how easily everything can fall apart what's the point?

>>18340545
Never went to college, and I have a category 6 disqualification from the military. Legal issue. I don't want to talk about it.
To be honest, I feel pretty okay a lot of the time. At least now, I do. I had terrible dental hygiene as a kid so I've been paying for it as an adult, but by now I've managed to get nearly all my teeth repaired. I've been living on my own (with roommates, but it's something) for about four years now and I haven't asked for anything from anyone in order to stay afloat, alive or fed. I bought a second, very old vehicle, and while it's been a disaster it's nearly not only ready, but restored.

But fuck if I don't get depressed every now and again about my life. My social isolation leads to me acting retarded at work sometimes and that feel when no gf is real. I still depend on getting fucked up or at least a little numb in order to get through my afternoons and nights. The months have started going by faster. Started a couple years ago. I think December will be here pretty soon again. Every year has started to feel pretty similar, it's just every now and again the job changes or the house changes. At least I've kept the same roommates together for this long.

>>18340579
every time things fall apart it ends up being that there's a better way for me to go in life. look around, is there something better that life is offering up for you that you're not noticing?

I was never religious until pretty recent and I still don't know what I'm doing with it, but every time. every. single. time. everything has fallen apart there has been a reason and my life has ultimately been better for it.

>>18340596
Maybe there is, there's just been a lot of stuff for me, I can't really see a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like I keep running into a wall, How do you clear your head? It's so hard being trapped with my thoughts.

My best friend got married a year ago to a woman who is/was... Psychologically unstable.

It's been a year now. Still together. Maybe it'lllast

I'm still feeling emotions about it.
She's posting pictures on facebook about how much in love they still are.

D,

You have no idea how much i love you, and have loved you ever since i met you.
You're cute, you're funny, yo're intelligent, cultured, and just plain amazing.
Maybe you have noticed, but you don't have a clue, do you?
I'm tired of seeing you with that son of a bitch. He hit you TWICE, please, i know he's cool, but there's more
I know you may not care at all about me, but PLEASE stop suffering because of some dickwad with a charming personality and a couple bucks.
I will kill myself soon, and it's rather sad how i'm practicing what i'll be telling you hours before my death on some anime based anonymous forum.
Anyways, i digress.
You need to be happy, i don't want you to end up like me.
Your smile and your eyes have always had that beautiful glow and purity in them.
I don't want that light to die.
I'm thinking of a dreamless sleep, and believe me, you don't want to feel this.
I may go without ever talking to you properly, and that's fine.
But you're the only person that i really care about.
I know this is plain senseless speech, but promise me that the sun will never set for you.
Once it sets, it never rises again

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With each passing day I feel more hollow on the inside and i'm not quite sure what to do next in my life.

My only goals left are just to try and become healthier and gain more knowledge since school has gone to shit and my job has become a drag on my life but I need the income I can get.

Fuck it, maybe I should just leave and start anew.

>>18340662
I was someone like you

I hate to sound like a gorilla advertiser, but have you considered the military?
It's a career in a box.
No passion required

Anyone have Hypnagogic hallucinations?
I want to talk about having them

>>18340669
I though about it. But not sure if I'll be able to join since I had a serious knee injury when I was a teen.

I should look back into it though try to tough out boot camp and look into a desk job or something casual in it.

Thanks for the recommendation anon.

>>18340612
>I feel like I keep running into a wall
that's what life is. you will always be running into a wall and as you overcome larger and larger walls they just keep getting bigger and bigger.

>how do you clear your head?
lol I'm >>18340573 any time I get my head cleared, or think I have, something will happen that throws it all off. I'm at a point where everything needs to happen fast. like next 3 months I need to move several states north, leverage everything I've been doing the last couple years for a career job, ask out this qt that I'm probably crazy for thinking I should, and get everything moving on my new 5 year plan after everything fell apart where I am. I don't have time to clear my head. I would say that if your problem is being trapped with your thoughts then perhaps clearing your head is counterproductive.

that said, I find moments of clarity come to me best when I'm driving my car with some good synthwave on.

