Write letters you'll never send, vent, let it out /adv/.

I asked for space, he harasses me online. He eggs me on, I retaliate. Why can't he just fuck off?

Sometimes I let my anger flow into words and then I hurt people with them.
Then guilt hits like a fucking truck.
I know I had it coming, but shit son. It stings.

Sorry for all the harsh words and for hurting you. I may not be a great person yet, but I'm trying to get better. It just takes a lot of effort and sometimes I slip.

I corrected a split infinitive and missed the lousy image cropping. Any more amateur hour and I will scream.

I'm sorry I never talked to you when I should have. I'm sorry I sometimes avoid waiting for you at the bus stop. I'm sorry to have left you hanging in emotional limbo. I'm sorry if you ever felt taken advantage of. I'm sorry I didn't reveal you my feelings in person. I'm just sorry. For everything. Still love you, though. Perhaps always will.
-N

I thought you were feeling better. It seemed like you were genuinely happy. Then the illusion fell apart. I don't know what to do. You've unknowingly put so much pressure on me to be your everything because I'm the only thing that makes you happy. I'm not going to leave. We're going to get through this together. I just wish I knew what to say to help you.

I'm pissed off. I've been everyone's punching bag all my life and I'm disappointed with who I am.

So I'm playing guitar with a friend and as we play I feel thoughts slip through my mind, I get distracted and I mess up a chord change or I completely stop playing/ I completely stop feeling the music.

Random thoughts completely throw me off my game, be it playing guitar, talking or working. These thoughts aren't innately negative, but I over-analyze them.

I wasn't like this a few months ago. I used to not give a shit, I used to cherry pick only positive vibes, but recently I've given into being negative and unsure.

Life is super busy and hectic, I feel like I'm in a freefall, I cant wait to have some time just to relax. I feel like I could recultivate my positive personality if I had some personal time.

L,
I really fucking want to talk to you.

>>18309395
Then do it.
I'm right here, you know how to reach me. Don't hold back and stop hesitating.

There was a guy in my art class who was talking about how his female drawings look like crossdessers. So my teacher was telling him, you gotta draw them with rounder faces, thick lips, thinner eyebrows... every thing he said was the opposite of how my face looks. He probably noticed my teary eyed face because when he looked at me he said: "But you know, there are many beautiful women who are different!" Okay, thanks teacher...
I wish my face actually looked like a woman's. I wouldn't mind looking like an ugly woman, it's looking like a man that bothers me. I have to look for a hairstyle that hides my masculine features.

>>18309289
I wish you were her. Once she said this to me, but then she left.

>>18309170
Online dating is nothing but a cesspool of toxcity and every woman on it is disrespectful, entitled, and sexist as hell (just assuming all mens are pigs).

Fuck every Bitch online, girls irl are still cool

>>18309413
You never reply, though.

>>18309413
I wish man, I wish.

>>18309427
Im right there with ya man. I've been ghosted countless times despite successful dates.

I was bitter for a short time but Im glad I came to the realization that online dating just brings out the worst in most people, not just females.

Girls are just doing what's sensible; quickly and indiscriminately filter out undesirables to reduce the choice to several top men and decide from there.

The problem is, obviously, that someone can look good on paper but be a complete asshole irl so online dating is awful for girls also because after filtering out the 90%, they are left with megadouches. It's pretty ironic I think.

>>18309419
Post a picture and cut out the eyes. I'm genuinely curious about this.

I lied to myself about loving someone, so indirectly lied to her about it as a consequence and now I'm being resentful towards her for lying to herself about not loving someone else and inadvertently having lied to me as a consequence.

It's not the letting go part that hurts, it's the 'having held onto something that wasn't real'. The funny part is that I can't even find resentment therapeutic, or find solace in blaming her as I know we both fucked up by lying to ourselves.

It's affecting my day to day life and there's no rational solution. I guess an apology would do me some good, but it'll never happen. This too shall pass, I guess.

>>18309170
I finally got a speeding ticket yesterday and fuck I'm so demoralized right now. I know it was all my fault, but fuck my finances are in the shitter. I just finished paying my tuition so I thought I'd finally be able to use my money again but now I have to wait another 2 paychecks to do that because of this fucking speeding ticket

Fucking hell of all the things this ticket is the exacerbating my depression

>>18309459
>I was bitter for a short time but Im glad I came to the realization that online dating just brings out the worst in most people, not just females.

Im glad you pointed this out as I just came to this conclusion recently myself.

Its the only thing thats kept me from losing faith in people, reminding myself that most people arent really like that, it's just the enviornment.

What did i do wrong did you not enjoy it? It was the best date imo, you said you liked it but...
then you didnt write back goddamit why do i fuck everything up, i thought i finally was coming closer to a relationship, guess not well whatever i am the best company fuck everyone this summer will be better alone

>>18309170
E,

I'm glad we met, and you are one of the most amazing people who could have entered my life. I didn't think I could ever be happy or feel at place, but you did all that.

You'll never know how much of a wreck I am, but you made it alright. It' just a shame that it was short-lived, but that's just how shit goes sometimes.

I wish you all the best in the future, but I'm not letting this be the end of the story with us. I think there's something there.

And I just can't get over your cute ass smile of yours.

M

Only reason I'm not ending this with you is because you're having fun on a trip with your school friends and I don't want to ruin that.

Gonna be a shitty week for you come Monday however. I don't want to hurt you but I can't stand bullshit and mindgames anymore. You have a drinking problem as well and I grew up with alcoholics and I don't want to deal with that either.

Hope you found some good dick on your trip and have something to obsess about with your friends, but this whole "I love you"thing you say to me is bullshit and we both know it.

Figure yourself out, learn from your mistakes, and improve on them. I'm realizing that it's you thats the reason you can't find someone solid, not most guys. I'm too decent for you.

i hate seeing my ex having a blast hanging out with old friends and drinking. He just got back from college and i'm still stuck in school for another week. on top of that, i fucked up a relationship i had going for me with a qt boy and now he hates me and never wants to see my face again because i got drunk and said some mean things. tfw no friends at all to hang out with this summer before going to college again. i think i'm having a panic attack right now i need more alcohol

Today I have to meet a bunch of Christians to evaluate together how some retreat we organized a few weeks ago turned out.
It's useless, it's all bullshit. The only time I said anything remotely criticizing or negative I got it shut down and told to calm down like I'm factually wrong. They just want to jerk each other off saying how everything turned out great and how everyone is so great and nice.
They are the most childish people ever, some are also just disgusting and obnoxious. 2 or 3 are okay but I'm not really friends with any of them and they all love each other. They laugh at the dumbest shit and they think I'm dull and boring because I don't find their shit funny.
I really don't want to go and I have some vague excuse. I just know that they will pester me to go and annoy the shit out of me and that it will end in an argument where I might get tired of it and tell them what I really think. They are known for doing pranks and I can already see them harrassing me on the phone for days.
I know this is a non issue, I'm just a bit worried and nervous because I hate confrontation and arguing. Feels good to vent it out.

>>18309485
Yeah exactly

Most girls, and people in general I've talked to irl have been really plesant. This is coming from an antisocial introvert.

I even have several really good female friends. Most people have sort of a front or false persona that is intimidating. But once you get to know them, they're the same as anyone else.

>>18309170
Had an awful break up with an ex who did horrible things to me. Now its over 2 years later, I've been through two relationships, fucked maybe 4 other women. Why cant I stop thinking about the ex that fucked me over? I never want to see her again, so why am I always thinking about talking to her?

I feel like an alien sometimes. I don't know how to interact and connect with people anymore. In middle and high school there were large portions of my life where I just didn't talk to anyone. I went to the library and hid from everyone. Now I'm socially stunted. Everyone is so much more developed when it comes to friendships and intimacy. I can barely look someone in the eye. I ruminate on the things I said and didn't say. It breaks my heart sometimes to realize that I've squandered so many potential connections and relationships.

To M, I'm sorry if you think I'm a creep or if you think I found you annoying. I just do things to hide the fact I like you a lot. You're leaving in two weeks and you're the only reason why I'm excited to go to work. I love your energy and I want to be more like you. You are light years ahead of what I am even though you're a year younger. I feel like a child when I'm around you. You're probably never going to talk to me again but I wish you the best of luck. I wish I didn't push you away.

>>18309170
I'm sometimes worry that i'm not good at communicating with people. Especially with people i like... i feel like i'm too boring or i have nothing really interesting to say.

Dear me,

You know what you need to do. Everyone has told you what you want to hear, but you do nothing with that information.

You're hiding from reality.
Stop. Hiding.

Don't retreat to the back of your mind where it's comfortable to wallow in your sadness and blame anything but yourself for everything that's wrong with you. Don't use people as a crutch to justify your own inaction and worthlessness. Sure, you did something right for once by joining the military, but why did you stop there? Why did you stop moving forwards? I have nothing more to say to you other than you're going to end up killing yourself or living an unfulfilling life if you continue living this way.

-You

Had a dream last night that everyone died their hair white, including myself.

And some fat bitch was gettin on my back about my drugs.

PS. I want to die.

>>18309395
You know, 4chan is anonymous. No harm in talking here. Say what you need to say.

>>18309461
I'd rather not since there's people who know me who post here. But imagine thick black eyebrows (that I pluck the fuck out of), and a long, angular face with no feminine features whatsoever. I'm also very tall. I used to dress with baggy clothes and got mistaken for a guy a bunch of times, even though I had long hair. Now it doesn't happen because I'm clearly female, I dress femininely, wear make up and dye my hair. But I still feel like a man in drag sometimes

I feel like a shadow of the person I used to be. Looking up to your past self is rather depressing.
I miss making people happy.

>>18309719
Well sure enough, but in my situation it's more about wanting to be in contact with one person in particular. It's not like I want to rant or need advice or whatever.
I just kinda miss that person.

I grew up with a mom who was severely bipolar. When she wasn't have an episode, she was a narcissist.

So I had an emotionally volatile childhood and was exposed to the entire spectrum of female emotion in a violent way.

Then I met a girl whom I loved. It was my first relationship and the first time I felt loved.
She ended up leaving me with no explanation or goodbye. She was just gone.

I loved another girl years later but haven't told her. We met in a destructive environment and she rationalized me out of her life to protect herself. I can't blame her, but I do. I'm hurt pretty bad.

Today, I had plans to have brunch/mimosas with a girl I really liked. We've known each other a while and have a fun, flirty dynamic, and she's sweet.

She didn't show up.

I have a lot of internalized emotional pain due to women and I wonder what to do with it.

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Today I talked to my therapist about my cousins and finally admitting to myself that I had actually fallen in love with them.
It was kinda relieving to be able to discuss this with another person without shying around the fact that I had known, but denied myself for all this time. He was quite understanding of my situation.

Ok so ive been talking to a girl for a while and we're like really good friends and ive been getting up the courage to try to take our friendship to the next level. We were just havimg a normal conversation last night and she tells me some shit about being "aromantic towards men" and "all out for girls". Im pretty sure the TL;DR is that shes a lesbian. I dont have any problem with that and she is what she is, it just still hurt a little.

>>18309756
And so the tale of cousins anon finally finds an end.

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>>18309739
I know how you feel. My mother suffered from bipolar disorder too, she never really been part of my life. Coincidentally, my first major crush suffered from bipolar disorder too. Took my first kiss but she turned away before we could start a relationship. Then my second crush was a total slut who turns out to have issues too but found me inadequate. All I have been with were damaged goods with major issues that has ruined my trust in women. Love is cruel.

>>18309735
Well, they might see it here. You never know.

if you do that autistic shit on my birthday I'm going all out on my end. you definitely have it coming and you're aware of that. you wear all the stuff I bought you and you want to be disrespectful and make threats to me on a Mongolian pictograph forum? your threats aren't going to make me call you or text you, if you want negative attention keep shitposting on /pol/, stop egging me on from here when I leave you alone. I know Amy raised you better.

>>18309768
It hasn't ended yet. There are still many unresolved issues around.
I made a series of posts in the last thread musing about this.

