Only people to care about me in 10years ignoring me

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>>18301703
One day playing vidya I come across a discord link for a videogame I was playing (WoW at the time)
and the server and people seemed a bit normie but I found myself some shitposting grounds and slowly built up to some regulars.
The shitposting by the regulars gets out of hand over the course of 3-4 months and the admin gets new mods that none of the regulars like.
So I make another server for the friends (regulars) ive been spending every day without break talking to on the server.

Let me clarify, this server that I made had a sense of comradery and friendship that was more meaningful and long lasting (1 year+) than i've ever had in my life. I could open up to them what I couldnt to anyone, even 4chan. So it ment an incredible lot to me.

>>18301708
There were relatively few arguements, 1-2 throughout the year. One of the newer invites (Lets call him CG) to our friend group had made their own server, he was socially awkward and over the few months he was in started to dislike me more and more.
Since the talking in the server was drying up I wondered what had happened since it was daily active. I found out that CG had everyone in the friends group on their server except me, but it was different there, with a lot more people that were just randoms and people that hated me.
I'm fine with it then, but eventually I get into an arguement with someone on CG's server and I go overboard. That leads to CG banning me from his server which is generally full of similar but less intense insults.
He tells me that he will unban me in a week or so.

>>18301709
I calm down, wait a week with my friends rarely ever posting on the server. I get back to CG in a pm but he straight up refuses to answer me and ignores me for hours while I know damn well he's online, so eventually to get his attention since im pissed off at this point I ban him from my server.
This leads to nothing good as we get into a full on flame war and since I broke the trust of the others by banning CG myself they also dont like it.
Over the course of 2 weeks I try to have a chat with them on voice or something (I try everything in the autistic sperg book) to apologize and try to make up with CG and the others that ive pissed off by now, but they ignore me and tell me to just put it behind me.
Now the server of my only friends and human interaction have ignored me and been silent for 5 months, throughout all my efforts.

Im sorry if I cant write well and if this seems petty, but this pains me constantly because they're all still there on my server, they've just moved on from me since I'm a toxic piece of shit to be around.

But I'm still clinging on since it's the best I've ever been treated.
I don't want to be a lurker with no social interaction anymore, its been too long. It fucking hurts.

I want to just delete it and forget about everything, but I dont want to go back to my old lifestyle.
Most of them would also hate it if I deleted the server.
I also dont want to lose the hundreds of thousands of posts there, and I still believe some of them are still willing to be friends but that would be a frankenstein mess to try to selectively steal some and make them cut ties with the others.

Get a job

Join the military, or become a cop.

>>18301703
Get something you really get obsessed about and involved in.

For me it was 2 things - Basketball (in a semi-social, semi-competition) and working hard on creating my own business. I am not only doing the social aspect of basketball, but am getting a personal trainer to help me do better in it as well - as well as joining a community to help me do well in business.

TL;DR - Get obsessive about a hobby, then you wont worry about this so much.