Get it off your chest

I wish there was a way to help you be more introspective. I want to be a better partner for you, but I'm not sure how to do that when most of my questions are met with "idk". I don't know how to satisfy your wants and needs if not even you know what they are.

Also, it really hurt me when you laughed at my insecurity last night.

A while ago i was in a very fucked up depressed mood and visited "massage parlor" twice and got handjobs they were my first time with other people. I feel its broken something inside my heart. I am disgusted at myself and i deserve it 100%. I dont know how to move on or start a relationship knowing i have done this (only handjobs luckily) disgusting thing. God I have sinned, you were always right. I seek forgiveness every day.

I'm so happy at the moment. I finally got a gf, I'm not a virgin anymore, and I just feel and look good now. You know how I got all of these things? 4chan. I know its lame asking 4chan for help about girls but you guys really did help. I feel smarter about the world because of 4chan. Seriously thank you, you guys got my life together. Love you, honestly do.

>>18237025
Congratulations to you anon, may more blessings come your way.

Girlfriend wants to fuck another girl before settling down with me. She is bisexual and feels like she wont get another chance

I know most people would be all for this and honestly, im really on the edge. I value monogamy too much and want her all to myself.

This girl is fucking perfect, I have never had a girlfriend that was also my best friend. It isn't uncommon for us to pause a movie we watch and talk about random shit for 3 or 4 hours. This, combined with the gut busting laughter that always ensues.

We've already talked about marriage and kids. We share virtually all the same values. We even lived together briefly but had to move back in with our parents due to finances.

I just don't know what to do. My options are to let her do it, and feel like shit.

Take a break and let her do it, and feel like shit.

Convince her not to do it, and make her feel like shit now, or down the road.

We could do a threesome, which I have no idea if I could even handle.

Or break up. I just don't have a fucking clue what to do. I don't even want anyone else.

>>18237050
If you aren't comfortable with it, tell her that. It's up to her to decide if it's more important to her to be in a relationship with you or explore her bisexual fantasies.

>>18237029
Its all thanks to you

>>18237075
Congratulations anon may you pay your debt by helping those who need it here. The sentence is life.

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>>18237008
I'm so mad at how my social circle is not being like I'm trying to make it be.
I try to be good to people but it turned out to be something so expected by them I just end up looking normal.
But when they are being total fuckfaces to my bitch ass and I point them out some closer friends go ''hurr ur just neurotic ppl don't have 2 b like u''. I mean, this nigga straight up stole my shit, why should I be chill about it?
ffs just ask

You may call me a pushover who's overthinking other people's non-pushoverness.

I want to see what the hell happens when I turn into a selfish misanthropic pseudo-intelectual piece of shit, then they'll see the deal with me not wanting to stop ''being so nice''.

I hope you're doing okay now, M. You seem to be fine and happy without me, even though your testing weeks are coming up soon. Don't even think about me, I wouldn't want you to suffer like me right now. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of you. Even in my sleep, you still follow me around like a shadow. I can't even escape you in my dreams, your smile is just as warm as it was the first time we talked. I'll be gone soon, since I'm not planning on continuing my life without you. I'm just waiting to get deployed so I can find my destiny out there. For a moment, you gave me hope and you gave me a purpose in life. Even though it was brief, you made me feel like the happiest man in the world, and I regret that I never made you felt like you did. Funny how I never even thought about settling down and starting a family until you brought it up that one night. Audrey and Mathis? The two people we were going to bring to this world together... wonder where it all went. And it's funny how you were the one that was madly in love with me at first, but now we switched roles. I hope you're doing fine and I'm sorry for everything. I just want to say thank you for giving me the best years of my life. I grew up always struggling with family and other circumstances, but for a brief moment, you made me forget all of my problems and made me feel like I was on top of the world. I hope you achieve your goals and find happiness in life, and I hope you find a man who isn't afraid to show the world that he loves and will love you even more than I could. I hope you live a happy life.

-J

So it's been a few months now and I'm feeling better, at least I'm feeling some hope for the future. Overall things are really good except for some anxiety about moving, I just wish I could finally shake you out of my head. I don't think about you nearly as often as I did but I still do think and dream about you a lot and it's painful and embarrassing for me. I guess now you've become more of an idea in my head rather than the person that hurt me. Maybe you've always been that and that's why I liked you so much, I just blinded myself to all your hurtful parts. After all this it just feels like you meant so much to me but I meant nothing to you and I guess that's what hurts me so much.

