How to turn my mindset off of being in love with a person? I'm

>>18268310
>tl;dr how to stay in relationship with best friend when you are in love with her
You don't. You stop hanging with them for so long until you completely forget about her and never go back to talking to her.
t. been in your situation but she wasn't a lesbian, just married

>>18268310
It's gonna hurt, but I'm gonna give you a golden phrase. This is your get out of feels free card. It's a mantra and in this situation it fixes pretty much every problem you have.

>I can't do this anymore

Just say it to yourself a lot. Start to distance yourself and eventually she'll ask and then just fucking say it to her, too. Just once, and then remove her, delete and block her number, avoid her at all costs.

Or you can stomp it down, get over it and force yourself to understand she just wants to be a platonic friend. She's obviously fucking with you just a little so tell her she can stay over but only if she sleeps on your sofa or a bedroll or something like that. If it bothers you this much these are your options.

>>18268325
She doesn't fuck me over, she isn't inviting herself to mine. It's always my fucking idea. It's me who is fucking myself over, but it's the best feeling I ever had when I wake up in the morning and just fucking cuddle her to death. She doesn't mind it, she just never iniciates it.

It's like heroin, I am so eufforic when I have her by my side but when she's gone I suffer like a pig.

It's really unreal to me that I'd just distance myself from her. She's the first person whom I could believe I'd love seeing until the end of my life. I really never cared about anyone as much as about her in my life...it's just that I'm jealous, I'm jealous that she's fucking girls that doesn't feel the way about her as I do in the slightest. I probably would've feel better if I'd just be friendzoned by a straight girl than this shit.

You know, we are that kind of friends that would end up with each other if circumstances were better. Everyone who knows us thinks that we are dating, or atleasting fucking each other. I just have to laugh it off everytime someone says shit like that.

Why the fuck is my life fucking me over so fucking much? Like what are the fucking chances that someone who doesn't fall in love very often happens to fall for someone with whom it is impossible to have a romantic relationship with. Fuck me.

>>18268346
If everyone thinks you're dating that isn't exactly good either, bro. That just reduces your chances of meeting some other girl. The girl of your dreams could be waiting out there and she's seeing you with her and thinking "welp, fuck, guess that won't happen" because you and her are hanging out together.

>I'm jealous that she's fucking girls that doesn't feel the way about her as I do in the slightest

See, here's the thing, how the fuck do you know that? How do you know that one of the girls she's sleeping with isn't head over heels in love with her, as much as you are? First mistake: you're assuming your love is an island in a sea of apathy and uncaring. How are you sure you're the island and not the sea? With how you're feeling towards the other girls it might be so.

Don't get rid of her then, just hang out with her in public less and less in general, but don't cut contact if it bugs you that much. If you're serious about this just play the dread game with her, don't hang with her so much and she'll be more inclined to exert herself to please your view of things and maybe, JUST maybe fuck you. But definitely openly hang out in public less.

>>18268378
>just play the dread game with her

I was offline for a day a couple days ago, on the second one I got a message from her saying something like "Hey, anon, what's up, I haven't heard much from you in a long time :("

I just don't fucking understand it. It seems that she likes me more than how you like a friend. She's not very people friendly and I know that she treats me differently than the rest. It's just a fucking hell of a mindgame.

>>18268375
crybaby

>>18268324
I doubt you had a similar relationship with a married women.

>>18268375
Maybe you fell for her BECAUSE she's impossible. Maybe you don't allow yourself to get emotionally intimate unless you know it can never lead to anything.

Clearly the two of you weren't meant to be.

You just have trust/intimacy issues.

Learn how to get close to people and let your guard down and you'll be able to love another girl just as much.

>>18268346

I haven't been in your exact situation with her being a lesbian, but I understand what you feel for her, you are still friends with her, my situation went very wrong a long time ago, honestly I don't know which way is better, I just want to wish you good luck.

If she's truly a lesbian then maybe she really isn't your girl but if you appreciate her so much don't be an asshole to her and break everything forever like I did, because you'll find your girl eventually but a person you care so much about even if it's only as a friend, you'll want to know when something good or bad happens to them, how their life goes, you know keep the friendship going. If you do break everything and eventually find someone else you may end up feeling sorry that you lost such a good friend. Maybe tell her what's going on and keep some distance at least until you figure things out and appreciate her only as a friend or find another girl. I know it hurts.

>>18268553
Please tell me more about your story if you want to share. This shit is so uncommon that it's almost impossible to find someone who is in the same boat.

I'm gonna keep her, there's no debate about that. But it hurts. It hurts like hell.

>>18268609
Oh, I misread it.

It's just the thing that I love someone very, very much and when you are in love with someone, you are either with them or just cut ties with them because being in a "friendzone" is nothing that anyone wants.

But I love her so much, and we are so close yet she isn't sharing my type of love. It's so so close but just as far as the end of the universe. It's really playing with me in a bad way.

