Did you ex ever come back?

>>18257013
what happened in my relationship is useless information because it probably wasn't like yours

provide more info

She tried several times, but I refused to talk to her beyond a few messages, often stopping in the middle of conversations. It apparently really fucked her up and I feel terrible about it. But what can ya do? I didn't want to talk to her after all the hell she put me through.

>>18257021
a breakup happened
you're not saying how or why

you say she put you through hell
this is not descriptive enough

you need to empathize with someone who is trying to understand wtf you are even talking about

that's like if I just posted a thread
>scary man imposing on me
>should I shoot him?
more detail is necessary

Had a relationship for a week, then he broke it off because of his personal issues. Three days later after he saw me physically again he wanted us to try again and I happily agreed. That only lasted 2-3 weeks... Now it's been a month and I still miss him a lot.

I'm such an idiot, if he were to ask us to get together again I'd say yes.

>>18257021
>>18257025
>he
>she
>details that just lead to more questions

I think you need to have a full fledged conversation with someone about this

>>18257026
What more is there to say? It's just a failed relationship that I can't let go of.

I'm the second person btw

>>18257023
I guess for a bit more context, the relationship lasted for a few months, I cared more than she did, she cheated on me and then acted surprised when I flipped the fuck out and hated the shit out of her. She then spent like 3 years randomly appearing in my life again and trying to apologize, but I kept refusing to let her have that conversation with me because, like I said, I hated her. I was a very petty, angry person. But, then again, she cheated on me and lied to me for half of that relationship.

OP here

So, he dumped me for having doubts about our future. (17 when we got together, 22 when we broke up) and he didn't have any motivation to put energy into the relationship anymore.

After the break-up we met 2 times, both time were great and like old times. Went NC for a month, heard nothing from him. Met him after that again, again, good time.

He says he wants to be friends (On his own tempo) haven't spoken to him in two weeks, kinda waiting for him to contact.

Everytime I ask him to try again, he says: ''Not yet.'' (What does that mean?)
Asked 3/2 times in 3 months, but didn't sound desperate of beg.

>>18257055
No.
OP hasn't been cheated on!

>>18257049

>>18257047
>>18257041
oh I didn't see that OP was forming a sort of support group thing. I didn't realize you were other posters. it's probably better for OP to describe and ask for advice, but if she just wants to hear short recounts of other people's business then there's no harm in it.

>>18257049
He's setting his own terms and getting what he wants from you. It's a losing game once this happens. He left you because he doesn't value you the same way you do, and now he's pulling shits with your emotional but not caring because lots of people are low empathy these days.

>>18257055
No, I'm not OP. I'm responding to whoever wrote that post demanding more context.

>>18257060
as someone who went from always naturally high empathy to fluctuating empathy (I am consciously in control of how much I let myself empathize with any given person now), it's entirely a response to having your emotions fucked with by someone who's low empathy. It's not that "people these days" are more low empathy, it's that the system that we are functioning in has much better methods for making people low empathy, and doesn't actually have any society level systems for keeping people high empathy, that's basically down to them and how capable of dealing with being fucked with on that level.

OP Here again.

Yes, I would like him back. (At this moment, I don't know how I'll feel about that in a few months, but yeah, now I would like him back.) Just would like to hear from people if their ex ever came back after how long and what did you do?

I once read that: ''Every ex comes back'' which just sounds kinda dumb.

>>18257075
yeah that's why I said that

>>18257076
so you want to try to be cute and side track the conversation to a less productive route, but

>>18257060
>>18257060
>>18257060
>He's setting his own terms and getting what he wants from you. It's a losing game once this happens. He left you because he doesn't value you the same way you do, and now he's pulling shits with your emotional but not caring because lots of people are low empathy these days.

Life can be rough

>>18257076
If you and he had a really genuine connection, for that long, he'll probably come back. Just like, purely chemically speaking, both of you are fully addicted to each other, whether you're consciously aware of it or not. Oxytocin receptors in your brain aren't being activated, so yeah, eventually he'll crack, and he might come back.

None of my ex's ever have, but I'm in this boat with you, I'm waiting for a girl who can't possibly be real to come back to me.

