Hello Anons, here is my dilemma. I have family and friends who

>>18296559
see a therapist or you might create personalities

>>18296564
I've actually considered that option, but due to my circumstance in life, I feel that I cannot carry that weight on my shoulder, or rather, on my background. I hope to eventually attain a job in either law enforcement or the medical field. In truth, I do not think I will achieve either goal. In fact, I am almost sure, or hoping I will die before the age of 40. I don't mean that in a suicidal, depressing, or pessimistic way. That is something I have been telling my mother for years and years. I am annoyed about the decisions I have made that brought me to where I am now, but I am not angry about it. I simply am, me.

TL;DR: No.

>>18296592
don't worry or worry enough to find solution and keep it cool bro

>>18296637
I am trying. I really am. I just want to be normal. Or at least feel normal.

>>18296559
Well, for one different people take negative things differently, so there isn't even necessary something wrong with you. Also grief can take time, sometimes years and even decades. Perhaps some of the people around you feel the similar need to act sad.

Though maybe I am biased since I am pretty similar. When my dad or grandma died it had pretty much no effect on me. I guess partly due shitty childhood where emotional vulnerability wasn't an option and partly due not seeing a somewhat peaceful death as something bad. Everyone will eventually die, getting upset over something so guaranteed ... I don't know, it doesn't make any more sense than getting upset over the fact that it's raining after reading the forecast. Music works for me too, since it bypasses most of the thinking.

One more potential reason is very likely the desensitization caused by the Internet/media, or due the amounts of deaths in your surroundings. Firefighters, paramedics and the likes see so much shit it simply becomes routine.

>>18296709
For whatever reason, my computer froze as I was typing my response to you. First of all, thank you for your input. It has not gone unseen or wasted, I can assure you.

What I wanted to say was that I feel that you and I share some similar ideology. I could be desensitized in some way. I mean, my childhood consisted of my mom throwing chairs at me, spitting in my face, and beating me. My father urinating on me. Me torturing animals not for the satisfaction of harming or killing an animal, but out of curiosity as to what what become of the animal. I was a very strange child. Though, in my current state of mind, I have swayed from taking such violent actions. I have control of myself now. I can defend myself now, or so I feel that I can. What I can't do, however, is express myself. Something I think you may have hit the nail on the head with. It may just be that I have accepted the idea of death and understand it enough to know that it is what it is. A theory that I will consider when reevaluating who and what it is that I am.