Should I tell this girl how I feel?

>>18273385
Don't do it

I fell for a girl at work, had a short thing now she has a boyfriend and I still have the feels. Makes work a bitch to deal with, find some other vagina somewhere else.

This is all assuming you actually have to work with her. If you're in some huge company in different departments or whatever then yeah why not.

>>18273399
Yeah it's not like I work *with* her, I basically just see her everyday there but unless one of us wants it there doesn't has to be any contact for the most part. Think I might go for it, don't have much to lose I guess

>>18273385

Youre in love with someone you barely know and never even hung out with ever? This is plain stupid. You literally dont know who she is. In reality you only know the tiny sliver of her personality she shows at work, and what she looks like. Everything else you "love" is made up in your head. Its fantasy.

This shit aint ok bro. Im not hating either, ive been there myself. But recognize you are legit forming DELUSIONAL FANTASY in your head.

But yeah, ask if she wants to hang out. Not literally that - ask if she wants to meet up for drinks/food/generic activity - be specific. Asking to chill and mumbling "well idk whatdo you wanna do? We could just hang out" means you want cummies and youre not ballsy enough to be bold about it - the two combined are the strongest pussy repellant known to mankind. Its like shes a piece of meat and youre starving - but instead of you being a beast ass slavering lion youre just a scrawny weakling.

Honestly though i can already tell this wont work. Youre "in love" with her (the idea of her, ackchually) and you are barely on her radar. And it definitely fucking shows, dont think she doesnt notice you longingly staring at her every chance you can get while you think she isnt paying attention, or that she doesnt realize what your awkward half baked conversation starters are seeking to achieve.

You should still try and fail though. Its a healthy learning experience. You will never learn without repeated failure. Good luck.

>>18273412
We hung out together once or twice, but it was very casual and I don't really make much of it. It's true I don't know her that well and I'm probably in love with the image of her I made up in my mind, but tell that to my heart

> And it definitely fucking shows, dont think she doesnt notice you longingly staring at her every chance you can get while you think she isnt paying attention, or that she doesnt realize what your awkward half baked conversation starters are seeking to achieve.

Hits too fucking close to home anon...But thanks for knocking some sense into me. I might go grab a coffee with her somewhere and tell her there. At least I'll learn something and overcome some fears

>>18273434

Your heart is longing over someone that doesnt exist. You love the idea of her. Shes practically perfect in your mind. Again this is you literally being DELUSIONAL. Think about it. Its like schizo looney tier. Obviously self induced and easily fixable but REALLY FUCKING NUTTY all the same. You just really want affection and you are wanting so bad that your brain is inventing fantasies to cope with the lack of affection you are feeling.

Im not trying to make you feel bad, although you should and thats ok. Ive been there, with multiple women. Id either end up pussying out and feeling like a coward until another one showed up in my life, or fumbling around like you currently are until i worked up the nerve to ask the girl to chill - at which point theyd gently tell me they "arent looking for a relationship or anything like that" and id feel crushed.

Again i can basically garantee that you are going to be shot down. But listen; THAT IS OKAY! You will learn from it. And it is probably the only way for you to truly let the idea of her go - a month after that happens youll see her one day and wonder what all the fuss was about. Sure youll still see attractive qualities, but the "love" will be completely vanished.

Definitely have coffee with her, or w/e it is that normies do. If she seems apprehensive then perhaps you should clarify its not a date and that you think she seems pretty chill and whatnot, idk thats on you. I absolutely WOULD NOT dump your feelings on her lap though. Just pretend shes a dude and chill. Literally the more you seem uninterested, that she is replacable, that you are above her and she is below you, that you couldnt give a fuck about what she thinks of you because shes so unimportant to you - the more success you may achieve with a woman. Obviously this seems like being a dick, but its the human courtship game. All animals have a courtship game, and each gender has a role in that game - this is the role of the human male.

>>18273475
Thanks for that anon. You're not making me feel bad, you're just putting into words what I, deep down, already knew. In middle/high school I remember having a huge crush, I would borderline stalk her and do the craziest shit just to steal glances at her. This went on for like two years and we literally did not know each other, it was pathetic. Then after a while my feelings died down and she became just another girl. That actually helped me a lot, I gained some perspective from it and I became way better at talking with girls since then. I thought I had learned my lesson but it seems my situation with this girl is just like the one back in high school, just disguised by the fact we are actually friendly with each other. Fuck man I don't even know anymore, now I feel "enlightened" somehow, I think I'll just force myself to fall out of love with her. Well, I guess that's easy to say now but next time I see her face I'll probably go back to oneitis mode.