>>18257084
I've had every one come back to me, and then we both fuck it up again. Now I'm sad, and don't see getting back together as a positive.

Lotta diversity in here. *sniffle*

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>>18257013
I spoke to my ex earlier tonight. It went very well. We discussed how much we loved each other and all the pleasant memories. I didn't even want to hear her voice when we ended it but now we both feel a lot better. I doubt we will be getting back together but it's nice to know we will always look out for each other.

Pic was a happy time.

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>>18257092
gotcha

>>18257097
It was a poorly lit photo, friend. It turned out to be one of my favorites.

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>>18257108
its cool that way, friend

...

take me back
not to date you now. take me back in time.

look how young these people are

>relationship for 5 years
>i thought it was pretty good, lived together for 4 of the 5 years
>she thought differently, dumped me at the end of our lease
>my fucking heart ripped out of my chest
>went NC
>read every single fucking "I GOT MY EX BACK AFTER NC"
>wanted so badly for me to be a happy ending
>now it's a year and a half later
>still NC
>I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life
>hope she's doing okay but I have no desire to reach out

When I was going through my breakup, the last thing I wanted to read was people telling me that I was going to be alright. I can't know how you feel, and I don't know what your ex will do, neither does anyone else on 4chan, and neither do you. You're only asking because you're hoping that he'll change his mind about breaking up with you, because right now his having walked away from you makes you feel (incorrectly) that you are somehow worth a little less than you thought.

You are doing correct in pursuing NC, but you need to completely sever all communication. You need perspective on the relationship that isn't clouded by him dipping in and out of your life, and the perspective only comes with a long, emotionally-settled distance. Relationships fail for a reason, so allow yourself to grieve and then examine it with some objectivity.

>>18257119
I am yes. It's been 3 months and I've been improving greaty. I feel myself being happier again. Still, I would love to have him back in my life. He was/is a great guy. Best bf I ever had. We always talked about the future together.

I do love him and he told me he loved me too. I admit I would like him back, but if he won't come back, that would be fine too. I'm not gonna wait. But if he comes back, there is a big chance I'll take him back. (If he's not too late)

>>18257134
You were together for a very long time at an age where people have huge changes.

Keep taking care of yourself and making yourself happy. He, or other equally great guys, will notice you improving yourself. Life is very long and winds in strange ways. A breakup today is a reunion in three years.

>>18257161
>>18257161
**could be* a reunion jesus time for bed

>>18257163
We were yes. I guess that's one of the reasons he broke up with me. I always knew what I wanted. We did the same study. I finshed it, he didn't. I'm gonna start another study soon and he's not. He wants to continue working full time in his local supermarket. I guess he just wanted to know what he could do without being in a relationship? I always supported him anyway.

Maybe that's why I think he'll will come back? Because I wasn't really the problem? He just has to figure out his life?

>>18257165
neither you nor anyone else knows his reasons besides him, and for now he has told you basically "not interested" or "interested*" with him dictating the terms of how you two meet.

people are generally not limited to the types of people they could be or what they could do just by whether or not they have someone to bang/ take out to a movie. His saying he needs space to discover himself is him trying to break up with you in a way that will not hurt as much, because despite it all, he likely cares for you as a person and doesn't want to see you ruined. "it's not you, it's me, " when what it almost certainly is is "it's not me or you, it's us. "

You haven't told us enough about your relationship for me to begin to guess the dynamics at play, but it sounds like you might have some self esteem issues, or struggle with some form of codependency.

I cut contact after I brake up with somebody.
Easier on everyone. However I make it a rule not to date anyone form an environment I have to be it, neighbors, coworkers, inner circle of friends etc.
I've heard of people growing apart and its normal, sometimes they just grow back together i guess, but I found this to be an exception rather than a rule

>have first gf
>shit was cash felt like she was the love of my life
>she cheats on me
>has sex with our professor
>says she wanted an adventure
>i fucking snap and go full beta, beg for her to stay, etc. etc.
>ii realize that was retarded and decide to cut her off for being toxic
>after i ignore her she fucking wants me back
>even settles just for sex
>the mind is strong but the body knows she sucks mad d
>i intermittently break contact and act like an asshole
>it works lol
>but i get tired of it eventually and block her entirely
>getting real tempted to start talking to her again

almost a year now but damn i have an opportunity to meet her as she's visiting town

>>18257282
So she cheated on you, but still came back? How long did you cut her off for her to crawl back? What are you gonna do now?

