I fucking hate myself and I want to die

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Lift weights.

1. List the things you hate about yourself. Be as specific as possible.

2. For each thing, come up with a strategy for how you can change that thing.

2a. If the thing you hate is impossible to change by any practical means, forget about it for now. Focus on the stuff you can change.

3. Follow the strategies you outlined in point 2 in order to attempt to change the things you hate. If the strategy doesn't work, go back and rethink a new one.

4. Rinse and repeat

>>18330338
Will that alleviate my crushing self hatred and desire to die?
I have already tried to lose weight and have dropped from 120kgs to just 104 kgs but it hasn't stopped my self hatred

>>18330343
1. Way too many to list. It would be far easier to list the things I don't hate about myself because that would be one damn short list.

>>18330348
>>18330355

Introspection and self-improvement is the path to curing self-loathing.

If you're not proactive about helping yourself, you will never get better. It takes hard effort.

I used to hate myself too. It feels like that was a long time ago now. I'm quite proud of what I've made of myself. I think anyone can do it, it just takes willpower and determination. You can't let yourself slip into a feedback loop of self-pity and helplessness

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>>18330348
Yes. It will make you stronger. Give you more focus.

Do what everyone else here does. Keep living out of spite and fear and stay healthy because you don't want to spend the last 20% rotting away like a piece of human shit.

>>18330408
>You can't let yourself slip into a feedback loop of self-pity and helplessness
Way ahead of you m8.
I am already in the feedback loop of self hatred and disgust. I don't pity myself one bit. I fucking abhor myself

>>18330418
Well, worth the shot. At least if I am stronger I can do some actual damage when I finally lash out at the world and self terminate.

>>18330430

You gotta pull yourself out. Make a huge effort to change the things you don't like. If you don't, the misery will continue

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>>18330435
Good.

>>18330436
There is nothing to fucking pull myself out with. No rope with which to climb out.

>>18330450
don't hurt yourself thinkin about it m7 just go to the gym. smoke some weed.

>>18330408
Can't agree more. I hit rock bottom and anons convinced me I could still make something of myself. And since then, I have.

OP, you should tell us about yourself and what makes you want to stop existing.

>>18330343
Actually, fuck it, I'll try to list some of the reasons I hate myself.

>depressed
>ugly
>fat (tried to work on this, and thus far have lost over 16 kgs, still see myself as a fat piece of shit)
>lazy
>boring
>lonely
>utterly failed male
>useless
>pointless and worthless hobbies and interests
>fucking loser
>a leech and a burden on my parents financially and emotionally
>probably a pedophile as well, given that the only people towards whom I have felt the closest thing to romantic love I have ever felt in my soon 24 years of existence, are my two preteen cousins, and the first and the only time I was even kissed by a girl was when one of them gave me a peck on my lips.

I am a fucking waste of space and I quite honestly benefit nobody with my existence. World would be a better place if I was dead, because my self hatred and bitterness is quickly turning me into a resentful and murderous monster.

>>18330474
I forgot a couple more reasons why I hate myself:
>constantly waste time on trivial and useless bs
>currently failing my preparation for university entrance exam because I am a lazy shit who can't focus on studying
>wasted the last one and a half years "studying" in an expensive school with my parents and government's money
>utterly unattractive as a person

>>18330461
Here ya go:
>>18330474
>>18330498

The only time during the last 5 years when my life felt happy and meaningful was few years ago when I was living at my aunt's place and got to spend time with my cousins. Those girls were the light of my life and made my existence feel like it had purpose. I loved them, and I guess that I still do, which makes the fact that I can never have what I had then again, all the more painful.

I'm in the same boat. I actually tried to kill myself a while ago but it didn't take. Now I can't make myself do anything like that again but I'm always thinking about it. I dunno what to do. I've been trying different things, going / doing things I'd never do. It keeps me occupied a bit but I'm not feeling any better. I don't know man.

>>18330474
>>18330498

Anon, while these problems of yours seem daunting, they're actually not that bad and quite easily fixed. Let's break it down.

>depressed
This is a symptom of your problems, not a problem in and of itself.

>ugly, fat (tried to work on this, and thus far have lost over 16 kgs, still see myself as a fat piece of shit)
You were on the right track. Fitness is a great way to boost your confidence and get healthy. Get back into it.

>lazy, boring, useless, utterly failed male, fucking loser, unattractive as a person
These are simply problems with your perception of yourself. By convincing yourself of these things, you're stopping yourself from being proactive and taking the reigns on your life. It is absolutely imperative that you ditch this pessimistic mindset, it serves absolutely no purpose and is most likely the #1 obstacle in getting you out of this shit

>lonely
You need to love yourself before bringing other people into your life. Once you get your shit together, the loneliness problem will be easily solved.

>>18330586
>It is absolutely imperative that you ditch this pessimistic mindset
Hiw do you suppose I do that, when I have been pessimistic since childhood

>>18330498
>>18330474
>>18330586

>pointless and worthless hobbies and interests
Once again, a problem of perception.

>a leech and a burden on my parents financially and emotionally
Finding a career is a long term goal. What can you do to bring you closer to it? Put your nose to the grindstone and study hard.

>probably a pedophile as well, given that the only people towards whom I have felt the closest thing to romantic love I have ever felt in my soon 24 years of existence, are my two preteen cousins, and the first and the only time I was even kissed by a girl was when one of them gave me a peck on my lips.
See comment above about loving yourself before trying to find love from other people

>I am a fucking waste of space and I quite honestly benefit nobody with my existence. World would be a better place if I was dead, because my self hatred and bitterness is quickly turning me into a resentful and murderous monster.
STOP. This is a self-defeating attitude. You've given up before you even tried. You NEED TO MAKE AN EFFORT.

