Feeling Trapped

Yeah, welcome to the modern life, you are emancipated womyn, you do not need a boyfriend. Get rid of him and get your tubes removed to reach your full potential

Not saying you should break up, but

>can't just break up because we've been together for so long
past investment fallacy. just because something was good for a long time doesn't mean it'll always be good - or, alternatively, just because you've been in the wrong for a long time doesn't mean you gain anything by staying wrong.

>>18239577
>Get rid of him and get your tubes removed to reach your full potential
Taking the bait but I want kids someday. I'm going to make good money but I don't want to be working all hours of the day so he can stay home with the kid(s) and barely care to them.

>>18239639
Right. I am guilty of this. I have a friend who was in a similar situation and always made excuses for her BF. When she found him cheating it was tough for her to handle but she's finally able to see the excuses she made and the memories she was holding onto. I think that's why she gives me so much shit about it because she was in my situation before.

Shameless bump

>>18239540
You confronted him the one time?

What anime is this?

>>18240055
I've confronted him numerous times. We've been living together for many years with roommates but now that it's just us two I realize how much I do for him. He always says he'll change but this time I was really upset so we'll see...

>>18240143
Sailor Moon (S arc specifically)

>>18239540
Lol def don't marry him

>>18239540
Tell him he's ruining it and it'll be over before he knows it. Don't be afraid to give him a chance. Don't be afraid to throw him out afterwards. His parents will understand and probably would do the same.

>>18240419
Funny thing is all I would think about when we first got serious was our wedding and spending the rest of our lives together. Now if anyone were to ask me I'd probably say, "Ehhhh..."

>>18240422
This time I told him, "I can't take this anymore" and was pretty particular with what was bothering me. I've given him many chances and honestly would continue to give him more. I'm a very forgiving person and will fall for anything really.

>His parents will understand and probably would do the same
As much as they would understand, I know they wouldn't throw him out. His mom, simply a saint, has coddled him and takes care of him so much when we visit (which is really nice to experience for the weekend but when you live like that everyday you become accustomed to it and expect every woman to be like that). They've legit told him, "Anon is great, please keep dating her."

As morbid as it sounds, the only option I see is him dieing so I could still have a good relationship with his family and I wouldn't feel guilty about not being with him anymore.

>>18240620
>honestly would continue to give him more. I'm a very forgiving person and will fall for anything really.
Then you will continue being frustrated for another 15 years and resent him the whole time. That is where you're headed.

whisper into his ear "we'll bang all day every day for a week if u stop being worthless"

>>18240781
Not OP, but I will be the best version of me FOREVER

>>18240770
I know...I'm just too beta and non-confrontational to do anything. If I would catch him cheating or something then I could use that as leverage but I can't bring myself to leave just because he can't get his act together.

You want him to die so you can stay friends with his parents? You want to catch him cheating so you can use it as leverage to leave? Holy shit woman, you clearly want to leave the relationship, but thinking like that highlights some issues you need to deal with yourself.

That being said, it sounds like he has problems with real life and is trying to escape. I say this because I was in a similar relationship but on the other side. Long and short of it is that you need to assess what you gain for yourself by staying in the relationship.

However, based on what you've said and my experience being in the guy's position, I can tell you right now that you're in an unhealthy relationship that will take a lot of effort (from you and him) to fix.

>>18239540
OP I have a question, what do you expect from him?

>>18240952
I know. I'm crazy. I have it in my head that there're better people out there but at the same time he has a lot of really good traits I find important in a partner. I still have many traditional values and I fear I won't find someone who shares those values with me and I'll lose my chance to reproduce while he finds some young thing to mess around with and be happy with.

How did your relationship end? Have you or your partner changed since its ending?

>>18240974
I expect him to pull his weight and be like the rest of the men in our families. Sure my uncle is a bit metro with getting waxes and whatnot but he runs his own business, keeps his space clean, and takes care of my aunt. My BF's dad is also a hard worker, a bit messy but pulls the weight so my BF's mom can cook and clean inside.

He does have ADHD, which I personally haven't experienced so I can't say what's his fault or the fault of an untreated disorder. He was on amphetamines for a while and felt more mellow but he didn't like how angry they made him.

>>18239540
i feel the same way with my gf right now...
i've been losing weight and trying to get in shape.
have my own online business and everything she does just annoys me now.
She is constantly on her phone and is always trying to get me to eat food when i don't want too. And refuses to have sex...we had sex like a few days ago..but before that it had to have been like almost a year since we actually had sex.
I just feel so lonely in this relationship and i've escaped to online paying cam girls just to have conversations with another female and it all feels empty.
In all honesty im saving up my money to move out and when i have it all together with the new job and the online business i'm going to break it off and move into my own apartment. Not saying you have to do it...but don't be like me and be a miserable mess at 35 years old.

>>18240998
Good for you for getting your life together! I've been going to the gym too and even got the better membership so my BF could go with me but he's only gone twice...

I've noticed I've become more social/confident at school but more quiet at home. It's a bummer you've had to resort to cam girls but I feel you.