OP:
I have deleted his number and unfollowed him on all social media. (Did not unfriend him on FB, only unfollowed him, so I can see his posts, but he can see mine)

>>18257293
>>18257293

yeah I guess she also shared the same sentiments about our relationship. it was really good she just had to kill it.

I kept on putting her off for a month or two and just not taking her shit. It was really fun because she made a lot of effort to get to me and all i had to do was ignore her.

i honestly don't know what i should do next. I'm very open to suggestions

>>18257316
Good question. I want my boyfriend back into an relationship, and I know what to say when he comes back.. I have this whole speech in my head..

Do you even want her back as a gf?

>>18257049
He's stringing you along. Tell him to shit or get off the pot. If he has doubts after so long he needs to talk to you about them. He's just being a dipshit. Tell him to quit being a flake and either get back together with you or never talk to you again. It sounda like he wants to experiment which, from my own personal experience I can tell you, is childish and stupid. If you've made it work for 5 years then it's the kind of relationship you were both made for. He's hiding something, I garuntee it. Grill him. Hold his feet to the fire and he'll let you know how he really feels. Either way it goes you'll have lost nothing.

>>18257368
definitely not. can't trust her anymore. it's different for me because trust has been breached. it won't ever be the same between us. would definitely want her as a gf or even as someone close to me anymore. the thirst just gets too real

are you OP? your relationship doesn't sound too bad, who begged though

I dumped my ex and have been honestly shocked at her lack of attempts to get me back.

Guess I'm just full of myself. She cheated and lied to me throughout the entire relationship, but towards the end started to feel the remorse from it, and that's about when I broke up with her.

She begged and pleaded at the time of the break up, but radio silence after she collected her things from my house.

Had a friend run into her in public about a month or two after the break up, and he said she just broke down in tears and ran out of the store.

She drove by my friends house when I was out on the porch drinking with him.. I didn't stare for too long, but I recognized her car (I picked it out for her) in an instant.

>>18257396
Yep, I'm OP. And yeah, our relationship was great! We shared alot in common. Also had an amazing sex life.

I kinda begged, when he dumped me. But only once. Because I knew it would drive him away. I haven't seen in him in 6 weeks and haven't spoken to him in 3 weeks.. I kinda wonder if this NC works.. I really want him to contact me first, it would make things alot easier..

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I really want my EX back and kinda show my EX how I improved. But how do I convince my EX to meet up with me again?

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>girl I had a "relationship" with in high school
>asked her out, friend zoned
>unlike /r9k/ I was able to take it in stride, its what she wanted bla bla bla
>close to 4 years later we both had gone to different colleges (hers was much better then mine, more expensive and in the city)
>runs into me t my part time job in our home town I worked at to help pay for school (wont lie, my self esteem was pretty low already but being seeing like that didnt help)
>awkwardly catch up, I had heard from friends she had a new boyfriend, was very successful in school and basically getting paid to go to school for an internship instead of having to do minimum wage like me
>she says she's having graduation party and I should come by
>thanks but no thanks, Im busy
>really persistent, asks why not
>are you fucking serious? tell it flat out its been too long and it would be too awkward and doesnt she have another boyfriend
>"well we broke up so I thought id give it another shot with you"
>pretty sweet right? wrong
>tell her to fuck off, im not special but I sure as shit wont be somebody's second choice after 4 years for you to show off at a party, especially
>she looks really hurt and leaves
>tons of texts from her friends saying im a jerk and to get over it
>still feel it was worth it
>sometimes I still wonder if I did the right thing though

>>18257522
Tell us more of the situation, why, when and how you guys broke up and how your relationship is now

>>18257556
>4 year relationship
>Same interests, same hobbies, also best friend
>Sometimes a little fight about me being low on conficdence
>Broke up 4 months ago
>Dumped me because I was too clingy and have low confidence
>Met up 3 times
> Had sex all 3 times
>But also had fun, eat together, game, watch a movie
>EX wants to be friends
>Never contants me first tho
>Haven't seen EX in 1,5 months
>Called EX to meet
>EX would let know when EX is avalible.
>Never heard from EX in a month

I have more confidence now and are less clingly because I now know I can do without EX. Worked-out, lost 8kg and counting.