>constantly waste time on trivial and useless bs
Learn what habits are good for you and which ones don't benefit you at all. Learn to recognize when you are doing something simply to procrastinate vs. doing it because you actually enjoy it. You need to cut out the stuff that isn't benefitting you.

>currently failing my preparation for university entrance exam because I am a lazy shit who can't focus on studying
There it is again. The self-defeating attitude.

>wasted the last one and a half years "studying" in an expensive school with my parents and government's money
You can bounce back from this. I'm over 50k in debt in student loans myself, but I'm on a payment program and being proactive about paying that shit off.

You can do this. You HAVE to do this. It's an absolute necessity. Nobody can pull you out but YOURSELF. There is not going to be some divine intervention, some rope extended down to you. YOU have to do it. So fucking do it.

>>18330586
Also, I am too fucking tired to fix myself at this point. It is too late for me. I will turn 24 in few weeks and I have made no progress at my life in over 5 years. I just want this bs to end already

>>18330617
Or I can fucking give up and die. I can never get back the happiness I had few years ago anyways, so why fucking bother? My life has no purpose and when it is only causing me pain why should I force myself to endure it?

>>18330607
You do it by being proactive. Stop thinking about why you can't so stuff and just do it.

Like I said, your problems are honestly not that bad. You just have this mental block where you're constantly taking a shit on yourself and convincing yourself you can't.

You have the choice of doing it, or continuing in your cycle of misery and self loathing. You've got nothing to lose by improving yourself, and EVERYTHING to lose by accepting your fate as a worthless loser.

Do you want to enjoy life? Do you want to feel proud of yourself and love yourself? If the answer is yes then stop fucking moping around. Get off your ass and do something about it

>>18330633

>Do you want to enjoy life? Do you want to feel proud of yourself and love yourself?

I cannot imagine myself doing either. When I ask myself what I want the first answer I get is "to die".

>>18330621
Then you need to see a therapist. Depression is a disease that needs treatment. Getting treatment would be the first step you take in your self improvement.

>>18330632
>I can never get back the happiness I had few years ago anyways, so why fucking bother?
This is simply false.

>My life has no purpose and when it is only causing me pain why should I force myself to endure it?
Nobody's life has any purpose. That's why when it's shitty you have to do everything you can to make it not shitty. You will die no matter what, so try and make the best of it. Giving up is just a waste. You were given consciousness for this tiny blip in an endless eternity. That is a gift, but YOU have to make something of it.

>>18330647
I am seeing a therapist and even he has said that depression is not something that can be cured, it is something one has to learn how to live with.

>This is simply false
No, it is completely true. I can never have what I had with my cousins ever again. I saw them few days ago and they didn't even talk to me. We have grown apart. Whenever I look at the pictures from few years ago, of our times together, the amusement park trips, and remember how I used to give them piggyback rides and so on, I just want to cry. That was the because time of my life and I can never have it back.
I might as well die.

>>18330664
The best time of my life*
Damn autocorrect

>>18330641
And you've admitted you're too scared to make that happen yourself. So guess what? That means you either have to wait in misery, or consider the other answers that come to mind.

Do you care about anything? Besides how attractive death seems at the moment?

>>18330678
I dunno. I certainly don't really care about myself or my hobbies anymore. I guess that I care about my cousins, my parents and our two dogs. One of the other reasons I don't dare to kill myself is the pain it would cause to my parents.

>>18330664
I didn't say cure, I said treatment.

Also, what you said is false. In your mind, what you had with your cousins is an ideal of happiness that's impossible to rekindle.

What you don't understand is there are other sources of happiness besides that. So yes, it's false to say you can't get back to the level of happiness you felt before.

I'm giving you this advice because I have felt what you felt. The feelings of helplessness and worthlessness. I wanted to die too.

I was able to turn my life around, and I can't describe the joy of having that weight of sadness lifted off of my chest.

It makes me sad to hear people like you who are going through something similar and want to kill themselves, when there is a way out. I know, because I lived it. An acquaintance of mine killed herself, and I wish I would have known how sad she was, because I would have given her the same advice I'm giving you.

Don't give up on yourself, man.

Drive onto the sidewalk in times square.

>>18330684
>What you don't understand is there are other sources of happiness besides that
We'll I haven't found any. I have no sources of happiness in my life anymore.

>Don't give up on yourself, man.
I have already done that

>>18330708

Well, your initial question was

>I am too cowardly to kill myself tho, so wat do?

So you've got two choices. Continue to be constantly miserable, or don't. I'm just letting you know what worked for me.

>>18330708
If you've already given up on yourself, why are you asking for advice that you can't will yourself to even consider?

>>18330684
>don't give up on yourself
Is that it?

>>18330724
Sure, if you want to ignore the paragraphs of advice I wrote above that. That's it.

>>18330722
I do not know desu. I am so damn tired of all of this

>>18330729
Just felt like a big build up to some anti-climactic advice, pal.

Not OP btw

>>18330735
I'm giving practical advice, not writing a fucking screenplay

>>18330731
I think that I'll go to sleep. Maybe tomorrow will bring better feelings

Break the law.

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>>18330757
That sounds good anon. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

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Think of it this way

If you are unconscious, you dont observe time etc.

You are unconscious when you are dead obv.

Space time is mos likely infinite. This means that matter will have an infinite amount of time to move/change.

Your awareness is made up of a specific combo of matter/energy.

This means that in an infinite timeline, matter is guaranteed to recreate your awareness an infinite amount of times.

tl:dr if you kill yourself, you will feel like getting revived instantly.

This has made me want to kyms, and i dont hate life :D

Get trips, kill others.