General Relationship Advice

She is doing what a normal human does in social situations. If you want to be together, flirt with her, and see how she reacts. Eventually, if all goes well, ask her out and tell her how you feel. If she says yes, there you go :). If the response is no, you have over 3.5 billion other girls to choose from.

>>18287987
>>18288006
>>18288006
Thank you for the response. I am quite good friends with her and dont want to ruin the friendship with one way feelings. The other week we met up at a park. She was meant to bring her friend but she came alone. Good sign?

>>18288006
>you have over 3.5 billion other girls to choose from
Bad argument, maybe she is special. Happened to me.

>>18287987
>holds eye contact when i am talking to her but when she talks to me she looks around a bit and only holds eye contact briefly.
I'm a girl and I do this with everyone I talk to. I'm trying to change it but yeah, it's a shy thing, not an I like you thing.

>>18288017
>She was meant to bring her friend but she came alone. Good sign?
Could be, or her friend was busy. Nothing concrete tp say about this. Seconding what >>18288006 said.

>>18288020
it is a valid point to make tho. But what you have said is right. She is only one of the 4 girls I have felt a connection with >22 yo

>>18288017
Shes not into you, forget it

She might be slightly flustered but too little info to go on.

>>18288017

Honestly, all girls don't work the same way. They're all different.
I've seen "good" signs on a girl who didn't hit on me at all and bad signs on girls who were in love for me.

If you want the things to be clear, kiss her. Don't just make theories about how if she behave that way it means she loves you.

>>18288030
She is a bit shy from what I have experienced. What is a good way to get her to open up?
>>18288033
Sorry for the minimal info. She like the same music I do when he hug hello goodbye etc. they arnt soft/quick they are warm and tight.
>>18288032
Probably not but worth trying.
>>18288036
Good sure advice. We have the same friend circle and if I am wrong it would make it really awkward. My close friends are also close to her. That's why I turned to ADV

>>18288041

DON'T KISS HER.

Come on, that Anon is fucking crazy. Kissing girls out of the blue works in movies, but if all you jave to go on is eye contact, then never go for the kiss.

>>18288041
8033 here. Ask her then m8 you don't have anything to lose and she might just be into you. Won't know till you try.

>>18287987
thats because she is in her own head thinking about what she is saying.

>>18288041

Dude, kissing or asking out will bring the same level of awkwardness but if you kiss her at least she'll think you've got balls.
And choose the right timing, make your intentions clear before you kiss so she can refuse if she doesn't want to.

I find really weird to just tell her you love her

>>18288057

When I say make your intentions clear I mean by getting closer slowly for exemple

>>18288057

Havong balls is not that attractive if you use them to jump unto her. The "making your intentions clear" part is good though. OP needs to flirt before making a move.

>>18288041
>Probably not but worth trying
Yeah and sacrifice your dreams. If it doesn't scare you, go ahead, but really, I have been in your situation a couple of times and also witnessed other guys running the same patters, you are part of friend group, not somebody shed fuck with (especially if all of this is happening in the university)
So its up to you, but odds sadly play against you (sometimes very big odds play though)

OP
>>18288048
Yea DW that would be to bold.
>>18288050
i potentially could make things awkward for my whole friend circle isolating me from them.
>>18288051
Good to know. Thinking what she is saying is a good sign because she actually is interested in the conversation.
>>18288061
Any pointers?
>>18288068
I am a gambling man ;) If I am to lose i will have a smile on my face.

>>18288068

To add to this Anon, this pattern is self destructive OP >>18287987. You are going for a girl you know is very likely to say "no". Why? Are you so desperate you have to go for an almost sure fail? Are you just tring to prove you are brave? Is this really your best shot, a girl that's cery likely to turn you down?

My girlfriend got high and cheated on me.
I don't want to lose her but I also have a zero tolerance for this bullshit. What do?

>>18288078
I often go out clubbing and have quite a few girls eye me off and dance near me whilst maintaining eye contact, I just want a girl that can actually hold a intellectual conversation.
>>18288079
To you Annon, I am very bias about cheating. It really is a deal breaker for me. Did she tell you or did you find out through a third party? Who was the other person?

