boyfriend lies too much

>>18320864
You're asking us to tell you how you can learn to trust someone who is an excessive and unrepentant liar. I want you and your self-esteem to think about that for a minute.

I have the same issue right now, except my Gf is the one doing this shit. I'm on the verge of dumping her. Pretty sure she's cheating on me.

>>18320867
I know. </3 It sounds really stupid. But I love him to pieces and I want to believe that he can change... He's a great guy, other than the compulsive lying (obviously). He keeps telling me that he's gotten better and he's starting to be more honest with me. It's so hard for me to trust him when he says these things, but I want to believe him. I want our relationship to improve. I saw a future with him at one point, but it's starting to dissolve because how could I settle down with someone so dishonest?

>>18320868
Probably an emotional affair anon and shes sorting thru her feelings. Yeah dump her right now. Fuck that.

>>18320871
>how could I settle down with someone so dishonest
You can't. You'll be forever on edge.

>>18320868
That's awful :/
I hope it turns out that she's not cheating on you. I don't think my boyfriend is cheating on me, he wouldn't be the type of person to do that. Granted, he most definitely looks at camgirls and nudey ladies on 4Chan and Reddit (another thing he's lying to me about hahahaha) but I honestly have no problem with that, just wish he'd straight up tell me. As long as he still has sex with me and finds me attractive, I don't care what he does online. I just wish he'd be honest with me when I ask him about it.

>>18320864
Does he keep his phone face down on the table? SIKE, HE'S CHEATING!

>>18320882
Well, what I learned from my Gf now is that you never trully know the person. You think you do, but you don't.

>>18320884
Hahaha that's so silly. I respect his privacy. If he doesn't want to show me what he's looking at or who he's texting that's fine. I'm like 99% sure he only messages his friends anyway, and he only has two friends (two dudes).

>>18320887
You deserve better. Know your worth <3

>>18320888
you sound very condescending

what if he really is cheating or if he's a drug dealer

verification is the highest form of trust, like that paranoid jewkike stalin said

>>18320890
Oh, apologies. I didn't mean to come across condescending at all.

I've known my boyfriend for 6 years and I know all of his friends. He doesn't have any female friends (I'm not stopping him btw, he just doesn't have any).

I've never been worried about him cheating on me, he's really not the type of person to do that. Besides, I'm his first and only girlfriend, it took him long enough to ask me out. He's not very confident with women.

>>18320891
You're speaking very matter-of-factly about someone you admit lies to you all the time, who lies to you about where he is and what he's doing, and who you've very lax about keeping tabs on.

>>18320894
I don't understand what's wrong with the way I'm speaking? How am I supposed to sound?

>>18320864
explain this to me, OP - what in the world can make a person worth lovving, if they are doing the shit you described here? why is he so damn special?

>>18320895
You are incredibly dense. I am saying that your boyfriend is a pathological liar and you don't keep tabs on him. You say he's not cheating on you and you're his first and only, but you have absolutely no reason to be sure of that.

>>18320894
Yes this confuses me as well.

>HES SUCH A LIAR OMG
>but i know him like 100%

You're not telling us something, female.

Also, how is a guy who doesn't have any female friends and who isn't very confident with women attractive? Are you sure it's not just you who's projecting this paranoia onto him? If I were a female in your position I'd deffo cheat. Plus you're near the 7-year itch.

>>18320864
>always lie
>always get caught with your lies
>require the others to always trust you
sure, seems perfectly reasonable and all

OP, you're dating a child.
how old are you, btw?

>>18320904
>7-year itch
?
I thought it's about the 4th year that you either leave or stay with someone forever
(not OP BTW)

>>18320896
My friends ask me this all the time and it's really hard to answer because I'm not entirely sure. I think it's the history we have and the bond we share. He's my best friend first and foremost. We're so comfortable with each other, we can act goofy and gross together, we make each other laugh until it hurts, play video games and watch movies, just hanging out like best friends, but then there's the bonus of sex and other intimate stuff. It's amazing.

It's the bond we have that's so hard to let go of. I've tried breaking up with him countless times in the past.. but I keep going back to him because I miss him. I don't know how to stop myself. :(

>>18320909
>I've tried breaking up with him countless times in the past.. but I keep going back to him

Now tell us how many dicks you've sucked in-between :)

>>18320909
um, ok, so what is he lying abot exactly?
and exactly how often?

>>18320911
zero, obviously. Otherwise she would be able to see the world beside some mentally retarded guy, who never changes

Why am I getting vibes that op is not the sharpest tool in the shed?

