Please help, I'm in an abusive relationship and I have nobody

>>18270384
poison him

>>18270384
seek help from a local community center like a church. They can offer you shelter, advice, and support while the police deal with him. Best of luck anon, be safe

Yea you aren't safe. Are you living in his house?

>>18270410
yeah. We got a place together when he was a good boyfriend. Things just went down hill after we moved in together and he felt like he owned me.

>>18270418
Well he probably figured you depended on him now so he could afford to take it to the next level. He needs to be committed.

>>18270422
He made it so hard to have a job.. He never believed that I was just going to work. If I was late from work he was convinced I was at somebody elses house cheating on him. I loved him so much that I would do anything just to stop him worrying, so I stopped going out so he would stop getting upset with me..
Now I don't know what to do.

I knew a gril in that situation before, can you move back with your parents? Any friends?

>>18270445
No friends. He hacks all my accounts and reads all my messages and would get angry if I talked to anybody else. I can't go out either.. Just scared of what happens when I get home.
My family are concerned and know something is wrong because I'm not really allowed to talk to them without him there and noticed he's very dominating. I barely see them now.

>>18270456
I wanted to use 4chan because its anonymous and it would be hard to track this and prove its me.

I'm in the same situation anon. Except he's begun raping me. I don't know how he's changed like this but he used to be so kind and sweet to me. Now he calls me slut and useless and he throws me down so hard. He's rough with me and it hurts. I tell him to stop he just hits me. I'm scared of him now and I don't know what to do. I'm crying all the time

>>18270461
My boyfriend was incredibly perfect to start with. Completely doting and lovely. I was pretty lonely at the time so I thought it was too good to be true to find somebody that loved me so much.

>>18270461
Do you know what you're going to do?

>>18270456

Well..I hate to say it but you will have to step forward and do something, you are on good terms with your family right? Why not go out and ask them for help? I mean if you are scared of this guy I doubt it will get any better.

What do you mean you can't go out? What's stopping you?

>>18270456
How does he hack your accounts if he doesn't have your password? If that is the case he can find out about this, right?

>>18270463
>>18270465

Its hard to believe that he's like this you know? Maybe he's upset at work or going through a rough time. I don't know I just keep thinking im messing up and I should apologize to him. I just want him to like me again

>>18270474

Im scared about the next time we have sex. He's been really rough with me. But I'm afraid if I ask him to be more gentle he'll just hurt me more

>>18270468
I don't know.. He used some back route of getting onto my facebook account. He's read all my texts, he's obsessively stalked any guy I've ever talked to, even prior to our relationship. He wouldn't tell me know he got onto my accounts. I tried changing the password but he's managed to get on anyway.
I'm on incognito and I will delete my history when this thread is done so he hopefully won't find it.

>>18270478
I wouldn't risk sticking around after posting this ... You can't call the cops?

>>18270478

You should leave him. He's obviously bad for you and you recognize it. Leave him before it's too late

>>18270466
His anger.. You have no idea what its like to have everything in your life pinned to one place and one person and them being furiously angry with you for doing something they didn't like. It wasn't sunddenly "You can't go out now" it was him being fine with anything I did to being irritated with me going out, then eventually being made to feel like you're betraying him for leaving the house. I can't even stay at my parents house any more because I'm just scared of what will happen when I get back. I quit my job so he supports me. He tells me that I don't appreciate how hard he works for me whenever I go out.

>>18270489
I would rather leave on good terms because I'm not sure what he would do if I suddenly left him.

>>18270491

You should pack your things and stay at your mom or your friends place. Get a restraining order if he pursues you. Get out of this situation anon.

>>18270491
No, have the cops let you take your shit, stay with your parents, have him locked up and move back into your place. Maybe have a family member stay with you and get a security system installed or something. Get a gun ffs.

>>18270497
But he's basically all I have now.

>>18270495
You can't leave on good terms ... It's well past the point where that is a safe choice. It's hard and I know you really don't want this to be the case but his behavior is psychotic.

