/GIOYC/ Back from College Edition

I guess I am no better than plants you call friends too. Goodbye.

I dreamed about him AGAIN last night! Last week I dreamed we were both in some kind of group home/retreat situation. We lived in a house with a bunch of other people and we generally avoided each other, then one day we were all sitting at the kitchen table; you were sitting a chair away from me and then you suddenly moved your hand into mine. For a brief moment we held hands... last night it was more realistic. You ignored and avoided me.
Why do I dream about you so much? It's embarrassing.

>>18297243

I hate Americans. Seriously, fuck Americans, and especially, American moms. Get mad.

Happy Birthday

If she hasn't sent me anything by this time tomorrow, it makes three days. I think I'll message her first if that happens.

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Dear boyfriend.

I adore you and am so happy to be starting this new chapter of our lives together, but goddamn it our sex life needs some work. Your taste in porn has the opposite effect on me, and I feel degraded by you projecting these stupid fantasies onto me when we've experienced some pretty mind-blowing sexathons together that felt so... pure. You want to be pure in everything but our sex life it feels. I wonder if it's because you're scared of sex magic? Because that's technically what we'd be doing, and you know that. Frankly, I'm scared, too. My identity as an individual is invalidated when we enter that "pure" union and I fill the role of feminine aspects, but that's the beauty of it. It's terrifying and exciting and I feel that energy start to rise all around me... There is so much I want to experience with you. Tantric sex, suspension, I want our sex to be a work of art like the rest of our daily life shall be.
But knowing you watch the tackiest goddamn porn I've ever seen! I've been in an unclear master/slave relationship before, I know how it feels to have your desires misconstrued. I give myself to you for you to love, not project dark fantasies onto that don't interest me. I am not giving my power up for you to play with me. And I hate that we're so busy lately that you have to jack off in the bathroom before going to work because, god, I want to FUCK. But I hate calling you daddy. I have calling you uncle. I hate pretending to be a little girl for you. I want to be treated as your equal and hear you whisper "This is how the universe was created," once more.

>>18297415
He sounds like a loser.

>>18297243
i want to go to sex party and be used by older men 40-60years im 20y old attractive female

I would rather lay in bed with you than do anything else with anyone else.
I miss you every fucking second.

I hope you at least read that message
That life together would be a lot of fun
Please give it some thought?

I'm so tired of dreams of chasing my ex. Vivid scenes of her hating me and wanting me to never ever contact again with her getting fucked by some guy and with cum all over her face showing me how little she cares of my existence with a smile and a laugh

I wake up often from these dreams and I just want them to stop

>when you have a really vivid dream
>in the dream you do something you were considering
>works out perfectly, get the girl etc.
>wake up
>spend a few minutes separating reality from the dream
>realize all of the good things weren't real
>spend the rest of the day longing for death

There's no response...

>>18297256
The thirst is truly getting to you as it is to me.
It kills me, but we have to avoid each other, at least until much later.

Bad news might be coming my way in a few weeks I'm currently employed at a company and work out of a remote office. They are now having me do some extra paperwork to be brought in and I'm noticing an issue which nobody has said anything about. They have asked me before if I will be moving to larger office/HQ in a different state rather than working remotely. I won't be moving to another state due to my own choices and I can't move there. I will know in June if I am still employed and we will go from there. I'm not in any way interested in moving to another state.

I wish you would throw me a text once in a while, because i'm bored of being the one to initate dates/chats
Frankly i think you could be pissed that i was too tired to fuck you, but it's not like i haven't made it my intention to make up for it

I'll see you later in the week and ask to hang again, but if it's over then i'll be disappointed, but only by you being a petty cunt

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https://youtu.be/wWFamXVgkOc

I want to suck your dick. Talk to meee

I'm seeing the word "dream" a lot here so I'll post mine as well.

We were in some kind of building, not even sure what kind of place it was, but we were in our own private room. It wasn't a bedroom but still our own private section. It was pretty bare, minimally furnished. You were sitting on the couch reading a magazine and I was doing some work on the computer. I had some music softly playing in the background as usual. It's music we both like so it was fine. But all of a sudden... You slammed your magazine down. You yelled "Turn that fucking music off already, it's always pissed me off" and stormed out of the room. What you did completely took me by surprise. I was terrified. You didn't have to yell. I was only a few feet away from you.

Some time passed, maybe a few hours. I was doing some work in a different part of the building now, working up near the ceiling. I decided to come down and see if you had calmed down at all. You were in a small room working on some sort of device. I walked up and said hello. As I was opening my mouth to ask how you were doing, before I even made a sound, you raised your voice and said "Are you going to ask me if I can walk you up to the cafe again? You can do it it yourself goddamnit.". You were furious. All I could do was kneel down and start crying. Why were you being like this? I was so scared. You heard me crying and knelt down next to me and you were apologizing but I knew it'd was all fake. That you didn't mean any of it.

I woke up and my heart was racing. I know it's just a dream. That dreams don't mean anything. My dreams don't usually seem to be influenced by my life so they probably mean even less. But... This is different. I'm a little scared of you sometimes. I can't tell when you're in a bad mood. It's harder to tell when you seem alright during one sentence then the next sentence you'll suddenly snap and you're in a bad mood, over nothing. At least you apologized in the dream...

My wife wants to have sex with a woman while I watch and I'm totally fine with that.

Hugging or overall body contact has never been an issue, I've always loved it. You were the problem. Bitch you stank.

>>18297270
Why?

>>18297947
>dreams don't mean anything
I have some bad news for you, anon.

Dear Asshole,

I don't understand you or your ways and it's not like you'd explain them to me. I gave you my time and attention and tried to make things work. You pushed me away and tell me all the time that it's my fault our relationship was like this, and it's my fault that you'd never consider getting back with me.

Why, now that I finally had enough and leave, would you miss me? Why are you sad about what happened? This is what you wanted, I went away, I did what you asked.

Why are you unhappy with the results?

>>18298057
I was confused and didn't know how to express my feelings properly.

I'm sorry.

>>18298057
Because even though I long for you. Deep down I know that you're better off without me.

I took mdma and had the most depraved sex with a drug dealer I had just met. Not knowing anything about the drug. I think about killing myself, I can't eat or sleep anymore and I only remember bits and pieces of what happened. I wouldn't have done it sober. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know if he had std's. I just regret all of it. The next day I had sex with another person I had just met and those are the only times in my life I've ever done anything like that.

>>18297978
Lucky guy

>>18298057
You made me thoroughly unhappy and I wanted you gone, regardless of what I kept saying. I was a coward and couldn't tell you to leave, it'd break you, I thought. So you up and left.
I'm not gonna be proud and say I never miss you, I do sometimes. But I'm also fully aware you were a toxic influence in my life and we're both so much better without the other. What hurt me wasn't that you left, it was that you already had someone else.
Life's fucking amazing without you, and I'm sure yours is infinitely better without me too.
That being said, I'd never consider taking you back. I'm a firm believer of the Buddhist concept of karma, we reap what we sow.

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In three weeks I'll be graduating and never see you again. Though our time as friends was brief I have never felt this way about anyone before. It's going to feel empty when I leave. I wish I never stopped talking to you. I'm sorry I just became another face in the hall. I wonder what could have been if only I kept up with you.

I thought things were going really well. Then she stopped replying. To every thing.

M.

Could we have made it work? What did I screw up?

S.

Even as a kid I would play only female characters. Princess Peach was always my go to in Mario Kart SNES. Well, all of the versions after.

I watched Alien and Aliens a million times since I was in preschool. Ripley was and is my hero forever.

I am tired of living. I am tired of being a failure. I am tired of putting my all into something only to fail time and time again. I am tired of seeing people half ass everything, and get somewhere. I just want...no, NEED to die.

>>18297415
Lol... people who try to force their kink on people. And I thought it was usually the woman who initiated the daddy type shit? Dude sounds like he just wants to act out his power fantasies in his sex life. Doesn't sound like it's about you. What a dickhead.

Pretty sure these are signs from God for me not to do something, but I'll do them anyway because I'd be stuck in one place if I didn't.

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Dear C. i love you, but for what, we have been together for 10 months in a hour, but i still feel like i don't really know you. i wish we could talk like we could in the beginning, and the intimacy we had, and all the amazing sex we had, god i miss it all so much, you were the first girl to give me a blowjob, because of my scar on my cock, but i trusted you. and oh boy, you sucked that cock plenty of times when we got started, but then it just stopped, i dont understand you, and i don't understand women.

You're dead to me. I never deserved the shit you did to me go fucking die

why cant you just be satisfied with the sex

>>18298243
no you couldnt have made it work

no you didnt screw up

fuck people who go ghost on you m8

It's a bit scary knowing you guys can read my thoughts. That you can communicate with me telepathically. The implications of this are terrifying and make my fight hopeless. How can I possibly defeat an enemy that knows my every thought? Knows exactly what I plan? Yet here I am, trying to find a way a guy like me can take on the Gods... even though you have displayed the ability to know the future as well.

I'm not nervous that you can read my thoughts though, I'm not ashamed. I know I have nothing to hide from the world and I know that my thoughts are pure. I'm ok with people knowing everything I think.

>>18297806
My thirst has dissipated into something less focused and more general. And yet I dream of you. You're probably right, though you needn't be deliberately hurtful. Don't worry, I will never initiate contact with you again.

>>18298387
"This is what you get
This is what you get
When you mess with us"

- Radiohead

You know why I am afraid to ask you out
Because you are so kind to me, I fear if you get to know me better I will disappoint you
But then again why are you so nice to me
Fuck I don't know what to do

>>18298190
you are not the first person who has done something like that. You are not alone. Some girls even just have sex because they are afraid to say no. It will get better try to learn out of it and maybe tell the people that you actually not like that. Maybe it helps

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I think I'm almost over my ex-friends. I will shamefully admit that I do sometimes check on their profiles... for what reason, I don't really know. Kinda wonder what they're doing now, they probably don't even think of me at all anymore. Still kinda miss them, since they meant a lot to me. Been a bit over a month since they both left. But I'm starting to compare how I was before they left to now. I don't feel nervous about being cut off again, since it already happened, I'm more social with people, I want to hang out with friends more often, I'm actually doing alright. Shit, maybe it was better for me to be out of their life and vise versa. I still think they're pussies for not having a civil conversation though, not to mention that one was a constant liar.