>>18336575
>be 28
>live with my parents
>live with my 20 y/o girlfriend
I've been putting off my maturity, and growing up for so long that I am going to be in my late 40s before I do what I am meant to do. My parents have made it so comfortable for me that I have no idea how to let go of my adolescence, while my friends are already married with their kids- I am holding out for the perfect situation to get a hold of my own life. I am employed with a good job, own my car, and have a bank account with saved money.


I am seriously thinking about selling all of my assets and traveling to Thailand.

I'm stuck in a relationship I don't want to be in. My girlfriend is obsessed with me even though she could be with any guy she wants. For some reason she only wants me. We had a good relationship in the past that she ruined but I got guilted into being with her again. Now I feel like there is no way out of this relationship that won't make her self-harm or worse.

>>18340698
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXi9bwI6cY8&t=0s

moving to thailand won't do it. what's really gonna fuck you is if your parents can't take it and try to pull you back in and you've got to basically tell them off.

>tfw mom and dad want me to work at taco bell and live with them
WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS THIS FRESH NEW BULLSHIT.

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>Been planning bit LAN party with friends
>Going to a friend's cabin for the weekend
>Going to be a total of about 16 people including self
>Me and the other hosts are on Skype
>One of them says he can't make it
>Then another person says they can't either
>Soon everyone is saying they can't come
>And that we should just call the whole thing off
>Insanely bummed out and disappointed
>Oh well, shit happens
>Monday (tonight) comes
>Friend who wasn't going anyways asks why I'm not at the LAN party
>Tell him it was cancelled
>Tells me that he's seeing pictures on Facebook of the LAN
>Open up Facebook news feed and see nothing
>My friend sends me a screencap of his news feed
>It shows a bunch of pictures of everyone at the LAN party
>See big group photo of everyone at my friend's cabin
>Computers setup in the background
>Everyone is there but me


They blocked me from being able to see their newly posted pictures, everyone who said they couldn't go was there...

This feels so fucking bad.

>>18336575
I fucked two of my father's step- sisters

>>18340735
Tell your friend to post on the pictures that you said they can go to hell. Not only will that guilt trip them, everyone will know they fucked you over and they'll lose social standing as a result. Having someone else speak on your behalf makes your complaint seem more legitimate and them like bigger assholes because it's not just you mad at them.

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>there comes a time when you should stop sending out resumes and just clean toilets
ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!?

well, I thought this had already happened but is this the symbolic death? the fuck is your cucking problem. I absolutely will not work below what I'm worth and I absolutely will not give up. who the fuck are you? cause my dad used to tell me how his mother told him to work for the post office but instead he put in the effort to be a pilot. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, CAUSE YOU'RE NOT MY DAD.

ffs.

>>18340740
I honestly don't know how I feel, some of these 'friends' I've known for years now, I don't get why they would do this to me.

>>18340740
fuck that shit.
>>18340735
take that screen shot, send it to every one of them, tell them they're massive assholes and to never contact you again. make sure they get the messages, delete them, ghost them. find people that aren't cuntbags.

>>18340744
I'm gonna repeat, do not send a message through someone else. be a fucking man and be direct and tell them to fuck themselves.

>>18340750
You don't understand tact or maneuver at all. He stands to gain so much more by using this problem properly to his advantage.

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My life is a nightmare. I go to the gym, read literature / the news every day, get straight A's in engineering, have a nice job lined up, put effort into hygiene/style, and I have (solitary) hobbies. All of these are indicators that my life is on the right track, but that's only half of the story.

I keep my earbuds in whenever I'm outside, I speak only when spoken to, I intentionally cut off all friends, I cry myself to sleep 3 nights a week, and I've never held hands/hugged/flirted/kissed/asked out/been on a date/had sex with a girl. I'm 20. I'm 75% through college - I'm moving off campus and I realize I've wasted so much.