But yeah if I do end up doing it I'll do it the most chill way possible, just bring it up casually and respoond with "whatever your loss ;)" kinda thing to the inevitable turn down.

But this still doesn't solve the core problem...Why does this happen to every girl that I become interested in? Sure I'll get over this girl but it'll be a matter of time until I illude myself with another one. How do I fix this?

>>18273385
Back off and don't pay attention to her, and see if she initiates contact with you. This usually works, but if it doesn't you've already began distancing yourself, which is what you need to do anyway.

If you have the feels bad and can't stop yourself from texting her first or something, literally delete her number. This works for me. I can't text her until she texts me, and if she never does, then I don't need her number anyway.

>>18273522
That's smart, thanks for the advice. I'll try to do that

>>18273434
It sounds like you already know how it's going to go. At least you'll know for sure and can forget/move on. But who knows, maybe you've completely misinterpreted the entire situation. Good luck anyway. At least you're not being a giant pussy and doing nothing.

>>18273515

Its happening because you arent getting laid and havent in a while (or ever). You are becoming desperate and willing to devalue yourself in pursuit of women. You are meeting girls and then doing everything in your power to prove to them that you are worthy - that you are sweet, sincere, caring - all things that women say they want in a relationship. You are doing whatever it takes to get them to stay with you, specifically, making them feel special.

Except, when you go hunting for deer, you dont ask the deer for advice on how to get them. Hell, listening to womens advice on what they want is crazy considering they dont even know what they want half the time.

Everything i said above is exactly what not to do. Infact, it is EXACTLY what women are supposed to do. Ill go over the actual biological basis for this fact in my next post so just bear with me for now. YOU are the alpha male. THEY have to prove to you that they are worth sticking around for. They are the ones who text first, who spend time and stress out thinking of the perfect response, who do whatever it takes to display that they want you and only you. YOU are the alpha male - you can fuck anyone you want, including her. If she doesnt want it, forget her - you have a dozen other women all competing for your dick. You couldnt care less about her, shes literally just another number.

Now, obviously, thats not true. But thats the mentality you must have every second of every fucking day, and the mentality that you must display to women. Believe it, and it will become true.

Cont..

>>18273552
Cont..

Now to the actual science that proves this shit. In "nature", everything comes down to sex and reproducing. Youre one and only purpose is to pass on your genetics, and such is the one and only purpose of all living organisms in existance - and such it will always be. We have evolved to have certain behaviors (instincts) that help us maximize our reproductive success and ensure we produce healthy offspring who in turn do the same.

For males, our maximal reproductive strategy is to sleep with as many females as possible. Sex and conception is extremely low risk/burden for us - we can literally pump and dump as many women as we please; not only is there no downside - our rate of genetic success increases with every new woman we mate with.

For females it is the opposite. Sex and conception is extremely risky and burdensome. Spending 9 months pregnant is an enormous burden on the body, requiring extra nutrition and safety and being in a very weakened state. Child birth can be fatal. Even after the child is born, it is SOLEY on the female to nurture the child, and to ensure they survive to maturity where they can then reproduce themselves. For women, sleeping with more men has zero benefit for reproductive strategy- infact it is harmful. Women, to maximize reproductive success, must convince a male (who can easily go fuck other women) to not only reproduce with her, but to protect her and her offspring rather than doing that for a different female. Thus, it is in women's nature to be responsible for convincing the male that they (and their offspring) are the optimal choice for the males reproductive strategy. They must prove that assisting them in child rearing and commiting to them will hold more benefit to the males genetic success than having the male simply play the easy numbers game and produce more offspring elsewhere.

Cont...

>>18273579

Cont...

Now, being male isnt enough. For men, we can just pump and dump whoever with zero reprocussions. Even if the female and/or offspring dies, we can extremely easily get a different female. We can fuck young, old, sick, healthy, etc - it doesnt matter. No matter the end result for each encounter, our genetic success rate increases with each number.

With females, its very risky. Sex and childbirth is dangerous. Therefore, in terms of reproductive strategy and maximizing genetic success, it is in their best interest to be extremely selective in their mate. They cannot go spreading their genetics like males, as reproducing is a massive commitment for their body. So, they seek the optimal mate - the alpha male. Not going to waste everyones time defining that - however, one of the main traits/benefits of being an alpha male is being able to spread your seed with impunity.

