Heard friend saying negative things about me

See the bright side, at least you have a true friend

But on the other side, you could use that to reflect on what you are doing and try to find what you're doing wrong.

>>18251140
Man up.

Ask your "friend" if he can say it to your face and why havent he done that already.

Use his critique as a guideline on what to improve on yourself.

Kick his sorry ass unless he has good reason to backstab you like that. When i shittalk about my friends, i tell it directly to them to actually improve them or force them to realize how bad they are.

What do your friends do?

Two sides to this
>determine if the friend was being realistic
>determine if the friend is just toxic

Imagine this is "friends" the show. What if Monica overheard Rachel talking shit about how clean she is. It may be mean, but its the truth.
If your friend has said your breath smells, use that as advice and work on your hygiene. Now you said he said you're a failure. Is it true? Are you just a NEET who leeches off people? Or does he not know your situation that you work to help your parents and have a day desk job and night security job.

If you truly believe that he is wrong, is he worth keeping? You don't need to lash out, just make him fade away and not talk to him

I remember one time my roommate and I were chilling. He is a heavy smoker and would ALWAYS ask me to hang out with him for 5 minutes, even if I was busy. I guess he didnt want to be alone for some reason. One time a third friend came over. He asked him if he wanted to go outside for a smoke. As he was closing the door I heard him whisper "last week i asked anon, not a single word when we were outside". I must've been tired and did not do it intentional. I stopped going outside with him gradually. Like fuck dude, you asked me to come along. I must've had something on my mind. Just assess the situation.

>>18251198

I respect constructive criticism, but I think my friend was more toxic than constructive.

The last 6 months I have been focusing on self-improvement. This, of course, is not that long. But before then I did have some physical health issues (they health made it hard for me to eat and made me get physically tired very quickly so nothing THAT bad)that held me back combined with an admittedly retarded attitude in which I figured that I should not try and achieve anything, I figured why try to do something when failure is inevitable? But my friend gave me these criticisms last week, not 6 months ago.

In the last 6 months, I have been going to the gym three times a week, doing better in school, and getting into some art stuff. I have also quit video games and I no longer smoke.

I have quit my vices and focused on being better. I am still in many ways a failure. Still ugly and still short. Still objectively unintelligent, I can't comprehend some things that children can. So in some ways, my friend is definitely right.

The main thing that pisses me off about my friend is that he does shit like persuade me to start smoking/drinking/other drugs when he knows I am trying to not do that kinda stuff.I'm criticised behind my back yet to my face I am told to do all the wrong things.

>>18251162

yeah to make it clear I do respect constructive criticism and I have been reflecting on my shortcomings.

Everybody gets shit talked from time to time. It's human nature to talk about what we like and what we don't like about other people, and then act friendly when we see them face to face.

Not saying it's right, but it's the way it is. It's naive to think that nobody is going to negatively evaluate you when you're not around, even your closest friends.

>>18251140
yeah ive read hateful things written about me from people i thought i could trust, and ive had people say it to my face. i would use it as a way to motivate yourself to become better than what they said, in other words dont give them a reason to talk. it may very well be that theyre right, so i use that as a motivation.

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>>18251140

I dunno, man. This play is kind of up to you.

Personally, I am the biggest critic of my best friend. I talk shit about him literally all the time but I've been friends with him for 11 years. People are rarely exposed to such concentrated levels of someone else's baggage. I'm acutely aware of every fuck up he's ever had and yeah sometimes I vent like a mother fucker but if he called me up right now and needed $1500 or help moving or a place to stay I'd do it without hesitation.

I understand criticism hurts especially when its not formulated in a helpful matter but as an adult man who has experienced and endured every last ounce of dysfunction my friends have to offer I would say that the measure of friendship is how much you're there for each other, not how much you dig at each other.

I would say that its more unnatural to have a friendship in which none of you ever complain about the other behind their back. I do that shit to my friend all the time and I know for a fact he does it to me. We've been in fist fights. We didn't talk to each other for a year because we dated the same girl but, alas, after all that bullshit we're still going strong. I think being able to get through this kind of shit says more about a friendship than the absence of shit.

Then again, he might just be a judgemental cunt. I dunno. Just giving you my perspective.