Girlfriend planning to have gay friend spend the night with her

>""""""""""gay"""""""""" friend

At the very least his morning boner will poke your gf's butt. I hope you haven't been toghether for long, because the eject button is flashing...

You sound completely reasonable to me. This is something you need to talk about with her, and not in a roundabout way. The way you explained here sounds like a great way to present it to her. Try not to attack her about it, but be direct that you're not comfortable with it, not as a demand that she can't, but to bounce how you're feeling off of her.

>>18328520

I'm hoping it won't be relationship destroying event. That's the other part is I have an inkling that they're not entirely gay. Another part of me feels it's wrong even if they're gay. Why do they get afforded the privilege to sleep next to her?

>>18328522
Thank you. I only went roundabout because it wasn't set in stone and was just mentioned that it would most likely happen. I don't plan to say don't do it or it's over, but I will make my feelings and point of view known. I will definitely be upset for awhile if it does take place. I just hope it doesn't turn into a situation where she ends up being upset and all her friends think i'm an asshole, but I don't want to bottle it up either.

Why do they need to sleep together in the first place? Knowing that will be helpful when confronting her.

>>18328513
My guidelines:
>sleeping with straight female
OK.
>sleeping with lesbian female
OK.
>sleeping with anything that has a penis
NOT OK.

>>18328513
>If the roles were reversed I don't think she would be very comfortable. Part of me is angry that I even I have to explain my case and that I would be taken more into consideration.
So it goes. Explain that shit.

You can pretty much kiss your relationship goodbye if she does this too, since it will open the door for more shit in the future,

You're just a weak guy that should kill himself.

>>18328544
It's not the event itself, it's everything around it: her being comfortable with sleeping in the same bed with another man (even if gay), doing so knowing that you're not comfortable with it, and so on...

And you're right, I don't know why he can get a pass just because he's gay. That leaves the door open to many other exceptions.

>>18328513
I would honestly leave my gf if she even suggested something liker that. Imagine me asking her to let me sleep with a lesbian bff of mine that I also used to fuck.

Also, kys.

You're literally a textbook sample of a cuck.

Just end yourself.

She's a fucking liar.

If my girlfriend said she had to sleep in a bed with another man, regardless of whether or not he's gay, it would raise SO many red flags.

Buy the dude a fucking airbed or buy one for you and your girlfriend to share. This is unnacceptable, do NOT leave her out of your sight when he comes over. This sounds suspicious as fuck.

You're not gonna make it in any aspects of life, OP.

>>18328513
She is gonna have sex with him make out and shit.

>>18328513
>In a roundabout way
There's your problem. Be more direct and have an honest conversation.

I fucking swear, 99% of /adv/'s relationship problems would be solved by this.

The fact that you haven't already left her. You're a fucking doormat.

kys

>>18328553
As she explained it he's just a good friend who happens to be gay. It's definitely something I will bring up.

>>18328628
What the fuck? Are you that much of a cuck? What kind of excuse is that to need to sleep in the same bed as someone? Get rid of this girl OP, god knows what she's done behind your back. She knows you're fucking stupid which is why she asked you this ridiculous question in the first place.

>>18328556
that's about where I'm at

>>18328564
I'm chalking it up to immaturity. They are far from being calculated and manipulative. At least intentionally.

>>18328583
Ouchies :(

>>18328588
right on, I'm glad i'm not alone in my thoughts

>>18328595
Who said I was complacent in this fucko?

>>18328609
Yeah it definitely suspicious. He doesn't live in town so it's not like it has been an issue before, but it would be an event where he would be present.

>>18328622
I wanted to see what she felt about it and see if she could see the issue just by placing it out there loosely instead of YOU'RE NOT GOING TO KEK ME BITCH!

>>18328625
I'm no doormat son. I'm into reasoning and not just being a straight up asshole.

>>18328643
>reasoning
Cuck

Can I also fuck your gf op

>>18328635
It wasn't presented as "this is how it's going to be." As some may put it that if this guy is gay I have nothing to worry about about, but I'm essentially trying to confirm my feelings which seem overwhelmingly confirmed.

>>18328513
3 words:

HELL

FUCKING

NO!

>>18328513
Fuck her gay friend, show dominance.

>>18328654
Dude if she wasn't trying to fuck this guy she wouldn't need to sleep in the same bed as him.
She'd probably make you sleep outside of the room too.

Leave this girl. She's obviously in love with the guy she's proclaiming is gay. Does he have a facebook? Is he in a relationship? My god how can people be so dumb

>>18328654
You're such a big fucking moron it's fucking unbelievable.

>>18328669

She would never make me sleep outside the room lol. He's not in a relationship and I have met him in person. Seems quite gay and I'm not worried about him in that respect. It's that even if he is gay, that shit is just not right anyway is what i'm saying. And yes I always have my suspicions of anyone that proclaims to be gay anyway.

>>18328672
Yeah sorry real common situation that should have been real simple to figure out and happens all the time...

>>18328513
Good for you man.

>>18328654
Just remember this thread when she eventually cheats on you one day.

>>18328674
c u c k
u u
c c
k k

>>18328513
Do you get good boy points for letting him sleep with your gf or what's up?

How do you justify this shit. Like what goes through your head?

should change the subject to
"Girlfriend plans to cuck me, asking if it's okay first"

>>18328656
This
You'd better cucked your girlfriend with this faggot, show who's boss.