Why the fuck is this happening to me?

First a close friends mother dies.

Then two days later, A family friend is in the hospital with breast cancer.

And later that same fucking day, I find out that another close friends co-worker was hit by a car and may not make it. (This friend is an EMT and responded to the call, and she worked on the guy. Who was also in the department. So, he was one of their own. And she worked on him. And isn't sure if hell make it.)

>>18237022
Don't be so hard on yourself. Granted it was lame, that doesn't stop you from getting bonded to someone and eventually fugging them. You're not as disgusting as you think. You CAN move on. Just don't let it affect your next social interactions. It can't actually affect them if you make sure not to let them. Its not like its written in your forehead.

Just keep swimming.

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I'm going to be a little gushy over a new friend.
She is honest to goodness amazing. She has so much energy and goes out hiking or some other outdoor physical activities every weekend and she's really passionate about it. What I really admire about her is how sincere she is when she interacts with others. She has tons of friends but it seems like she appreciates every single one of them. Whenever she sees me, she gives me a huge smile and waves at me and her sincerity makes me return a huge, sincere smile right back at her.
I'm a guy, but I can't even see her in a romantic way because of how awesome she is. She is so out of my league that I can't even consider it, not to mention I highly doubt I could keep up with her high energy lifestyle.

She's really cool.

I wish I was strong enough to say goodbye to toxic people in my life.

>>18237272
I did it and at first I felt guilt and shit nut after you realise that fuck them your life is great without them. Do it now, you weren't born to suffer. You are always 100% in control of how you live your life given your circumstances, that 100% is sacred, don't give it away to undeserving people.

I hate the gulty I'm feeing upon me because i believe in god and the apocalypse and read about that buried me in a terrible depression.

I don't even know who I'm apologizing to, but I'm sorry. I was supposed to be so much better than this, I've let myself and everyone around me who I planned to help down. People who know me may think we'll of me, but I know that I'm no good.

>>18237174
You should tell her one day off the cuff that you think she's damn impressive what she does and you respect that she's so amazing and impressive. I'm sure she'll appreciate it?

Not really a rant but projecting my insecurity here. Was chatting to a girl I like and managed to get her to describe me in one word and she said lovable, that's friendzone shit, right?

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>you will never meet someone
>even if you do they will likely cheat on you and deceive you

>>18237305
Not necessarily

Im a loser and would really like to kill myself. I'm 30 with a BA in acting, stuck in Chicago because I thought I would 'make it doing comedy' but I'm barely holding onto one part time job and asking my parents for money. I haven't spoken to my mother in months and my father doesn't like talking to me because I'm depressed all the time. I would love to be dead instead of trying to pull myself out of this hole.
Fuck.

You posted elsewhere about all the people you fucked behind my back when i thought we were together, that you found it funny that I didn't know. I knew enough to see through the bullshit and constant diversions. The jokes on (you), being a player on a welfare check is going to take you real far.

The reason why we broke up was because i grew apart from you. I felt like I was growing as a person but all the time I put into supporting you would go nowhere. At times I felt like you were regressing and going backwards. This would annoy me but I tried to not let it show.
I wish we broke up sooner because I didn't realise that you were so dependent on me to deal with every little thing, and that I couldn't be happy without feeling like I have to tread eggshells around you.

I think relationships should be about helping each other grow to be even more amazing people, not a crutch to keep you afloat. I understand shit happens, but constantly? Its selfish and drains on the other person.

I know if I contact you now, I'll feel like crap because you've gotten worse and I'll just end up pitying you.
I'd absolutely love to find out that you're okay and doing better than you ever were before. But all signs pointed to no.
Ill just feel disappointed if I find out that you never learned anything while we were together.

I need to stop drinking.
It numbs it all while I'm out and about, it makes it possible for me to tolerate being out with people, but when I get back to my bed, alone.
It just makes me more depressed than I've ever been. And the only person I have left that I feel comfortable enough being that sad drunk with I can feel getting sick of my shit.
I've already lost a couple friends to unloading my drunk depression on them.