>>18298406
>Some girls even just have sex because they are afraid to say no.
I think this was probably what happened but I was high as shit on another planet. I probably didn't know what was going on at times
He hangs out with all of my friends. If I talk about it I have to pretend it was someone else and twist the story. Pretty sure hes in a gang too. I would rather be dead than live with this for the rest of my life.

>>18298243
Sorry man, I know how it feels, I'm >>18298422 .
>>18298314
Facts

>>18298423
And
I think I had sex with another random person the next day to feel some control but it just made it worse

>>18298395
>I will never initiate contact with you again
Isn't that a little extreme? We still have to talk and face each other, regardless.

Listen, it's not that I don't like you. In fact, I like you a lot. I just can't help feeling like you're already taken. It's the only reason why I'm this way towards you.

I'm just trying to mitigate my own feelings for you. I would love us to be together, but I have to deal with us just being acquaintances.

Why did you leave me? We loved each other so much. I'm a shell of my former self, and after 4 months I'm still not the same person I was before. I wish you read these comments, I wish you'd speak to me, I wish you still cared about me. But you don't. You left me, and got with someone else 2 weeks later. After everything we did together, after everything we said to each other, after all the plans we had, after everything, you just left me. Why did you lie to me? Why did you pretend to have depression? Why did you even start speaking to your ex to begin with? I gave you everything you ever wanted, I gave you space, I gave you time alone, I fucked you, I supported you financially, emotionally, I was always there for you and I always cared about you. You were always at the forefront of my mind and I spoke to you every day you were away. I tried my hardest but you just left me.

I can't beleive you did this to me. You betrayed me, things never went sour even towards the last few months. I gave you space and let you breathe as I thought you were trying to overcome this clinical depression that was absorbing you. But none of that was true, was it? None of it fucking was, because you were speaking to your ex, who fucking left you by cheating on you, 4 fucking years ago, who doesnt even live in the same country as you.

Why? Why did you do this?

Look you don't know me well, hell sometimes I wonder if you remember my name since you never say it, but I really wanna tell you something: I like you. I'm too afraid to say it to your face for fear of rejection and getting laughed at. That along with the fact that it seems like guys are turned off by my dude-ish behavior is why I'm afraid. You're really cute and I would love to get to know you, of course if you would like to. I might tell you before June, I don't know.

>>18298427
okay no what you need to do is talk to someone about it maybe a female friend who is not very innocent herself. Wait a week and the world will look different

>>18297349
I'm in exactly the same situation.
Except I'm not messaging her first.

>>18298284
To be fair, I had agreed to the whole daddy kink for him even though I don't get off on it. He says because he was single for so long, he developed darker tastes which I get, I used to watch some fucked up shit when I was bored and alone. He doesn't hide anything from me, so I need to speak up and say that it not remotely about me is precisely what's wrong with this picture.

>>18298445
Way to go, bro! That'll show her how much she means to you

I'm so young, why is all this happening to me? I'd take ">tfw no gf" shit over confusing mental problems that aren't even close to being solved. I may be schizophrenic, it's a possibility with what's been happening to me. There's no one left to relate to, nothing in life is enjoyable, I feel I'm fucked in every way.

Is it actually weird that I hate women?

It doesn't interfere with my daily life at all because I study in a male dominated field, and my hatred for the female gender doesn't come from "tfw no gf" type issues.

I have no desire to befriend females either, and I don't like women in terms of sexuality either so

Is this something I should give a shit about or

>>18297252
More detrimental than a plant, for sure. You feign caring about people for ulterior motives. You admit you don't really care about anyone than you expect me to believe you when you say you care about me, but your actions always show the opposite? I hope you fill the void that causes you to act that way, but after you're empty for so long, filling it with petty materialism and emotional manipulation, what will you fill it with?

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I'm dealing with a case of OCD and anxiety (diagnosed by a doctor). I lose sleep over stuff that COULD HAVE happened, it's that bad. I hate driving because I feel like I could have hit someone and the troubling thought doesn't leave me for hours. I'm on Zoloft and Trazadone (sleep aid) and I'm handling my anxiety better, but my mind refuses to let go of the regrets of the past and the worries of the future. I lost my Dad a year ago to cancer. He was my greatest pillar of support. I feel like I'm getting better, but some days it feels like I'm cursed.

listen i need you to get out of there. i need you to come to this show and see what it's like to be a normal member of society again and remember why you need to get out of there.

we'll all have so much fun, you can crash on one of our couches, and just please find a way, ya jerk.

I don't know what it means to be a good person or a good friend. I don't really know how to connect with people so I close myself off. I am terrified of fucking up, yet I know that's the only way to really do anything.

I am... stagnant. I'm nothing.

>>18297243
What kind of girl is the one who is only friends with her ex-boyfriends? The one who starts dating a new guy and doesn't tell the old one, just denies having a relationship with the new person while avoiding affection with the old one. The one who continues to live with her ex-boyfriend after starting dating and having his only friend outside of work move in and keeping their relationship a secret from her ex? The kind of girl who was was abused in all kinds of ways as a child? I need to know what kind of person this is, so I will know how to deal with her.

>>18298228
Was easy finding your replacement, girl

I'm tired of being desperately attracted to people who will never be attracted to me

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I'm entirely dysfunctional as a person and I've been ignoring it for about 7 years. I regularly think about taking my own life and I'm so stupidly concerned with saving face that nobody who knows me knows about this. I am unable to have fufiling relationships with other human beings in any meaningful way and spend all of my days studying and reading books because the admiration of others is the only thing that gets me off. I've never had any real friends that weren't incidentally in contact with me (class mates, co-workers, etc.). After the activiy ends I always lose touch with whatever people I spent time with. Every time I think about anything it makes me want to drink but I dont keep alcohol in my home for the same reason I don't own any firearms. Basically the only thing holding my life together at this point is sheer vanity.

Well good news for me! My replacement has arrived enjoy your lovely new life. Nothing but love on my end!!! Just looking for a nigga down with the crazy bitches!!! Dont worry about me, I get trolled urvvvvvy day but I know you've moved on. I'm happy for you, don't want you back. Actually might go hop on sum black dick now >.>
ZZ

I feel so bad

I want to die

I'm sorry

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I've has a Great weekend at the Alumni meeting.
I've just has an Amazing though taxing working day.
Literally no time to worry.
Everything that happened in the past couple of days rationally confirms I have rebuilt my life from scratch after the great depression of 2-3 years ago. I should be very proud of myself.

But I cannot cope with the fact everyone on Sunday was more or less settled, either married with kids or with a wonderful career (I used to study in some sort of Ivy-league place in my country).
I don't even envy them. Not in the "cliché" kind of way. Those people --the alumni of my class--are very dear to me.

It is just I am unable to realize what's wrong with me: I keep making friends with girls, possibly in a non-doormat fashion, and yet none of the people I meet anew sees me as somebody who is sexually attractive. I really don't get it. I thought I was self confident and shit. I'm even in a better shape than I used to and enjoyed myself to the point of forgetting about my desire to have a partner.

The situation is so ridiculous that even when I act lewd nobody takes me seriously. This was not the case in recent times, but back in the days I hit on some girls to an extent that should have been intolerable to them: even so, I have never managed to get the middle finger they usually give to assholes--yet I tried so hard! They just don't see me as a sexual person. I am no threat even when I act in the worst fashion.

What's wrong!!!?

>>18298709
That's legit, even though I'm sure there's some help out there.
>>18298642
But here you are like a King in his Hall!
>>18298569
Not sure if the trick helps, but try to realize you cannot have done all things at once. Literally, you cannot be the author behind all the SHTF scenarios you picture in your head.
Usually, misfortunes are something like: EITHER you burn down your compound OR you involve yourself into a car crush. You cannot have both, you motherfucker.
Leave us some misfortunes for fuck's sake. Life's already boring as is.

>>18298731
I hate pot smokers because I am attracted to new age white girls with dreadlocks but they keep having sex only with those who smoke pot and give them some... No matter how fucked up these dudes are.

You are literally cancer and I am glad you are not enjoying yourself in that fucking cloud of yours.

>>18298427
I wish I could do that. At least to feel the thrill of it.

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>>18297243
I fucked up once again, but not the normal fuck something up, and the relationship just has a hitch and things work out after a day or two.. I fucked up big time.

I had so much anxiety that she;d find someone better than me. So I suggested we broke up, just to see if she'd come running through the door with open arms. But not this time, this was the last straw.

I'm sorry, but I can't just be friends. Because I fucking love you so much. And I can't just be friends because that will mean watching you fall in love with someone else. That will break me. I've cut all ties, all methods of communication with her. I can go some days without thinking about her, but other days something will happen, someone says a specific word, or a specific song comes on and it all comes back to me.

I fucked everything up, just like I do with everything else, I'm poison to whoever I come to contact with. These anti depressants aren't working, the sleeping pills are just my way of escaping reality. There is nothing left, not for me anyway. and I'm too much of a coward to kill myself.

I don't want to play anymore. I don't...

I just want to know what the fuck is happening. Please, just tell me.

What is my life?

Why is this happening to me? Where am I from? What is the meaning behind all of this? How... what...

I'm so stressed out, it's killing me.

>>18298755
The "thrill" ...isn't worth it. To me there was no thrill. Im also worried about if any of them had diseases.

>>18298704
>>18298709
>>18298720
What did you do?

>>18298573

I was fucking going to. I had a day the money and the stability. I was told through someone else to move on. I don't even know how I'm supposed to.

>>18298742
sure why not.

It sunk in to me the other day that I've been in college for two years and I still don't know what I'm here for. After switching majors a couple of times I went open option this semester. But I don't have any clue what I want to do for a career now. I only stayed in school this semester because my mom wouldn't help me out financially if I didn't.

If I had some kind of passion or ability I could be well into getting a degree like a lot of people I know. But I don't get excited about anything practical or lucrative. And the only skills I'm any good at are impractical things like writing. I spent all of high school thinking I was smart. But after trying to take engineering classes and doing terribly, I don't think I have much intelligence that the world would care about. I was always the kid who read a lot and fancied himself to be intellectual. And to some extent I still have that inclination. I spend all day in my own abstract reflections about what I should do, what's the truth about everything, how should people organize, what's right or wrong, but I neglect to do basic things for my own self interest in the immediate future, and I'm unmotivated to do anything, in part because I doubt myself so much. And I'm too self aware to have the happy delusion that the world would give a fuck about my ideas of it.

