Let it out, /adv/. Write letters you will never send. Confess.

Learning how to cope with losing you Abbie.
You still cross my mind a lot and I keep blaming myself, but I'm slowly starting to accept it and move on.

>>18321981
I wish I was never born

You called me narcissist, egocentric and said so many harsh things about me (which are all untrue, for the record).
Have you taken a good, hard look at yourself? It's so easy to point at others and single out their flaws and mistakes.
Just...Just get the fuck out of my life. For good. If you ever run into me in the future, and you likely will, pretend we never met. Don't talk to me, don't look for me, dont even think about me ever again.
Whatever connection we had left is now severed. We are strangers.

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My dog is 13.5 years old and he is my best friend. I've only had him for a year but I didn't know that I could feel this way about an animal before. He is old and his joints hurt all over, but he is still playful and sweet.
He has a bad scar on his side from an old surgery that he keeps opening, and he had to switch to soft food because it hurt his jaw to eat a thing harder than a banana. Its inevitable that I will lose him but I want to continue pretending that it wont. He is the first pet that I can say he was mine.

>>18321997
It's funny how that works. When shit hits the fan they analyze the fuck out of you. Tell everything wrong with you, things that you could have worked on if they didn't just hold it in.

So things fall apart, the veil of emotions gets pulled off and you see them as white they are. They are a mirror tof you sometimes, they are the same as they blamed of you. They just haven't realized it.

Now what can do when they expose that which they see of you? Take a long hard think, and see what you can improve on. Sure, they had have done it with the intention to hurt, but if you can learn and make yourself a better you? It's valuable information. What can you do with their's? Nothing. You can try to expose it to them but they may take it as an assault, as you responding in kind. So just focus on you, let them learn about themselves as time goes on. You have the upper hand now, you have a map. Use it, and allow them to wander without you. Fuck them. Only you matter now.

>>18322011
Fuck, this is probably why I won't get a dog for myself.

>>18322043
Hello, Anon. You make a very good point, one my therapist brought up. Even if whatever they said was untrue, it can still be used for self-reflection. When she tried to (successfully) hurt me, she also inadvertently did me a huge favor. It gave me much to think about.
You're also right that whatever I said back to her will be seen as retaliation. And I didn't. I offered to hear her out, discuss and maybe comfort her, an offer she didn't take.

>So just focus on you, let them learn about themselves as time goes on. You have the upper hand now, you have a map. Use it, and allow them to wander without you. Fuck them. Only you matter now.
I couldn't agree more. I don't know who you are, but thank you so much. Thank you for your piece of wisdom.

>>18322095
It seems you and I share similar experience here. Which is where speak from. She pretty much hit me right at the core of who I was when I was with her. It hurt, but as you did, I listened in earnest. It has helped to see things, maybe myself in a different light and while I am still hurt I am the better because of it. Clarity is nice. I then saw what she brought to the table after months of self-esteem destruction and realized she was guilty of many of the things she revealed about me. We are all hypocrites, some aren't just willing to accept that. Or to learn from the wisdom of others. So you are on the right path. And while I had fits where I wanted to expose her faults to her, where I could have exposed something I knew about her that could ruin her, I held my tongue. Not easy to do when all you want to watch them hurt. Yet, I loved her so, so I came to see if was just burned and hurting from the scars. There was nothing to gain from it.

It's always good to see you aren't alone in all this. Maybe of us go through this shit. It's an unfortunate part of life.

But even in the darkest of nights there is light. Be it the moon, the stars, or our own flames. There is always hope for one's self. Just have to keep it alive.

>>18321997
There's two sides to this story, I'm sure. Those are pretty big words for her to use off of the top of her head. Nothing like getting your shit together, releasing your mental baggage and sticking your dick in something else to remedy your situation though.

Why do you people continue to watch me?

Don't you have anything better to do?

I just wonder if she means this as an actual soft no, or if its something to buy time.

Basically said "Honestly, starting up the nursing program and the amount I'm riding with the ambulance, I just don't have the time for anything like that now. I really think we should stay friends"


But these two things happened in her past

Scumbag (the guy she WAS friends with) did stuff that could border on sexual harassment. But I stupidly didnt notice until later on after its all said and done If I noticed earlier, I woulda said something Like he would make very graphic sexual jokes while in her presence, kinda directing to her aswell

And would get touchy with her, and kinda made her visibly uncomfortable (According to my friend who told me after the fact) Could atleast cause her to be more cautious and potentially down right distrustful of most guys

I'm sure you know that WVU is kinda a well regarded school? She went there for like a year right after HS. For some reason she dropped out of that school, and began going to a community college instead. And now she ended up at my state college, leagues below WVU. The odd thing though is that she was a National Honor Society student in HS and went overboard on College courses in in high school. Also she seemed to loose tremendous weight in the 8 months she's been at WVU, Somewhere like 60lbs


So, I'm not so sure. I'm just gonna be her friend, and reassure her that she can rely on me. While still being open to others

I think women are annoying and stupid.

>>18322149
Thank you, kind anon. I couldn't bear to hurt her, as much as my blood boils and I have a hard time not spitting acid at her. Hurting her would ultimately hurt me aswell.
We are not alone, you're right. You've made my burden much easier to carry. Thank you.
>>18322153
You are absolutely right that there are two sides to this story. To every story, even. I'm not here to pretend I didn't make mistakes, but what she said was a gross exaggeration. Too much. Were I just a little bit like she claimed me to be, I would've done as my friend here mentioned and have lashed out at her, not offered solace.
You are wrong here, though:
>Those are pretty big words for her to use off of the top of her head.
You'd be surprised at how vile people can be when they want to hurt someone else, or maybe she had help from someone else. It doesn't matter, it came from her mouth. She went for my insecurities.
Thank you for your words of support.

God fucking damn it.

I thought I was done with my school work, but after converting from LibreOffice Writer to MS Word, it fucked my entire presentation up. I just want it to be over. Maybe it's petty but small things like this irritate me so much.

>>18321981

You are more privileged than anyone I've ever known, you fat white trust fund Tumblr slut. I know you don't have any thyroid issues. You have told me this. What you do have is an eating disorder that can only exist if you are in a capitalist first world country where you can afford the food to benefit. When your commie so-called friends from your x Studies classes and "leftbook" groups say "eat the rich", they're referring to YOU.

Ok, fine, I'll admit it, I'm stupid. I'm a moron. I have below average intelligence. There, I said it. Thankfully I am also diagnosed with autism so I can live off of my disability check like the little manchild I am so in the end, no matter how much you insult and belittle me, your tax money goes to me. THANK$

God I missed you so much. You were my best friend, my confidante, my heart and my world. It was great talking to you again while it lasted. And although I know you love me just as much, you're still not ready for me, you're still holding onto him, and I can't wait for you any longer.

"I guess I'll see you next lifetime. No hard feelings."

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I feel ashamed that I resorted to drawing furry and loli/shota shit just so I can live life as an artist. People say I should be proud that I can actually make a small living doing art. I really wanted to work in the industry.
I'm also afraid no one will like my art if I stopped copying anime and just focused on making more cute and cartoon like art.

>>18321981
I feel like I'm slowly drifting into paranoia or madness and don't know what's true, I'm scared to live and dont know what to do with myself

hopefully I'll get to run into you sometime soon

>>18322173
I'm sure they feel the same way about you

>>18322373
I dont

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I haven't had a traditional job in years.

My family thinks I'm in college majoring in computer science.

I've actually spent the last three years as a porn director for my friend's website. It pays more than I could have ever imagined and I spend all day with (disgustingly) sexy women. I don't know how to tell them I've been lying this whole time.

No, I don't get to fuck the girls. Nor would I. 99% of them have some form of STI and I'm married. Yes, my wife approved.

Feels good to type it out. Now I gotta figure out how to break it to my family. My "graduation" day is not too far.

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I need to get a fucking job but I'm having a hard time really pushing myself. Is it fair to accept that my brain is fucked up and make an effort to get some therapy first? I feel like I've needed some sort of therapy for a while now but haven't committed. I just don't want to look like I'm running away from a real life necessity because of muh emotions.

>>18322331
Mix it up. Make a few with the new style, or blend them to slow transition to the stuff you want.

I hate you more and more everyday. The sadness I felt when looking through your social media has turned to bitterness and anger. "I wonder what it's like to have someone who cares." Well maybe if you didn't leave me for your abusive ex, you wouldn't have to wonder. I hope he hurts you again, and you finally realize how stupid you are.

>>18322385
why not? its been years since i last saw them. and they are just a friend i met when i started working in a small town.

>you thought i was talking about some S/O

Goodbye.

>>18322418
Bye Felicia

I keep hearing whispers from nowhere.

They're light, few and far between but they're there.

Why is this happening to me? My family doesn't have a history of mental illness.

>>18322331
What did some of your art look like before you got into that? Just curious is all.

>>18322331
>s-shadman?

A,
I love you. I'm jealous of your love for her even though I've no right to be and it makes me a total hypocrite. Never said I was a saint. But I love you, and as pathetic as it is I am pretty sure I always will. Don't worry, nothing on my end is going to change. Just gonna choke on it until it fades or you fade from my life again.

I want to die

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I feel like such a massive fuck up right now. I'm on my 4th year of uni and I am so damn depressed. Every class I am in is with people who enrolled at the same time as me and are graduating this month, meanwhile I am stuck for another goddamn year. It wouldn't be so bad if all my fucking classes weren't heavily math centric (WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE SO MANY FUCKING ACCOUNTING CLASSES FOR HUMAN RESOURCES!? I'M ON LIKE #5 out 8. FUCKING 8 ACCOUNTING CLASSES. JESUS CHRIST MAN. If I wanted to be a fucking accountant, I'll take accounting. This shitty subject is the sole reason I am below a 3.0).

>Oh you'll graduate next year anon!
I doubt it after seeing my advisor. Looks like I need 12 classes left in 2 semesters. I don't mind taking a lot of classes, but my shitty school doesn't always have the ones I need when I need. So that means it might take 2 more years and I don't think financial aid will help on that 2nd one. What's more? My parents are about to divorce and I don't even know if I will have a home by this time next year. My plan is take 7 the first then 5 the next, or 6 and 6. It just sucks right now.

Sometimes I don't even think I should keep going. I live in the ghetto, shitty situation, etc. It's like the universe is telling me to fuck off and I keep coming back to get my ass kicked. I just hope things work out soon. Everyday has been worse than the last.

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I feel so guilty and undeserving of this girl. She's so innocent and insecure, yet so polite and caring. I love her so much, but still I keep making requests and demands that undermine all of those 4 points. I'm a needy and jealous wreck to the point where I openly admit those things, and she just takes it all.

Once every few days something would bother me, and I'd bring it up in a serious conversation, just killing the mood entirely. The kind of conversation I'd always hated myself, and I keep doing it.
She never has any questions, requests, demands herself. Wouldn't dare to admit it, I thought. One time I practically forced her to tell me if something bothered her. Her answer?
"I don't like these loaded conversations... I liked it best when we went out last time, we were just enjoying ourself, had a light-hearted time. I liked that."
Everything else was okay with her apparently, and that scares me. What if something happened to me and I'd turn abusive one day? Would she still take it all and happily put up with my even worse drama then?

Since that day, I tried stopping myself from causing too much drama. But I keep bringing it up. Asked her yesterday to tell me something unnecessary before we head to bed. It was an off-handed remark and I immediately regretted it, but for 2 nights now she did that obediently, exactly as I told her to.

How can I ever make it up to her for putting up with me being me? We've been dating for almost a year now, and still she's purity personified while I'm 4chan degenerate. I just want to be a better person for her, be there for her in any way I can. She deserves better, but I don't want to lose her.

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>>18322434
My stuff was pretty abysmal prior to drawing porn. Guess I inadvertently learned anatomy as I went. Here's an example of one of the first things I did in a drawthread back in 2012.
>>18322439
nope
>>18322404
Been slowly inching along towards it. I don't really want to make a second pseudonym and starting from scratch. But I'd rather not have something I've drawn that I actually like being linked with the fetishes I've drawn for money.

>>18322491
> pretty abysmal
It looks pretty good honestly compared to my drawings. What does it look like now? if it's improved you can still find a way to change out your style to not only do sex-related art but instead do what you planned on doing to begin with. Use what you learned from drawing porn and take advantage of it for what you really wanna draw and do.

>>18322489
Get some damn self-esteem and stop making other people responsible for your feelings.

>>18321981
I have a fetish for women farting and latex.

There's a porn video of this cute chick dressed as Harley Quinn just farting into the camera, and I've probably watched it 100 times. Nothing gets me off like that.

Why can't I just be normal guys.

I
want
to
die

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>>18322520

>>18322508
http://imgur.com/a/Gwdv6
my best shines through whenever I enjoy what I'm working on.

