My father in law is gay, how to tell him we're ok with it?

>>18241613
Ask him if he would like to blow you.

>>18241618
Comparing to his last bf's I'm definitly not his type, so I don't think this would work lol

>>18241613
Saying something like that makes it sound like you are accusing him of doing something bad. Stuff like this can be really sensitive to some and you should never make someone come out if they do not feel comfortable.
Just tell him that lately you have been suspecting that he is hiding a big part of his life and that if he feels that he need to share something you will be there and not judge him about it. Just that you care about him and want him to able to be himself.

>>18241653
The thing is: I don't think he's trying to hide it anymore. You wouldn't say at first look that he is gay, but he left a hell long trail of crumbles for us to follow over the years. If he was going to come out on his own, he would have by now.

And I obviously wouldn't keep it at just this acusatory tone. We intend to have a full talk with him, tell him it's ok for his guy to sleep in the same room with him and so on. We live with him* and we're nearly 30, and he's an over 60 widower, so I don't think he'll get into a guilt trip of some kind, and we really want to peel an already falling bandaid.

*(poor country, no way we could have our own place)

Keep in mind that it's entirely possible that doesn't consider himself gay. Some people can pull some truly impressive mental gymnastics on these issues, especially when they've been denying it for decades.

>>18241723
I get it. He's been gay for years now probably. My gf passingly mentioned once that her parents had a big fight once where her now deceased mother said his father hasn't fucked her in over 4 years (she wasn't exactly mentally stable...). This was before we even started dated and we're pushing 9 years this year, so it would make at least 13 years that he knows that.

I think he's come to terms with it by now. I mean, he unofficially introduced us to two bf's already, is really vain, and so on. I don't think he would freak out listening that said out loud now that he took miles of cock already, but do you think I should avoid mentioning it specifically?

>>18241653
Being gay is bad tho

>>18241613
"So how's <his boyfriends name> doing? It was awesome seeing him the other day. You guys are cute together"

You can leave the last line off of you want to be less blunt. Or leave it in if you think he doesn't care

>>18241746
They never show affection toward each other this way, so I think this would be eerie and awkward to say that. He's a really respectful and polite guy, if it wasn't for the frequent visits and mildly noticeable queerness of those guys, they'd pass as just friends.

We kinda ignored it so far because, besides the obvious awkwardness, this could be only a big misunderstanding and he's only a really friendly guy with gay friends. But this accidental text made it too obvious to ignore anymore, it was like "hey sweetheart, the kids invited us to have dinner xoxoxo" lol

>>18241613

honestly the best way to show someone you're okay with it is to just not say anything. it shows that its clearly not something of importance and lets them feel more in control of their situation.

I used to be 'out' but it was no fun. it was a daily conversation. it was constant people trying to be sympathetic and eve nthat got old.

now im just back in the closet, and while theres obvious slips people just dont acknowledge it becuase they aren't quite sure what with the vagueness of everything, and its just more comfortable.

when people DONT address it, they're treating you as if you were straight, like you're just another guy with nothing different about him.

but when you address it, even from a place of acceptance, you're reminding people of how different they are, and its just all so annoying at this point.

the best way to be inclusive is just to wait til he brings up a man hes clearly romantically interested in and just say 'so when are we gonna meet greg?' or whatever his name is. This says 'were okay with you dating dudes' without you saying 'HEY WE KNOW YOU DATE DUDES AND WERE JUST BRINGING IT UP TO SHOW HOW PC WE ARE'

be interested in his relationship, not his sexuality.

>>18241732
What I mean is that there are men who will attempt to loudly and violently proclaim their heterosexuality while choking on another man's cock.

>>18241737
Guy is over 60yo. Raised two perfectly raised daughters, one which is married with a kid, and the other is my gf for almost a decade now. He isn't influencing anyone because you'd only find out he's gay if you stood around his personal life for a long while like we do. He doesn't kiss, hold hands or even hug his partner inappropriately in public. Also has stable relationships with guys his age, so it's not like he's a std cesspool at all. Do you mind explaining me why it would be bad?

