Let it out

>>18257854
I don't care that you broke your arm.

>>18257854
Why does he come on here trying to get a reaction out of me then becomes butthurt when I retaliate? I said fuck off, didn't I?

I'm shit

they're most likely not even thinking about me while I have been thinking about them a lot and keep having these moments of loneliness. It kinda hurts not having answers and never knowing what I did wrong. But they decided to do the pussy way out and just cut me off. If they told me whatever was wrong, I would have done my best to make a compromise. It's fucking frustrating because like I wanna move on, but we were all really tight then poof it's gone and it's the second time this has happened, but they never stated a reason. Honestly I do check on you guys' profiles sometimes. I fucking hate you for doing this again but maybe it's for the better. Weird how someone can almost convince you to move near them and then cut you off like you never meant anything to them.

I didn't kill myself today.

I'm thinking of breaking up with my loser boyfriend because I'm in love with my new best friend who I don't think is interested in me.

Please D
please keep being my friend, look i know i can be a downer, i know i lack confidence and self-esteem. yes i know this and ive improved my life since i met you, dont shut me down, dont close yourself from me, i genuinely love you being my friend. dont stop being my friend, i want you to keep seeing my improvements

I'm really thinking about just getting Tinder but I'm really not sure.

>>18257922
Your new best friend wouldn't happen to be at work, would he?

If not, go ahead! Just ask him out within the window where you would break up with your bf.

So I realized I'm into besitality, which is pretty annoying considering the ethical implications. I try to not let it get me down to much, but it's a struggle. I won't act out on it though. I try to not let it get me down too much, but it's a struggle.

>>18257960
New best friend is in music class atm

And that's scary! But thanks for the advice. It just doesn't seem right to keep stringing along this other kid when I have major feels for someone else...

>>18257890

At least you somewhat acknowledge that it was partially your fault.

>>18257984

Stop watching the porn and try to think about human porn when it pops into your head.

That or be a furry.

Trying to come to terms with the fact that my boyfriend doesn't love me anywhere near as much as I love him. He says he's just bad at showing it but there's a difference between that and almost never showing any affection at all. I have to beg just to get him to watch a movie or play vidya with me, and it's not like I'm asking to play or watch anything he wouldn't like. The only time he ever shows any love is when he wants sex. Sometimes I wonder if he just sees me as an onahole. He was a lot more affectionate and romantic at the beginning of the relationship but now it's like he doesn't care. It's not like he's mean or abusive or anything, just distant. We still spend all day together, but it feels less like we're lovers and more like friends who occasionally fuck.

I know I should probably just break up with him but I cant stop hoping that things will eventually get better. Plus he's my only friend and I would be really lonely without him.

>>18257995
I'm basically in this situation except it's my girlfriend who is like this. She also just calls me gay for being affectionate and likes to do really mean things to tease me like refuse to let me be affectionate in public, which is extremely embarrassing for me. I can't tell if she genuinely hates being shown affection, or if she is just fucking with me, but it's given me a shitload of doubt in the past few weeks about our relationship despite the fact that if I take a step back and ignore all that, everything appears to be perfectly fine. Ugh! This sucks!!!

>>18257995
>Only friend

It sounds like you may be a bit clingy and he may be a bit distant, and as a result you get more clingy and he gets more distant. I know it's hard but try backing off for a few weeks and see what happens. If he doesn't come to you, I'd break it off with him. I am a clingy person myself and need someone cuddly, so it just doesn't work out with people who emotionally isolate themselves. Best of luck!

I know I'm shit for flirting with this girl at work and not telling you even though we are in a polyamourous marriage. I'm afraid your jealousy will destroy a nice thing I have going. She probably wont even fuck me because she's super Christian, but we have openly admitted our infatuation with one another despite her reasonable hang-ups on monogamy. I want to be honest, but I don't feel like I'm causing you to miss out on anything especially since we just got back from vacation and you have your boyfriend visiting. I know you visit 4chan too, so if this does reach you, now you know.

>>18257854
Having the worst day i wanna quit my job and kill myself its also my birthday

You are such a fucking hypocrite

>>18258012
Happy Birthday! :) Please don't kill yourself! :(

/adv/ is a shit board

>>18258012
Birthdays can be some of the hardest days. Try and keep yourself busy! Corral a friend and I think Denny's gives you a free meal on your birthday.

>>18258012
Happy Birthday anyway, anon. Get some drinks tonight.

>>18257854
I don't like how when you express interest in a girl and she seems interested at the time, even gives you her number, but had no intentions of going out with you. It's this type of shit that make me feel like women are not worth my time and I am better off just being single for the rest of my life and getting a surrogate mother to bear my children.

>>18258020
Have you seen /fit/? /b/?

>>18258017
Welcome to the real world, sweets. People suck so much, don't they?

>>18258012

Happy birthday! Make sure you either have at least six month's worth of living expenses or another job lined up before you quit.

Also there's the crisis line linked at the top there if you need to talk to someone more qualified than randos on /adv/.

Heather you fucking cheating bitch!
God fucking damn it. I should have seen this coming. I should have never stayed or tried to make it work. I should have never had a child with you!
OR MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER! But I can only be SO AMAZING.
I DID EVERYTHING, I PAYED FOR EVERYTHING. I HELD BACK NOTHING.

I asked for one thing in this world, give me love in return! Not as a friend!
You stupid cheating whore, you never gave me a chance. You never gave me a chance.
I left my girlfriend of 8 years for you. I abandoned and was disowned by my family for you!
I gave all of myself but you gave me nothing! You beautiful crazy bitch.
ADVICE TO READERS!
TAKE the ADVICE that is so often given and ignored!
DON'T stick your dick in crazy! DON'T fall for single moms. DON'T believe in love.

I don't hate my job, just the coworkers who bully me everyday.

I want to kill myself on a daily basis. A couple of months ago I would have told you I was happy, despite working a laborious job for shit pay.

Im so scared to lose the money though.

So you're trying to tell me that shit is a groundwire.... while it FUCKING WASN'T EVEN CLOSE TO TOUCHING THE FUCKING GROUND OR CONNECTED TO ANYTHING?

Uhuh, sure.

As for the shocking myself on the fucking bathroom lightsocket as a kid... why the fuck are you scolding me 25 years after the fact? The only reason I did it was because my OLDER brother did it... of course monkey see monkey do at that age. It was like licking a battery, no ryhme or reason It was super stupid but then again we also use to jump off the fucking roof of the barn onto an old mattress that had springs sticking out of it.

Whats your point in all of this?

I know I have to contact you first. Give me some time.

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>Afraid of failing college and letting my family down
>attractive guy I just don't talk to girls but I would like to
>Friends cut me out cold turkey and I don't really know why
>I'm so fucking god damn lazy and I think playing video games is the best thing ever
FUCK I need some motivation but nothing gets me in feels

This is more of a positive post: I'm in love with you and I hope everything is okay in your life right now. You seem to have put up a slight wall and I often wonder if it's because our relationship is a big part of what's fucking you up. That being said, last night I literally had trouble sleeping because I couldn't stop thinking of the first time we kissed. I had so many things going on with my heart while thinking about that. I love you. I miss you. I hope I get to see you tonight, and I hope we kiss some more. You're the best, babe. I hope you kick depression's ass.

>>18258155
Recently started watching Gunbuster, it has been weirdly motivational for me. Would recommend.

I have a loosening crown and don't know what to do other than call around dentist's offices and see if one will look at it and tell me how much it will cost to replace, without charging me a shitload just to look at it. I don't have insurance.

I really wish I could afford corrective jaw surgery so I can eat and speak properly instead of suffering every moment of my existence. I want to die.

>>18258180
Awww... I wish this was from my boyfriend.

He doesn't talk to me much anymore :(

Hey!

Don't know why you blocked me on facebook, don't wanna know why. Found out accidentally when I checked who liked something a posted a year ago.
In case you jumped to conclusions, I have not contacted or left you messages here in months. Just saying 'cause you often thought I did.

I hope all is well with you and if blocking me is what you need to move on or to have a happy relationship, then so be it.
If you resent me for anything, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me, as I found it in mine to forgive you.
We probably won't talk ever again, unless you make the first move (you did just block me, this is a big "dont talk to me").
It's sad, specially since we pretty much were part of each other.

Be safe. Be happy. Be good. Always be good.

With everlasting love,
Your phantom heart.

I've just deferred an exam because I didn't study hard enough

>>18258012
Hey anon, happy birthday, birthdays suck, mine esp so I just try to imagine it's any other day. As for killing yourself DO NOT do it, better days will come

>married
>not sexually attracted to husband for about three years now
>in love with a friend for about a year
>no kids
>about to be 30
What would you do? Is it too risky to get a divorce close to my 30s if I want kids?

How do you guys do this shit? How do you have literal mind control powers? Fucking HOW?

Also, why do so many people hate me? What did I ever do to them? Are they just jealous that I get so much attention? That I'm a fucking billionaire? That women are dying to get with me even though I'm a chubby weirdo?

I don't know but I've been told

I should invest in 4chan Gold

I'm wandering if I should greet you for your birthday this week...On the one hand it's not a big deal, but I know it matters to you, on the other you were CLEAR about the fact that you do not wish to see me, talk to me, even look at me and have anything to do with me, so I wouldn't do it. BUT you might think I have forgotten about it, that's why I didn't text, while I heve not. Yet why the fuck do I care what you would think...Maybe I should call, if you don't pick up the phone whatever, if you do I could just say ''happy birthday and hang up"... yet I'm not sure I want to call you ever again let alone be the one to call...I don't feel like sending a fb message either - after the last text of yours...maybe I could send a regular message with just ''happy birthday'' or not send anything at all..

>>18257854
I'M LONELY
I'M DEPRESSED
I'M DROWNING

I NEED

LOVE

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I'm not mad at you that you infected me! I don't even really blame you for it. But you are with out a doubt who I caught it from. You do not have "just a cough." You have walking pneumonia. Now go to a doctor before you infect me and my weakened immune system again.

And actually GO this time. Having some guy you saw when you were a kid call in cough syrup for you isn't going to work. You need to get tested and get the strain confirmed. Because it's bad, and antibiotic resistant, and you almost killed me.

>>18258288
wtf should I do? why do i still care?

I'm pretty sure I call every woman the most beautiful woman in the world.

You girls, you drive me crazy.

>>18258298
I LOVE YOU!

I was wondering why all the connections to spongebob but then I remembered...

ManRay.

An object to be destroyed.

The truth is that I exist purely to be tortured. I exist to die for your entertainment. You have all been pushing me to suicide my entire fucking life as a type of gameshow. Like Battle Royal or The Hunger Games.

I'm a fucking tribute.

But I didn't die. I wasn't destroyed.

I lived.

How many more are there like me?

I just want to stop feeling so lonely all the time

>>18258430
At least the entire fucking world wasn't cheering on your death.

Aside from my crush on W i still secretly hope K breaks up with her boyfriend so I can hang visit her, hang out with her and fuck her brains out for few days straight. My short relationship with her was a perfect adventure. And I want more. Consciously I would want to be with W and for K to be happy with her boyfriend. But some part of my mind wants to live this adventure again.

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It's been almost a year since we split. I've had that much time to assess and this is how I feel about you now. You:

>Are obnoxious and kind of stupid, have little regard for social concepts
>Need constant reassurance
>Wear many masks
>Are a coward who can't bear anyone to see you for who you are
>Can't accept people who don't do what you want, or expect. you don't have a concept for other peoples' free will
>find anything you're not used to repulsive and scary. You're very close-minded
>are exhausting to be around
>are used to being pampered constantly. you are 27 and will never move out of your mother's house because she coddles you to the point it's kind of weird
>are possessive
>paraded me around like a novelty
>probably cheated on me. you came home from work, wouldn't touch me, got straight in the shower. you had my name in your phone as a male name, one you NEVER called me. You told me constantly how your dad kept trying to set you up on dates with pretty girls, and when we got into arguments you'd throw that in my face like you were doing me a favor by not accepting them. you were also paranoid of me cheating on you and never respected my privacy, would always check my skype messages when i left the room etc
>were a total dickbag at times and treated me like a plaything rather than a human being
>Are completely done growing as a human being
and I:
>will always love who I made you out to be when I was a teenager.
>was never in love with who you really are

I still don't know what you guys keep hinting at a "fight"...?

Has it already taken place or am I really really going to have to like... physcially fight someone for your entertainment? Really?