>>18237321
Don't give yourself that hard of a time. You've tried. Teaching someone who just can't figure out how to fucking learn the thing you're teaching and become independent is a hopeless job. You'll just end up as crutch like you almost did. It was a great move going away. Just make sure not to think of it as a literal sin and more as a plan to help the other person become indepent, even if it means getting fucked by life once or twice after losing your tutor.

So, there's this girl that I have a crush on and I'm not sure what to do about it. I wouldn't want to let her know that I like her because I feel like she'll just stop talking to me. I try to distance myself from her, but at the same time, talk to her a lot when I see her. The way I see it, I have two options:

1.) Bite the bullet and ask her out.
2.) Accept the fact that she doesn't like me and move on.

I've been leaning toward the second option. Call me a pussy, but this is the way I am.

>>18237351
Ask yourself what kind of person you want to be. Do you want to be the type of person who recognizes that they're afraid but then pushes past it? Or do you want to be the type of person who lets fear control their life and is left forever wondering "what if I'd just asked her?" Once you decide what type of person you'd like to be, try and make your actions match that idea.

I made a complete ass out of myself again

>>18237357
Everybody has those moments. You're not a fuck-up or anything, you're just a human being

>>18237351
Bite the bullet. You can't accept something you're not sure. Don't you dare make the mistake many of us did. If you keep convincing yourself she doesn't like you that will end up coming to reality because of nervousness or other reasons.

If you spend the whole day shuffling words around you can make anything sound bad.

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>>18237008
How do I get out of the habit of studying 24/7 and hating myself when I'm not studying? I want to enjoy life again and not be worried about possibly failing a math class I haven't even enrolled in yet

>>18237317
Can you elaborate, it felt like a friendzoning

>>18237370
You're like the opposite of people who can't study. Wish i had your powers.

Joking aside though. You need to take breaks. For your physical and mental health. It'll ruin you otherwise.
Whether it's to go for a jog every few days or learning to draw or play an instrument or whatever I don't know.

But you need something that is productive but is still a break. I don't know about a social life and the rest. Maybe others can advise you on that. But I know that the people who study constantly need to give themselves a break or else they'll implode.

>>18237346
I know and you're right anon. It just sucks and pisses me off but then immediately just feel disappointed.
But it helps to hear someone else say it and phrase in their own way. Thanks anon.

Right before my dad killed himself he told me that when I was an infant my mom raped me in front of one of her friends for coke. Later she went to the doctor and told them that she was upset someone raped me and she got put on drugs for it.

>>18237399
Thank you anon.

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Broke AF, i can't get any job, in love with a girl in class which is very closed, have a test in two months to get a good job in the army but i do not feel stimulated to study. I really think i have depression, want to kill myself very hard

I am a creature of the sea
But giant squids still scare me

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>>18237420
you for sure have depression. start talking to some people you're close to about it and force yourself to go walk outside for at least 15 minutes a day. it actually helps trust me. i was locked in a depression for almost a year, had suicidal thoughts ect, but something about feeling connected with your surroundings and feeling the sun on your skin helps kick that fucking vampire sucking on your life energy out of your head. start making yourself uncomfortable, and just know your depression is trying to stop you from succeeding. you can do it.

>>18237374
Idk just sounds like something I would say to someone I had a crush on. Or a friend. I feel like that alone isn't enough to feel friend zoned.

it gets fucking dangerous and real when you say "I love you". I just hope you really understand the weight of those words.

Women in their early 20s just want to fuck around and that's fine, im not against that. BUt just don't fuck with peoples heads like this.

>>18237430
Those giant squids have their own fears. And if they don't, they're shallow and hollow.

Be the best creature you can be and never stop improving yourself, just be careful not to become a giant squid that people fear or dislike.

A small part of me wants to save you. Force you to be mine and show you that there are people who can be trusted. That not everyone lies and cheats. But I know you're set in your ways. That you will continue to be distant from any girl because you don't want to be hurt. And I won't be a part of that again. I can't save you. No girl can. You have to work on your insecurities yourself. But, in the mean time I will not aid in you acting like a shitty person. We made a mistake once. And I'm not sure why you want to repeat it. You are starting to become the thing you are afraid of. I won't become that too.