Please don't be another vapid cunt who gets by on fake smiles and good looks, but is ignoring and looking down on everyone inside.

Just please have something you do for fun besides 'look for a good time.'
Please don't be one of those people who is fine with using others as the butt in jokes, but turns vicious and vindictive when you get teased playfully.
And for the love of god, please tell me you're self-aware, and know the difference between being friendly and being flirty.

I don't care if we don't become anything more than pleasant acquaintances.
You remind me so much of her - just please, please be someone different. Be someone better. I don't think I can handle knowing another person exists who acts like her.

I feel you considering what I've said
my gut feeling about our relationship has not once been long, you are considering it
please, do it, take the plunge with me
we could be so much more than this

Kik me :byorderofthejarl >>18298742

>>18298846
I don't have a kik.

I won three thousand dollars from a scratch ticket.

Instead of paying for books I'm blowing it all on a weekend with a pornstar

>>18298741
Hahaha thanks, I'll try!

Fuck all of these divisions. Your're only human in a world where you don't need to be human to figure things out. Get over it.

There are tons to tackle but Ill just start here.

I dont know whats my problem anymore and I cant recognize them for suffering from them for along time.

Im still awake and its 9 am, havent sleep yet so excuse my horrendous, uncohesive post.

Its all just a big mess and I cant sort my problems out. Theyre just attacking me all at once and I cant keep up to the point Im having trouble expressing them myself. Theyre so deep seated and engraved to my everyday life, i cant take them out so easily and readily. I wish I could pinpoint them out but I cant. Im too weak and exhausted. I cant catch a break and I have trouble relaxing and calming myself down. A month vacation wont cut it. I need a year of or two literally. I cant take this exhaustion, not again. My physical, mental and emotional condition are already tortured. I dont wanna go through that life again. Too much stress and exhaustion. Adding severe social anxiety to the mix. I feel like im running out of time cause I still have responsibilities to do. Im always on the edge and cant distract myself from the workload and take time even tho i want to. I cant go anywhere and Im literally stuck. Im physically ill to move. My head to toe are all in pain. Fuck meeeeee

Got 3 Ds and a C this semester. D's get degrees famalam I'm surprised I didn't fail everything

>>18298861
Not a bad idea but kys

flower factory guy here.. yeah.. just found out the girl I'm into has a bf..

I said.. God bless the two of you.. and just shut up..

hmm.. ...

I want to die. I don't think all the money in the world nor the grey kitten will be able to help me.

I think about what it would be like when this is over and I don't think I'm going to get any better. I still don't want to do anything. I still don't want to go out. I just want to sleep forever.

Mostly I just want to die.

>>18298920
College life

Ive been in college for 7 years and running and i couldnt finish my degree properly. Im always and constantly berated by my mother that im too old for college and i shoild be working by now. She always compare me to youngster around my neighboor who are graduating colleges earlier than me. Getting jobs ahead of me. Basically im being left behind is what she always preach me about. The preaching since childhood about life to me was always terrifying. Its pressuring and I couldnt keep up. I became a shut in twice because of that kindof childhood. Even tho thryre giving me tough love, i feel like im too weak for their treatment and they should have taken it easy to prepare me in life. The military style was traumatizing and now i cant live life normally. Im so fucked up and cant recover cause even today, the preaching and military style teaching will never end. I feel i could trained properly in life if theres a balance between tough love and emotional care. But there wasnt emotional care and felt abandoned emotionally. I cant fight nor survive life

>>18298629
Don't worry, I got the same feels here, too.
Although, mine's not desperate, it's just a lingering itch. She has everything I ever wanted in a woman, right down to the body.

It's just that she's too high a level for me, and that asking her out would probably end me in more ways than one.

>>18298920
Friendship

I had friends growing up. I never ran out of friends even today. I have normal friendship life. You could im blessed i guess since i could easily make friends and i dont know why either.

But, friendship is pain in the ass. I feel everyone is just a bother and its a responsibility to give a shit about someone else, let alone myself. Its already tiring to deal with myself to begin with. Even tho many had treated me genuinely as their friends, i feel bad when i dont exchange it back. Sorry i just cant. I hate having that kind responsibility and i disappear. I hate it when these "friends" are meddling with my life. Poking with my own business and being nosy. Ive avoided a lot of people and it seems really arrogant for me to say that they wont just leave me alone. Just leave me alone with my life. Butting in my life without my permission makes me wanna murder this people. As if they know my life and how to control it. Im picky and theres only 1 person who could meddle with my life. I appreciate the gesture for treating me as a friend but you guys are just going too far. Know yourfucking places. If im not sharing my life it means i dont intent to share it with you. So fuck off

You're on my mind.

>>18298920
Neighbors

Typical noisy neighbors wont just shut up at night. I hate how theres no rules to shut up these fucking tramps up at night. Shouting and yelling with obnoxious laughter just makes me fucking rage i feel like snapping any time. I want to leave this place. I want this place to be demolished and be away from these people once and for all

If I started murdering everyone I know... honestly, I would be in the right.

You people are disgusting.

>>18298920
Emotions

My emotions hurts me physically. Theyre too much for me to handle. Thinking logically wont do anything to trick myself away from it.

The cycle of severe anxiety to violent rage to depression/nihilism just wont end. Ive tried ways I know and articles after articles to help me but nothing. I dont know how to emotionally grow even i want to.

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Today, I nearly came to the brink of crying.

My life is at a standstill. I'm a 24 year old guy who is currently living with my family in a village. In May 2015 I had finally moved out of my parents house and into a city with my friends. Life was great, the city was exactly what I needed. I'm one of those millenials who is on the verge of being a NEET, save for one E. I had a part-time job and kept up with my bills for about a year before I was forced to move back in with my family once again. Couldn't find more work, so my money ran out and I didn't want to be a mooch to my friends (plus one of them wanted to move out anyways so it was a good opportunity for them to part ways).

So by July 2016 I'm back in a tiny ass village, with no friends, and job prospects looked grim. From about a month before I moved back up until the present, I've been searching nearly daily online for work to no avail. I have no reliable way to travel to the nearest town and search for work there (car and driver's license costs money, bus fare costs money). This village has no development going on at least for a year or two. There's less than 20 businesses+public buildings which would hire people here, and nearly all of the public buildings need educated people with college/university certificates and degrees.

I have no way of making money presently. I desperately want to move back into a city and move forward with my life. I want to make friends and be with people again. I want to get into the dating scene and finally date people. I'm sick of sitting around all day, alone in my room. I miss being around people. I miss having a job and making money. I'm grateful to my family for housing and feeding me, I get to eat and drink and sleep everyday. But I'm not going anywhere or doing anything.

It's not all hopeless for me, I am trying to work with my Native council to get funded for college. But the process is slow and I'm not quite sure if I can make it in time for the Fall semester.

>>18298920
Partner in life

My partner in life and I are im this kind of situation again where during summer, we are emotionally and physically apart and distant. Even tho we could sort each others problems out, we are just both suffering like this with no contact. I hate it when a person is worried about me and i hate it when im worried about a person. As much as possbile i want to believe we can go through this and survive life even we are apart. I want to believe that person will make it as much as i want that person to believe in me i will make it. I guess being validated that my efforts are going somewhere makes me atleast motivated to continue. I feel my efforts are just wasted when a person is still worried and dont believe i will make it alive. As much as i want to believe that person whom im partnered with who is also physically ill will make it alive through this shits

>>18298920
Ranting online

I guess its a quick fix for a moment. They dont last a day. Once i calm down, i know these will start over once again soon from attacking me all at once. Specially at night. I feel like every method i found are not ideal for the long run. I feel the relief after yes but it doesnt work anymore after doing it again for the second time. Where in i have to find another outlet. I dont really what works that is fix and im still trying to search for it but i feel like im going nowhere and just try even it doesnt work. Im so desperate for ways to make myself feel better but chances are too narrow

You hired me back in August to start work in September. You told me I was going to be working in my field, and that you saw a bright future for me at your company.

Instead, you shunted my off to do essentially construction for 3 weeks. Nonetheless, I stuck with it, like a goddamned fool, because I was trying to better my life and finally move out of my parents' house and believed all of the shit my interviewer straight up told me to my fucking face.

And after all of that, you had the fucking nerve to tell me you were letting me go because I "wasn't a good fit".

I was in a state of depression for nearly 5 months because I was unemployed by you fuckers.

Fuck you. I hope your new office building that I helped build burns down to the ground.

>>18298920
Traumatic memories that visits in my dreams

I have sleep phobia and it became more intense this year. Im afraid sleeping cause I cant control what I dream about and theyre usually nightmares. Theyre memories i wish i can forget even subconsciously. Even tho i dont think about them consciously, but when i sleep they go crazy and just replay everything. I want to sleep and rest but Im bombarded with painful traumatic memories in my dreams. From my childhood to adulthood. Every single memory that for some reason my brain saved just so to terrify me. I can only wish to dream nothing and sleep safe and sound. Im already tired awake and im also tired when i wake up from a nightmare.

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I feel like I've hit a wall that knocked me down a slope and went spiraling into some dark pit with no clear way out. I'm 26, no car, no driver's license, living in my sister's attic, single, and working part-time at UPS, making next to nothing and can hardly pay my share of the bills. Getting into animation is the goal, but I suck at art and the technical aspects of graphic design.

I feel like I've done practically nothing after high school and it's closing in on a decade of getting nowhere.

I feel like it's too late for me already and it all feels so pointless.

>>18298920
First unrequited love

I want to get closure and forget about this person. Its torture already and letting this memory hang for almoat half a decade is just bringing me down even more. I want to forget and move on. Let me live away from that memory. It was sweet yes cause its the first time i really cared for someone and fell in love. First time to think about someone other than myself and actually happy to have a responsibility to make this person happy. But i couldnt compete. I dont know how to comfort someone. I only know what i know and be just a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. I can only be there for that person. I cant provide advices nor aspiring words of wisdom. I accept that i lost and this person found the love of their life that can provide i severely lack. I wished for their happiness but ...its my first having this loss from the only person i saw my life with. The person i only paid my full attention. I never cared about the friends i had nor everyone else. Om a selfish fuck but this person made me selfless. This bittersweet is double edged. I cant live with the bitterness even tho its a sweet first and probably last love i will experience. Please let me forget thid

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Hello, /adv/. Would anyone care to help me name my [male] kitten?