I love my life, but I would still want to share it with my EX/best friend! (Or at least give it a try)

>4 year relationship
>She got a job abroad and was like, whatever, see ya later

Never saw her again. Still living in hope.

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I'm getting ready to drop my girlfriend of a few months. How can I do this in the least destructive way?

Its for a few reasons: the distance and our schedules makes meeting often difficult, she raises some serious red flags (dropped "fate" and "destiny" the first day we ever hung out alone), is covered up in student loans she used for living expenses, and was raised by her grandparents as her mom died and dad left. Also it seems like she almost always tries to be too """"deep"""" and "insightful" when its not warranted.
I just generally have been unable to get comfortable with her.

Knowing all this, how do I effectively tell her I don't want to date?

we're both 22.

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Why would you ever want an ex back into your life after they've severely hurt you?? I don't understand. Why not seek revenge?

>>18257632
What if they didn't hurt you during the relationship of the break-up?

>>18257627
Be honest.

Us girl can really destroy ourselfs over an break-up. esspecially if we don't have a clear reason why we're dumped.

My ex is probably expecting me to beg him back even now, considering the clingy breakup. But if he'd hit me up now, I'd have to laugh and introduce my lovely fiance to him.

>>18257013
Yeah, only because I begged her like a fool. She came back because she felt bad for me and I basically guilted her into doing that.
She left again after two months or so. I still think about her sometimes but I'm no longer pining for her. Now I just miss the moments we had and how crazy I was about her, not necessarily her. It's been almost 7 years and I'm in a good relationship right now.

Maybe it's best you don't get back together, it most likely wasn't meant to be. It'll be hard as hell for awhile. I suggest getting back into the game as soon as you feel up to going out. Nothing serious for sure, just a rebound.

My ex came back after 3 years. Or, more accurately, I contacted him and he was still very much interested, talked mad game about how I was the only one he'd ever really loved, he'd always hoped I'd come back, etc.

It was all lies. He treated me just as badly as the first time, maybe worse. Cheating, lying, etc. This time he actually fucked not one, but two other people while we were fighting, claiming we were broken up (though he was still keeping tabs on me to try to keep me from moving on). I shouldn't have taken him back after that, but he confessed everything, cried and claimed to still be so in love, blah blah blah, and I was weak and felt guilty for my own mistakes. I thought we worked it out.

Nope. He cut contact with no warning early this year.

The only thing I truly regret is ever coming back. I wasted so much time on a piece of human garbage.

People who treat you like shit once will do it again.

TL;DR - Don't ever get back together with an ex. You broke up for a reason.

>>18257540

You did, Anon. You bet you fucking did. You respected yourself and asked the same out of potential love interests.

I'm proud of you.

>breka up with gf because lol i just wanna be free babe
>she says im a dickhead and to chekc back with her in two weeks
>two weeks pass, miss her a lot
>get back together
>no regrets

>>18257654
Just doesn't make sense. Now that you say that though, it can be circumstantial. I'd suggest distractions, maybe hit the gym, and work on yourself but not cling to the thought of them coming back.

>ex of five years leaves me out of nowhere one day without giving me a reason
>miserable for two weeks until we both talk again
>find out that he got a new gf immediately after
>even more miserable now and feel like shit everyday while he's out fucking this girl

is there any hope to get him back? I don't understand how he could find someone so quickly and I'm still here crying for

I'm afraid to go NC because then he'll get over me much quicker since he's with someone else or may think I'm not interested.

We still talk but he gives me very brief one short responses through text and it's not the same. I dont know what to do anymore I just want him back.

>>18258985
You won't stop crying until you stop contacting him.

He left you and got with another girl immediately? Fuck him.

This continued contact is only hurting you more.

Think of it like an addict who keeps using, but using less. Sure, it feels good not to quit cold turkey, but you're just putting off actually getting better.

I wish my ex never left. She was perfect.