>>18320912
She said he "looks" at camgirls and nudes on 4chan and plebbit. Guaranteed he faps to them and probably has a few 4chan-tier fetishes like braaap, interracial cucking and something disgusting which he's too ashamed to admit is consuming his life.

>>18320914
Maybe he works and is a stable betabux provider? Have you never heard of the alpha fux beta bux meme?

>>18320909
You don't miss him, you miss being in a relationship at all. You keep going back to him not because of your sacred and special bond but because you're terrified of being alone. You put up with his lying and outbursts because you're fucking weak. Grow a damn spine and do what you already know needs to be done.

>>18320920
But they're both weak and spineless.

OP are you a fattie?

>>18320919
not really, enlighten me please

>>18320904
We've known each other since we were 14, we were practically kids. I knew his friends and he knew mine because we had the same group of friends, that's how we were introduced. He was single when I met him. He said he "kinda" had a girlfriend but not really, she would come over to his house but he'd basically ignore her to play his playstation. He wasn't really into her, she was the one who said "we're dating" and he went along with it. She broke up with him in a very short space of time. I think they dated for a month lol we were all just kids back then. I completely forgot she even existed because it was so insignificant. Him and I started dating a year later (15 years old). He's 21 now and I'm 22. In all the time I've known him, I've never caught him doing anything suspicious with another girl. I mean, if he's cheated on me he's done a fantastic job at hiding it. My investigation skills are on point tho. I usually find out everything and call him out on his lying (with screenshots and proof hahaha).

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>>18320927

>>18320929
>(with screenshots and proof hahaha).
>hahaha
I'm done here. It's beside pointless at this point. I'm leaving

>>18320929
post screenshots

OP, talk to him. Lay out your criteria for a relationship. I don't think you have unreasonable criteria, try not to be vague though. Explain what's bothering you. If he doesn't wish to adhere to your criteria, move on.

>>18320926
Ahahahaha no I'm not a fattie. I workout like a muthafucka and I eat really healthy. I'm pretty confident in my looks too. I'm not scared of being alone. I know I could date someone else if I wanted to, I'm attractive enough to find someone else, but I don't want to. Why is it so hard for people to believe that I want to try and improve my relationship and make things right? I genuinely really do love my boyfriend.

>>18320932
oh my jeez

>>18320939
You genuinely really do love a liar.

>>18320929
>I usually find out everything and call him out on his lying (with screenshots and proof hahaha).
>I don't want to turn into a psycho paranoid girlfriend

One of these things isn't true.

>>18320945
still w8ing for them screens

>>18320938
Yay~ friendly, constructive advice. <3 Thank you anon.

>>18320951
>comes to 4chan expecting friendly, constructive advice

do you know how this board is advertised in the banners? with a screenshot of a thread where OP asks for advice, everyone tells them to kill themselves and OP flipping their shit "STOP TELLING ME TO KILL MYSELF YOU F*CKS"

hillarious shit. shame i can't find it.

>>18320871
>I want to believe that he can change...

He's only going to change if he wants to. Have you seen any motivation or drive in him to get better?

Stop being a fixer. You can't change people.

>>18320943
I don't love him because he's a liar. I love him. If he wasn't a liar our relationship would obviously be so much better. There's nothing else wrong with him except for the fact he's a compulsive liar. That's basically it.

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>>18320955
This isn't it, but it's similar enough to get your point across. Welcome to /adv/ OP, enjoy deluding yourself into trying to salvage an abusive relationship and all the pain it's going to cause you, you fucking deserve it.

>>18320864
>he's really annoyed that I don't believe him.

Yeah, that's not something you get to do after lying. You shouldn't apologize for shit, because it's his problem, not yours.

you are not supposed to trust a liar girl
i know hes really handsome but it will bite you in the ass you wont like it

>>18320957
Yeah, I mean he does try. But sometimes he falls back into the same old habits. I don't react badly to it though because I don't want him to be scared to tell me that he lied or fucked up. Reacting poorly to his fuck ups is just going to resort to more lying and hiding shit from me.

So I tell him it's okay, I tell him that everyone fucks up and makes mistakes, don't worry about it, etc.

I told him if he doesn't want to change his ways that's fine, because I don't want to change him if he doesn't want to. But I also said that we need to break up and see other people if he's going to continue being that way because I can't date someone who lies all the time. He thought that was a terrible idea and says he genuinely wants to change for me, so we can keep working at the relationship. Im known for giving people lots of chances. Im not a bitch. We're human and we fuck up. I like giving people the opportunity to change and better themselves (if that's what they want too). Im not forcing him to change. Him wanting to better himself was his decision.