>>18328702
I don't justify it, I'm intending to make my argument. That. Is. The. Point.

>>18328699
Fuck the good boy points, those points would be fucking worthless after that event

>>18328513
Will you swallow his load? Your gf might get upset if you don't.

So this is the guy that /fit/ is memeing about.

>>18328513
>Girlfriend planning to have "gay friend" spend the night with her in her bed

OP, you need to have a serious talk with her about this. Even if she may not pursue this, or it could turn out to be completely innocent, you don't deserve to have your feelings disregarded. A good partner would understand the situation.

This kind of behavior would make any man conflicted. This is an enormous red flag if she doesn't see how this is an issue and how it disrespects your relationship's boundaries.

It's really shady to get into a bed with another person you used to date, even if he "Doesn't appear" to be attracted to the opposite sex. When you speak to her, just don't be angry or accusative, because that's where so many guys go wrong.

That said, my gut's telling me that she's lying. People usually aren't that naive.

>>18328513
Cuck

This gives me hope, because I really want to fuck this guys gf at the gym. He is dyel.

>>18328715
You're justifying it. They will sleep in the same bed because you're a tool.

>>18328760
I have never said that I'm okay with it and I intend to say as much.

>>18328739
no

>>18328740
This is exactly what I was thinking. I don't know where everyone gets off that this is something that I condone. I wanted to see if anyone had to deal with this before, but apparently not.

Why don't you leave her?

>>18328784
You condone being cucked because you're with a girl that's cucking you

They probably cum to eachother on skype

It's probably the gf asking the question ITT, to see how other guys would react. I refuse to believe that OP is an actual guy.

>>18328849
I would. Happens all the time.

>>18328868
Do it op. Everything will be fine.

did OP finally realize hes getting cucked

>>18328513
most gay men are actually bisexual, some use it as an excuse to play with womens tiddies

He will fuck the arse off her and thank her for converting him.

>>18328513
My girlfriend will never sleep with anyone even with her lesbian friend.Because she respect me and she don't find any excuses like this.

Even that sometimes I try to convince her to have action with her lesbian friend together, she ended being very angry at me.

If she loves you she would like to fuck with you and not sleeping with anyone.

If I am you I would ghost her and let her think why you act cold at her.If she mentions gay friend is a reason just agree and amplify then dump her because she didn't learn her lesson and don't respect you and loves you anymore.Save your time from sinking ship.

It's been like only a week since I was last on /adv/, how did it go to shit this quickly?

Summary of the thread so far: OP ACTUALLY LISTENS TO /ADV/ (rare to begin with) and resolves to tell his girlfriend "I'm not comfortable with this and I don't want you to do it."

Everyone else:
> C U C K
> U
> C
> K

There are so many people on here who discard all the sensible advice they get and hone in on the one or two morons who tell them exactly what they want to hear, why the fuck are y'all making fun of the one guy who listened to reason and decided to do exactly the right thing?

>>18329278
It's the truth, why would you try to sugar coat it?
It's a truth about someone he's about to propose to.

>>18328513

dump her

>>18329281
Sugarcoat what? Nobody's saying that what she's doing is OK, OP isn't under any delusions that it's OK, he AGREES THAT IT'S NOT OK and is PUTTING A STOP TO IT. What the fuck do you want from him?

It'd be right to call him a "cuck" if, after being bombarded with advice to the contrary, he decided "You know what, it's fine, I'm just going to have to trust her" - literally the opposite of what he's doing.

>>18329312
A cuck is someone who is getting cheated on. This won't be the first time I'm sure.

>>18329317
If I don't know, Clint Eastwood was cheated on, or some other influential figure of masculinity, would you earnestly believe they're a cuck?

I get the definition is skewed, but to me a cuck means someone who is knowingly being cheated on and either takes pleasure from their partner's cheating, or submissively and knowingly accepts it.

>>18328556
That's funny because it doesn't go backward. You wouldn't sleep with a straight/gay male even if your gf allowed it. You sound like the kind of contradicting cuck that would let his gf have sex with other girls, but not other guys.

Can I ask you what's the issue here?
It's not like they are going to have sex or anything.

I really wouldn't have issues knowing my boyfriend was sleeping next to another person, whether their gender/sexual orientation is.

I'm just curious.

>>18328656
kek'd

>>18329278
>>18329312

I guess I half expected it. It's what I was leaning towards, but I wanted to see if there was any type of counter argument I may end up dealing with.

>>18329451
It's the intimacy. I don't feel it's appropriate unless it's me or a close family member. Just because they're gay doesn't mean they are going to get their jollies and it does feel sexual even if they may not have sex. Do I get to share my bed with other women? Nope, so I don't think I should have to make the exception.

>>18329278
OP is not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship.

>>18329312
>You know what, it's fine, I'm just going to have to trust her
But this is exactly what he is doing!! They will have a tiny argument first, maybe, and then it goes down.

There is no acceptable reason to have another male in her bed. If her party is a month out, she has plenty of time to come up with sleeping accommodations for this guy that don't involve him being in her bedroom, let alone her bed. Regardless of what she says and how she rationalizes it, her behavior is telling a story about what kind of person she is and her value system.

>>18328643
>I wanted to see what she felt about it and see if she could see the issue just by placing it out there loosely instead of YOU'RE NOT GOING TO KEK ME BITCH!
I said have an honest conversation, not lash out at her. Holy shit, end the relationship if you can't talk with her like a normal person.

