Should I just accept to being an introvert and keep at it or

Probably the former although I encourage you to consider that you might not be an introvert and to consider in what ways you are introverted and what ways you are an extrovert. It's not usually all that black and white. Personally I have qualities of both, and you probably do too.

>>18256585

Introvert vs extrovert has nothing to do with social skills, ability to be talkative, or ability to be the center of attention.

It just has to do with what you find draining, and what recharges you.

The rest of that shit is learned, trained, improved, and polished.

Pretty much the only limits in that kind of shit are the ones you tell yourself that exist.

Thank you both
>>18256623
This is an other understanding of what I had of the matter. Comforting in a way. But it seems that these social things are strongly connected to the introvert-extrovert distinction (and in between). I find these social expressions very draining but I gues a lot of it has to do with being uncomfortable/ insecure in doing it and maybe learning them makes it less draining.

>>18256642
>I find these social expressions very draining but I gues a lot of it has to do with being uncomfortable/ insecure in doing it and maybe learning them makes it less draining.

Probably.

Long story short, formerly socially phobic, shy as fuck. Became the kind of guy that can talk to and get along with anyone anywhere, with ease. And it's fun.

But I still can't do it forever. Few days at most and I gotta go get some me time.

That's the diference between extrovert and introvert.

Lock some of my friends in a room alone for a few hours and they'll be bouncing off the wall.

Lock me in a room alone for a week, and I'll be happy as a clam as long as I got the internet, or a book, or something.

>>18256673
Interesting. So how did you go from socially phobic to talking with anyone at ease?

>>18256688

Basically, nearly decades worth of effort. Just step by step, pushing myself to keep escalating. Bit by bit.

Got a copy pasta in a word file somewhere if you want it

>>18256703
Wow, well good for you.

>Got a copy pasta in a word file somewhere if you want it
If you please

>>18256734

Eh, lost it, must be on an old PC. I've told this story on here in a few different incarnations focusing on aspects, depending on what the topic was about. Some about me dealing with anxiety, some with depression, some with romance. This one was about romance (though I guess I'll clip off the end of it since that's not really relevant).

I was a shy, total social recluse growing up. I was the kind of kid who, even as a teenager, still dreaded the days my family would go out to eat because it meant i'd have to speak to the server to order food.

The kind of kid who would hear someone knocking at the door and mentally huddle in to a corner trying not to make any noise, hoping they'd just go away.

Up until middle school, I would pretty much only have one friend at a time, and I would stick to them and only them. Normally if things expanded beyond that, i'd kind of drift away because I'd feel like it'd be too much. Then In middle school I met a friend and stuck with him for a while, then he joined up with another group, and at first I did the thing I always do, but after a while we started hanging out again. And somehow, I started hanging out with one person in the group, make a connection, and then move on, and do it with another person n the group, until somehow I was comfortable with them all. And throughout middle school and high school, I pretty much exclusively hung out with them, and would avoid everyone else.

My final years of highschool, I got kind of sick of being that way.

One day I got bored and decided to start messing with my own habits, just to see if I could. I'd see if I could force myself to start using certain words (small dumb things like, "may as well" instead of "might as well"), then I'd see if I could start doing obscure physical things and see if they stuck, like that OCD avoiding stepping on cracks thing. It was almost more a point of curiosity for me than anything else, just to see what I could do with my will.

>>18256786
>part 2

Then, once I realized i could, I decided to see if I could start making positive changes
I started trying to stand straight.
I started looking in to people's eyes.
I started making myself smile.
I started speaking up louder.
I started making myself exaggerate every facial expression.
As I got more and more used to forcing myself to doing those things, I would force myself to do more things.
I changed my clothes.
I got an actual haircut.
I would ask questions in class/work.
I would have conversations with the teachers
I would go out of my way to introduce myself to classmates/co-workers and try to make small talk.

By the time I was 20 I was forcing myself to believe I was good looking--even if I didn't really. and Then I forced myself to go to parties and do the same thing try to do the same thing I was doing with classmates/coworkers with total strangers (Walk up to each and every person I didn't know and just say Hi, I'm <anon> and shake their hand while looking at their eyes).