>>18270495

No good terms will ever come of this. It'll just be harder to leave if you stay any longer. He might even try to get you pregnant on purpose and then you'll fear for your life and your baby's life. Find safety. Find shelter while you can

>>18270499
How can I move on when he's tracking my every move? I might as well off myself.

>>18270505
So you're telling me there is no chance in hell you can even get somewhere safe while you wait for the police?

>>18270511
The police do nothing.
Anybody who has ever been to the police about a domestic incident will know this.
The fallout from me going to the police however.. That would be worse
And if I leave its not like thats the end. He can still hack my accounts. He can still stalk me. He can lie about what happened.

OP ... please check back when you are safe so we know you aren't dead.

>>18270461
That's kinda hot

>>18270518
I went to my parents house for the night so I know he'll be angry when I go back tomorrow.
All my things are there. My whole life is there.
I don't know what to do now.

>>18270517
Yes which is why I said he needs to be committed. He is a dangerous person in general. For everyone's sake, but yours especially, you can't keep convincing yourself there's a way to talk him down.

>>18270517
can confirm that police dont really help when it comes to abusive relationships.

I was beaten growing up, and narrowly escaped 2 months ago because the last straw was my leg was nearly broken or displaced, Not sure which but they want an xray next month. It still locks up occasionally. Every time it hurts I remember how I was a fool to wait so long. Then again im in danger of being kicked out of the place I'm already in so who knows.

Try to look into any nearby shelters and see if they can help transition you slowly

>>18270523
This isn't porn. This is real life and people suffering isn't hot.

>>18270524
The police need to come with you unannounced so you can get your things if they're not already destroyed. You must not go back alone.

>>18270525
He isn't the boogie man, and what people don't understand is that abusive people don't spend every waking moment being abusive. As hard as it is to believe, I actually care about him. I was madly in love with him once. If he died it would destroy me, and he says that if I leave he will kill himself, as I am all he has to live for. I think I could try and leave peacefully but I just don't know how right now.

>>18270531
I just want everything and everybody to be happy.

>>18270531

The trick that abusive partners do is keep the illusion of having it all back again. He's not a monster all the time/ I just want him to go back to the day he was. It's a vicious cycle that has you holding into the past. While he strips away all your dignity, your self esteem, your independence, your social support network. Yes he may have problems of his own that lures you in to sympathize with him but they are all toxic tricks to trap you beneath him. It isn't worth it

OP is exaggerating. The guy probably disagreed with her about some random shit so now he's "dominating her"
Or OP had been out of control so her boyfriend had to put her ass in check. I've had to raise my voice a few times to get my bitch in check, but I have to be like that to get attention

>>18270531
>he says that if I leave he will kill himself

Whether he loves you or not, this is a sign that he does not truly care for your well being and happiness and is manipulating your empathy in order for you to stay with him longer. This is emotional blackmail.

It's hard to become detached from someone who is abusive, especially when you actually have happy memories with them, because it drives you crazy and makes you think that you're the one whose doing wrong or being abusive, but that's not the case.

Start using the Konmari method of getting rid of stuff and keep your most prized possessions close by so that if shit hits the fan suddenly you can pack in 15 minutes and get out without worrying about your things.

>>18270531
Alright well this is as far as I'm going. I get that he seems fine most of the time, crazy people usually are pretty good at pretending they aren't crazy. That doesn't mean it's not there because it's not always being revealed. Please don't get yourself killed over this. He needs help too, and you aren't helping him by staying.

>>18270523

It's rape anon. noncensual. Rapists don't care about your feelings or if you say no or if you cry or scream. They just want to use you and abuse you until they are satisfied. They are stronger and overpowering. Its scary

>>18270540
Oh fuck off you little pussy.

>>18270539
I understand this.. and I know you're right.
But reality is so much harder than theory.
For example, tonight I was scared of coming to my parents because I knew he would spend the night reading my messages and stalking my history. I was scared to take my laptop with me because I knew he would assume its because I don't want him looking through my computer. He would then assume its because I have something to hide. I deleted all my conversations with friends and he went nuts, accusing me of cheating, because why else would I hide things from him?

>>18270540

Why are you so mean anon?

>>18270540
I've had fights with ex boyfriends before and this isn't the same.