File: 1494093995590.jpg (124KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

124KB, 640x640px

lol

>>18329866
That is what I will be doing. The majority of people seem to think it's normal to just lash out and be an asshole.

File: 1494890057818.png (775KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

775KB, 1920x1080px

>>18330308
Here is how it should go down.

>''femlet, I can't accept that you want to sleep with your ex''
>1. ''Ok anon, I wont do it''
or
>2. ''You're overreacting, show some understand for our guest omg''

Either way she will takes his cock with grace, but you'll save some face if you do it as a gent. The fact that she even suggested it in the first place is fucking mind blowing.

You should already be dumping this bitch. Alternatively you can wait for the party, beat up the little faggot she wants to sleep with in front of everyone and than dump her.

>>18329437
>let his gf have sex with other girls, but not other guys.
You don't understand the difference here?
Let me guess, your about 300lbs with 3 kids from different dads. And covered in sloppy tatoos?

>>18328513
For me if a man that is not from her close family gets less than 1 meter near my gf is already invading my territory and i'm legally able to act in self defense to protect my interests.

>>18330339
There's no difference. A relationship is all about fidelity. When you hook up with another human when you're already tied to one, that's called cheating.

>>18328513
I hate western women and I hope they all die in an upcoming feminist war.

>>18330734
So what if her brother fucks her? You won't touch him? Start using that noggin' for once and try stating universal axioms. And what you're talking about is not legal.

>>18330784
How'd you think that would play out?

>>18330791
They militarize, overestimate their worth, intelligence, and capabilities like usual and are BTFO by an actual army that doesn't just pretend to understand discipline, sacrifice, and violence. It's a fun if not entirely realistic scenario I like to imagine.

>>18328513
I don't think your concern is reasonable and I think it is unhealthy to expect there to be no intimacy outside of a relationship.

That said, there is nothing wrong with having boundaries and it only really matters if you and your gf's boundaries align.

For me, finding out my bf had your views would probably end up being a dealbreaker, if not for the views themselves, for the issues that would result from our incompatibility.

In my view, neither of you is particularly in the wrong but this may be the sort of thing that ends the relationship. Like someone else said, this situation is an indicator of how your gf feels about things and those feelings may not be compatible with your own.

>>18328513
its painfully evident somethings gonna happen between them. shes testing you to see if youll stand up and fight her on this or be a spineless jellyfish and accept whatever she asks. the trick is to be direct and firm. tell her that you are NOT comfortable with her sleeping with him and that she wouldnt be okay with you sleeping with a lesbian. allow her to speak her piece but remain firm and steady. restate and remind her that its unacceptable.

>>18328513
I'll bet you that it's not as serious as you think it's going to be HOWEVER you are still not overreacting in the slightest and that should bother you. I'd think the same thing about you shouldn't even be having to explain why that's an issue.

I doubt you have as much to worry about as you think you do but this could definitely be an issue between you two later on. Unless her gay friend actually is a total hound.

>>18328513
Just tell her your ex is coming to visit and will be crashing with you that night. It's cool though cause your in a relationship so nothing will happen.

>>18331023
but is the ex gay???

>>18330842
Would you be okey with your bf sleeping next to his ex in bed?

File: 1480389967844.gif (856KB, 320x240px) Image search: [Google]

856KB, 320x240px

>>18328513

>Am I overreacting or does this seem to be a serious issue?

Considering this is bait and your girlfriend and her gay friend don't exist, I think you're reacting just fine.

>>18330842
How would that be a dealbreaker? I get it if you're in an open or monogamish relationship, but we're not so that doesn't make sense to me at all.

>>18331029
>>18331133

Is anyone going to take this shit back a few steps and explain to me how "they're planning to sleep in a bed together" makes any sense?

This is what makes me think that this is just bait because that doesn't make sense. I get that you could plan to stay the night but who plans where they're going to sleep during a sleepover?

Is there nowhere else in the house he can sleep? Why is the bed the only option for the two of them and why is there a "plan" to sleep there?

>>18330998
Yeah I think another thing that has come to mind is that she didn't think to ask if it was alright in the slightest when nothing of this nature has ever occurred in the past. I really can't wrap my head around why it wouldn't even come up to do that.

>>18330842
>unhealthy to expect there to be no intimacy outside of a relationship.

That is not an expectation that I have and that makes it sound like a make her wear a fucking burka. I feel like there should at THE VERY LEAST be a discussion before a guy friend is able to sleep next to my gf in her bed. I don't know how that is not outlandish to you and why that would be alright in any sense without any sort of discussion.

>>18331152
She has limited options at her place. Aside from the bed there is a couch that folds down and like a corner one seater. Originally it was supposed to be one of her girlfriends taking the bed evidently, but somehow the decision was made that it would be him. Evidently no one has an air mattress, but fuck at this point I wonder if it would even be used.

I think i'm going to bring it up over the weekend and see where we end up.

File: 1491688158509.jpg (90KB, 957x621px) Image search: [Google]

90KB, 957x621px

>>18331189
>think i'm going to bring it up
>think

File: 1375426077899.jpg (86KB, 720x540px) Image search: [Google]

86KB, 720x540px

>>18331189

So it seems that this is more of an issue of actual room at her place. Also, if you trust your girlfriend not to fuck a gay dude I don't really see the issue.

