Greetings. I came here for some psychological help. I do have

>>18329596

get off r9k, it's a cesspit of morons that will make your life worse in every measurable way.

>>18329601
I think I can understand what you're talking about.

I can relate to them with my psychological profile, so we appear more or less connected despite that the crowd is too varied sometimes.

But I guess it's not the correct cultural sphere for me.

So you're saying I should try to get friends from other boards?
I can't possibly go IRL because I get too tired from simply looking at people's faces.

Bump.

Sapere aude.

>>18329596
I haven't had problems with getting friends but I do really understand your situation and what I can tell you is start doing a sport. You might not become friends with everyone or even anyone but that's only because you don't know how to talk with them. Within a year i guarntee you that you will at least be friendly with most at the club. This has really helped me get a lot of "bro help" where of previously ive only gotten logical "autist" help since those are the only good friends ive had.

I HIGHLY recommend doing BJJ. You will be weak and out of training and no one will judge you. Everyone been there and as long you keep going you will get strong and in shape. Goodluck

>>18329732
Thanks for the tip.

Even counting that I'm quite fit, the sports are a taboo for me. I have a certain medical condition, and if someone hits my head too hard, I will lose my vision forever.

Also, I am afraid I will not share the same interests with the people who join the sports clubs. In my country, it's popular amongst marginals so they could show off, even in high-quality fitness centres.

My issue is that I am not searching for many friends. I am searching for one close friend I could whine about my problems to.
I wouldn't be able to maintain contact with many people anyways.

>>18329758
Okay, I see. Even tho I find it unlikely that a BJJ club is filled with "showoffs" I take your word for it. You sound unbelievably much like my current best friend haha. She has some issues mainly caused by her parents and she really really needs this one friend(me) to talk to about a lot of things she has on her mind.

What worked for her was just becoming friends with this autist from school who doesn't really do much and made him do stuff.

What I think you gotta do is find people (anywhere) that you can have FUN with. Even if you dont have fun and they have fun you will become friends with them (as long you dont show youre not having fun). If you're old enough getting drunk, going to the club just talking to people might be a good start?

Your problem is you're not searching for a friend at all, you're searching for a crutch. Sadly for you this is what therapists are for, not friends.

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>>18329770
As I previously said, I was trying to get to know some people as autistic as I am, but it did not end well, so I am not sure about that. Maybe I should aim higher and improve even more, but it's too exhausting.

As for the drinking, I don't. I am too afraid to lose consciousness and suffer from the consequences of my uncontrolled actions.

>>18329777
You are correct.
Earlier, my goal was to somehow graduate and amass as much money as I can so I could pay the therapists for listening to me.

But does it mean I've been romanticizing friendship? I saw it as having someone who could support you in every way whenever needed, and I am ready to support him, too.

Maybe you're wrong? Why is that I can't express my feelings in all honesty? When a girl whines, it's OK, but I should be a steel titan, as you might suggest?

But whenever I was open, not yet whining, expecting the people I was talking to to open in return, they did it much less than me.

>>18329800
>But does it mean I've been romanticizing friendship?
Yes. No-one wants to deal with your bullshit 24/7 when they're simultaneously dealing with their own bullshit 24/7. Of course some friends are happy to do that, but it takes years of bonding and shared experiences to reach that point, it's a privilege not a right, and it doesn't just happen overnight.

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe not. That's for you to consider and decide. And I never once suggested you should be a steel titan, to be perfectly clear I was assuming you were a girl in the first place. Take that however you will. You can't expect too much from other people, some will pleasantly surprise you and others will disappoint you but they'll never meet your expectations. The problem is you're entering friendships with a set idea of what you're planning to take from them, and that's a bad way to go about it. You're far too high-strung.

>>18329800
IT takes time for people to open and some (like myself) can almost not open up since we don't either want to or feel uncomfortable about it.

The friendship support part is not what friendship is. Friendship is enjoying each other's company and having fun. The support and the long lasting emotional supporting part comes way after friendship In most cases.

Also alcohol does NOT make you loose your mind etc. all it does it make you less tense and make you think less. It's not like a high dose of LSD where you actually completely loose your mind

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>>18329837
>>18329845

Your words are wise.

It's foolish for me to expect people to open to me after the first meeting.

What to do then? Should I invest my time in other people and expect results, knowing that they may leave me anytime?

You see, I am mildly autistic. I do not understand the concept of "fun". I cannot talk about random things, only about things of my or my partner's concern. Usually, I talk with questions and answers, and I'm one of these people who hear "how are you" and start describing in detail how they are.

Because of me, my partner in dialogue and I run out of themes to talk about fairly quickly.

I do not understand how does one talk about anything else than their questions. People of my age and younger, who walk in companies, are really strange to me, constantly talking and laughing.

It feels like I am missing a vital point of communication which you two do have subconsciously. I tried to make some basic algorithms of communication in my mind, but it quickly gets too complex.

I've heard alcohol makes people feel good. I feel really bad for three years already, and it's getting worse. I'm afraid that if I start drinking and feel good from it, I won't ever stop doing it.

>>18329865
It's difficult to really give you advice on this, to be perfectly honest. Your main problems seem to stem from autism, and given how you've described yourself I don't think it's mild at all. For a start look at how you're describing conversations, it's not just talking to someone, to you, they're your partner. I don't think that's a healthy outlook. And maybe this is a cop-out because I'm tired, or maybe it's just the truth, but autism of your type is fairly specialised and thus requires specialist knowledge to deal with. If you're absolutely right that your country offers no support for that (I do find that hard to believe, that absolutely none exists) then sadly that means you're on your own, but there's still a ton of reading material and support groups online you can look into. Ultimately you're going to have to work through dealing with the core problem (your autism) and then the rest of the problems will iron themselves out and the solutions will start making sense to you in time.

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>>18329897
I will work through, as I've been for years from now.
I don't have a choice.

People of my condition are not considered disabled unless they are unable to move or think. These people get a pension of 100-120 bucks a month. I do not suffer from hallucinations, so if I even get a monthly compensation of some sort, it won't be higher than 60 bucks.

Clinical depression in my country is a major problem no one cares about.
The society assumes a man should work for all his life to support his family, but no one thinks about their feelings.
They do not even visit therapists, as visible emotional instability is considered to be a weakness a man shouldn't have by any means.

I spent 24 years doing what I must do, doing what others wanted me to do, but I rarely did something I liked, and if I enjoyed it, I soon regretted it.

I envy happy people.

Whenever I get happy, I tend to make mistakes that make everything much, much worse. It's like I don't deserve to be happy. It's like some kind of curse, although I don't believe in these.

I do not want to get old and get my issues ironed out under the press of my increasing cynicism. I want to enjoy life, as I only have one. Can't I?

>>18329928
>I want to enjoy life, as I only have one. Can't I?
That's entirely up to you. Good luck and godspeed.