>>18288087
>I often go out clubbing and have quite a few girls eye me off and dance near me whilst maintaining eye contact, I just want a girl that can actually hold a intellectual conversation.

None of that explains why you are going for a girl that you know is likely to say "no". There must be an intellectual girl that might say "yes" to you, right?

>>18288100
It really doesn't hey. I cant tell you why anon. Destructive behavior I guess. Any ideas on why?

>>18288107
>Any ideas on why?

It's easier to say "I tried, but got rejected" than to admit you need to become a good catch first. It feels like you are doing something, trying and shit when you have so little chance of success you don't risk her actually saying "yes" and having to date.

Maybe you feel like you invested to much time into getting to know her and you are tired of waiting for her to reprocate your attention. So you wanna Hiroshima the whole relationship by making a move and ruining things, but want to keep the illusion you might get a "yes".

Maybe you don't reallyl ike these people, so risking everything in a gamble that's 99% sure to backfire doesn't seem like a big deal.

Etc, there are many options here. I can't think of a good one, though.

>>18288117
Hiroshima is the last thing i want. I am quite happy getting to know her better and taking it slow so to speak.

>>18288124

Dude, that's one option. My point is: Does a good scenario come to mind if I say this

>All I have to say she likes me is that she keeps eye contact
>Making a move risks a whole group of friends
>I expect her to say "no"

How do you think this will end?

>>18288117
>>18288124
IMO i am a decent catch, I am a Nice genuine person with a good sense of humor. I hold down a solid job drive a nice car. Dress well good hygiene.
>>18288133
All i have gotten from this thread, is that i am over thinking shit. Trying to justify my thought process on meaningless shit. What i need to is get to know her well and enjoy the friendship i have rather than wanting more. what ever happens happens.

>>18288140
>What i need to is get to know her well and enjoy the friendship i have rather than wanting more. what ever happens happens.

That's good.

>Trying to justify my thought process on meaningless shit.

When you have trouble articulating what you think, it may be that you don't want to admit something to yourself. But that's for another time. Stick to the first part, enjoy people as they come. Don't expect them to be more.

>>18288140
>Nice genuine person with a good sense of humor. I hold down a solid job drive a nice car. Dress well good hygiene.
Its nothing.
If you want to gamble, then just ask her out right now (or in real life when you are alone).

>>18288143
Many thanks anon. Best of luck in your future endeavors.
>>18288147
Risk for the biscuit? Yeah nah fuck that more of sponge cake guy. As for gambles i will leave that on the tables. Thank you for your advice tho :)

>>18288147

The scattershot approach, the "number's game", is a desperate act. You only do it if you lack the empathy to understand when someone actually likes you. Also, you are too socially inept to meet people, so you don't have many option. That's why strangers and nuking relationships sounds like a good idea.

>>18288087
>Did she tell you or did you find out through a third party?
She told me last night.
She cheated on me a couple days after I last visited because she lives a couple of hours away. She's been really distant and I just assumed her depression was acting up. She said she's been feeling guilty about it and didn't want to tell me.
While she was being distant I literally told her, "I wish you'd open up and let me know what's wrong. I want this to be a healthy relationship." Even when I said that she still didn't bother telling me.

>>18288079

If you have "zero tolerance", then you break it off. Why doubt?

>>18288157
I did break it off, I told her we were done. I don't know, I just don't want to believe she did it I guess.

OP
>>18288154
How long ago did it happen? it means a lot she actually told you! It truly does show remorse or her actions. Trust is so hard to build and so easily broken/fractured. Bounce your thought process off me. What are you thinking?

>>18288154
>I literally told her, "I wish you'd open up and let me know what's wrong. I want this to be a healthy relationship."
> literally
I like this emphasis.
If you think about it, such words should be easy to say in any social situation, yet most people prefer to never be so honest. I wonder why... I have caught myself doing it, but now I am aware of it.