Wish I could meet some gay friends honestly Straight people are ass holes

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>>18322583
>pic related says everything for me
Do you have a site for any more of your art? It's not bad at all, and I think you'd do pretty well if you went back to drawing what you wanted to do in the first place.

How do I deal with a guy who is spreading rumors?

>Carpool with this girl to class because she lives 5 min walk a away, we took a college course together
>Come out to her as trans (I'm ftm)
>She is the only girl in class, every guy thought she was hot
>She has a bf
>I would never hit on a girl who has a bf
>We eventually hang out with some other classmates
>We start to hang out with one particular classmate, fuckin weirdo
>She is having troubles with her bf can see all the drama on FB
>People tend to feel comfortable and come to me when they are having problems
>She tells me her problems, just your average bf/gf fight about relationship issues
>Guy sees that we talk about personal shit when the 3 of us hang out
>He tells me that she will be his gf
>I don't say shit because I know she's head over heels for her bf
>The more I hangout with this guy the more weird he gets, talks about third eyes and paranormal shit
>He spreads a rumor that I'm going to rape her
>She believes it

My reputation is ruined. Not sure what to do or how to go about talking about it. I would never do such a thing to somebody.

>>18322608
soapmonster.tumblr.com
is full of my recent stuff that isn't cherry picked.
soap9000.deviantart.com
has all of my old art that slowly dwindles the closer you approach the last year since more and more of my art became pornographic.

Maybe the reason I like GSG so much is because its so easy to rewind time and fix mistakes.

Even my therapist is leaving this school.

Fuck.

Good job on pruning the holiday photos. Looks like you just went on a day-trip with a photo bombing headless man.

middle-aged adults complaining about current generations being a bunch of fucking babies and entitled (still somewhat true) while also being the people that brought these so-called whiney millennials into this world are hilarious.

these kids get their bitchyness from somewhere and its their yuppie-ass parents.

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Once I finally find a girl that I can talk to and I have feelings for she has to leave in a week and I will probably never see her again

I need to quit dtrinking but i can't do AA meetings do to issues in crowds like partys/family get to gathers i do ok at work but i force it. Noot sure what to do have been drinking heavily since 12 iam 27 i try to stick with a 6 pack and 25oz beer but i just moved out of state to help my father who drinks more then i atm i am drinking 18 a night what should i do?

i miss being a normie

I want to forget you so much, but I can't. It's like I'm stuck in quicksand; every time I try to move on, things that I forgot about us return.

I must had been the worst person for you stop tell me that you loved me, that you were mine, that we were meant to be. I gave you everything I could give, but I guess it wasn't enough. You said you don't miss me, that you're better off without me. What did I do to deserve this?

>>18322489
What kind of 4chan degenerate?

>>18322632

Just forget about it.

Once a woman opens her mouth about drama, you can't do anything about it.

i've not jerked off for three days and i'm feeling worse and worse

>>18323056
I've saved spunk for 2 days straight and honestly felt a weird boost. I eventually blitzfucked myself into oblivion, but it did make me go faster and more focused at work.

I care not about getting laid, I just care that I just finish my job more efficiently so my boss goes home first, then I could just take my extended break.

I fucking hate this job, but goddamn it, this place NEEDS me...at least for a year or two.

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I am a disgrace. I myself was born a mistake as is. All I do is fuck up. I contemplate suicide all the time, but there's always that light in my heart saying it's the pussy way out. I wish I wasn't so hopeful as to cling on to that belief, but at the same time I'm thankful that I do. I'm just lost and confused. All who love me hate me just as much. Everything to me is so white and black, so stark in contrast, and all I want is that little grey area where no one will ever care what I do.

>>18322433
I get the same shit except it escalates to full fledged yelling if it gets bad enough.

I just want a friend desu
someone I can text and share memes with and joke about life with

I'm going to be an officer in my nation's Navy
I've lived my life so far in romantic solitude
And I think this choice has consigned me to living that way forever

Can any woman want to be in a relationship with a man who will be on ship for most of a year, every year?

I think I can do this.
Christ, I'm going to be a leader of men.
I can do this

Some lady in my job got me pissed today. I avoid talking to people, simply work. I don't want discussions, problems, nothing. Just there for a paycheck. But this lady seems to have problematic blood running through her when she sees me. I told her to leave me the hell alone in Spanish. Turns out, one of the words I used is a curse word in her country of origin, not in mine though, it just means "festering" essentially. In their country it's the equivalent of "fucking", so I only made the problem worse trying to get her the hell away from me. Thankfully, nothing further transpired. But boy.. some people can really sap your peace of mind.

>>18323075
The worst of cages have no borders. It's the illusion of free choice.

>>18321981
I wish I hadn't called 911 friday and had just let myself die.

>>18323188
I don't believe you really do.
You want an end to your current emotional state.
That's different than wanting to go to oblivion

What's making you feel like shit, mate?

>>18323198
I've had to resort to riskier and riskier things to try and get relief from my crippling depression and the last treatment is what nearly killed me.

At this point I either need to come up with $5000 or break the law. That or accept that I'll feel this way for the rest of my life.

>>18323167
Some women need copious amounts of alone time it's the journey of finding them that is hard. Since you'll be in the Navy I recommend not hooking up with any females in the barracks or on base in general because of sexual assault claims. Maybe you could stick with casual relationships until you find someone you can build trust with that you're sure won't break your heart. Good luck, officer. Try not to be an entitled piece of shit.

>>18323164
Same, but I genuinely hate texting. Normally I use kik or skype but I ghost people on there all the time, too, because I'm a piece of shit who becomes bored easily - especially from efriendships.

>>18322632
Be friends with bitches, win stupid prizes.

I joke about killing myself with my friends and coworkers. I leave my house at 8 in the morning to do life stuff and don't come home until 11. I have no weekend. Don't feel like living this shitty existence anymore. These jokes are now turning into real thoughts and contemplation. I know that I have to go to bed soon, and just the thought of it stresses me out. I don't feel like waking up tomorrow. Yet I inevitably do... I feel like breaking that cycle by just ending it. I think about going to buy alcohol and sleeping meds, getting really drunk then OD'ing. I feel like I would just feel really buzzed then go out in my sleep. I think about it everyday.

>>18321981
My brother is not able to get a job for 8 months after his graduation from college.

His GPA was like 2.x ish and he graduated from a college outside the US and he did not do any internship.

He got a few interviews but wasn't able to get in anywhere.

He does LoL everyday and doesn't even try going to another college or some trading school or and try to go back to his (and my) country of origin to do mandatory military service which he doesn't need to do if he stays in the US and which won't guarantee a job or help him develop some practical skills.

I just don't know what to do with my brother. He knows the mandatory military service (which is 2 years) sucks in his country of origin and it won't do a shit for him getting a job after finishing it; and I know he will regret going to that military service in a few weeks. (He was astonished by my idea of enlisting in the US military when I mentioned that and the mandatory military service in my country of origin is as brutal as the one in Russia)

Yet, he just tries to run away from his problem rather than fixing it. I just don't know why he became that crazy

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I've wound up with a dumb fetish for women having their heads shaved. Stupid I know, but the whole thing has started to take a toll on me.

The more I wrote about it, thought about it, fapped to it, I started to fantasize about the feeling of getting shaved bald myself. I have never experienced it personally and now all I can think about is imagining the sensation of it and what it would feel like to be able to touch my scalp directly, and how exposed I would feel (the humiliation aspect is strong). The nagging of these thoughts is overwhelming and they just play on loop all day. I keep thinking about taking myself to a barbershop and having it done before I come to my senses which feels like a very dangerous plan.

This is all a terrible idea since I have long hair that I am very attached to and I am a dumb ugly idiot who is just a sperm bank and a waiting list away from getting put on hormones. It should go without saying that being bald would not be optimal for someone with those aspirations both from a practical perspective and for the sake of what self esteem I have. I also don't want to scare my friends by shaving off my hair because it sounds like the kind of thing someone having some kind of serious crisis (besides being a tranny, anyway) would do and I don't want to make things difficult for anyone.

On the other hand, if it's hard now then it's impossible after transitioning, and besides, it's hard to tell exactly how long the waiting list will be. Hell, the routine of maintaining it for however long might help me develop the discipline I'll need for keeping on top of my appearance in the future. This is probably the last chance I'll get to actually try it, so part of me wonders if I should just throw all sense to the wind and do it. The potential months of regret are almost too scary to think about though. I am so damn stupid and this has to stop.

>>18322534
I hope you find a cute girl with a latex kink to be happily weird together with, anon.

>>18323254
>>18322534
Back to >>>/d/, lads

I use to think, what would it be like if every night you died but were replaced by a copy of yourself, with all your memories.

You would never know, would you?

And here I am now, with that very concept being a possible reality for me. I might not even be human. My memories, fake.

Why can't you just tell me what is happening?

Why can't you just tell me what is my purpose?

Was it really all a game show? Am I really the winner? What the fuck does that even mean?

You all seem so concerned about my health. About the drugs, not drinking enough water, drinking too much caffeine...

Yet, the thing most likely to cause the most damage, something that could literally end in my death, you completely ignore.

What the fuck is the reason for all of this?

>>18323260
I'm sorry, it's just that /d/ really isn't good for venting stuff at all.

I know we weren't in the best relationship possible. I made my share of mistakes as did you, not sure if you see that. You were my best friend, my lover, my everything for years. I know I should have treated you better, and if it's too late then I still understand. I just want you to have the best life can give, with or without me.

In a strange way, it feels as if I had met you at on the way to the same train station, had the best conversations with you, heard your laughs and nervous giggles, and then when the trains arrive you took the blue line and I the red.

That's life I guess. Choo choo.

>>18323274
>I use to think, what would it be like if every night you died but were replaced by a copy of yourself, with all your memories. You would never know, would you?And here I am now, with that very concept being a possible reality for me. I might not even be human. My memories, fake.


I used to have the same thought. I kinda wanted to experiment with it but, idk, I felt that I could not take a risk as some of experiment I thought may involve killing myself or so

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Today has been a stressful day and I've been stuck in my head a lot.

I ended up doing something really small and stupid at the local school store.
Walked to the cash register, did my thing, and asked, "Oh, and bag, please"

A few moments later he said, "that sounded a little condescending, don't you think?"

I could tell by his body language and expression that I fucked up but all I could say was "yeah"
because I'm a dumbass. It took me until a minute later to fully register that I had somehow said something really simple in a ridiculously offensive way.
Even that yeah made him look really pissed off...

Of course I've never actually gone off on anyone because I'm feeling shitty, but I really get lost in thought and pensive as fuck.

You can see it right on my face. Apparently I default to sounding like an asshole, too...and I don't know why, but I feel really bad about it. I feel like such a horrible human being.

I'm 19 years old and I work a shitty part time job at a convenience store while I go to community college. I had the opportunity to study abroad last semester and ever since that I feel like I don't have any particular goals in mind. I don't have any skills and I withdrew from all of my classes this semester and I'm inches away from actually dropping out and becoming a loser. I'm scared and I don't have much money for anything. All I do is watch anime and play video games and I don't even have the urge to get a boyfriend because I'm scared of commitment and intimacy. I'm scared for my future. I just want to finish college, have a job I like that lets me live comfortably, meet someone I truly love and raise a family but it all feels just so far and impossible.

>>18321981
well fuck ok i cheated on my wife again. fucked a chick at work during lunch. shes gonna be moving closer and ill be fucking her more. i cant stop. i could and want to but i gotta break it off nicely so she doesnt ggo chimpout on me. nice puss tho

>>18323310
I'm in that same boat with you, anon. Feel like I don't have time to find a GF, not even time for myself. I think we need to just hang in there though. It's tough shit, but it should pay off in the end. I hope.

>>18323341
Why are you cheating on your wife?

>>18322281
Or you think that they are still holding onto someone else and you are sabotaging it...

>>18323299
Wow what a shit head. That guy has no business speaking to you about anything outside of his professional responsibilities. I wouldn't want an employee speaking to my customers that way.

>>18323274
There's a 100% chance you are human and going through some kind of disassociative identity crisis, seek help.

my confession
I am so utterly jealous of the girl my boyfriend hooked up with before he dated me that I essentially am stalking her.
I did this with my ex boyfriend's ex too. I obsess over their social media and harass them via texting apps. I have to figure out why I do this.
I think it might be due to my boredom, my jealousy, my need for control, or my eating disorder. Checking up on this girl makes my hunger disappear because I remember that I need to be better.
My ex's ex was nice and not a threat, but this girl has always been a threat to my relationship.

