Bottom of the bottle... rock bottom.

I blacked out and ended up in a hospital, gave myself some pretty severe organ pain from some long term binges and lost quite a few friends and several jobs

Never really did the aa thing, mostly white - knuckled it and switched to weed, no liquor for a few months now, exercising regularly and feel much better mentally but it was a very long struggle to quit, years with relapses.

Kratom can help if you don't have easy access to doc prescribed meds to treat underlying depression or whatever

>>18335168
Very bad way to go, OP... Death by alcohol can be a horrific death, especially if you end up getting addicted to the feelings and living for it for a while. Once you reach that point, you die in a hell of seizures and hallucinations.

As for me, I get drunk/do drugs because nothing else makes me feel alive anymore. Nothing is fun, or even remotely enjoyable. Love is still a powerful intoxicant, too, but when does that ever work out well for people like us? I often ended up drinking because I couldn't handle the crushing realities of my situation, and especially when I would abstain for a while and feel my normal emotions begin to come back.

Do you remember a time when you were happy, content, and blissfully ignorant? Probably when you were a kid, that's when it was for me, and likely most people. I couldn't imagine the level of mental pain that I have been in recently back then.

I suppose what we ought to take from this is: There may be a better future that our current selves can't comprehend as well. That's why I'm continuing on, really.

>>18335196
I might have to see about that. Grew up hard headed about taking any medicines, especially antidepressants. But these binges are catching up now the older I get.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGNeN068J1E

>>18335205
>>18335205
That's how I used to think. Honestly, I remember being a kid and wanting to kill myself and started searching for something, anything, that I should look forward too.

As dumb as it sounds, Family guy was new at the time, and I knew the next episode would be on the the next night. Figured it gave me a chuckle, so I'd watch it and see if I still wanted to off myself. That's about how I've been going for about 15 years now... not Family Guy, but finding any reason to see why I should stick around for another idle Tuesday evening.

Joined the Navy, moved across the country, tried a little bit of everything, from drugs to sex to whatever. The worst part is, I'm actually in a decent part of life. I've got an awesome wife, a decent job, and some good friends finally... but shit, it feels weird if there is not some sort of turmoil going on, like this isn't real. But once I do it until I'm in turmoil, I feel like drinking to be rid it... the cliche vicious cycle bullshit.

Then I wonder why I even did it. Like you said, I'm kind of like you because I feel impartial to all of this, and fuck if alcohol and drugs don't spruce up the situation a bit. I'm just bitching, I know, but as fucked up as it sounds, it's good to hear from a couple that they've gone through it too. Maybe no solution, but, misery loves company.

If you've truly hit rock bottom, there's only one way to go from there.

>>18335251
https://youtu.be/D2P85gnTn8Y

>>18335275
I suppose man... sometimes I feel like being stubborn and stupid, and grabbing a shovel and pickax to see how much further down I can dig that whole though.

Sounds stupid but for me I tried to get back to a time where I was so happy and involved with something I cared about nothing else... And that was World of Warcraft. Sure it was another addiction but a much healthier and controllable one which then helped me get sober and get my shit together whilst keeping a job and deciding what to do next.. I managed to learn how to diet and I've gotten into shape and my next move is travelling Asia once I've saved enough money. It takes a long time this took me about 4 years but it's been worth it considering I was ready to kill myself where I was waking up in police cells not knowing how I got there etc.

>>18335375
Wait so you took to drinking post wow or did wow help you get better

>>18335426
No I took to wow to distract me from getting blackout drunk 3 nights a week and just generally fucking my life up which came around slowly after highschool where the living for the weekend way of living sort of crept up on me big time

>>18335375
Doesn't sound dumb, I get the trading part, one vice for another, less detrimental one. Haven't played that in years, but might be worth a shot, or something like it.