Paranoia about ex

Time for a restraining order.

I'm dead serious, he is stalking you and he should go to jail for it.

>>18271884
He has only come by to drop items off except for once when I wasn't home. How can I get a restraining order?

>>18271884
nope. stop telling her to escalate things. you're stupid if you think he'll go to jail or that a restraining order actually defends a person rather than it simply acting as a deterrent

here's some not fuckin stupid advice (sorry)

notify the police of everything that he does, promptly as you possibly can. reach out to tell him that you are reporting everything that happens to the police, that you are scared, and that you are *able* to press charges. in case the voices in his head are screaming too loudly for him to understand, end it with a simple, "stop or there will be legal consequences. if you do anything to hurt me or my friends you will be a prime suspect."

odds are he doesn't want to hurt you. this will cut him, the fact you even said that, but I think he needs to look at his goddamned behavior for a moment

>>18271913
The police have been notified twice and there has been legal consequences threatened to him.

Unfortunately the police told me I can't keep him from driving by. I just need peace of mind. I know I'm overreacting. Maybe I just need advice on how not to be so scared? I keep checking outside my front window every five minutes.

>>18271926
he knows that the police are being notified of everything and that if he hurts you or damages your property he'll be a prime suspect?'

not much else to do

the police will let him harass you a little bit, but if it becomes too severe or too often, the court will be able to do something.

just stay vigilant then and try not to feed into it

>>18271855
>He sent me a bunch of messages calling me a whore and I called him

Don't ever respond to bullshit like that. Ever. He's just baiting you, trying to get you to respond to him. It's just giving him what he wants. The 50 calls in 3 weeks is either an escalation, or an extinction burst. If it continues much longer, you're going to have to go to the cops.

> he talked about hurting other people while we were in a relationship

Talk is cheap. Did he actually hurt anyone?

>>18271913
What exactly do you think the police are going to tell her to do?

A restraining order is the first step. It doesn't solve anything by itself, but until she gets one, the cops are going to tell her, "Sorry, but we can't do anything."

Literally whys it so hard to IGNORE him huh? All my fucking female friends complain about this shit. Its THAT SIMPLE u just IGNORE HIM. and if he keeps coming call the cops and if the cops are useless then get ur pussy ass bf the finally punch him in the his bastard face . The bloke is literally a psycho and is lacking self esteem, confidence and happiness. And i know this for sure because i was like that once upon a time until i woke up to my idiot self

>>18271950
>what are the police going to tell her to do
I didn't say the police are going to tell her to do anything. They're going to keep a log of everything that happens so that if the situation escalates and/or needs to go to court, it will be documented. This is basically essential to any kind of justice being carried. out.

>the cops are going to keep not doing anything if there is no restraining order
are you pushing for him to be restrained, or in jail? it's becoming unclear. it's not good to escalate situations. if he can just keep being weird and then fuck off for 99% of her life, that's the best outcome.

Also escalating is bad, if I didn't say that three times. Someone can come in your house and fuck you up the day the restraining order is served. There's nothing preventing that. Taking legal action against someone is a form of aggression and/or passive aggression, and there might be retaliation.

>>18271954
Yea and if he kills himself dw bout it. Its on him. Fuck him. U should be glad that a fucking parasite has been annihilated

>>18271941
I came to my senses and haven't personally talked to him since then, which was roughly 3-4 weeks ago.

>>18271954
I have been ignoring him. For a month now. The only reason I didn't ignore him before was because he was taking care of a pet. Luckily the animal is out of his home and safe.

>>18271976
>fucking parasite needs to be annihilated
what's got you in the mood for a witch hunt?

>>18271980
Im not even angry i just idk lmao

>>18271984
Ur ex gf/bf being a parasite too?

>>18271973
Yes, I do not want to escalate the situation. I just want to live without fear.

>>18272005
well the truth is that anyone you piss off can waste you any day. the safest you can be from a person is when someone has sufficiently incriminated themselves like this guy is, and the police know about it. if he so much as keys your car, they'll know he did it and he can be made to pay for it.

just keep reporting everything, and let him know he's putting himself in hot water.

>>18271973
>are you pushing for him to be restrained, or in jail?

Is this a joke question?

>Someone can come in your house and fuck you up the day the restraining order is served. There's nothing preventing that

What is your point? There's nothing preventing that without an order of protection either. You know what she can't do? Have him arrested for violating an restraining order that doesn't exist.

>Taking legal action against someone is a form of aggression and/or passive aggression, and there might be retaliation.

And without legal action, his behaviors could escalate out of control. And you're basically suggesting she do nothing regardless of his actions, up until he hurts her or damages her property.

Kill him before he kills you

>>18272032
This made me laugh. Thanks

>>18272030
no I'm suggesting what I suggested. OP is already doing it because OP is reasonable.

if things don't improve, a restraining order is called for, but it's best to not escalate or go on a witch hunt. lets see if things don't get better.

>>18272032
ha

>>18272048
Why do you think OP getting a restraining order is going on a witch hunt?

OP is literally scared her ex is going to hurt her, and your suggesting that she just sit there are be scared and wait. Oh and tell the cops every time he does something. I hate to break the news to you, but calling the cops without a restraining order isn't going to accomplish anything.