I guess its not a big deal to me because my girlfriend and I do a lot of high altitude climbing and hiking together and seperately and in those situations sometimes there isn't a lot of room at the camp for several individual tents so lot of us, male and female, have to cram wherever we can to sleep. Super close quarters. I mean, if we had options we wouldn't have to but the situation kind of dictates it and its purely utilitarian, not sexual.

All in all this seems like a conversation you should be having with your girlfriend, not 4chan. It seems like there is a lot of backstory and nuance to all the relationships involved here and anything we say is just speculation seeing as we don't know any of you.

There could be a legitimate reason for this, could not be. We have no idea.

That's cheating in my opinion. I'd would never have a guy friend, even gay. My husband and I have a gay friend in our "circle", but I wouldn't hang out alone with another man period. I wasn't even raised old fashioned. It's just wrong.

BTW gay guys still can be regular horny dudes, and what you do you think your girl is thinking when he's spooning her with his dick up against her. Double degeneracy.

File: 1465786289289.jpg (59KB, 531x471px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 531x471px

>>18331332

>I'd would never have a guy friend, even gay

>>18331296
>Also, if you trust your girlfriend not to fuck a gay dude I don't really see the issue.

Well I trust her to not fuck other dudes in general but I'm not cool with them sharing a bed with her regardless of orientation. At least you BOTH have that agreement, I would just be putting up with it.

I will be having a conversation, but I was curious about an outside perspective. It doesn't seem like something that is that common or talked about.

Where do you draw the boundaries though?
Would you let your girlfriend go on a hiking trip over the weekend with her guy-friends, where they sleep in tents and shit?

That's like the classic example people use when they want to call someone out for being jealous. There is nothing wrong!!!

>>18328513
Christ OP you are retarded. he's not gay.

I can't believe she even asked you that question.

Why would a gay dude want to sleep with a female.

>>18331424
I've confirmed he's pretty gay. Even gayer than you buttmunch :^)

File: 1378894506621.png (50KB, 344x514px) Image search: [Google]

50KB, 344x514px

>>18331379

>I'm not cool with them sharing a bed with her regardless of orientation.

If you trust her not to fuck him then why aren't you cool with it, if I may ask? I mean, if you're confident that the only activity taking place in the bed is sleeping then I'd like to know exactly what it is about your girlfriend sleeping in close proximity to a homosexual man that is also sleeping is unacceptable to you.

I'm genuinely asking. Is it the actual act of sharing the bed itself that is putting you off or is this more a matter of you feeling bad because your input is being left out of a decision involving your girlfriend and another man? Is this about the bed or is this about some fear you have about your influence on your her decisions?

I can't imagine that sharing the bed is what is bothering you because you said so yourself, you know he is gay, and you trust her not to cheat, so if cheating is not what you take issue with and you know he's gay than what is it? Those were the only two risks involved with a male and female sleeping in a bed together and you've repeatedly said you're not worried about it and you trust her so I'm confused about what else is irking you. Like I said, I wonder if this is not about the bed or the dude in it and more about you feeling rejected or powerless in your relationship dynamic. Like, for example if I was mad that my girlfriend was going on a trip I didn't want her to go on. On the surface I talk about the money or her safety as my reasoning but deep down it was really about me feeling emasculated and powerless because I asked her not to go and my wishes weren't enough to stop her. Its a fight that isn't about the thing we're fighting about but actually something deeper, you see what I mean? I'm curious if thats what is going on here.

I'd really like you to try to think hard and articulate this because I'm not really understanding what your thinking is on this. Again, I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I want to know.

>>18331515
You wouldn't want a person of the other sex to be in very personal and intimate space of your partner, that's pretty much it.

It's a very inconsiderate and very unncessary move from her.
Everyone with an ounce of empathy can tell.

>>18331562

>You wouldn't want a person of the other sex to be in very personal and intimate space of your partner, that's pretty much it.

Well, no, that isn't it. There are several situations in modern day life in which people are in personal and intimate spaces with people of the opposite sex that aren't intended to be sexual.

Like I said earlier, my girlfriend and I do a lot of climbing and everyone on the trip sleeps in the same tent sometimes due to space. Your girlfriend's gynecologist or doctor would see and/or handle her genitals in a personal and intimate space. If your girlfriend required massages or physical therapy she could be assigned a male professional who would touch and stretch her.

Of course, there is the possibility that any of these scenarios could cross the boundaries into a sexual situation but you said yourself you trust her. So, if you trust her not to cross sexual boundaries and you have confirmed that he is indeed homosexual, I ask again, what is the issue? You haven't really answered that question.

>It's a very inconsiderate and very unncessary move from her.

>Everyone with an ounce of empathy can tell.


Again, I wonder if this is less about her sleeping in the bed with a guy and you feeling disrespected by her not taking your wishes more into consideration. You didn't really address that part of my post either.

And then, on top of that, not only do you fail to specifically articulate what it is about the situation that bothers you but you appeal to people's empathy instead of logic, implying that your FEELING of not liking it is more important than your ability to explain exactly why. Can't you understand how having a feeling that you're unable to properly articulate in words is a hard thing to navigate around, especially in a relationship?

I implore you again to read the post again and try to address some of the questions because I think doing some introspection past "I just don't want it" might help reveal some answers.