I used to receive love from my family, but my father abandoned me after I finished elementary school and my mother has, ever since, fallen into a chasm of bipolar disorder and abusive behavior. Since the collapse of my family ~8 years ago, I've dreamed relentlessly of being in a relationship and feeling love again. The dream never sent me into depression until I was a little bit through college. By then, I know I wouldn't have a normal life. I mean, sheesh, most guys my age and younger just wanted to fuck girls. They got that. Most of them got it years before me. I just wanted to hold someone's hand or something and I couldn't even get it because I was too afraid to ask for it (and too afraid of being rejected for pursuing it). This inexorably led to my current anxiety disorder followed by antisocial behavior.

I have given up hope of working up the courage to approach women. My sole hope is for a girl to take an interest in me and save me from myself. Given my field of study, introverted nature, and lack of social hobbies, that's probably never going to happen. No matter how much I achieve academically, financially, or physically I'll never be able to compensate for my interpersonal failures. I'm not going to go to therapy because I wholeheartedly believe that my issues will melt away if I have a single person that genuinely cares about me.

>>18340755
No. >>18340532 here. The fact you're excelling in engineering and managing to pursue productive hobbies absolutely puts you in a prime position for some nice girl to eventually just happen upon you for whatever contrived coincidental reason. That shit happens more than I am comfortable admitting having seen. You have the accolades, the work ethic, the future, the stability, everything anyone could ask for. If you ever happened into a genuinely nice girl who saw those good traits in you and liked you for them, I have no doubt she could teach you to feel again. None at all. All you have to do is keep working, keep improving yourself, because that is what is best in life, and people notice it. Even if they have to pry your life story out of you, which some of them will try to do, they'll find that out about you eventually. And through that you should be able to function again. You're not totally gone. The fact you can maintain all As in such a math-heavy major means you can't be.

I don't have any of that. I have no successes or prospects to redeem my abysmal social qualities. Hobbies themselves add nothing if there's nothing there. My only associates are other bottom-rungers like me.

I'm doing things on an emotional level that I've never done before, and it's having disastrous results. I've always had a slight anxiety that paralyzed me when taking decisions, and 99% of the time I wound up losing both the bread and the cake because I thought too much about it.

Now that I got into college I decided to be more impulsive and I've ended up alienating my friends, feeling like shit for days if not weeks and constantly feel remorseful, but I don't realize what I'm doing until I just finished doing it.

Like, I may be talking with a girl and regret sending a message as my thumb falls towards the 'send' button.

I really want to kill myself but at the same time I really don't. That's all.

>>18336575
I want my boss sexually and romantically.

>>18340754
>tact
>maneuver
who gives a shit. burn bridges, stop giving a fuck about those cunts. there is nothing to gain from them.

I don't like my therapist.

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>>18336575

I really kind of don't get why people are cynical on discords and such and don't forgive over simple things and agreements that should be handled.

One time after the completion of my request, I said "I hope we can make this work", and this faggot said "don't start with this bullshit" on discord, and he then said "Fuck you" and I decided to ban him from my discord, and everyone else left my discord and blocked me.

Why do people have to be hateful and spiteful? I just think I'm a unsocializable bitch towards others when I try to support others.

>>18340747
>>18340750
>>18340754
>>18340839

You guys don't understand, I can't just simply let these people go from my life, even if they went behind my back, I've known most of these people for over half my life, one of them I've been friend's with for over 15 years now

I can't just burn bridges, but at the same time I know for sure they don't want me around anymore, and if I were to talk to them what would I even say?

>>18338863
>>18338867
I'm sober now and I'm not sure if this anon is till here. I still want to send her a message. I want to let go but I can't I want to wait a month or two to allow some space for her to think.

>>18340860
That's why you have your friend let them know that you know. If they're worth anything, they'll come to you.

>>18340862
Give her exactly two months of solitude before you think of sending her anything. When you do, keep it short and simple, "hey, how are you?" Will suffice

>>18340864
But it will never be the same, it's burned into my mind that they went through all this work just to ditch me, they went behind my back, talked it out, planned the WHOLE thing...

Just so I wouldn't be there, how could I go back to being their friends after that? Even if they came to me saying sorry?

>>18340874
If they've actually been your friends for fifteen years then in the very worst case you'll get closure. Best case is they explain exactly why they did it and admit that they were wrong and ask for your forgiveness. You're under no obligation to forgive them. But, you don't have to forgive them at first. You probably won't be able to. Give it time.