>>18270555

It is very hard. But it'll get even harder later on. Read all the good advice on this thread. Sleep on it. But know this, you will be much happier in the long run after you bite the bullet and leave this behind you. Just be ready.

>>18270461

Don't let him do this to you. He's hurting you and disrespecting you. You have to stand up for yourself.

>>18270563
Thank you.. I know you're right and I should, but it's not going to end if I just leave. It's going to carry on. He told me he wouldn't just let me leave peacefully. He said he wouldn't ever let me go. He said he would spend the rest of his life trying to get me back. I packed once, after things got too much for me, and he came in crying and saying he's an asshole and he knows what he's doing is wrong but he can't seem to stop himself.

>>18270569

You need to be strong about this. Test him then if you think he can change. Make him go to therapy or couple's therapy. If he refuses to change or do anything, why fall for these tactics?

>>18270606
I think its too far for that now. I need to leave but I don't know when or how. I'm ashamed.

>>18270612

Don't be ashamed. Abusers get the smart and confident ones too. Don't blame yourself. You can do it and get out of this mess. Believe in yourself. I believe in you, anon.

Try to record as much of his crazy behavior as possible and then go to police.

Also stop letting him manipulate your ass. This is fucked up on every level, anon.

>>18270618
It really means a hell of a lot to know that there is somebody that cares and listens to me. Thank you for that, anon.

>>18270621
Record it? You know what he would do if he found out I was recording him?
You don't know when you're being manipulated. Especially if its by somebody that is meant to love you.

>>18270647
Surely there is a way to get some proof. If you're 100% certain there isn't, skip the step.

>You don't know when you're being manipulated.
If you're honest with yourself, you actually often notice manipulative behavior but choose to overlook it for some silly reason. Not like it matters now. At this point it's obvious that he's crazy as shit.

>>18270550
Thats why it is hot.

>>18270643

You're welcome anon. You're not alone. Someone out there always cares. I can't be the only one. You'll overcome this.

>>18270550

Repeat rapists are the worst. The ones that keep targeting a girl and doing it continually just cuz she's too scared to tell anyone. If I ever see any guy doing this, I would punch him in the face. Girls need to learn how to stand up for themselves

>>18270925
They need guns. I am not even a gun nut but otherwise there is just no way to have a fair chance at defending themselves.

>>18270925
It's easy to say "stand up for yourself" I do it too. Obviously, somebody is causing you pain, so you must make them stop it. But its not like that. It's almost like, even though they hurt you, make you feel sad and in pain, at least somebody see's you. And thinks about you. And wants you in some way, shape or form. Somebody feels passionately about you and what you do. Where you go, who you see. You have an affect on them. When I was alone I had that affect on nobody. Nobody cared. Nobody really wanted me, or wanted to see me, or be with me. Not even my parents really cared in the way he does. Nobody else I've been with has. And when it's good you can go to bed with somebody and know that they love you, even if it's really fucked up.
I know I have to leave soon but the idea of going to bed alone and waking up alone every day with nobody giving a shit about anything I do or say is almost as sad...

>>18270935

Lol then the gun gets used on the girl. That -never- happens ever

>>18270947
So don't have a gun, because you might be stupid enough to leave it in your sock drawer or purse?

>>18270973
>>18270935
So you think pointing a gun at your partner will make everything better?

>>18270984
Obviously not if they aren't threatening you, but they won't if you know you have it and know how to use it. That is a given.

>>18270943

You were obvs neglected as a kid and groomed to be easy prey. You don't have to be dependent on this toxic relationship though. There's better out there and above all, you need to take better care of yourself. There is a sick need to be wanted even if it's abuse but you must recognize that it's not real care. I'm glad you are understanding that you have to leave this relationship at some point. It'll be scary to be alone at first and it'll take some getting used to it but you'll see that you'll be happier in the long run. And find someone who really cares about your well being

>>18270994
He's told me so many times that even if I leave nobody will ever love me the same way he does, and they'll just abandon me like everybody else.
It's fucked up manipulation and I know this, but part of me wonders whether he's right.

