How to go from friends to acquaintances?

In any case, I've burned a bunch of bridges in the past, so I know full well that I can always just keep ignoring him for a bit and he'll just go away. However, since I've done a bunch of that in the past, I'd like it if I found a way to both stop hanging with him, but also not just go awkwardly AWOL for a month until he gets the message. I have mutual friends with him and I even meet his brother every now and then, so I don't want to go into that awkward mode. How do I go about this in a mature way, both this time and generally if I want to cut ties peacefully with someone else in the future without just severing everything common? Every time until now that I wanted to distance myself I simply stopped communicating for a month or two, and the person usually got the message. That's fine and fits the purpose I suppose, but, honestly, it feels like hiding, and I don't like it.

I made a similar thread a week ago btw, just in case anyone stumbled upon both.

Thanks in advance to anyone who bothers to read this!
2/2

>>18261497
Had something similar to me happen when I started to mature.

This kind of thing just happens. Just stop hanging out with them. You can ween them off if you want but you'll find you no longer even like hanging out with them when you do.

They're a friend, you're not married to them, and you don't owe them anything.

Just be less responsive, and always "be busy" when they want to hang out.

>>18261502
>tfw all your friends suddenly became "busy"

>>18261502
Thanks a lot for the response mate

>You can ween them off if you want but you'll find you no longer even like hanging out with them when you do.

That's pretty much what I'm feeling. After I last met up with him and I was furious I thought that I should just stay away for a bit and in a week or so I'll have cooled down and I'll want to hang out again. It's been 2 weeks, however, and now I can't imagine letting him in my home again.

So what would you recommend me now, given that I haven't been responding to him for a couple of weeks (initially for the sake of my nerves)? Just respond next time, act like nothing's wrong but avoid any plans to meet up? Keep straight up ignoring him unless he shows up face to face?

>>18261552

Glad to help.

You might want to respond so he doesn't lash out, but it might be hours / days / weeks later. Whatever's a longer response time than normal. And increase this as time goes on.

Stay non-commital or busy if he wants to hang out.

Eventually he'll stop trying.

Be cordial when you see him on the street "Oh it's been a long time, how have you been, etc" but be busy when asks to hang out -- or "Oh i think i have something that day id have to check" or whatever.

No reason to cause confrontation when it's not needed.

He'll hopefully get the hint.. If he doesn't thats another issue

>>18261575
I see, so you'd suggest I bullshit him a bit about not responding for some time now, avoid him but reply every now and then? I tend to agree, I've considered telling him why I'm breaking this up, but then again I made it clear to him when he was driving me mad, and it didn't phase him a bit (he seemed to enjoy it), so I don't think it'd do any good.
Also, this might sound stupid and/or degenerate, but his brother is my main week hook up (that's why we got in touch 3 years ago in the first place). Do you think it'd be alright if I kept doing "business" with him, or should I start looking for a new hookup? That's secondary to me, ofcourse, and I'm breaking this friendship up regardless for the sake of my mental health, I just wanted to know what you think about that.

>>18261497
Do you buy weed off this guy's brother? Isn't that the reason why you don't want to completely cut ties with this guy?

>>18261934
yeah, pretty much. I'm looking to cut ties though, just not in bad terms, or in a way that would exclude me from his brother. In other cases I'd just bail and disappear until the guy moves on, and it's pretty effective and fast, but I'm just contemplating that factor too right now.
I am putting my mental health and well-being first though, if it comes to either not talking to that dude again or not getting pot from his brother I'd rather go without pot for a bit and look for a new hookup. It will be a bit chaotic since I've never have to do that in the past, but what the hell

Interact with him less and don't initiate any texts. I did this for a friend I started wanting to spend less time with as my self confidence went up. He was a fun person when we were teenagers but he didn't support me when I started self improvement things like taking up going to the gym and did volunteering to find my real passion. Almost all friendships have an expiry date.

As a person who was once in your friend's position, I can tell you that you should probably "distance" yourself, he will move on, just like I did. When someone has a friend and they begin to improve themselves (in a serious, meaningful way) they get jealous. This can be detrimental for you, and a worst, dangerous. Looking back at it now, as my friend improved himself I did things very similar to what your friend is doing to you, and I can tell you that it is probably best you move on.

>>18263074
Thanks mate, good to hear that I'm not the only one faced with situations like this.

>Almost all friendships have an expiry date.
That hit close to home. I'm starting to realize this as I get older.

>>18263130
I see. I was hoping that the changes I was making would affect him positively too or possibly inspire him to get off his ass, but it seems like it backfired. It's strange to me because when we started hanging with each other I helped him a bunch with getting better and finding a new hobby (painting), which he still practices today, so I expected something similar from him when it came to me. Then again, you can't force people to progress or to support you.

In any case, I see that pretty much everyone confirms my original intentions to break this friendship up, so I'll keep this up. Just today he finally sent me the first text asking why I'm not responding to the previous ones, and I'm thinking whether I'm gonna answer at all. Should I throw some random excuse at him or not answer? What do I do if he lashes out or calls me out? I was gonna straight up tell him what the problem is but we have established that it wouldn't really help, it would probably just cause another confrontation.

>>18261497
Been down that road many times, anon.
I usually do it in a terribly clear and dramatic way, just to get the point across.
I'd entirely remove him from my life: delete/block his number, remove him from any social media, avoid contacting.

>>18264243
You don't need an offical breakup for a friendship. You just reply with one word answers for text like "k" and he'll get the hint and only hang with him when it's convenient for you. Once he gets the message that he's no longer the priority he used to be, he'll feel sad but move on.

