Staying in contact

Why are you waiting for her to message you? If you like her you have to make the effort to talk to her.

>>18299071
But if she hasnt messaged me that means I obviously mean nothing to her, so why should I message her first? Wouldnt that lower my own value? You seem to hold a double standard here

>>18299077
Nigger. She aint worth it. Nigger.

She could have made this exact post, see the problem?

>>18299033
>>18299077
You could try messaging her, and if she wants to talk, she'll reply. She could be thinking the same thing as you, or just be busy. Try not to stress yourself out over it

>>18299077
Are you retarded?

If you want to talk to her, talk to her. If you want to spend time with her, ask her out. It ain't rocket appliances.

According to your logic, you don't care enough to talk to her, and is worth nothing to you. Being uncertain can only be solved by finding out yourself.

>>18299087
Yes, but that just means I cant break and message her or I'll seem needy. Seems like a better personal choice to let the friendship die.

>>18299091
If she replies then I still come off as needy for messaging first. Also, I cant not stress over this. She's the first actual friend I've made at uni and the idea that I'll have to go back to how I was before means I have to save whatever dignity I have and move on, even if the friendship just fades away instead of collapsing over a conflict or something

>>18299092
Like I said, if I ask first, then I seem weak and needy. It is not worth putting my own value at risk.

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>>18299033

Why are you on the internet asking a bunch of teenage virgins what a girl they've never met thinks about you?

I encourage everyone who has grown up in the social media generation to stop seeking answers about relationships from the same fucked up system that has rendered them incapable of navigating them on their own.

Talk to her. Engage with real life people about your real life problems and stop trying to find ways to interact with people without interacting with them. We don't know this girl. We don't know you. Any insight we could possibly give on this situation would just be wild guesses based on our own biases and personal experiences. Our advice is essentially useless.

Talk to her, dude. If you have feelings for her, tell her. If her friendship is important to you, tell her. If you're not sure if she wants to be friends with you, ask her. If you want information from somebody, have a conversation with them. Don't develop this habit of hand wringing and pussy footing and wildly speculating when you want something. It'll really come back and bite you in the ass later if you get into a pattern of being so weak and unsure of yourself that you can't even manage an honest conversation with another human being.

>>18299101
Honestly, that depends on the individual. She might think it's needy. She could think nothing of it, but you know more about her and yourself than us. You'll never make friends if you keep making excuses to avoid talking to them because you don't want to appear weak and one day that could cost you a potentially good friendship. She's probably thinking why do I have to always talk to him first, is he even interested? Give it a chance, because I can tell you that kind of loneliness eats at you.

>>18299118
>just talk to her

Works if you're Chad. For me, the direct approach has never worked. It is better to think things through completely before acting.

>>18299191
I know nothing about anyone. Even my best friend, a dude I've known since elementary school, is basically an unknown to me. I've never bothered forming conclusions about people's personalities based on what they demonstrate because of the huge margin of error between who they are and what they do. That's why I operate using general assumptions about human behavior rather than personal knowledge about individuals. I think I just wont message her. The risk of her thinking I'm needy is too great simply because I cant determine it. Oh well, there goes another friendship.

>>18299225

>Works if you're Chad

That's the weakest blame shifting I've ever seen. So you're trying to tell me an imaginary boogeyman invented on 4chan named Chad is at fault for your inability to have honest, efficient social interactions with women? Give me a break, dude.

The direct approach hasn't worked because, as you just perfectly illustrated, you're incapable of being honestly introspective about your issue or accepting responsibility for your shortcomings and failures.

There is a difference between "thinking things through" and coming to the internet to ask a bunch of weebs what a girl they've never met thinks of you instead of asking the girl herself.

Here's my advice. Grow up. Accept responsibility. Stop looking for reasons why your lackluster social and romantic life isn't your fault. The sooner you can start shouldering the burden of your own decisions and act like something resembling a self-aware adult with a shred of confidence the sooner people will start respecting you and the things you have to say.

