Cutting out some "friends"?

>>18305111
CONT: I never slept over at their house because I was worried she'd try to make a move on me. One day we all went to their place to hang out after work(we all worked together), I was literally eating my dinner and she came and sat on my lap, said she loved me and kissed me. I resisted but because she did it infront of everyone(6+ of us there) I didn't want to embarass her and I admit, I let her make out with me. She told me to take her "drunken ass" to her bedroom and fuck her however I wanted. I said no, that it was too sudden and that I didn't really have a relationship with her. Plus my friend she'd broken up with, I said I'd have to make sure he was cool with it first at least. She got angry and stormed off to her bedroom.
I left their apartment and immediately felt ill, I didn't feel excitement or a rush as you typically would. She then texted me and apologized, said that it was because she was drunk and that she didn't mean any of it. I said it was fine and for her to have a goodnight.

>>18305113
CONT:A couple more months passed and she kept sleeping around/going on dates and telling me about them. This was not a turn on, especially after telling me that she'd "made a mistake with my ex, I always liked you, but went for him when we got drunk together. You're the love of my life.". I kept wondering how the love of her life, could be cast aside all the time for random drunk hookups.
Her ex finally started seeing someone and as I'd spent the past months talking to her on and off and driving her home/helping her out with things; I began to consider dating her. But she loved to drink to drunk, fell many times/ended up with bruises and even a busted face once. It really worried me about her stbaility long term. So I talked to my friend about it, and he flat out told me that she'd cheated on her ex, and tried to go home with a guy from the bar also once but was stopped by a sober friend.
My dumbass thought "But she said she loves me, maybe I can work it through with her?". I kept trying to talk about the drinking/partying/smoking problem with her. She flat out refused to many times and once her roommate(who shared similar behavior) told me that if those things bothered me, that I might as well not even bother because she wouldn't change. Not even for me.

>>18305116
CONT:I said, "Well, she's nice...when she's sober and attractive enough. Might as well go for it". My birthday came around and my friends got me a group gift, I thought she thought it up and texted her a thank you. She told me that she hadn't been a part of that, that she had gotten me something but that I hadn't seemed happy lately; so she decided not to give me the gift...this left me super stunned and I just laughed it off.
Two suicide attempts in my family and a divorce later, I was shellshocked and didn't know what to do. I went to her and we...went out for drinks(of course) and I told her that I wasn't ready to talk about what was wrong, but that I was dealing with some heavy things and that it was the reason for my distance, not her. She was happy after, we left arm in arm, drove around the city and I dropped her off home(She was too drunk to drive her car back). She kissed me in the car and said that "You're the guy that I want to be with, not some random from a bar". I left, confident in our growing foundation for a relationship and that I had nothing to worry about. But still I kept thinking back to the birthday gift thing and seriously getting cold feet.
Three weeks later of minimal communication(Dealing with family insanity), I call her up on valentines day and she tells me that she's going on a date. I don't think I even processed it. I called my good friend and he said "She's been seeing the guy since begining of February). I kind of just went silent since my birthday had been on January 251th, we'd made out/talked on February 9th, and February 14, she'd already been seeing the guy for that long.

>>18305121
CONT: I went immediately to her to talk, she told me "he's putting in a lot of effort; sorry" and I left in a miserable heap but with my head up high. A week later her roomate dumped my friend as well after snorting cocaine at the bar with some randoms. My friend and myself were both fucked up(Him more than me obviously since he actually dated his girl for 2+ years, while I actually never dated mine). I got angry at our third mutual friend and asked him why he knew this about her and this guy, but didn't tell me anything. He told me he wasn't sure of the status between us. I asked how they met and he said that *Drum-roll* they met in the bar across from her house.
This was smack dab in the middle of final exams at university as well and between that, work and my family; I was at my breaking point. Especially since I worked with her. Suddenly she started bringing the guy to work almost everyday, eating there with him in-front of me, etc. I wrote it off as her trying to hurt me(And for what?) and tried to ignore it.