Getting an order of protection is the first step OP can take towards regaining control of the situation, and removing what she sees as a threat to her safety.

>>18272084
I have decided I'm going to take matters into my own hands. I just signed up for self defense classes, I'm going to purchase a pocket knife, pepper spray, and learn how to use a gun.

I will also keep a list of every time I see him. I can't let this consume me. Believe it or not >>18272032 this is the best advice. I'm not going to go out and kill him but I'll be damn sure I'm not going to fear for my life every day.

>>18272104
hahaha wow

this thread

>>18272104
This is a great idea, OP. I approve.

I still agree with this >>18272084 advice too, there's no reason that you can't do both. Documenting what's happening with the police is SUPER important. You may not think so now but if (if) he actually tries to pull something serious and they don't have a record, calling them at that point won't do much good.

Keeping the record for yourself only helps them build the case after he kills you.

Keep the cops informed.

>>18272276
no it's stupid

summoning him in court is a good way to see more of him. getting self defense training and obsessing about fucking him up is a way to think about him more.

you guys aren't sages that is for sure

any kind of free money giveaway disguised as combat training for moms is going to be ineffective. a pretend invisible barrier for lawyers is going to be ineffective.

you all are being insane, irrational, ineffective and you're going to make the situation worse. what she is doing at the start of the thread, just reporting shit and trying to ignore him, is perfect.

>>18272287
and mentioning, like I said, that he will be the prime suspect if anything happens

I guess a firearm by the bed could be helpful in a home defense situation, but he'd have to be a complete retarded gorilla to assault her house or something. carrying a knife capable of combat might require a license. in my state self defense is fucking illegal.

>>18271904
>restraining order
A little bit overkill as this point.

This is advice that a lawyer gave me after a similar thing happened with my ex. I'm not giving you legal advice, this is just what he told me to do, and I'm telling you.


First step is to send him a text that says "Stop trying to contact me." Nothing else, use that exact wording. This establishes that you clearly communicated to him that you don't want any contact with him.

Second step is not to respond to anything he says. Period. Keep in mind that there's a very good chance that the text will work. Make sure to save and back up all the texts he sends you, and don't pick up the phone when he calls you.

If he continues to text you persistently afterwards (not just a couple texts or phone calls), then contact the police, what he's doing is harassment. The police will probably just come over and talk to him, but that can help a lot with these types of scenarios. Make sure to use the non-emergency number so you don't waste anyone's time.

>>18271904
go to the restraining order store and purchase one

I guess you haven't actually spoken to the police. Is this real, OP?

>>18272295
Oh good, he'll be the prime suspect if something happens to her. I'm sure that's going to really help her feel much less scared.

She wants to stop living in fear. Taking control of the situation and doing something is how she's going to stop being afraid, regardless of how effective it's going to actually be. Sitting there trying to ignore him the best she can isn't going to change anything.

There is absolutely no legitimate reason to advise her NOT to get a restraining order. Things are well past that point. Telling her not to obtain a restraining order because it might "escalate things" is simply bad advice.

It's been five months. This isn't just going away. This is a completely fucking textbook case of stalking, and stalkers generally do not simply lose interest. If she just ignores it, it is going to continue.

As for "telling the cops about it," while documenting everything (and I mean everything) is a very good idea, the cops have next to no power to do ANYTHING about it without a restraining order. That's why they fucking exist - for situations EXACTLY like this one.

Generally I try to stay polite on here, but if you told her not to seek a restraining order, and to keep trying to "ignore" him, stop fucking giving advice. You don't know what you're talking about.

cont'd

>>18272104
>>18272276
This is an absolutely terrible idea. Well - carrying pepper spray isn't a terrible idea, but carrying a pocket knife is. For 99% of the population carrying a knife of any sort, much less a fucking pocket knife, is literally worse than useless for any self-defense situation, because 1. You're more likely to get the knife taken from you and used against you than to effectively use it yourself, 2. It provides a false sense of security, and 3. If you do through some miracle effectively use it against an attacker, that's an excellent way to get yourself into heaps and heaps of legal trouble, even if, from your perspective, you were purely using it in self-defense.

The same issues apply to a lesser extent to guns. I'm not against gun ownership at all but if you're going to carry a gun for self-defense you need to be properly trained, and I'm sorry to say OP but it's simply not practical for you to obtain that kind of training in the timeframe we're talking about here.

If, god forbid, something happens, scream your fucking head off and RUN - the #1 most effective self-defense method (judging 'effectiveness' by 'keeps you safe,' not 'makes you feel like a badass'). If for some reason you can't do that, well, that's what pepper spray is for. Don't pull a gun and for the love of god don't pull a knife. And seek that restraining order so the cops (you know, the people who are TRAINED TO DEAL WITH DANGEROUS INDIVIDUALS) can actually do their jobs.

(That said, she shouldn't kid herself that the restraining order is anything more than it is - it won't keep her safe. There's a good chance it won't stop the behavior. It is not protection, it is a legal tool. Protection comes from keeping your wits about you and taking other practical steps to keep yourself safe, not from a piece of paper or even a gun.)