Immense Feelings of Guilt

Anything would be helpful. Anyone done something this awful?

You're self aware and embarrassed enough not to do it again. Even if it was the worse crime imaginable and it wasn't filed, as long as you understand what you did wrong, it's ok.

I've done some sexual things because I was curious to my sister a few years ago and feel disgusted. So I've learned.

>>18239247
You could try apologizing again lol. Basically tell her what you told us. You will feel exonerated once you are certain that amends have been made.

>>18239247
>Do thing
>Feel bad about thing
>Don't do thing again
>Communicate to people affected by thing that you now understand that thing was wrong and that you have no intention of doing it again
>Move on and do other things
You're almost at the end, OP!

do something really bad to forget about the thing currently bothering you
you could roofie someone and rape them in the butt for example, that might help

>>18239462
I would love to move on but how can I do normal person things when what I've done is so horrible? The girl said she didn't feel raped but she felt pressured so isn't that just rape? How can I ever be close to anyone again? She's forgiven me but i still feel awful.

Part that's messing with me as well is that anytime I'm with anyone. I'm going to feel as if I'm hiding something. I always feel like I should billboard the worst things about myself, otherwise I feel deceitful.

>>18239628
primarily obsessional obsessive compulsive disorder

>>18239636
So it's in my head at this point? Do I just keep it a secret for the rest my life and seek treatment for OCD? Is it the OCD telling me that I don't deserve to be alive or feel good ever again? That I'm a horrible person no matter what I do from here on out?

>>18239663
I've had all the same symptoms over what turned out to be a thing I imagined. It took me a long time to get over it.
You examine the thing you happened or you think might have happened. You figure out what might have made it happen. You put it away. The end. And yeah it's not easy as it sounds when it reaches mental disorder status. Try sunlight and exercise, whatever I don't know lol

>>18239247
Quit being a fucking drama queen. It sounds like you learned the right lesson from the experience, so just move on with your life and apply the knowledge from that lesson where appropriate.

>>18239663
Obsessive-compulsive disorder doesn't tell you that you "Don't deserve to be alive or feel good ever again." That's a completely different psychological issue. Seek treatment or therapy.

>>18239694
Scrupulosity is treated as OCD in almost all cases, you don't get to redefine what OCD is because you watched a tv show about someone that washed their hands a lot.

>>18239707
Thank you for giving me that word. I'm reading and this makes sense. It doesn't change that what I did was horrible but I have no option but to continue living and I feel like I might have a clearer outlook if I wasn't being mental about it.

>>18239707
No need to react so harshly, guy. I was just trying to encourage the OP to seek help; not trying to "Redefine" anything.