This girl cheated on her boyfriend with my boyfriend. This happened before he met me.
However, I found texts that suggest it still went on after my boyfriend started dating me, and that they had feelings for each other at least 6 months in to my relationship.
Basically I texted her from an app and told her that her boyfriend needs to know about her cheating. She thinks i am one of her exes. I bet she has cheated on her current boyfriend with multiple people. She is keeping up the conversation with me because she wants to protect her current relationship. I love freaking her out.
whats wrong with me

>>18323557
>>18323557
>whats wrong with me
You're insecure.

>>18323551
This is the schizo guy who posts here all the time. Do not engage.

I made a huge mistake falling in love with you.

I want you to know that I don't hold it against you. It was all my fault. You're young. I'm old. I'm sorry for getting to close to you. For what it's worth, I still believe you're a good person. I was just too young to understand. Even though I'm a good bit older than you. I just wish I could tell you face to face that I don't hate you. I don't love anymore, but I don't hate you. I just hate me. I deverse every ounce of misery. You're cool. I wasn't supposed to make it past 20 and now I'm pushing 30. I kinda hope you become a serial killer someday and put me at the top of your list. Just kill me. Just murder me. I don't wanna live anymore. And if you put me out, I'd obviously understand. I'm a failure. You're a success. Kindly murder me, cutie.

To everyone else,

you're all trash, and I'm the closest thing to perfection any of you will ever know. You can all die from asphyxiation and blow me. Fuck every single one of you. I fuck hate every single of you. Fuck you. IMaybe I'm not the best one, but I'm up there. Farther up than any of you miserable pieces of dogshit will ever know. Fuck you.

I'm the greatest thing any of you or your friends have ever know. Die slow. I'm God. Fuck everything you've known. I own you, and I will until the day my body gives out.

life sucks and I'm probably dying alone.

its been 7 years and i still miss you

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I think I'm finally ready to quit drugs and alcohol.

Well, quit the really bad drugs and moderate my alcohol intake.

Tired of feeling so shitty in so many facets.

I had a panic attack in class because my crush from 2 years ago mailed me.
I am a fucking idiot.

I almost messaged you about hooking up earlier today.

Then I rubbed one out and right at the end I remembered that my ex before you had a huge dick that made me cum every time.

All thoughts of contacting you just for sex immediately ceased.

I'll honestly be fine if we never have sex again, and I never thought I'd say that. Who knew that was the cure?

So, suddenly I'm an asshole, and a huge dick because I can't(and really don't) want to go to a retarded taco truck event that has beer for 9 fucking hours. How exciting. And it's all my fault because this guy's only two other friends don't drink and probably wouldn't put up with that shit either. But not only that, a huge dick wouldn't completely blow off their friends when they do anything else besides go drinking, despite me constantly suggesting other shit to do than bullshit about how much he misses middle school like that's where his life peaked.

I was raped as a child by neighbors teen son
My earliest memory is my grandmother being held at knife point by my father
At age 5 my mother got me tested
It turns out I have an IQ of over 150
Take after my father I guess
I can't form emotional bonds
Great at manipulating people
I don't consider anyone a friend
I don't care though
I hate how I think but I can't help it

Currently in last years of getting a double major in physics(for fun) and engineering(to make money) in an established university in California and I have tons of "friends" aka my way of making sure socially I appear normal

It's been a shit life and I wish I could share the burden and for once truly connect to other people

I question if I died and this is really hell sometimes you have no idea how horrible everything is

I love you. I think you're wonderful. Some days I can't even believe it. That you exist, that is.

>>18323687
Why in front of her group? Surely you can come up with a better plan than, anon.

Also reported for underage.

>>18323699
Impressive. What do you use?

I've been suffering a weird sort of sine-wave aggressive-anxiety ever since I tried this new medication so my psychiatrist and I started to stop it. They said to cut down to half for two days and then stop. I decided to just stop.

It was a mistake but I don't want to admit it. My body hurts, I have a headache, I'm afraid if I go to sleep I'll die. It's only been twelve goddamn hours.

To make things worse I played a video game that, I don't know what about it did it, maybe the writing and maybe it was just the withdrawal making me feel loopy, but something about it felt absolutely religious. Something in its first three playthroughs (it's a visual novel, short one, We Know the Devil) made me think I was seeing something, seeing some truth, maybe in people, maybe in me, I don't know. Then I got to the True Ending, and it just...fell over, right at the finish line. It just didn't make it all the way, and it irritated me, irritates me. I feel like I've been fucking robbed. Like I'm a chrysalis that's never going to open. The writer stuck a fucking needle in me and let my gut-soup spill across the grit on the floor.

I can't sleep. I want to sleep. I don't know what to do.

>>18323696
>IQ of over 150
>At age 5
Einstein had an IQ of 160
i highly doubt you had that sort of an IQ at that age. otherwise you should be some sort of a super genius by the time your brain had fully developed

>>18322433
>>18323163
What do they say?

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Hey, bae.

Can I still call you that? I hope it's okay.

How are you? I think I'm alright again, but it's been difficult without you. I have so much to tell you, but I know you will never hear it. I've been training a lot and I feel great physically. I think you would approve on how I look right now, I'm making such progress and it feels good. I like to think I'm doing it for myself, but it's mostly for you, in some weird way. There's a few girls in my life, too. It's exciting, but it's also bittersweet at the same time. You were all I ever wanted. I hope I won't compare them too much to you. I've just landed a job within my own field as well and I can't wait to get started.

I've reached a point where I feel I'm ready to forget you. I don't think I wanted it to get this far, but if I don't, you'll just continue to be that endless presence in my heart and mind. It hurts because I still miss you so much. Remember that morning when we lay in bed, hugging and crying, knowing that it was going to be the last time we'd be together? It still regularly haunts me. The image how you walked through the door and said, 'you'll always be my boo bear' with tears running down your face is also one that I will never forget. I try to think about all our happy moments instead, but they all seem to be so bittersweet and they aren't able to lift my spirits. So I just want to forget about you. I'm sure you've forgotten me by now. How was it so easy for you?

I hope you still remember what we promised each other - that if we would meet again, and we'd greet one another, that the awkward 'hey' would mean so much more than that. An eternity of love, hidden beneath it. I hope you remember.

I miss you, and I love you.

But I'm going to forget about you now.

Bye.

>>18323789
That's not really how IQ works, it curves for age. An IQ of 150 at 5 isn't really worth as much as it sounds like.

Today I realized that I can talk my way out of anything. Authority is only real if you allow it to be.

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>leaves seat up when we have women in the house
>doesn't flush
>doesn't wash hands, either

You're fucking disgusting, dad. Hope you forget that you didn't wash your hands and eat afterwards so you taste your own dick. You still have a bad cough because your lifestyle is unhealthy and you are absolutely unsanitary and literally make the living room into your bedroom. NORMAL PEOPLE SLEEP WITH THEIR WIVES, DAD. In fact, the way you sleep EVERY FUCKING NIGHT is what most people would consider a punishment.

And I know you're too much of a bullheaded asshole to change your bad nasty habits so just do everyone a favor and give yourself a heart attack already you unhinged fat fuck.

You ruined Mother's Day this year too, you don't deserve to have a Father's Day ever again. Everyone in the family already knows you're the worst father ever. Burn in hell, dad. Your mother is already there.

>>18323885
>leaves seat up when we have women in the house
Can't you fucking put it down yourself, you entitled piece of shit?

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>>18322331
I know this hell too, anon. I'm not proud of what I've drawn either, but I'm glad to at least be taking money away from these foolishly sick motherfuckers.

I simply try to keep a record of my customers so if I ever have to out anyone for IRL shit I can safely say they had a history of being nasty.

>>18323896
I do, retard. No one is entitled for thinking it's disgusting to leave the toilet completely untouched after using it. It's bad manners.

>>18321981
Mad at myself lads.
Went to break up with the wife because the relationship is fucking falling apart and I'm not happy.
She cries and begs me to stay. Give her a chance.
I said okay.

#pussymale

>meet woman of my damn dreams online, unintentionally no less
>tfw she resides literally on the opposite side of the country

It's saddening.

>>18323929
I feel for ya, I made the same mistake and I regret not leaving sooner. Hopefully your wife isn't nearly as monstrous as my ex was.

>>18323939
I've decided to give it to the end of June, if i'm still not feeling it, I'm out this time for good, no tears will stop me.

>>18322693
what's GSG?

L,
I miss you every fucking day. I'll be yours forever, whatever happens.
M.

A,

You're a really nice girl. I like your personality. I just don't find you sexually attractive. I wanted to tell you face to face but I'm a spineless, sackless shithead and I head to come type it out on 4chan instead. I know you really like me and I'm trying to let you down easy because I've been where you are with me right now. I've been there a bunch of times. The sweet, funny, but not in any way fuckable type. Been there at least a dozen times since at least ninth grade. You're the type of girl my parents would want me to date, and I'm sure that, at some point in my life, I'll regret not going out with you. It's just that my shitty manchild brain still just wants to "fukk hot chixz" and doesn't give a fuck about niceness. Don't feel bad. I'm an alcoholic. That night you saw me leaving work with eight pints of Yeungling- yeah, that's a typical Tuesday night for me. That's typical of me on any night of the week. Believe me, you don't want me. I'll tell you what so-and-so told me "You don't want me. I'm not that great."

- J

>>18321981
It was fun being your puppy dog for all these years but even a puppy needs a pat on the head or a bone once in a while. I won't play if you won't.

>>18323937
You don't really know her, she's not the woman of your dreams

>>18324039
With how much nudes I've gotten from her, and how we just go on skype to jerk off to each other every night, and with how many fetishes we share...
it's kinda hard to say.

>>18324041
She doesn't really know you, you're not the man of her dreams. She's probably bored with her lowkey bf and wants some long-distance strange.

>>18324046
fair enough.

>>18321981
I hate crushing on you. And I hate that thinking of you makes my heart beat faster. And I hate that everyone is encouraging me to talk to you.

I don't even want a relationship but I can't help liking you.

Feelings are such bullshit.

I'm not young anymore and it's freaking me out

>>18323551
Second that! Just ignore

>>18323591
Hehe.. you suck

>she cheats on me
>i break up with her
>cold silence

>we get back together
>she cheats on me
>i break up with her
>cold silence

>we get back together
>i break down and can't get over past
>cry in front of her
>break up with her
>cold silence

why didn't she ever seek me out and apologize? why was I such a beta the whole time? why'd I keep going back to her? why do I want to go back to her again even now?

alskdfja;lskjfa life fucking sucks, she was great, cute, sweet, everything you could want.. aside from a fucking whore

we used to walk her dog, and talk to the neighbors, and always hold hands when driving or in public, and cuddled every night, and wanted to get married, and dated for oever 3 years

>>18321997
Can you please stop fucking coming to this board? Jesus christ I have to find a new thread to vent in now because you won't fuck off.

You're young, raw, not really complex. You play hard to read, but are indeed easy to guess. You keep hiding, putting fragile masks on, pretending you care for some reason.
I'm not really interested. I'm attracted, though. I wish I could spend a day in bed with you, but I know that given enough time I'll stop feeling like I need this.
Bless and curse, being a grown up.

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>>18324190
I'm trying to reply but I can't copy/paste the response for whatever reason so I'm going to reply through photos. 1/2

This week will send the complaint form to the tax man regarding my very sketchy ex employer, guys, research research research before working for someone.

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>>18324190
>>18324231
2/2

I've started self harming.

>be me
>doing normal me things
>look down
>see average male body
>veins pop out when I do extraneous activities
>feelsgoodman
>look in mirror
>see a skeletor
Fucking mirrors ruining my distorted view of my body.

I hate life so goddamn much but I have young relatives that rely on me so I cant kill myself.
It really is just a living hell.

You know, 2nd to Maria, Mayberry is one of the most beautiful girls in the world.

Then again, you created that band specifically for me. Everything from the sound, the style, the lyrics, and her.

I want to know what is going on so badly.

Will Jesus save me?

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>>18321981
I don't feel love for anyone who used to be my friend.
I feel so lonely. Why does this happen every single time.
I hate myself and feel nothing but frustration and contempt.

Anyone have suggestions on how to get over an ex that you still find incredibly attractive?

Completely destroyed my trust in the opposite gender so going out and fucking random people isn't an option.

>>18324355
if I get around to saving myself first.

I feel kinda sad. No one really remembered my birthday. Not my crush (Who I'm good friends with), not my best friend, nor any of my close friends. No one, other than one guy from a year ago I was friends with

>>18324440
Get over it you baby.

>>18324373
You realize men cheat too right?

You always have to make a scene don't you?

>>18324464
You realize it's alot easier for women to cheat right?
A woman is using facebook as an alternative to texting another guy.
A man is using facebook as an alternative to texting another girl. Both profiles have their relationships listed and public, who do you think is more liable to refusing advances outright? Who is more likely to go to the person being cheated on?