Or by fight do you mean fuck?

>>18258506

>accidentally described literally every guy on /adv/

>>18258512
hah what is the context?? sounds interesting

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>>18257854
I left you because you said you couldn't stand me anymore and no longer enjoyed my presence.
Months later, I find out you're drawing my dying in various different ways, despite being you who wanted me out of your life.

I'm not even angry. I'm dissapointed, and that's arguibly worse...

>>18258547
sorry, i have to ask, are they literally drawing you dying? that's kind of really weird

>>18258552
Yes, he is, last I knew in a plane crash.

>>18258116

Live below your means for a few months, save the money, and quit. In fact, try minimalism.

>>18258352

Love you too bruh <3

>>18258247

You broke up with me, asshole. Get the fuck over it. I blocked you because during the whole relationship, you were an abusive cunt who said all the wrong things to someone with clinical depression and then went psycho for no reason in the breakup. You lied that I said all that shit about you as if that would have somehow been easier than just saying what was actually wrong. You me through hell the night before a fucking workday. You have any idea how hard it is to quietly deal with a breakup in an open concept office? Fuck you. Fuck your backwards attitudes towards mental health. Fuck the way you blame everyone but yourself for sabotaging your own relationships. Fuck everything about you.

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I am a programmer and am employed but I also enjoy working on an open source project in my free time. now it turns out the "leader" of this open source project is a fucking retard IMO (he was hired 2 years ago, after the projects original designers left, and he is completely incompetent and gets paid tons of money to be a fucking retard). The things that he is working on are fucking worthless IMO, and meanwhile won't accept pull requests, wont release new versions of the software in over a year, wont take advice from me, and makes shitty fucking code patches at 3am that I have to tell him that it's fucking wrong and causes it to crash and how to fix it. This guy is fucking 50 years old and codes like a baby.

Anyways, I framed this kind of as my own adv thread to see if someone wants to tell me some advice about the situation, but I think I just wanted to bitch about it and get off my chest so there

I'm a useless lazy piece of shit who has no motivation, who doesn't know what he wants out of life and who's probably gonna drop out of uni because his grades are shit. I just wasted one year of my life.

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About 3-5 times a week, I get these weird mood spells that feels like a mixture of sadness and anxiety and I can't think properly. It usually has some sort of trigger, like it happened today in psychology when my professor was showing us a video with mentally ill people going in and out of prisons. I went through a really bad mentally ill period (just severe anxiety) and barely left the house for 5 years. For some reason, it caused one of those mood spells where I couldn't think straight, I was upset, and a little anxious at the same time. My mind feels all disorganized.
I usually calm down after 30 minutes or so and feel fine afterwards.

Does anyone else get these? I'm pretty autistic when it comes to emotions.

I made booty gains and guys at my gym are being nice to me and approaching me now. This would normally make me feel good but I just want to be alone for a while to figure my heart out.....

T-b-h fampai I just want to peg these Beef McLargehuge's and ghost them... :(

I'm conflicted because this girl and I have been talking about getting married for over a year now but also she converted to Mormonism a while back. We were talking last night and she wants me to get married to her in the temple.

Now, I don't even know if I believe in God, but I've read a lot about the LDS church since she converted, and I can't buy it at all. I love this woman, I want to have a family with her, but doing that and being a practicing Mormon would require me to lead a double life and publicly believe things that I think are silly. Now, it doesn't seem like she totally believes everything the LDS church says, but she gets something out of it, and I guess that's good if it works for her, but I just don't want to join a religion I don't agree with. I'd have a worse conscience about it than if I just remained an atheist, because I'm telling you now, nobody is going to make me give up alcohol, coffee, and premarital sex, and I'm just gonna hide that I partake in these things like she does. Yet, despite the fact that she doesn't believe in or follow all of it, this temple wedding thing seems to be really important to her, and I don't wanna deny her it. She's said she doesn't care if I believe everything or not.

I dunno, would it be worth it to put aside my reservations about the whole thing and be a crypto-atheist for the sake of my future spouse's appearances like probably millions of other people? I feel like I'm subverting my values because I don't like religious institutions and I'd prefer to not be involved in them. But simultaneously I can see myself ultimately putting my fedora on the hat rack so to speak because having a family with this woman is the most important goal in my life now.

>>18258599
Why don't you fork it and build your own code base

So all these sonic references.

"Gotta go fast" is what you're telling me. To fuck them hard and fast. You guys really are trying to teach me how to have sex in the worst possible ways. Of fucking course I know these things already...

But you realize I haven't had sex in like... 2 years right? The next time I fuck I will last about 2 fucking minutes. Plus I have to fight the anxiety and stress of being filmed...

I really need hands on experience and practice. All your little hints are worthless and pretty much everyone knows these things.

>>18258676
As a side note, I almost wish I could direct my girlfriend to a more milquetoast variety of protestant Christianity, because I think I'd have a much easier time fitting in there. Just the idea of sitting through three hour church services, doing all sorts of community activities, and having to accept a new religious scripture that was written in the 1800's really doesn't appeal to my sensibilities. Can we just be fucking Presbyterians or Methodists or something? Shit, man. I'd be much more willing with that.

I still think about you sometimes. That's the only time I visit this site anymore. And everytime it happens, I want to throw up. You disgust me, you're a horrible person, you're the worst. I'm happier right now than I ever was with you.

Please let this be the last time I remember disappointing you all the time. Please let all the memories of you disappear for good.

>>18258698
also now you guys have me all freaked out about getting STDs or worse... me giving someone an STD.

Like, purple has AIDS, right? So that takes out oral, right? How does anal make this any better? Wouldn't that be the same fucking risk as regular sex?

What if I have STDs?

I wish you would just fucking talk to me straight.

>>18258145
....what makes you think I want to hear from you in the first place?

>>18258723
Dude, you need to be careful. Don't have sex with someone who has AIDS. Just don't fucking do it. It's not worth it. Get yourself tested and demand that anyone you have sex with get tested as well. It will take longer and be more of a hassle, but it's worth it to keep yourself healthy. Alternatively, use condoms and dental dams, and DO YOUR RESEARCH to get something that won't rip, but honestly I wouldn't fucking risk that shit.

I wish you would tell me if you care about me and if I mean something to you. But I can't force you to feel something you don't. It'd be nice if you could be communicative.

>>18258702
Then why come here, tf? If someone is trying to get away from you, why come looking for them? It's going to cause problems.

I really wish the ambiguity would end. You're my girlfriend, but you don't act like it very much. In private, you seem to like me a lot, but everything we do sexually is one-sided and it's frustrating as fuck. Why can we only do the things you want to do? What about what I want to do? This extends to how we interact in public. You've only once vaguely referred to yourself as my girlfriend, and have never called me your boyfriend. You also do stuff like stop me from holding your hand in public or whatever, but you always jump to hold the hand of one of our mutual friends. Like, hello, we're in a relationship, so why do you treat me like this? Thankfully, I am also close with that friend and I know that nothing is going on between you two. I know you've known him for longer and are more comfortable with him, but that shit hurts.

Not that you treat me completely terribly, but I want to feel like you love me back instead of feeling like I'm dating someone who is just a FWB or some shit like that. I want to tell you all of this, but I'm terrified that you're going to confirm that you don't actually feel as strongly about this as I do, and that's breakup city right there. I've been trying to be alone with you for several days so that we can maybe talk about stuff, but you keep inviting others, and that also blows chunks. I'm just kinda going crazy over here, lol.

for the past 18 years i've been nothing but a parasite to my family. i've never been able to give them any financial return, even though i know how could i try to do it. i know how to produce electronic music and i know who i should talk to, but they just won't let me because "i need to study". now, i know how to policy myself on this, and i've never had a grade below 8/10 in the past 6 years despite changing schools oftenly.

i'm tired of this. i don't want to look like a revolt kid in 4chan, but apparently that's the only thing i'm worth for atm.

oh, i never had a girfriend, but that's quite obvious

>>18258180
Initials?

>>18258682
Interesting idea. The ideal case is they would work with me and I'd work with them perhaps, but doing this could be less stressful for me

We've lived together for 4+ years now. You moved here from Vermont to be with me. You don't know anyone here. You want to get out of this apartment and get a house together and get a dog with me.
But I like having the place to myself. I enjoy doing nothing but playing on the Internet, playing video games, talking to friends, shout gibberish because Im so lolrandumb. I actually get bummed when that time ends when you get home from work. The job that you took time to pursue just to have money to be with me.
I know you hate this town I lived in all my life. Everyone is a shitty driver, a trump supporter, racist, fat, and it bothers you often. Meanwhile, these things don't bother me, but your complaining about it makes me think that you're negative. I believe you to be a negative person.
You always want to do stuff with me, but I don't want to do stuff with you. I'm giddy when I have alone time.
I think breaking up with you would be the best thing, but you're in love with me and I don't think I do.

>>18257854
I fucking worked for you loyally for a year and a half and all it takes is some manager secretarial bitch to bring it into your head that I am not worth it and you should get rid of me even though I know you will not find a good tech as skilled as I for a very very long time.

AD
You'll hopefully never read this, but tonight was nice. It was nice, for a moment, knowing the comfort of your acquaintance. There is a rush of emotions that comes with saying goodbye to you. This year has been lonely. It has seen the decline and death of most of my relationships from the past twenty years. You were different. We got so close to knowing one another, but time was not on our side. We were too late.
I am proud of myself for not giving up. It was a learning experience. I guess that's what we have to treat these like, right? You were "training" and "practice" for what the future has in store.
But you are so much more than that. It aches to reach for a cloud, and to feel it, if only for a moment, between my fingers, only to have it pass on.
You have a great life ahead of you. I would die to be a part of it, but for now I say goodbye.
So, thank you.
Thank you for giving me feelings of hope and joy, even if only for a little while.
I'll be here.

I don't know why
But I love you so much
The only thing is that
I'm not sure how to do this
The voice inside my head says
I should do this but
I'm afraid of failure
I can't help it that
I feel like this
I wish you could see
How I feel about you

It's both painful and nice when an extremely attractive extroverted girl always chats with you. You know that you still mean very little to them even though they talk to you all the time, but just getting attention is nice every now and then.

My fathers a narcissistic jackass that believes living in the 4th most expensive city on earth is "easy".
He's a trust fund kid and I am not, go figure.

I will never, ever be able to really truly acknowledge the fact I am intimidating as fuck. That I make people nervous just by being in the same area as they are.

Am I really a celebrity? Really? Is this why the girls at Parkview acted like they had a gun to their heads? Or why when I go to dairy queen all the girls rush out of the back to whisper to one another and giggle?

Life got fucking weird.

>>18257854
I quit smoking three days ago and I'm not sure if I should continue trying to quit because I feel like I'm just going to kill myself anyway.

I realised the other day that I forgot the difference between the feeling of relief and happiness, I can't remember the last time I felt true happiness.

Everyone tells me that life gets better if I just stick with it but some days I don't think I can.

>>18259217
Be above it

If I weren't such a p ussy, I'd be in the ground. Maybe it would be best.

>>18259226
Do you think you're a pussy because you haven't killed yourself yet?

Have you considered that maybe you haven't killed yourself because there's part of you that wants to fight against the way you feel, a part of you that wants to try and be different and get through this rather than roll over and let yourself drown?

There is no way Kitty Bunny has a penis. No way. Also no way Russian Kitty has one either.

So who... who the fuck has the dick? Is it Rabbit/? LM?

I'm super confused.

>>18257854
My husband is being really lazy and selfish. He says he's depressed but I feel like it's just a cop out. All of the pressure is on me and he dosen't help with anything. His whole family babies the shot out of him and acts like I'm a horrible person. Idk what to do. It's so much pressure to provide for everyone and then to have him act like it's still not enough. I work full time all the time. Get up every morning before the suns up. Take care of our kids, do all the house work, pay all the bills. I do everything. I don't see why he can't step up and work too. I'm 6 months pregnant and can do it, why can't he. I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough for any of them.

everything is really dumb

Maybe being alone is good for me. As much as I enjoy being around people, they stress me the fuck out. I kind of wish my old friends would still talk to me, but it's been long enough with some of them that I should probably just let go. But I don't want to. I want to go back to the chill days, the times where I felt like I was part of the group. I don't care if I can't handle myself the way they can, or that I don't have half the confidence any of them do. I just want to be part of the group again. It's my fault for never talking to anyone, but I can't help being bitter that they seem to have all but forgotten that I exist. Maybe it's just who I am. I'm not meant to be around people the way everyone else is. I'm not meant to belong. Half of me says so what, just go out and make an effort for once, half of me says it isn't even worth the effort. I dunno man. I just don't like being sad all the time, but I don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to fix that, or if having friends will even help. I'm so fucking lonely and it's my fucking fault but I can't fucking fix it until I fix my fucking anxiety issues which stem from the fact that most people don't fucking like me. And what the fuck am I supposed to do about that? I make every effort to be a nice fucking person, and I'm too fucking stubborn to change anyway. What more do people want from me?

