Biological clock

Me and my partner also have to fit in "living together" and "marriage" before having a baby. I'd prefer to be married and end up not having kids, instead of having kids out of wedlock (being unmarried). And marriage can take money too.

Finally, will I even be a good parent? The odds are stacked high against me, in terms of how I grew up, what I did, even my very personality. Will being a parent even be a good idea, with my fear of childbirth? It will be very hard to support a child when I have no family support network (and don't know how to find one).

I just always thought that it's better to have a child when you're financially stable, rather than bring a child into poverty and hardship. I always thought it would've been the greatest gift to wait till me & my partner are ready, but now I see I've waited too long. It's not just about the money. It's about having help too, especially from family and friends.

So how do I make this work? Will I still be able to be fertile enough for pregnancy when I'm like 35? How would I go about getting help being a new mother?

>I have no support network (the most important thing) to help me take care of a child.

You have us

4chan is all anyone needs

Can't you just have a cheap wedding and live together with your partner now and have kids in a couple years?

Just focus on your career skills in the mean time. If current place has few jobs then move.

>>18272633
>(especially before being married).
So if you get married and get pregnant... they would still disown you?

>>18272633
it seems like you arent a native english speaker anon
>Then I just had to find a suitable mate. I needed to find the right man. This took many years in itself.
sooooo do you have a man right now or no?

>>18272650
Yes I intend on having a cheap wedding with my long term boyfriend, as we are now financially arranging to live together. Marriage after that. Kids in a few years after.

That's the plan
>>18272665
Probably no. It's just before getting married they don't like
>>18272668
Yes and yes I do!
He is very wonderful and around the same age as me (23). Love him very much. He has shown traits that show that not only is he good to me, but I know he will be good & responsible in the next (later) stages of life. Basically he isn't some dumb 19 year old who doesn't have his shit together (those are the kind of guys that usually had interest in me). Feels good to date someone around my age. He is a very well rounded man and I've made the right choice. Glad we're together

you seem to overthink this by far. ofc it's good to have your shit together somewhat before considering having a baby. but you will have more than enough time to mature further once the baby has arrived. at first, all they need is you, diapers (sometimes, the cheapest ones are the best...) and some clothes (that you can get second hand) and insurance. after about half a year, they will also need about a handfull of mashed carrots per day. i'm sure you can afford this.
ofc it's nice to have a suburban mom van with a fancy childseat, the newest buggy and all the unnecessariy sterilization gear. but trust me, those are for the moms, not actually for the baby. they don't need it.
it's also better to have a loving and stable relationship going on. but it doesn't have to be perfect. that is almost impossible anyways and you won't fuck your kid over if you have a civilized dispute now and then. just make sure it learns that you can be angry at someone but still love them and make it up again.

the birth and pregnancy thing. try to be realistic but not paranoid. it will hurt and suck, but come on, you're a woman. it's in your genes. almost every woman before you has survived it and so will you. try to get more into the mindset of "this is in my nature, i can do this" instead of "oh god, it will feel so weird if it moves inside of me".

Sometimes I think of divorcing my wife to avoid having kids

>>18272698
This makes me feel very good. You're all right. Women didn't always have the latest high tech stuff, and they got by just fine.

Can I use a food processor and just make mashed vegetables & fruit for a baby all by myself? I've been wondering this. My gut says yes.

But if I can make it myself, why do lots of people buy it prepackaged and it's so expensive? Why not make baby food yourself?

>>18272960
i have given birth to my first baby at home, no tech or painkillers. i'm still alive, so it can't be THAT bad. my second baby will be born the same way if there are no medical reasons i have to go to the hospital. remember that it is one of the most natural and human things to do. sure, women and babies have died during childbirth, but modern technology can prevent this in almost all cases. i vaguely remember a doc at the hospital say that there hasn't been a single death due to childbirth (not counting babies that got born unable to live) in there since he's working there and he was working there for about 30 years...

all you need is a banana and a fork and you're all set. if you want to act fancy, you can use a pan, some water, a potatoe and a fork.
it's because people are lazy, it's convenient and loads of moms start working again soon. then you might simply not have the nerves and time to prepare it yourself. other than that, it is a lot cheaper and healthier since it wasn't stored in the shelve for months without refrigeration and youcan put in it what you want. may that be the carrots from grandma's garden or the pumpkin that was on sale.

>>18272633
The biological clock meme is real?

>>18273002
ofc it is. unless you have deep rooted subconscious psychological issues.

>>18272633
What kind of job do you have? And what kind of job does your boyfriend have?

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Millions and millions have had children long before you were born, and millions more will have children after you die. The important thing is that both you and your partner be there for your kids.

>>18273041
I work full time retail, my boyfriend works full time at a place called connestoga wood manufacturer. Sometimes he pulls 12 hour shifts and is the breadwinner here. I don't intend to stay in retail forever of course.

>>18273077
Yes I see now that the most important thing for a child is to have parents who love each other, to be brought into a loving family

>>18273231
Sounds good right? I think you should be able to support a child. If you want to get married, do it. There's no need to make it super fancy. A cosy wedding with a select few if probably more fun for you too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNQ2kV1OTPU
You can still work after getting a child (after maternity leave). Your parents can help you (after marriage) or maybe your boyfriends parents (even without marriage?)

The most important question: Do you want to have a kid?
Sounds like a dumb question considering your post, but think about it. Don't think about the shit that goes around it. Don't think about parents, marriage, money or whatever. Would you like to have a child who lives with you and who will grow up in your newfounded family? Picture it. Does that idea make you feel happy or not?

You talked about how you are scared of giving birth. It will mess with your hormones a bit and it will hurt most likely. That much is true. Luckily, modern medicine can help lower the pain. Think back to the question about whether or not you wanted a kid just now. Does the feeling of being with your kid for ~20 years and then seeing them probably down the line some more weigh up to that one day of pain?