Hating Oneself

>>18270966
I need to know how to handle myself, because this bad trait is really hurting my relationships, and I really care about those people. My girlfriend is on the verge of leaving me because how down I get on myself pushes her away, she says.

For one if you already have a girlfriend you're probably not completely unlikable, but maybe you assume that she's about as far gone as you are. If you really want to stop hating yourself then your going to have to take steps towards what you want to be and away from what you don't. This will slowly let you learn to respect yourself, or at least enough to not hate yourself. The problem here is that if your objective is to receive someone else love then you in turn must be able to like yourself enough to appreciate it. So take self respect as the first in a long series of steps towards self love, or more accurately a greater love. If she loves you enough to care she will notice you open up more as you gain self respect and if she doesn't they you should probably break up as she could be a part of the problem.

Really though you may need to be more specific to go further and I can't be sure this fits your problem but it did fit my own.

>>18271012
Thanks. She says that a lot: about how we are only able to love others as much as we love ourselves...I don't know if I ever really bought that, because I feel like I love her greatly, in spite of my own issues that make it hard to accept myself...then again, I've only ever been broken up with, and my relationships usually last 6 months max. I probably pushed them all away without realizing it.

I just don't know man, like, if someone says something nice about me, I get so damn uncomfortable, like it must be a lie or they just don't know who I really am..or it'll just feel like they're talking about someone else.

I don't know what caused me to feel this way, maybe lack of socialization as a kid, but it doesn't matter, cos I've got to get myself straightened out.

I'm ready to try, I just don't know where to start.

>has a gf
Normie leave

>>18271047
Like I said, self respect. In english we don't have any other words for love, but in reality it has a lot of individual parts and respect was the first one I learned. There's more to it than just respect of course but you have to start somewhere.
To be honest I don't really love myself all they way yet either, but i'm getting closer and closer to it and It's starting to feel less stupid than it used to. Also you could always try some standard self motivation techniques like:
>writing 5 new and different things you value about yourself every morning
>looking yourself dead on in the mirror before bed and saying I love you
Personally I've had mixed results with these two as I always feel like I need more theory to justify my feelings but they certainly helped me along in the beginning

>>18271047
and to be more specific about what she means, you've been looking at loving someone like a one way street. You need to be able to receive the affection of others just as much as you give, because when you don't it makes people feel less valued.

>>18271066
>always feel like I need more theory to justify my feelings
I feel that way as well. I often write off how I feel or think, because I'll decide it doesn't make sense or is unnecessary. I feel like that hurts me as well.

I'm really appreciating your tips. I don't know who to talk to about this, especially because I think my girlfriend is at the end of her wits dealing with my ramblings of trying to understand myself, and then subsequently not really changing for the better.

>>18271079
You probably just don't expect enough of her and if you started to she'd probably be up to the task. Just start doing those 2 things I mentioned in this post and focus on self respect. Tell her about that and ask her for help. Ask if she can tell the difference after a while and don't stand down or give up if she says she doesn't . As I said earlier if she doesn't notice she may be a part of the problem.

>>18271114
Thank you, anon. I've actually just sent her a long message (she doesn't really like talking on the phone) explaining this, what we've just talked about.

I see it from a different perspective that I didn't understand before. All this time with women, I've loved them and felt that was good enough; but never really accepting their love back...I've shot down all these people that really cared about me.

Thanks for the replies, man.