>>18324484
Thing is alot of women have a "John Tucker Must Die" attitude. Men are the complete opposite, a majority reveling in the fact that they're cucking some dude that they see as inferior.

why do I care so much?
There is days where every minor thing spirals me into depression.
I just cant help but feel sad about everything.

I already know. Stop reminding me. Just humor me until I finally kick the bucket, K?

I am about to move cross country to be with my long distance bf


Im a little scared

>>18324613
Hopefully, I'll be doing that too.

except I'll actually be getting a sex change, moving cross country, inheriting billions of dollars, taking over the world, and moving in with 7 of my wives (or something)

Who the fuck knows.

I really want to be able to go out and do stuff with friends, like going to the beach, nightclub etc.. but I don't have any and I stay home all day long wasting away.

Do you know how frustrating it is? Seeing all these people dedicate so much to me, knowing it's true, and yet everyone denies it? Having so much evidence to back it up and still... no one to share anything with.

The entire fucking world is revolving around me right now. The. Entire. World.

But here I am, depressed as fuck because it feels like you're just fucking with me on purpose. Teasing me. Purposefully making me feel this alone and there is no end of it. I cannot think of any reason why this has gone on for so long. The only thing I can think of is that... yeah, you just like to see me suffer. That's the only fucking thing that would make sense.

If you actually cared about me at. fucking. all. you would have ended this months ago.

Should I be looking for love of some sort?
I always thought I'd know when I found a good woman
But I'm 25 and don't feel anything but alone
Should I just start randomly asking attractive women out?

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Seeing people post about being cheated on, neglected in a relationship, and being rejected by someone they deeply care about breaks my heart... here I am reading and answering as many posts as possible while my fiancé is brushing my hair telling me how beautiful I am as the anon's hearts are breaking inside of their chests.. I would like each and every single person who reads this to try hard to be happy and content, even if that means they don't want a relationship. Please continue to stay positive above anything else and push the negative thoughts out of your head.

>>18324373
1. Never see that person IRL again.
2. Wait until you meet someone you find attractive. Have better sex with them.

That's really it, sorry.

>>18324498
God damn, this isn't even true. I'm a woman and even I know about the scientific studies showing that women are more attracted to men in relationships than they are to men. It isn't hard for men to cheat at all, it's actually an advantage to already be in a relationship. You've proven your attractiveness and worthiness as a mate, so the biggest hurdle is already accomplished.

You guys don't have to do what they tell you to do, you know that right?

You can just fucking tell me what is happening. You can tell me the truth.

What the fuck are they going to do if you do that?

Yeah I know, nobody wants to be stuck with someone they don't love. I get it. Still, the fact is I would've been out of this shithole by now if you hadn't broken up with me. I was so close to finding something better, I would've moved jobs and earned twice as much and not have to live in a fucking dump. I've wasted half a year now, time you've spent living at home and going to uni, doing stuff you actually enjoy, not paying tax and having barely any responsibilities. I could've used the support dude. You'd need it too in my position, admit it.

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Ive mentioned this a few times on different boards but letting it out as a random stranger always feels relieving if only temporarily.

Im almost 25, Never really had a gf or let alone anything close to it. The only girl to ever tell me she loved me accused me of raping her.

My friends stood by me literally unwavering in their support of my defense.I suppose a reputation of being an honest person will actually hold up.

She was vicious with this and even her bf at the time didn't really believe her. She dragged my name through as much dirt as possible and it hurt me more than I thought possible. Hurt me in more subtler ways than I first realized too.

Eventually one of her friends told the police that she had confessed about her not knowing what to do and the lie had spun out of control. She was only trying to keep her bf and had told a little lie that spun out of control.


She was the first girl ever to tell me she loves me. Its been 4 years and im still afraid of intimacy,the thought of going through it again literally makes my blood go cold.

Ive been with some beautiful women and the minute they tell me they love me its like some defense mechanism kicks in and either my dick just doesn't work or I panic and just ghost them.
I thought time would fix this but it is not.I thought meditating on it and thinking it through would allow me to come to some conclusion that would let me just go I see and move on.There is no answer I can find. There was a hatred in my heart for women because of this and over the years its softened but if a woman starts flirting with me I feel the bitterness.

I cannot seem to let go of this.It seems to burn in my very being.I was just a person looking for love and what I got forced me out of my home and to a different country.

Why am I punished for just wanting to be loved. It fills me with utter despair and sadness even writing that bit....

I wonder why you all think I'm gay?

Seriously, why? Why the fuck do you think I love the cock?

It confuses the shit out of me. Never once have I done ANYTHING that would hint at such a thing. This isn't some kind of repressed sexuality that I'm in denial about... I just don't like penis. I don't like to look at naked men. I get literally nothing out of it.

You watch me 24/7 for my entire life. When, when have I eeevvveerrrr done anything to remotely hint that I like cock? or that I would ever even want to experiment with another guy?

If I wanted to fuck a dude, or get pegged, or whatever the fuck... trust me, I would fucking tell you. I have been honest about EVERYTHING, the good, the bad, and the ugly. This isn't something I'm just shy with.

Yes, I might technically be bother male and female. I might have ovaries and a uterus but I don't want dick.

I wish people understood how fucking stupid it is to tell two people "you two should date".

>>18323986
Grand Strategy Games

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Seriously, was I born intersex? Is that the scarring on my dick? It would make so much sense... and from how everything has been going down, and from my talk with what seemed like a doctor, it's true.

Also, can I actually sing worth a shit? Those videos I watched seemed to be about me... with the one about "It get's better the more you do it." and "So, when did you discover you could sing?"

I don't think I can sing worth a shit. I really want to learn how to... it's just... you guys make it seem like I have a hidden talent maybe. I just want to know if I suck as much as I think I do or if I should try.

Because you know... the whole drawing thing isn't going to happen anymore. With the parkinsons and the like.

Is there a feeling much worse than someone changing their whole look after you break up

>>18325151
I'm changing my gender after my last relationship.

I wonder how that would make her feel.

But she already knew. She was in on this the entire time.

>>18325153
A gender swap is a deeper reasoning though. It's an issue that's been tended for years I assume but someone changing their hair/color, getting a lip ring, starting to wear makeup etc

It makes you feel like an event in their life that made them want bleach as mouth wash

I guess I don't deserve friends, family, anyone

No matter how you try to explain yourself, I will never forgive you.

we're a couple but don't want the label? but you love me a lot?

im so fucking confused and totally being played hard, ho lee shit

Man it makes me sad not to talk to you. But you're a monster. This time I won't cave in.
Besides, it's not like there's anything special about you. I just have no one else to talk to

>>18321997
What a strong ghost, maybe you can dig yourself out of your room with that kind of drive. Maybe you could get a job at McDonalds.

>>18325290
tell me he doesn't want his mother to know

Is this going to be over anytime soon?

Is there any good reason that you HAVE to make me miserable as you can? Is there any good reason why you can't give me my medication? Is there any good reason why you can't let me talk to anyone about any of this? Is there any reason you can't let me talk to doctors about the possibility of STDs, parasites, or my gender/sex?

Is there a reason you can't just let me have ONE OTHER PERSON to experience all of this with? Like, they don't have to give me answers but they could like... not instantly deny everything and experience it the same way I am... also, snugs.

I legit want to kill myself so fucking badly. I don't care anymore... the implications of all of this are truly horrible. They are just god awful. The things you people have been doing to me my entire life are disgusting. And you're making me deal with all these horrible truths completely alone in the worst possible way because you get entertainment out of it.

Why are you doing this to me? Why?

If this doesn't end soon...

I don't care about your world. I can't take this any longer. This is too much.

>>18325306
I played with my hand revealed and you call me the villain. I struggle on a daily basis because of how you treated me and how you treat yourself.

I still read them all

i'm supposed to hang out with the red hot chili peppers friday but i'm not going to because i have severe social anxiety. an hero soon to follow

I'm leaving school without a single friend. I never thought that this was a bad thing, but I had surrounded myself with people that now leave me with a feeling that it may be. I also like dead bodies...any ideas

I had a weirdest dream about you last night. I was in your bed sleeping and you wrapped your huge arms around me, Idk why I have a big crush on you all of the sudden like crazy. I love every pieces of you and some part that are messed up and it seems it will ruin me if I ever touch you. It sucks bc I know I'm not your kind of woman.

>watching porn over the weekend
>suddenly get bored
>start browsing /fit/
>do some squats on a whim
>start getting up earlier, doing a small workout before work
>get home, thinking about cute girl at work instead of porn or the last rejection
>do some research for a new recipe to try
>start cutting out some of the fattier foods I eat
>browse /fa/
>bought new clothes for the first time in years
>slim fit for my skinny-fat ass
>worried I'm going to look and feel like a poser tryhard
>actually fit really nice
>like, really really nice, and it doesn't look bad at all
>feeling more confident
>start speaking up at work more
>getting back into old projects with new enthusiasm

I'm not sure what happened, but all of a sudden I'm feeling in control of my life.
Just a few small changes, ones I know I can maintain, and I'm feeling better.
It feels good, alien, but good.

The downside is that I can't shake this small dread that something terrible is going to happen soon, and that's why life is suddenly better. Even if something bad doesn't happen, I'm afraid the paranoia is going to ruin what I've got going.

I feel like I'm scared to be genuinely happy and self-sufficient, but I'm hopeful I can keep feeling good with these small improvements.

>>18321981
My mother tried to kill me with cyanide last year. I purchased 24K Gold Plating solution off ebay and had it in my room for a while. The solution uses free cyanide to keep the gold solvated and the container has POISON written all over it. I set it aside so I could learn more about goldplating and started thinking about items that I wanted to goldplate. After a few weeks of being out on my dresser, it disappeared. I suspected it was taken from me by my mother, as she usually enters my room when I'm gone and either takes things away from me or just rearranges things on whatever whim might be driving her.

I noticed after I drank a water-bottle that was left among my other water-bottles in my room. I had an antidote (methylene blue) and ended up taking it once I was confident enough that I was experiencing cyanide poisoning and not just nighttime fatigue. It helped almost immediately and I shrugged it off. I knew she had the plating solution and I figured she would try something like this as soon as it was removed from my room.

The next day I confronted my mother and asked her: "Did you try to kill me last night?" She said nothing and continued doing what she was doing prior to me coming into the room. I asked her again, "Did you try to kill me last night with cyanide? I know you have my goldplating solution." She didn't even answer me and she just left the room.

End of story: She has been an emotionally abusive sociopathic person towards me and the others in the family. Up until the night that she tried to poison me I had been fed up with the way she treated my father and sisters and constantly voiced my opinion of her character and moral values.

Is it weird that I have no way to internalize her actions toward me?

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I've atrophied into a weak, unintelligent, uninteresting, non-opinionated, dispassionate, non-expressive, unemotional, and ignorant husk of a human being. Why do people even bother to talk to me any more? I'm just an overall disappointment to be around and I know it.

>>18322433
Don't think of it as a negative "why am I being put through this hell" type thing. Try to work towards being able to ignore the wispers even if that leads to you ignoring real people trying to get your attention, on accident. Don't let it rule your life, and just try to work around it.

there's this guy who likes me and says he loves me a lot but I do not want to be in any relationship and I dislike the feeling of love and stuff. He is like a leech on my back and I have told him many times that we need space and we should get away from each other; however he keeps making me feel bad and i break and say something sweet to make him feel better and once that happens he runs back and latches onto me like a leech, it's an endless cycle and it's really bothersome. This has been going on for six months now... his name is Alvin and I honestly wish death upon him because he is hella fucking emotional needy and possessive. I have tried everything and i will do anything to settle this as peacefully and calmly as possible because if i say we need some space, he has the biggest freak out like wtf do i even do...

>>18325309
oh no, in fact I am the guy myself.

shes had a history of awful relationships and is trying to protect herself. However we're at the point of using pet names, checking in on eachothers days, regular contact/time spent together, but doesn't want the relationship label.

I think I need to bail out. its not right to be this misled.

>>18325525
Because they care, anon.
Ask them tomorrow what they think your strong points are.

A friend of mine just got into a relationship with another friend of mine and they're in that honeymoon phase where they're very affectionate with each other publicly and it's sickening.

Because I'm bitter and jealous and have no one to do that stuff with. I'm trying not to despair about it but... God fucking damn, I am lonely.

I am like the girl, honestly maybe it's just a friends with benefits thing. If she loved you first then she probably just needed the comforting? If you loved her first then she is accepting it and playing along trying to convince herself she loves you but she actually probably needs space but also doesn't want to lose you. Ah if it goes to far, like if you tell her something about it the best thing to do is to let it die itself. It'll hurt the both of you

Everything will be ok. Just keep telling yourself that everything will be ok.

>>18325565
Ha. Fuck no it wont.