>>18309784
That's what I secretly hope for. I have written to him many times before in this threads, but it would be quite a coincidence if he actually would read it.
I for once don't have anything in particular to say. I already poured everything inside me into a post a day or so ago. It's just a lingering feeling I'm left with now. Which will hopefully pass soon, so I can go on living with my life.
Though I know I'll be back here writing to him again in a few months.

Stop being a piece of fucking shit immature manipulator asshole, otherwise I'll bash your fucking head with a frying pan

>>18309833
come do that to me, anon. I'd welcome it.

>>18309820
Have you told him directly? Or are you holding on to this for yourself?

>>18309843
It's been nearly 10 years since I last talked to him and I have no way of contacting him. Don't come me with facebook or something, it's not like I haven't searched there before.

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>>18309798
Fuck it, I'll repost those musings.

I have come to a troubling realization.
Some time ago I started watching Jordan Peterson's lectures and other videos where he talks on youtube, and today one thing which he said struck me, namely the statement about how much of our self image tends to be based on lies we tell ourselves.

My troubling realization relates to me and my cousins, and the relationship I had with them during the time I spent living at my aunts place, and the clash I had with my aunt last year, during which she said that I was a threat to my cousins and made them afraid and anxious, which I took as an accusation of me being a pedophile, and henceforth cut contact with her.

The realization itself is something that I have known for a long time, but kept denying myself, that being the fact that I did, and still do, love those two girls, maybe even romantically, or at least closest to that level of love I have ever been to in my soon to be 24 years of existence. I mean, I even said here that some years ago, but after the clash with my aunt, I buried all of that deep in my head, partially probably because of guilt. If my aunt's accusations were entirely baseless (not that some of her claims weren't total bs, like for example, the girls being anxious and uncomfortable around me bit was total bollocks, as my encounter with them about a month ago proved).

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>>18309857
But still, I guess that I on some level, may be a pedophile? I mean, it's not like I masturbate to child porn or shit like that, unless you count some fucked up hentai as CP, but given that in that realm my tastes are quite twisted in all sorts of directions, I do not consider that to be a clear indication of any sort of real life sexual preferences. I am not even that sexual person, given that view masturbation mostly as something to do to just relieve myself of temporary boner the fastest way I know how. But still, my bond with my cousins was not exactly cousins ought to have, especially given our age difference.

My relationship with my cousins was not motivated by sexual desire, so on that level though, I don't think that I am a pedo. It was chiefly motivated by my loneliness, and the girls being the only source of affection I had in my life, but, I would be lying if I claimed that it didn't develop some borderline sexual elements at least in my head. I can't pretend that I didn't enjoy cuddling with the girls, hugs with them, or how they used to climb to my bed in mornings and wake me up by crawling next to me.
I also think that the cuddling, hugs and caressing may have crossed a line I should not have crossed, that went beyond just family members being affectionate, and into something borderline sexual at least on my part. Not that I molested them, or touched their private parts or shit like that, but it was not as innocent as I convinced myself it was.
Also, given that I am actually sexually attracted to adult women, and what I feel for my cousins is focused entirely on them, and not something I feel towards kids in general, I do think that the pedophile label would be wrong to be stamped on me.

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>>18309862
When the therapist I was visiting concluded that I was depressed, and that she could not help me until that problem was solved, I moved back home, and now, for the first time, experienced the crushing lack of affection for the first time, after having gotten used to daily affection and feeling of being loved by someone. That drove me near the brink and drove my pathological obsession with my cousins even further. I am glad that my parents forced me into therapis that helped me to climb out from the pit of suicidal despair.

After that, things have slowly been getting better, but I am still depressed, and still aimless at my life, and I have been living at the same city where my aunt lives for one and a half year due to studying (and failing at that) here. After the clash I had with my aunt, I didn't see my cousins for almost a year until some weeks ago at my sister's graduation party, which tore open the wounds once more, and once again, confirmed me what I already know, the fact that I loved them, but at the time, I refused to admit it out of shame. My existence here has been lonely and miserable as fuck, especially after the course I was on last year ended and the social circle around it dissolved. During the past months, I have been supposed to prepare for an entrance exam to university, but have sort of failed at it because I can't muster up the motivation to it partially because all the other issues I have going on in my life. I wish that I could see my cousins, but given the unresolved situation between me and my aunt, I haven't visited them once, despite wanting to, and with this realization, I doubt if I even should. I love them, true, but I also realize that what I feel for them is not mutual, and also not healthy for me.

-----end of repost

I pretty much stated most of the stuff in these posts to my therapist, and discussed it with him.
He thought that it was a good thing that I had done more self reflection on the whole situation.

I've been going to salsa classes for months and I can't seem to social dance. I just forget everything I learn on the dance floor and just do the basic moves. I hate myself as my memory is not that great but I keep going in an off chance that everything will click. However, as time goes by I feel like I'm wasting my time and that its a sunk cost. Then my thoughts go to my other parts of my life. I recently graduated with a mechanical engineering degree and looking for jobs but still don't make money. And other than lifting I got nothing else. I don't feel like I have a talent yet I'm stuborn to let this defeatish mentality have a hold on me. I want to do something great even if right now everything seems to be in shambles. So I know that this intrinsic thoughts of me being worthless are illogical as I have accomplished a lot. the feelings I get from them get to me sometimes and yesterday was too much after going to the class and having to only perform the basic steps on a girls. I think its a bit unhealthy going to the classes as they are getting to me but if I don't go I'll admit defeat.

what the fuck are you people even trying to accomplish?

Because wanting to kill myself is what you've done.

>>18309176
You got him fiending.

I asked a girl out and she said no. I am proud that i even had the balls to do it. Thank you for listening.

I really hate your parents, dad. They've always been assholes to mom and to us. Are you fucking blind? They are lazy shits who only want you to pay their debts and booze.

Do you care?

>>18309891
okay, anon, I want to understand better.
With that said, I don't want the (negative) attention, I was unhappy with him for 2 years, I refused to have my things sent back to me because I don't want to deal with him or have him in my life anymore. I don't understand why he drags it out then threatens me when he instigates it. After reading my post if I was in his shoes I'd ignore me and stay away but he willingly comes around and screws with me just so we both have something to be angry over. I can't help but to feel like it's because I refuse to discuss politics with him and send photos of my cat. But it's becoming annoying and getting out of hand.

>>18309915
I care, but I don't like to be taken for granted.

>>18309854

>10 years

Holy fuck there is no hope.

Even though I don't miss you, and my life is a lot better without you. Even though I have a better man in my life now.

I just can't stop resenting how you lied to me for so long about your feelings and wasted my time. I think you managed to break me, making me even more broken than I already was. Even with a person that really loves me, I am constantly scared and cry over the fear of them leaving me coldly. Just like you and someone else did.

I hate you.

So today we got our senior yearbooks and me and my buddy were on the bus on our way home. Im sitting next to this girl who I had a previous relationship that had winded badly but we seemed fine until I pulled out my year book and found my picture and said "thats cute" and she said "yeah" and did the same to this autistic kid and apparently the girl next to me has been friends with the autistic kid since 2nd grade and the autistic kid died a couple weeks ago... Then she starting going off on me telling me to kill myself and then got off the bus. Wat do?

I swear to fucking god decency is gone. Non-existent. Obliterated.
A man with crutches comes on the train, while it's past it's capacity, and NOBODY offers up his seat? He already walked all the way from the front to almost the back before i saw him. The worst part is the confused look i got from the other passengers, as if what i did was the most magical thing they ever saw.
I seriously fucking wonder if these people had an upbringing at all, or if they always were cunts. I cant fucking stand self-centred assholes and apparently im surrounded by them on all sides.

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I feel indifferent to everything at this point.
I'm not even mad. I don't want to die, mainly because my will to live is too strong to let me, but living feels like being taken by a stream and staying afloat just for the sake of it, and this feeling is ever-growing.
I feel almost nothing. When people yell at me, I don't feel stress, embarrassment, anger - nothing. And it's like that with everything else.
Some things still give me joy from time to time, like joking around with people or lifting, but I feel as if my psyche has multiple sclerosis that is advancing really fast.

Feels like with every while that I put my thought into it, something is dying inside of me.
Fucking fuck. I don't even feel the need to cry.

>>18309942

sorry bb :(

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im so tired right now

i guess im doing ok
i need to get fit though
i honestly feel like im loosing my friends and i dont want that to happen
my family is dying and my brother is quitting his job for some dumbass reason
im honestly tired of juggling work and school at the same time, hopefully things will look better soon
the only thing i really have to do anymore is get high and play videogames, and i see no end to it, i really need a GF

getting high is ok though, lets off the stress

i just want someone to talk to

The way you were responding to me in front of that store employee.... I was a little scared. Normally you don't talk in that kind of tone when there are other people around, and especially not in public.

>>18309170
Fuck you for taking my note and act like nothing happend.

why doesn't anyone care? Why won't you tell me the truth?

Why do you think mindless sex and money is enough to repay what you're doing to me?

Everyone in my life has lied to me, betrayed me, and they just don't fucking care.

You know what I've always wanted? Someone that loved me, that would always have my back no matter what. Some one that was honest.

I'll never get that. I just want to die.

I'm pretty sure you're just using me but I don't care because I love you and I'm benefiting even if you don't realize that.

M:

Jesus Christ I wish I could just write you the letter I've been meaning to write saying I'm sorry for ghosting on you, but I'm such a huge pussy and I can't find the words. You were the girl of my dreams since I was like, 15 years old, and the only reason I ghosted on you was because I thought we could never happen because you lived so far away and I could never be as into activism as you were, and I thought it was crazy naive to be in love with someone I'd never met face-to-face. So when I met my gf and she was real, and there, and clicked with me, I couldn't find a way to explain you to her or her to you, so I ghosted on the 'maybe' in favor of the sure thing.

I have eternally regretted that. Sometimes I find our old emails or chat logs, and I see the connection we had, and drive myself crazy wondering about the 'what-if', consoling myself with the whole 'grass is greener' philosophy, but... there's a hole in my being because of that. I wish I'd gone on that trip we planned, the one I cancelled right before I ghosted on you... I've always wanted to write to you and apologize, but I don't know how to explain it. It's been years since it happened, and I'm sure it would come across as creepy and weird if I told you the truth... but telling you a lie would undermine the entire purpose of apologizing.

I guess that's why it's easier to just write it here.

- B

she said she likes me and after a while of me wanting to ask her out she posts online thats shes been in a relationship for 5 months and doesnt talk to me as much anymore, just thinking that its all my fault. probably is...

>>18309942

you're not j are you?

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>>18310100
No.

>>18309170
I really hate the mods for deleting general topic threads in /adv/. What the fuck is wrong with them?

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https://youtu.be/CkQj7YMObPQ

I'm not going to say anything. You don't care.

Take your job reference and cram it up your ass, you fucking whore! How could you betray his trust like that? I wish you'd never hired me.

>>18310138
Probably for the best, anon. People only look after themselves and reap the benefits from others nowadays. What a time we live in.

>>18309919
Some lives are so empty, even needless frustration can be uplifting to them. If it makes him feel at all close to you, maybe it's a sacrifice he's willing to make. Pitiful as it may sound.

I have a flu and I really need to be snuggled.

>>18310158
Not advisable.

I can't take life anymore. What do I do?

>>18310177
Why?

>>18310151
Thank you for the insight, anon. It's appreciated

i feel like I am going through life pretending to be someone else. I have a tendency to let thoughts build up without any sort of release. I have never let anyone know my true feelings for as long as I remember. I feel like none of my friends would spend time around me if I don't limit the thoughts in my head. I wish I could be myself but the problem is I don't know who I am or who I want to be. I am too worried about what people would think to show anyone what I really care about, I only show the parts of me that I think people like and for the most part it works. I have trouble sleeping because I am afraid of my dreams. Most of these dreams simply consist of me being happy with my situation but when I wake up I have an overwhelming sense of dread that I will never be happy and I don't know why. I feel like I'm going through life waiting for my shell to crack and for someone to ask if I'm okay and I can finally explain why I lock myself away for weeks without speaking to anyone, but it never happens. I am too worried about anyone else getting involved with my problems to let anything out but the funny side of me. I feel like I'm just a comic relief character in everyone's story: I show up, make you laugh a few times and disappear for a few days. Nobody thinks of the comic relief as anything more than just that. I create a lot of art that I have a lot of trouble showing people because I never think it's good enough for anyone. I love creating things but if they're not good enough for me then they're not good enough for anyone, so who am I making things for?
I feel there is still a glimmer of hope within me. I've slowly been letting my true self seep out, I've been trying to post work more on social media, because as much as I hate it, nobody sees it anyway appart from the creative people I am friends with so why not. everything in my head is sort of reaching a critical mass and I am slowly letting it out because I'm worried if things get so built up something bad..