Why don't people like me? I try really hard to be a friendly person but everyone I meet seems to take an instant dislike to me. I don't get what I'm doing wrong. I just want to make some friends.

>>18237453
No shit nobody other than myself can pull myself out of it. Who said I'm being a shitty person you don't know that. How am I supposed to be trusting of people if that's how they've always treated me?

>>18237008
After years I've lost my obsession for a girl, but I now have an obsession with the girl I tried to replace her with even though at the time I didn't think she was enough

>>18237468
Dearest anon,
Be good because you want to be good. Making friends isn't the be all end all. That person you politely smile at might be having a terrible day or going through some really dark times, and people like you will give them a brief spark of happiness and hope.

I know it isn't much help, but you trying to be a good person is what this world needs.
I'm sorry it's so difficult, I feel it too, but just keep at it.

I'm going to a virgin for a long time
But ironically, I think I'm going to be old enough that it doesn't matter

30 something, 6 figure job, fit enough to have abs.
Do they care if I can't fuck right?

I am finally happy. Not the happiest person, I still have problems, but I am *finally* making progress after 7 years of deep depression. And, opposed to all my theories of "how it should be", it has a lot to do with a friend who is now my boyfriend.
For everyone out there, therapy and medication does make a big change, so don't be afraid to ask. Medications helps lift the fog and therapy makes you feel heard and it takes burdens off your shoulders.
<3

>>18237469
Not that anon, but holy shit.
Take a fucking look at yourself. You probably think you're so responsible for admitting they only you can save yourself, but then you finish by blaming others.
Until you relax and stfu with the bullshit and realise that it's on you not to take offence and be treated like shit, you ain't going nowhere.
If people toy with you again, you accept it and move on. Be mature about it, acceot that you got played, and move the fuck on. Its happening all the time to people. I'll respect someone for having the ability to be hurt and bounce back more then someone who was hurt a few times and never wants to be hurt again.

Before you say it, you're right. I'm oversimplifying it and overlooking various stuff. But just accept it. You need to actually face it and not think you're facing it. I know how that feels and you'll just go downwards until it's too late

I know the right path to take...

Quit smoking, pick up the dusty weights & bar in the garage, and plan my career out.

Unfortunately I am too caught up in trying to get laid or spending money on stupid shit. I keep falling under this delusion since I am young (21) that I have plenty of time to get it back together... time however keeps ticking and can never be recovered.

Willpower is all I need.

>>18237509
>Do they care if i fuck right?
They wont even know until you get them in the bed anyway :D

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>know exactly what i want/need from a relationship to feel happy and secure
>don't want to tell boyfriend because he would just be doing and saying things because i said it made me happy and wouldn't feel as genuine

k

>>18237528
That's an optimistic point of view that I like

Few would toss me out of bed, right, once they're in there?

>>18237530
Tell him
Nobody is real

If he can't "fake" being what you want, then he'll leave.
And you're no better off than you are now

>>18237521
You're at that age where... Give it a few months and you'll be thinking
"Nah, I'm too old to do anything now."

But if you know it's all there waiting for you, you just have to get up and do it. Just close everything down, switch on some music that you like and just get up and go for it. Seriously, if the thought comes into your head, just think of how good it'll feel to actually go and do it... And then i dare you not to just jump at that urge to do shit. The thought of getting everything back on track in a split second.

>>18237509
I didn't get with my current guy specifically because he was a virgin, but the fact that I've got a fetish for inexperienced dudes certainly didn't hurt

>>18237538
I've told him a few small things I like, and he hasn't really done them. I guess maybe I'm also worried that I'll tell him what makes me happy and he won't do it anyways

>>18237542
Like what?

And also tell him anyways
You're young enough
You can find some other guy who will

>>18237509
You know roughly where the penis goes right? And you know it kinda need to go in and out? And you know before that, you can play with their body to your hearts content bevause they also want that, right?

Well... Yeah. It won't matter at that point, just like the other anon saud. But you won't be terrible either if you know the basic stuff. You could pass as someone who just hasn't had it for a while and it'd be perfectly believable if you wanted to.

>>18237540
That sounds contradictory

Anyways, I'll have to lift more regardless.
Once I press double her weight, surely she can't reject me.