>>18325543
I am like the girl, honestly maybe it's just a friends with benefits thing. If she loved you first then she probably just needed the comforting? If you loved her first then she is accepting it and playing along trying to convince herself she loves you but she actually probably needs space but also doesn't want to lose you. Ah if it goes to far, like if you tell her something about it the best thing to do is to let it die itself. It'll hurt the both of you

I'm so fucking sick of this community promoting shitty people doing shitty things. One day I'll just walk away and feel better for it.

>>18325550
No, they don't care, they're lonely and would talk to anyone which would give them the time of day. These aren't people like say your good personal friends concerned about your well being - these are merely people who have nobody else left to turn to to satiate a desire for some semblance of human contact. You get rid of one and just another shows up in their steed. Anyone which I have known that cared in the manner you suggest are long gone to other things with their lives because I don't like their patronizing and they are perturbed when no progress is made. That or they just have better things to do, like children or work.

>>18325543
Confide in her that the fact that she had bad experiences in the past that it shouldn't dictate how your relationship would be. Assure her that regardless of what she feels is right you stand by her decision and you understand learning to trust again is difficult but she can't avoid going outside because she got sunburned before. The distance may be necessary for her right now so you need to make strides to show you're for real.

>>18325554
Can't offer you much but sympathy and commiseration, anon. I hope they get out of it soon.
I had two friends hook up and I didn't see her sit anywhere but his lap for two months straight.

>>18325595
>>18325580
thank you for this. I think its graduating from a FWB situation into something a bit more serious, it started off as that but now its turned into pet names, "I love you", spending time together frequently, etc. im sure FWB have done the same things but it feels like a bit more than that

tons of strides have been made on my part too. spent a few late nights with her as she bawled her eyes out over life stress and finals, we've shared some deep stuff together and I had a shitty weekend with family and she talked me through it a bit so we're trying at least.

its confusing, I want to dabble with other people but also think this is something to keep chiseling away at.

Addressed to every person I've met in the last few months:
Sorry that I was kind of a dick to you. I've been mean ironically so long, I honestly don't know when I'm really hurting someone's feelings. It's just my way of getting comfortable around you. I'll try to stop.

>>18321981
To everyone from before then, I know I don't mean anything to you all. I don't know why I held onto the past for so long. Over the last year after moving to the other side of the country I have grown. I don't care anymore. I don't have any friends either. But it's okay. All that matters is me right now. Thanks for all the times we had. But now I need to understand the situation too. It's all over now isn't it. Goodbye to everyone and everything before. Next week I leave the country for a few months. I'll be working. It'll be nice. New people, a new start, new experiences. So now, goodbye

Neutral..
but mostly dead inside.

Greatful for everything I've got, but still worried about when my life will begin..

Currently I can't help but to feel very embarrassed due to the situation I exposed myself to. After cooking dinner, I decided to accompany a friend of mine to meet some of their friends. I moved recently and I'm fairly new to this area and have no friends within a few hours radius.. We meet up with a few people at a bar, they're all fit military guys - navy and a couple marines - I couldn't look up from the floor after greeting them. At first they were sincere and very friendly towards me, asking me questions and I responded accordingly being very polite even though I suffer from crippling shyness. I had a basic conversation in German with one of them, I accepted drinks from a few, bought three out of the six of them shots to take with each other to be in good favor, asked them questions that weren't involving why they had enlisted, smiled and tried to maintain eye contact and refrain from giving out too personal of information. Not even an hour later I'm being cat called when I go and leave the restroom and flirted with. The attention made me uncomfortable which I expressed with awkward body language and asked them to stop very politely, they could not catch on to it due to the amount of alcohol they consumed and I could tell my friend was feeling equally uncomfortable and embarrassed of his friends. I excused myself to step outside to have fresh air and breathing room while one of them flipped up my skirt exposing the shorts I was wearing underneath. I have never ran so hard in my life - I'm still collecting my breath - and all I can hear is "come back good girl let me take you home" on repeat in my mind. Maybe I overreacted by running out of the bar and leaving my friend behind but I'm starting to really resent all military at this point.

>>18321981

I miss my dog. She died 2 months ago. Had her for 15 years.

Severely depressed about that and other things. Life is a mess... barely any hope in sight.

>>18325696
Ew. I don't think you overreacted at all.

>>18325696
If your friend was interested in you, he made a huge mistake inviting a bunch of his horny friends to hang out with you. But it's good that you took off when you did. The dumbass probably would've turned a blind eye if one of them tried to drag you to their car and rape you.

Have you contacted your friend since this happened?

>>18325696
Marine and Navy are scum, having known alot of enlisted from both.

>>18325709
Glad you said that, it made me feel a lot better since I'm awkward in social situations.

>>18325720
They invited him. Since him and I spend a lot of time together he asked me if I wanted to get out of the house to meet some new people that he has not seen since they went underway / were deployed. His heart was in the right place and he had good intentions so I don't blame him for his friend's actions. Personally I couldn't see him turning a blind eye if something like that was attempted but that's probably because I see him in a good light. I'm just glad the situation didn't escalate any further than what it did.

He phoned me ten minutes after I left and I didn't pick up the first four calls because I needed time to breathe and think because more than anything I was embarrassed of being in a situation like tha..however I am thankful due to the possibility of my skirt riding up - I wear shorts underneath - so I'm glad I took precaution.. When I did answer we talked for a while and he expressed guilt on behalf of his friends, especially the one, and said we never had to see them again. He told me he understands if I need space and can't see him for a while so I thanked him for understanding and ended the call.

>>18325740
My birth father was Army and a bad man, I should of imprinted the thought then that they're not the best people to surround myself with. Other than that I've known one marine who turned out to be the biggest mistake and regret of my life. I'm sorry to hear you've had bad experiences with military as well. I want to continue to believe the good ones are out there - these were just drink ones wanting to have fun and good off - but overstepped their boundaries. They have been through a lot more than civilians after all, well, some of them. That doesn't excuse the behavior though.

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I just woke up after more vivid dreams about this one girl I still blame myself for fucking up with. Never was with her, but she was my friend, and I emotionally abused her in a way because I was obsessed about her.

I see her now, she is doing well and we talk as if pleasant strangers, but that's as far as she'll let me in and that's as far as I want it to be. I just remember and even though I thought I forgave myself many times over, it all comes back when I'm extremely lonely, like now.

I think back on the failed dates and mini relationships I had with some of the most beautiful (physically and personality) girls I've ever seen. I wonder how I even managed to bag such gorgeous women, even for a few weeks but everything's like sand in my hands.

I woke up today on the verge of a panic attack. That shouldn't be.

>>18325764
I'm enlisted which is why I said. There are bad apples in all branches but marines are especially vulgar and sexist. In the army, in my unit atleast, we understand cohesion and how doing something like sexually harassing someone completely destroys the trust of your fellow soldier. We're very like brothers and sisters. I don't have the opposite sex in my MOS but it doesn't matter when 85% get deployed as infantry.

Sorry that happened. I hope it doesn't cause you further stress in reaching out to meet new people, which it very well should. Figure chances are the next group of people you meet won't be similar.

>18321981
I have herpes and don't know how to deal with it. I mean just talking to people normally, I don't want to admit it, but I hate keeping secrets. And when I tell people they usually haven't reacted well. I have been rejected and accepted for it, some girls were OK with it, but mostly I shut down. Recently signed up for a STD dating site. Dunno if it will work out. I guess if I met a wife she might be OK with potentially catching it. Also the odds of actually transmitting it are very low with valtrex, I never actually have outbreaks. But ... well fuck my life. Yes I was sexually foolish in the past but I was also so depressed I didn't care. Now I feel like Theon Grayjoy.

>>18325772
>mostly I shut down
I mean "mostly I got shut down."

Called the national suicide hotline twice already tonight. I have a plastic bag I was planning to tie around my head, so IDK if I want to try that again later tonight. Don't even feel that suicidal, just don't feel like putting up with life anymore.

I'm a year and a half behind on my credits for my degree and have been out of school for 3 months, trying to find a job or internship. No callbacks, shit pay, and failed drug tests have stopped me. I was supposed to come in for my first day as delivery driver tomorrow, but I have car problems (brake pads, oil change, no money for gas).

None of my old hobbies interest me anymore. Whenever I try to start, it feels more like a hassle than anything, and I usually stop because my head will start to hurt from overthinking.

My family is slowing becoming distant and hostile towards me. Every conversation we have just leads to arguments and either person just walking away and not speaking to the other for days at a time.

This is my first time writing in one of these threads. I feel a bit better just typing how I feel, but eventually I will have to go to sleep, wake up, and deal with all this shit in the morning.

I hate this shit.

>>18325782
I assume you have a clean record and a clean bill of health

Imagine being in your position without either. Now realize it's not so bad.

>>18325772
That is awful that you have this. The pain of knowing may not go away, but it might be less overbearing with time.

I must say thank you for being so responsible and trying not to pass it forward. I can't tell you the number of people I know who have an STD who purposely sleep around to give it to some one else. One person cuts themselves and rubs it on a cup for someone to drink. I've become a germophobe ever since meeting her.

>>18325782
Apply for TEFL in another country or something? Literally do anything other than suicide. I don't think you should take stupid risks or make bad decisions but if suicide is your alternative then almost anything is a good decision.

>>18325771
>There are bad apples in all branches but marines are especially vulgar and sexist.

It's funny (poor choice of word) you speak of marines that way - that is because my mother tried to raise me with "men in the army are the worst, they are pigs" - and always spoke highly of marines because her father was a marine who was thought highly of and well liked.

>.....in my unit atleast, we understand cohesion and how doing something like sexually harassing someone completely destroys the trust of your fellow soldier. We're very like brothers and sisters. I don't have the opposite sex in my MOS but it doesn't matter when 85% get deployed as infantry.

Very interesting, thank you for giving me perspective. My trust towards drunken guys at bars has hit a low point but it's hard on me to imagine that guy in uniform after tonight. My friend suggested we speak up about it but my fear is nothing will happen rather than not being bothered with it.

>Sorry that happened. I hope it doesn't cause you further stress in reaching out to meet new people, which it very well should. Figure chances are the next group of people you meet won't be similar.

Thank you for your words and what you have taken the time to share with me tonight, I sincerely appreciate it. Maybe I sound a bit strange but I am shaken up. In time I will do my best to meet new people and build new friendships but I'm going to continue working and focusing on myself until I'm ready - and stay far away from bars.

Have a good morning / night, anon. Thank you again for sharing.

>>18325786
The girl I had a falling out with showed back up in my life and suddenly had a herpes sore on her lip. Told me it was from passing a blunt around.

More like passing dick inbetween and around your lips, slut.

>>18325796
I got cold sores from smoking weed (passing a pipe around) before I ever did anything sexual or kissed anyone.

>>18325790
It's been a while since I was in the social loop, I wish I had some advice on where to meet new people. I had an awful, awful break up that dragged on for a year. I haven't really recouped my trust in the opposite sex since. It's insane how easy it is for some people to lie. Hope things work out for you.

>>18325800

Cold sores are different from mouth herpes. Which kind do you have?

>>18325800
It's more difficult than you think getting exposed. It's improbable. She was sleeping around anyway.

I hope I see her Friday. Wish I asked for her number then, especially with time running out and the quarter about to end.

Even then, I hope a lot of shit happens.
Here's to not breaking down

I hate May. It's been two years now since you left. I really thought I was more over you than this. Apparently not.

>>18325817
I wish you'd be more to yourself, maybe then you can go and make someone more deserving happy with the abundance of care and attention you long to provide.

I just want to fuck shit up. All. the. time.

Oh no, I'm feeling bad for my ex. He has this incredible power to make me feel guilty, and I have no idea when I should feel bad or not. I feel terrible. I'm so sorry. At the same time, I think he only uses me. But that doesn't justify it. I have to be a good person.
How can I be nice to someone who broke my trust? I have to leave him behind... I'm full of bad memories because of him. Whenever I think about the girl he had sex with I feel so defeated and humiliated. But is that enough of a reason to insult him? It happened so long ago. I'm so sorry... I have to stop acting like a child

>>18325839
After a long time of going back and forth with my ex, I never followed my gut instinct that screamed to run as fast and as far as possible in the opposite direction. Trust me, being in a new relationship without the toxicity or thought of infidelity is so much better. It take a bit more effort getting to know someone new and it may not be the instant gratification you get hooking up with an ex, the effort spent put in someone else is so much more worth it.

>>18325801
I hope you find people that you enjoy being around as well as a companion worthy of your trust and affections. It saddens me to hear about that experience - I can relate and empathize with that. Passen Sie auf sich auf.

