Wife Had An Affair 7 years ago, just found out...

well it was 7 years ago, you have 7 years of a good relationship, i mean honestly it's been too long, i say fuck it
>inb4 cuck

>>18267386
I've felt this way on a couple occasions, then the whole
> muh pride - morality shit gets in the way... fuck

Go to marriage counselling or at least go to counselling alone. Work through your feelings for it and decide what is best. Don't make rash decisions to leave and don't force yourself to stick it out if you feel it's not right.

>>18267399
thanks, I will take this into consideration.

>>18267398
talk to her about it, i'm sure she loves you if she's stuck with you for 7 years now

>>18267417
>implying she wouldn't have left him for a better prospect
Wow, she cheated but she stuck with him! What a gal!

Must suck knowing she doesn't actually love you. What else could she be lying about. Leave her.

>>18267417
have, she's confessed and hasn't had contact with Jodi Boy since this took place. We've talked through everything and I'm just at a crossroads. idk, maybe I'm just here to vent.

>>18267435
That's because you're back in the states now. What's to say it won't happen again if you left to serve? Even if you're not planning to go again, it's the principle of the matter. Don't throw away your life on a whore, do you really want someone like that to raise """"your"""' kids?

>>18267444
>out of service
>Jody Boy was an old Ex back home
>She's become a success and is a good wife/mother

Does the above sway your opinion?

>>18267426
>she wouldn't have left him for a better prospect
well she didn't, so i don't see what you're trying to say here

>>18267426
If I would have found out around the time this happened I'm almost 100% certain I would have filed for divorce.

It really feels like I was robbed of the opportunity to grief over this betrayal. I've never felt so discombobulated.

>>18267459
t. woman
You may not understand, but cheating is not excusable. "It could've been worse, but it wasn't, so it's okay!"

>>18267454
Not really, but it's up to you. In my opinion, once a cheater, always a cheater. Doesn't matter how close "Jody Boy" was or how good she is now, something led her to cheat in the first place. What's to say it won't happen again?

You were away so she might've felt unfulfilled. Not everyone resorts to cheating, but that's what she did. She has proven this to be in her repertoire. Plus, she did it MULTIPLE times. She didn't do it once, regret it as a mistake, and swear off it. She kept going back. She willfully drove herself to this guy's place while you were gone to keep doing it.

>>18267477
of course cheating isn't excusable and she was a bad person
that's why it's fine for OP to have his feelings
i don't get what you're trying to even say here

>>18267477
>In my opinion, once a cheater, always a cheater.
well i'm glad you're 12 then

>>18267477
This kind of thing has been the devils advocate on my shoulder. I've done a LOT of digging to try and put everything together and try to determine how/why and everything points to her being a selfish pos and me doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to have deserved this. Her words...

>>18267373

thats a hard one. I've made my own mistakes in life and i like to think that if i found out about something like this id be okay with it, though it'd come with the promise that if I cheated i wouldn't feel guilty my self.

once somethings broken it will never look the same again, no matter how good you fix it.

>>18267485
Sorry, I didn't realize monogamy was for children

>>18267501
i've probably been more monogamous throughout my life than you
the nerve with kids these days
you people know shit
once a cheater, once a cheater, period, you have zero evidence or experience

>>18267499
You've got a point, I kind of feel like my moral compass has been sent into a spiral. I found myself randomly messaging female friends with a more flirtatious attitude with complete disregard for my wife. Am I too far gone or should I consider counseling?

>>18267506
counseling

>>18267506
don't throw 7 years to waste

Everyone has their own views on infidelity in marriage so it really comes down to whether you can trust her again. If you can't trust her then its just gonna eat at you in the future when she comes home late or when she breaks her routine.

>>18267506

there's no real answer. most relationships are on the road to a break up / divorce. given enough time anyone would break up. for the really strong relationships, death is the only thing that really prevents that from happening.

so the question is, do you WANT to stick this out? is she worth rededicating to? it was 7 years ago. scientifically speaking no part of her that is there right now existed 7 years ago. the parts of her that had sex have died and been reborn.

but that doesn't stop you from thinking about it.

>>18267512
This. Don't throw a possibly repairable marriage out the door because some insecure anon think you should. You should be making rash decisions in the heat of your emotions. Counseling will help you sort your thoughts out.