>>18305122
FIN: That is the background as hastily as I can. The problem now in May is that while things have improved and I don't really care anymore, even when I see her at work because she became a huge bitch after leaving me for the new guy and started talking down to me, even at work. Our manager quickly corrected that though and thankfully I haven't had to deal with that since. But the thing is, that whole situation threw a wrench in my ability to trust and depleted my emotional reserves. RIght now I honestly feel that in the coming week; I want to sit a few of my friends down that knew about her and this guy, but told me nothing; that what they did hurt me and that I do not wish to be friends anymore. I always try to do things the right away and while the idea of just ghosting them seems tempting, that's rude and disrespectful. I would want them to at least know why, and to get this pain off my chest. I've tried being friends with them since then, but the fact that they all know how this girl has been acting/talking to me since she bailed; but still hang out and talk with her...it just doesn't sit right with me. I am 29 y/o and about to turn 30. Is it time for a new circle of friends and a focus on my education/career? Or am I being immature about this? My father advised me that no true friends would do what they did and not tell me, or even not care to try and console me after the fact. It just hurts because I already "lost" this girl and I see her all the time. but I thought my friends would have been there for me. I'm worried about being alone, but I know that I can make friends easily...I just feel so abandoned. I've been saving myself for the right girl(Seriously) but...I can't help and wonder if maybe I lowered them too much this time, in my search of love?

This may sound harsh but you knew she was a cheater before you dated her. She isn't going to change. You chose to date her knowing that. Your friends knew that you knew also. Thetefore, they had no reason to meddle in your business and tell you. If you don't want shit going on in your life, don't date shit. Choose a better girl next time.

>>18305180
No, I only heard "he said, she said" stuff regarding the cheating after her breakup with her ex. And typically people talk all kinds of crazy about their ex's after breakups, what I was told was that she kissed another guy and *maybe* had oral sex with him. That aside though, you're right that I knew what kind of person she was and my one good friend *did* tell me time and again that she was going to just use and throw me away. It's not so much that they're "bad" people, that's not it at all. It's that after all of this happened, two of the girls just flat out stopped talking to me(they're friends with her so it makes sense), but two of the guys didn't care at all and it took me going to them in tears, before they talked to me. The reason I'm asking on here is because a part of me knows that I'm just upset about some of the stuff that happened; but I guess the question is; was it too much to expect my two good male friends to tell me anything? The reason I ask this is because before my one good friend got dumped by his girl a week later, when I talked to him about this; he basically said that it was on me for not really talking to anyone about my family problem. Then when he got dumped, his tune completely changed and I was there for him constantly no matter the time of day or situation. That's where my problem lays. I know this girl wasn't the best pick, but how much lower can I lower my standards? I didn't want a girl that smoked, drank excessively or partied too often; but in the end I gambled it and lost. Isn't there a middle ground?

I don't know your friends and I don't know why they didn't tell you. However, guys in general are reluctant to get involved in another guys love life. Talking bad about your girl to you runs the risk of you not believing them and losing your friendship while you end up siding with the girl. You should never lower your standards when you're dating someone. You'll never be happy settling for less. Again I say pick a better girl friend. Tramps are easy for a reason. The great girls are harder to find. So, you gave to work harder.

Hey Anon,
First off, hope you're feeling better. Secondly, come on dude. You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into. There are some people out there that at times don't even realize they are playing with someone, though they are. In this case, she misled you. Personally, I think you might have envisioned her and the situation much more differently than it actually was. I know, cause I've been down similar paths myself. Anyway, the best thing you can do, is try to distance yourself from her, maybe even look for another girl. As for your friend's....... just ask yourself about them individually; do they love you and will they always be at your side? That is all you need in a true friend. Well Anon, hope this helps. Good luck out there.

