too egoistic

You are not Buddha.

think more about other people

but in all honesty i've been where you're girlfriend is right now and people like you never change. sorry to break this to you but you two will break up inevitably

>>18258264
We had a half year break after a fight and got back together. I learned a fuckton out of every situation and I improved so much. It was going so damn great until our argument today.

It just feels like I don't have 100% control. I really want to change and I believe I can do it

>>18258279
what was the argument?

>>18258283
it was about a situation while we were pretty drunk. It basically was about me thinking only about myself. I learned a ton from it, this is why we're together again. But apparently I didn't learn enough. That's why I'm asking for advice

>>18258307
Explain the situation

>>18258310
The argument back then was very emotional and not of much substance (except I realised that I'm egoistic).

She's in stress lately and I've been treating her more like a friend, not on purpose. I of course love her but I've just been thinking of myself.

>>18258320
I don't understand what's wrong with treating her like a friend

>>18258332
Being treated like a friend by someone who is supposed to be your boyfriend is fucked up and distressing.

OP, the bottom line is, no one wants to stick around with someone if it feels like you're not loved, appreciated and cared about. When you are always satisfying someone else's ego but never get anything in return, it makes you resent the fuck out of them.

You need to drop the egoism, ironically, in looking at this situation as not "I'm trying my best" "I improved so much" because basically that's just trying to pat yourself on the back when clearly, it's not even doing the trick.

What do you do for her to make sure she knows you love and care for her, find her sexy, etc? What do you do for HER ego that makes her like being around you and makes her feel like she's special to you?

>>18258332
It's that I'm treating her only like a friend, and not like my girlfriend.
Instead of being there for her when she needs it, I prioritise myself. I do not do this on purpose and I want to be with her. It's like some kind of mental block

>>18258350
I totally understand your point, I see it clearly.

She's very driven and ambitious, and I support her with that. We want to achieve something and this is how I'm showing her love. But at times when she's stressed, I failed to show it to her and thought of myself (today).

>>18258364
Well think about her, she should be the priority

>>18258364
Yeah that's pretty bad. Bringing your SO up when they're down is a really obvious way to show you care about them. So don't miss an opportunity like that again.

I sympathize with you because you remind me of my boyfriend. And every time we have a fight about this he's like "please be patient with me. please help me." For me it's so frustrating because the way I feel is that, it makes me happy, it actually builds my own ego, when I'm able to make him happy. So it's so mutually beneficial for me to be really mindful of his feelings. But I guess a lot of people don't feel the same way.

I think you should try it and see. If you really love her, being able to make her smile when she's down, or surprise her with something thoughtful you did for her would give you a huge ego boost as well as her.

>>18258366
I'm trying to. I see the consequences of not doing so.

I think that my problem is me realising her actual needs. It's not that I don't care, I fail to look deeper into the situation to realise if she might need me be there for her. I don't know what else the problem might be

>>18258387
In doubt, always ask.
Plan ahead.
And make good surprises.

>>18258384
Thanks a lot. I now need to fix the situation and I really want to be there for her.

>Bringing your SO up when they're down is a really obvious way to show you care about them.

Could you explain that? What's "SO"?

>>18258397
Significant Other.

>>18258397
stands of "significant other"
it's a way to not have to type out "boyfriend/girlfriend"

Thanks for all the replies. I think I can pinpoint the problem now and actively work on it.
As I said, I have to fix the current situation and then implement the changes I want to make

>>18258407
you sound autistic
there's no pinpoint, it's just a general atitude she doesn't like
be kinder and think about her, that's all

>>18258366
>she should be the priority

Fuck that shit. I give my chick support during finals and stress at work but she isn't my fucking life priority nor should anybody be in a healthy relationship.

>>18258455
Okay.
Good luck with life.

>>18258545
You shouldn't expect someone's top priority to be you. That is wildly unhealthy if you have any semblance of personal authenticity.

If you want to settle in for thr white picket fence shit McLife and pork out a couple of loser kids while working jobs you hate I guess it's cool.

>>18258560
I like how putting someone else's needs over yours means you'll have a shitty life, with no real reasoning in between.
Did I touch a nerve?
I really don't care. To each his own. But putting someone else's needs over yours is what you do when you have a family, a wife and children.
Not everybody is or needs to be cut out for that, really, but I fail to see why that would make anybody miserable. Maybe that's just my perspective.

>>18258580
You're really aiming high with that goal.

I remember when I was a little boy and dreamed of a soul crushing job in servitude to my wife and kids.

>>18258616
Yeah, I totally can't have my own life goals when I put someone else over me who also puts me above them.
Guess I'm truly fucked. I know I should be more miserable, but gosh darn it I'm just so happy! Must be a mental illness, right?

>>18258628
What goals?

>>18258628
dude stop, the person you're talking to is mostly likely 12

you can tell by how he insist he isn't a little boy out of nowhere

>>18258634
For instance, having the job of my dreams, which I already do.

>>18258666
Which is?

>>18258257
If you don't really care about her, you can't simply fix that.
From my experience caring about sth, isn't sth you control or sth you can build on, you either care or not, whether it's bad or not.

However, you may start caring a bit more about her if you truly see her as a significant other and by that I mean truly come to the realization that she is like you, she is another personality and goes through similar shit like you do, she thinks, she feels and has experiences like you do... you want stuff, she wants stuff...

That's what most people with your problem fail to understand.

>>18258678
I'm not telling my personal life on fucking 4chan, lol. I'm a vet but I don't work with small animals and that's all you need to know.

>>18258685
Lol, ok horse vet. What a dream.

>>18258687
It's not horses.
And even if it was, why would that be a shit dream? Lol

>>18258693
Medicine is a shit field in general

>>18258697
t. shit grades and couldn't get in

Anyway, that really doesn't matter, now does it? If it's my dream and makes me happy, who cares? Only your sorry ass does.

>>18258257
bump

>>18258712
Nah mang I'm all about creativity. My dad's a vet and he quit that shit and is a vp of a drug company now because he gets to travel and enjoys it. I'm in school to write and you're damn right I'll drop my chick in a second if it means selling my shit. I admire people who actually did what they want like Francis Ford Coppola, Jay Kay, Hemingway. Not the nameless.

>>18258741
Why can't having a family and putting someone else above you be what someone truly wants? I don't get your point.

>>18258786
Look up what authenticity means