Trust Issues

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>>18265481

You're both still children. Young relationships are supposed to end. It was a ridiculous pipe dream to believe that this adolescent relationship was going to lead to marriage.

Failing at relationship as children is how we learn what kinds of things we need in relationships as adults. We fuck up and make mistakes and through trial and error we refine our ability to maintain healthy relationships with healthy people.

I understand being in a young relationship is a very strong feeling. We've all been there. When you're young everything that happens to you is the most important thing that has ever happened because you're experiencing it for the first time. By committing to marry the first person you ever date you, in a lot of ways, rob yourself of being able to find out who you are out of the context of a relationship.

Wanting to be in a few relationships and discover who you are as a person both single and in a relationship before you commit to marriage is not a meme, its a sign of maturity. Sure, the way she handled it wasn't mature but she's a child.

Anyways, I'm sorry you're going through all of this but the reality of this situation is that we've all been through our adolescent heartbreak and this is just your turn. The likelihood that you will marry this girl is slim to none so avoid approaching every relationship like the goal is marriage. Not only is it unrealistic but most girls in your age group will find it a little overwhelming. You have a lot of life left to live, don't be in such a rush to set it in stone.

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>She has yet to do anything else that goes against me
>There's no proof that she did anything but maybe flirt with a couple dudes
>Haven't caught her lying since
>Claims that when she made the post when she was freaking out, figured out the next day she wanted to be with me, and didn't feel that way since

Now
>I haven't pressured her into getting married
>She wants to get engaged before we get out of college but married after we get out
>She fantasizes about our wedding
>Wants us to rent our own place and move in together this summer
>I have forgiven her for bugging out on me before or possibly flirting, but not for lying
>Having serious trust issues
>After introspection, can't say for certain that I can trust her.
>Get the urge to invade her privacy and I do sometimes
>Told her about how I'm insecure with the future of our relationship recently
>She's been very accommodative, and is obviously sorry about the past
>She says that she lied about it being her friend because she didn't want to hurt me
>She swears that she didn't say that she "needs to flirt to make friends"
>I don't know if she forgot or if shes lying again
>Trust issues remain unsolved

Am I retarded to stay? Is there a chance, or is the risk too great? What do you anons think?

>>18265520

>Am I retarded to stay?

Yes. Move on, dude. You're way too young to be caught up in this dramatic shit fest. We both know you're not going to marry this girl and even if you did it wouldn't last. You're a child. Enjoy being a child and stop trying to commit so quickly.

>>18265481
Drop her.

My ex did the literal same thing. Was flirting with a guy "jokingly" and just "for fun". I got pushy and made her stop that. Relationship went on for 1.5 years. Then she found another guy to "jokingly" flirt with. This time she kept it secret from me. I only found out literally one week before she left me for him (she didn't delete those last massages because she didn't even care abymore if I found out). Then everything became clear to me, it became clear why she immediately thought I was accusing her of flirting with a guy when I saw her texting online after she told me good night, it became clear why she immediately told "it's not because of another guy that I am breaking" and so on even though I never once I accused her of something like that (it was actually her accusing me everytime I took longer than an hour to answer her texts that I was on a date with another girl).

You're pretty young so you might think she's sincere because the relationship has still been going for about a year, but believe, if she has it in it to flirt withothers she will do it, and she will inevitably find someone better.

PS (wrote the above before your second post).: my ex was bugging me to move together with her when she starts college. This was 2 months before she firstwanted to break up with me (which I could prevent). She also kept saying how sorry she was because of those flirts (before and after the first break up attempt). The reason she wanted to break up that first time was already because of the guy she left me for 3 months later (after I took her on an expensive as fuck ski vacation and got some expensive shit from my parents fir xmas/birthday). The first break up attempt was late january, final breakup end of april.

Now I'm pretty glad she showed me her true face before I made the grave mistake of really moving in with her and fixing my life around her.

Don't make the same retarded mistake as me, anon.

>>18265506

Read second post.


Do you really think it's mature to throw away one or more good, healthy relationships just to "experience" different people? We both had throw away relationships, but this was a first go for both of us. It's people who say things like "You're only young once" and "These are the best days of your life" that are making women think that setting down at 20 is outrageous. It's perfectly fine as long as you're sure that it's the person you want to be with and not just infatuation.

>>18265531

What does "enjoy being a child" even mean? I want a serious relationship and a serious career so that I can have and support a family. I have literally no interest in flings. I come from a family of very hard workers who tend to marry young. It's not crazy, and I've seen it work before. I think getting engaged at some later point would be fine, but I'm having trust issues. I'm conflicted as to if I should stay or not. She made a mistake in which she is sorry for.


I came her for advice, not to be lectures that I should drop my responsibilities and desires for a serious relationship simply because I'm 19. I don't want to get married right now, that's for certain. What I don't know is if I want to continue this relationship.

>>18265538

She's never actually flirted with anyone as far as I know. If she did, it was likely harmless and at a time when she was confused about her and our future. I can understand why it would be the case, and if that's all that it was then I would have forgiven by now. I'm really only concerned with her impulsive lies.