By 21/22 I started forcing myself to go to restaurants after work. To sit at the bar. And to start a conversation with whoever the fuck was around me (male/female/young/old/customer/bartender/etc)

22. I was kind of in a state of limbo.. Earlier, about when I was 20, after a particularly bad bought of depression that seemingly came out of nowhere. Like it was one of the best points in my life. I was doing well in school, leading a study group, doing well at work, was getting super close to a girl... but then out of nowhere, I just mentally collapsed. I stopped going to school except for exams, I stopped going to my study group, I stopped going to work, I stopped answering phone calls from my friends, from my classmates, from her. And what made it all even more depressing was I knew there was absolutely no reason whatsoever for this to be happening.

>>18256788
>part 3

So I made a suicide pact with myself, telling me that by 22, my depression (which I'd had on and off since I was about 12--apparently I was biochemically predisposed, but such a borderline case that my doctor figured I was better off without medication) it'd be put to a stop, one way or the other, because I was tired of that shit ruling me and ruining things.

And that day came and went, and I wasn't depressed, so I followed through with my promise and I never let myself be depressed again.

But I was still in limbo. I wasn't depressed, but without that I felt numb. Like the world was no longer darker, but just completely grey.

Then I met a girl who changed that. Speaking to her, hearing her story, seeing how she was persevering, genuinely inspired me. She had moved to the area from a small town to go to college to become a teacher. She had trouble adjusting to how much more superficial people were. A year ago she was drugged at a party and raped. Her boyfriend couldn't handle it, and dumped her. 6 months later, a 10 year old kid she was tutoring--her favorite student--was hit by a car and killed in front of her, in front of their house. So much bad shit was piled on in such a short time, but she was still forcing herself to smile her radiant smile, and to go on. She was clearly hurting, but she didn't let any of that stand of the way of her reaching her goals.

And realizing that I thought, if she can do it, I can too.

I remember that very night (or morning rather. We met at a party I was hosting for a friend's birthday, we ended up talking until the sun rose), I thought to myself that this was it, this was the day everything was going to change.
And it did. From that moment on, it was like the world was filled with color.

The next day, we said our good byes. A few weeks later I got in contact with her through Facebook, basically thanked her for telling me her story, and told her how much it inspired me, and wished her the best.

>>18256792
>part 4

23. At this point I'm starting to hit my stride. A friend invited me to her apartment warming party.. guess who her roommate is.

We almost instantly pick right back up where we left off. We start hanging out, we start meeting for lunch, parties, drinks, whatever. After about half a year, without me knowing it, I find myself looking forward to it more and more, I start feeling more excited than I can ever remember being, I feel like every day is a brand new day and brand new opportunity, and every moment I spend with her, only reinforces that feeling even more. I'm starting to fall head over heels for her, but I don't realize this, or don't want to admit this.

And that's because up until this point, some deep down part in the back of my mind believes I don't deserve love or a girlfriend yet. Because as much progress as I've made, I still feel like I'm fucked up kid and can't handle it. Of course, on the face of things I rationalize it as, "I have other priorities right now" and "i'm just waiting for the right person".

One night, after a party that's wound down, it's just me, her, and one of her male friends. Earlier she'd ask if I wanted to crash on the couch and I said yeah, but now, I feel like I should probably get out, so I said good bye and leave.

As I'm halfway to the gate, she runs out of the house to catch me.

She asks what's up, and why I'm being weird.
Nothing, don't worry about it.
She says no really
I tell her It's a bad idea to say
She pushes
I blurt out, "It's because I think I'm starting to fall in love with you"
I'm completely stunned, and so is she.
She asks, "wait... you... what?", I still remember how her green eyes quickly flicked to the right and left then back to me in confusion, while a bemused smile starts creeping up on her face
In my shock, I mindlessly start repeating myself
She shuts me up midway with her lips.
My first kiss.
It's like lightning is charging down my spine and spreading out to every single nerve,

>>18256811
>part 5
When we stop to breath, she's giggling in a way i've never heard before, and we're both smiling stupidly.
We have a brief conversation where at the end I tell her I still should go back, and she says ok, and starts skipping back to her door, and shouts back to call her later.
An hour after, the entire drive back, I'm still feeling that electricity coursing through my body.
That memory is seared in to my mind.