>>18268609

>Oh, I misread it.

Well, do what you feel you need to do, just consider not being an asshole and breaking everything forever, you may regret it. Maybe she will understand if you talk to her about it and keep some distance until you are ready to move on as just friends.

My story is a long one, I really can't find a way to make it short. Basically like you I had all these feeling for my female best friend at the time, she had boyfriend, I got fed up, I tried to let her go for 2 years, it didn't go well, I was depressed to hell, bitter as fuck and ready to kill myself when I decided to tell her what I felt, turn out she felt the same all along, she cheats on her 3 year bf with me, gets scared for some reason weeks after and leaves town to become a slut somewhere else. I refused to be her friend after that, I just left, never said a word again. I was 17 at the time, this was more than 2 years ago. It has been a fucking journey since then but I still haven't found anyone that makes me feel like that.

>>18268310
You know, I had a bf like this.
It hurt so much when he told me.
I left him of course, not because I couldn't love him but because he never learned how to love anyone else back.

You learn to love people, with friends it's easier, you are used to them and they are used to you.

But strangers are hard to love.

I learned to love a long time ago, you should too. You can also learn how to unlove her that way. You just don't want to.
Stop being around her if you can't control your desires. Tell her to stop being lovey dovey with you, tell her to stop hugging you, tell her to stop and do the same with you. Understand it is impossible for you to be together but don't blame it on yourself.

You can love another person, as much as you love this one, but it takes work and you seem to believe your love for her is special in some way. all love is special and that is why it being special doesn't matter

Understand it was made like any other love can be made.


My ex bf is still alone, and that was 5 years ago. I really thought I loved him and I did, I just learned to unlove and kept going

Don't become like him if you don't want to be alone.

Btw where are you from?

>>18268705
I don't understand what exactly did your boyfriend do at all? Did he tell you that he loves her and you left him? This whole post makes me puzzled.

>>18268714
He told me he cared for me but that he could love only the childhood friend who happened to be a lesbian.

Ta-da!

So I was like "Oh... fuck, ehh thanks for wasting my time I guess"

I resented him a little for some time. now I think he was just immature.
Well maybe he still is, since he never got over it.
Everyone has a different ride and a different time so I dunno


But what I am trying to say to OP is that mature love is something you work on and it just isn't something magical you will only and only only feel once in your life unless you are a special snowflake and your love is "Oh!" Also a special snowflake! and you are as mature as a 12 year old

Op I think you just need time
Alone time
To think
And to drink
And to eat a whole lot of pizza

>>18268310
don't watch chasing amy OP

>>18268310
First of all, you're not alone. It sucks that someone so close, amazing and perfect can't be with you ever. Period. People are usually turned off when they find out their love is gay/lesbian. Why is this not a turn off for you?
Perhaps you are obsessed with the idea of you two being together- but I'm sure before you met this girl you've had other lovers and partners. This too shall pass, and you might find someone just like her in the future... except that she'll love you with all of her heart (it'll be mutual basically).
Treat her as you would treat your other friends. Set boundaries too- don't sleep next to one another, keep conversation to each other to a minimum and no flirting.
She probably sees you as a brother since she's so comfortable being around you. Why not confess to her? If she rejects you then congrats, you have closure and know for sure you have no chance with her (you can't assume things). If she accepts then good for you! Maybe she was bisexual and doesn't mind being in a relationship with you.

>>18268900
I told her what I'm feeling towards her. She's just a lesbian.

>>18268900
I know that we won't be together, I know that she's gay but my heart sees a beautiful, amazing girl that I'd want to be with. It's fucked.

>>18268516
Yeah I guess you're right.

>>18268310
Mostly in the same boat as you OP.
My best friend and I get along like a couple without any physical intimacy whatsoever, and she kinda doesn't feel the same way about me either. We're both virgins who have never even kissed anyone before and she's usually pretty reluctant when it comes to any kind of physical contact. She'll barely even hug anyone other than her mum. With that being said she usually gets pretty iffy if I try to hug her or even if I sit a bit too close to her. I love her though, but it's just painful being so close to someone in the physical sense but at the same time feeling so far away from them.

For instance, the other day I had to drive her to the hospital for a procedure because none of her family were available to take her. I was in the waiting room for four and a half hours until she was finally discharged and I could take her home. We put on netflix when we got back to her place and I sat next to her and the first thing she said was 'uhhh you're getting a bit close'. Not that I think she owed me anything for helping her out but I didn't need another reminder than I'm one of the most heavily friend-zoned guys on the planet.

I just wish I could hold her.

>>18269757
Well, she lets's me hug her, when we watch a movie we are cuddled up like a couple. But I think it does more harm than good for me.

>>18268844
I watched it, it just made me hate Kevin Smith even more.

I can assure you that she ain't that special.