>>18270384
This pic:

Yes, keeping your distance from blacks and keeping them away from your society is advisable...

>>18270943
Holy shit. This must be one of the saddest things I've seen here. Although the way you confuse his egoism and narcissism for love makes it rather cringe-worthy. You could pick up a random person from the street and they would feel more empathy for you.

>>18271005

He's not. He's manipulated you into thinking it so you'll stay.

>>18270461

Tell me exactly how he does it. Does he pin you down and hurt you every time?

File: IMG_2703.jpg (977KB, 2550x1650px) Image search: [Google]

977KB, 2550x1650px

Get a pillow and blanket, pretend to do the washing and gather lots of clothes, toiletries and food in the basket/hamper, and when he's out, write him a simple note telling him you've gone to the police and if he looks for you he'll be arrested under suspicion of coercion and imprisonment.

Go and sleep in your car for a while. Drive to a male relative, even if they are distant they will understand your situation and help you.

STAY AWAY FROM HIM

HE WILL PLAY ON YOUR DEEPEST EMOTIONS TO TRICK YOU, MAKE YOU FEEL POWERLESS AND SMALL AND KEEP YOU TRAPPED.
>do not go back, your dopamine and oxytocin will tell you to but ignore those empty and lonely feelings of dread, that is what happens with every breakup. You're stronger than that

You don't know the power you have - the system will believe and protect you. You don't have to prosecute him if you don't want to but it would be extremely easy. They hand out restraining orders like candy.

Please go, this isn't what your father and grandfather wanted for your life. Chase your ambitions and dreams, don't be a locked-up Sharia wife.

>>18271019
But I wasn't confusing anything. He's narcissistic and egotistical and manipulative and cruel but he's that doesn't make him incapable of love, and I've never doubted that he loved me.

>>18271041
So what, paedophiles love the kids they abuse, murderers often desperately love their victims, cruel and manipulative people can be incredibly tender and sweet at times. You need to find a guy who lets you be you, but makes you feel safe. He needs to trust you and you need to trust him. This psycho is not that guy, even if he acts sweet and you have a connection. Do not settle for a life of misery

>>18271041
His treatment of you makes it obvious that he doesn't. Perhaps he did at start, who knows. Whether he's capable or not is impossible to tell given the information.

>>18270384
Are you scared that he's going to hurt you, or himself?

>>18271049
Hell, you could actually make a solid argument that some pedos have more love and affection to their victim than this guy.

>>18271054
I couldn't, could you?

>>18271050
You could call it love. Obsession maybe? There is something there, if not hatred, that makes him behave this way. Then promise to stop. Then do it again.
>>18271053
Both. At times I care more about him hurting himself than I do about me getting hurt. Thats a stupid thing to think but it's difficult to control impulsive emotions.

>>18271064
Assuming it's not a rapist, pedos are simply attracted to children. So they shower them with love and affection, only at the moment when they go further with all the squick-y stuff they prioritize their own needs, many would also stop when they see that the victim is clearly against it.

Mr Abuser here skips over all the niceties and treats anon worse than most modern slavemasters.

>>18271084
>Mr Abuser here skips over all the niceties and treats anon worse than most modern slavemasters.

I guess I can't argue this since OP's boyfriend isn't even buying her candy or heroin.

>>18271081
>You could call it love.
Definitely not by any of the common definitions. Obsession is possible I guess, although what makes you think that he wouldn't act the same to his next victim if you get away? Cutting you off from the world, acting like you're something that belongs to him, terrorizing you and then the usual mindgames and manipulations. It's just so basic. Obsession would need more moves about YOU while all the steps here are all about him keeping his toy in check.

Obviously it's not hatred either, that would require more moves against you while everything he does is about HIM.

>Then promise to stop. Then do it again.
That's just manipulation 101, as you seem to realize either way.

>Thats a stupid thing to think but it's difficult to control impulsive emotions.
Is it really that? Sounds more like result from your own shitty childhood and thinking it's the best you can get out of life. Which, just for the record, is bullshit. A random shithead from r9k would treat you better.