But now I self destruct.

The next morning I try to contact her, but her phone goes straight to voicemail, and i'm so surprised that I leave a rambling and cringe worthy voice mail that's so long it cuts out. And right now I'm freaking the fuck out. I ended up dropping another bomb on her that same night after our kiss. At one point she straight up asks me if I'm a virgin, and I tell her the truth that I am. What prompted it was that in my stunned state, the words, "my first kiss" stumbled out of my mouth. So now my mind is racing a mile a minute, kicking myself and wondering if she's having second thoughts, and if i'm fucking things up Or if something bad has happened to her. If she was super drunk that night and fell down and hurt herself, but can't get to her phone because she's passed out and her phone is dead. And blah blah blah.

So I do the "rationale" ( crazy) thing and make the hour drive back to her place to knock on the door, but she's not responding, so I sit in my car for 3 hours while trying to contact her. Before realize I'm being a gigantic fucking creep and irrationally crazy person and head back home.

I resolve myself and decide, fuck it, at this point I may as well just go all in and regret nothing, so i end up constructing a max character 5/5 text message telling her how i've felt about her, how meeting her changed my life, how being with her fills me with excitement, but that if she doesn't feel the same, You know, no pressure (lol), and hit send.

She calls me a couple days later, and she basically tells me to calm the f down, and how she likes me, but she's not right for me, and that I deserve to be with someone who feels the same way.

I'm absolutely, totally crushed. For a few days it hurts like a mother fucker. But at the same time, I feel completely liberated.

Yeah I was being crazy, and I was probably directly responsible for this failing, but for the first time in my life, I've put myself out there to someone completely and totally, and held absolutely nothing back. And it's like a gigantic weight has been lifted from the depths of my soul. Force once that toxic, tar-like lingering feeling of regret and wondering "what if" isn't threatening to overwhelm me and I just feel, clean.

.
So with that we stay friends, and I try to move on (she ends up moving back home a couple months later to do grad school. She's now a school teacher in Alaska. I'm still truly grateful to have met her and have zero regrets).

I'm 24 now. It's been nearly half a year, and I'm starting to do online dating, because fuck it, why not. I've had an account for a year now, but I've never really done anything with it, but now I decide to just actively do it. A few months later I have a chat with someone, they ask if I'm doing anything, I say nah, we go out for drinks.

She's a kind of chubby, single mother, and while she's kind of cute, I'm not really in to her. At this point this is all on a whim, so I'm not really nervous or anything, a byproduct of me making that decision to go all out that day was that I now have absolutely no fucks given when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex, or in general. I've built up a kind of calm, cool headed demeanor that comes from the absolute confidence of knowing i've built myself up, brick by brick, the hard way, and I'm proud of that.

>And this is where I'll cut shit off because in goes in to my dating history for the next two or three years. l

>>18256828
>final

I will say that through dating I do start to learn more about myself and who I am, and learn more about my own sense of values, learn more about how people perceive me, learn that I'm moderate attractive, learn more about the minute parts of my own character like that I can become too big a flirt sometimes and it leads people on, and learn how to tone some parts of it down and how to properly display others.

It's all just an extension of what I'd been doing for years with friends, classmates, coworkers, at parties, at bars, etc.

My sense of social ease and confidence comes from the fact that, I've been through a shit load to change, and worked to polish it all. It's not that I completely don't give a fuck about what people think at all or whatever--because it's nice when people like me or what I do--but ultimately, no ones opinion of me can change the years of effort I've put in to work towards being the kind of person I always wanted to be.

That's a great story mate. You have a talent for storytelling/writing. I am happy for you.

it is interesting that you forced yourself in all doing this. This is a hard part for me because the theory is there but the practice is always another thing -even though I know the only treshhold is a mental one. Your narrative is certainly inspiring.

>>18256850

Baby steps dude.

Like I said, mine started with basically OCD self-indulgence--because it sounded amusing.