>35
You have many years ahead of me but I don't want to end up in your shoes. I really hope to have kids by that age too so that'd be extra hard to leave.

I wish you all the best in your endeavors!

Hiring agency.
Mostly minimum wage, but they hire you almost instantly. Probably some factory job.

Research local agencies, take two or more forms of ID, sign a few papers, done deal.

The stress should go away naturally when he gets a job.

>>18241060
>The stress should go away naturally when he gets a job
It usually does. Whenever he has a job I go into full housewife mode and actually work harder at school/with chores so I can spend time with him when he comes home. He's hoping to hear back from a few places any day now but if he doesn't I'll bring up the hiring agency.

I'm in a very similar situation as your bf is OP. Moved to a new city to be with the woman I loved, had trouble finding a job for a couple months and got pretty depressed for awhile, especially due to not knowing anyone but her in this city. I just started working after being unemployed for about 2.5 months, but it's a really good job where I can make pretty good money.

My gf just broke up with me yesterday because she got tired of us both being unhappy. However, having started working and getting my shit together, I was starting to feel much better about life in general. I feel so betrayed by her and it's made me so upset that I don't think I can look her in the eye again, let alone give her another chance if she decides she wants that.

Now I'm stuck in this town with no friends, barely any acquaintences and I have to live with my ex who dragged me down here just to bail on me when things got tough for a little while.

Your situation is different in ways, but I just want to tell you that you should think very hard about your next move. You have every right to leave him if that's what you want to do, but I urge you to just make very sure you've given him a fair chance by your standards. You never know when things might start looking up, and it would be a shame if you ended something with real potential without fully expressing to him how you feel beforehand. Living in a new city and not having a job is an incredibly stressful situation that doesn't arise very often, more than likely your bf is struggling right now, but once he gets his shit together, things will likely begin to change for the better.

>>18242153
Anon I'm so sorry to hear! Just when you got everything on the right track she decides to end it. She couldn't have waited until the lease was up at least? Or waited it out to see if the job sticks?

I can only imagine how stressful you (and my BF) feel to live in a city without anyone else to really depend on. One of the reasons I feel trapped is because he's always home, so I don't really get time to myself unless I'm surrounded by people at school or the store. Luckily he has friends to talk to online but still...

I know he's trying and he's very close to his family so I can imagine how hard it must be to only have one person you can really depend on. If he doesn't get a job by the time our lease is up in the summer then we'll have a discussion but for now I'm not just going to kick him out.

This is coming from a guy who basically was your boyfriend and used to be in that situation, you need to break up with it.

When my ex left me, it made me turn my entire life around.

>>18242530
Did your ex leaving you kick your butt into gear and you finally improved yourself?

>>18242552
Yea, i was a neet in and out of dead end jobs, now im going to college and doing extremely well, i go to the gym several times a week and im in great shape, i have loads of friends and an active social life and ive porked many women.

But when i was with her i never left the house and i was skinny fat and antisocial.

>>18242556
>But when i was with her i never left the house and i was skinny fat
Fug that's my BF. He's actually pretty social and willing to talk to people but just won't leave the house because he feels uncomfortable being in public when he doesn't have a job.

We've been together for many years and I've just sort of let him do his thing. Maybe losing me would make him get his life together or he'd live with his parents until he's 30. I genuinely love him and don't want him completely alone like the anon above me is, so I'm going to wait it out until our lease is up.

>>18242578
just leave him, it sucks but its better for you all, you probably arent that good for each other.

My new girlfriend makes me a better person, my ex, like you, enabled me to be a shit person. I know my current girlfriend would leave me if i became like i used to be, but that doesnt mean she doesnt love me, it means she wants something in life and not a deadbeat shitass boyfriend who drags her down.

>>18239540
This is a relationship. Sack the fuck up. If he's still trying to find a job, if he's still trying to make something of himself, it's on you to support him until he gets where he wants to be.

If he's genuinely being a useless slacker and not trying to find a job or contribute to the relationship, then you have to have a long conversation with yourself about whether this is acceptable to you and to the relationship as you see it. If it's not, try to make changes. If he refuses to change, well I guess you've at least got a definitive answer then.

>>18239662
What, you won't let him be a stay at home dad, but your an independent womyn!

>>18242530
Anectdotal

>>18242640
>my ex, like you, enabled me to be a shit person
I am an enabler and I hate it. When I watch shows like My 600 Pound Life I get disgusted with myself because I see how bad the partners are but they just want their morbidly obese partner to be happy.

As selfish as it sounds, I want his best. I don't want to leave him so someone else can have the ideal version of him.

>>18242685
I'm trying my best to support him but he was jobless for many months even before we moved to the new city. He did call center jobs and went crazy so I told him his sanity is more important so I enabled him to stop working those kind of jobs...

And that's why I made this thread in the first place. If I didn't want it to work then I'd tell him to leave; but I want this to work and needed some perspective on the situation.

>>18242710
Being a stay at home parent implies you do more than sit at your computer all day. When I'm home for the summer I still do chores and be productive.