Should I text her first?

>>18299406
Sir/Lady Meowalot

>>18299411
Dubs confirmed my man

Man, I can get over the fact how small my dick is. Sure the girls can feel it but it feels like I'm pushing rope everytime I do it.

>>18299406
Kit

>>18299088
Dont feel bad. Soo many people go through this at your age. I was in the exact same situation at your age, and now only 4 years later, i went back to school (28), graduated top of my class, have my own place and a job i love, also getting married and lofe is good again. At 26 i thought of offing myself. I felt like i had nothing and no one. You just need to stop comparing your life to others. Everyone does things at their own pace. One day you'll say fuck it, and go to art school and promise yourself no matter what it takes youre gonna do it this time. Every time you start finding an excuse tell yourself to shut up, and find a way to get it done. Dont feel bad your life will change drastically in the next couple years :-)

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>>18299088
I think I'm starting to see why this thread gets the amount of posts it gets. Looking at my post a few hours later and, instead of taking whatever advice that may have been given, seeing it in written form forced me to look at my problems and see them a little differently.

They look smaller and much more trivial now. I completely understand time wasted is time wasted, and that's serious since we get so little of it, but at the same time, it just means I need to take different approaches and just get shit done, since the old approaches clearly don't work.

>>18298243
yes.

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Well darn my lads.

I haven't been sleeping well. Around 5 hours every day as I'm awake during nights now. I feel really weird right now. My head feels oddly soft, I feel like I'm at peace.

I'm so frustrated with my music project. I can't get anything done. No synth I try to make or tweak from a template works out, all the snares sound like shit, all the melodies are ass. I can't do it anymore. I lost my touch somehow.
I wan't to make something, but I get so damn angry with myself whenever I try.
Same happens with the guitar. I want to make something, but I can't just make the usual run of the mill garbage or I will hate myself for it.

I gotta stop thinking. Trying to think is making my head feel weirder. I need a cigarette.

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>pushing away the only people i could talk to
>fwb wants more than sex and i dont want to lead her on
>nearly a year until i leave
>any urge i have to aspire for something bigger is slowly dissipitating
>im becoming a more boring person over time
>i dont have an incentive to talk to others anymore
>today's a girl's birthday who was once the only friend i had at one point
>i go back to school wednesday
>2 tests coming up
>havent studied for one
>im tired
>i cant sleep
>time's moving by too fast

i want a pack of marlboros a gun and a six pack of beer and someone to go take a walk in the field with

>>18299470
>>18299473
Ah, and now I feel a little silly, seeing as how I just missed your reply and went full self-help book mode.

I've been telling myself over and over again I'm simply living life at my own pace... and you're right, I need to stop comparing myself to other people. A certain few have been making it hard though, constantly reminding me of my failures, and it just gets to me. Then, I can't help but feel pathetic riding around on a bike to get anywhere.

Thanks, Anon. It means a lot to me you decided to say something.

I hope she loves me the way I love her.

Help me, I'm deciding between going to the university to study electromechanic engineering OR just going to college 2 years before.

I'm from a 2/3 world country, most of my friends are going to univesity there, but I just moved to usa with other family i got here and it's a little difficult to go to university.

It's far, like an hour from here. It's not cheap. I got no money. I got no car. Only
living at my family's house but i gotta take care myself of my studies alone.

If I go to college, I could actually get money while working to go to the university later, but what will my friends think? I was one of the best of the class so i'm feeling a little pressured.

>>18299477
>Time's moving by too fast
This. I can relate to this SO much right now.

Try and take things one step at a time, Anon. Thinking about it all is the quickest way to overwhelm yourself. Try to sleep. I'm far from an expert, but I accidentally learned magnesium tablets help us sleep, and also try chamomile tea. Proper sleep helps SO much, but it can be illusive (like now...)

Keep trying.

I've had sex with over 30 guys, and almost every single one of them I liked and wanted a relationship with. All I ever wanted was to meet the one and be done looking and share our lives. Dating has always been nerve wracking for me and any uncertainty makes me crazy. It seems like every time the relationship got to sex and stuff it would end, and each time broke my heart, some less than others. I've had sex when I didn't even want to, but because I liked the person, or didn't want to disappoint, and even once because I was afraid to say no. I have been fooled so many times and I never really understood why I let it happen. So now I am used up and disgusting and I can't trust my own judgment. Also found out recently I am likely aspie and it's helped me make a lot of sense of things but it has made me very sad and just another reason it seems impossible to have a successful relationship now. I have not had sex in two years now, and when a guy tries talking to me I will usually just ghost them before I catch feelings because the idea of adding one more to my "number" that will just go nowhere makes me want to die.

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why did this guy just text me saying he loves me

>>18299493
No problem. Shit i still walk and bus too! Lol one step at a time. One goal at a time. And people who point out your failures are either family members who dont know how to properly show they care and want the best for you, or are asshole friends who are trying to make themselves feel better about their shit lives. Good luck anon, you can do it just give it time and put in some effort!

>>18299602

Probably drunk, desperate, or sent it to the wrong person. More likely the first two.

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>>18299610
im a guy
it was platonic
hes a classmate
today was the first time we texted

>>18299622
Tell him he hurt your feelings and feelings have to be sucked out through he dick.

Please don't forget me.
I can't live a life without you in it.
We don't need to be together, but I need you around.

>>18298057
Maybe your efforts to "fix it" weren't as good as you thought. They usually weren't.

I can explain my ways easily, not that it will make a goddamn bit more difference than it ever did. I threw my genuine (and irrational, and apparently unconditional) love into the void that was you for far too long.

I hate you because your version of "doing what I asked" was never about me at all. It was about you doing what made you feel better, at my expense.

But what else is fucking new.

So long, Dickhead.

>>18298928
I am.. surprisingly happy for her... I admire her so much.. she's 19, her bf is in Venezuela and they wanna meet up eventually.. she's working the same cruddy factory job as mine... I respect her so much.. that I feel even if she was single.. I wouldn't deserve someone so ..amazing. She offered me gum.. nice of her.. God bless her.

The other day I was crying in the car as I drove to work listening to songs that made me wish she was mine.. now, now I just feel stupid and I wish her ..everything I could never achieve.. especially love.

Well, fuck, we're actually doing this, aren't we?
Guess I better clean up my life quick..

Andrew,

You lost me. YOU have to live with that for the rest of your life. Hope that prick was worth your future.

>>18299715
You sould pretty full of yourself.

1 800 I want to fucking die

I can't even fall asleep, I gotta get up at 8 AM and go to a doctor's appointment, fuck this shit

I'm terrified of the appointment they're gonna shove shit up my vag and nothing's ever gone up there before so I'm very worried

I'm so distraught I keep farting and they smell so fucking bad. fuck anxiety I'm done with this shit

Hey Christina.
Sorry.
That is all.

I am goddamn pathetic.

1) I said I'd never talk to you again, and that I was "done with your ass" -- yet I fall for your charms.

2) I wish I'd stop having reoccurring dreams of you. It's not going to happen. Why do I have to leave that warm and fuzzy feeling of love and acceptance by waking up to face the cruel truth that you want nothing to do to me.

I don't dream of you anymore.

I've been through this before. That means whatever tenuous threads were still holding us together have finally snapped. The connection is severed.

Logically, I should be relieved. But I'm not.

Instead, I break down crying at seemingly random intervals, right when I can afford it the least.

I came home to clean up my place and get things in order for the move. Of course, you're not here to help, though you made sure to keep me on the string long enough to help you pack your things.

I put off actually getting in the bed for as long as I could. When I finally got in it... it smelled like you.

It fucking SMELLED LIKE YOU.

I started sobbing. But instead of feeling like the traditional breakdowns related to you, where all I can do is strategize and plan and scheme and obsess and worry about how to get back into your life, there's only a curious emptiness.

You're gone. You're really gone. And I don't know how to cope. You fucking ripped out a piece of me and took it with you. And you're not ready to talk?

But hey - at least you're doing well, right? That's all that ever mattered. To you.

I would almost rather die than go on without you. But I won't. I fucking refuse. If all I've got is me... then so be it.

I will get rid of everything. Piece by piece.

Soon enough, it will be just like you were never here.

started from a dark place
hard to have your heart's grace.
life's been stingy, art just had the dart's taste.
poison rings dead it.
guess i'm still reckless.
tongue's a blowgun, sniped your field medic.
guerilla tactics coz your visions backwards
go home read a tome lifes a bigger chapter
generation dont read books no more
so all they got is harry potter to compare to war
fake rings flashing like its fucking mordor
who cares what youve got if its all folklore
feeling like a main dish surrounded by hor'd'vours
i aint better, not pretending like i'll conform.
just me, trying to keep the lights on.
you're me, only difference is i write songs.
so keep on your shit keep the fight strong.
and your legacy will be lifelong

My feelings always seem to come back to her.
I've known her for almost 10years now; My best friend's sister-in-law. She's part of my circle. So it's something I doubt will come to be.

I'm not sure if I return to her for a psychological reason, because this happens whenever things don't work out with other girls. But here I am again after having just cut ties with another girl.
I don't know if it'll ever Happen with her. Maybe we feel it's too safe a choice since we've known each other so long. Hell, I'm possibly bro zoned at this point.

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Hmm. I feel kind of crazy right now. I don't know what to tell my family...I'm 21, and I think I've found a dream.

I think the ideal life for me is to get a motor home, continue working online and on my art, and going wherever the fuck I want with limited rent to worry about. Never anchored down...I'm a girl who loves freedom.

>think about how I fantasized about being a vagabond as a little kid, loved adventure
>grow older and realize that I hate places I'm used to and want to continuously explore, but love *home*...bringing home along with me seems rational
>broken human being; shitty social skills so this may interfere greatly even in a *real* job
>speech delayed in elementary school despite skipping a few grades
>dunno if this is me trying to escape the reality of my life

I'm left to contemplate this weird realization, wondering if it's unrealistic, wondering if it's possible...

>>18299686
susan....leave gabriel alone

>>18299751
Not Susan, or Gabriel. That response was more therapeutic than actually meant for the person I'm sure wrote that letter.

Sorry, Anon.