>>18288161

But she did. She admitted it. You can't change the past, even if it hurts. DOn't worry, you move on. GIve yourself time and spoil yourself this weekend. Watch movies, fap, eat like a pig, whatever. Just don't see her.

>>18288165
About 11 days ago or so. I'm thinking about how much this sucks.
>>18288167
>I like this emphasis.
Yeah, growing up around unhealthy relationships I'd like to avoid them. It was one of the first things I said to her when she started being distant.
>>18288168
Thanks anon, your words help.

>>18288176
A true test IMO of trust. Make her tell you who he was/ his name. If she doesn't she is protecting him. For it to be repaired you both need to be 100% transparent

>>18288176
>>18288187

Don't turn things into tests. She already failed.

>>18288190
Agreed 100% But this confirms what we already. know. And gives her a chance to redeem herself.

I've been with my boyfriend for over four years. Sometimes in my head I think about the pros and cons of the relationship. Is that normal for a long term relationship?

>>18288187
>>18288199
>>18288190
She did actually tell me when I asked who she slept with.

>>18288201
Go over pros and cons with us. I feel this natural and healthy It shows you arnt living in a prefect dream world

>>18288199

Have you ever been with a cheater? Either they lied to the other person, or the poeple around them are fine with them cheating.

If they are a liar on top of a cheater, that's bad. If they are sorrounded by assholes, then you need to make her ask for forgiveness AND remove her social circle. Do you really see yourself making a relationship work after that?

>>18288207
>She did actually tell me when I asked who she slept with.

So? I'm >>18288190. She cheated, she failed. What else is there to say?

>>18288207
It is very hard to say this is tough. Can you let this go or will it be forever in the back of your head what she has done? Will you be constantly questioning her loyalty?
>>18288212
Thankfully i have not anon. but my statement above should shed some light on my thoughts.

>>18288210
There are lots of pros for him. He treats me well, he's funny, he's supportive, we like pretty much all of the same things, he's the number one person I want to spend time with at all times etc.

When we started dating, he was living at home and working a minimum wage job. Four years later and with him almost at 30, he's still living at home and working a minimum wage job. This makes things like sex awkward, which is usually quiet, quick and boring since his damn parents are in the house. I'm still at home because I'm finishing off my PhD, but then begins the job hunt. I'm not gonna lie, all the women I've met in my field have important careermen as intelligent as they are to help support them if they're between jobs. My boyfriend has no knowledge or expertise that would warrant a job above minimum wage, so that places a lot of pressure on me to go out and be the main breadwinner in the household.

>>18288227
Does he make you happy?
Does he bring out the best in you?
Money doesn't buy you happiness. 30 and living at home is a bit of a concern. I want to say do not settle for average. But it could be a lot worse. You be with a low life drop kick that smacks you around. Or a Wealthy man that you never see because he is always on business. Encourage him to better himself.

>>18288247
The answer to those two is yes. I feel like everyone has a vice on this planet and his is definitely sloth. He's overweight (something I forgot to mention) and the only time he applies for new jobs is if I find them for him and show him. I find our work ethic a bit incompatible as I work 60+ hours per week and he works 9-5 and spends the rest of it trolling people on Twitter/4chan or playing video games.

He's a very internalising person, I'm afraid anything I say to him will defeat him rather than motivate him.

>>18288258
It sound like you can do a lot better, but you are stuck in your comfort zone. All i can advise do what is best for you. What is that? what makes you truly happy

>>18287987
Anon, my Boyfriend says he doesn't really like me yet he always wants to spend time with me. How can I make sure what his real feelings are?

I'm in a similar situation to OP, thinking about girl and feel like telling her how I feel, despite knowing there is a very low chance of her liking me back.