Fuck.

I'm still finding this so incredibly unbelievable. Is it possible that my family secretly has a shit ton of money? And they hired some kind of ARG studio in order to "cure" my depression?

How much would something like this cost? To fund movies, fashion lines, youtube videos, hundreds of music videos, teams of psychiatrists, hospital facilities, hackers with surveillance, real-world alterations (like fake fog, rain, lighting and thunder), TV-shows, commercials, Superbowl Half-time show, timing of things on the radio and TV, flying in my friends from around the world, and...

Holy shit this is actually real. They would have to spend billions in order for that to happen...

What the fuck am I?

Oh god what is going on?

Im afraid to take the first step into a real job after college. Although I am not afraid of interviews, I feel like doing this will sign my life away to a 9 to 5 experience where I get home and am too tired to enjoy doing anything besides going back to sleep to do it all over again. I don't want to be a useless neet any more, but I also don't want to sign up for slave labor.

>>18259360
I was scared of getting a job after college. I had an unpaid internship at an aquarium, and it was awesome. I now have a job where I'm studying birds and frogs, and the hours are long, but it's very satisfying work

So is the FBI going to give me self defense classes or what? What about a CWC?

I'm going to be a target, that's for sure. Will I even be able to go anywhere without protection? Guards?

What's the deal with all the references to snipers? To Kennedy? Was someone shot? Am I going to be killed by a shooter later in life?

>>18259360
This is my life only I didn't get to go to collage so I work all the time and don't make shit. Find something you can at least stand doing. Try not to get roped into 50 hour weeks. You will get burnt out and hate your life.

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I use these ladies as reference all the time. They are the prettiest girls in the worlddddd.

I didn't include people I know personally though, except M. Because... it's fucking M, my forever crush.

My mother emotionally and sexually abused me. My whole family (besides my mother) has already apologized to me about tolerating and assisting my mother in the emotional abuse. I told my sister one time about the sexual abuse, when she was so drunk that she literally couldn't even stand up or walk, I had to carry her to bed. I'm a somewhat chubby (almost in the overweight category of BMI) boring girl and I would be too embarassed to even go to a therapist about it because my mother always told me how disgusting and filthy and fat I am and I feel like anyone I told would feel more repulsed about her touching *me* than anything else and not believe me because of how gross I am. I feel so alone.

>>18259450
I also feel mixed up, because I know that my mother's father sexually abused her. She broke off with her whole family after I asked her, I think I was eight, why grandpa always put his hands in my underwear when he took me to the store for soda. And she broke off with her family just to fucking sexually abuse me herself later on in life??? She has major mental issues and I feel like I'm evil sometimes for not trying to make her life good because what if her mental issues were just so much that they overrode her better nature and that's the only reason she started touching me? What if *I'm* being a bad daughter to her just because she's menally ill?

>>18258702
I think about you too.

I don't want to let any pain change me. I don't ever want to become something I hate. I don't want to hurt people the way I've been hurt. I want to be the one who is still kindhearted. The one who is still willing to give my trust. The one who still manages to see beauty in everything. The one who still has endless love, even for those who haven't been as kind.

I want to be the one who gives people hope. Hope that there are still people worth loving, that there is good in humans. I want to show people how to forgive. Because this world needs less walls and more love. We must tear down our insecurities and open up to each other. Love like we've never loved before. Laugh like we have no more worries. Dream like anything is possible. Because if you're brave enough, you can have everything you've ever wanted. You can be happy. You can learn to love yourself. And, you can see the beauty in every moment.

I hope one day, people can see what I see in the world. That they can truly love and appreciate everything, including the setbacks. Because everything happens for a reason. And you will never stop growing. And life is worth living.

>>18259481
But she also claims that she can't recall the sexual abuse, she just knows that it happened because of her personality nowadays, and because she knows that her father sexually abused me. She said that she has "recovered memories" and I just googled that a few weeks ago and it sounds like bullshit. A huge thing for her, with her personality disorder, is that she makes every wrong thing in the world about her. I told her one day that I was sad for my friend whose father had just died, and she FURIOUSLY snapped back "well at least she had a father! one who didn't rape her!" and started pacing and then threw out everyone's personal belongings that weren't in their room lol. Meanwhile, you know, she doesn't even remember him raping her, she just assumes that it happened because she ended up fucked up..... and she always threw in my face how much I should pity her for, assumedly, being sexually abused by him, but she *never* *ever* supported *me* whatsoever even though I fucking ***know*** and ***vividly*** remember things that he did to me. All she did was tell me how gross I am. So who knows whether her whole sexual abuse story was also just another narrative to make everything about her and get everyone's fucking pity.

>>18257918
I'm proud of you

>>18257854

I wanna quit college. I have no idea what I want to do with my life and I hate the work I have to do, the arguments I have with my parents, and my lack of freedom. I gonna snap soon if I don't do anything. I would have joined the military months ago, but I have an unwaiverable medical condition which prevents me from doing so.

>>18259509
Get out of there. That whole environment sounds highly toxic. Have a plan, but get out of there however you can. The best option would probably be staying with a friend you trust. Then tell the police. You're absolutely not gross, you're a person with real value just like anyone else, and I want you to find happiness, because you deserve it.

>>18259505
You're a good person. I wish there were more people like you in the world.

>>18259310
Do the thing

I believe in you

>>18259247
Look, you're already carrying his sorry ass along with yourself and your family, so if he doesn't want to shape up, that's 100% on him, and I don't see why any of his problems are your fault. Tell him to talk to you or go see a fucking therapist or get a fucking hobby if he's so depressed. I've got depression. It fucking sucks, and it makes it hard to do shit, but ultimately that's on him for not doing anything to fix it and expecting you to keep everything afloat while he wallows in self pity.

>>18258604
See >>18259572

Kind of asking more just need to say it
I recently got into my first "serious" relationship and the actual genuine connection I feel with this person (my others were pretty much all for sex closer to fuckbuddies than anything) but I feel so close to her and im constantly worried about what's gonna happen if I lose her. I probably think about it like twice a day but it lingers around in my mind once I do.
I see all these sob stories and shit all over the place and they terrify me because I know if she dies in gonna end up going with her voluntarily.

Are these normal thoughts to be having as often as I have them?

>>18259641
Just enjoy the moment, man, don't worry about what *might* happen because in all probability, nothing like you're thinking will happen. Sob stories are just that, and should not be a reference to reality.

I've died twice already against my will, but you dare take my family members away from me? I'm right here, ready for round three you coward.

>>18259650
Thanks dud, I feel like I worry too much. And yeah I try not to but it's an ldr so I haven't even gotten to hold her yet.

I was a virgin before my bf and I struggle with getting over his sexual past. It causes me to feel a surge of adrenaline through my veins and light headedness. I don't know how to make it stop because I know sex is normal and it's healthy, but for some reason the thought of him just makes me so upset.

hey so you need to stop mentioning me to your girlfriends. they wouldn't flip out about me if you weren't mentioning me at some point. i guess you're still in love with me?? like, fine, but when I have to hear about shit that goes down and you're being accused of texting me or whatever, it's gotten to a point it shouldn't.

besides, we broke up over six years ago, I haven't spoken to you in like two years, and I don't know, what the fuck is this shit, bud?

I love you, and love is such a stupid frame of mind. I hate this, and hate is too strong a word to describe how I feel, and it isn't kind to your memory. Apathetic isn't what I want to be, but I don't know what other way to see my life and not feel so deeply hopeless. Morose but detached, empty for defense of thoughtless actions and nonsense verses. You were my everything, you *are* my purpose, and I find myself rather conflicted. You've left me, and now I wonder just how much you want to see me. I miss you so much I lie awake at night and stare out the window all day until I pass out and find myself holding the razor you left me as a parting gift. I'm pathetic, but I guess I was never pitiful enough to convince you to stay with me. It's been three years since you killed yourself, I'm not over it, I never will be, I just want to see you again, I just want to hear you again. Please, I can't do it, I can't put my family through that. You weren't heartless, but you were lost, I thought we could lead each other through this life, but I guess we were just two blind mice. It's always harder before the summer, so I'm here on adv, you laughed at me when I told you that's where I spent my time. I haven't touched a needle since you left, but I hold onto that razor so hard sometimes my palms bleed. It's the last thing you held, I hate it for taking you away from me, but its all I have left of you. I probably shouldn't even post this, but it hurts so much tonight I don't care. I just want to see you again, please

Getting it off my chest because it looked stupid asf in writing....

It's nice to have someone to come home to. Someone who compliments how lovely the house looks. Someone who enjoys the food you cook for them, and them cooking with you occasionally. Someone appreciating the notes you leave for them and the pictures you draw them. Someone who goes out of their way to make you their player 2. Someone to spend time with and share hobbies with. Someone who wants to make memories with you.

I'm glad I came back. I'm glad you asked me out. I'm sorry someone from my past still lingers and stalks me online; I thank you for being so understanding. Thank you for spotting me on bench, and on squats, and helping me to correct my form [even though I can sperg out about it]. Thank you for reading to me every night. Thank you for giving me space when I ask for it. Thank you for telling me how lovely I look despite the marks on my body I cannot change. You never become angry with me and it hasn't gone unnoticed.

Your patience keeps me around, your smile, your laugh, your genuine kindness and unconditional love towards me. I'm just sorry I haven't been able to be more open with you in regards to relations and my emotions. I'm very glad your parent's love me and never brought up my marks in a negative light like the other's, and I fucking adore how they support and encourage my yandere behaviors, especially your dad. You're a great guy and human being, they raised a wonderful son.

I'm so pissed at the hospital for discharging me thinking it was dehydration when I was actually going into heart failure again. The paramedics and firemen in my city are tired of their jobs and take it out on patients, it's not hard to tell they are. Glad I'm moving out of the city.

>>18257950
Beta orbiter detected

>>18258007
My boyfriemd is like you. Its just annoying having someone hang off of you all day everyday. Girls are supposed to be the emotional ones that hang off of you. If youre bigger than her and trying to lay on her constantly it could also be causing her physical pain.

>>18258726
because we are meant for eachother and I've been a good girl lately.

>>18257950
>>18259870
beta obiter CONFIRMED

>>18259942
That's what you said last time

>>18258726
>ya man shes been a good girl. why dont you give her some dick as a nice treat :>

Just relax.
Whatever failures you seem to mull over each and every day, don't worry. You'll improve and actually do something this time, and you'll feel proud.
Just focus. I don't want you to revert back to that hallow shell you were before.
I believe in you.

I´ve been having this strange feeling that someone is ordering me to do bad things (start a shooting, kill or eat somene). I also start hearing voices and seeing things, like if i can´t control my thoughts. My psychiatrist told that it´s some kind of psychosis. I´m a student in psychology, if they found that I been having psychotic breakdowns, I would be forced to leave collegue.

>>18260003
Wtf

>>18259991
I believe in you too

>>18259950
my progress is slow but I'll get there

I smoked weed with my friend tonight and I forgot what a pleasure it was too be with him.

That being said my room still smells vaugely of weed and tobacco and I've got like 7 air fresheners on blast

Sempre te amei
Amo-te, desde a primeira vez que te olhei
Eu só quero mesmo que corra tudo bem
Foda-se, Xuau C
Vamos ser gordos e felizes juntos

>>18260038
Mesmo

I would much rather die than become who I am becoming. You had no reason to violate me.

>>18260003
How often do you browse 4chan? How many real friends do you have, and how many sources of non-fucked up inspiration do you have?