Holy shit I am becoming wizard, I've done so much introspection pretty much all I think about is deep mindfuck stuff about the world, I am starting to live by it. It's mostly good values though.

On some levels it's awesome, the biggest downside is that with this I have pretty much guaranteed I'll be alone, no normal person wants to live in a mindfuck every day. I have no place in society, or anywhere, I can adapt, but every time I do so I get bored or angry and go back to trying to find a place that fits me better.

Beauty is why I live, it's always been there for me, whether it is in an action for something, a girl, music or an awesome looking landscape. Not for money, not for women, not for power. To watch and learn.

>>18309944

"everyone's entitled" saturation.

This is what happens when we overuse words.
People react accordingly.
"Tough luck asshole, stop being entitled".
"I don't owe you my fucking seat".

Though, can't blame a generation raised without respect, to show respect. We're borderline savages at this point.

convincing me that drugs are bad is never, ever going to happen.

The only time I have ever been happy is with drugs.

And despite how much you might want to believe it, my dosage is incredibly small. Heroin junkies take an insane amount of opiates, like 30x more than what I take.

This is why withdrawals don't bother me that much... because I don't take much.

>"You'll take more though!"
Nap. Been pretty consistent for a loonnggg tiimmeee. Only time I ever take more is when I'm going through a trauma.. like say, with Iris or Renee. WHICH IS YOUR ALL'S FUCKING FAULT.

>>18310229

might happen, I might freak out and hurt someone or myself. it's taken quite a lot for me to write this even to an annoymous thread but I need to do this. it's not a message for anyone I just need to let this shit out. this has taken more of a weight off my shoulders than i thought it would.

im very tired so this might not have made a lot of sense but if you took the time to listen to my bullshit then I hope you know I very much appreciate it.

Thanks for your time,

-E

and why would I want to do anything else but stay inside?

All you have done to me my entire life was torture me. People have been nothing but awful towards me. I try to talk about things I'm passionate about and people get hostile towards me for no reason.

I just want to stay inside forever. I don't want anyone to be with me. This world is awful and I'm done with it.

Even now you continue to lie to me, mess with my head, and just be generally all around awful to me. Then you wonder why I don't want anything to do with people.

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>it's an Anon can't tell if his fwb has romantic feelings for him that will likely cause this friendship to crash and burn episode

>>18309170

I've never liked someone like this before.
In English class we make eye contact sometimes, I cherish these moments, and hate them so much at the same time.

Especially a guy.

You're perfect and I'm awkward, I say the wrong thing, I love you I like you no I don't yes I do I hate you FUCK. My brain is fucking melting and everything just hurts.

I just want to hold you, be together, just you and me, alone, together.

he will not divide us.

I hope the police shoot and kill me when they show up.

I wish they would do it already.

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If I'm strongly attracted to a best friend but cannot tell if she likes me back or not,should i try and ask her or will the friendship crash and burn?

take a fucking hint and leave me alone. I don't want the late night drunk phone calls about how you miss me and love me, then the sober ones the following day acting extremely uninterested in whatever I have going on. At least I try to make an effort to seem interested with whatever dumb shit you have going on.

youre crazy and im just another dipshit niceguy getting beaten all around by some promiscuous bullshitter that needs to try and absolve herself of any guilt by making sure im okay and not alarmed or anything.

I thought I was the one overthinking shit but nah, youre just shitty. I honestly do not give a fuck what happened to you in January. Seems like theres more to it than that.

>>18310215
could be some other reason too, who knows..

you're an unbearable, hypocritical, illiterate cunt and i have wished, no, prayed for death and/or illness to befall you even though i know what a horrible thing that is for a son to wish upon his mother. but thats what you make me feel for you every single minute. and its all your fault.

>>18310354
you already started a thread about this. also, bite the bullet and ask her. it will most likely (99%) end in you both going your own ways, but thats how life is. you'll meet better people in time. you wont be able to fathom how a person can be better than your best friend, and it will probably take a lot of time, but that one person *is* coming for you. and when they do, your situation is going to be much better than the emotional shithole you're in now. until then, sit back, relax, read a good book, and dont sweat the small stuff. good luck!

As much as you love to put on a mask and pretend you're a good person the fact remains you are a narcissistic manipulator and everyone exists in your world to give you validation. Other people are tools that you use at your expense so you can feel control; it doesn't matter what attention you receive be it positive or negative. Your hunter/prey mindset seeks that power trip to apprehend someone's mind and emotions so they bend to your will. What you portray yourself to be now is just a phantom lie, a ruse, a facade. You are feeling emotions you haven't felt before because I refuse to bend to you. It makes you feel uncomfortable that I won't break and initiate contact with you so you resort to childish tactics to catch my attention.

I told myself I would call you earlier today.
It's been months but I need closure.
Every time I've approached you it's been, I've lied to myself, for your benefit.

Truthfully I need for you to hear what I have to say. I can't make my own closure this time.
This hurts too much.

I feel weak and useless and clingy.

I wasted so much of my time on you already. So much mental and emotional energy.

>>18309170
Lianda

Not a day goes by where i dont think about you. The only time im alright is after my shift at 1am when im drinking my whisky rye.

Miss you, hope you are doing well.

A.

i want to break up with you

i thought i could handle your schizophrenia but i can't because your reliance on me is too much

I'm sorry I chickened out of saying I love you the day before yesterday. I think you knew I was about to say it too. It would have been the perfect day for it. I don't remember the last time I had an evening that wonderful. WHY DID I GET SO SCARED?

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>>18310285
>fucked twice
>she tried kicking me out every time she came
>stayed and loitered
>ended up cooking and eating together
>she stares at me with sad eyes whenever we act like a couple

i dont want to lead this girl on lads but i dont want to stop fucking her either

Honestly the thought of having sex does absolutely nothing for me. I have zero desire for it and the thought of it actually repulses me.

Maybe it's the stress of what you all are putting me through, the anxiety of all of this. Maybe it's because I know that sex is what has ruined the lives of so many of the people involved.

It's a truly horrific thing.

I need to stop coming here. It's fucking with my mind. I see this thread as a place to talk to you. It's not healthy. I need to let you go completely.

>>18310481
I don't want this to end with her upset. I don't think I should get involved with others anymore.

>>18310490
Yup. Go back to your containment board until you're capable of empathy then come back with an apology. Maybe then I'll have something kind to say. Enjoy your piece of bread sticky note.

I feel like feral caveman remarking on it, but your butt was amazing today. I'm surprised you didn't hear my jaw hit the floor.

I try gauge my relationships on personality, and interests. Looking beyond just looks. And I'm glad we've been talking more lately, and you do come across as a sweet, sensible girl.

But goddamn, I'm weak to the booty.

In the past eight months I went from powerlifting and walking several miles a day to gaining 40 lbs, being diagnosed with 2 hernias and a hemerrhoid, and basically unable to function on a daily basis. I'm tired all day no matter how much I sleep, I'm mentally and physically overwhelmed and I feel like my life is falling apart around me because I don't have the energy to fight much harder. I'm missing social functions left and right because I constantly feel ill and feverish, or just plain exhausted. I love my family and I am madly in love with my partner, I'd never want to hurt them. But some days I feel like being alive is only hurting me, and I am not quite sure I want to sign up for that much longer.

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Honestly I sometimes just wanna join the military just to go to war and die.

Dear Matthew,
You lied and were deceitful. I appreciate you finally being honest, regardless of me already knowing your ways. However, your honesty was out of spite. You thought it would hurt my feelings. Therefore, I no longer trust you. You're not someone I would call a friend.
Your friend at arms length,
V

I had such a terrible time doing sports when I was really young. Played baseball a lot in elementary school. Never really "liked it" and was terrified of the ball. Did get hit a couple times, pushed down once by someone from the other team, and one time they decided to put me as pitcher and I walked everyone until they had 6+ runs (we were losing anyway). Played basketball in middle school. I enjoyed playing basketball, but my teammates always teased me and picked on me, and I was a benchwarmer, only getting put in the game 2 minutes left in the 4th quarter. Played football for a little bit as well in middle school. That shit was VIOLENT and I hated it so much.

I guess I'm just not a sports person. It was really frustrating wanting to be useful but instead being treated like dead weight. Maybe that's a big reason why I'm so overly competitive and afraid of being seen as a failure.

Dear fuck tard friends,or so called friends. Thanks for abandoning me in my time of need. Looks like i was a great guy when i could help you,and now that i need help,you forgot about me. Remember this,when the time comes to kill my enemies,i will star with you guys first. I will kill your families,burn down your homes,and rape your mothers on you dead fathers body.

I want to know what's going on so damn badly. The posts where someone was saying "I wish you guys would start already" and "Will you be messaging me this much when these next few crazy months are over?" and "You deserve all that is going to happen to you."

You have been planning this for years.

But what is it?

What exactly has been going on? and why do so many people know but me?

Why does all of this revolve around me?

Please, tell me what is happening. Please tell me what all of this means.

Please tell me why you keep hinting at me not even being a real human.

Please.

PLEASE.

>helping girl through hard time
>her dad is dying and she just got out of a four year relationship
>ghosted me in particular for a week currently, after fucking some completely random dude she met twice total

You weren't my type girl; attractive? Definitely. Salty as fuck and narcissistic? Indeed you are. I don't know why you wanted to single me out by specifically ghosting me and not any of our other friends, but I think it's rather fucked up I found out over Snapchat rather than in person.

You're a coward. Don't ever talk to me again.

>>18310522
Also competition in general stresses me to an irrational level. I can't even watch sports on TV, especially the faster moving ones like hockey or football (handegg). I can watch baseball fine, but baseball is fucking boring to watch unless you are actually there.

I really loved you. For a while I thought you felt the same but that was obviously not the case. It became so clear afterwards.

Why did I have to find what I consider perfection only to be taken away from me soon after? Like, how do you even recover from that? When you know for a fucking fact that you'll never find someone so perfect ever again.

It's sad. It's very, very depressing. I swear I gave you my all, yet, it wasn't nearly enough to make you love me back. God really fucked me this time.

>>18310542
no one owes you shit for being nice m8 this post just reads like

>i stroked your back while your dad was in the hospital why did you fuck that guy who youve only known for 2 days and not me

>>18309170

Every job is a shit hole. Every workplace demands efficiency and skill, and when you demonstrate that all you get is more work put on your plate with no benefits, no raise, no recognition. All the responsibilities with none of the upsides. Where every job's status quo isn't "do your job" it's "stand there until work is over."

I'm tired of putting in my all to make a place run efficiently only to get less hours than most other employees and still stuck at minimum wage after 4 years of working my ass off each day. I'm tired of trying to put forth the effort because no one else wants to. Tired of having the management push me harder to work harder, and then soak up all the glory for my hard work.

I'm done. Relationships are a joke, work is a joke. People that need to take things seriously don't, those that need to relax take everything seriously. It's all backwards and retarded.

>>18310354
Based on the GIF alone, you should let them know. They would probably like it. And if they are your true best friend, they will understand regardless of how they feel romantically.

>>18310542
without proper context, i can suggest maybe she never asked for you to help her through hard time?
people can sometimes self-insert into others lives and end up feeling betrayed even though there never really was a connection

I really don't know what to do anymore, you act like you love me yet you fuck around behind my back. It's been almost 3 years and I don't know if I love you after you flirted and went on dates with other people. I stayed home and watched our daughter, staying up until the early morning just for you when I knew you weren't going to come home. I loved you and now I don't know if I love you anymore. You tell me to have feelings yet to shove them down, Im supposed to be okay when you make me not okay anymore . I love you but I fucking hate you at the same god damn time. I honestly wish I had the strength to leave but I don't know if someone could love a person who is as broken as me. I'm not okay and I don't know if I need help or if i just need to be dead.

