How can I turn it around?

>>18273239

[cont]

Generally, I feel overwhelmed. Not just by my academics, but by silly things as well. Being an avid comic book fan, I feel as if I have to watch every show. Read every comic. Collect every action figure. And it's driving me nuts. I have a ~1TB hard drive filled with TV-Shows and comics. I've spent a decade of my allowance on little plastic figures. All the time I think about fanfics that I sorta "want" to write. Not because I have ideas, but because I "have to". There was a time when I'd spend 2 hours every day rearranging the pics of all of my accounts, according to the fictional character I liked better at the time. I'd scour even places I hadn't visited in years, just to change my profile pics. Sometimes that'd happen more than once per day.

One day, I just had enough and came up with a plan. Wake up at 7 AM, study (the study-break-study-break method), cook at 1 PM, sleep for an hour or so, repeat at the evening, do some exercises, eat something "light", then write that novel to get that "fan-fic" idea out of my head, sleep a 12 PM, 12:0 at worst, rinse and repeat... As you can imagine... I couldn't go through it. I'm just sitting here, reloading the same websites, feeling like a piece of shit, and maybe getting some small bursts of energy where I manage to get focused and get some work done.

The worst thing is, even when I pick up a book, my mind wanders. I grab the mouse almost automatically. I visit the fridge every half an hour. I go through my little plastic figures once again. I'm not playing any video-games (haven't in about 3 years). I don't watch any of the 30+ shows I have saved (maybe one episode while I'm eating). I'm not reading any books for pleasure (my comic book pile of 3 months has filled a whole shelf). I just... refresh... I put the same 20 videos on youtube on repeat, and browse...

[cont]

>>18273252

[cont]

Generally, I feel awful, mostly because I'm not even getting any joy out of it. I'm spending 60 euros per month on a comic-book pull list, and I like maybe 3 or 4 books out of the 12 or so. I get them out of "loyalty" to the characters. I'm not getting any joy out of visiting those boards. I just do it. Hour in, hour out. Day in, day out. Sometimes I stay up until 03:00 shitposting.

And the cherry on the cake is that I feel like I'm "playing a prank". I'm not living in anything luxurious, as I chose the "apartment" with the smallest rent. I don't waste money on anything besides the basic food and hygiene stuff, apart from that comic-book thing I've mentioned. I don't have any friends, or talk with anybody (apart from other shitposters). I don't go out besides those two times per week. I just... refresh... And my parents are average "blue-collar workers" so they're betting everything on me, so I feel (now, scratch that, I know), that I'm letting them down.

TL;DR: Instead of studying my Physics, I'm wasting my time shitposting, worrying about trivial bullshit like gathering all the little plastic figures and writting mediocre fan-fiction (without doing any of that). I've started getting fat again, after a long and hard road of becoming fit a few years back, I have nobody to talk to, I constantly feel weak, I can't concentrate, and feel like a colossal failure.

So, can anybody help? And please... no "btfo fag, put ur ass down and work" and stuff. I get this is 4chan, but... I've thought about deleting all that stuff, sending my collections back home and deleting all my accounts, but... I can't do it. I've tried, but...

[cont]

>>18273253

[last part]

PS: I've also noticed that I'm beginning to dangerously want to be "someone else". I constantly think about changing my surname, I sometimes find myself fantasizing about getting in a "glorious" accident so that I can get disfigured and get a "kewl backstory". I know that it's all a bunch of stupid shit, but I can't stop these thoughts, as they are constant. I've started looking into occult stuff (just browsing /x/ and trying to built up a horror tolerance, so nothing too crazy) in an effort to become Doctor Doom for fuck's sake. I know it's bonkers, but... I feel like I need to do it. I'm not actually putting in the work, but that's all Ican think about.

Turning around your life is a sudden wind of change. It's a long process that starts with little steps.

First, when I was reading what you said, I couldn't help but notice you left social interactions out of your life. You mentioned various parts of your hobbies and families but not once did you mention friends or a significant other. Maybe you're just lonely and need someone to vent to but a real live person.

Second, you're losing motivation and that is one of the most difficult things to improve. If you can't motivate yourself to do things then sometimes you will need to lean on someone else.

Third, your goal is to do something: study physics. That's nice and all but you're missing a key component. You're doing and not being- in other words, you're trying to do something but you're not trying to become someone (No, Doctor Doom does not count). Find a role model in real life, someone you know- if possible- and sculpt yourself after them.

>>18273277
Turning your life around is NOT a sudden wind of change. Silly me.

>>18273277

Yeah, well, the family and friends thing is a... tough topic. My parents are good people, but my dad was always more interested in helping out his mother. His sister is 'slow", but due to customs, she married, had a "slow" daughter, she married and had another "slow" daughter. My paternal uncle saw all that and tried his luck with restaurants. Nowadays, he's stitting with all the Big-Name Cretan families and has cash enough for two lifetimes.

My father meanwhile stayed behind to take care of all the "slow' relatives. And for a while, that was all he did. He'd constantly get into accidents because after working 20 hours nonstop (he's a fisherman) he'd get in his car, drive 1 hour in the middle of the night to pick up somebody 'cause of something, because they'd always either get ill, break a bone, burn themselves, all that. Meanwhile, the rich brother comes by once per year, and then leaves.

Ever since I could remember, my parents would always fight about this. My "muh honor, family and country" dad standing up for his "family" instead of me and my mum. Every Christmas or Easter would be a mix of that, and hospital visits.

He's gotten better now, because he can see that he was being used, but he's still working twice as hard, is 50 years old, has tons of health problems, and I'm scared, really.

As for friends... my childhood ones sold me out over the course of high school. I lost the last ones when in a trip they left me alone, told me not to contact them again, in an effort to become "cool kids". Funny thing is, the "cool king" was an old friend of mine who felt like I was drawing him back. I spent the last year completly alone.

Apart from a guy who casually talk, I don't really have any new friends, or even people I "know". Most are the same here anyway, but yeah, I'm completely alone. I only talk to my parents for about a total of 40 or so minutes per day, but... that's it...

I know what I have to do, but... I just can't...

>>18273328
Okay, here's what you should do. Finish the second semester as best as you can, so, you can attend school for next semester. You need to do that so you can make some friends in your school- it is easier to connect with them since you go to school with them. Why? You need people to talk to take your mind off things. And not just anyone, they need to be positive and supportive friends. They are difficult to find but when you meet them you wouldn't want anyone else and they help you emotionally when times get rough.