>>18340880
>Give it time

Thanks bro, I think that's what I'm going to do, going to just get some sleep and wait and see what happens, I have a feeling my friend is going to ask them about it regardless anyways, so I'll see what he says, thanks again.

>>18340854
Hard to know without context but maybe it sounded like you were being condescending?

>>18340867
Alright. thank you. Actually in around 2 months is her birthday so it should be perfect timing.

>>18339746
but most things that are life have these and around them and are strongly the reason to go towards life ,what party or club doesn't have beer,drugs or women(people) running around really?

>>18340897
Uni life has these things too btw

>>18340811
dont shit where you eat

>>18340897
no most things that are garbage have drugs, alcoholism, and sluts and college is merely the place where you are indoctrinated into this society of failure and garbage.

fight against it. live the nationalist life. stamp out nihilistic stupidity.

>>18340917
>nationalist life
Is this part where I enlist?

>>18340889

I attempt to provide support for a guild in a mobile game and apparently in discord, we end up in a few fights on how the guild should be run.

I was to thank him for the help and then that's when that all happens.

He doesn't forgive, so then everyone else who supports him decides to hate me and throw spite towards me in return.

Girls or Guys doesn't matter~
Talked with a girl for roughly 2 months and really hit it off. I'm 20 and she's 25 if that makes any difference, I don't know. I could tell that she was kind of into me since we talk everyday and hang out multiple times a week for movies, dinner, etc. Two weeks ago I found out that her boyfriend (that I didn't know existed till then) was cheating on her and she came out of it really messed up. I had no idea how to console her other than talking to her more and trying to hang out a lot, which she never rejected. Kind of in the heat of the moment and emotions, I confessed that I liked her a couple days ago and she said she was happy that I felt that way.There was a silence for a while after that and I said I would wait. She said she understood what I meant by that and I didn't think I needed to clarify to her that what I meant was that I would wait for her feelings to settle down before I try for a serious relationship with her.
But, the thing is, I don't know when she will recover or if I am really anything meaningful to her. I have seen no difference in her behavior towards me, through text or in person after the fact. She's the first girl in a long time (3 years of not so great relationships) that I've felt so happy with and felt so accepted by. Is it selfish of me to pursue her further or should I just wait for her to come to agreement with her past?
>so I got the advice from a thread yesterday that I should wait for her to settle, but was it even right of me to confess to her? I know I can't take it back and I know I won't get an answer for it soon, it just bothers me a lot at the moment.

I don't know what to feel.
What should I do?
Is it also plausible that she is simply hanging out with me to not think about her ex or to fill a void?
Is that even good for my prospects of dating her? Will it lead to an unhealthy relationship for us?
Could I just be insecure?

>>18340499
Don't leave cause you'll probably blow your brains out in the civ life being alone anon

I like this girl, we get along really well, better than any other girl I've known, but she has a boyfriend. I've made my peace with that and have decided to move on and not get involved with that bullshit. I don't pine for her.

Except that a mutual friend told me that she cried about not seeing me in a while. So fuck, does she actually like me? What should I do here? Keep my distance or try to get closer at the risk of her perhaps wanting to cheat? I wouldn't want her to do that for me as much as I like her.

>>18340973
she needs to get her shit together and your just along for the ride/ temporary,the closer you get the more it's gong to get messy for you.It's not selfish but you dont want to put yourself in something out of your control(like her boyfriend's reaction) so tread with caution.

>>18340973
Just say that you like her but you know she's had a hard breakup and needs to be alone for a while to learn to be herself again. Just be a friend for now. If you can't deal with that then leave her alone for a bit.

You can't un-confess, so you might as well be completely honest with her.


>Is it also plausible that she is simply hanging out with me to not think about her ex or to fill a void?
Probably, but she probably does like you.

However, it would still be unhealthy to actually really pursue her while she's still reeling, unless you just want to be a rebound. If you want her long term then maintain a bit of distance. You can still be her shoulder to cry on and talk to, and remind her that she can still go out and do fun things/take her out to do them and cheer her up.


Just try not to take advantage of her emotional vulnerability.