So back to attracting women. You must display yourself as the alpha. You must show the female that your seed is the optimal genetics to create offspring with. It is not your duty nor nature to prove you are worthy of keeping her - you can simply move on to another female. Infact staying with one female could even lessen your genetic success rate.

Therefore it is HER duty to prove that she is worthy of not only your seed, but your commitment to her and her offspring (aka her genetic success). It is YOUR duty to display that you are alpha, and one of the core traits in that is displaying your ability and willingness to reproduce with other women, AS THAT IS YOUR NATURE AS A MALE.

So maybe i missed a few points, but i think thats the gist off it. I came across this shit on google like a few weeks ago, and boy is it fucking true to a t.
Ill follow up in one more post in my personal experience..

>>18273608

So ive always been a nice guy. Definitely not "alpha". By some stroke of luck i clicked with some girl and in a drunken stupor we fucked. We were both feeling eachother and met and fucked again a week later. And then me, being the nice guy, told her how much i like her, how pretty she is, how i want to see her all the time, asking if we are going to be a couple. And guess what: she texted me less. She seemed far less interested. I heard through the grapevine she was even talking to another dude. I did actually mean all the things i said, and because i had feelings for her, got desperate and googled for answers on how to fix things while i still had a chance - thats where i found the info in my previous posts.

So i pulled WAY back. I stopped complimenting her. I stopped initiating texts. I stopped responding right away to her texts. I began to display every trait that would typically mean i lost interest - that i no longer cared. And it was hard, because im a nice guy, and i didnt want to hurt her feelings because i really liked her. But i reminded myself that i already told her my feelings, and that doing so clearly was not working, and i stayed the path.

She began texting me more. She initiates texts every day, because i outright refuse to. Usually in the morning, but sometimes she will go until the late afternoon before she finally caves and messages me. Instead of me asking to hang out, she began asking ME to chill. When we finally hooked up again, i literally never in my entire life had seen a puddle on my bed until then. A fucking puddle.

Now this sounds like being a dickass chad asshole. And its absolutely what they do, and why they succeed while nice guys fail. However, even if you are a nice guy - even if you dont feel good about doing this - THIS IS THE HUMAN MATING COURTSHIP GAME. You MUST play it to succeed. You must ALWAYS display that you are alpha.

And uh. Thats it, i guess...

>>18273649

Oh yeah btw it would be cool if someone could respond and acknowledge that i didnt just spend the last half hour writing this fucking essay on my phone for no fuckinf reason. Thatd be nice.

>>18273649
>>18273608
>>18273579
>>18273552

Holy shit, thank you so much anon, definitely wasn't expecting you to put in so much effort to help me. I've read about this before actually, it's the whole "abundance / scarcity" thing. You explained it in a really convincing way though. My biggest problem with this is that I feel like if I don't go up to girls and reveal interest in them, they rarely have the initiative to do so me first. It always feels like I am the one chasing, like I'm the one who's climbing a huge mountain to get their attention and affection. But it shouldn't feel like that. In the end I think it all boils down to a mindset shift, I just need to avoid focusing too much on one girl and putting all my eggs on one basket. My happiness is basically completely contingent on the amount of attention this girl gives me, and that should only happen after we're in a romantic relationship. Another problem is that I'm too picky with girls...Guess there's no going around that though, just have to put myself out there more often and meet new people. It's hard to not put all your eggs in one basket if, well, there is only one basket...

But thank you very much for the help anon and sorry for not replying earlier, something came up and I had to stop paying attention to the thread. My bad

>>18273735
Also your personal story is really interesting. It's so fucked up how paying less attention and revealing less interest nets you more results than being straightforward and true to your feelings. Things are definitely not as linear as they seem, I'll keep it in mind. I think I often get labelled as the nice guy as well, and while that helps with making female friends, it won't help me when it comes to finding a gf. Instead of telling this girl how I feel, I'll just pull back and see what happens. I'm not expecting her to suddenly start revealing interest of course, but as some other anon mentioned, I've already began distancing myself, which is helpful anyway.

