My mom never loved me, she told me when I was a kid that she

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My mom never loved me, she told me when I was a kid that she didn't love me, all throughout my life she would attack me for minor shit (I'm a girl and she always made fun of fat women in public so I wouldn't eat meals, I would sneak lettuce and carrots when I got home from school, she would find the vegetables hidden in my room and attack me for being a filthy cow) until the point where I cried so she could make fun of me for crying, lol I'm good at making myself fake cry because I realized when I was eight that I could speed it all up by crying asap and not trying to be strong. I'm twenty-four now and she still makes fun of me to my siblings for being skinny and stupid (I got scholarships and loans to enroll in Brown but dropped out after the second year because she told me she was going to become homeless if I didn't start working full-time and help her). I realized a few years ago that some things she did to me were sexual abuse, and in a conversation with my grandmother a month ago, my paternal grandmother was shocked that my dad never told me that the reason my mother and paternal grandmother don't get along is because she stopped in one day to check up on me when I was two months old and my mom wasn't there so I was alone (my dad was a captain at the time, always off at sea) and I was *covered* in bruises and I didn't cry or respond to human contact, so she called CPS, and my mother lost her shit. Mom has all my contact information but she hasn't even tried to contact me since I stopped talking/being of use to her, it's been three years now. I've been traveling and I think I'm doing well but it really fucks me up that I've grown up always knowing that I'm trash and a disgusting filthy whore to her, while I watch how good she's always treated my siblings and how much she shows them that she loves them on a daily basis. TL;DR I feel really alone and hate myself a lot right now so if you also have Inexplicable Black Sheep Of The Family stories please post 'em lol