If she wanted to leave me, she would have by now. She stated that she wants to try living together because she wants to spend more time with me and test the waters. It doesn't seem like she would be expressing interest in others if this were the case. She's even stated that she plans on taking her savings and putting it all into a down payment for when we actually buy our own house. She seems very confident in the fact that it's me who she wants to be with.

Again, for clarification, I'm worried about her possibly not telling the truth about something in order to cover her ass. I don't think she would cheat on me, but I do think she might lie to me about certain things. She stated that she lied about the post because she didn't mean the things that she said any more and she just made it when she was very upset. Her story seems to line up.

>>18265481
I had the opposite happen to me. Very happy in a relationship and then my long time girlfriend brought up marriage. For whatever reason that started am awful cascade in my head about how I had not been with anyone else and wasn't sure if she was "The one" anyway yeah you should be way more cautious bringing up life long commitments. I'm sure it makes everyone uneasy especially being young and may start a downward spiral. At least you got it out of the way now.

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>>18265547

>Do you really think it's mature to throw away one or more good, healthy relationships just to "experience" different people?

Ok. What you have described to us is not a good or healthy relationship. You're not in a good or healthy relationship.

The point is not to just "experience" different people, its to figure out who you are and gain knowledge and perceptive. Experience and perspective is what informs our decisions. Without any experience in something your ability to make a sound decision is greatly diminished.

>What does "enjoy being a child" even mean? I want a serious relationship and a serious career so that I can have and support a family.

Enjoy being a child means to stop emphasizing the end goal and start focusing on more realistic, immediate issues. Yes, eventually we all want to eventually have a family and a serious relationship and a serious career but you're still a teenager. In order to realistically stage your goals in a way that isn't going to overwhelm you or scare women off is to just enjoy someone's company. Go on dates. Have a good time. Engage with the things that are in front of you.

You are going to be VERY hard pressed to begin a relationship with a girl at 18 that is going to be interested in developing a 10 year plan with you that includes marriage and kids. There's nothing wrong with wanting a serious relationship but you're taking it far too seriously.

>I came her for advice, not to be lectures that I should drop my responsibilities and desires for a serious relationship simply because I'm 19

You're not hearing what I'm saying. I understand your instinct is to get defensive and feel lectured to but consider the possibility that you haven't figured everything about life out at 19 years old.

I didn't say drop responsibilities. I said take a step back and focus on short term goals not long term. Making plans to marry your high school girlfriend is super unrealistic. You aren't in a good relationship. Get out of it

>>18265640

It was perfectly fine and healthy until she let the people such as yourself convince her that she needs at least two cocks in her to be happily married. She realized how stupid that shit was in a very short amount of time, and she regrets it. It seems as though she just wanted to pretend that she felt that way even for a day, and that's why she was lying about it. She's fine and happy now. She wants to continue things because she did take me up on my offer to start settling down.

I'm paying for community college so I can get a STEM degree, I'm working full time to pay for expenses including my car, and I'm moving out entirely by next semester. I don't want to be a child. I am establishing myself as independent and capable. I never stated that I was ready for marriage or that I am now. I was prepared to settle down because I was very happy, and she reached that conclusion as well after a road bump. I do take her on dates and have a good time. I can also rationalize that we're going somewhere with our relationship and it's always best to discuss things prior to when they happen if appropriate.

I love her a lot, and I can acknowledge why she did the things she did. That's why this is a hard decision for me. I'm having issues trusting that things will stay the way they are because of this one past issue. Nothing else has ever happened other than this one issue. I'm trying to forgive her, but I'm still hung up on it because she lied in any fashion. If I knew she was up to anything or even just had a good reason to think so, this wouldn't be an issue. She seems genuinely sorry about the incident and just wants to move on. It seems like it was just reactionary and transitional. It gives me reason to look into things, but I've since found nothing to make me question her.

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>don't get invested in one person
>ruin good relationships for no reason
>it will be better, I swear


There's literally evidence to prove that your thinking is untrue and it stems from hedonism rather than rational decision making.

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>>18265741

>It was perfectly fine and healthy until she let the people such as yourself convince her that she needs at least two cocks in her to be happily married.

Well now you're just being a petulant baby. Characterizing any girl who wants to date more than one guy her entire life as a slut is top tier immature bullshit. You really show your age with a statement like that.

I'm not gonna argue with you about memes. You're being a dumb kid and hearing anything that isn't what you want to hear is like literal kryptonite to you. I really understand though, I was your age once and I felt the same way whenever someone suggested to me that my rationalizations weren't accurate or reasonable. I was really a terrible kid, honestly. It took life beating the shit out of me in order to let all of it go and grow up.

I hope you grow up, sincerely. It'll save you a lot of delayed growing pains later in life, especially when you stop dating girls and you start dating women.

>don't get invested in one person

Not what I said.

>ruin good relationships for no reason

What you described isn't a good relationship. If it were good you wouldn't be here asking us if you should stay. At least be realistic about your problem, OP. You can't flip flop and pretend its good when people start challenging you on it.