>>18320915
This is way beyond that. The shed she's in is on fire and she's screaming for someone to grab that can of petrol and use it to put out the flames.

>>18320976
Him not bettering himself despite all this and continuing to lie was also his decision.

>>18320981
True. :/
Man, love sucks. Feelings suck.

>>18320976
Trying doesn't really mean anything. Actually doing stuff does. Trying to not lie means he's still lying.

No one is saying that he's expected to be perfect. But when you keep making the same mistake again, and again, and again, it's not a mistake any more.

>>18320998
Yeah I thought about this too and I totally agree. When he says "I'll try not to lie, I'll try to be better", I wish he'd say "I'm not going to lie anymore" instead.

>>18320864
So you can't take a hint on the situations involved?

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST OP just get in touch with him right now, tell him what you want/don't want from a relationship and fucking part ways if he doesn't deliver. Let him know it's serious. Stop being enabling him and deluding yourself.

>>18321001
it doesnt matter he says, it matters what hes doing
it seems you are just clinging on this guy and by this, he allows himself doing whatever he wants
there are no consequences of his actions

>>18321001
Personally, I'd want him to just stop lying and not have to say anything.

>>18321022
but it's not serious. She is not serious and she can't change it, for she's too weak and scared.
No amount of serious talking will change shit in this situation

Dude, NOT LYING isn't something you need to *try* not to do, it's something you just fucking ... don't do. It's not an addiction he needs to beat. It's not a "bad habit." He's not an alcoholic trying to stop drinking. It's just a pointless, shitty thing that he's choosing consistently to do, and you're letting him. I'd only accept "I'll try to stop lying" from somebody with an actual personality disorder, but if he has one, he needs to see a professional, and not just "work on it" by himself.

From what you've said, I'd call it a virtual fucking certainty that he wouldn't EVER have resolved to stop lying if you hadn't caught him (repeatedly) and frankly that doesn't speak well at all to the chances of him actually stopping. It's much more likely he'll continue doing it and just be more careful about covering it up -- maybe he'll limit himself to only lying about the stuff that actually matters. Is that even an improvement?

>>18320879
My ex-husbands lying was one of the most significant reasons why I left him. We've gotten into arguments where I knew he was lying and he would still stand his ground. Even if I had proof.
Trust me. If it hasn't gotten better by now, it's not going to get better anytime soon. And by staying you really are compromising your own mental health.

>>18320864
are you that french girl who slept with 40 guys?

>>18320932
my internet is slow and it only loads the image pass the line 40 female and I already closed the image since clearly I'm looking at trash.

I had to dump my ex for lying.

Caught her doing shit online, she tried to lie about it, I told her to just knock it the fuck out and that I didn't want excuses, we were pretty early on in the relationship, so I figured she'd knock it off after I told her to.

Well, I was wrong, it continued, escalated, and all she could do was hide and lie even more.

And, then othe than that, it was just the little white lies I'd catch her in.

>get her into Dark Souls
>she's bad at it, but swears she enjoys it
>she gets off work early, asks if she can come over to my place
>i'm like, sure no problem
>she stops by my work, grabs my key from me
>goes home, and we're texting
>says she's going to play some Dark Souls
>I get home
>she's there, being her cute little self that I miss so much even still to this day
>ask her about how she did in Dark Souls
>she says good, died a bunch, and yadda yadda
>I turn on the xbox
>the game I left in the disc drive is still in there
>call her out
>she finally admits to lying, first time I ever got that out of her
>express to her that this is why I'm always having trouble with her
>she says she knows, and understands
>keeps lying to me

I don't get it. She also got caught shoplifting one time from Wal-Mart, which I could never connect dots on, since we're both young and had really good jobs at the time, there was nothing in that store we wouldn't have been able to afford, especially not 'medicine for her dog' like she told me she was stealing.

It still fucks with me, I just wish we could've had a real relationship, and not lies for three years straight.

What sort of lying OP? If he's a pathological liar and it's about stupid random things he doesn't need to lie about, he might need professional help to break the habit.

Is it white lies mostly? Like you ask what he's doing and he says playing a video game when he's really browsing 4chan or something? If someone was abused or just dealt with strict/difficult parents they sometimes get in the habit of making up things. Not sure if that's the case with him or something else.

Relationship counselor might be good anyways. Need to figure out the reason he feels like lying in order for him to stop.