I'm a total failure, I have two finals coming up in three days and here I am at 4:23 AM, wasting my time and days on 4chan and the internet, mindlessly entertaining myself and giving up to instant gratification. This is why I'll never succeed. I let other people make decisions for me, I don't act like people have expected me to act when I was born. I'm miserable everyday with no friends, I hate my life everyday. I have no money and a job. In a week, I'll be forced to work with my dad 14 hours a day and I don't fucking feel like it. I do want a job though, I've just been procrastinating about the search because of my fear of rejection. I'm not where I'm supposed and I don't know what to do. I've watched countless hours of videos of youtube, everyday I go on adv and r9k looking for answers. I do find answers on youtube, adv and r9k bit everything just seems so draining. I could watch youtube, adv, r9k and I would lose 10 hours of my life there. I just don't know, I feel hopeless. I wish I could leave my home and get my shit together alone without anybody bothering me. Shit sucks

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whyre you all so hostile? whyre you all so tense? why does everyone let it get to them?

I probably fucked it up but I got tired of this "go away but come back" little game. I just wanted a friends with benefits thing but you had to come up with feelings and get scared. Now i'll have to find another chick to bang.
Man, fuck women and their indecisiveness

>>18260097
I don't browse 4chan so often. I don´t have many real friends. And i try not to see many fucked up inspiration sources

Get your CDL you fucking bitch!

I'm so fucking lonely. Me and my girlfriend just broke up and all my friends are moving away. I don't know what to do, I can't sleep because the sadness is so compounding.

I feel so alone. I don't want to be around anyone anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do.

>>18260197
Hang in there, Anon.

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I just moved to Italy without being able to speak a word of Italian.
Somehow my dad's ex girlfriend lives in the same area.
She has confided in me that my dad's worried why I haven't had a girlfriend in over 5+ years.
In response to not wanting to disappointed my dad, I been trying to use Okcupid, Plenty Of Fish, Bumble, and Tinder to meet up with girls.
No luck. I'm boring as fuck and I don't want to be that guy.
I don't want to be alone but fuck my life I don't know how to date at the age of 30. I don't think I'm bad looking but I'm just boring as fuck

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>>18257854

>1) I'm in love with my best friend who's a lesbian. She's been the biggest influence of my life and no one comes close. I fucking hate her for all the horrible shit that she's done to me. But at the same time, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have matured and become so in love the outdoors and harden. We're going to San Diego this weekend for their birthday so we can get drunk and go dancing. She doesn't have any real friends.
>I do this to myself
>2) I ended up getting tipsy after work last night with some old bros and missed my gym schedule and cheated my diet by eating peanut butter and a small frozen pizza. Fucking hate myself. I've lost 16 pounds in 2 weeks and I'm fucking it up due to my attraction to alcohol.
>I also do this to myself

I am a loser who can do nothing better with her life then leeching off her husband. I can't figure out what I want to do with my life and I'm a shit housewife. I hate myself and I hate my life.

>>18260301
How long have you been doing/feeling this for?

J
I want to become friends with you and also worship your cock and asshole, but i am too autistic to say anything to you let alone look you in the eye

>>18260363
I have thirsts, too.
I want to admire that ass, but I'm also too autistic to do anything.

Life is agony.

>>18260363
>>18260375
I'm a female J, feel free to 'mire and worship my ass anytime.

>>18260392
can you be a cute asian boy for me?

>>18258699
Well I'm sleeping with a married Mormon who also leads a double life because his break away from the church would effecrivrly ruin his life as would a divorce.
He doesn't seem very happy. Decide if your happiness or hers comes first.
Sometimes you're not fundamentally compatible..sometimes you can live with your decisions.
If not once you're 30 you can fuck a 23 year old Hispanic 8/10 / be her sugar daddy for your kicks. Up to you.

I feel like i dont know anything. I feel so stupid.
I really hope that exam goes well.. thats all i ask.

My life is like being dead. Same boring routine every day. No accomplishment. Feel so low inside. And I tire so easily. I'm old, so probably that's why. I think of suicide every day. But that would hurt people. I'm tired...going to sleep. Fuck it all

>>18260197
>I'm so fucking lonely.
Come back once you start hearing voices in your head.

>>18257854
I can't even take myself seriously now.

Girl I'm seeing wants me to be more open with her, we had a sorta serious discussion about it, said that I care about her and appreciate her looking out as much as I do for her, she called me Sunday night late to talk but I was sleeping, and now she's been sorta quiet lately. She appears to be going out with her friends which is fine but doesn't seem to want to talk much. Somethings up.

Is this possible to repair? It has to be I don't think I fucked up.

when I was a sophomore in high school I use to tutor students in middle school as a way to make a little money.
I had one student she was in the 8th grade and she was hot.
At the end of the school year I took a chance and told her how attracted I was to her and I wanted to smash.

I told her I would wait until she officially started high school after the summer was over.
She said she wanted a relationship with me and I told her we could date over the summer just to spend more time together. She agreed

During summer we had small dates. Swimming at her house, movies, going to eat. Really building a relationship.

The next year started and she told me we could finally do it. I waited until a day my house was empty and brought her over.

I smashed like there was no tomorrow.
10/10
We did it 2 more time after that

Then a week later I broke up with here

idk what your problem is but i'd like you to leave me alone. we're not friends, we're not going to be friends, we're in completely different spheres of life. I'm an introverted student and you're a party girl. we have nothing in common so stop trying to force interaction and let me work in peace. stop hanging around me, stop talking to me. please

nothing hurts like realising how draining i really find my fantasy life and that i could never maintain the upkeep without crushing under pressure, despite how often i tell myself it should be the real life that i lead
i'm just so deeply shitty and insecure and i want it all to go away

I'm so tired of being lonely. I've only had one actual friend in my life, and it was a long-distance thing and she stopped talking to me a long time ago.
My first year of college is almost over, and I still don't have a single friend. It's my birthday today, but nobody knows. Why is making friends so damn hard for me? I quickly lose interest in people who do talk to me as most of the time we are extremely different, and anybody I do find interesting I quickly pull back and close myself off. Understandably, they don't really press to become my friend.

I've always wanted a girlfriend as that is the fastest way to patch up my loneliness, but I know that it doesn't solve the underlying problem. Besides, how can I get a girlfriend if I don't even talk to anyone?

I don't want to hurt anyone
and I don't want to be hurt anymore

I want to die or disappear

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Fuck it, why would i go to a psychologist if people who are suffering way more than me don't

i don't have the right to complain, i'm a middle class white boy who travelled around the world and knows what suffering really is about

but still, it fucking hurts

i'm garbage

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Some days I can't stop thinking about you. Others go by without too much of the thoughts. A rare few I smile at the memories of your smile and the way you would nervously giggle when I started at you.
It's been months since we broke up. I still miss you. You weakly respond to my messages and I try not to show how much I miss you in mine. I am clinging to nothing it seems.

I need to let go. I don't know why you won't tell me what you want from me now. I want to be with you, work things out and try again. You know this. Yet, you don't give me chance for us to talk or meet. You go quiet for days and then just pepper in a single reply. That you're sorry for not replying or that you feel bad about how you have been treating me. Yet nothing changes. Like a donkey following the carrot on the stick.

Im growing tired of being treated like this. I know I made mistakes, but I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Maybe you don't know what you want. Maybe you are still hurt from our break up. I don't know as you won't communicate with me. Why would you? I'm just your ex now. This is no way to live.

Still, I fucked up by letting my depression and apathy win. And, I heard e trying to deal with all this without you. Not easy, but I have seen a lot of my past mistakes. Hindsight 20/20 I guess.

I can't keep the bonfire lit on just the memories we shared. I have to start moving or risk getting caught in cold darkness.

>>18260802
You know what I looking for something like a pen friend well not exacly but I don't know leave an email or something if you wish to, maybe we could help eachother out, if not well, nothing to lose.

im fucking done being depressed and schizo and all that fucking shit. I get so irritated and full of rage that i might murder someone one day. I dont want to kill, w/e is wrong with me please leave me alone, or i kill you mr brain :D

>>18260890
I'd like to have irl friends, personally. Thank you, though. I appreciate the offer.

>>18258180
if she is in depression, all she needs is someone to trust. Dont fuck it up, do something once that will get her guard up and youre done, she will never let her guard down, good luck mate

>>18258266
you know how life goes?
a step you take today affects tomorrow a little bit, but it will affect 15 years into the future much much heavier. What am i trying to say? You already fucked it up, otherwise you wouldnt be 30, married, unhappy and in love with someone else. Enjoy life while it lasts, you might consider suicide by your 45. Squeeze the little bits of fun out of life, become a slut, become a gold digger
:Dsex

>>18258298
fcking contact me then nigger. I have been there, on my way to climb out though. Let me give you a hand <3

>>18258429
I am there, my whole life i have been a support. Supported every fucking one, build lifes up, gave people fucking uni degrees, helped people get a future, people that went towards suicide turned into confident people. I helped literally everyone that ever said hi to me.
And now im here, shizophrenia eating me from the inside, all i want is love, but i gave up on that. I always wanted to join the special forces to die with a cause, to die and help once more. But i have helped my mom a lot too, and she already cried when i mentioned special forces. Probably the day my mom passes away will be the day i take my life :D

>>18260210
i know what youre gonna do, youre gonna email your steam contact to [email protected] and im gonna give you some love mate <3

>>18260890
>>18260920
mail me mate

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Never reveal anything about your personal life, be it a girlfriend, salary, your plans, what-fucking-ever. Always give false information, in real life, in the Internet, wherever.

I have had a mild depression and feeling of loneliness. Somewhat I made it through and become a huge "normie" as you would say. It's disgusting. People are fucking trash, and yes, I tip my fedora. I heard people gossiping about other people who are considered "weird", I heard how people wanted to mooch off a guy who was somewhat rich, I heard guys referred to my friend's girlfriend as "oh that fat whore" and greet him with unconcealed, barefaced chuckle the next day. One particular guy suddenly wanted to get into my house as soon as he discovered that I live alone.

I want to kill myself. Grass is always fucking greener.

>>18260993
Thanks man, you made me feel better about being friendless. Sure, there are nice people out there, but there are also a lot of dicks and I'm glad that at least I don't have dicks in my life.

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>>18261004
It's a blessing, man. It's a fucking blessing. This is hard to comprehend. Nobody would care about you but your parents. I basically cut down my social life to "hi, how are you" recently. People shared secrets to me, but I never revealed anything no matter how fucked up they are.

Don't give up and try to develop a deep friendship. However, don't expect anything. Be cunning and careful.

>>18260926
Ok in 4-5 hours I will

The other night I had a dream where I got this girl's number. It was this girl I met a couple years ago who I had an amazing time with for about a week, and then I sperged it up and she kicked me to the curb. I couldn't believe it, it was like a turning point in my life. And then I woke up and got sad.

Later I found her instagram cause that's not weird, right, and she has this boyfriend. I guess this is really judgmental, but seeing this guy makes me really sad because he's pretty big and neckbeardy, and it makes me feel like I really messed up a serious shot at this girl, who I really felt was more compatible with me than I could've even envisioned.

And I know, a girl I knew for a week a couple years ago? Yes. That's how difficult it's been to find someone I really like and who really likes me. I blew it pretty fucking hard.

Stop messaging my boyfriend. Please just stop interfering with our relationship. I know you're still inlove with him, I know he's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, but he's with me now, by his own choice, and you HAVE to find a way to fucking respect that. Your incessant messaging and telling him how much you miss him isn't going to change that, nor is you coming here going to change that. If he wanted to be with you I would back off, I wouldn't linger on like a fucking leech.

I don't care about your regrets, I don't care about how sad you are, you're not the only one who's ever been through heartbreak.

How much longer is this going to go on for?

>>18260993
Hey dude, you can find worthy people, it's not all dark out there. You just need to get away from shitty people since they attract shitty people. So what I do is easy, if I catch a friend trash talking? I keep contact to the bare minimum. At least give them a chance, you can then drop them as soon as they mess up.

>>18261217
Tell her that, bitchtits

>>18260270
Dude 16 pounds in two weeks is no fucking joke, you're kicking ass. There are people who would kill for that kind of discipline. Don't worry about that too much, just get back on it. You're a winner, know that.

>>18258506
I can only hope you come to realize many of your points are wrong and that you find it in your heart to forgive me for my actual mistakes, as I've forgiven you.
For the last time, I apologize for putting you through so many hardships.
You were the most important person to me, and you're still quite up in the list despite us not having contact anymore.
If hating me or feeling this about me is what you need to move on, so be it. I'll take this anytime if it means you're feeling better instead of being in pain. Your well-being has always been, and still is, my priority.
If this was really you and you're interested in clearing some misconceptions up, please do contact me. And if you don't want to, I wish you nothing but the best.