>it will be better, I swear

Not what I said either. A good, well rounded person learns from mistakes, not insists that any act performed out of the purview of their scope of logic is a mistake. If you go through adolescence thinking everything you know is perfect and infallible you will grow up to be a giant cunt.

>>18265746

This graph is a meme. It always has been a meme. Its been debunked here a million and a half times. Boiling life down to graphs and metrics is a great way to die alone. People are more complicated than meme graphs and red pilled propaganda. You'll figure that out if you ever humble yourself long enough to pull your head out of your ass. Grow up, kid.

>>18265741
You have a really big problem, anon: you did not yet realize that humans are assholes to the core.
As much as you want to delude yourself, you're just a teenager who has rose tainted glasses.

You came to /adv/ to obviously get advised that ypu should stay with your girl and that you should stop worrying about the past lies.
But now that people, who are mature and have actual life experience, tell you to get over het, you get all defensive because this isn't the answer you wanted to hear.

You have a whole fucking lot of growing up to do before thinking about pending your whole life with a single person.

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>>18265781


Pls debunk my CDC maymay graph please.

>lol op you need to have multiple partners to be happy
>This government study that claims that women with less partners are happier and have better marriages is a meme

I'm aware that I shouldn't base my entire life off of statistics, but what your saying is wrong.

I'm just going to go ahead and let all that other shit go. You should tell me how blatant statistical data is not relevant to our argument. I can't wait to hear how this goes.
>>18265810
I wanted advice on what to do that would compel me in either direction. There's been some okay advice shared, but the guy who keeps posting (I'm unsure if this is you) is mainly arguing about different things entirely. The information stated, other than two posts, is not useful to me.

This >>18265531 post essentially said to just forget everything because I'm too young.

This >>18265538 anon seems concerned and offers advice, yet it's not quite tailored to my circumstances. As far as I noticed, she just had one event which made her want to flirt with other men because she was nervous like >>18265614 this anon.

She has committed and she told me what she wants. It's not something that everyone would be fine with, so I can understand some friction. What bothered me was the lying.

>>18265835
i mean, these are just statistics. you're taking an emotional matter and trying to apply logic to it. there's no logic in love or lust, just whatever your heart or penis says.

high school sweethearts exist, anon. but that is a plethora of experience that is missed out by both parties. this is not cynicism: this is fact. you only gain wisdom by having experiences, and right now your experiences are limited to her, and hers are limited to you. if you want to use your data as an example, your sample size is 1. your personal evidence is inadmissible.

she lied to you. does this bother you more than you love her? then let her go. from the sound of it, she'll probably be letting you go sooner rather than later.

What she did was harmless. She wanted to know if it was normal to be attracted to other people/feel the need to act flirty while in a relationship. It is. Now she knows and is aware of it, which lessens the likelyhood that she'll cheat ''by accident''. She's been very honest apart from the friend thing. You are insecure and should trust her more. Let go of that non-issue.

>>18265851

The issue clearly isn't her attraction to me. As I've stated before, she's literally willing to dump her life savings, which is a very considerable amount for her age, into a house for both of us. It's not anything to do with that at all.
Nice "debunking" there, smartass. Statistics are relevant because they give you information to make decisions and form opinions with. This is nothing more than the proof of what I'm saying. Your bullshit has absolutely nothing behind it, and is actually proven to be worse than my theory. Seriously, fuck off. I don't need help from a bleeding heart degenerate who doesn't understand how data is relevant to reality and the decision making process.

>>18265878
yeah, see: stem major here. you're trying to merge two different things into one, and i'm telling you it's not working. but hey, you seem to be a salty know-it-all. i wish you best of luck.

>>18265895

Explain to me, anon. I appreciate any feedback even if I don't agree with people. The exception is if they're >>18265781 like this guy.

I really appreciate everyone else. I really do take everything into consideration, it's just that some information is less relevant than other info.

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>>18265835

Yeah, I'm done with you kid.

You're mischaracterizing and straw-manning nearly every word of my post because your immaturity renders your literally allergic to any perspective or rationale that isn't your own. You have a lot of growing up to do. A TON of it.

Its been a thoroughly unpleasant experience talking with you. I hope the next ten years of your life shed a little bit of light on just how immature and petulant you are.

>>18265878
Different anon, but I remember high school statistics.
You need more than the percentages to say the numbers mean anything. The sample sizes need to be big enough. (Also probably plenty of other rules I barely remember). Do you have a write up of the study with it? It would probably tell what you can/can't conclude.

If that doesn't make sense, let's go with a stupid example. Imagine I went out and asked 2 girls what their favorite color was. They both said blue. At that point, I could make a graph saying 100% of girls like blue. But my graph wouldn't mean anything because I didn't ask enough people to have a good survey size.

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>>18265942

You're literally the same idiot. You're really smart and you don't need statistics to prove it. Leave the thread already. I only replied because I thought you were someone else, if you didn't catch on.

>>18265945

I'm aware of how stats work, fellow anon. These are CDC stats, which I highly respected because they come from the government and the funding is transparent and often concise. I would only trust the DOJ over the CDC on discrepancies. I wouldn't post something that I'm not unsure about.