>>18331515
I do feel emasculated that I was not considered in making this decision and just a default that because they're gay, everything is ok. As I've said in a few responses, I find cuddling very intimate and should be reserved for your significant other or a close family member. It's not like they're sharing a bed with wall in between.. It's that he would be holding her and pressed up against her and I don't think it's fair for him to be able to do that. That is my place and not his. Would you be comfortable another man being so close to your S/O? It feels like sharing her with another man and I'm not about that.

Even if he isn't getting gratification out of it (again probably mostly gay, but could be bi to some degree, don't know 100%) I don't like the thought of another man with their hands around the person I'm dating.

When you're dating someone in a monogamous relationship I don't feel it's at all appropriate to invite other people into your bed other than your S/O, even if you're not fucking.

Similarly, if your girl grinded up on a bunch of gay guys at a gay club it's not really cheating but it's in pretty poor taste. Not the best analogy I know.

>>18331589
You have a regular arrangement so I can see how that would be much more comfortable for your situation. You probably know everyone that goes with you as well. You have an equal exchange with that, I do not in my situation. That and yours is more out of necessity, but I understand the point you're trying to make.

>>18331562
not op

File: 1495246052709.jpg (42KB, 570x587px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 570x587px

>>18328513
Oh my god.

>>18331589
Your comparisons are way off, i am unsure if it makes sense discussing with you at all.

If you think going to a trained professional to pay for a certain health care service that is this persons job is somehow comparable to having someone of the other gender that you had sexual intercourse with sleeping in your bed for no apparent reason is somehow equivalent then I think your empathy is literally non existant.

I am not OP by the way.

There are enough people that would not care at all about the scenario being discussed. There are enough that do.
And when two people, that think very differently about such topics, come together, things go down the drain and they should probably split up and move along.
Which is what is generally being suggested to OP.

Regardless, i repeat: Any person with only a tad bit of social skills would know that the situation is very critical and unless it's absolutely neccessary, should be avoided or at least properly and carefully proposed to the partner.

File: 1394013931087.png (226KB, 342x325px) Image search: [Google]

226KB, 342x325px

>>18331595

>You have a regular arrangement so I can see how that would be much more comfortable for your situation.

If by "regular arrangement" you mean "something we do frequently" then sure but I'm not sure what the frequency of events has to do with the faith I have in my partner to set healthy boundaries.

>You probably know everyone that goes with you as well

Not always. Sometimes people bring friends or friends of friends. The point is we all came there to climb. The purpose of the trip is purely non-sexual and we use our adult sense of boundaries to navigate intimate situations that arise in the pursuit of non-intimate goals.

>You have an equal exchange with that, I do not in my situation.

Which again, supports my idea that this is not about the bed or the guy or the sanctity of the relationship but more feeling like you have equal power in the relationship to dictate the terms of your partner's interactions with the opposite sex. Its not about your partner's interactions but more about your frustration that you don't have as much control over it as you would like.

>not op

If you fail to answer the basic premise to the question it doesn't really matter. If your argument is "every intimate interaction between a male and female is sexual" you would be wrong because I've stated several instances in which it is not. If both statements, "Not every intimate interaction between a male and female is sexual" and "I trust my significant other not to cheat or cross sexual boundaries" are true then, logically, what reasoning do you actually have?

That has been my argument this entire time, that this situation is not about any legitimate qualm OP has with his girlfriend sharing a bed; its about his OP's powerlessness regarding his girlfriend's interactions with men, which as I'm saying, is not based in logic. Its a feeling. A gut reaction, and as you know, not all gut reactions are accurate or healthy. Being able to acknowledge that is important.

>>18331598

>If you think going to a trained professional to pay for a certain health care service that is this persons job is somehow comparable to having someone of the other gender that you had sexual intercourse with sleeping in your bed for no apparent reason is somehow equivalent then I think your empathy is literally non existant.

This doesn't address the nature of the question. OP stated the reason; the lack of space. Also, OP stated several times he trusts his girlfriend not to cheat and he has "confirmed" that the man is gay, so in line with OP's words, both interactions are accurate. If he KNOWS that the health care service is non sexual and for a utilitarian purpose, and by his own admission, the sleeping in the bed is also non sexual and utilitarian purposes, I'm not understanding where you're drawing the distinction, because, again, if the risk is that the girl is going to cheat and OP states he trusts her not to cheat, then, logically, there is no issue. Am I not correct? Empathy has nothing to do with it. I'm just following OP's own words.

>Any person with only a tad bit of social skills would know that the situation is very critical and unless it's absolutely necessary

Again, if OP states that the situation is being dictated by the amount of space in his girlfriend's apartment, he trusts her not to cheat AND he has confirmed that the man is gay, WHY should it be avoided unless absolutely necessary? Stop just saying "social skills" and "empathy". Give me an actual reason.

If OP has stated he is not worried with the one and only risk associated with sleeping in a bed with another man then what risk is there left over? What danger is there to the sanctity and foundation of their relationship? Stop just restating the premise over and over and explain the answer to that question with something more elaborate than "just because". If you can give me an actual answer then we can come to some kind of middle ground.

>>18331632
You not being comfortable with your girlfriend having sex with other men is a gut feeling and irrational.
You are wrong and there is no rational way for you to explain to me why you wouldn't allow it.

t. any poly guy

Gratz, I just reconstructed your stupid argument.