> Shy, not very social and outgoing, very kind and polite, extremely religious
> Sometimes looks at me from afar, but not really much
> Definitely suspects I like her, or at least did at some point
> We used to chat a bit, she usually seemed pretty invested in the conversation and picked it up again when I ran out of things to say
> Rarely initiates contact, I'm always the one that goes up to her and starts the conversation
> Lately feels like she's ignoring me, not in a conscious avoiding me on purpose way, but more like a I didn't even notice your presence/I'm busy with my own life kind of way
> Feels like our relationship has became a little bit awkward over the time, at one point she would laugh at my jokes or sometimes look at me when a joke was told, not so much anymore tho
> I think she treats me a bit differently than other guys, she's usually more serious when with me for some reason.
> Her friends like me, to an extent

Now here comes the deal breaker

> She told a mutual friend with whom I'm very close with "there was someone who revealed all signs of liking her, but she doesn't want anything to happen between them"

It's safe to assume she was talking about me, since no one else is visibly chasing her, and I know she hasn't been texting any guy or anything like that. Should I go for it nevertheless? We have many mutual friends but socially there wouldn't be any relevant consequences.

>inb4 flirt with her, don't tell her straight up

I tried flirting with her already, but with her being shy, awkward, and inexperienced, and me being exactly the same, I can't interpret her response. She probably isn't interested in me, but some minor signs point to that, and I don't want to give up as long as there's a chance. I think I'll only get some closure by being direct.

>>18289110
I say go for it. You'd sleep better with closure than with regrets.

How I make a girl like me? I just wanted be more attractive

my ex was a girl i thought was really special and different. amazing overall. I made some mistakes in the relationship due to lack of experience and she broke up with me a year ago citing that she didnt feel i showed i cared enough, was loving enouogh etc

fast forward to a year later, to last week, and she tells me (we were still friends post breakup) that she needed to come clean: she admitted that she cheated on me, and that was part fo why she initiated the break up too.

So my question is, are people just generally all the same? This is a girl is couldnt imagine in a million years actually cheating, but she did. Is there no hope?

How do I find a gf that will come see me in person.i have tried dating sites but don't know what to say.Im 35 been on dating sites and Facebook way to long without any results.i thought about giving my social media accounts to someone else so they can try get results for me

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How long into the relationship should I wait before the whole "love" stuff? I feel like I'm sure about it now, but we're only about two months in our relationship. I'm super romantic, so I'm worried that I'm sure of these things way quicker than he is and I'll freak him out.

>>18289110
> Rarely initiates contact, I'm always the one that goes up to her and starts the conversation
Is a mixed sign. Interested but worried about being clingy
> She told a mutual friend with whom I'm very close with "there was someone who revealed all signs of liking her, but she doesn't want anything to happen between them"
Indicates she is worried about breaking the friendship.
From all your statements she is unsure on how she feels and needs space/time to think dont contact her for a week and see if she contacts you
>>18288841
We are men a stupid. half the time we do not know what we want be forward and ask him

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Ill post here before I start a new thread..

>Be Me 20
>Meet girl 16
>Hit it off n get on really well.
>Has told me she is really keen on me but said that she worries about how she is too young.

How to confront this?

I meet up with her occasionally and is it best to just keep chatting / flirting with her and see if she wont just come around on her own or would I be better to have a proper discussion?

>>18290280
First things first. What is you country of province? Is this legal in your area

>>18289135
Best advice and people will argue against but... Be yourself. Be a genuine person. Women see through the act and if they do not they will realize it was an act later on. Girls love and funny confident guy. One of my best mates is not a good looking guy, be he is a crack up and a all round nice person. He is also bi and slays both ways with ease

>>18289153
> So my question is, are people just generally all the same?
Treat everyone as if they dislike you. Until they prove otherwise. This will protect yourself from future hurt. I feel she was weak not coming clean and blaming you for it. After all this time why did she come clean?
> Is there no hope?
Depends on what you are hoping for

>>18289163
Have you tried going out and meeting people?

>>18289316
Does he put effort into romance? Or do you have to instigate it? I worry about this as well. How soon is to soon to announce your love for someone.

>>18290082
> Mixed signal, interested but afraid to look clingy

I'm not sure about that, I see it as either a byproduct of her shyness or simply lack of interest in me.

