What would you do if you were me? I need to find fulfillment

>>18291660
Search for something you love doing. Meet new people. Move out.

>>18291695
Basically the only thing I love doing is playing video games. Which is probably why I spent ten years being a tester getting paid to play them.

>>18291700
You just said tht you don't like doing it and it isn't fulfilling?

>>18291705
Playing them or working as a tester on them? I like doing both but neither are very fulfilling.

move to asia and become an apprentice learning how to breed koi

>>18291746
Okay so start doing different things until you find something fulfilling. In the meantime continue playing games for fun, since you enjoy it. But don't let it consume too much time.

Get different hobbies. Split up your time between finance and vidya, as a for example. You're getting diminishing returns on your playong games because it's the only thing you do. Break it up with something different.

>>18291660
Also, you could start dating.

>>18291757
I'm actually married

>>18291660
What's not fulfilling about it?

What do you think would be a fulfilling career?

>>18291660
I make online slot machines and actually find it very fulfilling. I'm a pretty generally happy guy in the first place though. It sounds like you're going through a mid life crisis already.

>>18291764
Like, making an indie game that made a lot of money.

Or being an animator like I went to school for. I'm simply not good enough to compete with people from all over the world.

Or getting a book published.

>>18291769
I think you might be right and I have been for a year or two now. Do you make decent money doing that? Do you use an engine or code them by hand?

>>18291771
Have you tried travelling?

>>18291775
A little bit. Can't really afford it. I've lived in various places in the US though. I live in LA currently and work in Hollywood

>>18291780
How is your marriage going?

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>>18291774
I make enough to live off of, plus I've got a part time job that is very flexable for some extra money. I made a lot more at my previous job working in the casino industry, but it was also way more stressful and I didn't like who I was working for.

Basically I work to live, not live to work. I like spending time with my wife and kid, kicking back with a good video game, and generally enjoying life. I would personally suggest not letting your job define you, which I know can be difficult. Accept it for what it is and take some time to do things you genuinly enjoy.

Also if you find yorself not enjoying things that you used to, that's a red flag for depression which you may want to get checked out.

And I don't know your family, but I highly doubt they are dissapointed in you. Just from what you've provided, it sounds like you're doing just fine.

>>18291771
A book or indie game seems like something you could do as a side project while still keeping your day job.

>>18291793
It's really good and the one positive aspect of my life

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>>18291812
Thanks dude. I appreciate your advice greatly. I too agree that I work to live, but Jesus I spend so much time at work. At the end of the day it's such a struggle (I still do it though) to work on side projects to get ahead. Most people don't have that problem. They have the job they want and get to come home and enjoy their free time.

I don't get that. I have to spend all my free time trying to grind away at bettering my career and my life. I wish I just had the job I wanted and could go home and actually relax.

And being complacent with what I do have is what led me to being a tester for ten years. I don't mind the work tho, it is easy enough that I can say, be on 4chan lol. I like that.

But you're right, my life is actually really great. People tell me I'm way too hard on myself but I can't help but be.

My parents would never say they're disappointed in me, but I think like a lot of parents of people my age they were told their kids could be astronauts or the president when really I'm just your average guy. I can't even pay my student loans. I guess I'm sort of just blogging at this point but thank you all for reading and offering advice, it means a lot to me as I often feel crazy and alone in this. And no matter how much my wife is there for me, no one really wants to hear their husband go on about shit like this. It brings her down and makes me seem like less of a man imo.

Also it doesn't help that a lot of guys I went to my very small high school with are becoming doctors, lawyers, dentists etc and have these trophy wives and live in huge mansions. Here I am in LA busting my fucking ass just to pay the bills.

>>18291904
Your life really isn't that bad. It is absolutely normal to feel like this and sometimes it lasts a bit longer. Really search within yourself for something that you enjoy and something that you could start working. And if you can't do that try seeing your job from a different perspective. I had a friend that worked as a waitress for quite a long time, she could actually land a better job and out other friends made fun of her a lot at the time and couldn't understand why she keeps doing it. One day she told me that she just loves seeing people's faces when they are satisfied with the food they got. She liked thinking about what brought them into the restaurant and she liked the fact that she was the person that is practically going to give them food so that they can stay alive. I think that the point is...no matter what your job is and no matter how shit it is, you need to see your importance in the matrix. You may not like what you are doing, but someone needs what you are doing.

>>18291934
Thank you, that's kind and helpful. Sometimes when I tell people some of the games I've helped test, they're really impressed (some game of the years and best selling titles) yet if they knew the truth they wouldn't be lol.

I used to think it was cool when I was younger, but now I'm old and maybe my problem is I need to be challenged more. I need a more difficult job instead of coasting by.

>>18291949
Have you considered getting some therapy? Just in case.

>>18291960
I was on Lexapro and something else for awhile and after a few months I would say to myself every day, "wow, this is what it must feel like to be normal." I was diagnosed with "severe depression, anxiety, and OCD" but I stopped being able to afford it

>>18291990
Well that explains a lot. Search for a way to go back to a therapist (a good one) and research thoroughly every medication you are taking. Try going a week saying to yourself everyday ''My life isn't actually that bad'' and just remind yourself that someone out there really needs what you are doing. And I'm not even talking about your wife or your family (they do as well of cource). Also think about younger you...I feel like he would think that you are a pretty cool person after all.

>>18292033
Ha, thank you. You might be right - the younger version of me would probably think I'm pretty cool lol

>>18292141
Hope you're a tiny bit better after all that.

>>18292141
I know that it won't just get better like that, by reading anon comments on an image board...but try reminding yourself all these things mentioned above everyday. Give yourself time and chill.

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Damn, this thread is so heartwarming it makes me sick.
Okay. Kidding.

Being a tester for the one thing you love sounds great. That's probably some of the most fulfilling shit you can do...well, aside from creatively fulfilling work.
Try not to attach fulfillment with getting a high pay check too much. With creative work, almost no one - even the successful folks - get a big pay day. You seem rather concerned with that and recognition in general.

Sooo why do you say you're not good enough, especially with your animated work? That's pretty much the primary reason why anyone fails. It isn't "not being good enough." It's admitting that and not working for it. Creative or skilled work like computer animation really isn't just for talented hacks, it's for people who treat it like a 9 to 5 job. This isn't the same as saying this is the segway into getting a job in the field, but taking on a more studious and apprentice-like mindset is the first step. Or should be.