>>18299749
You're young and stupid and still able to do so

>>18299771
This.

>>18299749
Living as a vagabond is a bitch. Especially for women, you're an easy target for predators.

>>18299686
Portland, Oregon?

>>18299778
Yeah, I've been considering that part. I'd have to definitely bring a friend.

Does it count for anything that I've never been sexually harassed and only been catcalled once by some drunk weirdo that called me beautiful? I honestly don't think predators are turned on by me.
I'm pretty tall and well-built. I can fight. I've beaten up a huge male bully before. Could have even more muscles, too, if I lifted regularly. I could get a gun. I could cut my hair and pretend to be a man.

Wouldn't that be enough, on top of being smart about where I go and being aware of my surroundings?

still can't sleep, still wanna die

>>18299794
Consider the fact that resources will be very hard to get when you're going off the grid. Don't fall into drugs when you are getting blue, it will only worsen your state in the long run. As for self defense, you should have something to protect yourself despite the fact that you think you can fight back with bare hands. Be aware of the friendly stranger, they may seem harmless but most will only use you when they offer shelter no matter how attractive you are, but don't shy away some can be benevolent and you might get new friends. Just have someone to fall back on when things get out of hand. Most of all don't expect it to be fun and exciting 100% of the time. There will be days where it's just dark and gloomy.

I somehow managed to not fuck up my grades and raised my gpa 0.2 points this semester. Guess it's not quite time to kill myself yet.

Hopefully D.E and Cal 4 don't kick my ass.

>>18299830
good job

Why cant I make a new thread!!! :(

>>18299801

Day three no assistance is when it got crazy. Don't die.

Looked at myself in the mirror today.

Well, I guess that explains why I'm tired all the time.

I guess I'm trapped for a bit. It's funny. This has been an issue my entire life. It's caused me a lot of pain, and it's something I've always known about. Yet, I think to some degree, I've hid behind it. Like it was an excuse to not try harder. I know what I have to do, I'm just sort of ashamed that it's taken this long to come about. Ah well.

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I had a dream last night that I was walking around campus and people would call out to me and say hi, and people would easily open up to me.
I get these kinds of dreams every now and then. I guess it reflects my frustrations involving interacting with people. In real life, I have no friends and nobody really says hi to me (except for perhaps one person).

I hope I can get to that level of comfortableness with people. My avoidant tendencies are extremely strong, so it isn't easy, but I hope it's at least possible.

What do you guys do to waste time while you're waiting for something?

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I just want to love someone and look after them and be the only person in their life and for them to accept my illness. I would do anything for a partner like that. I would give them everything and anything.

>>18300205
What's your illness?

>>18300205
I'm your man. A/S/L?

i think youre fucking amazing, i want to spend so much time with you. thanks for reminding me what love should be about.

>>18300207
Extreme Separation Anxiety.
I can't stand being away from the person I love for very long or I get extremely depressed. I need someone who doesn't mind a human puppy. >>18300209
21/F/Aus

>>18300213
I can deal with a human puppy because I'm sort of the same way. But I'm 26/M/US

>>18297243
I have a heoved every goal and dream Ive ever had at age 24. I have no idea what to do with myself now that I have a house in the suburbs, a stable career with near automated upward mobility and an honest, christian wife thats secretly a nympho. I thought it would take longer but everything just fell into place once I started taking advice from the older guys down at the moose club. I have no idea where to go from here, i feel like a dog that actually caught the car he was chasing.

>>18300222
Rip
It's so difficult to meet people like us as well, I only leave my house when I absolutely have to. I would kill for a clingy bf

>>18299686
You never had unconditional love for me; you'd use argument to exhaust me into changing my stance for the sake of peace. Someone with unconditional love would never say the hurtful things you did with wanton abandonment, just to get your way.

I hate your selfishness, and lack of willingness to compromise. Everything is your way or no way at all, which is incredibly unfair.

You got what you wanted, I'm gone, why are you unhappy?

>>18300227
Hey, it's not RIP. Got a kik? Never know we might fall madly in love and end up a success story.

>>18300244
Not the anon you replied to but I'm going to pretend you're someone I once cared deeply about.

I'm sorry for the things I said that hurt you. I feel remorse for the unkind things I've told you in the past and guilty for all of the threats. Sometimes I want to inflict the pain you did onto me back onto you but I don't lash out because I sincerely appreciate that you no longer come here to get a rise and reaction out of me. Thanks for the space you have given me. I am still hurt from all the deceit and the time I have wasted, for the love I shared and did not get in return, but the memories we made together is something I'll always cherish. On my darkest days I think back to some of the better times we shared together and for a brief moment I begin to feel better. Unfortunately the anger and resentment return so I have some growing up to do before I think to face you again and by then we will both forget each other and what we were upset about. I hope to start a family by then with someone I love and I hope the same for you. Good luck with everything you do.

t. swolemate

>>18298621
You need a crutch, I don't.

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context: okay, girl is going to eu for a bit, i am autistic and i sent her this message.

what's going on?

>>18300304
What does this even say

The Chariot stands for combined powers, ready to move forward. It represents the dynamic principle and the human will to proceed, the ability to use the powers of life and keep the outer and inner balance.

The Chariot shows a strong will, a strong personality, and at its best, victory and success. But it also is a symbol for controversial power, for contradictions that are not solved, but just controlled. In this, the trump also warns of overestimation and recklessness. With every new venture or beginning one should check carefully whether the desired goal is compatible with one's life and inner self.

Additionally, the Chariot is a symbol for the armor we build up when moving forward in the process of self-assertion. It also alludes to the danger that we might mix this armour with our actual personality.

So a negative aspect of the Chariot might involve understanding that the way of armed power isn't always the right one, that the controversial power inside may to be reconciled with one other, and not just controlled and surpressed.


Drive: The will to conquer, courage, victory

Light: The awakening of powers, the way ahead, searching and finding one's place in life

Shadow: Megalomania, insensivity, running against walls

>>18300312
I want her to be explicit on the emotional dimension of our relationship because she sends mix cues, or at least what I am likely wrongly interpreting. I know the go-to approach is to be defensive and not believe this to be any thing but platonic but the cues are persistent. So the context is: I am having troubles understand her cues for its emotional significance. I kissed bye and I got that response?

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I pirated windows and now I can't help but feel paranoid about keyloggers or trojans on my computer

I wonder if you can feel me thinking of you.

>>18297243
i cant stand the dreams about the talking creatures anymore, i just wanna die in silence and escape from their bullshit

If she leaves I think my life is over. I'll still walk, talk, go to work, but I'll be dead inside. She's so perfect I just wish she could view herself the way I view her.

I messaged her first, now the waiting is even more painful.

I got rejected by a girl about a month ago after a pretty intense but short-lived relationship in which we had sex and got pretty close emotionally. Now I dream about her every single night. Every dream is in a different setting (places I've lived or amalgamations of places that I've been) and our relationship plays out in a condensed form always with her disappearing away from me and me looking for her. It some dreams she leaves me with another man such as her exbf or some other faceless guy, in others she simply leaves and is gone. I'm always searching for her. In my conscious mind I've accepted that it's over, but these dreams continue. I've never had anything like this happen in my entire life.

>>18300500
man, what a thought

if she could feel me thinking of her she'd never talk to me again because she'd be paranoid 24/7

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. Sure, I don't think about you as much, but I still do a few times a day. Can't help but just look up at the sky and think to myself of how you are doing, or what are you up to, or if life is treating you well. Sometimes I wonder if you look up as well and think of me, although it don't think that's too likely, but I guess I can hope. I just sit here at work or study and feel my phone and its ghostly vibrations. For a second my heart beats in response and then breaks down again. But, still I wait.

Yes, maybe it's stupid to wait around like this. Wait for someone I pushed too far. I never did show you love you gave me. It's not that I didn't want to, but I wasn't myself. The comfort of my apathy and depression warped and twisted my words and emotions. Whenever I tried to express them towards you, to give you the warm you handed to me, it turned into daggers. I was too absorbed by the numbing peace of my hole. You always tried to give me your hand, but I only pushed it away.

Now I see that we changed places.. I see you digging down, and giving into the sadness we harbored. I see you hunkering down in your foxhole against the mental assault of life. Don't. You becoming what I was is the last thing I would ever wish for you. Fight back as you told me so many times before. Raise up in anger against life and fight back. If I could give of the fire, a flame you gave me to stave of the darkness, I would gladly return it. For i have been in that hole for so long, that I know what it does to your mind. I know of those things that it robs from you. And I don't want to see you robbed of that light you have. A smile looks far more beautiful on you than it ever will on me. So fight, and burn, but don't go cold. For as time goes by and the deeper you dig you'll start thinking the shivering as warmth, the walls as protection and sadness as comfort. Don't give up.

>>18300259
undeadmeow

>>18299573
You fell for the "sexual liberation" meme.
Don't you feel liberated? Don't you feel free from the shackles of love? Is this not what you wanted?

All you can do now is find what will actually make you happy. For a ride on the cock carousel seems to have cost you more than just a few bucks.

Why are your compliments always so lukewarm? There's more than just "pretty good". When you say it for this thing it's going to hurt a lot and I'm gonna tell you.

>>18300613
>All you can do now is find what will actually make you happy
This is really the whole point of doing anything in life, right? I did fall for the meme hard, and I am super pissed at myself for that. But desu I would rather know what I know today and bear the shame of my past than have grown up sheltered with my hymen intact. My whole philosophy on life and my goals have changed entirely from just a few years ago. I mourn and sulk about what could have been sometimes. But I no longer retain that fairytale dream, it was never attainable anyway because I've been fucking autistic my entire life and am only now getting the help I needed.

>>18297243
D,

You fucking bitch. You continue playing victim in all this, never once realizing you had fault too. You're a goddamn immature brat. You're lucky I didn't sue you for slander.

Now I hope you realize not everyone's on your side. Don't come crying to me about it.

>>18300584
Made me cry.

>>18300675
>This is really the whole point of doing anything in life, right?
Yes, ma'am. Pretty much that. All you can do now is learn from it and see what you can do to make yourself happy. Eventually, If you are still open for a relationship, someone will see some value in you. The question then becomes, will you tell them the truth? Or will you obscure it? Will they handle it well? Or will they reject you?

As long as you're clean, I guess it should be fine, but not everyone thinks the same.