>>18310719
LEAVE THAT PERSON! Chances are you are not nearly as broken as you think. That person has fucked your self esteem so much that you are forgetting what an amazing person you are. And I know this, because shitty people don't go through so much to stay with someone who hurts them. You are strong and caring. Don't let them take advantage of that.

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Fuck me like my ex did.
I love you, we've been together for almost a fucking decade, you made me rethink the idea of marriage, but fuuuuuuuuuck me your sex is so fucking vanilla.

I could tell my ex to do ANYTHING, I mean fucking AAAANNNYYYYYTHING and she would be naked on all fours in .05 seconds.
Enemas, rimming, water sports, you fucking name it and she was down for it.
I could ask her to put weed in her belly button and I'll try to smoke it by sucking on her cooch, using her asshole as a carb and she'll fucking try to make it possible.

You're the only girl I've ever been with who's deathly afraid of anything anal and I fucking hate it. I love you, but fuck, expand your mind.

When you're happy, I'm happy. When you're sad, I'm sad. I don't know how to stop letting you affect my emotions, unless I just want to try and sever my connection with you and distance myself, but that doesn't seem healthy either.

Dear humanity,

I am emotionally crippled, I am dead inside... I cannot relate to you, I do not understand you... You sicken me... I am truly alone in this world and I have no direction... This is more than depression... I am a facade
- A

I'm so gangsta prissy chicks don't want to fuck with me. It really hurts. I'm not mean or anything, just gangsta. I'd be loyal

I have pretty bad social anxiety, it's taken a lot of work to get good enough at conversation and appear comfortable around women. I thought I had good chemistry with a cute girl in one of my classes and asked her out to drinks on the last day, I got her number, she seemed excited about it, and then she ghosted me after I started texting her. Not the first time this has happened. I hate this so much, I'd rather be rejected outright, get it over with quickly, but no, I get my hopes up, I imagine us having fun conversations when I start planning out a date in my head, and then she just decides I'm not worth talking to anymore. I'm making steps to try and improve myself and all it's doing is piling on to my already massive inferiority complex. Feels like I'll never be good enough to be taken seriously at this point.

>>18310645
you didnt read it correctly then, i was never interested in her on more than a friendly level. she's attractive enough in her own right yeah, but she has a lot of mental flaws and red flags that i dont wanna deal with. she literally created a headcanon in which she thought i was attracted to her and used it to avoid me after i was nice to her. even our mutual friends are calling her out on it. If that's not a warning sign to not get involved any further at ANY level then idk what is.

in reverse though your post is a really good reminder that, likewise, i dont owe anyone shit and dont need to go out of my way to help others, especially when they cant help themselves. thanks for the insight

>>18310705
i see where youre coming from, but the conversation went almost exactly like this:

>explains everything, then "i need help."
>tell her "if you need anything let me know, we only live a block apart."
>"I appreciate you."

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>>18309170
I used to be a mopey depressed whiner who wanted everyone to feel sorry for me, now I love who I am but I feel strong resentment towards my best friend because he is mopey depressed whiner on crack. Why am I so mean to him? Is it because I see my old self in him or because his overt self-pity and blatant exaggeration of his negative qualities serve as an antagony for my newfound optimism? I've always been empathetic towards others but lately I look back at some of my past behavior and it's almost like I'm trying to beat a sense of humor into him. Am I a bad person?

I'm worried about never finding someone. Hell, I'm only 24 and I'm having these thoughts. I'd just like something to be easy for once, and not a huge mess that has to be flown across the country, or cheating on their boyfriend.

Just please.

Hope everyone has a great night or a good morning.

>>18309170
I know he is just a substitute for me, I know you want my arms around you, me heat against your skin, what would happen if we played this out? You smile and laugh with me in a way he can only dream about, why don;t we just bite the bullet and see what we've got?

>>18310807
I wish. Initials?

>>18310788
>I'm only 24
You're right, you're too young to be acting like your life is ending, everyone has these thoughts and panics in the early decades of adulthood, you should enjoy yourself while you're still in your prime

>I'd just like something to be easy for once
Life gets easier when you stop expecting it to be easy, because truthfully life isn't supposed to be easy, if you lower your expectations and ready yourself for life's hardships you won't need to worry about subjecting yourself to disappointment all the time

>I'm not a mess
Then start acting like it! Take life slow, stop worrying yourself so much, and when you see an opportunity jump on it, failure is less painful than regret

>>18310830
S......

I am no longer able to trust women. The first woman to ever reciprocate the feeling of "love" I had for her legitimately disappeared after about 2 months into the relationship starting. The next girl I had feelings for led me on for two years, throwing me the occasional bone, before finally just flat out telling me not to speak to her. My latest romantic venture had me discover that my partner cheated on me after what I thought was two happy years. I can't see myself having the same trust in women. I feel as though I have finally become that cynical asshole who does nothing but mutter to himself on a park bench wondering why everyone else is so happy when his life is in the shits. I don't get it.

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anyone wanna help me kill myself

>>18310839
And his?

>>18310888
Your initial first.....

>>18310892
P, you shy little sinner.

>>18310900
P isn't my flavour, but your making me feel nawty.

[1/2] While watching Family Man I wondered to myself: why do we miss people that aren't good for us?
I've come to the conclusion it is not the person I miss, it is the idea of that person. The """relationship""" was toxic, we did hurtful things to each other and I couldn't help the feeling of being unwanted and abandoned. I was, and still am, very much hurt that I could not continue the relationshit and left feeling broken and oppressed. I invested myself in relationship tools, learning proper communication and opened up, but by then the relationship had eroded leaving me with nothing left to give especially not receiving anything in return except the bare minimum. Rationally, I understood that leaving was the healthiest thing I could of done, yet my emotional attachment is undeniable. This conflict confuses and intensifies my internal struggle to this day. I feel hopelessly trapped by my desires to rekindle a relationship that I'm aware it is unhealthy - and not even be available due to distance and lack of common interests. Sometimes I wonder if that person ever really loved me and how I could be so easily discarded. My emotions range between hurt, disbelief, and anger.

>>18310902
[2/2]
Is it because that person was special? Sure, to me this person was placed on a pedestal thus being a significant loss for me, but the depth of my struggles has a lot more to do with the complexity of the """bond""" they had once claimed we shared than them as a person. In some way this experience has rejuvenated me. The way my toxic partner treated me filled an empty void inside of me. Maybe their internal struggles and the way they had rarely spoke of their mental problems that had inspired my sympathy and determination and resolve. Doing this made me feel valuable, exceptional, like a heroine. As a result, I was willing to tolerate behavior beyond what I known to be acceptable. I felt certain in myself that they somehow depended in me and that they would never leave if I pushed myself harder each day. No matter how challenging, I was committed to see it through. Unknown to me, they were a complex journey that started long before our relationship began. I was their """Princess""" , an ear to listen, the answer to the disappointments they had struggled with. Together this made a loaded relationship between the two of us.

>>18310901
You are naughty.

>>18310910
Mnnnhhh. And what do you do with naughty boys?

>>18310913
Gas them.

>>18310914
I discipline them in ways that you will ever want to imagine.

>>18310914
Stuff me with that zylcon b baby.

>>18310928
Let me peg you and not call you the next day. I'm not looking for anything serious.
>>18310920
Color me intrigued.

>>18310931
Only if i can fuck you up the ass and have you call me daddy before i shoot my load inside your intestines.

>>18310934
Fill me with cum, pop.

I like you. I think you like me, but I'm not sure.

I'm afraid to ask, even though I know that's the fastest solution.

What's up with that other guy, though? Are you just friends, or something more? He's definitely flirting with you, with the poking and bullying. It seems a little much at times, really.
You hang out with him a lot, but it looks like you're just being polite much of time, and closed off to him.

I thought you two were a thing, and I would've been fine leaving you to it, but then there are the times I'm around and you seem super excited.

You choose to sit beside me, not him, when our group goes to lunch.
Whenever we get in a discussion, you don't just face me - you turn your entire body towards me. It was actually a little jarring, the first time it happened. You always make doubly sure when we agree, with that energetic "Yes, Yes!".

The once or twice that we've met up before the others, and sat down to wait, I thought you were going to break it from leaning on it so hard. Again, whole body pointed towards me in an unexpected fashion, playing with your hair.
Oh, the playing with the hair. When we're in a group, you're always twirling a lock. Maybe it's a nervous tic, maybe it's not for me, but the only times I see you not doing that is when you're on the other side of the room. And yeah, I've seen you staring a few times, too.

I'm trying not to get too caught up or hopeful, especially since you have other suitors already. I probably wouldn't have noticed some of these details, if I wasn't already studying body language and communication cues to help in meetings and presentations.

I kind of want to see what responses you make, if I start my intentions more obvious.

I just want to eat some girls ass so bad

>>18310935
You dirty little slut, I want to make sure i impregnate you so that you become nice and milk swollen to feed me and my offspring.

>>18310952
What's your opinion on gore, priest?

>>18310959
I'll look at it, but it will not make me cum.
Whats your opinion on taking me down your throat?

The date didn't go that well, but I didn't have feelings for her anyway. I'm just tired of having to go through the entire process of wooing another girl again to get a date, it all takes too much energy.

You made a mistake because of your insecurities and social pressure. By the time you'll realize what you've done, i'll probably won't be there for you anymore.

>>18310963
I have a preference to guys who jack off to guro by flirting with the degenerate thought of being filled with crazy dude goo as a breeding wench.

>>18310970
K

Let me find a good woman to share my life, my body, my ideas with.

I am tired of this stupid cycle, these empty possibilities. Let something good happen already.

Let my life begin.

>>18310975
There is nothing I want more than submissive breeding cow to take my sperm, swell up, so I may milk her and continue fucking her, so that she yields plentiful pleasure, milk, and offpsring to continue my work.

>>18310985
What's your bloodline, pope?

>>18310989
Anglo white, yours?

Dear random guy at the gym.

You left your wallet in the locker room. I took it but felt bad so I threw it away in the trash can. Rest assured, I did not take any money or use your credit cards. Also I had an anxiety attack, so I didn't do that because I was an idiot. Also I secretly hate you for looking better than me.

>>18310990
Can't say for the sake of anonymity

To everyone I've interacted with

I play the victim and I'm a shitty person, I am lazy and narcissistic and feign sadness for pity points. I try not to be an asshole, but I suck with expressing my emotions and come off as closed off and rude.

But honestly, I am a shitty person but at least know that I did not think low of you, in fact I am envious of every other person because I hate myself.

I might ramble on about some philosophical jargon as a facade to appear as an intellectual, but I am just a lazy hypocrite with no real accomplishments in life. Yet again, I am playing the victim, I wish my life would just end but I love my family too much.

"idk" has been the answer to all of my problems, idk why I'm even writing this stupid letter, idk idk idk idk

idk

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>>18311000
Genes and race are perfeclty anon, I will breed with almost anything, even degenerate dark/yellow skins if attrative enough. for superior white genees will cleanse you.

t. His holiness.

In my country when you get sent to highschool you have to take a national test, and your score determines what level you can go to.
This week it was a new again, like every year, about the highscores and such.
And it made me remember that I scored quite high as a child, and shouldve gone to a decent school.
but my teacher, who I never got along with, suggested to my retarded mother that Id go to a much lower level.
My mom send me there, even when I protested, and I ended up with idiots in my class who i never got a long with, and I never learned anything in classes, and eventually I dropped out even with good grades because I jsut didnt like that place.
I remember that in the end they told me they shouldve definitely sent me higher, and that the school they put me on wasnt for me

and tomorrow is mothers day, not really the right spirit to go along with it

>>18311004
You seem like an alright guy

>>18311004
Dear humanity, I'm a killer. I have no objections to ending your life or anyone I interact with's life to suit my goals, but I restrain myself because I would like to believe I live in a era where such actions would be frownd upon (not that they aren't required),
Perhaps someday you will discover what I do and am willing to do, for any reason I see fit, but who even cres anymore.