>>18340950
you don't enlist, you just do it. do what you can to make yourself better, your country better, and don't take part in the degenerate bullshit.

>>18341008
Just dont push it mate. If she really liked you and had her shit together she'd break up with her current guy.

So she either doesn't like you, or she likes you but doesn't have her shit together. Both are reasons to keep distance.

>>18341039
you sound like a poster recruiter anon your not selling it good enough.

>>18340409
Not the anon you were replying to, but you have no idea how much worse it can get.

Some guys are fine with going to whores, but most aren't. It's a really dehumanizing experience, desu. It's one of the most intimate experiences two humans can share, reduced to a cash transaction.

You could be one of the lucky ones. But a guy I know went to a hooker, couldn't get it up for the longest time, and then lost it when she checked her watch.

CHECKED HER WATCH.

It's up to you what you do but don't underestimate how much lower you can go.

>>18340742
These rage posts normally make me chuckle and then move on, but

Fucking good for you, Anon. You sound like a goddamn beast. Get that fuckin' paper. Fuck the haters!

>>18336575
I LOVE TO SUCK COCK!
Now I feel better... Thanks.

>>18341076
I'm not talking about military retard. get thee to /pol/, drink milk, lift, disregard thots.

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After going the full distance and going crazy looking for what I want to do, I'm back at square one: what I've always liked...and that's drawing. Doing a few commissions earned me more per hour than working in retail or my school office job and made me a thousand times happier.

Fuck knows I'd be majoring in it if my school art program was good (I have a full ride scholarship so, yeah, it wouldn't be a risk).

I feel kind of stupid, though. All this time I've heard so many anti-art memes and yet here I am, not convinced that I shouldn't pursue it...and I feel so stupid just spending the last three years almost ignoring it altogether because of my studies aside from a few commissions. It almost feels too late for me. There's scores of fabulous fresh outta high school talents getting into those highbrow art schools.

I'm 21 now and I feel so conflicted...

Ha! Really? Are we seriously going there? You asked for it.

Nostalgia is... painful. It lets you look back on the past with rose tinted glasses. Maybe things were better then. But for better or for worse, it's all in the past. To view things with nostalgia is to ignore the present, the importance of here and now.

I find myself looking back fondly on things in the past. Lately I've come to really accept that in hindsight, the second relationship I've been in may have been one of my best-- even if it was so short lived. Probably says something about me, though.

I'm still 21... I still have my whole life ahead of me... don't I? I still have many more adventures to embark on, more friendships to hopefully strengthen, and more of a chance to better myself. Perhaps... there's still time to find someone who will really stick by me. That uncertainty is terrifying though... and that's why I find myself looking fondly back onto the past. When things seemed simpler and nicer.

But I won't move forward if I keep doing this. I'll stagnate. I want to keep bettering myself until my dying breath.

I have a severe anxiety syndrome and when i want to get help about fucking problems affecting my life on /adv/ (related to mental illness) , i end up being too scared and frightened of doing something wrong, and i give up posting.

I'm afraid I'm too old to find someone worth committing to.

I'm afraid I'll never have a family.

I'm afraid I'll smoke and drug myself to death if this eventuality becomes reality.

>>18341255
well written anon.

Lately I've been getting that lonely/apathetic feeling again. I'm 19, still a virgin, and haven't been in a relationship since freshman year of highschool. I've been trying online dating via okcupid but I just don't really see things going anywhere. The only girl I've done anything with from there was a nutjob and i just match with scene/tumblr girls, girls way out of my league in terms of attractiveness, and potatofaced country girls who I'm neither attracted to nor have any interest in but are probably most likely to be my best shot as far as meeting someone. As it stands I'm a fatty with an "ok" face when I'm shaved and have my hair in check but that's kinda stretching it and I'm not really interesting enough to get the right kind of attention. On top of that, I'm a uni student with no job so I can't really take girls out anyway. I just want a girl that I can be myself around, give to and receive from affection both emotionally and physically, and have some mutual level of interest but I guess that's asking a lot.

If he doesn't like Twin Peaks, you should leave him and come back to me.