But, for now, try to figure yourself out. Find value in yourself first. Just remember true happiness is found within the heart, not inside of your vag, or at the tip of a cock.

You know I want a positive mind state, like imagining her saying "yes" to invite
But I already practiced it and result always ended with ignore
Now odds are on my side but I just don't want another crush
If I don't do it it will crush my soul sooner or later
God why puberty existed

>>18300584
This is beautiful. I wish I said some of this to a certain someone.

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https://youtu.be/oWYp1xRPH5g

Could you try and be more empathetic?

>date girl
>she's lying and doing shit behind my back the whole time (never physically cheated just internet stuff)
>lies about it for the next 2+ years we're together
>we take a break
>get back together
>she doesn't seem to be lying to me anymore about that stuff
>still can't get over it
>break up with her again

kill meeeeeee :(

it's been six months, I haven't even wanted to pursue another woman.

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>>18298234
Damn, I feel exactly how you feel.

She was unique. That was the first time I really fell in love. Everybody said she was ugly, too reserved, too quiet. I loved her. She rejected me. Off to a successful life she goes, and her memory will never leave me.

I'm a huge slut now ever since my ex and I split. They were very abusive and it wasn't great. I really don't want to be dating any of the three or four people I'm juggling, is this the nature of tinder? I don't know what these people want except like, to fuck. I just want to be with this one person I've been in love with for four years, but they don't and can't know.

They're coming to visit me next week. I'm not sure what to make of it.

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I have become full of hate.
I hate the modern world, and our sickening culture, that promotes nothing but self obsessed hedonism and greed, instead of personal improvement, both physical and spiritual.
I hate the people I see on the street, the foreigners, the druggies and other degenerates litter my people's homeland. Nobody cares about the future of our people anymore, and the few who do, are shat upon by our corrupt media.
I feel such immense powerlessness. Every day I go out to the city, I am filled with rage when I witness the continuing degradation of my people and our ancestral homeland at the hands of traitors and invaders. I want them gone, now, but I don't know how. I don't want to see a single fucking foreigner in my homeland, but what can a man do against these corrupting tides of neoliberal greed that are rotting away the very foundation of our people's future.

I wish for a future where my people would still exist, as our own, soverign, and homogeneous nation, free to pursue our own future without having to bow down to the will of foreigners. That is a world in which one might desire to have family and children in. Not this current mess, where it seems that at this rate, my grandchildren will be fucking minorities in their ancestral homeland.

I want this society to burn down, I want utter chaos, people dying, a purifying fucking flame that purges out the weak and the unworthy so that strong men can once again, establish a society that works. The collapse is fucking inevitable, what is torturous about it is the creeping slowness of it. Inch by inch, the rot spreads, values and traditions die, people lose touch to their past and roots, all the while legions of foreigners flood into our land in search of gibs. It is as if the powers that be know that you need to slowly boil us to death, otherwise people wake up to the fate that awaits them.

Sometimes, I wish I could become once more one of those still asleep. Knowledge is suffering.

>>18300687
What did she say?

Have you ever thought that maybe you pushed me too far? That I'm now too far gone to comeback?

>>18300584
But I can't do it without you. You were so much of my light. This was always the difference between us...

>>18300853
>tfw this is how girls have sex in modern world

>>18300881
>>18300884
Like I said, by then we'll forget each other and what we were upset about.

>>18300867

I hate everything too and I agree with this sentiment completely. Preachh on.

>>18300867
Just so you know I feel fucking same.

>>18300890
Easy for you to say. That's my whole point.

>>18300886
Out of my close friends, no, this isn't what they do. I don't really think this is what I want but I'm also living in a place where I've got no friends and know absolutely nobody so I'm compensating by having casual sex. Most my girl friends were virgins until they turned 22 so it goes either way

>>18300907
There you have it

>>18300913
>Most my girl friends were virgins until they turned 22
I want to believe but hahahahaha

>>18300884
Then contact me. For the embers in me slowly grow cold, I can only stoke the flame for so long on the memories we shared. On the times when I wasn't addled by the endless thoughts of negativity. Contact me. Let me look upon you again, let me give back the smiles you gave me. Let me give back the warm embrace you shared. I won't turn you away, but I will keep you close as I should have been long ago.

This is the time
I'm alone
I'm free to think about you

If I was another person I would avoid myself as much as possible, because I'm fucking terrible at maintaining relationships. I just act like alienated and do stupid shit and the I forget every hurtful thing that I did, and this is destroying my fucking relationship. I wish I could just live well alone but I crave for friends and for love, but I will destroy them and I will make them feel horrible because I'm fucking broken in a weird way and I'm a incredibly emotionally unstable. I can't take a fucking criticism.
I just wish I was dead, and I'm starting to think seriously about suicide and self hurting.

Hey, How has your day been today? I'm suffering most painful things ever in my life. everyday. Did you ever think about wishing or waiting something that isn't going to happen? unfortunately, I'm still thinking about you and my brain and heart doesn't allow me to forget about you. I know I'm not a type of you but.. please can you borrow me a day? I'm really about to kill myself. please can you just say 'yes' for me? I really hope you will read this and realize I wrote this shitty article. please.. please....

>>18301005
Yes

I keep having dreams about the love of my life. I dont think we've talked in about 6 years. I have these wonderful dreams where everything is fine. It feels so serene and peacefu, everything feels so right. Until I wake up, and the real world comes crashing down and I'm slapped in the face by reality, and my pathetic existence sets in as I wipe the crust from my eyes. I can't help but thinking now much of a failure I am and how disappointed she would be in me if she could see me now. I Don't even have dreams because I smoke a lot of weed but this is the third dream I've had about her this month. It's my birthday in two days and all of this is just making me want to kill myself. I really can't take it.

I hate you so fucking much right now. I don't even have words to describe how much. You are the most selfish fucking person I have ever known. You ruined me and you know it and you text me about your fucking TWITTER FIGHTS? Fuck you, you selfish piece of dog shit.

>>18300896
>>18300898
At least I am not alone with this mental burden

I don't plan on acknowledging anything I have ever said in my life. People have complete openess of what I have said in the past and I seriously don't even want to try to defend or apologize for any of it.

I don't know what the fuck kind of mood I was in when I said it. I don't know if I might have been joking, serious, or half joking or the context. So if someone comes up to me and starts quoting shit I once said (in private even)... I'm just going to say fuck off.

>>18300932
I guess they were way more neurotic about that sort of stuff than I am, probably should have followed suit

The question came up in my mind, unbidden:

>Would it make it better if he came back right now?

And, to my complete surprise, the answer came back immediately:

>No.

Huh.

I guess it really *is* over.

im so sad. i told you i wasn't sad anymore when we talked about your recent depression, your panic attacks and you losing your job and moving but i am sad i didn't even realize how sad i am. like i didn't want to admit it.

our relationship was the best. when we passed by chance on the sidewalk last month and insatiably made out it was like i was being swept away with you all over again. you were trying to get my shirt off in the street and grabbing at my belt, kissing my neck. neither of us could even remember why we're not together but you were pushing me and hitting me and kissing me and telling me how much you missed me. i love you so much.
i fell in love with you without even realizing what i was doing and then to see you again by chance was surreal and amazing. you were right in front of my stupid face. i love you

>>18301106
Why did he leave?

Today I felt alone as fuck. Everyone else in the house had their SO close to them or was happy otherwise. Then everybody left to attend some show or to other places. All evening I sat there alone, thinking about how the girl I dream of will never be mine. Then, to get my mind off of her I message another girl and offer her a coffee and a walk tomorrow. Conversation goes fine up to the point where she asks me to describe my looks and procedes to disappear afterwards.

Porn does nothing, I'm not horny, I'm lonely. I seek companionship, not sex. At this rate I'll give up my standards and start drinking whisky alone again.

>>18301146
He didn't really love me.

I wish I had some place I felt needed or wanted.

I want to die

>>18301301
How do you know?

>>18301340
Why?

>>18301111
nice quads and this is so touching

>>18301341
Men can't love as hard and as deep as women.

>>18301264
youve hit rock bottom. go in a bar. alone

>>18297243

I want to post how I feel, and I don't really want people saying "Just ask her out, brah".

I jut need to get this off my chest.

I've never regretted choosing not to ask someone out. Not once.
People always say you'll wonder "what if", that you'll regret not knowing. But I already knew.

Because I have regretted asking, regretted letting people know how I feel. Far worse than not knowing.

There are maybe two women in my past, who might have acted differently. I think about it sometimes, but I don't regret choosing not to ask them out.
The first had already rejected me once, but one day claimed I seemed to have changed. We got close, maybe even flirted and her friends asked about us. Looking back, it was probably a sure thing.
But asking her out would make me look like a creep who couldn't move on. I asked her out once already, that was enough. I wasn't going to take the risk again.

The second, was smoking hot and a massive tease. I'm pretty sure she was just joking around and toying with me. I only think about her sometimes because of how ridiculously hot she was, and how despite being a tease, was still nicer than pretty much all the women I met before her.

Now there's this women at work. I can barely talk to her, and shit, I barely noticed her until recently.
I caught her staring at me alot. We spoke once before that, and to be honest, she did most of the talking.
Anyway, since I've started to notice her, the way she looks at me, stares. The way she smiles and waves. Tries to get my attention.
I've grown attached and I'm pretty sure that this too, could go somewhere.

Now I'm wondering if I'll finally feel the regret people talk about, because alot has changed for me and I'm clearly not the same "creep" I used to be. People treat me differently.

However, there is another problem. She's previously complained to a manager (who happened to be my brother, so this is how I heard about this) abut some guy harassing her.
1/2

>>18301349
Its actually the other way.
Women can only love their children.
Men need to love their wives to stick around.

>>18301345
Everything bored the fuck out of me and I enjoy nothing. I hate doing anything. Watching movies, playing games, listening to music, everything. I hate going outside. I hate everything.

The only thing that makes life bearable are the drugs. No, the drugs didn't cause the apathy. I was that way for my entire life and I wanted to die years before any drugs.

The drugs are what saved my life.

Now they are trying to take that from me. They won't give me the medications which help and get pissy that I take the drugs I do.

They really have no idea how my mind works. Everyone in the world apparently have the solutions to my life.

No one listens to me.

I want to die.

>>18301341
It's way too long a story to tell here. Just trust me, he didn't.