> afraid to lose friendship

We don't really have a friendship to break, it feels more like we're acquaitances really

> Don't contact her for a week and see if she contacts you

I did that once, after a while she texted me but it was about a college assignment so nothing personal...she did left a message asking how was the concert I went to last weekend so I guess that's a good sign. But again could be her just being polite.

Another interesting sign I noticed is she's extremely fidgety when I'm around. When we are in class or studying together for exampl, she can't stopp scribbling on her notebook, playing with a pen or whatever, she's always messing on something with her hands. Not sure if that's out of boredom or nervousness...I don't think she does that as much around other people but I don't really know very well, I don't see her that much

>>18290759
>>18290759
Negative the fact she remembered and asked about it is a really good sign.
Fidgeting is hard to base anything off.
A- Good sign. She is nervous around you out of interest.
B- Bad Sign. She is awkward around you because she knows how you feel and doesn't want to lead you on and trying to seem busy/ in interested.

>>18290584
That depends. If it's little stuff like using pet names and hanging out with me, then yeah, he instigates. Other than that though, anything more "heavy" is all on me to bring up and coax him into doing it.

A guy I can't take my mind off of has the following traits:
>young and energetic
>college athlete
>rich (top 1% in America)
>tall and great complexion
>well-dressed
>comfy voice and great sense of humor
>sociable, lots of friends
and here's the interesting part to me:
>no gf
>always been cute, but never had a gf
>if you bring up getting a gf around him he's disinterested

Does this mean he's gay?
Disclaimer: I know being gay doesn't automatically mean I have a shot with him, but I just feel like, if you're this perfect, you should have at least had a gf at some point.

>>18290796

Yeah, seems like about the fidgeting it could very well be B, I was a bit obvious with my flirting. Even though lately I've been sending her mixed signals of my own and feigning disinterest, she definitely still suspects something's up. Well, sitting around overthinking things won't help, guess I'll just go for it. Expecting the worst and hoping for the best. Thanks for the help

> There's this girl I enjoy being around and talking to.
> I've said many times I would like to see her more often.
> She usually does a lot of stuff and doesn't have much free time.

When I ask if she wants to hang out what I get is "lots of stuff to do...".

Is it just me or this girl doesn't want me around?

>>18290829
Yeah, it means she's not interested.
If someone is interested they will either
1. find time to be with you
2. initiate contact when they're not around you

>>18290833
Glad it's not just me. The weird thing is that she has shown before she likes my presence (messing with eachother's hands while watching TV, leaning on my shoulder...), although she has never said it.

Mixed signals is not the thing I enjoy the most...

>>18290815
gay

>>18290842
Yeah I feel that. Had a similar experience with a (gay) guy friend once.
To be fair, he was totally out of my league, but would touch my arm a lot, make a lot of eye contact, just generally be flirtatious.
Any time I tried to ask him out, though, he was busy, or hanging out with friends, or (the list goes on).
Eventually I just told him I was gay too and asked if we had any shot.
He laughed and said not right now.
Kind of crushing desu because I had started to believe there was something there.
But we managed to stay friends, and I'm losing some weight and trying to get better as a man and might one day try again. We'll see.

>>18290842
stop it anon. the other anon told you the truth and its not mixed signals. she doesn't want to go with you and trying to be nice about it but you see nice as encouraging.

>>18290813
Hard to say dare I say FWB?
>>18290815
Hell no it doesn't mean his is gay. Sounds like he can have any girl he wants. Maybe wants a challenge? Maybe he is gay, maybe not. Make friends with him and find out?>>18290820
Go with your gut. But don't be abrupt with it.
>>18290829
Sadly this is correct or she is legit busy. Show interest, can you take part in said activities?

>>18290847
Good for you!! although you may not need to. he seems to be already into you. He may see you as long term and only wants short term relations for now
>>18290842
>>18290852
Fuck it if you are not close or in the same friend circle what you have to lose? may aswell ask her straight up

When she asks if she is skinny the answer is ALWAYS yes.