It still doesn’t make sense why you wandered over to me to talk and that lame as fuck fundraiser. You came over to me to say something about you being with the people on video playing. I don’t know why you wanted to sound like you’re impressing me. For some reason then all those moments connected in my head. not all at once but slowly. I saw you at THAT spot, you were crying but not broken. everyone else was freaking the fuck out. I guess looking back, I thought that moment meant we were both so fucked in the head. That made you so attractive to me. You weren’t weak. You’re strong. I think you’re stronger than me. I remember you use to come up and rub your elbow on mine. you use to come find me at parties to talk. I think you even went easy on me and let me think i had a ‘perfect’ opening. I remember at the first show i brought you to, you kept looking at my hand overtime i ashed. I could be wrong but I’d like to think you wanted my hand to grab yours. When you crashed for the first time i think you wanted me to make a move. You were dead drunk tho. I thought i did the right thing by keeping my distance but after you got mad in the morning i guess that was signal that i wasn’t built to read. For some reason those little moves totally freaked me out.It scared me that someone might actually like me, because that gives me someone to hurt and to disappoint. I’m used to shoving everyone away. It makes things easier. If no one cares about me then no one can miss me when I’m gone right? if no one is close to me then there’s no one to hurt but me. The trauma in my head makes this all worse. I was so afraid of hurting you or you hurting me that i conflated everything out like i was a super hero. You’re punk as shit and i love that. I wish me and my friends weren’t such a fucking embarrassment. I wish i didn’t have scumbags for friends. I wish i wasn’t such a fuck up.

I wish i didn’t ruin everything i touch.

I’m sorry.

>>18325802
No. Canker sores are different. Cold sores are def. herpes. Kids these days i swear to god

>>18325800
Everyone has herpes dude, its literally nothing

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Sorry that I've been harsh on you, put you down and make you feel like shit most of the time. I'm sorry that I'm being really selfish and never cared about your emotions at all. I'm sorry that I've always mentally abused you without me even knowing.

I'm sorry that I'm a toxic and destructive person. I'm sorry to have involved you into my problems in the first place. I'm sorry about everything.

If I ever met you, all I want to do is to apologize greatly to you, I'm not looking to get back again, I want you to have a good life and have a nice family, avoid me at all cost. I want you to have a better partner that cares more towards you than I ever did.

I'm sorry.

>>18325875
But I want you

>>18326072
Stop it with this shit anon it's creepy

Everything is going fine. I have to put just a bit more effort into my life. Everything is fine.

THEN WHY AM I SO GOD DAMN SCARED AGAIN?! WHY DO THESE OLD AND TIRED ANXIETIES STILL FUCK ME UP?!

MAKE IT STOP

I'm not okay. I need help. I wish I could scream this, I wish I could stop pretending I'm okay. If I admit there is a problem, everything will get even more fucked up.

>>18326087
Why

It's kinda funny in a pathetic way how girls are afraid of taking even the smallest risks. Not being able to open the door to check if someone is there sums up the female gender quite well.

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S,

I doubt you are even interested in me romantically but all these vibes you give off make me think otherwise. My self esteem is so low that even your flirting attempts are taken as just "being friendly" towards me.

I will never ask you out on a date. Sorry, I am just a coward. I care more about not being embarrassed in front of our coworkers than possibly being happy with you. I really did enjoy our time yesterday together. I wish there would be times like that. Maybe when I get a new job I'll ask you out.

I won't though. I will still be the same coward but with a new excuse.

-Jay

>>18321981
Sorry that i killed myself.
But i'm tired as fuck
Death just seems more appealing to me than struggling to live for the sake of staying alive to struggle more.
I have so many things to say,
but when i started writing, there's nothing.
but let's just leave it as that.

I'm looking forward to death/my eventual suicide. I should be upset with myself for thinking that way but I'm just strangely calm.

No more dealing with all the shit going on in the world, no more debt, no more frail body, no more falling behind in relation to my peers, no more struggling to be a good lover.

I'm looking forward to just being able to sleep forever.

>>18323814
cringe

I wish I could say I feel remorseful, that I regret picking you apart the way I did.

Truthfully, it felt good to destroy you. I walked away from our relationship out of love for you, because I knew I didn't really respect you and that we were quickly becoming toxic to each other. But when you started gloating about how quickly you moved on, how you were over it, I put you to the test. I drew you back in. You had become my adversary at this point. I drew you back in and pushed you out, then drew you back in again. You weren't over it. Then you started insulting me.

>KILL MODE ENGAGED

I didn't have to curse or blow my top. That would've given you too much satisfaction, so I made surgical strikes on all the things you were insecure about. I had a good chuckle when you told me you didn't care and weren't losing any sleep over it because I knew my sister would call me complaining about how you called her crying and to leave you alone. Consider yourself left alone. I don't want you nor do I want to be a part of your life, but you'll never forget me. Fuck you, C.

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>watch actual amateur porn
>it's just so awkward and depressing

>>18322011
While it's going to hurt to loose him, you made his life better and although he can't express it in words, your everything he had in the end.

Jealousy and envy will be the death of me. I'm legit ready to go to jail and get raped by a 8' tall 8" dick nigger because I murdered this fucking cunt talking to my crush.

>>18325850
This is what I want, but I haven't met anyone I clicked with yet.
And I'm trying to cut contact with him, I just did a couple of days ago actually but I feel bad. It'd be much easier if I had any close friends.

But you know, I feel broken. It's been a year and a half and I've never felt genuine happiness again. We had dated for 4 years and it came out of nowhere.

I hope he doesn't read this, I've come to this place to vent and had him reply before. If you do, please leave me alone

>>18326622
Post links

>>18326461

I think about this all the time from some years now. I'm so sorry man. We just think about i and rationally that's the best choice for us individually. But emotionally we just can't get to do it in the final moment because it's a hard obstacle.

The only choices are either retire (die) or fight, both individually and collectively. I found out organizing in a strong political organization has made me stronger and more mature and gave me a lot of ideological and historical insight. This might as well help you.

>>18326688
There's so much to my story that it can fill 4 posts worth of paragraphs. So many lies and so much sneaking around. I was stupid enough to shelter a bird faking it's wounds so she could be with someone new and exciting. I made the mistake of falling in love with her. Through the mental turmoil I lost my friends, my family. I dropped everything to be there for someone that didn't deserve it. She calls me threatening suicide because her current boyfriend hates her and I talk her down, then blows up my phone asking me to get her weed a month later like she'd done to so many guys that she dropped out of her life in front of my very eyes.
I understand that time holds relevance. However it's a huge mistake to allow it to cloud your judgement. We spend years with people we never truly know.
Cheating though is unforgivable in my eyes.
When you go back to someone that betrayed you it's telling them that you're so emotionally dependent on them. That you can't function without them, that cheating or lying is excusable due to the fact that you have been so low, alone. Never allow someone that's fully taken advantage of your trust back into your life unless you are a member of family because at the end of the day you don't know for certain what their motives are. It will only lead you down a path where you're breaking your back in hopes that he doesn't wander again. It's not a relationship with positive energy. As much as I would love to just hold her in my arms again, to hug her as tight as possible, grasping for whatever shred of hope I had for her being a just person, I know that there would be a darkness in me full of doubt and remembrance of sadness and hurt that will never go away until she does. In the quietest moments it's only you and your thoughts. No person dare say be the better and forgive because happiness, sadness.. All of it is fleeting, one to the other. A grand balance is in play and you would be best with someone without that weight.

I promised I would never cheat. And I did

I said I loved her and I got drunk and betrayed her trust.

I never thought I was this person. I am not a cheater. I would never. I thought of every moment, every possible way it could go. And in the end I would say no. And I could've. But I have no self control. I deserve nothing good in this life

I am utter garbage. Complete filth. Trash. I am the lowest scum, the thing I feared and hated the most I have become. How do I live with myself? How can I forgive myself?

>>18326860
>I am utter garbage. Complete filth. Trash. I am the lowest scum, the thing I feared and hated the most I have become. How do I live with myself? How can I forgive myself?

Stop beating yourself up for the mistakes you made in the past. Forgive yourself for you mistakes. Try to make amends with the person your hurt to the best of your ability and move forward, committing to exercising self-control and self-discipline. Every day is full of choices and sometimes we make the wrong ones and mess up in a bad way. It doesn't mean you're trash, or filth. It means you're human. Even the apostle Paul who wrote most of the New Testament bemoaned his inability to stop sinning, even though he desperately wanted to. As long as we live in these fallen bodies, we'll mess up. Don't let the past keep you chained.

>>18326860
You have to take it as a life lesson and understand that promises and words aside the decision for the relationship may very well be hers to make if she already knows.

As much as I spoke of lies and deceit if you truly love her and she doesn't know, don't tell her. Let it be that you'll never, ever make the decision again. If you're actually a piece of shit and continue it'll catch up with you.
In the future you have to be as understanding as possible. This means if she does something to damage your trust, you should be inclined to forgive. There's still a chance that the situation will improve your outlook and effort in the relationship.

>>18326881
It happened two days ago. I don't know how to speed the process.
>>18326882
She doesn't know. I do love her. I don't want to tell her, she thinks so much of me, She believes I am truly the best she's ever had. But how could I do this to her?
I've read that if you love someone, it's not worth the break in trust to tell. All the "experts" say.
I don't know if she'll forgive me. But it gnaws at my insides, to know what she doesnt, to put on a happy face and to love and to feel the love back. But I love her. I feel at some point she'll break me unintentionally. But I can't hurt her like that. She didn't deserve me to do this, but she doesn't deserve the hurt that comes with the knowledge. Doesn't she deserve to know? I don't know if I can keep it a secret. She had severe anxiety about it and I promised I would never. And in the moment I told her, I meant it with all my heart. I don't know how to live with it. I don't know how to keep this secret, and still be able to forgive myself.
But it gets worse. Because I have strong feelings for the girl I cheated on her with. I feel regret regardless of my choice. The woman I slept with is very close, and understanding. She likes me a lot. And she knows I want to stay with gf. She said it's alright. She accepts if I want to stay with my gf. That she wants to stay in my life regardless of my choice. I don't want to lose either of them, but one way or the other, one of them is hurting. So I sit here hurting too. You people are all I have right now to talk to about it. I beg you for help, I'm dying

What a waste. You need to hurry up and learn the importance of money and realize that someday, your parents aren't gonna be there to buy every little thing you point at.

>>18326911
You should tell her. Doing the right thing isn't always easy or convenient but the guilt will eat you alive if you try to hide this.. You owe it to her to tell her you betrayed her trust and to accept and deal with whatever the consequences may be. Yes, she will be hurt. She may even leave you, but if you come clean it might mitigate some of the damage done. Also if you want to fix things with your girlfriend and keep things fixed, you need to get rid of the other girl and maybe rethink the role of alcohol in your life. A lot of mistakes we make start with primarily innocent situations that go a little foo far.

>>18326929
If I left the other girls life, she would probably kill herself. Hands down. It's not only that I mean so much to her, but she's fucked up. She has had a lot of problems and she needs support. I've talked her down from suicide a couple times. And I promised her she had nothing to worry about.

Tthat's the only way I could get my gf to forgive me though, if I cut all contact with her. I can't tell her. And I can't not. I'm sorry I'm such a pain, these feelings make it hard for me to think rationally. Thank you for even bothering with me anon

>>18321989
Is that you Samsa

>>18326937
The only other option is to tell your girlfriend and assure her that you're wrong for her. You broke a huge, huge promise. It may be best for her as well if you "force" the break up. Perhaps you're best with the other girl? There's no way I'd let you still be in contact with her if we were in a relationship

I guess I should just stop. I can only take so much. I can do this anymore. You call me handsome. You tell me you have dreams about me, you get jealous that at the possibility that I might looking at other girls. You even tell me that you want to say something but you can't because you " have no right". You are dropping hints, yet, you push me away. I don't know what to do. You give no intention of wanting to fix things between us and yet, you play with me like this?

I need to really just ghost you, if for my own sanity. I'm not how much longer I can maintain the tiny bonfire for you. Not sure how much I can take before I just let it go cold. The memories we shared, they are like twigs that only maintain the embers. Soon, it will turn dark. Soon, I may have to give you up.

His mom is a pack rat bordering hoarder. We're throwing things out to make room for our future - our children - and the thought scares me that my children will want to play outside and do whatever it is kids do only to have a pile of crap fall over and pin them down or crush them. I would never be able to forgive myself nor her if the worst happened. He says everything will be taken care of but I don't think she will let anything go without a heated argument or a fight because of the sentimental value she attached to the items. Most of it is broken and of no use, doubles, triples of things we already have just taking up unnecessary space. It's suffocating - I can't even clean how I would like to because more stuff is added from a goodwill or Walmart trip or someone is ridding themselves of things they don't want anymore and she can't pass up the free items. I will start an endeavor of throwing things out only to leave him to do it himself because of the stress it causes me. I'm feeling horrible sucking him into another project only to abandon him to cool off in the bedroom. I wonder to myself if i will make a good housewife and mother because the slightest tingle of stress and I shut down completely and lose hope.