>>18270384
Anon, you have to go to your family. It's really that simple. I know you're scared of "what might happen" if you leave, but nothing is going to happen to you if you with family--nothing worse than is already happening. What do you think would happen? Does he own a gun? Do you think he is capable of fatal violence? Do you think he will come to your paren

PS: all that stuff about "I'll kill myself, etc." Textbook manipulation. That's the oldest one in the book. Don't fall for it. And even if he did, it would not in anyway be your fault.

Generally human beings are very egocentric and we forecast the worst possible scenario for ourselves. You have to go to your family, it's the only way. He needs help obviously, but clearly this situation is not going to be resolved by talking to him, etc. You said you fear what will happen if you go to family--but don't. Reality is almost always less severe than our worst imagining.

Have no fear anon, be strong and go to your family. Stay in the house of family and do not leave. They are in your corner and know something is wrong--you said as much yourself.

>>18271164
*Sorry, don't know how that got cut off*

Do you think he'll come to your family's place and start shooting people or something?

>>18271081
You need to get into therapy. Desperately.

>>18271164
I'm scared of what my parents would think if I told them everything, and where I would progress with my life. I don't remember what I used to like doing before I was with him. When I met him, being with him was the only thing I liked. How do I go back to how it used to be?

>>18271172
I don't think he would do that... I think he would be very upset though.

>>18271219
Bet ISIS guys would be pretty upset too if one of their hostages escaped.

>>18271232
I don't know what he would do.. But he wouldn't just let me go. I know that.

>>18271193
>I'm scared of what my parents would think if I told them everything

Think what precisely? You've said that they clearly suspect something is up. Your family will help you. I don't know your family situation precisely but I assume if you visit them sometimes (with him) you are on OK terms with them and everything? If you are on OK terms with them they will want to help you.

Until you reach out, nothing will change. How else would you expect it to?

Clearly he's a deeply troubled person who needs help. Ending it and getting away from him may also prove a way to help him in some way. Once you're gone, he can't just sate himself on his acts against you and perpetuate the vile state of affairs. You will have taken away his outlet to carry on his destructive behavior.

>>18271219
I don't think he would do that... I think he would be very upset though.

Good, let him be. He will not kill himself, that is textbook manipulation to prevent you from acting.

>>18271252
Let it be his worry.

Obviously it's a big step and shit will suck bad at start with you feeling lost and questioning your choice, probably even considering to go back but it's the only way to improve your situation long term. No matter how uncertain your future without him appears, it can hardly turn any worse than where you are now and going to be with him.

>>18271268
>>18271271
Thank you for your advice and support. And anybody else who contributed. It's been important for me to hear this and I will follow through with your advice. Soon.
I just need to think of a way to leave that will cause as little damage as possible.
Goodnight

>>18271346
Night, anon. Best wishes for the future!

>>18270384
exorcise him

>>18271346
Update us please

>>18272570
He caught me on my way out with my bag. He raped me.

>>18272599
you're not the real op
precious op is alsleep by now

>>18272637
crap I just realized it was 9hours ago

dammit, has he become atleast nicer to you

>>18272640
It's okay that you didn't believe me. Nobody believed me last time either.

>>18272644
but has things become better or worse?

no offence but I think hes just using you for free sex if he wasn't upset

I just wish that both of you get fixed and go back to the relationship you two used to have but the chances are low at this point

>>18272599

Did you manage to get your things out and go back to your parents'? Have you told your family what happened there?

>>18270384
Just bash the fuck out of him, right now

OP, I'm the poster sho said he knew a girl in this situation before, I don't know how much of a mess have you got in going in your head about him loving you and whatever, don't fall for it, when this situation happened, the guy also did ultimate emotional blackmail, like with you, he threatened to kill himself if she left him and that he would never let go, and he tried to kill himself in front of her when she did, she had to stop him, he made the last days very difficult for her, but after she left him, couple months later there he was with a new gf, so yeah, don't stay like this

>>18270500
and what you have is shit, you can always start over. When you're sitting in a pile of shit, do you stay there and be like "this is all I have now" or do you stand up and change your pants?

If you're not willing to leave him, then he's all you deserve. Grow a pair faggot.