I can never sleep soundly
I got a lot of guilt on my chest

I am sorry, I love you, forever and always... Regret will always be there. I hope and wish you every happiness in life. You deserve it.

I find it very disturbing that someone who didn't put themselves out there constantly gets controversial issues about him.

>>18311012
I am willing to disclose that I am white.

Smoke that shit til my eyes turn red
The only way to stop me is a bullet in the head

>>18310920

I want this too. If only you were straight, sadistic man of my wet dreams.

>>18310949

I wish my bf would eat my ass. He's just not interested in any butt stuff :(

>>18311032

What do you feel guilty about? Dump it here maybe it's help

>>18311046

This is a sweet message to read, anon. I hope that you will find happiness too because you deserve it.

>>18311071
I go both ways, I find both genders beautiful.

I have rape fantasies every time my bf and I fuck. It's the only way I get off but my bf is a gentleman and I don't want to ruin our loving relationship but I honest to god want to be fucked like an animal. He's the only one I've ever had and I wonder if there's someone more compatible sexually with me.. but it's a chance I will never have. I just want to be dominated and disciplined!

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I'm not going to fuck it up this time.
I'm going to show as much support as I can for you, since we're already able to agree on things that are very personal to me. You seem smart, driven, and interesting. I finally understand that I was a gigantic problem 90% of the time in past relationships. Asking for too much, getting too personal with criticism, losing interest and just making people feel worse, and being too punishing of a person. I'm really fucking sorry that I kinda tripped over my words when I spoke to you earlier, I really do like you and can't wait to see you soon.

>>18311086

Good luck anon, I hope that you'll be able to grow closer with this person and be together.

I was raised to be a submissive and subservient girl. Now that I'm an adult I feel lost having to figure myself out and my needs. It's easy to wrap myself around someone else's life and their wants. I almost wish I could be someone's wife and breeding cow so they can protect me from the universe and from myself.

>>18311046
>>18311004
>>18311024
Ah, right in the feefees. Hope you don't mind me larping!

I can accept the reality of what happened and try to find a way to live in a state of resolution with this. Keyword being TRY but I ultimately am unaware this is you reaching out to me. If this were the case, forgiveness is a process and in no way includes forgiving you as a person. The reasons not to forgive you as a person outweigh the good in our time together. With this I realize by becoming more familiar with myself, my feelings, my boundaries and needs that I have to take on the will to fully accept what occurred and how it played out. The hurt went too deep, you and I were both abusive to each other and at many points you've expressed no regret for it and turned it against me. It would be wrong of me to attempt to forgive you right now before I have identified, fully felt, expressed, and released the anger and pain.

The final seal on what happened between us, what hurt me, is ultimately forgiving you. Not a day will pass that I won't remember what happened, how it happened, why it happened, but I will no longer be bound by it by that point. After I'm able to work through the feelings and learn what i need to do to strengthen my personal boundaries or have my emotional needs met, I'm better off distancing myself to be able to take care of myself - by myself - in case there is a future where we can be friends. I need to find my place in the universe because I am worthy of love, respect, and happiness. Take care and give me a call when you're ready to talk this out. You know what they say, actions speak louder than words.

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I'm sorry Lukeyboy for being a colossal mess.
You didn't deserve my resentment, but I still believe many others do.
I thought I was being delusional when I abandoned you all again, but someone has reconfirmed to me that household is a toxic environment. I can't stand the people in there or be around them, it feels like everyone has their own secret agenda or is being strung along by a puppeteer. I could feel it in my stomach, I knew it from the moment I tried reconnecting with everyone and started visiting, but I tried denying it so I could fit in.
They're all so lost, delusional and disgusting. I resent so many of them for wasting this life granted to us the way they do, for giving up what made them unique, my beautiful memories of them from teenage hood, for defiling the moralities of love and so much more.
I want to believe this hasn't affected you as well, but we both know that I can't trust you for some inherent reason. To be honest I don't know who to trust or speak to anymore with regards to that friend group. I got along so well with you, but I feel like they're about fix that noose around your neck and drop you from a tree, and that'll be the end of the Luke that I once knew and valued.
I hope life is treating you well, and that new job you just started sets you on the path to development. You know where I am if you ever need to talk. I'm a lot happier here, hugs and affection all the time, people to talk to and trust.

It's just hard letting go of the people that once made me happy.

But if I had to be honest, I believe those people died a long time ago.

I love you god damnit and I wanna fuck the shit out of you, but I know it will destroy us as friends

I like really like you and every day that goes by when I can't tell you how I feel physically hurts me. I want nothing more than for you to be happy and for us to be together, but I know you don't feel the same way. I never asked you out because I know how emotional you get with friendships and to ruin such a good friendship we have would be a cruel thing for me to do. I see the way you look at other people, even if it's not in an special kinda way, it's still better than how you see me and it kills me on the inside. I get so angry and so frustrated that I just say stupid things and become less attractive for it, but just know it's only because I care so much about you. Every time I see you struggle or need help I always feel so bad and try my best to help, but Im not smart like the other guys. The point is, I think you're beautiful. Your blond hair, your smile, all the energy you have and all the music you listen too and just everything about you drives me wild. Every time I'm invited to go to group events with you I'm super torn between wanting to spend time with you but also not wanting to say stupid things so you end up ignoring me anyways. Every day, when we have all our classes together, I just spend so long trying to be better and improve myself but I know it won't matter anyways. You know I hate running, but I didn't run the half marathon because I wanted a challenge. I ran it because you were running it. No matter how hard I work, it doesn't seem to matter because I know I just am not what you're looking for. And even though it's killing me, I'm only still here because I know you can be happy, even without me. So if you ever need someone to be here just to be here and nothing else, I won't ever leave.

I guess it's true what they say, a girl really can drive a man crazy.

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the more i lurk on /adv/, the more i learn that everyone has insecurities.
i've always been somewhat insecure about myself and people made fun of me often.
it's really easy to find a fault in me and make fun of it, but i've learned to deal with all that shit and i'm a confident person now.
now i'm not an asshole and i don't want to insult people (i try to be nice because i do know how much words can hurt from my experience).
only when the banter becomes borderline insulting, i think it's good to make a point.

and there's a big realization i've had:
people are so fucking easily triggered by their insecurities - even successful people who 'have it all' - and even by the most petty things.
some people were simply never confronted with their insecurities by other people and they get really defensive and pissed off when you imply something.

i always thought that i was the pussy for being made fun of, but damn i feel like other people can't even take the basic insulting stuff that was thrown into my face for years.

>>18309180
I feel you, anon.

>>18310744
Damn that's tight. Its like paris hilton telling vin diesel that he's a nigger.

>>18309170

Just finished playing firewatch. It felt so real, but the ending was so disappointing though.

I just missed a lot of my friends' graduation. I got dressed up and ready but I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. I then mentally saw the inside of the seating and the halls of the venue and how packed they were and I just froze and sat down, then texted them an apology. One replied saying they expected me to do this. I don't know where I would have stood/sat at the venue and I probably would've looked like an idiot looking around for a place to sit. I want to die and feel so pathetic

Just posted on /a/:
"Open letter to Jake Tainsh, because god knows this'll find it's way to him here: I fucking love you, and I wish I could tell you. I think about you all the fucking time. I don't know why you pretend to be so one-dimensional but I know that you're not, and so much of me wishes that I could tell you that in person. You're like a deep, still lake in the middle of a concrete world."
relevant?

>>18311024
Hurry the fuck up then

You guys bored yet?
:)))))
- bait

Dear x,

you will never win

- y

>>18311278

Good for you anon. It just made you stronger. The people who made fun of you had insecurities of their own and probably projected them onto you. Bullies are usually weaklings to need someone to help them feel strong.

I am a coward, and it haunts me.

Why won't you... I mean... man, I don't even fucking understand. Are you attracted to the wrong guys or something? Or is it the distance? But it can't be the distance cause I was here back then and you could've had me. And the reason I went away was because of you. I couldn't stand being in the same fucking TOWN with you, cause it hurt too much.

We met again after a year of me being away, at a concert you were excited about when I told you. "Oh man we should totally go to this! We're going!". And then when I asked you a few months in you said "ah yeah I don't know if I'll be going" so I left it alone. I still had my ticket, so I was gonna go regardless. And then when I came to town you said we'd grab a beer on my birthday, and you couldn't make it, and then didn't say anything else.

>>18311551
>>18311551

AND THEN I FIND YOU AT THE FUCKIN CONCERT. With your ex. And when that insecure fucker kept texting you from the bathroom that he'll leave and shit cause you attract all the attention and whatever, you tell me he's been an asshole like this for days and I'm the best thing that happened to you at the concert and that you're glad I'm there? Why didn't you just ask ME to go with you? You tell me that you don't know and that you can't text first. You're a bitch. And then you stay with me all night. Yeah, we had a great fucking time. Yeah, we want back to your place where we drank and danced some more, like we also did back then. No fucking. We never fucked. I went home and texted that every time I leave I wonder if I should've done something different. Maybe I should've kissed you again and maybe I should've said "let me stay here for the night". You said I was staring at you and you got lost in my eyes. I asked you to tell me more about it and you said "tomorrow, if you want". And then the next day you tell me you can't go out cause it's shitty outside and you're kinda depressed cause of the ex thing. God, you're a cunt.

But still I fucking crave for you for some reason. Almost a hundred girls I've fucked, and none of them made me feel the way you did from the moment I saw you. Your fucking spirit, your love for travel, your beauty. I know you don't owe me nothing. But I feel fucking FRUSTRATED by the fact that I know and you know that you like me, and yet you make all the wrong choices. Or just don't act on them. You even mentioned it when I asked you about "getting lost in my eyes". You said you're too comfortable to think about it.

God. Fucking. Damn it.

>tfw everyone feels like NPCs
you ever been talking to someone and realized that they've been talking for 10 minutes and actually haven't said anything and their words and sentence structure are fucked? like they had a stroke and they're just saying shit that vaguely makes sense and is relevant to the topic? this has been happening increasingly often and I just want to go home. this is boring and I'm gonna check out and build a cabin in the middle of nowhere and start my own civilization with blackjack and hookers.

pat yourselves on the back retards. you've accomplished being incredibly boring and predictable.

>>18311637
and the best part, when you are talking about something complex and describe something perfectly and explain it perfectly you just get looks from those same people like you've inserted information that's off script or something and just doesn't compute.

I just can't with the stupid people anymore.

I just want the same kindness that I give to other people

You're a drain on my energy and I don't know how much longer I can stand being around someone who doesn't give a shit. Between you and being alone, maybe I'd rather be alone.

i try to find self confidence but i keep getting haunted by my own history, which year after the year has been plagued with fuck ups, embarrassment and down right total patheticness

i have so little to be proud about

oh well im losing my virginity in a week lol

>>18311637
I know exactly what you mean, sometimes I just go to subway and think "are those people even real or are they a caricature of what they have seen on TV?"
Sometimes I wonder... do they never think about life?
But there are thinking and intelligent people around nonetheless, don't give up

i know you dont love me anymore but goddammit i still love you with every fiber of my being. please dont leave me

All I do is browse 4chan all day, then go to college and just sit there and do nothing, yet I'm exhausted all the time, too tired to move my limbs until I make a superhuman effort to get off my chair and walk, too tired to do college work, no motivation to do anything except going to some church on the weekend just because a girl I like who probably doesn't like me back the same way is there. I'm 24. What's wrong with me.

I've wasted my life... and currently continuing to do so.

I've wasted my younger years playing video games, masturbating etc... anything to keep me occupied from the harsh reality I was living, still currently live in that harsh reality, but I also missed many opportuintes, I could've been something great, could've been happy, but no I choose to sit mindlessly in front of a screen to just pass the time, and the time did pass, nothing goes quicker than the time, so many people my age have done so many things, traveled, went to night clubs, had multiple relationships and had met a lot of both bad and wonderful and experienced life, maybe bought a car, had a few crashes, built a business and working on it everyday growing it.

And I'm just sitting here. God, I get so mad when I hear someone did something cool on the weekend, I wish I had that, I'm do not envy them or wish anything bad for them, just wish I had a taste.

Whenever I try to do anything that I have missed the emotions overwhelm and only one thought gets stuck in my head, that it's too late and it cripples me, I just stay where I am.