OP I don't want to make a cuck out of you but consider this. Your gf is away for several months, and this hot girl approaches you and throws herself at you and you are horny as fuck so you give in. Does that mean you don't love her anymore? No. Did you intentionally do it to hurt her? No. Do you want to sacrifice years of marriage because you were horny? Doubt it.

That being said I'd feel pretty hollow and cucked, but it's up to you

>>18267502
How's your wife's son doing?

>>18267546
she's my daughter and not hers
according to you, i'm undatable

How did you find out?

>>18267569
>clearing out old email found incriminating evidence
> confronted her and she blew it off
> confronted her again and demanded that she tell me

>>18267575

>shew blew it off

woof. i can understand keeping it a secret but then lying when confronted, that says a lot to me.

>>18267578
> blew me off - more like downplayed everything

sorry for the obfuscation

>>18267562
>had a kid before you finished school
>thinks you can give any kind of life advice

>>18267582

what she did 7 years ago doesn't say much about who she is as a person now. but the way she reacts to being confronted does.

i can't really weigh in cuz even if you say 'more like downplayed everything' that doesn't tell me exactly what went down.

but you do know what went down. you know how she reacted. so ignore the fact that she cheated on you. focus on how she reacted to you finding out. was that negative of her?

>>18267587
>she understands the hurt I'm feeling because I have reflected fully and she cannot imagine making me feel like that again.
>because it was 7 years ago it is hard for her to comprehend that for me this happened yesterday...

hard to try and find closure when she says nothing I did caused this to happen.. fuck me right...

>>18267585
uh what
i was 21 when she was born

>>18267593

not really. if you trust her, and by mean, trust what she says.

When i cheated it said nothing about the girl i was seeing. it was just me and my mistake and my weirdness.

said if it had nothing to do with me then I would end this relationship.

>she says she isn't that person anymore, I can end the relationship with her but I'd be ending it with the person she is today.

Just started some 4D chess, fuck has KEK forsaken me?

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thanks anons!

>>18267373
hide your assets, anon. retain a lawyer immediately, before you talk to her about anything, and obviously do not let on that you have done so. lawyer will handle the rest and tell you what you need to do to make this process as smooth as possible. hopefully you dont lose too much.
sorry about your luck, anon.

>>18267373
I think if someone cheated on me I'd have a mental breakdown

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>>18267506
Counseling was really helpful for me and my lady, I recommend it. Took a few sessions to hit the stride but improved our relationship.

Do you both want to stay together? Then you can work it out. You'll have to sort your emotions, and that will take time. I know you must feel betrayed and cucked but don't rush. Trust will take a long time to mend.

Seems like a good opportunity to examine the whys and wherefores of your relationship together. Even if you want to stay together, I recommend focusing on how you will be OK no matter what.

C U C K
U
C
K

>>18267601
Why did you cheat then?

This is pretty ugly. The fact she downplayed it does speak on her character and what's even more concerning is that you only THINK she cheated one time 7 years ago. She could have done it more, but deleted texts so you wouldn't see. This is only the part you found but it could be the tip of the iceberg. If you think you guys can still work it out then you should but I think it's very important that she understands the gravity of the situation. Don't let her normalize it. She was wrong and if she doesn't care about your feelings I see no reason you should care about hers.

>>18267502
Sounds like someone's a cheater

You can always go beat the shit out of the guy she cheated with if it makes you feel better. He deserves it, for sure. Just try not to get arrested.

Bro value yourself more than that. While you're away all you have is trust and she broke that trust more than once. I serve and I wouldn't stay with anyone who cheated on me while I was deployed fuck that, dude don't cuck yourself. Staying with someone like that's will lead to further hurt. What happens when things get rough? Or if she gets horny for another dude? She will probably do it again man. Drop her be a good dad and show your kids you don't put up with being a doormat. Find someone else and live a happh life man

>>one week before 10th marriage anniversary I find out my wife was unfaithful multiple times while I was deployed.

Everyone gets cheated on while they're deployed. Ancient Roman soldiers left everything and came home to nothing, and if their wife was still there (with kids now, obviously) then he was legally responsible for those kids.

>>18267373
Look at it this way - you don't know what you don't know. What else is she hiding from you?