>>18261242
Weak bait

>>18261227
I don't personally know her, and my boyfriend would potentially flip if I did send her a message.

Like the fuck do I do at this point.

>>18259505
I'm trying to be the good person to everyone, can be pretty god damn hard some times tho.

>>18261248
Send her a message? He doesn't have to know and it's not like he's going to take her word for it. Woman up, that's your man.

>>18261248
>my boyfriend would potentially flip if I did send her a message.
Red flag

>>18261255
>>18261253

I made a joke about doing it once and he said "you wouldn't, you're not that type of girl"

She'll definitely blab, printscreen and victimize herself. She's a delicate flower playing on the guilt trip my boyfriend feels for breaking her when he dumped her.

How is it a red flag?

>>18261244
Not sure what you mean, but alright?

>>18260883
Go to one, if you really need it and the put up the advice you are given on here.

>>18259505
I want to be like you

>>18261260
Then talk to him. Tell him you're feeling disrespected, it's not some harmless chit chat, it's fucking "I miss you" and I don't know what else, tell him that she needs to back off. He wouldn't be okay with your beta ex messaging you daily saying how much he misses your hugs, would he?

>>18261260
Have you told him it makes you uncomfortable? If you did and he refused to block her and do something about the matter AND would still think less of you for messaging her... that means he doesn't give a shit about your feelings. If he still feels guilty enough to let it disturb his current relationship, he still has some attachment to her, even if he wouldn't be willing to go back to her it still means he's not serious.

Just... a major fucking red flag. Do you not see it?

I hate that I feel like I've hurt you and can't stop. I want you to be happy, with or without me.

Oh and you are my favorite. Like best thing to have happened to me in a long time. Thank you.

>>18261296
>>18261301

I feel like a little bitch typing this out, im not usually like this.

We have talked about it, and fought about it, and he says he understands how I feel but aside from blocking her he doesn't know what else to do. And he's afraid to do it because she'll probably harm herself if he does. He very barely responds and tells her that she can't keep writing to him and needs to move on. After a particularly nasty fight between us he said he would block her off of everything if she continued.

It is a red flag, but I don't want to fucking message her like some crazy insecure gf, I want him to take care of it on his own, it's his ex.

Am I overreacting? Should I let him take care of it on his own by fading out, like he wants to? They were together for like 8 years, so I understand that he cares about her still.

>>18261327
>like some crazy insecure gf
It's not about insecurity, girl. She is bothering you, and even if it didn't (I'm assuming it does) make you feel insecure, it's still disrespectful as fuck and he shouldn't expect you to deal with it.

>he's afraid to do it because she'll probably harm herself if he does
Not his fucking problem. Also, that might be for the best for her too, he's allowing her to hold on to him by not blocking her. If she didn't have that, she'd need to find something else to do that might actually help her. He's unintentionally (or not...) leading her on. She has to move on, and being able to spend all her time messaging him isn't very conducive to getting over him.

And okay, you want him to take care of it himself, that's fair enough. But this is not a good situation for any of you.

You're not overreacting at all, you're his girlfriend and you have the right not to have a crazy psycho stalking your boyfriend. Let him take care of it if it's that important, but talk to him about it again, and maybe point what I said out: this is not helping her. As well intentioned as he may be, he CAN'T help her because he's the very thing that's causing her pain.

>>18260830
There's nothing wrong with accepting help from others, pal. Go ahead and see that psychologist, it'll help, even if you don't feel like you can complain. Everyone has the right to feel the way they feel, and everyone has the right to try and feel better.

>>18261357
You're completely right, thank you.
I just don't want him to feel like i forced his hand in blocking her, and then blame me when she hurts herself because of it. Guess that's whats stopping me.

A place I do work for is hiring on more people. I was already considering leaving, but I stayed because I liked some of the people. But now more people means less work, more drama, and way more work I have to do to get noticed. I'm probably going to write up my resignation now. It was a good run, I guess.

I've been feeling very conflicted latelly if I'm polyamory (Hate the term but yeah...) due to loneliness or my sexual background... Guy here btw

loneliness:
>"bullied" (another term I hate) all the way through college
>Do STEM so friends are mostly strange too and get some friends there
>Way after graduation, all friends groups seem to be dismantling
>Currently have very few friends and start coming to 4chan for company
>Father was always working during my childhood so I barelly had his attention
>Feel lonely even though I have a girlfriend of 8 years to whom I talk daily and get along really well

So I kinda feel the need to socialize more with people, but...

Sexual background
>worked in an online sex shop by the age of 15 (relative's business)
>KHV virgin until 17, first kiss with a landwhale
>First two or three girls I really liked just walked away because I admitedly was a beta cringy faggot
>First gf at 18, not great, fatty, boring, but getting dick wet
>Leaves me and gets married to a friend
>Start with second gf just two months later
>Almost 9 years toghether
>She's bi-curious so we have 4 threesomes from the sixth year till now
>We really get attached to the last girl, but she feels confused about a threeway relationship and softly breaks up with us
>In the meantime we find out my father in law is gay, but that's cool

I feel like the loneliest fucker now like I felt when I was a teenager, but I'm totally confused on if it is due to the lack of friends, or trying to make up the lost time getting to know more women, since besides loneliness I'm kinda liberal and cool with non monogamy and kinky shit

I totally love my gf and we're not breaking up for anything, actually planning on getting maried. But right now we're totally at a loss if we got attached to that girl because we have few friends to begin with, or if we actually have a "polyamorous" potential to explore and actually want to bring another girl in...

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>>18261232
Thanks brother. Gym every day for 90 minutes and no sugar or shitty food.

Just trying to be come a baller. Thanks for your kind words!

Let's be honest. You hate women because you're a piece of shit who doesn't know how to treat them and you're upset that they won't let you have your way. Always with these misogynists their main gripe is that they want to have sex whenever they want and women won't let them. They don't want to admit that no sane woman wants to deal with a guy who thinks a relationship means he has a woman who will give him sex on demand and have no other needs of her own to fulfill. A woman who doesn't choose you isn't someone who is "incapable of making logical decisions" if she's decided to refuse something that offers no benefit towards her. Just think about that for a bit.

>>18261572
I appreciate this post

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>tfw you're not sure if you're going to be alone for along time or not

Do you even fucking give a shit?

I wanna fuck you so bad. I wanna kiss you on the lips, leave a trail of kisses through your body and down to your pussy and lick it wet. I want to feel your fingers pull my hair as I thrust my fingers inside you, lift you up and put my hard-rock cock in your wet and warm pussy and fuck you senseless. Look each other eye to eye and feel your warm breath on my face as I go harder and faster in you. I wanna feel your legs wrapped around my waist and your fingernails on my back.
I will give you my load wherever you wanted and give you a long kiss goodnight.

>>18261787
no, I don't.

In fact I want nothing more than to just fucking die already.

>>18261796
than go die pussy

>>18261793
Fuck me and give me your babies

myyyy niggaaassssss

>>18261793
>>18261821

...get a room you two!

>>18261793
My genitals have been roused

>>18257854
I'm sick of hanging around with you and wanting to love you; but you slowing down what could have been. I don't think you're half as interested in me than you've led me to believe.

I want to take you out and do all the things that your last two exes wouldn't do since they were both childish retards; and yet you try invite me into your life as a potential relationship then end up making me feel like nothing more than a friend.

Why bother kissing me? Letting me sleep with you? Why bother with any of that shit if I was just some kind of rebound or mistake, and then decide that it's just friends and to drag me along like some kind of dog?

Why do I let myself let you do this to me, it hurts me to be around you because even though I think this, I'm not even sure, I spend most my nights thinking about it and there's nothing I can do about it.

I feel like some kind of gay best friend except I've gotten there then you pushed me away to that role instead of what could have been.

Am I not good enough? Am I really that much worse than your last two exes? One dude who legit was a dickhead to you and another that was just a pussy-cunt?

I don't want this at all; I didn't think that this is what you had in mind for me at all when you led me to your room. I'm pissed, but I'm happy it happened. But at the same time, I wish it didn't since it gave me some kind of hope for us.

It wasn't just a one night dealio; even after you were over me; then you just.. stopped after we saw your piece of shit ex on the street; the dickhead one who had nothing in mind except himself.

All this money has lead to a gamling addiction.

I feel so sad at the thought of losing you as a friend, but if you don't stop with that toxic hugbox tumblr mindset of yours I might just have to sever our bridge sooner than I hoped.

Everyone else is already walking eggshells around you because none of us want to offend you. Although, it's pretty easy to avoid you because you also play up your "muh anxiety" and ignore all of our messages asking you to hang out.
Don't you see that you're slowly losing all of us? Did you start to realize that none of us gave a damn about your snowflake sexuality or how you feel about white people and decide to cut us out for that?

You weren't like this before. It wasn't all "oh finally, female superheroes!! Down with white males!! Wage gap!!" You were actually fun enough to discuss stuff that didn't pertain to the PC agenda. We could tell jokes without worrying if you were gonna pipe up about how offensive it was. You watched stuff other than things that tumblr liked.

Please, for the love of God, start thinking for yourself again.

I miss you

>>18257854
Hey, I think i might have skin cancer and i kinda don't care. I have these tanned spots on my chest and pubic area and i don't know how it got it. Probably from fucking. I'm to lazy to go for a check up so i just continue living life.

More and more this past year I've been having the desire to just die. Not because I have a bad life, I'm not depressed or anything, I just can't fucking stand the way the world is anymore. It genuinely makes me so fucking upset when I see all the awful shit in this world like racism, starvation, ignorance to global warming and hatred to people who don't deserve it along with so many more problems. Why can't everyone just respect each other? What's so fucking hard about that? I don't want to see what the world is going to be like in 10, 20, or even 30 years. The world as it is is fucking awful and I just can't stand to live in it anymore.

>>18261969
i like anime

>>18261840
Shit I'm trying lol
//
Hru, anon?

>>18261959
Tell them not 4chan

So like, you guys are still dead set on me being a pedophile? Fucking why? I don't have ANY pictures of little girl porn nor do I fucking want any.

Are you so concerned because my fans are mostly teenage girls?

The girl I find to be prettier than all others is 25 years old. That's just 5 years older than her.

Then there are girls like Mayberry who has youthful features but still you can tell for sure she is not young.

You don't have to worry about me getting in trouble with that shit.

If there is any child porn on my computer, it was planted there. I even remember seeing a post on here around the time I was pissing off Renee and James that went like "I now have enough evidence to put you two lovebirds in jail for pedophilia" Ever since I saw that post I was wondering if they meant me... because I was also getting hacked during that time.

And the people that kept calling me a pedo and misogynist... despite the fact I don't find young girls attractive or have I said anything against women. Just sounded like some faggot is butthurt and jealous.

I feel responsible for, what i can only describe as manipulation. I started telling you my thoughts as a joke, my mindset is something i've built up over the years and i never actually expected anyone to listen to it. I'm not saying i dont like it, its just strange that you're so suspectible to it; which only makes me think that this might happen to you a lot. Maybe you're gullible, maybe you're naive but most likely you are both.
I'm not mad at myself nor dissapointed in you for changing your mind so quickly, i'm just concerned i've got some sort of influence over you now, and as you might've noticed, im not exactly a good rolemodel. You started drinking because of me and smoking because of me. Neither is bad, but maybe just not your thing. I'm not telling you what to do, if you want to drink you drink, if you want a smoke you have one, just don't do it because i do. The biggest fear i have is that my behaviour rubs off on you too much, that you become overconfident; despite lacking the experience to understand it and the strength to be like me. You're untrained and almost a full foot shorter than me, and probably 60 pounds lighter. You've never had a fight before, you've never been in trouble before and the only 'bad' ergo 'criminal' person you know is me.
I already protected you once, and i hope you don't get yourself in trouble if i'm not around. I care for you, we've known each other for only a year now, but you've grown on me pretty quickly. Maybe it's a good idea that you develop some thoughts and personality on your own, just to keep people like me with worse intentions from manipulating you into doing thing's you'd never do if it wasn't for them tricking you into thinking it's alright.
Just be careful, you can't handle your own weight yet.