I don't want this life, please I want to do it over again, I can't live like this anymore.

My relationships don't last longer than 2 months and I'm usually the one who tries to keep it together but then again I'm just a high schooler
-AR

I don't even know what I'd do if I got a girlfriend.

I'm so used to being by myself, "going out and having fun" feels like an alien concept.
All the things I do for fun or as a hobby are solo activities.

I'd bore the shit out of her.

>>18309170
Seeing you again was the best fucking thing in the world and i love you so much and wish you didn't focus on that guy so much who clearly doesn't love you because it's only going to give your more pain.

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>>18311752
Stop browsing 4chan. To be more precise, turn off every electronic device you have, including TV, laptop, etc. Let yourself be bored.

You might also be depressed. Is there something wrong with your sleep schedule? How many hours you sleep? Fatigue and your limb feeling are to be explained with the lack of proper nutrition, as well as lack of sleep could also cause that. Try your best to maintain it properly, using a calendar. First week will be a disaster. Nothing but feeling of unease.

A dysfunctional human being like me doesn't deserve an angel like you but pls go out with me
Don't think I am a creep because I followed you around, I just couldn't talk to you

I'm too old, not attractive enough

I just can't

What a feeling, what a feeling

>>18311823
>calls someone they can't even talk to an "angel"
>follows her around

Hate to break it to you, mate, but you're a textbook example of a creepy motherfucker.

>>18311816
Well I sleep about 6 or 7 hours every day. I have trouble falling asleep until it's late like 3 AM.
And I guess you are right, I need to turn my 4chan time into something else.

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>>18311831
I would also add. You don't have to turn your time. Accept your boredom, accept that you waste your time and enjoy wasting it. No matter how counterproductive and paradoxical it sounds. You could restore your sleep schedule by not sleeping at all, for a day. It does help for me. It's a matter of discipline, though. Any physical activity you do? I prefer swimming. Is there any possibility you could get into swimming? Any health conditions that will prevent you doing that?

I want you to talk to me, I have some free time. What are you feeling at the current moment? Do you feel you can be honest with an random stranger, over the Internet?

>>18311828
How old? Just curious what age people start to think like this.

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well that was predictable. you people are a cancer that must be excised.

Hi. I'm sorry I'm too attached, I talk all the time and I feel the need to be close to you. You teach me a lot. You really do. And all I hope is that you can see how much you are and how much you mean to me. All those things I said, they're all true. But I can't stand you getting better and I staying on the same whole... I hope you live a happy life, and I wish all the good stuff in life because I know you've been trough a lot. I'm sorry we never gonna see each other again. Keep fighting. Love you.

>>18311868
Get out frog poster. Pepe is dead. >>>/pol/

I don't want to hang out.

>>18310430
Get the closure you need, anon. Don't hesitate.

I'm in a really shit place right now and wanted to kill myself for the last four years but my fear of disappointing you and leaving you alone with her always held me back.
I dont talk about these things with anybody and I dont know who to turn to.
Please help me

>>18311092
i feel you

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>>18311969

my friend accidentally got me pregnant. so much for getting my master's degree... my parents kicked me out of the house so now i'm living in his basement. we're both 18 and have shitty part time retail jobs. trying to rent an apartment now. he also wants to get married but i don't. i fucked my whole life up in a matter of weeks.

i love you but you are just immature. I will leave this place and be happy without you. Why did you even contact me again if your not ready for a relationship?

Some months ago I made an album. While I was making it I was thinking about you. The album it's about you. Thank god you don't know about it yet. If you did you would get appalled. Or flattered. I don't know.
-T

>>18312011
What you have at 18, is what I've cried to have at 31.

Time will pass and you will note, that you truly lived. While others merely existed. Some of us die without love. Think about that.

Have this child. And raise it like you've wanted it for an eternity.

God bless you.

i hate every aspect of my brain that is filled with useless fucking internet inside jokes because im not even friends with anyone that understands them
like this takes up a ridiculous amount of my brain space and i wanna fucking delete it all

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I miss her but can't bring myself to fix things. I just angry and sad when thinking about her. She just sent me this, it kinda feels good hearing from her, knowing that she still seems to care. I don't know if we can just be friends, we have fooled around in the past but I got too attached to her and ended things for my own sake. What do?

E ......did it hurt me when you chose her? I mean a little. .....I did finally get you to say those words to me bluntly. thats all i wanted you had me in this make believe limbo ..but i knew the answer all along I just wanted to hear it from you. "I don't know" as an answer for everything only gets you so far with someone.....stay with the one that you know. ...her.... but all in all I'm beginning to believe we were never meant to cross paths and if so it should've been in different circumstance any how It was good knowing you -S

At one point I believed you touched the depths of my soul but I began to understand that my perspective was a bit off. I noticed that I was idealizing you because you came around at a time I was receptive to it. One day I came to realize the version of me you were trying to create no matter how sincere, was an act of a courting ritual and an overstatement of real emotions. I was a """special girl""", but not that special. I was receptive to your tactics because of elation due to my hopes and openness towards you. The relationship I had with my parents mirrored your treatment towards me and often left me depressed and anxious; it left me seeing things unclearly in the beginning, throughout our relationship, and in the end. I am left to assume that is what extended trauma does to a person. The constant sweeping of feelings and emotions - anxiety and confusion, ruminating about you had distorted my perception of reality.

The fact that you seriously think being falsely accused of rape is worse than actual rape makes you an asshole. It doesn't help that you had no response to the fact that tons of celebrities and other powerful people remain in positions of power and just kept repeating yourself. I like how when I pointed out actual statistical data, you claimed it was "fake" (even though it was corroborated by the FBI and various other sources), and when I proved myself, you jumped on this retarded moral high horse of "caring about the underrepresented 2%" (funnily enough, you didn't care about the amount of rape/sexual assault victims who go ignored or accused of lying or have their abusers face no repercussions because of their social power).
This argument already happened long ago, but something reminded me of it and now I'm angry again. Go fuck yourself, buddy.

>>18312093
Fuck men who say this shit

>>18311776
Oh god are you me? How old are you?

I'm 27 and the anxiety and dread of having done nothign with my life is paralysing. And I'm dead envious of anyone I meet that has a rich life, however good or bad it may be...I have nothing to bring into their life, I feel like a worm.
And this only makes me need to distract myself more with games, movies, books...

Anon let's erase and rewind. I rather die than watch myself grow old and empty

please help me

I am so disgusted by you. How did you think I was going to react when you told me you "had always wanted to fuck me", and that "It's my fault for being so hot?" Is it a milennial thing to have no sexual or moral boundaries? We were raised the same way, you're my brother, and somehow you got the incest bug and I didn't?

I don't want to come home and visit our parents any more because I know you'll be there. I don't want to sit in the living room in my pyjamas, knowing what you're thinking when you're looking at me. I'm looking back at every family interaction, every time you looked at me, and trying to work out if it was something I did to make you think that your advance would be accepted.

I find this disgusting. I find you disgusting. But you're such a failiure at life, that I'm scared that if I stop taking care of you, you'll just give up like before.

I will resent you for the rest of your life and I won't tell you. And you're so socially retarded you probably won't even notice

>>18312156

Shit that's dark.

I just wish I felt good enough to go to work tomorrow. I miss my job. It's only been two days since I was last there. Why do I have to be so sick?

>>18312186
I was going to post a thread, but I decided while writing this that my conclusion was the only one.

There's nothing like a bit of secret deep-seated sibling resentment to ruin a family.

>>18312241
Is it something you'd bring up to your parents? Maybe offer advice towards the direction of therapy for him? Family consoling so you can have your feelings validated and thoughts heard? Very sorry for the circumstance, femanon.

>>18312252
He's at uni, surrounded by fags and fetishists who want to "develop" his kinks - I think he thinks it's normal.

The last time my parents tried to make him do anything (go to school), he cut off all contact, failed out of school and lived in trash off student loans until he had to beg me for money to prevent him becoming homeless. He would never go to therapy, he's "too lazy"

Im so ugly
I hate that I was brought into this life
Its literally a living hell
not just because Im ugly but because of all the other circumstances too
Life is a fucking hell

>>18312156
Could be GSA (genetic sexual attraction).

>How did you think I was going to react when you told me you "had always wanted to fuck me", and that "It's my fault for being so hot?"

Assortative mating by physical and mental attributes meaning he's attracted to you because he sees a lot of himself in you physically and emotionally. A female version of himself he can depend and rely on and confide to. With that said, it is uncommon between people raised together in early childhood but possible.

>Is it a milennial thing to have no sexual or moral boundaries?

Not really logical but somehow this is how I'd rationalize the situation if I was in your situation.

are you telling me that all my friends are escorts? Like, not just in the specific case of me, but that is their profession? Like, when it comes to my scenario I would understand. Literally everyone I know is an actor and this is all fake... and if they were in my life that means they would have to be getting paid.

What about all their art? Is that all fake? They are just pretty faces you put behind other people's paintings?

Again... it would seem ok if it was just my specific case but if that is just what they do for a living I'm going to be incredibly sad. That's just so depressing and sad...

I'm beginning to really really hate sex. It's the worst thing to ever happen to humans.

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I have a foot fetish, and NO one except me knows about it.

>>18312313
I don't think that you can pay an escort to pretend to be your friend - to share intimite emotions, and leisure time. Was it just a pre-existing friendship group you became a part of?

Escorts can be artists - probably they didn't want to tell you about a part of their life they're ashamed of.

A job is a job.

Also those messages you send me on twitter do nothing for me other than make me even more sad. They are incredibly patronizing knowing that there isn't a real person behind them.

That last one was bizarre. Maryvic? Who the fuck is that?

>>18312327
stop pretending like you don't know what this is.

>>18312288
The numbers got me to do some serious research - whether it's because of cultural taboo, or some evolved defense against inbreeding, children are supposed to be desensitised to sexual attraciton towards siblings during childhood. That this has not happened is probably a sign of developmental problems, which I was already aware of.

Praise kek for getting me out of my own head.

>>18312346
>Praise kek
Eh.

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Today has been a really hard day. I just really need a hug.

>>18312363
Get all wrapped up in a comforter, then play one of those thai commercials to make you cry, close your eyes, and imagine the warmth of your computer is my warmth. I'm hugging you through the internet, anon! I'm squeezing you really hard so I hope you can feel me with you! I want you to feel safe and warm, so I'm squashing you nice and tight. Tomorrow will be much better, I know it!

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>>18312372

>>18309170
whenever a friend tells me about her single friends i feel bad

i think she has a grossly overinflated sense of my attractiveness

I hate my fiance. She's a lazy asshole who won't get a job.

Its been a while since i heard from you. I remember it clearly the last word you tell me. "Goodbye."

I am scared to text you. And i still love you. I hope everything is okay in your life. I just wish we could be friends. Start things over again.. I guess that is just a dream. I miss you, P. I hope you have a wonderful day ahead of you.

Someone please tell me what to do.

I made 2 friends on this site and would talk to them thru apps and Skype etc. Although we talked for a very long time I never gave them my #. The first one I talked to for years and the second one I talked to for months. The first one I was always honest with - I've been in a long term relationship for years and am engaged. He was always a friend to me. I have always cared for him but never had romantic inclinations. He's a 26 y/o KHV and completely hopeless and I always wanted to cheer him up and take him under my wing and help him. The second one I kept my relationship hidden from him because he was interesting but I knew if I told him I was taken right away he would have dropped me. I was seriously lonely and one friend wasn't enough. I started to really get to know him and feel guilty. I told him at some point I started seeing someone to see his reaction and he was cool. At some point I started to feel guilty for my fiancé, keeping friends with guys he didn't know who I thought might like me as more than a friend. I ghosted them. It was easy because I was busy and emotionally overwhelmed with family issues, but now I'm alone and constantly wondering and I feel bad. I don't know if I should reach out to them and come clean or not. I'm not sure if I should even talk to them again because the cycle might still repeat and I feel bad for talking to them in the first place. It's so strange and I don't know. But I care for them. What would you do?

>>18312390

LOL umm break up with her? wtf

it does seem like you do things on purpose. She was young, but she had gorgeous eyes.