>>18299077
>But if he hasnt messaged me that means I obviously mean nothing to him, so why should I message him first? Wouldnt that lower my own value?

>>18299255
I'm not OP but this just helped me immensely.

>>18299255
>projecting this hard

Everything you've said has no actual evidence. I know I am a cold hearted asshole with body image and confidence issues despite not having any real reasons to have either. I am an over sensitive emotional wreck. Yes, I already know all this, faggot. I'm fully aware that my love life is a result of my actions. Has it helped me knowing all of this? No. Why? Because I'm not the guy women lust after. Therefore, all my problems dont carry any additional positive subtext as in "he's just mysterious" or a "tortured soul" or whatever other bullshit names girls place on shitty qualities to better shield themselves from the virtue-less truth that all they want is a conventionally attractive man. Keep saying I'm just dodging taking responsibility all you want. However, the fact remains that no interaction is a one way game. It requires BOTH parties to be willing. If you are conventionally attractive, then women will be willing, and your attempts will be succesful. Eventually, this will give you the illusion that all it takes is effort, when in reality it was a mix of that and the girl's predetermined acceptance of you. So, fuck off. Nothing is solely determined by you. The fact that you cant see that shows that you are conventionally attractice and have never had to look at the world for how it really is. You've had it easy. Leave me the fuck alone.

>>18299274
There is no way she thinks that. Why? Women have value to spare and they know that the expense of messaging first is worth it if they like the guy enough because they can just fall back on the oceans of betas waiting to help them. If she hasnt messaged me, then she doesnt care about me. Fuck, this is just making me angry. Thank god I dont have a little sister - I would have already killed her.

It sounds like you're trying to be something you're not. OP if this girl liked you she liked you for a reason, and if you like her you should talk to her, you'll find out in time if she's like every other girl, or, like you said, try to preserve your dignity.

I respect your choice but I think you're overthinking this whole thing, commonly because you're insecure about yourself or you're unwilling to face the truth.

>>18299372
Wait, what truth, and how am I trying to be something I'm not?

>>18299378
I'm just getting mixed signals, on one hand you're cold hearted, tough, and pride yourself on how others perceive you. On the other you're insecure, anxious, and sensitive. If you were the first, you wouldn't be obsessing over a minute interaction, and your current approach to relationships may be hindering instead of helping you. To answer your first question, it's impossible to know if you mean nothing to her, and if you apply the observations of other human behavior to a subject where such behavior is nonexistent you're creating a problem for yourself. I can't convince you to put your perception on the line, but I think the potential benefits overweight the potential consequence of being viewed as weak.

>>18299378
Not that anon, but... A passing read of this thread has it you "don't want to lower you value by looking like a weak faggot" when all your replies here are redolent of weak faggotry.

In other words, you're faking your value, pretending to be something you're not.

>>18299394
I act cold as self defense, and not because I actually am. It gets confusing pretending so often. Alright, I'll message her. Chances are I'm the only one actually taking this seriously at all.

>>18299033
Depends on both of you. I talk to some of my friends 4 times a year at it's never an issue for either of us since we're busy with more important shit. Though obviously we're there for each other 24/7 if the need arises.

If you care so much just write to her, if she doesn't respond you have a better foundation for your bitching.

>>18299255
Best post ever

>>18299033
>How much time of no contact does it take for two people to stop being friends?

I have a female friend of mine and we regularly go months if not years at a time without speaking. When we do meet up or chat it's like we spoke a couple of days ago.

>>18299077
Ugh, you millennials are such pussies sometimes. Just take the initiative, Jesus Christ, don't be the girl waiting to be hit up. If the cunt doesn't reply, then you'll know how big of a bitch she is and MOVE ON!!

>>18299409
Dude she probably forgot your name

>>18299033
It depends how close you were/are to her. Close friends can go years without talking and not be friends anymore.

Fuck her boyfriend and see what she says.