gf freaking out over nothing

>>18321734
now im not saying this to worry you, but when a woman is thinking something, she usually assumes you're thinking it too and either projects, or gets mad at you for it.
she might be wanting out. just telling you for your own good.

>>18321734
>she will be going to her mother for a week
WTF? I've been with the same woman for 10 years and we have argued but neither of us take off for a week. Sounds like you are being punished or she's got a side guy in orbit and looking for an argument so she can be free to do whatever.

>>18321734
I have this problem sometimes with my flatmates. Apparently there's just no good way to say "I don't feel like talking right now" without coming off as an asshole.

>when a woman is thinking something, she usually assumes you're thinking it too and either projects, or gets mad at you for it.

You know, you are describing my exact thoughts. I often tell her that I am not a mind reader and that if she has a problem with me, she has to speak up. She also gets frustrated when she is explaining something to me and I do not get it straight away. She tells me to 'pick a subject' for conversation, but that is only a way for her to disguise the fact that she has nothing interesting to tell. I told her today that it takes two people to have a decent conversation and that if she wants to talk about something, she should just do so. But she will not have any of it. Clearly, I am at fault.

>18321764

I find your post quite funny, because the first thing I said to her after her words was 'Why are you punishing me? Is it because of me being quiet?' If I understand her correctly, I am not paying attention to her. Which could be true, since I am busy working. Perhaps she fails to understand how demanding work is, since she never worked a day in her life (minus 3 weeks at a bistro). I often think she has a warped sense of reality, given that she is 26 and lived at home for 25 years.

>>18321777
>I am not paying attention to her.
OP this is the kiss of death of your relationship and means she is going to find someone that will make her the center of their universe, impossible as that is, but it will make her feel good for awhile.

>>18321777
>since she never worked a day in her life
>given that she is 26 and lived at home for 25 years.

Is she disabled or something?

>>18321734
>It feels like I am walking on eggs all day.
leave.

>18321814

She is not the cheating type, because of her mental scars that her cheating mother left her.

>18321837

Haha, no. That would explain a lot, wouldn't it? Like I said, she might a warped sense of reality. She has no friends, besides mine. Her own two friends buggered off years ago and she failed to make new ones. I explained to her that it isn't healthy and she should join a club or something. Today, she also criticized me for the way I talk to people. All I could think of was 'you don't have any friends, how on earth do you think you have the right to judge me on how I talk to people?' Sure, you might be doing a communications/hr degree, but come on.

You might be wondering what I see in her. She can cook and clean. She is caring and she would be a wonderful woman. But, gosh, is she a weirdo in some respects.

>>18321852

I meant egg shells. English is not my native tongue. :^)

>>18321869
>reads this
please OP just dump, you have yourself a crazy.

>>18321873
I know what you meant, that's why I said to leave the relationship
if you can't have a proper discussion with her, and you walk on eggshells, leave.

>>18321734

I know how it feels like to walk on boiled eggs its weird sensation . I am happy for you bro keep the egg white gainz

>>18321882

And 8 years down the drain? No way, I want to fix it, if possible.

>>18321869
>Haha, no. That would explain a lot, wouldn't it? Like I said, she might a warped sense of reality. She has no friends, besides mine. Her own two friends buggered off years ago and she failed to make new ones. I explained to her that it isn't healthy and she should join a club or something. Today, she also criticized me for the way I talk to people. All I could think of was 'you don't have any friends, how on earth do you think you have the right to judge me on how I talk to people?' Sure, you might be doing a communications/hr degree, but come on.

Wait so what the fuck has she been doing for the past 8 years? Honestly, she sounds like one of those shy/introverted and sheltered types, who have typical womanish expectations of men, but are completely lacking in communication skills. In other words, they seriously expect you to read their minds and get mad when you don't. I think >>18321747 might be somewhat right. Has she been doing this sort of stuff a lot lately?

>>18321734
she's cheating on you
I hate telling people this but no one ever tells the truth

File: 1494812380921.png (170KB, 456x396px) Image search: [Google]

170KB, 456x396px

That's how it went down with my best friend and her gf at least.

>>18321943
>Honestly, she sounds like one of those shy/introverted and sheltered types, who have typical womanish expectations of men, but are completely lacking in communication skills. In other words, they seriously expect you to read their minds and get mad when you don't.

You accurately describe her. It's more something of the last two years. I guess she is unhappy with her life and I am her outlet. I suspect she has depression, that's why I also told her to see a psychologist. Her mother is the controlling type and ruined her. She had a year of delay because of 'failure anxiety' (translation?), literally lied to my face for two months on her study progress. Lied to me about losing weight, when she clearly wasn't. I recently found a box of chocolates in her sportbag (what a cliché). When I confronted her, she told me she uses it to calm down after we have an argument.

Meanwhile, my life is going great. Finished university, job hunting, doing volunteerwork.

Perhaps we have outgrown each other...

>>18321946

And no man wants to believe it is true.

Oh wow, you got yourself a winner there OP. There have to be some major changes in your relationship or you'll have to put up with this kind of shit until you break up (or one of you dies).

>what did I do wrong?
Now I don't know your history but most likely you put up with this crazy behavior so far and you enabled her. Also the fact that you're wondering what YOU did wrong when it's obviously 100% her fault is pretty worrying.

>What should I do?
If I were you I'd break up. People with this kind of issues are pretty hard to fix and it's usually not worth trying to do so. But I know this isn't the advice you're looking for so

You have to correct her behavior. You have to make her understand that she's in the wrong and that she shouldn't act like that. Every time she does something like that call her out of it and explain why what she's doing is not OK. If she starts arguing or contradicts you listen to what she has to say, but if she's just calling you names and doesn't actually have anything constructive to say call her out on it again. And if she doesn't stop tell her you're not going to listen to her rambles and ignore her.

For instance in the situation you're talking about you should've stop your work when you noticed that she's being passive aggressive and explain that you have a job to do, you need to concentrate and you can't always be in the mood for chit-chat especially when trying to work. Being allowed to work and having a few moments for yourself is a very reasonable request and if she can't even give you that then you can't be in a relationship with her.

You have to be brutally honest with these things, don't try to spare her feelings. It's because you spared her feelings that you ended in this situation. But this doesn't mean you should be cold towards her. Be warm and treat her well, but when she does this kind of thing, when she attacks you or is passive-aggressive for no reason call her out on it and don't hold back.

>>18321925
This is the wrong kind of thinking and dangerous. You can't think of something like "I've spent so much time and effort on this, I can't abandon it!" You simply need to look at the future and nothing else.

Will you be happier with or without her in the future? That is the one and only thing that matters. How many years you have been together is irrelevant. It's in the past, it's done, nothing can change it.

>>18321999

I know the dangers of sunken cost fallacy and you are right to warn me. I honestly believe that my future would be better with her (if she turns around), though.

>>18321992

Thank you and others for the detailed advice.

Indeed, I have to be straight with her. I also have to force her with doing new things. I think about doing the following:

1. No longer work at home. I can work anywhere I want, so it makes sense to do it somewhere where she perceives it as me 'working'. I should spent more time outside anyway.

2. Make her get a job/do volunteerwork/join a club. Anything to get her out of the house and meet new people.

3. Schedule regular times with her. Try to spend an hour in each other's company a day without anything to distract us (no phone or laptop).

Are these good ideas?

>>18322029
It's a good thing you understood I was talking about sunk costs. That leads me to believe that you will, in fact, be able to handle this correctly. Being able to detach your emotions and think logically about what the possible future holds is the correct answer, and I'm glad to see this seems to be exactly what you're doing.