>>18273735

Sounds like you got it mostly figured out - you just need to put it into practice. Glad to help, ive been in that situation countless times and it fucking sucks being a nice dude and not knowing why women dont want you back. Btw i should note that the experience i wrote about was like legit 2 weeks ago so this is all very new to me also. I judt figured having a fresh example of this working would help convince you what im saying is true because it certainly was a massive leap of faith for me. Its going against all my nice guy insticts but now that ive seen a complete 180 with this girl and shes lusting me more than im lusting her i can finally see the light and boy is it fucking great. I wish i learned this in highschool and not nearly a decade later.

One thing i do need to note is that as a male you still need to initiate the initial conversation/encounter/ect. Thats our job, to go around fucking anything that interests us. However when our advances arent met, keep it moving - display that, as you perfectly said, have other baskets to put your eggs in. If she can be potentially attracted to you, she will be once you effectively tell her no. Women are not used to being told no to sexual advances - men fuck anything that move and be passed up on is basically the ultimate insult to their ego - and why only then they will try to chase and prove themselves to you.

And if she doesnt chase, move on. Hold the bluff. Operate as if you have unlimited baskets to spread your seeds in, even if in reality you have just that one. Never second guess, she should always be the one second guessing and being left wondering.

Your only duty is to your genetic success. And that is what you must display, because evolution has formed us that way - that the alphas genes are spread and the betas genes are not. This is our nature, and its a blessing and a curse that humans are capable of being aware of their own instincts and nature.

Use this gift.

>>18273751

Its important to be the one who displays the initial attraction. After that, unless she is displaying behaviour to lure you in, you go hands-off, and move on to the next female. Your only job is to pump and dump - it is not good reproductive strategy to invest effort in one female who wont put out when you can simply find another. Displaying this trait is in itself attractive to women even though they literally hate it and say its a turnoff. Its simply our biology - we may have advanced intelligence compared to other animals but we are still enslaved to our genetics and the instincts ingrained in them over hundreds of thousands of years.

Just a warning - this doesnt stop once you have the girl. She will shit test you at first (eg: wont respond to a text, act uninterested). They wont even do it consciously - its just nature. Dont give in - if she doesnt respond, dont message her. If she takes too long to respond to the point where its a thing you notice - dont respond at all and ignore her. It sounds like this will just push her away, but its exactly what reels them in. And if it doesnt, you never had a chance with that girl anyways - but since you are alpha youre already moving to the next basket so its zero loss for you.

I imagine this shit lessens as a relationship grows - it is the females biological role to be subserviant to the male's will. Even in marriage you gotta maintain the image of alpha - of being capable of producing offspring elsewhere if you must, although not *currently* willing as long as your mate continues to bend to your will.

I really fucking hate that this is our nature because as a nice guy i want to treat women as equals and make them feel great all the time without the games and bullshit. But as i said: all animals have a courtship mating game, and THIS IS THE HUMAN COURTSHIP MATING GAME. It MUST be played, just like we need air to breath and water and food to live - its a fact of life.

>>18273385
You're in for a horrible ride OP, misery and uncertainty will be your harness.

>>18273799
>>18273835

You have no idea how much you've helped, thanks. Even if it's just short term, I'm feeling way better now. The whole "apply this to the real world" part is the toughest though - I'm not an 'alpha male' in any way. I've been described as 'submissive' before, and I can see why people think that. I don't have any self esteem problems and I'm comfortable with myself, so I don't see myself as a weak, shy, needy submissive person, guess I'm just more of a reserved, relaxed, naturally nice "turn the other cheek" person. But just like how it was back in high school, the guys who got all the girls were the guys who were always getting into fights, the guys who raised their voice often and the stubborn guys who wouldn't shut up until things went their way. This alpha attitude is really unfamiliar to me but I'll get there - who I was three years ago is completely different from who I am now, too. Well, at least now I have something to focus on. Instead of losing my time intepreting every word that girl said, I'll work on making myself a better person and getting into a better mindset.

>>18273906

Out everything posted

>Instead of losing my time intepreting every word that girl said, I'll work on making myself a better person and getting into a better mindset.

Is probably the most important lesson for you and anyone else reading. Its absolutely critical that you dont allow your happiness be dependant on others - only you can control that. Find solace in yourself and your hobbies and the things you do in your day. What happens with others including females is of little to no importance to you. Thats what being alpha is - putting yourself first like nature intended.

Good luck anon, truly happy to be of help. When things turn around for you and you finally get to taste the fruits of your efforts, be sure to share your experience and help other anons find success the way i helped you.

>>18273938
Thank you.