At least, not enough to count.

>>18301354
2/2

She's complained because some guy was interested in her.

I've heard two sides to this story. In hers, he was showing up everywhere she went, even stopping his own work to go find her.

In his, she didn't make it clear she wanted nothing to do with him, he had no idea. He thinks she's a bitch for going to the management.

I don't know the truth, and I'm not in the habit of picking sides based on feelings.

She's potentially a job threatening risk to me, no matter how interested she seems.

I have no idea what to do, and it seems like chances are, I'll regret either decision.
With that in mind, it's a lose/lose situation so I'll most likely just "learned helplessness ignoring the shit out of everything and not doing anything", otherwise known as "The usual".

But it sucks.
I just wanted to type this shit out.

will anything be the way I dreamt,hoped it will?I used to believe so but nowdays it seems next ti impossible.I just don't,or even cant,feel close to anyone.Ever since I noticed I wasn't happy things went downhill.Don't get me wrong I don't regret letting you go from my life and those other people too,they did make me only feel like crap after all,but some days I kinda wish I could go back.Once in a while I dream about you and you are as when we first met,sweet,kind,caring.When did you becone so cold and harsh?I needed you and you let me down,you said you loved me and you'd fight for me but you didn't cause reasons.Your figh was a text saying I think about you months after we broke up...not even an apology for all those horrible shit you said and you even got offended I could respond to your feelings.Well how the fuck does it feel,you like it?!So much for your love you wuss,you let me fall apart and then say I didn't gice you a chance,you have so much nerve!Hope I don't see you anytime soon but I prolly will fml.

>>18301359
I don't even enjoy sex. I seriously just don't enjoy literally anything in life.

Don't try to set me up with anyone. Don't... just... kill me.

Just fucking kill me. I don't want money, fame, sex, I don't even want the truth anymore. I just want to fucking die.

>>18297243
So I met this guy by absolute CHANCE. Something happened and all of a sudden we became acquaintances and things got so fucking flirty all of a sudden I don't know how. He drives me fucking CRAZY, like he's my proper crush for a very long time except he's flirty as well.

But I know he doesn't really like me, like he would compliment me all the time and my heart would go nuts. I have a feeling that's just a thing he does though. Fact is, he's such an attention whore, narcissist, faggot, and the fact that I'm actually CRAVING him is driving me fucking crazy. This is so many levels of stupid I can't even.

Before all this happened I'm pretty much the classic robot, but now all of a sudden I understand love songs; I actually care about my appearance and posture.

I fucking hate him. He drives me crazy.

I just need to get this off my chest. There's no way we could be together (110%). There's a report I need to finish but I keep thinking about him. He makes me realize I actually want to be in relationships. omg i fucking hate him

>>18301389
and you assholes keep playing that stupid eminem song.

No, I don't care if I let the moment slip by. I just don't fucking care. I don't care about anything.

I just want to die

I'm so fucking apathetic that I don't care to even find a way to kill myself. I just wanti to happen

>tfw can't tell if I'm creative and charming or if I'm just an insufferable cunt

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In spite of everything, I like being a black girl and I'm excited to blossom into a woman. That's all.

I still have dreams about her. Every single night. Most nights they're so realistic that I wish I didnt have to wake up. Things werent right toward the end, but they were so good when we started. The night that I dont sleep, which are a lot of them these days, I sit up thinking about how I could have fixed it. I dont sleep a lot anymore because of it, and I drink considerably more. I just want to forget. I loved her and I ran it into the ground. I still love her.
I know she doesnt want to see me ever again, and I understand why. I threw away everything we had by forgetting the little things and not growing up. I still hope that some day I'll see her around town and we'll just share a passing glance, maybe a smile, and go on with our lives.
Its been over two years and I havent even seen her.
She contacted me once, but it was just her saying goodbye and getting closure. She told me I was a bad influence on her life and that I was a toxic human being. I agree. I didnt respond and just let her get closure in peace, without making it into a big deal. Should I have responded? Should I have said I missed her?
Oh well.
I know she doesnt browse here, and if she did then it wouldnt be this board.
I miss you Doll.

And I still love you.

-K

I would be homeless if I weren't here.

I really wouldn't care either way.

what I'm mostly looking forward to is to stockpilie drugs and never leave my house ever again.

I don't care if I don't live with anyone. I don't care if I ever have sex again.

My ideal life is drugs, photoshop, music, and to be left alone.

That's what I want. If not that, then jsut kill me.

Please.

I am sick.

I tried killing myself today, I thought I would finally be able to do it. I felt at peace until I didn't.

Do I even want to heal?

I can't remember the last time I was happy.

I hate myself.
I'm surprised I haven't started abusing drugs, seeing that I am around them 24/7.

I'm already 26 years old and I haven't done shit.
I'm fucking ugly and all my interests are considered autistic and childish.
Now I know why people bullied me in school.
I must have some mental disorder or something.
I would kill myself but i'm retarded enough to think I have what it takes to do what I want in life.

I'm just like my mom. I keep thinking it's just going to happen as I kill myself everyday by doing nothing.

Don't talk to me. Don't even greet me. I don't want you to acknowledge my existence.
You are all hypocrites.
You make me sick.

>>18301390
Why don't you just get with him

>>18298557
Huh, I wonder if you are going through similar situation, but from the opposite perspective.

>>18297243
Deep inside me, All I want is a hug.
This loneliness: Each day it adds a layer of darkness around my heart;
Why do I care so much about being love by one woman: I always fall in love quickly and with people I can't get.

This crushing loneliness is growing into a paranoiac wrath that I can't seem to control anymore and I fear the day this Anger and Sorrows will explode.

Help me anons.

Remember how much you guys were so against pressuring someone to have sex? How wrong it is and how it's rape?

Remember when you went on and on about how "NO MEANS NO."

Guess what?

I don't want to have sex with a person that has a penis. I have absolutely no interest in such a thing. I say no.

and no means no.

If you don't want me to fucking say anything then you need to tell me what is ok and what isn't. You need to actually help me for fucking once.

I don't want to play your stupid fucking game. I never did. Just fucking end it already for fuck's sake.

You cut me off from the world, you take away my medications, and turn everyone I know against me.

how, exactly, did you expect me to fucking handle that?

If you gave me medication then I wouldn't say a god damn word to anyone.

Or if you just end it.

>>18301550
...it may not help.. but try to be happy that at least others are happy..

Unrequited love is far too comon it seems.. and loneliness conbined with aging is a harsh but true reality..

I work at a factory for 11+ hours.. met a girl here, far too young for me, but very mature.. for a while I thought she was single and wanted to get to know her better.. I developed a huge respect for her, and I even told her it was a pleasure meeting her.. two days later I sit in front of her and ask her during lunch, just who texted so much, and she said "mi novio", her bf. I kinda stopped talking and wished them both well. He's in her native country trying to make it here to be with her.

So in retrospect, what attracted me to her, her quiet demeanor for her age, her work ethic, her maturity, all things I didn't have much of throughout my life, though I have worked hard..hmm, I realized those aspects of her were a reaction to her being patient for her partner in a way.. every break was an opportunity to txt with him, feel closer to him.. and I guess I felt like a fool after. Life will get empty, but it will make you realize things..make you.if not stronger, more aware.

>>18301590
I'm stronger and colder, as I lived through many unrequited love episodes. but deep inside l know that this loneliness is eating my life up. I don't specially need to not be lonely anymore
i want a way to accept it and take advantage of it, as I thought I did, so I, can finally rise up as a superior person without affect.

WHy don't you end it.

Fucking... just end it. JUST END IT. end it end it end it end it end it end it end it end it endrtineiatniant;aksddlfkal;sdk

I hate going to sleep. I lay there for 6 hours before I finaly fall asleep. The entire time I am twitching or having tremors. I'ts stressful. I'ts stressful trying to sleep.

I hate being awake. I'm seperated from the world. Everyone lies to me. I'm constantly being told that I'm going to be in a situation that I just don't fucking want to do.

You took away the things that help me focus. You do it while ignoring everything I say about my own fucking feelings, thoughts, and emotions. My entire life I have constantly been ignored, my opinion discarded for NO fucking reason and you continue to ignore me.

I hate people. I don't want to go outside ever again. I just want this to be over so I can get my money, buy what I need, and then tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone. I hate living.

I hate being fucked with constantly.If you would just fucking tell me what is going on or just END IT already then we wouldn't have any problems.

Just end it. emd it. Ffucking end it.

>>18301607
Reads like someone's coming off teh drugs.

>>18301607
>>18301580
You need to give yourself time to adjust to your medication or ask your doctor for something else after describing your symptoms because you're ruining this thread with your schizoaffective rants. You need help outside of 4chan.

>>18301628
>>18301624
I don't want to play the stupid fucking game.

Fuck all of you. End this already.

This isn't ok. This isn't right what you fucking did to me.

>>18301632
I guarantee no one here has any idea what you're talking about..... Take your medicine on time every day before the paranoia kicks in to help yourself and your family by doing this. No one is focusing on you, you are not being targeted. Get help. Call a hotline.

>>18301640
I hope you all die

>>18301365
What do you think is more likely- that this girl just had it out for your brother and hates men so much she would go to the manager for someone just being nice - or that maybe he actually was coming by her all the time and going out of his way to find her? You don't do that to her, do you? And even you get clear signals from her that she may be interested. Why would she be so mysterious to just your brother so that he couldn't get the hint.

>>18301640
Idk I'm picturing ewan macgregor in trainspotting with a PC in the room.

No reasoning with them 'til they've purged.

Could be wrong, obviously.

>>18301667
sorry I misread and thought she had accused your brother of harassment.

>>18301667

I meant that my brother was the manager she went to.

But I'm not sure which is more likely, the guys story or the girls.

If I had to guess both would have some truths, probably caused by miscommunication or some shit.

Either way, I'd rather not take the risk.

>>18298430
I think some initials might be in order

>>18301677
J

S.

You used to send me messages talking about how much you hated yourself, and how unfair life was because you didn't look the way you wanted to.

You used to send me messages all day and night and talked about how much the smallest things bothered you. You whined about everything, you complained about everything, got mad whenever someone tried to make you feel better. But you demanded all of my time and always took the chance of to make me feel horrible whenever you could.