I am 23 - soon to be 24 - which is the main reason why I would like to start a family before I turn 25.

Freya, inspire me today. Teach me to walk through my day with pride in my own being, with confidence, with power and strength. Goddess of passion, bless me with the insight to the marrow of my bones that I am a person of worth in the eyes of the Gods, the eyes of the ancestors, and of myself.

>>18325823
I'm trying, for your sake.

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>half an hour before getting off job earlier today
>workplace has view out over local park
>qt strolls in a sits for a picnic
>hell yeah imma ask her out on a date
>few minutes later two of her friends join
>n-no problem
>suddenly their entire fucking class shows up
>she's a high school student
why tho

>>18326958
Thank you for your service

I just don't understand you, I love you, but how can you have the audacity to come together with me, tell me that you've felt this way about me for a long time, and that you can see us having a long future together, and then tell me that you need time to work on yourself because you've been in relationships for practically your whole life, only to immediately enter another one, thinking I wouldn't notice. How am I supposed to feel? Because I'm fucking crushed, if you didn't want to be with me you should've just said so. After my years of isolation, opening up to the girl I love and having her accept me was a dream come true, I tore down my defenses and let you in because you were so eager to become a part of my life that I thought it was impossible that you were just playing me. And now you have the nerve to tell me it's been too long since we've spoke and want to hang out, only to blow me off when I respond?? What kind of a person are you? And why do I still feel so strongly about you through all this bullshit? I hate you, I love you, just make up your mind.

>>18327199
Uhh babygirl, please be patient for me pls pls. I love you very much, pls sleep well.

>>18326300
I ain't no pussy bitch

I'm really scared of life, evil things are lurking around every corner, but I promised myself I won't be afraid anymore and I will trudge through everything for the betterment of myself.

I'm just too scared right now...

You are everything to me. I mean you were just a friend to me for a long time, i don't know what the fuck happened. Now i want you so badly, yet even the smallest idea of my actions offending you in any way scare the shit out of me. Shit, i almost fucking shot myself because i confessed to you after that one wondeful night of partying and drinkng enough alcohol to kill a horse. i didn't see you in almost 3 months after that, and when the next semester started (btw english is not my first language and education system related stuff is super hard for me to translate, was 18 at the time) i actively avoided you since over those months in my mind i deduced that you must absolutely spite my existence. But then you came over to me and asked me why i didn't talk to you n your usual cheerful manner made me question my sanity. Nevertheless we continued our lives like the thing i did that one wonderful night never happened. but i was way more cautios around you. so cautios that i missed a shitton of opportunities. And here we are, almost exactly one year later since that unforgettable night you gave me, and i still haven't grown enough balls to tell you how i feel sober.


but it's alright


you're too good for me anyway


maybe i should've pulled that trigger after all...

I can't believe Chris Cornell died. I'm holding my tears because I know it's retarded to cry for the death of someone I never met but it feels awful.
I wasn't even that huge a fan or anything but Audioslave was one of those bands that listenning to them helped me through high school.
It's also raining outside and I have an exam in college but I don't think I can pull myself through to do it.

>>18322489
This is exactly me, now I dumped her and she became the slut and the bitch that she always was inside and I'm just waiting for the next time I see her so I can beat the shit out of her for hurting me and being immature and stupid.

>>18327216
I'm a guy

>>18325875

You've got a ton of problems why don't you try fixing them in therapy or something

Hey boyfriend, I want to talk to you about something that's been bugging me for awhile.

I know you watch a lot of porn, I used to check your downloads to see what kind of kinks I could emulate for you but lately I feel repulsed and neglected. You always pressure me to try anal because you watch these anal compilations that I think are overstimulating you into wanting instant gratification instead of working with me to learn my own body and what feels good for both of us, like having a penis is all the skill you need.

Last night you woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex, and at first it was wonderful and passionate but then you demanded I called you daddy and said you were going to cum on my face, and after you got off you sat in the bathroom with your computer for half an hour while I lay awake too disappointed to even think about getting myself off to fall asleep more quickly.

I genuinely want to know what the fuck you're thinking and what you see us as, because I feel more like a toy you can project your fantasies on rather than a partner. I love you, but your lack of effort on our sex life is pushing me away. I want to try new things with you, but not when you either willfully or ignorantly turn a blind eye to my needs, and I don't know which one is worse. This is going to take effort on both of our parts, but mostly yours and I don't know how to bring it up to you without letting in to the resentment I feel from this neglect and having to deal with you pout and cry about how sorry you are or try to shift the blame on me for not being more clear with when I'm obviously in the mood. If we keep going like this, I don't know if this relationship will last as long as we both seem to hope it will, so I better figure out how to start the discussion soon.

So, there's a chick I talked with during 8th grade. We laughed, discussed, really we were sizing up to be a good couple if we were able to get that far. Then the transitioning summer into HS happened, I didn't have any number so we fell off. Then Freshman year started and we talked again for around two weeks. We fell off due to a shitload of work to do, then we kinda stopped talking after she met a tomboy who didn't want me near her. I didn't mind, I chased another girl then realized she smoked and cut so I dropped her. I'm now at the closing days of my freshman year, she's talking with another guy and I realized something today. I'm becoming a demon chasing thots and emos, lying, stealing. They don't make my heart flip like she did at the sight of her. I want her, but I feel like I don't even know her anymore. If I have to press the [RESET] button on my relationship I'll do it.

am I jesus?

"I have no right to tell u anything." That's what you tell me instead of telling me what you feel. I have no right to say anything because I'm your ex. I have have just as much right as you do then? But I will say this, this is stupid. We are still acting like children, the both of us. Hiding our feelings for each other behind this strange miasma of confusion.

You keep saying you don't need help, but I can see that you do. After ten years of knowing you, I can tell then you do. I can see you trying to act strong when you talk to me, the way that you do, but I can see past that facade and see the sparkling eyes of the girl I fell for years ago. Still, you push me way like the outer layers of a star, when inside pulls me in.

If only we could just stop this charade and speak to each other as adults, we could likely get past this, but you continue to fight yourself on all this.

I will try to hold on, but it gets harder the more you play around. As you inferred we are getting too old for this shit.

>Live alone doing my own thing
>No need for friends
>Keep family an arm's length apart by keeping in touch via internet and sometimes phone
>Notice that there's always drama
>Someone's always miserable
>"life sucks"
>"This person did thing that makes me unhappy"
>"What's the drama about now?"
Holy fuck I hate to just basically abandon my family the way I have been but there's no fucking way I'm going to get involved in this shit. If someone wants to be unhappy all the time then so be it. They aren't dragging me down with them.

I am not a saint, but I am not a bad person, but a good one.

I am not a saint, but I am not a bad person, but a good one.
God is fair and has given me what I fought all my life even though there was no strong evidence it existed.
It is a hack for reality which allows anybody to break all his limits.
It is magical and not, as nothing makes more sense than it.
I need to talk to the pope, as he might not understand it, as he might not be convinced and I will have to explain him.
This hack, is a method, which allows us to do everything by allowing us to understand everything, which we can't.
It was encrypted in the bible and in our world.
It is the translation.

It answers every question.
Of thoughts to reality, of abstraction through reality. Of knowledge to understanding.
This method reveals we cannot understand things the way we think we can. It reveals that the problem of the world is
"people don't understand that they don't understand",
they try to understand faith through science and fail to understand that one needs both to get there and other things too, cause science and faith enough are not enough.
The method
Can't be understood through pure logic, but can't be reached without it.
Through this method we can understand God, but not applying it to understand him won't give us an answer.
As i said, it is a method.
I am still practicing to master it.
If you doubt me there is an easy system that works in Religion or so I believe, give me a task for a miracle and I will achieve it through you. And if that task doesn't convinces you... I ll convince you without doing anything, and if none are the answer I will get my objective by using the method.
This sentence is outside of divine inspiration, but as a human, my advice to you "It is a free wish, for doing the right thing, which is nothing more than passing the information to the pope, have some faith of the size of a mustard seed and just do the minimum to get this to the right hands"
Please don't let anyone find me, this is a request from the human that writes, the pope can't know who I am nor anyone else. I want to keep my life, I already did my part.
And remember God is omnipotent so he can write without writing and without being heard, and without being seen, but God can only be heard by the good as this is the trick to keep the dangerous knowledge away from the evil.
Only the pope can see this message, because the evil will try to find me, and will destroy the world through partial understanding.
Requirements for the wish:
As I am a human using the method I the following things will amke my task easier.
Write me who you are, if you know, if not the

story of your life.
Give me an example of something you did that contradicts who you are.
With that is enough I will know who you are, what you want, what will convince you and my gift to you will have those three properties.
"Thanks for being good" sounds like God
"Don't fuck it up" the physical author

>>18327470
>>18327466
>>18327465
>>18327456
Is this Mentally Ill General??

story of your life.
Give me an example of something you did that contradicts who you are.
With that is enough I will know who you are, what you want, what will convince you and my gift to you will have those three properties.

"Thanks for being good" sounds like God
"Don't fuck it up" the physical author

Make this shit viral and the world will be saved, lol sounds like that guy already.

God, I'm just so sorry I'm like this. I should not be thinking about this at all at my age, but literally no one else will ever fill this void, so please don't bother to tell me to find my own happiness, because there really isn't any. I just want you to know that it slowly kills part of me knowing that I missed out, there was nothing I could do to find you in time, and it wasn't even my fault. Maybe it's something I see in you and the others that makes me so depressed I'll never find myself with you, maybe it's regression or something, it could just be me trying to cope. I can't have these thoughts, you don't deserve to be poured over by a disgusting , hollow waste of life like myself. You and them deserve happiness more than anyone. I should just forget about you, because It'll kill me when you finally leave, and nothing can stop time. Just please don't pity me.

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I've been told I'm very attractive by lots of people and have a great body, but why is it that I feel now that they were just joking?
I read about how guys flock girls who are attractive but none talk to me IRL. It probably sounds lame but I dress up every time I leave the house in hopes I'll meet a cute guy that I'll end up marrying. But I don't. I try talk to some but end up getting ignored eventually.
I've had 3 LDRs and I'm 22, I guess I'm clueless when it comes to flirting and maybe that shows? Idk. I'm fed up with not getting cuddles.

>>18324219
I still don't know why you're so angry. You are being unreasonable (and harsh) with this request. Don't you think I deserve to come here and vent as much as you do? Weren't you the one always trying to see good in others? Well, I'm this close to giving up to seeing it in you.

Anyway, I'll continue coming here. You can either act your age and ignore it or you can go on complaining. Makes no difference to me.

>>18322396
Lool, awesome

I'm not a good person
Ask anyone who knows me
I'm mean and bitter
And a failure at everything that I say I believe

I'm not a good person
Ask anyone who loves me
I never write, I never call
I never think about anyone at all

I'm not a good person
No matter what I do
My exhaustion will consume me
And I'm too tired for the truth

I'm not a good person
I'm sure you're not surprised
It must be pouring out my sweat glands
It must be someplace in my eyes

I don't know why I am this way
I've been like this since I can remember
I try to keep up with everything I know I should do
But then I'll fall to pieces anyway

I don't know why I am this way
I'm not a good person, not even to you
I'm staying home because I can't stand the sound
Of another heartbeat in the room

I'm not a good person
Fuck it, you know it's true
I'm lazy, I'm a coward
I'm asleep all day in my room

I don't know why I am this way
I've been like this since I can remember
I try to keep up with everything I know I should do
But then I'll fall to pieces anyway

I don't know why I am this way

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I'm into this girl, we've been talking a long time now. We seem to like each other.

She lives too far for me to visit her everyday and its killing me.

I want to ask her out but afraid she'll reject me because of the distance. Can't move in closer because college for me and work for her.

mfw its the first girl that ever showed any interest in me and I may have to let her go soon...

>>18327543
This has been bothering me for a while... My initial is J - I go by W now - if you are someone I've known in the past please know that's not me aggressively projecting onto you. If this is just my anxiety/paranoia, please ignore this awkward post.

Thank you.

//

>>18324219
May I be so bold to make a suggestion? Try hiding posts that you don't like then wait 5 minutes after you've hidden the post offering yourself time to cool down by taking some deep breaths. It helps. I don't know why, but it does. I've noticed you have have a lot of anger behind your words and how you're expressing it is counter productive. Recognize it to allow yourself control and willpower to not engage in things that bother you that badly. Keep in mind that many people frequent this board and some post something that may relate to your situation and leave to never check up on a response leaving other's to reply for shits and giggles. You aren't the God/Goddess of the board or thread, be respectful to others and to yourself - this is 4chan and I'm aware of shitposters - but people may be more willing to help you out in the future if you're more level-headed. I mean no offense and good luck.