>>18331632
This is a dude sharing a bed with my gf after a party where alcohol may or may not be involved. It's quite different.

No I'm not a fucking moron or controlling shit head to think "every intimate interaction between a male and female is sexual" and that I need to control all interactions with other guys. I feel like it does cross a boundary even if they aren't fucking. It's more the guy I don't trust to not attempt to cross the boundaries in all honesty.

You're sharing tents bro, not the bed you and your girl fuck in. I'm sure you don't invite your friends in that one. It's more intimate and I feel it should only be reserved for us. I sure as hell don't invite anyone other than her in my bed...

>>18331647
That's not poly son. That's straight up cuck.

>>18331647

>You not being comfortable with your girlfriend having sex with other men is a gut feeling and irrational.

That isn't what I said in the slightest. You just strawmanned me, and admittedly, very poorly. All I did was draw parallels.

>You are wrong and there is no rational way for you to explain to me why you wouldn't allow it.

I never said that either. Again, very poor attempt at a strawman. I never used the word wrong or implied that OP was wrong for feeling these things, all I did was ask whether or not this feeling he had came from a place of logical concern about the actual sharing of this bed or this was the manifestation of some other sense of powerlessness over his girlfriend's interactions.

You can also not deny that not all gut feelings are rational. Being able to discern your rational feelings from the irrational ones and come to your own conclusions is important but, again, no one has been able to exactly explain to me what the exact worry is.

If your girlfriend is going to be in close contact with another man and you KNOW the man is gay and you state several times you trust your girlfriend to remain appropriate and not cheat then just explain to me what the issue is. If anyone can articulate an answer to that question I would welcome it.

If you can't articulate a reason why you don't want your girlfriend to do something then, wouldn't the general guidelines of reasoning suggest that maybe you need to actually find out what that reason is before you start imposing it on your girlfriend? If a relationship is supposed to be an equal partnership is it ridiculous to want your boyfriend/girlfriend to at least be able to say outloud in words that make sense why they don't want you to do something?

>>18331658

>This is a dude sharing a bed with my gf after a party where alcohol may or may not be involved.

Ok, so you've just restated the premise again. I understand what the premise is, you don't have to say it again. Lets move past it.

>It's more the guy I don't trust to not attempt to cross the boundaries in all honesty.

Ok, so her safety. That I completely understand. If OP had stated that as one of his concerns I would of absolutely agreed.

>I'm sure you don't invite your friends in that one. It's more intimate and I feel it should only be reserved for us

Ok, another good answer, you just don't want another person in your bed. It feels too personal. I understand that. Again, if OP had stated that I would of also agreed, if it were his bed. It is her bed, however, and the sanctity of their separate sleeping places is a conversation they need to have amongst themselves. He never touched on that aspect so I can't speculate as to what their positions were on the matter.

These are all acceptable answers. Thats all I was looking for, an actual answer.

>>18331646
OP is insecure about the situation, doesnt know the guy, doesnt trust the guy, isnt sure if he is 100% gay and feels like the situation might escalate.
What more do you want to know? Can't you see that by yourself? Is that so hard to understand? I don't get it.

Obviously he can't trust her 100%, things like this escalte all over the world every day, he is yet in a process of getting to know his partner (which takes years), etc.
Are you surprised that i takes people multiple years to build full trust for such scenarios to happen? Are you really unfamiliar with that?

>>18331667
I'm not OP. The act of sharing a bed is itself considered intimate to some people.

Virtually no one would consider medical attention intimate, it is done in a sterile manner, between a qualified professional in a clean, neutral environment. Whereas sharing a bed with a friend is an intimate thing to many people. It is a friend (ie. a casual and not professional relationship), and it is sleeping together (a quite intimate and personal act in most people's eyes).

People have different definitions of cheating, some consider sending nudes to people cheating, some don't. Some consider sleeping with a friend cheating, some don't. Some people don't even consider sex with another person cheating! None of those are wrong, so long as everyone involved in the relationship is aware of it and agrees to that being not cheating, or else (without being coerced into it), agrees to make an exception for whatever reason and the other partner is thoughtful, considerate, and respectful of their feelings.

You don't consider the scenario in the OP to be unfaithful. I would. Luckily so would the person I'm in a relationship with so this is never an issue that will come to light. OP also would consider it infidelity, OP's girlfriend would not. That means they have to negotiate this carefully, and that she must be respectful of his wishes, not just inviting someone over to share a bed with her without making it okay with him first. If she knowingly, despite OP's discomfort with this, proceeds then she is cheating on him, even if she herself would not be bothered were he to do this.

>>18328643
>literally
>c u c k
>u u
>c u c k
>k k

>>18331674
That is a pretty good summation I have to say.

>>18331672
All I was trying to say is that because the premise is different, my feelings are different. If I had to deal with your situation I can say it would be better because of the more even exchange.

I didn't get to cover a lot of the finer details, I've mostly just been deemed a cuck instead of actually being able to provide more info.

>>18328553
How else are they going to fuck?
>>18328513
Gay isn't reverse straight, gay guys don't feel disusted by straight porn the way you are disgusted by gay porn
For gay people being gay is a scale, some of them aren't all that into girls but you never know what's going to happen when they get drunk

>>18331515
>>18331667
>>18331646
>>18331632
Jesus Christ, learn to hold a fucking conversation. This is a forum for casual life advice, not a debate club. Your armchair psychoanalysis and massive walls of text are not appropriate here.