>>18267487
That's why it's cheating. It's so much more about what's going on in the cheaters head than what the reality of the situation is. Any reasons, excuses, whatever, almost always boil down to, "I wanted it and I didn't think of any one or thing outside that."

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>expecting a young, horny, and fertile woman to stay loyal to a dumbass who betrayed her to go overseas for years and train to fight on behalf of Israel

You deserve it, OP

>>18268827
>>>>>/pol/

>>18268827
>>18268857
It's a good chunk of the puzzle though. I think I'd go insane if I couldn't touch my partner for months at a time.
I also vote for counselling, just in case this relationship could be repaired now that you're both available for eachother.

>>18267487
Different anon here.

Put your morales aside for a minute.
Do you still love her?
If yes, did you have a good time in the past 7 years?
If yes: does the cheating not have a direct influence on both of your lifes still(still in contact, co-worker, child)?

If you can answer all these with yes, please rethink if it is really worth quitting that relationship.

Over the last years, I formed the strong opinion that every person does mistakes in some form at several points in their life, the difference is just if they regret these mistakes, repent them and threat them as a learning experience. The only exception would be if a person was willingly causing direct harm on somebody else. Think murder. To adapt this to your case, the cheating happened more than half a decade ago and hasn't been repeated since. She also didnt use the cheating to willingly destroy you emotionally. To say it blunt, she was horny and just needed dick. Assuming there was no romance involved.

I recommend talking much. Talk with your wife. Talk with us. Talk with a counselor or other family. But dont take rash decisions based on fleeting feelings.

>>18267373
>It's a "why can't people remain celibate for extended periods of time without extenuating circumstances like getting shot at overseas?" episode
Because humans evolved to have sex as often as possible when not under exceptional amounts of stress. Why is this a difficult concept?

Personally I would leave, I mean who's to say that she's not cheating on you now, you just don't know the trust that she isn't is gone.

>>18269347
We are talking a man's heart here, not a french faggot 2cents philosophy. And a woman can keep her legs together, my man was away for months and I kept faithful. Spread aids elsewhere.

>>18269347
>people "can't stay celibate"
>kissless 30+ virgins exist

It can't go both ways. Just because you have no self-control doesn't mean everyone is incapable.

>>18269051
Now after all that, sit down and contemplate that dick sliding in and out of her while you were gone, and her asking for it and hiding it from you.

Then flash back to when you found out and she tried to cover it up and realize that this may not have been the only time it happened.

Relationships are built on trust.

Here's what you really need to ask yourself; while this always be something that you will remember in your head even after the counseling etc.

The answer is yes, I don't see someday coming to grips with it and then being cool and joking around having beers with bros and saying my wife cheated on me while I was deployed and we're still together haha.

You will always have this, it will never go away. The deed is done and your relationship has already been shaped. Get out now before it starts to warp your mind and soul.

>>18267399
This. Our first instinct as adolscents on 4chan is to tell you to leave.

The truth is, we aren't qualified to tell you what to do, as this situation is a billion times more compkex than your post makes it seem.

I vote for marriage counseling. Tell him EvERYTHING and keep in mind he may tell you to split up.

If she doesn't want to go to that, then leaving is probably all you have left.

May the gods smile upon you and your house, my brother.

>>18267373
In my country there's a saying "Nobody is safe from death or getting cucked"

>>18267386
If she was willing to hide an affair for 7 years, that means she's hiding other shit as well.

>>18267373
Keep digging OP. There is much more to this story you have yet to discover.

I would want to know why the affair ended and when it ended. You should also know she was in contact with this ex even before you deployed and no way she never spoke to or saw each other again in 7 years. She didn't have a damn thing to lose by continuing to fuck him.

Cheating is a break of trust. But it can be built again. You won't forget this and you shouldn't. This is as much a burden on her as it will be on you if you both decide to stay. She'll know it's in the back of your mind and you'll always worry a little. Counseling really is the best option but it is never comfortable. Good luck either way.

>>18269625
This.
Ask her if the guy was black, if she wants to do it again, if she wants to lock you in a chastity cage, if she wants to fuck someone on the 10th year anniversary etc.
You're in a great position right now, OP.

>>18269603
this. consider your situation very carefully before proceeding.

>>18267485
i'm glad to know you're autistic lmao holy shit how big of a beta cuck can you be