Nope

Something I learned from breakups is that there's so much at work that you can't see. The vibrations of your mood are constantly being transmitted to your ex subliminally, so they can tell if you're being genuine.

The only way to get an ex back is to go no contact and stop thinking about them. Keep them as a positive memory, only think positive thoughts.

Then just move forward as a single person. Try your best to become happy single and fall in love with yourself.

When your ex hasn't heard from you and your last contact was positive, they will initiate contact when you least expect it.

Stop asking "when" or "how" it will happen, just let go. Stop worrying about it. NEVER check their social media or stalk them in anyway, that seems to stop the process.

Usually a few days after you truly let go, stop asking when or how they will contact you, and feel happy with yourself without them, they come back.

Good luck. This is general advice so please apply it accordingly. If your last contact with your ex was negative, you should send one last positive message of friendly departure without any expectations. This wipes the slate clean. Then let go. They may contact you in a month, or three months, or maybe tomorrow during the new moon. It will happen sooner if you don't care either way.

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>>18258867
thanks bro

>>18259168
This is mostly good advice but expecting for your ex to inevitably want to get back together seems like a surefire way to get disappointed. Seems like you'd be better off just trying to meet someone else once you're in a good place, odds are they'll have done the same.

>>18257013
My gf of 3 years dumped me at the start of the month for a coworker
Had sex with a girl the week after the break up, she heard it and don't want me anymore, even if she admitted she didn't really liked her coworker and she wanted me back at the time

Now she have sex with him and I'm in a relationship with the new girl, I highly doubt she'll ever come back. She was pretty mad, slapped me and all that shit.

Tried to. I had recently gotten with a new girl and suppressed the affection I still had for her.

I never loved the new girl like the old, but she recently broke up with me and now my first ex is with someone else.

I was stupid desu

>>18257409
honestly think it only when you NC a female, based on myself and through my friends' experiences anyway

We reamined friend ( Afterhours a couple of months with minimal contacts) since we were very close friends before being a couple. Se ones asked me to have sex when due was drunk but i refused

I am the guy from this other thread >>> >>18260264

Too bad I did not notice this earlier.

My gf said she will not try to contact me, because I asked her to do so. However, she said she will wait for me. She hopes I will change my mind.

I still feel a connection with her, but I am discouraged about how our relationship has worked until now. A part of me wants to call her right away; but then I think "Wait... How many times have you already gone through this? Have things ever changed?"

>>18259945
How is she mad? She dumped you for someone else and then she gets mad at you for having sex with someone else? Hypocriticy at it's finest.

>>18260359
Basically she told I couldn't read through lines
I think she realized she made a mistake and underestimated me
But now it's too late, she's with him I'm with the other girl
3 years dumped in 3 days

she came back exactly after 4 years
she wanted to be my friend after dumping me without a single word
while forgetting to tell me she got married
telling me she wishes i tried harder and that if she could change it back shed stay with me

thats not how it works so we didnt became friends

my gf is our 2nd go, she was unsure and i got mad and kicked her out
we met again and one thing led to another, we were both single and now we are togather again
there was a 3 years gap

>>18257013
Same happened ... future, not sure if want to be in a relationship after 6years. Took my confident look, and asking for a dinner...later that night we were together again. Need to show that you are alive without her or him. Make them scared

>>18257021
Exact same thing happened to me.

She gave up eventually and got together with a guy i hated surely out of spite. Thing is, i don't care anymore and only didnt like him while i was with her so that relationship is totally in vain lol

>>18257293
Its called "taking a toy from a baby". All of the sudden it wants it.
Womens minds work a lot like childrens in this sense, and its something that ALWAYS works

>>18257540
Definitely did the right thing.

She thought she could just use you when she was ready and she thought you'd be so grateful for the opportunity to be blessed with her company and couldnt understand why you could possibly not want that. She's an entitled cunt.

>>18257013
The power of jealousy is impressive.

My guy has broken up with me 3 times, we remained friends, and now we're in a really good place and have been for over 2 years now.

Go on a date with someone else and see if your ex's interest is piqued again. Let yourself be happy and have fun. That's always attractive, and that's what got my boyfriend to realize that he really loved me and couldn't let me go.

>>18257540
11/10. You're gunna go far in life anon. I'm proud of you.