>>18336575
im thinking about buying a hooker cause thatll be the only sex ill ever get

Hey A,
I'm sorry I don't eat anymore. I'm sorry I smoke so much. I'm sorry I became everything I have been trying so hard not to be. It's been two days since we broke up and I have been consistently stoned or starving. I already told you I'd be doing stupid things. I'm thinking about drinking again now that you don't have to see that. Maybe I'll drink myself to death.
I tried so hard to keep away from pot but A, this disorder doesn't allow me to even think about food the same way you do. I've lost even more weight now. I don't really plan to stop or know when I'll be okay again. I've been hurting myself too and I don't know if I'll ever stop that either.
I've been listening to your music and thinking about how sad you really are. I'm sorry I made you sad. I'm sorry I scared you. I am sorry for telling you I thought you were beautiful back in October. I'm sorry for everything.
I wish I wasn't just another crazy ex-girlfriend to you. I'm probably insane but we both know how good I am in bed; maybe that's why you kept me around so long- that was usually the only way to get your attention. Don't think I didn't notice how you treated me. I may be unstable but being ignored for Overwatch and judged for everything I did when I was in a dark place just wasn't helpful. I tried. I guess I'm giving up now.

I really wish you wanted me enough to show it.
A

I can only blame myself for being a socially awkward loser

I hate every one and everything. My future is a clean blank slate but I'm ruining it by being slothful. I'm a hermit and my family hates that, but I hate people and have to choose making my family happy or me.

>>18337477
As someone who works in the ER. Kys

I'm pathetic. Used to disappointing myself now, but sometimes I surprise myself

>>18339522
Live in a hospital

so the last part that needs to go on my car is a press fit bushing... it's stuck in a really tight spot and won't press in all the way. I'm literally an inch from the finish line and shit has to go wrong. every time. why is this life? why couldn't I just get my car back? lol it's all so fucking tiresome.

I don't know why anybody would love me. Nobody ever has. Even if I fixed my problems, there's a million people doing better than I am while never being as broken as I am.

Also I smiled a lot today but I felt like getting in the fetal position and crying every time

Hey Dan, go fuck yourself you British twat. You're as funny as gingivitis, which you probably have you filthy brit stereotype. Piece of shit, go laugh up your own ass sometime cause it must be an echo chamber in there.

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Hey, S. It's W. Thank you for loving me during this time. I know I haven't made it easy for you and I appreciate you sticking by me 200%. I care about you more than you will ever know.

Yours,
W.S.

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>>18340714

I'm in a similar situation man... I could use some advice on this, too.

>>18336575
Dear faggot who can't seem to leave me alone,
You could fall off a cliff and I wouldn't even care. Your world view is so embarrassingly closed-in that I don't even know how you made it through school. Take your autistic research project, print it out, and physically shove it up your ass. Every time I come to that room, I am WORKING. I never ask you about your work, I never even walk over to you because you smell like a literal horse to me. You fucked up halfway through your project by calling a British patriot a goddamn Nazi and misrepresenting the poor guy, anyway. Also stop throwing fucking pens at me. It's cute when you're 5 but you're in your late 20's. If you think I take it as a real gesture of interest, I suggest you go back to whatever EU shithole you came from and die there.
Leave me alone, never talk to me again, and let me get my fucking work done, you tremendously retarded manchild.

I will never date you.
I barely want to be around you.
You said yourself that your longest relationship was 3 months, and that's painfully obvious.
I like men that treat me like a human, not a FUCKING ZOO ANIMAL.

Fuck you.

SF, I really miss you.
-AB

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MY JOB IS SO FUCKING BORING

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

It's good to hear from you again, S.

This is worth repairing. We both know this. We've made tremendous strides and progress and it's so great. Time is needed but this can work.

I hope I can talk to you in person this week.

With love,

T

How can you be so fucking retarded and get back with your ex after you told me all that shit about him
Are you literally a fucking retard
I'm serious
how can a person be so fucking dense

good luck, idiot

I can't believe that, once again, I believed any woman could be different. You are all the fucking same. You stupid cunt. Fuck you.

I will get over you, but you can't un-suck my dick. Bitch.