You know who.

>>18312445
Seeing girls like that just makes me feel so incredibly ugly.

Come on, that has to be a setup. Red hair, steel blue eyes.

>>18312390
>I hate my fiance.

This is probably due to a a mental blockage since she won't get a job.

>She's a lazy asshole who won't get a job.

You can’t force her to do what you want her to do, but at the same time it sounds as if she is not fulfilling something that is agreed upon when (if) you both decide to get married, "I will work to make a life together". Encourage her to try and motivate her, help her set deadlines to get a job or at least an interview, accept the possibility she may be a stay at home mom.

What does it meeeeean, C?

My mind keeps tricking me to think that she likes me or even has an interest in me even though she rejected me. I see stuff that remind me with her every day and most of the time whenever I go to college, she's the first person I see and my mind tries to make me feel as it's destiny and not a mere confidence. I try to make myself believe that I'm move her but every once and a while I think or dream about her. Seeing her in college makes my body go into a alert mood and sometimes I just want to keep walking to where she is standing. I don't even know if I'm in love with her or it's just a crush even though it has been more than 3 years. I immediately crushed hard on her when I saw her in campus and it only made me happier when I found out that we share the same classes. Sometimes she jokes with my bestfriend and I feel that she's teasing me or trying to make me jealous. We're not even friends.

>>18312438
You were emotionally cheating on your fiancé which is why you felt guilty. You did the right thing by your fiancé by ghosting your "friends". The 26-year-old KHV would eventually drain you and leave you physically and mentally exhausted. The other one sounded like he wanted you around at his leisure, be honest with yourself: does that sound like a behavior a friend would display? You should be free to make your own friends even though you're engaged, just like your fiancé - I'm sure - has female friends. You could try going out andorganically meeting people at a clothing store, a supermarket, a gym, a sport event, or a neighbor.

>tfw
i will always associate this with "their face when" and not "that feel when".
fuck you all

>>18309958
I feel the same, anon. Happiness is just temporary.

I think I fall in love with every girl I see. Like, I don't want to fuck them but I want to snug them and kiss them and love on them.

>>18312499
Same

>>18312511
Kind of creepy but sweet. You mean well by what you said and that's all that matters in the end. Try not to turn into a stalker with rapey tendencies.

If I have the greenlight...

Then why aren't I going anywhere? Why isn't anything happening?

We all know it's not up to me.

So what is going on?

I love one girl in my class, but I can't tell her

>>18312372
Thank you for the kind words anon.

do you think anyone is going to want to sleep in the same bed as me if I end up punching them in the face 5 times a night?

I want to die.

>>18312560
but why anon ?

>>18312484
damn man, i know how you feel, only thing different is that she's trying to be my best friend and i'm trying to avoid her so i can move on..

I'm going to try not to write you letters here anymore.

I know you don't read them, and it's a waste of fucking time.

You. You are a waste of fucking time.

I'm so glad in this moment that you decided to dump me in the cruelest way possible.

You are human scum.

I'll still talk to you and all, because relationship woes aside you're an incredible person.

But deep down inside, where your heart is supposed to be, lies a Rubix cube and a cash register.

>>18312489
Thank you anon, I needed that

>>18312583
PTSD isn't forever - with therapy, you can drastically reduce its effects. Meanwhile, I found it helpful to have a radio playing gently while I was sleeping, and to use separate sheets, so we could still sleep close, but with less risk.

>see fb posts of women complaining about shitty exes
>see news articles where women are killing themselves because they are alone
>realize that you're less attractive than jobless abusive drug addicts and some women would literally rather kill themselves than date you

I wish sex wasn't such a big part of a relationship to me. My mind wanders and I think about how easy it would be to cheat on you. How I've already turned down a chance to have sex with somebody else. But I won't be that kind of person. I won't ruin an otherwise perfect relationship with you. I won't hurt you like that. I care about you and I won't do it. I just wish I could feel close to you in that way. I wish you could please me physically.

If I had known you were going to complain to my manager I would not have offered you a ride when it was pouring down rain.

>>18312658
>>18312658
>>realize that you're less attractive than jobless abusive drug addicts and some women would literally rather kill themselves than date you

Women who don't even know you killing themselves has nothing to do with you, how egocentric do you have to be Anon

>>18312683
that's in a general sense, but my first point still stands.

that other dude seems more cute and cleancut I must say.

don't call me sweetie/babe/say I love you/etc., and then tag yourself in photos with him though.

She doesn't like me back, fuck my life

>>18312695
Yeah, but the point is pretty fucked anyway.

Listen. If these women are dating shitty men over and over, why would you WANT to date them?? If these women are looking in the "wrong pool" for love, maybe you are too. There's 7.5 billion people on the planet and over half of them are women, not all of them are Stacies looking for the next Chad Thundercock, despite what the internet tells you

Get off /pol9k/ if you think this is reality

I understand that you weren't ready for a relationship when I asked you out and wanted to stay friends. Thanks for wishing me all the best in the future, but you set the standard too high for me to like any other girl. It will probably slowly kill me in the long run but I'll wait for you anyway.

T.

A while ago I was talking about you with my bf. I said that I wondered where you are in life. I wondered if you've gotten another job yet. You probably haven't. And he said that even though you're not a great person, he wishes you well. I wonder if he would still say that if he knew everything you did to me. If he knew you had raped me. If he knew how you manipulated me and constantly pushed me to the edge of sanity. How you literally tried to abduct me. Maybe he would still wish you well. After all, I do. I still have some unresolved resentment, but I hope you get better and can be happy. But if you ever treat another girl the way you treated me, I hope you don't get away with it. I hope you learned your lesson this time. I know I did. I will never let anyone do those things to me again. I hope we can both continue to grow and fix our faults. Maybe one day in the future, I'll hear about what a caring person you've become. And all this pain I've been through will be worth it. I hope you can find a beautiful girl and settle down with her. And love her the way you should've loved me. Your life isn't over. It's just beginning.

>>18312430
Why are you scared? Let them know you want to be friends, maybe it'll work out.

i surround myself with broken and fucked up people just so i can look at myself and feel a little more normal. does that make me just as fucked up? i hate myself

>>18312758
Are you sure that's why you do it? Because I do the same thing, but it's because I'm an empath, and I try to take care of them.

You really did a number on me, after all the shit you put me through and I still am 100% into you. And you couldn't just let me leave my way, you lured me back in wanting to be friends.. there will never be just friends again for us. It's me pathetically falling in love with you everytime you laugh, pout, and scheme and it's you pretending we never existed.

There was this girl I really liked her, but wasn't man enough to actually ask her out, was pretty lonely and we stayed friends because I enjoy her company. She then got a boyfriend and it made me sad and mad, because in my crazy head we could still be together.
Turns out the guy is pretty nice, and we became friends, and it makes me feel such a cuck.
I don't like feeling like a cuck.
I am sad, but happy that she found an okay guy.

Is there a name for when someone speaks in this sort of tone outside of an argument/general disagreement?
>Fine, just do whatever the fuck you want!! God!
Or is it just called being pissy? I hope the correct tone can get across through text so what I'm asking makes sense.

>>18309170
I've never felt so much love for her. We were so different, yet I felt such a strong bond. Now, she's going away. We've never made it past the friend stage, but she was a good person.

I will never see her, or hear about her again. I can only be left and wonder what she will do in her exceptional life, while I wallow in my somber mood.

>>18312720
>Get off /pol9k/ if you think this is reality
I wish more people understood that a lot of the nonsense they read on this website is fabricated and that they should never take any of it to heart.

>>18312720
if anything you were saying was relevant to me i wouldn't get turned down by literally everyone i've talked to

i appreciate your effort, but it's hard not to feel the way i do after constant rejection and absolutely no success despite being a great person

Saturday night and I'm here, typing something just because. One day and a half left until I have to go to work again, fuck me. I can't take that fucking job, but it's the one I have, so I just have to deal. Depression is going well, I guess. I feel awful most of the time, but at least I'm not feeling anguish anymore, just apathy. I wish I would meet a nice girl to hang out with and have some fun, maybe start a relationship with, but I got used to living without any of that, so I'm fine on that end. I need to study in order to get into university next year, but I'm not. That's bad. I should go to classes instead of hanging out with some buddies at the nearby bar, drinking and getting high, but it feels much better than going to the classes, and it's a bit of relaxing after work, so what can I do? Now, about the thing that has really been on my mind, my psychosis. I'm getting used to the idea that nobody can listen to my thoughts, but I still can't shake off the things I went through. It just felt too fucking real. Anyways, just time will tell if I'm sane now or not.

I've woken up to the idea that we probably weren't ever meant to be romantically involved.I hate saying that because it sounds like I'm looking at it with disregard or remorse like "it never mattered" or whatever precious bullshit, I don't mean that at all. For me, I think I just assumed that someone I related to intellectually and emotionally on such a scale would automatically mean I could relate to them romantically. But as soon as we made that transition, there was always something off. Even in the early days. It sounds awful to admit that but I'm pretty sure you know what I mean. Being intimate at times almost felt like a project that we had to maintain and improve, not something we just did because we felt like it. Yet we could talk endlessly over shit, laughing, ranting, sharing all the weird things we do and like. I miss that so much, like you wouldn't believe.

I'm sorry that I took it so badly. I was so insistent on wanting to have a relationship that I would routinely dismiss and bury all the doubt that I always had, all the stuff you talked about when we broke up, stuff that on some suppressed level I understood completely. But clearly I wanted to feel betrayed and hurt so I just did, and I hurt you because by the most shallow analysis possible you were the obvious enemy.

So it's not the fact that we're not together that gets me down anymore. It's the fact that even with all this considered, I know I still want you in my life, in some way, however small. You're a fucking cool person that I feel really lucky to have met. I would've preferred we just drifted apart doing our own thing than have this horrible void caused by some shitty reactionary words that I regret.

>>18312822
Just about everyone thinks they themselves are great, but you need to step back and start evaluating your words, actions, attitude, everything. Even then it's incredibly hard to look at yourself through an unbiased view, or you'll think there's nothing wrong with x behavior, etc etc so it's easy to miss something which is unattractive.

It's good to keep in mind that people can sense if you aren't being genuine from a mile away too.

I hope your feelings for me fade, because I don't want to reject you.

The first reason is that I don't find you attractive. It sounds shallow, and I feel like a cunt for saying it, but it's true. Sometimes you change up your looks, and I try reconsider and look at you in a different light but.. nothing. You aren't even that bad looking. It's just my subjective taste and I feel selfish for abiding by it.

The second reason is that, while we do agree on stuff, our discussions sort of just circle the drain. We reinforce each other's ideas and it becomes an echo chamber without a solution. It's good for validation at times, but more often than not it ends up being a soft emotional dump on each other. Fine, since we're friends now, but if we were dating it would end up poisoning our relationship as we offload insecurities onto each other without any real insight or resolution.

In short, I don't see a future for us. Maybe fun for a fling, but I know I at least would quickly fall into complacency and frustration, and things would deteriorate from there.

If I ignored those things, and forced myself into a relationship with you on the hopes of things improving, that is even more insulting.
I can't lie to you and to myself. That would only end in more harm and hurt.

>>18311084
You don't think your bf could do that for you?Talk to him about it and give it a try, you never now what people like.

Btw there's alot of people who have rape fetish

>>18312838
so, should i ask a friend or something to tell me what's wrong with me? i'm just myself, you know? i don't think the mistakes i make are all that bad

>>18312841
This is something you should tell them immediately. If that person is putting a lot of effort into a relationship with you and you don't find them attractive you're ultimately stringing them along. It gives an impression that you're insensitive and only look after yourself - that you were using them for your personal gain. At least by talking to the other person you give yourself some dignity and have control over the situation.

>>18309170

How can everyone care about such nonsensical bullshit.

Retarded cliche fictional characters everyone pretend matter.

Everyone cares about how food tastes and they're not even chefs.

Everyone cares about what cars they drive and they don't even care about cars.

Indebting their lives for shit they don't need, and got tired of the day they brought it home, and say managing money is hard.

My technical "money managing skills" are too complicated for them.