I get the feeling you're wanting to hang on to this friendship for some reason. Is it a reason other than nostalgia?

>>18264255
Yeah, I get that, I've done that plenty of times in the recent years too, pretty much going under the radar forever. Is it normal? I feel like I'm the only one in my family and social circle that has had to completely cut off people like that. Then again, I'm surrounded by extroverts, my father is agreeable by character, and I'm the only person that actually puts effort in saying "no".

>>18264290
>I get the feeling you're wanting to hang on to this friendship for some reason. Is it a reason other than nostalgia?
That question was really thought provoking. I'd say it's 3 reasons: the nostalgia that you mentioned, the weed factor I mentioned at >>18261960, and the fact that I've burned more than enough bridges in the past 4 or so years, at least from where I'm sitting.
Up until I went to uni I had an extremely wide social circle, I was out every night etc. Since then, however, I've realized that I'm an introvert and I enjoy being by myself a lot more than hanging out with a bunch of people. Add to that the fact that I got fucked over when I was 19 by both my gf and my best friend at the time, and I fell to a mild depression cycle that I still haven't completely escaped, and 4 years later you got me. I've thought of splitting up with this dude a bunch of times these past years, but that's pretty much the reason I didn't, basically the thought that "damn, he's the last guy you're hanging with, don't push him away too", or "stop getting mad, what he's doing is normal, you're the one that's antisocial and gets mad at everything".

>>18264531
You might just need some temporary alone time to figure out what you want from your relationships with people. I made the mistake of falling for the "cutting toxic people out of your life" meme. In some ways it was good to step out of my comfort zone and in some ways it was hard not having any friends for a while.

Try to make your own life more rich in its own right before you look to relationships/friendships as a source of problems or solutions. Do you have any hobbies or exercise that you do regularly?

>>18264658
Another great reply. Jesus, this thread really turned out great.

>I made the mistake of falling for the "cutting toxic people out of your life" meme
I know this meme. I'd only call two friends I've cut off "toxic" though: maybe the dude I'm talking about (insecure & insincere) and the best friend I mentioned I had at 19 - he was a real piece of work, really fucked me up mentally. Narcissistic, lying, extremely manipulative, borderline psychopathic. I stopped seeing a lot of other people while I was hanging out with him, mainly because he was trying to manipulate me out of any other friendships I had at the time. The rest of the people I cut off pretty much drifted apart, I didn't put effort in it.
I've got a generic concept of what I would like in a friend, and thankfully I've got 2 people that fit that role and they have been my friends for a long time. Unfortunately they are both hundreds of miles away and I only see them every couple of months, so I can't expect them to fit the friend role.

>In some ways it was good to step out of my comfort zone and in some ways it was hard not having any friends for a while.
Well, right now I'd say that my comfort zone is not having friends at all. I've got my family that I'm close with, and my courses every now and then, so I regularly come in contact with people, don't get me wrong. If I had to define my comfort zone, however, I'd say it's me infront of a monitor, playing vidya and smoking pot. I've been perfectly content with that for the past 3 years, and if I wasn't aspiring to do more, I would probably be fine with doing that for at least the rest of my 20s.

>Do you have any hobbies or exercise that you do regularly?
Eeeh, not really. I was a legit /fit/izen for a couple of years when I was a teen, but I don't really exercise right now. Regarding hobbies, I play vidya and browse the chans, but that's it pretty much it on a regular basis.

Sorry for the long replies by the way.

>>18265055
Have you tried having hobbies that you actively participate in as opposed to passively consuming media? It will help with forming an identity and give you self confidence. You might also meet some interesting new people as a bonus. Do you still live in your hometown OP?

>>18265154
>Have you tried having hobbies that you actively participate in as opposed to passively consuming media?
I've tried some things from time to time, but I haven't really kept doing any of them long enough to consider it a hobby. Can you elaborate a bit more regarding hobbies and how vidya isn't "actively participating"? Not trying to defend muh games or anything like that, just trying to understand what hobbies you are talking about.

>Do you still live in your hometown OP?
Yep, in the capital of my country. I share a small apartment with my sister close to my parents so I got my relative freedom and don't still live with them 24/7, but otherwise yeah.

I wish people didn't do this to me. I have no friends. I even encourage self-improvement but they all leave in the end.

>>18265511
There must be some other reason then dude. There's either something wrong with the people you pick or there's something on you that you need to work on.

>>18265321
Video games don't require any effort or make you grow as a person compared to active hobbies like sports, art, learning a language etc.

Do you live in Canberra? If so you probably need a change since it's a boring place to be in your 20s. It is a trap since its so comfy.

>>18266329
>Video games don't require any effort or make you grow as a person compared to active hobbies like sports, art, learning a language etc.
I see what you mean. Cutting down my vidya time is in the list of "changes" I mentioned, but I still have way to go. Unfortunately I'm a poorfag for the next couple of years and there aren't many hobby opportunities around here these days, so I'll have to do my own research.

>Do you live in Canberra? If so you probably need a change since it's a boring place to be in your 20s. It is a trap since its so comfy.
No, not an aussie. I live in Athens, Greece. I'm hoping to be done with uni (electrical & computer engineering) in a couple of years, and then I'm probably off abroad.
>inb4 denbts

>>18266627
Try the gym. Once you go there consistently go there a few months you'll have the fitness and confidence to try new sports of outdoor activities. Make sure you get a good personal trainer. Although the gym sounds expensive, once you notice how great your mind and body feel after going to the gym, you'll see it as an investment.