Fuck, man.
Feeling all kinds of feels and don't know a healthy way to handle them.
I'm gay, in the closet, in college. Broke up with 3-year closet bf about a year ago. Was having a really hard time getting over him.
This guy comes along and changes my world. I hardly ever think about my ex anymore. This new guy is everything I'd ever dreamed of. He's beautiful. His personality is so warm and comfortable to me. And, to my surprise, we actually bond.
But we never go far enough. It stays pretty much an in-class friendship. We have a few one-on-one conversations here and there, but I can never even get his number.
I don't know if he's gay, but he doesn't have a girlfriend, and FB pics never show him with any attractive women. I've dropped a few hints and he sometimes seems to pick up on them but I have no idea.
We went to an event last night, and being with him was the most comfortable feeling. The eye contact, his scent, everything was just perfect.
He kept touching my arm (in the sort of "I'm excited about something, listen to what I have to say" kind of way and we had really good conversations and I just kept falling.
And I'm still falling.
But the school year is over.
We never made it anywhere.
We'll probably never have a class together again.
He's all I want but he's gone.
Saying goodbye was like getting hit by a train. I feel out of it. I feel like I'll never get as close to something as I did with him.
I can't breathe, anons. He took the breath out of me and walked away.
I want him so bad, but I know I will never have him. I let myself believe that one day he would be mine, and here I am, alone, heart broken over a guy I never even hugged.

I cannot believe you just blew up my phone just to try and find weed, after not talking to me and excommunicating. You're probably with another guy right now doing the same exact thing you did to other guys while we were together, use them to your gain.
You are such a fucked up and twisted whore.

Does anyone have adhd, please tell me about it if you do and explain how it affects your life cos I really really really am convinced I have it, I do not want to self diagnose but I know I've had some sort of problem unlike my friends for a long time and really want to know whether I can sort it out with medicine if doctors gp give me clarification ...

Wait, did she get AIDs by sharing a needle? Really?

Also if she truly does have AIDs I'm not going to fuck her. You know what? I'm not going to fuck her on the god damn off chance that she does.

What are the references to Australia? I know of only one person from Australia and that's Ross. As for New Zealand, I know of only Jasmin.

pretty much all of this is just confusing.

I wish you would just fucking end it. I am not having fun, at fucking all. If this game is suppose to help me with early onset dementia... I would rather do crossword puzzles. Just give me the fucking truth already.

Can I tell you something?

I don't want to have sex with Iris, Renee, or Vicki. I just don't. Telling me that our relationships were completely fake is enough for me to get over it.

I told you from the fucking beginning that all I needed was the truth in order to get over this. The not knowing was the thing fucking killing me. I still want to know what the fuck happened but just knowing the little that I do is enough for me to not feel anything for them anymore.

Crazy how I know myself more than you fucking assholes know me. You could have saved me fucking months of trouble if you simply told me the truth.

Now give me my fucking medications already and tell me what the fuck is going on.

I'm fairly certain that I've irreversably destroyed the nerves in my feet for a job I was only planning to have for a month or so. Now I'm terrified I won't be able to walk without a cane or wheelchair bound by age 30

You guys took all my favorite brand of applesauce.

Why? Why do you fucking hate me so much that you had to take one of the few things I can enjoy?

I plan on doing all the fucking drugs when this is over. I'm going to use all my billions on nothing but drugs.

I plan on dying and have the only thing keeping me moving is that my blood will be 100% cocaine.

>>18262345
Why am I going to do that?

Because you guys don't want me to. Because fuck you assholes I do what I want SUCK MY DICK I'M A SHARK

>>18261990
Stop watching tv. Stop listening to NPR. Stop reading Huffpo

I wish you were just another pretty girl things didn't work out with, but you're not.

Things happened I could only describe as cosmic intervention, like the universe itself forcing me to pay attention to you.

As a skeptical person with no belief in superstition, it means a lot that your role in my life has been so signficiant despite our relationship being so brief.

I wish we could clear the air and reconnect. This is special and I don't want to let go, but I know you don't see things the same way. You've probably already forgotten me.

What the fuck is with all the surfing shit?

It's iris then, right? Was she pregnant? Was she from Australia?

That kid in the picture though isn't mine. It looks like my cousin.

I super don't want a kid for reasons I've already mentioned. I'm going to need a lot of fucking time to deal with this shit. I want to start dealing with it RIGHT THE FUCK NOW but you just won't fucking let me.

Really I just want to die. I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of the world. I'm sick and tired of people fucking with me. Lying to me.

You wonder why I don't want to spend time with the people here? Really? Maybe because they have been making my life a living hell on fucking purpose my entire life? Lying to me, manipulating me, and just being awful people. I just want to get this over with so I can move the fuck away and start a new life. A life not filled with shit trash people.

>>18261793
Haha, fat chance burgerboy.

>>18261990
Do it.

STOP FUCKING WITH ME LIKE THAT

I want to fly so fucking bad. I want to make energy balls like in that episode of dragonball with gohan and videl. This is like.... the hundredth time you hinted that this shit is actually possible. That I have magic abilities god damnit.

Do you know how many times I have tried to pick up my painting pen with my mind? Like Luke and the wampa?

I WANT TO FUCKING FLY..

STOP FUCKING WITH ME I WANT TO FLY SO FUCKING BADLY AND SHOOT ENERGY BLASTS OUT OF MY FUCKING HANDS

>>18261843
this

I'm an above average looking dude in highschool, notice girls looking at me, and I have a good idea who likes me but I'm fucking beta faggot who doesn't know how to approach them.

So if you're saying I can have whatever I want...

I want drugs. Give me drugs. Just 2 20mg IR adderall a day. Put it in one of those locked containers in case you're worried about me abusing it.

Also surgery so I'm not so fat. Because god knows that the stress yoiu assholes have put on me unlocked a hardcore eating disorder.

You've told me that my destiny was to be surrounded by pretty ladies, my diamond dogs, that will pamper me. Brush my hair, do my makeup, full body massages, and snugs anytime I want... right?

Will they go out shopping with me? So we can pick up pretty clothing and have photo shoots? Keep me company during events and the like? Going out to movies and dinners? Playing video games with me? Exercising with me? Cooking with me?

Will I no longer be lonely?

Will... they be my ladies? Loyal? I don't like to share...

Will I be happy?

If all of this is truly going to happen... why can't we start now? Why do we have to wait? I'm so fucking miserable right now. I'm so ready to just kill myself and give up.

I'm so lonely...

>>18262448

We all want that, mate.

There could be some unknown laws of the universe, some quantum bullshit somewhere somehow that maybe in the right conditions could, potentially, allow for it.

Chances are, we'll never know.

Our only shot is to wait till we've alone, and fight imaginary ninjas until one of our kamehameha's turns out not to be so imaginary.

>>18262381
This.

Today was a good day.

Today was a good day!

So why do I suddenly feel like shit?!

Am I not only a son of Hitler but... am I a fucking clone? Did you seriously clone Hitler and the end result is me?

Was I raised in an artificial womb? So I don't have a mother, or a father...

Are you guys being fucking serious right now? Is that how you know so much about my future health problems?

>>18262507

Mein nigger,
Zey knew we'd one day need you agen.

When you are depressed, it is all the same. People, activities, leisure, sex, sleep, whatever. Doesn't fucking matter, just passing time.

>>18262507
Oh my god the r9k schizo is posting here now

LOL

How can I improve my self-esteem and stop hating myself?

I saw her today, she looked at me and the stared at the floor, I know she saw me. She then kept walking, like I weren't there.

I did nothing wrong, all I did was care for her, all I did was try to be the best guy for her.

Why is it that every time I find a girl I really like they treat me like shit and whenever a girl I don't want for a serious relationship comes in I treat them like shit and they get obsessed?

Fuck this, really, fuck this

How do I stop being sad? How do I stop being tired? How do I stop violently arguing with myself? How do I stop my self doubt from completely destroying what little remains of my confidence? How do I stop slipping away into this bottomless pit of apathy? How do I stop being afraid to even take a single step towards getting better? How do I live without feeling like I'm already dead?

I wish I was stronger. I wish I was smarter. I wish I was kinder, and more outgoing. I wish I wasn't so stubborn. I wish I didn't push people away, just because being alone is easier. I wish I could find a hobby that I could be successful at. I wish I could be everything I'm not.

But none of that means shit. I say I want to fix things, but then I don't even follow my own advice. I just stand there like a kid with my eyes shut tight, hoping that the monsters will go away.

>>18262514
Holy shit it really is true. I really am fucking Hitler. I am literally Hitler.

Thats what all those hints about Robin Hood, Bows... Archer. Krieger. Those things about poppy having copies... Those hints about Total Annihilation, Clone wars... Alien Resurrection...

I'm a fucking clone. A human clone of Adolf Hitler. An artificial person, an android.

What the fuck.

WHAT THE FUCK

How many more are there? How many were before me? Did they fail? Are there copies of... me?

Am I the most.. me out of all the rest?

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I want to cry lads. Im not a bitch. Cant remember the last time I cried
This shit hurts so much
>live in pretty shit town
>impossible to find a job in town
>every other store front is closed
>never ever got a call from 100s of Best Buy/Walmart tier jobs
>been this way for 1.5 years
>horribly depressed
>no girl, no $$$ in bank, getting fatter and fatter
>finally landed an interview with amazon
>after a month of all the bullshit had my first day today
>it was a bitch of a commute
>on the way there think about saving for car and gym membership
>maybe mom wont look at me like a failure
>left at 6am, took train for 30 mintues, hour walk after that
>it went great and I really stood out to the managers
>i sweat my ass off more then I think i have before at a job
>upon leaving they tell me tomorrow at 6am
>i say i cant and i only accepted the job because the email said 830-5
>they say thats just the training
>i pull out my phone and show them it says shifts Wed-Sat, 830-5
>they say they made a mistake
>send me back and forth to HR and different managers
>tell them trains dont run at 4am and if I can switch to the night shift
>they tell me only ppl with 90 days experience can and i must show up tomorrow
>if i dont show up tomorrow (which i literally cant) i will be fired
>i left work today shaking in aching feet and the urge to cry

I want to die.

>>18262483
I feel so bad for you but i think you're too far gone for an average person to help

>>18262554
Can you borrow someone's car? Relatives or friends in town? Call an Uber? If you can prove to them you really care about the job, they'll be more inclined to keep you on. Don't give up just yet fambo

>>18262549

dw mein nigger.

You're not the most hitlerest out of the hitlers.
There are also several genetically altered variations of you.

The most hitler acting hitler, is actually a chink hitler, right now.

>>18262567
The north korean faggot?

>>18262574

Nah mein fakher,

The NK faggot is just an NK faggot, not even a clone.
His chief advisor though is, funnily enough, a clone of Elvis. It took a shit-tonne of work for the Chinks to get his DNA into NK.

I wish you'd stop treating me like an immature, arrogant brat. No I don't want a 3.5 GPA "because of my pride" I just want a good fucking GPA. I really look up to you and when you say shit like that it fucking hurts.
I know I went through a bad mental spell where I lashed out heavily for attention but I've been trying my hardest to be an adult.
I've had to wade through tons of anxiety and apprehension to get where I am today and chalking all of it up to "pride" just downright insults me.

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Not gonna lie, it hasn't been a great day. I had a test in class earlier, but that's not the problem. I probably aced the major parts, especially since I cheated on a couple of the harder questions. No, after I got home, I was supposed to go for a bike ride and get some excercise for once in my fucking life, but here I am, laying in bed on my phone like I have been for almost six hours. I'm not even talking to anyone, I'm just idly browsing social media, waiting for something to happen. My depression is acting up again. I wish it would just fucking go away, but it's compounded by my anxiety which makes it impossible to do anything about the depression that makes it impossible to do anything about the anxiety. I'm caught. I'm stuck. I'm trapped. I just want to get out from underneath this vicious cycle. Maybe drugs would help? Maybe they'll just hurt in the long run. All I know is that my mental state is rapidly deteriorating, and I'm less and less inclined to do anything about it as time goes on.

>>18262579
Fuck whoever that guy is. I'm happy that you've made improvements. I was in a similar place once. Don't let other people's opinions of you define you, because they'll get caught up in what they think is the "real you" even if that's a fundamentally unhealthy or incorrect perception. Lost most of my old friends because they couldn't stand to see me change, but in my mind I knew it was for the best, and I'm hoping whatever changes you're making are for the better as well.

>>18262506
I feel it. I feel it hard.

It's super fucking insulting when you assholes try to give me art lessons or call me a sham. What, because I take shortcuts now? That maybe dealing with soul crushing depression that absolutely destroys my motivation makes pauinting considerably harder so I found ways to help speed up the progress?

I can clearly paint without using any references at all. I know proportions, anatomy, color theory, value structures, and design.