>>18290900
no doubt she will get mad if you lie tho

>>18290859
It's not a FWB thing, he's definitely my boyfriend.

>>18287987
My LTR bf is really stressed out with school and work. He can't pass math in college. His major isn't math related, but it's literally all he has left to do.

I have been encouraging. Told him he's in the final stretch of his degree and this is all he needs. He is so frustrated with it that he wants to drop out.

I told him that he's being a little impulsive and he really needs to think about the consequences of dropping out. He think he has a chance of getting into his field without a degree (won't happen).

For the past several months he has been taking this out on me. When he's mad over it, he lashes out at me to the point where I tear up. He won't even apologize and tells me I'm being selfish while he's stressing.

I feel like he's putting me in an impossible situation. I tutor him but he can't grasp the math "rules" for long. I've been thinking about telling him to hire a tutor, but I think he may be offended by that.

Honestly, I can't take being his outlet for frustration much longer. He can't even perceive my feelings of the way he treats me when he's under stress.

Is there any rational way out of this situation? I don't want to leave, but I don't want to be blamed and mistreated for his failures either.

>>18290900
What if she is not?
If you say "you are skinny" and she knows she is not, you are a liar.

One saturday, we hang out, she pays for some of my drinks, we make out, we stay partying together until 7am.
One week later, I ask her out again. She initally accepts, but flakes in the last minute because she's "feeling sick". I play it cool, I was already hanging with my friends and shit.
Next week, wednesday or so, she sees me at the campus, waves at me, 10 minutes later she texts me if I'm down for coffee. I'm busy so I ask her if it's fine tomorrow. It is.
Next day, we meet ar the campus cafe, she takes a coffee and I take a beer, she asks where we go next and we spend the next three hours having beers and laughs, I run out of money and she pays for my drinks again, she runs out of money too so we go to her home so she can grab some more in order to keep hanging.
While I wait for her, I get an urgent call and I must leave.
How my chances with her are? Did she go drinking with me as a way to enmendate her flaking, which she regretted, or just as a way of compensating it?
>inb4
Yeah I already posted this but nobody said shit

>>18291224
Seems you guys are good friends

>>18291239
Nah we only met 4 times in the whole year. I knew each other before, but we hadn't got along until september. Plus we made out and shit, doesn't that mean something?

>>18291183
My apologies. Wait for him to say it before you announce it to him. If he knows you are attached to him he potentially may use you. I cant really say as i do not know him.
>>18291211
i have a friend is a similar situation. I am close with her and him. He says quite venomous things to her and she takes it on the chin. I explained to her how highly he talks of her. Although he is being a cunt ATM deep down he understands you are trying to help. A tutor will be best. What type of math is he struggling with? Also be straight up tell him he is out of line. This is a out there comment but applies well to this. "behind every great man is a great woman" all you can do is support him and make sure he knows you are there through thick and thin!!
>>18291224
Seems to me you are well in there. The fact she is paying for you outside of a relationship is one of two things. She is a push over or she is actually interested in spending time with you. i say go for it but pay for her this time. Try asking her out to a nice restaurant. Nothing to fancy but something nice

How long should I wait until I celebrate our anniversary? We've only been dating for two months (three months unofficially) so it feels kinda early, but I know there are some things he's been wanting and I thought it'd be a good opportunity to buy them.

>>18291456
Usually anniversaries are celebrated annually.

>>18291466
Oh. I've seen plenty of couples celebrate at month long intervals before their first year, I thought it'd be special and nice to do.

I'm guessing using shit like Tinder/Meetup is a good way to kill my anxiety/autism with my new gf?

I like her, but if i'm going to fuck it up by being clingey n shit i might as well chum the water

How much time should I wait for a girl to reply on my text message where I ask if she's still interested to go out on our first date (I asked her irl before and she answered yes)? It has been 5 days since I texted her and she hasn't answered.

>>18292273
Dude she is obviously not interested, just accept it and work it out from here, either get her interested by making her jealous or forget it