But whenever I fucking needed you, you ignored me. You pretend you didn't see the messages. I watched someone i loved died, i had to make sacrifices that nearly killed me just to please my family. I wrestled with depression, spent nights wondering how to kill myself. I almost fucking did it, but you wouldn't care. You could tell me how much you hated god because he didn't give you the face or lips you wanted and blamed everyone for all of your own failures, but you couldn't take five minutes to comfort me when I asked for help.

Fuck you.

j.

>>18301650
You're sick but such an asshole. >>18301668
I don't understand the reference. I assumed you were the sick person and if you're nerotypical, my b.
>>18301681
Are you a male, J?

>>18301705
you assholes are the sick ones.

I just wanted to live a peaceful normal life. Instead... I got this bullshit.

Well, last exam is tomorrow. And here I am on 4chan when I should be studying.

I used to be on the Dean's List. But I just don't care anymore. I'm too fucking depressed and unmotivated.

Does it make me a beta if I like a girl and let her walk away?

>>18301705
Trainspotting is a movie about scottish lads with heroin addiction. Watch it, it's great.

>>18301718
Depends on the reason

>>18297243
I'm a terrible person with no future, I should've just killed myself in high school.

>>18301705
Yup. Am a male J.

I just think that children are gross and women are ugly.

I don't know who you're trying to fool.

Your actions don't lie and your apologies are shit.

Two things are going to happen.

1) You're going to be destroyed and he won't be there to help you.

2) It will be too late to apologize.

When that time comes, I hope you choke on ever bit of it.

I cheated on my boyfriend of 4 years last week with one of our co-workers.
He has no idea, and i don't feel guilty, but i know i'm a shit person for it
I just want to end it so i can pursue this other guy
But now i dont think the other guy would go for a relationship with me, even though we are still great friends, because he knows i'm a fucking cheater

this is a stupid ass conspiracy of mine but i think my bf is attracted to me because im similar to his brother, personality wise (theyre very close, but i have more similar interests and hobbies with his brother than i do my bf).

>>18299032
:(

>>18299032
Wishing the best for you. You sound a good guy, mate. You'll make it.

Hey,

It was fun hanging out on break, today. You weren't a total total ditz, and I wasn't a total spaz. Though I hope I didn't sound boring.

Maybe you just joined me because you missed the break with your 'usual' crowd.
In any case, it was nice getting to know you a little bit more.

Cheers

A confession is a confession. Just hurry up and decline it. I would rather much prefer that than silence.

>>18301732
How do you feel about female domination

>>18301815
W

>>18301732
John?

>>18301843
Hahah, nope.

>>18301838
...This a date? lmao.
Depends on what kind of domming we're talking about.

>>18297252
plants are amazing. ever heard of plant bioacoustics? plants are vibrating and constantly talking to each other and other living creatures such as bees. bees have to vibrate each flower at a particular frequency in order to release the pollen.
everything living is extrodinary, it just depends on what you choose to focus on. change your focus, change your life

>>18301794
>>18301794
>But now i dont think the other guy would go for a relationship with me, even though we are still great friends, because he knows i'm a fucking cheater
And rightly so. The only reason you don't feel guilty is because you haven't told your boyfriend. Try telling him. See the pain in his eyes. Then try telling me you don't feel guilty.

Get your shit together. Come clean. Let him leave you. And then be single.

Not only is it the right thing to do, you will be a better person for it.

>>18301365
...d?

>>18298577
You are not alone, I feel the same

>>18301849
Strictly 1 night of fucking you in the ass

I'm sad
I'm with a serial cheater
I don't care anymore
I have 2 jobs, full time student, kid from former ex
I'm saving money so I can get out
Damn, I feel lonely af
I'm so tired.
Days like this, I don't want to exist but you can't do that without dying and I don't want to die.

Damn it
I'm tired of this life

>>18301600
Pain is good for you. Just keep telling yourself that...

pain ...is good..

Pain makes you humble. Pain makes you appreciate the things others have provided for you. Pain makes life transparent.

I'll work on my thesis!

...

I just spent 2 hours drawing a giraffe.
And I'm still not done

>>18301937
Post it

>>18301910
Only if you make me feel good as well, then yes.

>>18301945
of course

Okay so I think this may be starting to become a problem again.
I can't eat unless I'm stoned. I can't sleep, I stay up looking at pictures of ridiculously skinny people for some reason- though I know it's fucking gross, I can't stop weighing myself and puking and smoking and doing whatever the fuck I can do not to gain weight?
Like does nobody see this going on? I have to be on my feet all day at work and I've been trying to eat at least a little bit so I won't pass out but lmao guess what! My body is rejecting food and I have to puke every 5 minutes!
My bf knows and says he notices a difference but doesn't ever really want to talk about it so I keep my mouth shut most of the time because he's sensitive and I don't want to freak him out.
Does nobody see any of this- and if they do, why would they care? Why do I want them to care?
What the FUCK is wrong with me?

>>18301951
Mmm good.
I don't know what initials you have, but you've just made me a little thirsty.

File: girafa.png (264KB, 477x612px) Image search: [Google]

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>>18301941
Some dude wanted a short necked giraffe and I thought why not. I'm still not done but this is how it's looking right now

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I'll be honest, I'm so...fucking lonely.
I try to fill my time the best I can and I wont give up on my goals.
But the truth is it hurts a lot.

This is me complaining. I'll put in more effort now.

>>18301983
What's with the pretty eyes

File: giraffe-featured.jpg (57KB, 1000x400px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 1000x400px

>>18301994
I mostly draw animu girls, I guess it shows lol. They do have long eyelashes though

>>18301976
w.s.
>>18301983
Kewd

>>18302010
O-oh
I'm afraid we aren't each other's letters.
W in my world is extremely rare to come by.

I wanted to feel like a sub for a day tbqh.

>>18300867
Amended

Girl 1

I can't believe how bad a person you've turned out to be. It honestly breaks my heart. I don't believe I was in love with someone who'd have me killed for who I am. You're the reason I'm not opening up to my friends about my sexuality. I'll never trust anyone with that information again.

Girl 2

You going back to your husband and making us watch as you ruined your life, was the last straw. I no longer have faith in humanity. You told me you do everything for your son. That's a lie. We're your friends! We would have helped you break the cycle of abuse! He's going to end up like his father, and his grandfather before him. We didn't want you to have to see that.

Father

You never wanted me. I wish you hadn't lied to my mother and impregnated her with me. I won't be by your side when you die.

>>18302028
my response was to drone about how ridiculous you sound but your response speaks for itself

>>18301956
The people who know you best definitely notice, but they aren't going to say anything because they don't want to offend you or push you away. You need more help than they can give you and they know that.

Hey W, I'm listening to the sountrack of that game we played together. It makes me quite sad. I guess I'll always associate those songs with you. I'll never forget how happy you made me

Nothing makes me feel more guilty than seeing her tag him in cute posts on facebook. And knowing that he would do it again if he had the chance. I fucked up once. I won't be a part of him cheating again, no matter how many times he asks.

>>18302148
Same, brother. Play on.

>>18302078
>Father
savage, but sadly I can relate to this. I wish I had a male role model growing up.

>>18297243
There's a lot that I want, though I think that most of it just comes down to having a SO, or something along the lines of that. I miss the feeling of having someone to come back to, that would be there for you and listen to you and just make you feel more relaxed.

Goddamn, I can't wait for this semester to end; it's been pure hell on the academic side. I feel like I need a break, but due to financial constraints, that break won't come until I'm done with college. And with so many of my friends already done and living their lives, I feel like I'm kind of left behind, stuck in a rut. Which is a stupid thought, and one that hasn't come to my mind for a while. So I'll do my best to push it out of my mind.

I just think I'm tired, and I think I just wanted to ramble a bit. So, that's it; there's the end of my rambling, thanks for reading (or not, it's okay)

I hate that it's you. You're sneaky but I'm aware of all the tricks.

just want to wake up everyday with you, go eat shitty brunch, nap around all day/evening, go out and get wasted and fall all over eachother, make love all fucking night long, and do it all over again for the rest of my life.

that's all.

I'm a little scared. Actually, incredibly scared. Terrified. I hope this works out, otherwise I won't know what to do...

A family member with a brain injury keeps repeating my new bfs name and saying he's bad and wants my sister dead. I know it's probably just nonsense, but a small part of me wonders if she saw things while unconscious that might come true.

When she is spirited away, will you call and comfort me? What about 20 years from now when Peep is spirited away? I'm freaking out and idk why. I am thinking to myself how much I hate having delusions. At least they are rare and few nowadays.

It was all a misunderstanding

You are so beautiful and hot. I keep picturing your well rounded ass with that cute thong of yours. God I wish I wasn't too drunk that night, I would have worked my way into that bed with you, sweetheart.

In that other thread, you said you're "taking a break". I hope you never come back.

>>>18301976
Why does EVERYONE know you? This guy I'm hanging with at this very moment knows you! He mentioned your name, asked if I knew you... what the hell? I thought you were a normal person. I guess you thought I was s normal person too. Although both of us should have known better.

>>18300980
Why do you have to be alone to think of her?

>>18301349
Strap ons don't count

>>18302499
kek

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467KB, 640x480px

https://youtu.be/0KvWPgPGTX8

I don't care how you explain it. It's cheating. You knew I didn't want that type of relationship. You pushed and pushed then did it anyway and you're surprised we broke up? you want me back, calling crying and claiming you didn't know it was that big of a deal. I fucking told you, I couldn't be any clearer. Did you think I was playing a cutesy game?

You said you wanted monogamy, you wanted marriage and kids. But really you just wanted to ride the cock carousel.

I should've never done it. I should've learned the first time. when you left I should've let it go.

>>18302764
If it is you:

Same.

A girl I always wanted to fuck back in high school but was too shy to talk to is now having hard times and becoming a hooker on backpage.

I'm going to fuck her today
Dreams do come true I guess

I'm bi and after three years I'm still in love with a guy from school, I lied and said I got over for both our sakes, we're still pretty good friends and have many projects together with another mutual friend

I'm tired of me.
I thought I was growing by being more open, but it turns out it annoys people. I need to return to my shell and not share my thoughts.
Gotta return to being robotic and cold.

File: 1493912386862.jpg (188KB, 1017x688px) Image search: [Google]

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why don't you love me
why do you love him
if you wanted to come back i would let you, despite what would happen
i'm sorry, i love you