>If you can't articulate a reason why you don't want your girlfriend to do something then, wouldn't the general guidelines of reasoning suggest that maybe you need to actually find out what that reason is before you start imposing it on your girlfriend?
Are you actually fucking autistic? It doesn't matter WHY he feels uncomfortable, it's enough that HE FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE and further that MANY PEOPLE in his situation (most of whom are not excessively controlling) would ALSO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. In other words, this crosses one of his boundaries, and his boundaries are not unreasonable. End of story.

"OP, why does it matter if another guy shares a bed with me so long as he's gay?"
"Because the thought of another guy in bed with you makes my vision go red and makes me want to start hitting things."

THAT'S ALL THE EXPLANATION YOU FUCKING NEED.

>>18331722
Appropriate answer
It's incredibly disrespectful for her to suggest that's ok for her to share a bed with another man
It's disrespectful that she didn't even ask but just mentioned it like it's no big deal
It's disrespectful for her to think it's ok just because he is gay
Is even more disrespectful because it's happening in a party with other people around
I seriously dobut she would be ok with him sleeping with his lesbian friend, how is it a relationship at all if they aren't in equal footing?
Why does she need him to share a bed with her? Are there other people crashing? Of course, are they all going to share the same bed?
She is insensitive, she doesn't care about his feelings about it, she knows it's something that makes him uncomfortable, it's bad even if sex isn't involved at all, it's worse because they have been drinking, it's even worse because they used to date
It honestly feels like she wants to get away with doing something he is not ok with while also disclosing it so she doesn't have to pay if she gets caught with is likely since it's a big party
She sounds really awful to be honest, the tough of a person who disregards her boyfriend like this having any sort of standard or expectations on him is disgusting, when you are in a relationship with someone not sleeping with someone else is the bare minimum that's expected of you, how crazy do you have to be to try and get away with that?

>>18331722
stop being a fucking ape. people are trying to hold articulate conversations in this thread and you're fucking it up with your actual autism.

the fact is OP said he knows his gf won't cheat and that he "proved" that the faggot is gay.

what the other anon was trying to get at is that if the prior statements were true then op has nothing to worry about.

op is worried though which proves that OP doesn't believe what he previously said and just said it so he doesn't appear to be a insecure jealous cunt.

tell the bitch not to do it and then make sure she doesn't. if she does it then break up with her no discussion. she doesn't "not understand" the problem. she just doesn't give a shit about your feelings and wants to fool around with her fuck buddy.

>>18331749
it's typical female tactics to shit test you. if you don't stop her then it opens up the relationship for more bullshittery and if you try to stop her but she does it anyway. well then she literally doesn't care about you anyway so it doesn't really matter.

>>18331749
You don't seem to understand the issue. OP's gf could use the same argumentation as that guy on him.

"Do you trust me"? -> He obviously has to answer with yes -> "Then what's the issue".

Noone trusts anyone fully, yet you can't tell a person you don't trust her and you are expected to say that you trust people you are close to.

Yet you can only trust yourself, because the only person on earth whos thoughts, ideas and feelings you actually, literally know, is you yourself.
That of any other person is your own interpretation and thus prone to mistakes.

When OP claims that he trusts his gf he means that he trusts her not to have sexual intentions arranging this whole thing.
He trusts her not to initiate sex with that guy blatantly.

What he, however, does not know, is if his gf can remain true to her intentions and faith in this situation. He doesnt know the effects of alcohol on her, he doesnt know if the other guy might be able to secude her, he doesnt know how well she could handle advances, etc.

So he trusts her not be a total whore that is literally lying in his face, yet he doesnt "trust" her to be completely prone to being seduced or led on by effects of alcohol.

I mean, it's painfully obvious and the guy trying to act as if it wasnt was just being annoying as fuck.

>>18331771
>Yet you can only trust yourself, because the only person on earth whos thoughts, ideas and feelings you actually, literally know, is you yourself.

most people don't know their own feelings as their subconsciously controlled.

>When OP claims that he trusts his gf he means that he trusts her not to have sexual intentions arranging this whole thing. He trusts her not to initiate sex with that guy blatantly.

>What he, however, does not know, is if his gf can remain true to her intentions and faith in this situation. He doesnt know the effects of alcohol on her, he doesnt know if the other guy might be able to secude her, he doesnt know how well she could handle advances, etc.

this is all bullshit. he doesn't truly trust her at all. if he did this thread wouldn't exist.

also what's the point of trusting your s/o not to have sexual intentions but still relying on them being able to be seduced or get smashed and then smashed? the entire point of trusting someone not to fuck other people is that it doesn't matter one the situation is. of course your gf isn't going to start flirting with someone in front of you if she gives a single shit about the relationship. the problem is what she does when you're not around. she is in complete control of how she reacts to flirtatious advances and how much alcohol she consumes. she's also in control of who she's sleeping with.

>>18331749
>what the other anon was trying to get at is that if the prior statements were true then op has nothing to worry about.
>op is worried though which proves that OP doesn't believe what he previously said
It doesn't prove shit. Truth of the matter is, people don't just set boundaries in their relationships to minimize the chances of their partner actually cheating on them. People set boundaries because, for most of us, there's some shit you just don't want your partner to do, even if there's NO CHANCE of it actually leading to penis-in-vagina cheating (or penis-in-any-other-orifice cheating).