Quickly tracing things to get me a quick start is just me dealing with my lack of medication you fucktards refuse to give me.

Keep focusing on the times I take shortcuts and ignore all the shit I do using my knowledge, skills, and hard work. You try to do what I do under the same circumstances I am under right now and have been for the last fucking 7 years.

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I'm looking for advice.

I've cut contact to a person I known held dear for 6 years for various reasons.

I would write him properly written well constructed texts and he'd just respond with a meme like lmao or some gay shit.

At the same time I've been lying to him for 6 years about who I am, and where I am from.

I didn't mean to lie for so long, I was trying to fit in, but the lies got too convoluted and I couldn't stop.

It's been 5 months since we last spoke, and I don't know how to deal with the situation.
I left without saying a word and been planning on coming clean, but I don't know where that would leave our relationship.

If i tell the truth my conscience will be clear but it's be the end between us.

If I keep lying I'll probably go crazy, been having these dreams of us meeting at last but he discovers I'm not who I say I am and would never speak to me again.
Lying can only take you so far.

Should I just leave him in the dark?
Ignorance is a bliss, or so they say.
He probably thinks I'm dead anyway because of my previous suicide attempts.

If you bothered reading my shit please, I need help.

I know you were shit for me.

I know you didn't love me.

I know you were able to cut contact so quickly and completely because you didn't care, and that you probably don't even miss me.

So why am I so concerned that you look like shit in all your recent photos?

You're not sleeping well.

You're probably smoking again, probably smoking weed again too.

You look unhappy, boo.

All I want is to be there for you. The impulse is still so strong.

Why can't I cut the cord on this end? I know you've cut it on yours, you'll be fine and happy in like 3 months even if you're not right now, so why the fuck do I still care????????

I hate being lonely, but I hate being around people. Why can't I just choose one and be happy?

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>>18257854
Senior in high school, not the greatest grades but I'll still graduate, I've come to hate my best friend over the course of this year because he's become a massive tumor. The other friends I've made this year feel artificial, I have some really good friends but now I'm afraid I might run out after we graduate. And I just told my mom my feeling and instead of any practical advice she just hit me with the one two you were a disappointment anyway
It's getting pretty hard to keep going guys, the only thing getting out of bed now is that today will be better than yesterday, I'm just living day by day until I can move past all this. But for now I'm kinda wallowing as I get a few sparks of joy to only be followed with the rest of the day...

>>18262671
An immediate update: Mom got on the phone while I was posting this and is basically complaining about how much of beta faggot I ended up being. I think I might move in with my aunt after High School

Im failing at fighting depression...im so lonely..no one wants me no one needs me..im tired of fighting

Meh, let's give it a try.

OK, I desperately need freedom now. I'm 30, working hard for the wife and kid and have parents breathing down my neck, but can't afford a house at all, not want to waste 1/3 of my salary over rent, so I'm stuck living with everyone under the same roof, in a 2 bedrooms apartment.
It means no office room to peacefully write or play video games and having to sleep in the same bed of the kid.
Also, I feel like a bitch for my father as he's paying the rent and food. I owe him, but being a 30 years old worker and father, I don't want to do chores or help for his business endeavors anymore.
I want a way out, but I'm afraid to let everyone down. They love me, and I love them, but the call of freedom is getting stronger every day.
I believe I could find a job anywhere, in the European Union, or Central Asia, or even in the Middle of Africa. Then, I would leave without saying goodbye.
But I know I will never do that. I don't have the balls, I don't want to cut those relationships that definitely, and know it would be retarded in many ways. So I'm stuck saving money for several more years until I can finally move out.

In a way, I wish I lost my job so I have an excellent explanation on why I must move overseas and leave everyone behind. Money calls after all.

I want sexy time now please. Preferably, with a girl that does not have a dick.

Hopefully... with a Russian grey cat. I would totally make a sex tape with her. I really really really do NOT want to wear a condom with her... I want to do all the naughtiest things with that girl. I'm sure you all know this... what with reading my mind and the like. All the times I touched myself while fantasizing about cumming inside her in every way imaginable. I really need more than a single night with that girl...

She was so nice and innocent when I use to talk to her even though I know she sure as fuck wasn't. She really tried to come off the way to me though.

She knows how fucking hot she is.

Everyone thinks I'm so innocent, pure soul. That I'm an angel in a world of demons. It's true though, I really am. Just not when I'm in bed. I'm going to desstrooyyyy hheeerrrrrr and call her my princcess while doing it.

Seriously, I need more than a single night. She is my fantasy, my dream. I want to take advantage of this opportunity to it's fullest.

>>18257950
tell them.

>>18262026
Grossed out by your post

>>18262698
Good, you weren't supposed to become aroused

>>18258180
COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO A TEXT. BETTER YET- WRITE IT. seriously. give this to your babe.

>>18258266
life is fleeting. good times are even harder to come by. don't pass up chances in fear of embarrassment.

>>18262712
Okay...
So why did you post it?

I'm just fucking hurt and disappointed.

Mad at myself more than anything really. I brushed the red flags aside because I really thought this girl was different but alas i'm just another dipshit naïve 21 year old.

the messaging of other guys while we hungout, arranging to hangout with other people, telling me about previous histories and escapades with people, especially people i went to high school with (even one of my friends little brothers.), god knows how many other hookups in the last 2 months besides being with me, cant forget that drunk hookup a week after we agreed to take this more serious.

You had some fucking balls to bring your "boyfriend" to the same party that the guy you slept with a few days prior to was there at as well. Texting your best friend about it in front of me probably wasn't a good idea.

Barhopping with your awful friends when you told me you were too busy to hang and needed to study was kinda weak. blowing me off tonight was lame as well.

i don't know what other skeletons you have in your closet but it makes sense when you randomly said that I needed to be more open and honest now that I think about it. You project your inequalities onto others.

You're not crying at just ghosts and nothingness and for no reason, you're not depressed, you're just guilty.

You got some issues to work out, that's all i have to say. You wont have to cry in your bed all alone when the truth doesn't eat you alive from the inside. Speak up.

I'm afraid that I can never find someone who loves me. I've been hanging out with this girl for 3 months and we've gone on several "dates" even while she had a boyfriend. She broke up with him 2 weeks ago and I asked her today if she wanted to get Panera sometime and she said she was pretty busy so she'd think about it. She's super nice but I"m thinking of just avoiding her and cutting off all communication. I just want to focus on getting as attractive as possible so that I'll never be turned down again, because my self-esteem is fucking shattered right now

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Another hint that she's pregnant?

With a black kid? That she went to jail? Was it because of the reports I made to the FBI?

There were a lot of posts here about how someone's girl was flirty with everyone, including her drug dealer. Even more posts about a "requiem for a dream" scenario with the girl fucking her black dealer for heroin. And other prostitution shit, double sided dildos and the like.

So Renee whored herself out for drugs and money and got arrested for either drugs, prostitution, or for the hacking bullshit? Does she even know who the father is then?

Is that how she got her black eyes and bruises?

I'm still curious if she fucked those other people, like Hino and Mena. Everything was just so fucking weird and suspicious.

At this point I just don't fucking care what happens to her. She might even be dead now... which truly is heart breaking if true. I loved her a lot, at least the girl she presented to me. I now know that girl was a complete lie.

I don't want anything to do with her, I truly don't. I wouldn't mind talking to her one last time so she could tell me what happened. (That is... if she is even alive...) I don't want to have sex with her, even if she is innocent. I'm just not feeling that way now. I told you guys, I need an emotional connection of some kind in order to have sex with someone. Right now, I have no positive emotions associated with her and she doesn't register as a sexual partner at all in my mind.

Despite it all... her atrocious actions, her lies, and all the possible betrayal I don't know about yet, I would forgive her. I would wish her the best.

Everyone deserves to be happy.

Everyone deserves to be loved.

rest in peace arthur

>>18262667
>but

being lonely =/= being alone
it's much more easier to be lonely in a crowd than it is by yourself

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Stop asking me out, you lying Jew. I said no multiple times, and I have shit to do.

I wish we'd bump into each other more often, but maybe you're avoiding me.

I really want, more than anything, to clear things up with you and get us on the same page. I know we were manipulated emotionally and psychologically into being apart but we had such a unique connection that we stayed "together".

I know it would be really hard for us to be open and honest with each other and mutually get what we want but I really think this kind of thing is is incredibly rare. We shouldn't let go of that.

But who knows, maybe you weren't meant to be in my life at all. I do miss your presence, I wish we could have met under different circumstances.

I don't know if I should call you or forget you exist.

Also why do you guys think I can't take care of myself? Right now I totally am broken, a complete mess.

But I have lived on my own for more than a decade. I am a great cook, I took care of all my chores, kept my place clean, did all my college work, paid rent, and then got a nice paying job. I even took care of two other people during that time.

So you people say "You can't even feed yourself." which is completely retarded. I do not like to cook here. It's super uncomfortable. The fridge is packed with shit my dad will NEVER cook and if I use up any of the fridge space he will give me shit for it. Not only that, I have no money right now because you people have completely cut me off from the world. I can't make money doing what I do unless I was actually able to advertise my work and get a following (which I SHOULD have. Which I always thought it was weird I never could because... all of this shit was holding me back.)

Well I mean, I DO have a following now. In fact, it's the biggest group of people and largest following in all of human history. Some would even call it an empire.

I just can't benefit from it because you people cut me off from it all.

So when I get my money, when I am finally compensated for the 30 years of my life you stole from me.... I'll be able to cook for myself again. I'll be able to cook foe the pretty ladies living with me. I'll be able to function again like a normal human being. Sure, even if I was grown in a lab I can still be normal in some regards.

Just whenever this is over with.

Please make it soon. I'm so lonely. I just want to love and be loved.

Also I want to fuck my Russian Princess in the ass.

I guess there is a reason she sent me that song all those years ago then.

God... you know what? Maria is the only one in the world that if she had a dick I would still fuck her.

How do i depict the dangers of the world to you? Do I tell you they are inherited, like it would be something I feel. I can't. It would be virtually impossible and still possible. Though crossing that line is something I can't breach with you. I am unable to tell you what is up. As if you had enjoyed an authoritarian voice all along during any conversation we may have had. Can I be your confidant, or am I a good slut for a beating. For someone that supports issues aside from conformity, that span the depth of character, which even then, this sentence I'm not sure about with you, the depth of your soul is evidence by your attention then and that is all the depth you care to share with adamant position displayed like a cruel little vanguard of teapots aside each other, a disgraced empty pot, or something of objects in their categories being nonfunctional especially in a picture; this display of vagrant darkness is veracious and not unlike a shocking display of power relative to the identity. I hate this. Please forgive me if I ever fostered that.

I wish I could have the moeny to pay your carreer, you deserve it :(

Coworker drags/blames me into a situation that I have nothing to do with it it is her own situation. Good thing boss knows about her childish behavior but boss is moving to a new room next year. So that only means I have 4 more weeks working with her and idk how new boss is. Fuck her but everything will work out I know. Can't just go screaming and yelling at the job we're in dealing with these kids with disorders. Shit doesn't work like that and hell it's my first year and I even know that compare to your decade doing this. Big fuck you.

>>18258631
PTSD is what it sounds like. that mixed with depression. almost like triggers cause depression like symptoms. I'd recommend seeing someone about it.

So tired of this shit.

Hearing shit again.

Sick of this shit and just want to give up.

i still love you. I think you know that. you came to me once after he hurt you and I accepted you with open arms. then you left again for him. you've left him again after he hurt you this time and it took you longer to come back to me. You've done this to me before. I haven't learned. I still love you. I wish you would tell me that you want nothing to do with me so I could forget you. I can't. you were my first true. I loved you more than you loved me. choose me this time. love me more. I still love you.

>>18258740
yeah. I feel.

>>18257984
What ethical implications. Just don't get caught.

she doesn't mean that much to me. she walked into my life one day and she could walk out today just the same. I love you. I haven't found anyone like you. tell me that you love me. that you never stopped loving me. tell me that you care and mean it. if you cared, you would make time.

Is... is it her? Maria? The one in the songs? The one that will pick me up when I fall? The one that has been waiting for me? The water beneath me? The one that won't melt away? The cat that ate the canary? My Emerald City?

Who is it?

What is going on?

Please, please just tell me what is going on. This is just too bizarre. This doesn't happen... it has never happened and could never happen. This is the kind of shit crazy people believe in, that I would have to be absolutely batshit insane to believe any of this.

