How do I cry? This seems retarded, but let me elaborate. I was

You need to learn to not be embarrassed by yourself. Learn that you're safe with yourself and that opening up isn't a sign of weakness but of strength. I know that all sounds stupid or life coachy but it's true.

It's ok to feel like we can't cry or open up or be serious in front of others, it's natural and just part of the social contact we all sign. But when you're alone you still hang on to that mask. Because you are still in the room with yourself. You're watching you and judging like another person and so you can't just start breaking down or opening up because it's as if there's someone else there. You need to show to yourself that you're ok taking off that mask when you're by yourself.

Try, when you're alone, doing really embarrassing or socially unacceptable things. Scream as loud as you can, sing a song you like badly, act out a scene from a movie you like. These sound stupid I know and seem like they're pointless and easy and won't help up until the moment you try. You'll get this feeling like you do on the edge of a cliff. You have to push beyond that. You need to make an ass of yourself, from that you'll learn that nothing bad happens and that you won't feel less of yourself in the process.

Once you've done that you can start opening up your baggage. And then you'll feel comfortable enough in your own presence to cry.

Watch 5 Centimeters per Second, by Shinkai Makoto. If I'm interpreting the life story portion of your post correctly, it will make you cry and possibly even clarify some things about why you feel the way you do.

Actually, go ahead and watch all the Shinkai movies. They're worth your time regardless.

>>18273787

Try meditation.

Get yourself comfortable, breath taking air from the nose on a rhythm three times shorter than the exaltation, that need to be from the mouth. Keep the tip of your tongue on the top of your mouth, it would help you regulate the air exhaled and over time will help you forget about the position of your mouth, and finally keep your eyes open ever so slightly as you concentrate on a concept or an object that is in front of you, it is easier with a material object. Once your body enters a relaxed state, and you do it right and start losing the notion of time, you would be able to concentrate on the stuff you need to think about. If you want to cry to let it out, then it means there is stuff you need to let out, rather than thinking about the weeping itself just concentrate on the subject and rather than fighting against that reality accept it and try to move on, the weeping might come as you start facing it.


You can also try scream therapy, just use a pillow and feel no shame when you do it, let it out. It's a lot easier, and might be helpful.

By the way, no need for the lotus, just be comfortable.

This might seem like alternative medicine, but meditation has it's own bases, it is not just a "Spiritual" thing.

Are you me, OP?

>>18274004

You would be surprised about how amazingly common this is.

Society push people into thinking they need to negate their feeling if they want to be real men (Or women, but this is much a dude's problem).

At the same time nobody really cares, or should care, what you do in your private time, nor do the people that actually care about should have a problem with you being yourself.