Let's play pretend (and if you thought I was being autistic before ...) I put on my robe and wizard hat and cast a magic spell on OP's girlfriend's vagina so that it now emits a forcefield that repels gay dude's dick. They can now literally never have sex, even if they wanted to. I'm willing to bet OP STILL wouldn't be really thrilled at the idea of them sharing a bed together, because it's not just the possibility of actual penis-in-vagina contact between them that he's worried about, it's the image of his sweetie curled up in bed inches away from another dude. And if I cast that spell on your girlfriend you probably wouldn't be OK with her making out or flirting really intensely with another guy. Why, when it can't possibly lead to actual sex? Because on a visceral level, the thought of it is still angering and humiliating. That's just how it is, an innate reaction, and that's fine.

There is absolutely no need to try to "prove him wrong" with stupid fucking gotchas like "the fact that you're worried PROVES YOU DON'T REALLY BELIEVE HER! HAHAHA!"

>>18328513
>No bitch, your faggot ex cannot and will not share a bed with you. How fucking dare you even ask?

This is the appropriate answer.

>>18331795
You don't get the point and the social dynamics involved, sorry.

Tell me, what would you answer if you gf of one year asked you if you trust her? Would you just say no?

>>18331805
I never said the fucking faggots dick had to be stuck inside the bitch for it to be counted as cheating. no shit grinding on someone is cheating.

the point is op said he trusted her and that he somehow knew that the guy was a proper fag. this is clearly false because if it was true then he wouldn't need to worry about it because they would sleep on separate sides of the bed and not spoon the fuck out of each other. op does have reason to worry. my point is he shouldn't be trying to fucking virtue signal about how much he trusts his girl friend and how good his gaydar is. he doesn't trust his girlfriend and he doesn't know that his gf's previous fuck buddy is gay. so he shouldn't be pretending he does.

>>18331822
of course I would say yes. and then as soon as my gf asked me if she can spoon with her previous fuck buddy in the bed we share I would ask her if I can invite my ex over for a couple of shots.

what's your solution. "no bitch you can't do it because I don't like it" wow that's real smooth.

>>18331822
also why are you trying to take agency away from the womans actions by giving her excuses?

>oh he doesn't know if she will be """"seduced"""".
>he doesn't know how much of a light drinker she might be.
>she's completely unaccountable for her actions after she's had a few drinks.

>>18331828
I am trying to show you why people tend to say they trust people when they are expected to say they trust them even though they dont actually trust them.
That's literally all.

>>18331834
Except this is an anonymous image board and lying accomplishes literally nothing excepting wasting everyone's times and by doing so op is being a massive faggot.

>>18331833
These were examples to illustrate that he cannot possibly ever actually know what she is going to do.
He never actually "tested" her in these situations, he is not in her head and does not know how she feels and thinks in these situations.

So while he trusts her to have a sense of faithfullness and does not expect her to have any intentions, he still does not trust her to be perfectly content in such situations - because he can't know for sure.

>>18331837
He is not lying, he is trying to reason his point. The question about "trust" is literally lingering in the air when you strike such topic.
By saying he trusts her he wants to illustrate anons that he is not dating a complete fuckuped up whore that he has 0 connection to.

He is trying to say that he knows that person, that he feels some kind of emotional connection to her and that he thinks that she feels the same, thus cheating is PROBABLY a thing she WANTS to avoid.

That's what it means when he says he trusts her, from my point of view. That's why he says it on here, initially.

>>18331841
except it doesn't matter how much you test someone they can always change their mind. blind trust is always bad.

additionally trust isn't an objective thing and trying to measure his trustfulness with words like "sense of trust" and "complete trust" is idiotic.

>>18331851
You said it yourself, trust isnt an objective thing.
People can claim and think to trust someone when others feel like they dont trust said person at all.
Its subjective.

This argument is pointless though. I was just trying to illustrate why OP said the things he said, as it makes more or less sense to me.

>>18328513
How old is she? She either sounds childish for having a friend sleep in her bed at a slumber party past fucking elementary school, or she thinks you have the IQ of a carrot. Don't let her. She is the weird one for letting anyone sleep with her who is not a lover.

>>18331847
then why do you suppose he's letting us know that his gaydar is pointing to the """"faggot""""? he's literally shutting down any reason he has to feel insecure and then feeling insecure about it. if he wants actual help he should acknowledge the issue he has with it instead of fucking around with pointless terms like
>"uh trust er"
and
>"his gey alrite".

if he said, "hey anons my gf asked her previous fuck buddy over to sleep in her bed but now he swears he's gay. I don't know what to do." the answers would be pretty conclusive. (I would hope)

>>18331875
You are just witnessing his own confusion and thought-process.
Mixed with "my picture is so ugly, yours is so much better!!".

As in, i take the side of my gf, arguing that he probably actually is gay and see if anons can still give me some good reasons that this whole thing is fucked up.

I guess you get the point.

>>18331891
lol yeah I get it. fucking normies jesus christ just get to the point.

>>18328513
Tell her that this isn't acceptable in your definition of a relationship. This is a boundary you have and it comes with being her boyfriend. You have a right to have whatever boundaries you want.

>>18331672
>try to sound logical and thoughtful
>talk about stating the premise
>"would of"

Credibility lost.