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>>18305202
But that's the thing, there is no way I would ever take their words lightly. In fact one of the reasons(apart from my own gut instinct) why I never jumped into dating this girl was because my two good friends told me to really vet her out if I was interested. I thought our bond was iron clad like that. Why would I pick a girl over my friends? Even when she broke up with one of my more distant friends; I still refused her on account of him and giving him time to heal. I feel like my friends don't believe in me. And honestly right now I'm putting women on the back burner and just focusing on my future.
>>18305206
Well, that is something that I've been told before. That I want the world to be one way, when it's really the other way and that's why I get hurt. I get that I threw myself into this, but why did she say she wanted to be with me and that she made a mistake in choosing her ex over me, only to fuck me over so hard?

holy shit you put up with a lot. You need to learn to put your foot down and set boundaries. There are women that will string you along your entire life hust to please themselves. Cut these people out if your life. It's never to late in life to find and interact with people that share your ethics and values.

>>18305758
And where do I find these people? I find that everyone always seems so nice in the begging and then when things get rough, they show you their real sides. The very same people that were yapping things about this girl and how much she liked me(her friends) and how we'd be so great together and bla bla, were the same ones who when I went to them for answers and just mental support; told me to kick rocks. I'm really struggling to talk to anyone involved in that mess right now. You and the other poster are right though, I did do this to myself by lowering my standards harshly and not setting boundaries.

>>18306171
Anon, she is going to be a washed up alcoholic hoe by the time you forget about this, don't cut contacts with your friends over a dumb hoe. Simple thing to do is cut contact with her and look elsewhere for love, you wont find it with a alcoholic who would drink her soul away. I went through alcohol withdrawls 4 months ago that left me with hypoglycemia that is finally getting better after a little over 1 year of drinking everyday and quiting cold turkey (didn't think i was going to have withdrawls) but i did it on my own, for me, with no ones oppinion. It doesn't matter what you say, an addict will be an addict TILL THEY WANT TO QUIT!

>>18306209
I don't wish that for her, I'm angry and there has been times where I hope her relationshipl fails and she apologizes to me. But I also know that it's a pipe dream and that despite how I may feel, her actions after leaving me and even during getting to know her; are those of a person who doesn't think of something once it's past. Frankly I think they'll be just fine together and do their thing. I have to accept that and continue doing me, it's hard, but others have dealt with worse. The feeling sorry for myself at times bit is because of how people other than her treated me. How am I supposed to "win" like that?

>>18305125
doesn't even sound like you told your friends you were dating this hoe. why did you expect them to telepathically know that you wanted her to be your gf?

>>18306314
We all worked together. My friend dated her roommate and she dumped him as well a week after she "dumped" me. I only got close to her because of my friends girl. And they knew about her before I did, they're the ones(the two guys) who told me about the cheating she apparently did in her last relationship. They've been good friends, that's not what I'm arguing; and I did this to myself in giving her a chance. I'm talking about after she left though, I got nothing until I went to them in a heap of emotions. I don't know. Am I just wanting to lash out?

Sounds to me like more time away is needed...

Jesus Christ Op, you are one lonely cunt who settled for anything seemingly capable of filling the lonely cunty void so you chose a cunt who gave you attention. Get over yourself man. You were appalled by her behaviour from the beginning - "Well what about him?" - I mean, holy shit man.

It's fine to be lonely and vulnerable, but grow a spine and call it for what it is. You let a broken human being who sank deeply into moral oblivion seduce you because you were a shell of a human. Time to change that.

As far as your friends go... Hard to tell man. Given your state of mind at the time, I'd rather not make any comments about the company you keep. But if you think their friendship is worth salvaging, let them know why their actions disappointed you.

And for fuck's sake lad, sort yourself out.

>>18306873
What do you think is wrong with me that led me to this? I'll admit that I liked the fact that she talked to me constantly and that I didn't have any girl there. The lady girl I was interested in rejected me and this girl knew about that and always asked me why I liked her so much. I got the feeling that she was jealous of how well the girl who rejected me and I got along. I mean I think I've learned that lesson, not to go after others when I'm emotionally wrecked already. What else am I missing?

>>18306873
Holy shit, thank you for this post. That really slapped me awake.

>>18305125

Ugh that sucks man, but I think it was good you tried to trust your instincts and hold your ground multiple times. I think this girl obviously have a ton of issues and it ain't your problem to sort through them esp if she's not planning on doing it herself. Find yourself another one, you deserve way better than this.