>>18327543
Wasn't me. I don't come here after you found my venting post again. I went to another board so you don't see them anymore. I only came here because you emailed me again and I was confused. I won't be responding, no hard feelings but good luck out there.

>>18327644
Hey. No, I'm T. Don't worry, we've all projected. It happens. It'll get better, hang in there, brother.

>>18327662
Alright, I'm glad that wasn't you. If that wasn't you, my apologies. You know how my blood boils.
So straight to phase two of the deal.
Happy birthday, Alexis. It's a tad early but I won't have another chance at this. Be safe and happy.

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>>18327663
Thanks for responding I feel relieved haha. Sorry to hear about your troubles, Kamerad. B-Brother? I'm a femanon

>>18327662
Oh yeah and about
>or maybe she had help from someone else
from one of your posts early on in the thread. This was one of the many reasons I stopped feeling close to you. You never thought I could have my own ideas or whatever, and often when I spoke you'd say shit like "who put that idea into your head?" like I'm incapable of independent thought. It's insulting and belittling but I guess it doesn't matter now, we're strangers like you said.

I never wanted back in your life so you telling me to "get the fuck out" of yours after I broke up with you and haven't talked to you even after you keep emailing me is pretty weird of you hombre. I highly doubt we'll ever "run into each other" as we live in different hemispheres, and if you move to my country and state and city, it will say a lot about you. Unless you meant in the online world, which is also unlikely. Sayonara.

>>18327681
I suppose you're right with your first point.

As for the second, iirc I was the one who cut contact through whatsapp, eventually you caught on and distanced yourself. Doesn't matter.
I'm still going for Cincy, that was my original plan, you bailing makes no difference there.

>>18327679
Fine. Sis.

>>18327679
Great anime of choice, by the way.

>>18327691
I didn't know you cut contact through whatsapp, I deleted it pretty early on.

Anyway, move to cincy if you want. I hope you enjoy it and do well there; I thought you were going to Portugal. I don't live there and probably never will, I like the city I live in now and have others to get to.

Guys, help me please. I'm getting more and more sucked into 2D "waifuism" and I'm starting to dislike having interpersonal relationships. It's impacting how I feel about my bf who wants to marry me in the long run. I kind of feel like being by myself. It's gonna take a few months though considering I don't have a car yet/am living with him. What the fuck do I do?
I wish I could get past this and just stay here and live a good life. But it's bothering me. What the fuck do?

>>18327720
Do you find yourself frequently watching anime more than shows that cast real people? Are you into hentai more than porn with human actors?

Stupid bus, how much longer will you take?

>>18321981
>>18321981
I tought you were the one, on the chart you were perfect, my 10/10. There was feeling between us and you started dragging me towards you. Why did you reject me at the end? Were you making fun of me? I dont think so. Then why? I cant bare to go to work everyday and see you at school at the other side of the street, but its even worse when I cant see you.


wew lads, guess Im gonna drink my way to sleep another time

>>18327718
Portugal is still on the table. It's the easiest way out. But my goal is still Cincy, although I got a really high score for a canadian visa, so maybe..
As you can see, nothing is set in stone.

Thank you for your wishes, I wish you all the best too. Take care, A. I'm going to go for now, so no need to reply to this post.
And for the last time(for realsies this time), sorry for all the hardships I put you through.

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>>18327727
Take care.

>>18321981
every once in a while, when the stress and angst bottle up too much, I can start to feel subconscious split into separate entities. The superego starts running the show, and the aspects of self I most apply to the person I try to be clueless into a subservient dormant mind. The superego berates him violently, mostly claiming he is too weak and submissive to carry "us" through the path we seek.
And sometimes, I wish I could just be that asshole that represents what I want to be all the time. But I also fear that someday I might not be forced to.

>>18327722
Yes.

I'm chatting these 2 girls up right now. One is close and the other is a bit too far.
I like the one thats far away more, but I'm not sure if it's gonna work out...the one thats closer is cool too but I can't possibly ask that one out knowing I like the other one more and it confuses me, I don't know what to do.

On one had its nice talking to those girls but on the other its stressful as fuck knowing that the one I like may never even see me irl...

long distance relationships never work do they? like I don't even have a chance right?

>>18327746
Stop watching it because it's turning into an unhealthy obsession. Other than quitting cold turkey there's not much else to do.

I thought you said you don't like long distance relationship, but now you're with an American girl, and I'm here in Britain not so far away from you.
Fuck you, Ell,
fuck you and all those mind games you've played. I bet you just want sex and thank god we didn't sleep together.

have fun fucking your bitch in the US

>>18327731
Yeah. You too.

so like, I'm a spawn of satan or some shit I don't know I'm tired of this shit I want to go home

Seriously though, am I really Hitler?

Do you have any idea what it's like knowing you have no future? Knowing that you will be just a burden to the person you are with?

Why would anyone want to be with me longterm knowing that I'll be unable to take even care of myself in 10 years?

>>18327856
Penny for your thoughts

I am going to close 4chan and go to sleep.

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Goodbye.

>>18327783
It's a little more complicated than that. I just feel like I'd be happier without being tied down and always in the presence of someone else (real) and I can't believe this is the way I found out.

>ghost oneitis for months
>treat her like shit
>feel like shit in those months
>recently take her back
>she always texts constantly and always asks me to hang out
>even flirting with me like the good ol days
>she really cares about me
>feel even worse about myself more than ever

Isn't this what I wanted? I missed the fuck out of her but now she's back and I feel even worse about myself.

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>>18327966
Dude... why were you ghosting her in the first place?

>>18328007
I got way too attached to her, she would fuck other guys. Like she can do what she wants but i got really jealous. She also rejected me many times but she would still let me do things to her. We are very compatible with each other but were not the most stable people, ya feel me? Even after treating her like shit and I still continue to do so, she still wants me around.

>>18326947
Certainly not

it's too late for running my heart chin up if the tears start to fall

When things are up shit creek, she always swears to do better...only to undo any progress made so she can cry victim and loser again. I'm so tired. I'm wasting away my youth trying to improve the life of someone who clearly enjoys living in failure. Even worse is that I've thought of her so long I don't even know what to do for myself. Any time I've tried to place myself first I had to help her instead.

But now it's getting ridiculous. She bitched about wanting help. Then denied it when I offered. Said she wanted to work in tandem with me when I said I would leave. Only to feel good that we weren't immediately fucked and throw our plans out the window anyway. This time, *I* have to pay for it and she gives absolutely no fucks. I've gotten no apologies or any words. What the fuck? I only took this physically taxing job for quick cash. I can't do it permanently with my body hurting everyday and back seizing every week. And she gives no fucks. 80% of my life dedicated to her and she can't spare 1% of thought for my happiness and wellbeing. It's honestly lonely and heartbreaking.

I keep having weird intrusive thoughts about having a really nasty breakup with my boyfriend. It's becoming frequent to the point where I have to ask myself if I'm only with him so I have an excuse to be sad. I don't know if I'm with him because I truly feel for him or if I just conditioned myself into becoming attached to him so that I could feel the pain that may come after, like some convoluted form of self-harm. A moth to a flame.
I don't know if I'm just curious about that sort of emotional pain and that's why I keep thinking these things, or if it's just my subconscious priming me for an impending breakup and the suffering that will come after in order to cushion the fall (the logic would be "See? You saw this coming. In fact, you wanted it. You manipulated the situation in order to victimize yourself. That means this pain isn't valid. Because it's not valid, it doesn't exist. You're okay."), or what. It's peculiar, and kind of uncomfortable.

Gettin reeeaaallll sick of this. All of your "Ya just gotta be yourself, don't let anyone get ya down, live life the way you want to! Just go out and do it!!!!" bullshit.

How, exactly, can I do any of that while you keep me prisoner? Isolated from the world? Lying to me?

Even worse, the thing I want to do is to be able to take my fucking medication (adderall IR20mg) and you guys won't let me.

So... I guess what you mean is "Live life the way you want to... as long as it's the way we allow."

Do you people really think I'm just going to suddenly not be depressed? That I'm suddenly going to have energy to do anything? I know you have a hardon for blaming everything on drugs but get real for a fucking minute here. I had absolutely NO ENERGY AT FUCKING ALL to do anything before I touched any kind of medication (be it opiates, anti-depressants, stimulants, whatever). I started taking opiates because I was tired of being bored out of my mind and feeling suicidal all the fucking time.

So you take away the meds, you will fix nothing. I will be even more miserable than I currently am and tired as fuck all the fucking time like I always have been for my entire life. What is your plan to fix this? What do you have planned to magically make me not depressed as fuck and to give me energy to actually want to go outside?

>>18328362
The reason why I stick to this subject so fucking much is because I'm terrified of living without drugs. I'm terrified of living life the way before.

Taking away drugs is basically dooming me to a life of feeling miserable all the fucking time. You're dooming me to a life of no joy, no pleasure, no energy, and absolute boredom.

Do you assholes fucking understand that? Do you understand that feeling nothing is my normal? Drugs are literally the only way I could ever feel pleasure, happiness, joy, and content with life. Without them I am miserable, tired, sad, and hate living.

The only downside to drugs is worrying about getting more and that's it. If I didn't have that stress I would be able to live happily. I wouldn't mind going out and doing things.

You are approaching this drug "problem" is if I had a normally functioning brain. A brain that produces the happy chemicals, pleasure, joy, and the like. For a normal brain... yeah, drugs are bad or whatever. For me, drugs are a life saver.

Why the fuck can't you guys understand that?

You also ignore the fact I was in shitty relationships for the last 12 years of my life. When I was with R, every other day she would put me down and make me feel like shit. Every time I would feel like I was making progress, she would do something that hurt me deeply.

If I was in a loving relationship, and had enough meds to keep my mind focused, give me energy and motivation... I would be happy. Why are you so fucking against me taking drugs? Medications? If I had a loving relationship... I would feel better but I would still not feel joy in any activities. I still would just be tired all the fucking time. Which brings up all kinds of problems in relationships. No one wants to be with a person that has no energy to do anything.

I miss you

>>18328462
I wonder if anyone in my past misses me.

I wonder if they are even alive.

I wonder when this game will be over.

I wonder if I'll be alive to see it be over.

>>18325525
How I feel, the post

Just tell me if you want to be with me or not. I'm tired of this, it hurts so bad.

I'm sorry for falsely accusing you of having a gun while we were in elementary school, even if you ended up actually having one.
Even though you bullied me, I think I went too far. There's no excuse for what I did. This has been bugging me for 7 years now, and from the bottom of my heart I apologize.

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>>18328462
Feefees engaged.

I miss you but it's to scarred for this to work again. We had a nice run. Time for an new chapter, my love.

Once yours.
Your special girl.

I'll play PS3. Oh... these are my ex's games (I bought the console from him). Oh look... the games I gave him as christmas presents. That he never beat. Now I'm sad.

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I like the people I work with. I like being in the tech field. I'm not the best programmer, but I try.

I hate how much of a meat-grinder the industry is.

Computers are magic to clients, managers, and top level leaders. The people in the trenches are smart, but it often comes with an inherent arrogance and inability to communicate, which further destroys any chances of a trusting relationship with those in charge. When a programmer says something will take longer than first estimated (because all estimates are shit, but treated as scripture anyways) or literally impossible within the current framework or physical hardware, they are ignored. I've seen senior directors who have been at the company for years be ignored because "Well, you have to realize we have clients and that this is a business, so we need you to come up with a solution..."

We bend over backwards for clients because they've learned that they can threaten to leave and get anything they want.
We're not focused on expanding, we're focused on retention. But only client retention. The turnover rate here is atrocious.

Every day something goes up in flames because we are understaffed, our code is outdated, and our management is nonexistent beyond the team level.
Our company would rather put a new look on the front-end and chase trends that are five-to-ten years out of date than trust the people who have to deal with the code every day.
Sending our sales reps on paid vacations for simply meeting quotas is more important than hiring more developers, so that the current ones don't have to work unpaid overtime on weekends.
Never mind the fact that they flat out lie to customers, selling them shit that doesn't exist, and then coming back to the office for an end-of-the month party while devs get saddled with the umpteenth new project, which is the new number one priority because "We sold it to the customer!"

/rant

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>>18328472
Glad to not be alone then..

I'm a grown ass man and I'm afraid of lightening. I've lived at the top of a mountain, in the middle of an open plain, in a city where the storms were so intense you see the lightening streak across the whole fucking sky, been bear a lightening strike - I should be used to this. I have tried to get used to it, sometimes even got myself calm.
Still goddamned afraid though. I still need work.