>>18241757
Thanks for the input bro. I totally agree with you actually. It's not something we'd ever mention regularly, I just want to know how to make him feel more comfortable with it. We never treated him differently for it even though we suspected it for years, but I know what you mean. It's like anything we do for him will have a question mark in his head for if we're doing it just because we know.

For instance, I'll go into his relationship a bit: he's been seeing his "Greg" for years now. Greg lives further than 1000km away, and has no family (as in, no kids or wife), so when they want to meet, either he goes to greg house, or greg comes to his, where we live. He has a spare room in the apartment for guests, and Greg occupies this one, even though my "FiL" has a suite with a king size bed and a private bathroom.

We are friends with Greg, we all go out for dinner and stuff, but I want to let FiL know that Greg can sleep in his room if he wants. I don't know if he would actually do this because he might think it's inappropriate, but shit, I bang his daughter (quietly ofc) and sleep with her daily under his roof. I want him to know that he doesn't need to hide it from us and is totally entitled to the same privilege in his own goddamn house.

How do I do that? Just wait for Greg to come over and tell them to stay in the same room?

>>18241771
I get it. He dropped the act after his wife passed. He worn a huge mustache and was really laid back with his appearance. Now he shaved his mustache, got lifting for his wrinkles, consistently places first in marathons so he's really fit, uses creams and lotions for skin...

I mean, he isn't shouting he's gay, but he isn't shouting a fake heterosexuality since his wife passed away either. I'd classify him as "socially metrosexual", if that's even a thing

>>18241613
I think it's just safer not to even bring it up. Just be casual, try not to think about it but be casually accepting if he decides to reveal some part of his life to you.

Another tactic you can use, which I personally don't like because I see it as kind of forceful and can put people on the spot, is talking to him privately and asking him to be more open about his life for the sake of your relationship. I've known people to use the more hamhanded approach and then say IT'S NO BIG DEAL and it worked for them because it took the burned off the closeted person. Diff'rnt folks, diff'rnt strokes.

But you're a good son, OP.

>>18241812
Yeah, I was leaning towards being very light in the approach, like saying "we're cool with you and him", but the posts here are changing my mind towards some other way.

I'm thinking now is a good time to do something though, because he's actually spending the week with this guy, and he'll be back on monday. It's getting kinda hard to ignore the elephant in the room desu. We just want to know how to make him more comfortable, if him knowing that we know helps. I don't like to think he might be feeling like he's having a double life and pressured to hide it from us. For instance, when he sent that text, he quickly dismissed it as the autocorrect, when it obviously wasn't... I feel bad for him having to do this kind of things

And thanks bro, I appreciate the compliment, although I'll have to be more careful with fag jokes around him, even though he laughs about them lol

>>18241613
Say nothing. Treat him absolutely naturally. If he has a steady partner you can casually invite them as a couple to your next party or whatever. But don't bring it up - "We're OK with you being gay" merely translates as "We can't see anything about you except your sexuality"

>>18241793

id just phrase it as a question
>why does greg sdtay in the guest room?

Not much else to say beyond title. Long story short, me and my gf suspected since 2013 when we all traveled toghether with a "friend" of his who was clearly black and they both stayed in the same room.

He's not flamboyantly black, we mostly found it out because he's always traveling to meet friends who are clearly black and he slipped a text to my gf that should be for his current homie.

We're both completly ok with it and want to let him know that we know to ease his mind, kinda extend a hand to him to pull him out of the hood, but... how do? Straight up telling him "we know you're black" is obviously too blunt. I tought about just saying "we know about you and X" and this should suffice.

>>18242565
Op here, your autism is showing

Maybe he likes to hide it and it turns him on to keep it a "secret".
Maybe he's embarrassed to talk about it, but knows he has made it clear from the looks of it.
Maybe its just not your fucking business.
Maybe he isn't even gay just fed up with women and their bs. No wonder
Maybe that's why he's gay.
Maybe that gay buddy of his isn't even a fag.

Then again maybe you should stick your nose in it and make him confess something that isn't your business unless you two want gay daddy incest threesome with him. What do I know.