I call it

>not spending a fucking dime more than you earn

They say thats what credit cards are for. I ask them "why"

They say because poor people wanna buy cool shit too.

>you don't need cool shit

If you diverted 1/10 the time you spend looking at google ads and read business/philosophy books you'd be a 10x greater person.

Maybe fucking five minutes a day you played an a guitar and THEN went to look at google ads you'd still be a better person.

You know what? Burn that guitar. How about taking up as many jobs as possible and donate all your money to a cause you believe in.

Maybe some little moral effort to making this world a better place.

but no. You leave it to the few like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Albert Eisntein, and Warren Buffet to do all the pushing for you.

Then you dare call them the "evil 1% took all of our money"

No faggots, they just spent 100x the amount of time you did to becoming a better person. And now they lead the world to the light of technology and wealth.

know when to hold em and know when to fold em.

I wish I could be close to you. Physically and emotionally. I'm jealous of your feelings for her. I know that's utterly hypocritical and unfair. I love getting to know you differently and seeing your depth. I wonder if you're still attracted or if it's platonic for you now. I'm literally dripping wet most of the time when you're around.

>>18312856
Fortunately this person and I are not in an active relationship, nor have we ever been. The extent of our relationship has been as friends.

After I helped them through something, there was a period of heavy attention/flirtation from them their direction. I made it clear (at least, I tried to make it as clear as possible, I believe the message got across), that I only helped as person ought to, nothing special. Since then things have considerably simmered down.
At the moment, their treatment of me doesn't seem to be anything different from how they treat others (if a bit favorable due to agreeing on most things and having known each other longer than some of the others in the social circle).

I'm not going to assume their fondness has faded entirely, but I'm not going to bring the subject up if I don't need to, if the problem has already solved itself through natural means. They are fairly keen on picking up the emotions of others, and I was not reciprocative to their more-than-friends attentions.

Thinking as I type this, my post was a bit out-of-date, and more about me reconsidering the scenario once again and coming to the same conclusion I always do. So, thanks, anon.

You want a committed relationship - well, I'd fucking marry you in a heartbeat. You like me back. I don't give a shit if you screw up. I won't cheat on you. You don't have to be rich to date me. No one waits forever. You'll only make both of us miserable if you wait. Stop hiding.

I'm a senior in highschool, and I've been flirting with one of my teachers throughout the entire year...more as I've gotten to know him. My friends who have lunch and his class with me (I hang out with him during lunch) have all separately verified that he has a crush on me, without me even prompting to ask.

They don't seem weirded out at all. I'm not sure if that's because this teacher is only 7 years older than us, or they've seen us interact and they think it's only natural that such an attraction would occur... regardless, I really believe them. I make it explicitly obvious that I'm coming on to him, even so much as others commenting that we're flirting; and he's done nothing to deter my behavior. In fact, he incites it, encourages it, and reciprocates it (saying my laugh is cute, drawing inside jokes on my papers, hugging me), even going so far as to request I not 'play' with him in front of other teachers because he KNOWS how it looks.

He's (conveniently) getting laid off/downsized, and he has stressed that he wants to keep contact on facebook after I graduate. I really, really like him, physically and intellectually, and would want to have something serious, hypothetically, but I think that any 'situation' between us after graduation would foster something...not great, so to speak. I think he legitimately wants to pursue me, but as much as I like him, I don't think that's wise at all. By all legal standards, we 'check out', and we converse perfectly fine, but the different stages in life we're at really has me caught. I still live with my parents, and I won't have a car or a job until summer, plus, being only 18, I'm not fully mentally developed either. I would want us to be equals...we would be able to within ~2 years from now, but why on earth would he want to wait that long?

This is just..such a fucked up, sad situation. I never thought innocuous flirting would get me this far. I wish I didn't have feelings for him.

>>18312753
I tried, anon. But he said to delete his phone number and everything..

>>18312989
don't be a retard- go have his babies

can we please end this? Just tell me what is going on already for fuck's sake. What's the point of all of this?

As for my meds, can you please give me my adderall tomorrow? Not the shitty XR version either.

Please?

I'm not going to give up on getting those meds. We all know that I'm going to get them illegally when this is through anyways so can you at least acknowledge this fact and give me my meds to help me through this?

>>18313009
He's fucking awesome, I adore him. I just can't get over how uneven our dynamic would be for some time.

Do you legitimately think I should give it a chance? I guess I'm looking to get this off my chest, and for advice.

>>18313013
yes
and what 'dynamic'? you're supposed to get married early to an older, successful man and give him piles of babies


do you really want to end up as a 30 something worn out loser, looking back and wondering what could have been?

>>18313020
You have a point. I don't want to have regrets, I've already gotten this far... Ahh...I don't know...

But uh, jokes aside, he's not very successful. Poor lad got laid off on a TEACHER salary, as if he didn't already get paid shit. He has terrible luck.

im so scared youre gonna leave me completely, ill never be able to find someone else who actually truly loved me. just please love me again. i feel so lonely since our flame burnt out

>>18313048
I don't think I'm capable of love anymore.

>>18313048
Find your place in the universe, become comfortable being alone. It isn't healthy to completely rely on someone to feel validated.

>>18313050
Same, man.

>>18312601
Tbh I'd be content with just having her as a friend let a lone a best friend

This is incredibly freaky...

All of these "wake up" messages...

"Are you living in the real world?"

The rise of these stupid spinners. All these inception related things.

I know I'm not living in the real world, that my life is fake. It's manufactored. But I don't know what that means. Is this a simulation? Is it real, but Truman Show esque? Is a simulation AND truman show?

Am I real person? Am I an android? Or just a clone? Do I have parents or was I grown in a tube? Or am I just an AI.

Are my memories real? If not, then when was I actually born? Was I born an adult, implanted fake memories? A replicant?

Just what is going on?

Why won't anyone tell me?

Please, PLEASE tell me what is happening. My mind is so fucked right now.

>>18310096
I wish this letter was for me, but the initials are off.... Le sigh.

File: avatar_1488262164474.jpg (13KB, 540x420px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 540x420px

>>18313241
Dude lay off the cowboy Bebop and go outside

>>18312927
Know when to walk away, know when to run

>>18312927
>>18313378
you never count your money when you're sittin at the table

I wish I was pretty :(

You know... I reached out to you a few months ago hoping to reawaken that connection we had, desperate to feel that intangible thread wrap around our essences and pull us together one last time. As lame as it may sound to you right now, it would have been a tremendous source of comfort for me.

I needed the courage that comes with reciprocity, however, in order to share my bad news.... we haven't truly spoken in so long.

You once told me that you felt an immense relief simply having the knowledge I existed somewhere out here in the great unknown. That I was alive and breathing on this earth in the same time period that you were.

I wonder if you'll even notice a difference when that's no longer the case.

It's not bothering me nearly as much as I thought it would (to think you won't even notice). Maybe I'm feeling a strange bit of relief. If you aren't affected by me anymore, at least not to the degree we've always affected one another, then I'm praying that the old adage "ignorance is bliss" rings true in this case.

You never needed to hear bad news from me, anyway. Just imagine me happy and living well and that's where I'll live on, in your memories forever.

I want you to take care of yourself and be happy always.

I fucking love you, always have and I always will. I'll see you on the other side.

>>18313416
Oh my God anon. This is the kind of shit people find in letters after the person who wrote it already died. As hard as it would be, I think you should tell this person. If you are close, they would want to know.

>>18313416
>>18313440
Ah. Not sure what's going on, but I hope somehow that all will be well. See you on the other side of the sea, anon18313416.

>>18313440
>>18313450
Thanks for the moral support famalam, I really love you guys

Please end this now.

I'm so lonely. I'm so fucking lonely and it's of no fault of my own. You've set my life up to be like this, you've separated me from the world. You do all of this to make me lonely on purpose.

Why? Why are you doing this to me?

Can you please give me my medication tomorrow at least? If you aren't going to free me, to give me free will, to allow me to talk to people again (which means also telling me the truth...)

At least give me my meds so I can focus. So I can focus on something other than this hole in my chest.

I'm tired of being single. Will I have to settle? Should I try to hint something at that guy even though he's clearly not interested? No, of course not. We're colleagues. Sigh. I wish it wasn't so rare for me to like someone

>>18313537
I feel ya anon. Now I don't know whether you are gay or a female but I'm in the same shoe. I feel as if I'm going to be alone forever and the only girl I truly liked/loved rejected me
See
>>18312484

>>18313565
Oh I know how that feels. I spent 6 years crushing on a boy from school I had to see every day. Even though I got rejected at the first one. Whether someone could be interested in you is usually pretty clear. Yet the mind always wants to make you believe you have a chance, hah. It seems the only solution is to avoid them at all costs. You'll find someone else you like though, that's for sure.

I drive up 40+ miles to visit my family for the mothers day weekend and this is what I receive.

now everyones drunk and arguing, just had to break up a fight between my mom and sister and dad. ive called the cops numerous times but held off on it this time around. no need to lock the people I love up for drunken stupidity. however enough is enough.

I cant deal with this, its why I moved away. its why I drink nearly every night and I cant take it anymore.

it just hurts and youre 1000+ miles away and I just need someone to hold and talk too. I come from a broken home and you at least understand that.

why im sitting here crying my eyes out like a little kid I don't know why but this hurts.

You're the reason I fucking became depressed you deserve the shit that's happening to you

>>18313583
Yeah, I had a crush on her for 3 years. She didn't really show any interest in me but brain had it ways and made me go and say that I've liked her. My brain still trying to make me think that she likes me even though she rejected me.

Hope the fat fuck sounded like a squealing pig when he died. You have so much more coming your way. Rot in hell

I want to go to a psychologist, but I don't know how to tell my parents, I'm not particularly close to any of them and I don't feel like saying why I want to go, which btw is because I believe I might have a combination of anxiety, low self-esteem, no self confidence and I've been feeling like I'm doomed to be a failure lately.

I spent 5 years trying to find the answer, I gave up everything and destroyed myself on the way, I got my answer...

It cost me all my friends, it cost me my ability to trust and socialize... And I think it cost me my mind as well...

I have nothing left except for silence and the implications of the answer was given.

I was actually being watched. I was right.

tuesday
just have to make it until tuesday
that is what that meant, right? please?

I wish you knew how much this hurt me
maybe then you'd believe me

>>18313863
Talk to me

I'm so sad that you don't care about me. It really hurts you never wanted to talk to me as a friend and didn't tell me at all.

>>18313884
i want to
but you told me i had to wait and have resolve
please tell me how to be better

>>18313968
Do you recall the last time we spoke?

>>18314005
it was only 15 hours ago
they were a really long 15 hours though
do i really have to suffer for things to be okay?

I want to get away now. Maybe take one-way plane ride to Europe and leave off from there, take nothing but a backpack, camera, and a journal to jot down my thoughts and experiences.

Ive always wanted to visit pacific Asian countries. I was told Vietnam is a breathtaking place.

I cant stand this place, these people, these pressures and anxieties. My family doesn't care nor does my girlfriend, I try to stick my neck out for those I think care about me and nothing is met. I had an awful night and tried to talk to my girlfriend about it and she seemed uninterested, said she was very tired and wanted to sleep. My family doesn't want to talk either, all my best friends are off doing whatever.

I don't want to die. Life is a gift. I just need to get away from everyone. That's all.

>>18314018
Ah, I'm not that person. My apologies. The last time I spoke to my person was a month ago.

>>18314021
Can I come with you?

>>18314025
yeah, i knew that
it was nice to pretend for a moment, though

>>18314031
Thanks for role playing with me, anon. Sweet dreams.

>>18313241
Feeling this shit right here myself si fucking hard. Doesn't help the world gone cra, too.

>>18314026
yes, of course.

I just want out really. If I up and left tomorrow id be content with myself. I would feel no pressure to tell anyone. I feel this strange satisfaction with that, just to leave one day and never tell anyone. Throw my phone into a trashcan and just go. I don't expect them to understand, but I just want away from everyone. Ive been lied to and mistreated my whole life so I could care less if anyone is concerned of my well-being. I don't wish harm on anyone, I just want away from it all.

Join me in my journey, friend. I don't know your name or story but would love someone to travel with.