But it's really happening. It's all around me, all the time. The world completely revolves around me and exists only for me. What is this? I do not know what is real anymore. I don't know what is going on or why this is happening to me. The scale of it all is truly epic.

What the fuck is going on?

Please, please just tell me what is happening. Please tell me what I am. Who am I? What is my destiny? Where is this going?

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>>18257854
I really want to fuck you and I really want to fuck you. I want to touch your hair and lick your sick and I want to eat food on that bridge that is literally falling apart.

pic related

>>18260003
kinda ironic dontchya think?

I suggest seeking help without telling anyone

>>18262838
https://youtu.be/SF21WJdJIRE

My behavior and impulsivity is what repels people from me, I've realized this for quite a while. I know that statistically, at least one person in the world would brush that off as nothing and befriend me with no worries. But with what I've done recently, I'm not sure if I should ever try to bring myself back to having anything that resembles a social life.
I've been a hermit for a long time. I've been detached from social norms for almost a decade and from the isolation, I've picked up habits from the worst influences. I've done something recently that no one would forgive, and if anyone ever knew, I would probably be defamed and arrested.
The more I type this out, the more I'm sure I've come to a conclusion that I should never get too close to other people, lest I hurt them in the worst way possible.

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I've been there for you since the beginning. Don't you go on and do this shit to me, Abbye. I loved you. Don't treat me like this.

>>18262644
The depth and intimacy of your honesty should be saved for someone you really love. However, it seems that your person understands that there's more to you than meets the eye, you're afraid to admit and accept reality, hence the hesitation.

>>18262857
How far off the mark is your behaviour?

JUST FUCKING TALK

Don't self destruct and cry yourself to sleep at night. Whatever you've been doing lately happened, can't turn time back and erase fuck ups. We all take them to the grave.

The least you can do however is find closure for me. I won't be mad.

Upset, yes. But not mad. I don't get angry really, I just try to figure out the justifications and the rhyme/reasons why people do the things they do and why they hurt the ones they love.

>>18262764
I realize this. The notion doesn't exactly help.

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I deleted a long, faggy paragraph because I sound like too much of a beta.

In short, I'm unhappy, I want to be loved, and I want to die.
Tonight is the first time I've cried in a while.

You big gay nerd! I think I've finally found you. I'm tired of dating and I just wanna be in a relationship with you. I love being around you.

You say we're friends but you only talk to me when you're feeling lonely or when I've tried to avoid you
You know how I feel and if you can't truly be with me then at least act like a friend instead of using me for an ego-boost every now and then

>>18262894

"want to be loved"

let me tell you man, this is the wrong way to go about life. you have to love first. you have to have love to give. everyone out there wants to be loved but no one knows how to give it. learn to love yourself, then learn to love others. love will come back to you if you know how to give it out. but first you need to love yourself.

i want you to think of 3 positive things about yourself and 3 negative things. tell me what they are.

di ta uyab sam kayata i want you but ur ugly and clingy, i would stay with cleta but shes too skinny and weeab but at least we dont fight im so shallow i will never find true love i deserve to be alone

How does one cure an addiction to sadness?

>>18260392
Little late, but goddamn, I'd love you.

why are you so blind to what I do for you? why is nothing ever enough? I do so much for you and you still give me your attitude. Anyone else would be so grateful. I sacrifice so much for you. all I want is a little gratitude. just try and keep me happy like I try so hard to keep you. You dont think twice about how you make me feel. You take for granted all the shit i do for you. I wont be this tolerant forever. fuck sometimes I wish I didn't care so much

>>18262938
Thank you, if your booty is fat I'd have some demands but yea. Maybe in another life

I need help but I'm too self conscious to ask for it.

>>18262860
Sorry darlin, but I'm moving on.

No one from my past is coming with me into the future.

I can't stop overthinking things

I just want to sleep but I can't

Please don't make me wait until June... please.

The worst part? I know nothing will happen in June too. You guys are just going to continue to fuck with me until I kill myself. I just know you will. You know that is a long enough of a wait that I will get my hopes up so high... just so you can fucking tear me down again. Just like you have always done.

Please. Just PLEASE. Someone out there has to have a heart. One of you have to be able to see I don't deserve this torture.

Just end this already. Please... I can't. I can't. This is too much. I just need to know what is going on. Why this is happening. I'm so lonely, oh god I'm so lonely.

I'm so lonely...

please...

>>18262878
Most of the traits listed here >>18258506, without the cheating part.
I tend to think people are background noise, and when they have to do something with me, they become tools for my benefit. I'm not a responsible person overall, letting other people do work for me even when I'm not sick. I feel detached from the concept of any sort of relationship, an example of this is how I usually find myself surprised when people who try to befriend me get offended about things that I shouldn't forget about them (like their name). I also forget basic manner like thanking and greeting people. I also have this notion that because I don't talk about myself that much, I think I'm better than most people. When other people talk, I think that they don't realize how much weaknesses they're showing to the public.
I'm not sure if I'm writing this coherently because of the headache I'm having right now, but there you have it.

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I'm supposed to graduate from University and receive my Bachelor's Degree in a month. Only one problem: my fucking senior seminar class. It's a required class to graduate, and you pretty much sit in a circle and discuss various topics, our class focused on democracy.
>you're supposed to speak often in the class to get participation points (20% of final grade)
>I'm autistic and retarded so I barely spoke, will definitely get a low grade in participation
>I missed a presentation earlier in the semester (15% of grade) Actually, I didn't show up due to not being prepared to present at all
>20 page paper due in a about a month
>have not started
>instead I will pay someone 500 bucks to do it for me on the internet
>my professor already told me that I need to essentially get A's on all my remaining assignments (paper presentation, exam that I took already but don't know the score yet, and the research paper) to pass
So, in theory, I can pay this guy 500 dollars, turn in the paper, and still not pass. Which means I will have to pay like 2,500 bucks just to take the class again next semester, and delay my graduation by 6 months.

Why do I do this to myself, bros?

I never speak up when I get an opportunity and I can't keep my mouth shut when I need to. Socializing is hard.

>>18262936
t. Gotye

This is a super uninteresting story but I want to tell it. So I'm a teacher's assistant or whatever you call them in English. The other TA, who's been in the class for a longer time, than I, has this air of superiority and it bothers me. He doesn't take me seriously, maybe because I'm a woman in a male dominated field, who knows. Anyway.
A group of students needed help understanding a solution to a problem. He explains like shit. He just lays all the facts with no pauses por examples. So of course they didn't really understand when he explained it to them. They just said "Oh well we'll see it by ourselves later". When he left I gave them my own explanation, with drawings and stuff and they got it. So that in itself was pretty satisfying.
Later he emailed the students (they had sent an email about the problem before), telling them not to worry about the problem, they'll get it with time. And one of them said "Oh it's okay, we saw it with Anon and now we underdtand it! Thanks anyway". Ahahaha! It's petty but it feels so goood. He was also talking about them with the professor as if they were all lazy. I made sure to defend them hehe. I love teaching

>>18262905
Seriously...

>>18262542
She is a woman, the rest are girls, start acting like a man and get the woman. It's pretty simple.

Fuck

I smoked a blunt in my room last night (parents house) and it smells a lil bit like weed, but mostly tobacco.
I've never been concerned about my parents finding my stash, I've smoked weed out of a pipe and they didn't notice the smell. They just thought my room was dirty.

but I set up 2 air purifiers to clean the air while I was at work, but they must have come into my room at some point, because my fan was off and my door was open ( I left it closed)

They both never smoked weed so they don't know what weed smells like, but worst case scenario, they'll think I'm a tobacco smoker, who smokes inside nonetheless, and get really shitty with me and threaten to like make me pay 100 percent of my bills or some shit I don't wanna do until I move out

I'm just really fuckin noided right now, I haven't been able to relax for the last hour, i won't have to face my parents until about 18 hours from now, so I'm hoping they either somehow didn't notice, or they won't be super shitty about it. Im really fucking hoping it's the first.

My parents already know I vape and drink, so I guess it isn't the end of the world, and they don't HAVE it in them to kick me out of the house, but I just don't want to deal with any outcome of this potential situation.

Last year, I tried to catch up with everyone I knew when I lost my job. All I've done for 5 years was work my ass off and for once I wanted to spend time with my "loved ones". But when I tried they only wanted to know if I was working. Friends wanted job & money hookups. Family wanted to make sure I wasn't going to hit them up for money or that I could treat them instead. Nobody wants to be around me if I can't pay them in some way. I can't even go see them just to be with them. I always have to be paying something in return for their company.

As a result, I spent birthday, Christmas and New Years alone. Once it was known I wasn't working, they all became very unavailable. Last straw being invited to a family Christmas party and having four people give four different excuses why I shouldn't come. Then once they realized they fucked up, they lied and promised to see me at some later date. I imagine it was a big joke to them getting me to take the hint I wasn't wanted. Nice. I cried and accepted it that this will always be my place within the family.

This year I finally made some friends through my volunteer work. They don't ask anything of me but a willingness to talk. They don't care what money I'm making and even don't mind my personal quirks. As C said, "that's just who you are and that's okay." I never knew how badly I needed to feel like I had a place I would feel totally wanted and accepted. They are the first piece of joy I've had in the last 10 lonely years. The second my "loved ones" find out, I'm a of traitor for "never trying" to see them. It's "not fair" that I can "make time" for a "pack of weirdos" but not them. Nobody remembers ditching me during the holidays oddly enough. It's looking more likely that I need to disown my family but it's scary to think of parting with people who have known me my entire life so I'm wavering.

>>18262905
I knew a girl like that. She only talked to me when she wanted advice or for me to instantly make her feel better. Once I asked her to make me feel better instead and she didn't talk to me for weeks. I only heard from her when she wanted an ego booster. So I blocked her. It was a weight off the shoulders because someone like that is nothing but an emotional leech.

BTW, does her name start with G?

fuck off mom I don't wanna leave my company. i just wanna move out

I don't want to be alone anymore

>>18263132
It's a guy and I'm a girl. Blocking him won't help because we work together unfortunately

I come on here and see all the lonely shit and I realize that I am actually really lonely too. It's probably never going to change.

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>>18263158

>>18262945
...Actually, it kinda is.

>>18262787
If you can't front the money for my career then shut the fuck up bitch ass hoe faggot I am aspiring to do something with my lyfe

I wish your dick was bigger and harder

>>18262507
Tiny baby dude is getting worse by the hour.

>>18263273
Be honest, was he ever okay?

>>18263273
>>18263277
the best oart is that I'm a billionaire and pretty much every girl on the planet wants to fuck me.

Do you really think a few butthurt jealous faggots are going to be able to bother me? Really?

>>18262578
Hahahahhaha, as funny as this is the squizo guy will take it as true facts... Which is sad

>>18257854
I'm lonely as fuck.

I can't get myself to do my schoolwork even with less than 3 weeks of uni left and 2 papers due by Friday.

The club I'm in has disrespected the fuck out of me and today they pulled some BS that made me so fucking mad I couldn't function

So I went and exercised, went super hard and just let it all out. Still feel like punching something desu

I really wish I had friends or any girl would take notice to me. It's hard out here

I've met my activity goal for 27 days and been logging consistently on myfitnesspal and i've lost a bit of weight tho. Feels good. Gonna go HAM this summer

>>18263283
there. now go back to bed.

>>18262997
>senior seminar
Are you at CU?

>>18263300
You sound like a fag and your shit is all retarded.

>>18262757
Ugh... You are a disgusting creature. Shame on you talking about her like that, naming hard working successful artists just because you are a sore piece of crap that can't accept she left you because you are not just abusive, but a horrible person. No wonder everybody has blocked you, and now you took4chan as your only place to keep talking shit.

>>18263277
He went from bad to worse to a complete horror story in months. It is just sad by now.

>>18263294
bump

i really need help

>>18263310
cool

>>18261990
Sad! Many such cases!

>>18263315
riiiggghhhttttttt

>>18263315
to add,
You realize your little faux rant falls apart when you literally couldn't know who I was talking about from my posts.... so...

yeaaahhhhh.

Not to mention these boards only exist because of me. I don't know the response you were trying to get out of me but the one you got was "Why do you keep trying to get a response out of me?"

Shame on you.

I can't wait until this is over and I can start a real life. This shit is so stupid. It's just boring. I'm soooo fucking bored of this.

I'm bored of the game. You guys are literally boring me to death. Not one part of this has been entertaining... like, at all.