>>18237469
He wants to continually cheat on his gf and he called himself shitty. That's where that part came from.

>>18237321
If you are so concerned about their well being why not just ask how they are doing? How long has it been since you guys talked?

>>18237549
Should I lie then?
I'm 29.
Should I just say "Fuck, I lost my virginity when I was 15 and I've been so busy since"

Like, shit, I'm old enough that I really want a real relationship and not just a fuckhole for a night.
Should I lie and be honest later?
Or lie and have one night be good "enough"?

>>18237547
I've told him that giving me enough compliments will make me cry (from being overwhelmed by happiness, I'm dumb and can't handle him looking at me for too long either). I could've told him specifically what compliments mean a lot to me but I figured I would leave it more open and see what he did. I also told him I really like asking each other questions to kinda learn more about each other because it makes me feel closer to him. So far that kind of stuff hasn't happened, I'll get a compliment if I send him a pic but that's it

I don't know why, but I sometimes feel like their is a hole in my chest. Sometimes it just there, and other times it feels like it's getting bigger and Hate it.

>>18237559
Oi, I know you

You're that teen girl with bad hair who always floated around social circles but never joined any of them.

You read a lot of those YA books like Divergent or Hunger Games, or whatever the tuck kids are reading now

Look girl, you want to be the "Special".
But you ain't.
You're just you
Gotta deal with that.
It can be enough. It can be more than enough.

>>18237555
I'm not condoning lying. It isn't honest. I'm just saying that "detecting a virgin" isn't foolproof.
Also literally saying that will immediately make you look guilty..

It's probably best to brush it off and not be defensive about it. When it comes down to any actual business focus on making her feel good (read up on actual foreplay tips) and then hit her with the I'm actuslky a virgin. If you're at the point that you're in bed with someone that you want an actual relationship with, it won't matter like the other anon said.

>>18237571
I'm not sure what you're getting at. Are you suggesting I leave him or something?

>>18237577
Possibly.

You are acting like you're locked into having him as your partner and you have to either change him or be unhappy.

Think about that

Why are you saying that I am going to rape you? It was the coke addict who talks about third eyes and shit. I thought you were better than that.

>>18237572
I figure what you're thinking.

I'm a virgin like Dennis Reynolds is a rapist

Bisexual femanon here. Come to 4chan nightly to lurk around. Those b titties get me a lot and usually lead to me going to a thread and getting all hot and bothered. Usually just take care of myself, if I want to put in the extra effort I go wake up my husband with a wet surprise. Instead of feeling disgusted by looking at porn, I feel empowered for being able to make my body feel so good.

>>18237581
I don't feel like I'm stuck having him as my partner. Despite my frustrations, I want to be with him. I choose to be with him every day. I'm not going to leave him over something that I believe we can fix. We're young and both inexperienced with relationships. We just need to work on our issues

STOP PICKING YOUR GODDAMN NOSE AND FEET!!!! like fuck sakes how am i supposed to stay attracted to you??? I can see you playing with it with your fingers. And then you try to touch me?! I have to hold back puking every time. How do you not notice? Would it kill you to use a glass either? Burp under your breath instead of like some gaseous slob trying to communicate with satan? I can't deal with it anymore

>>18237590
So you want to fix your insecurity with him
Want him to tell you he's attracted to you in just the right way

You've done a good job telling us about it
I think I have a good picture of who you are
Does he?
Can he understand who you are and why you feel so uncomfortable about compliments?

I've been coming to 4chan for years on and off for some cool wallpapers but mostly /b and /gif for obvious reasons.

I had this sudden realization that if I were to fuck up at this point in my life (I have many times before but slowly corrected my course) then I could end up one of those boring pieces of trash you see on those forums. Like holy shit, real life talk. It's so easy to mess up big time and end up miserable for decades.

Time to double down on being a boss at the profession I'm training in.

Don't stay idle for too long people. Keep your goals in sight and always aim to better your life.

Have any of you anons ever feel like suffocating when you feel really fine?

The guy that i thought will be the last person in my life broke up with me and said he is over me already. He even suggested me to delete his number and to not contact him again. I still love him to be honest, and i feel broken. But at the same time i feel okay.

I really want to text him again, hear his voice and to hold him again. Is that weird to still have lingering attachment to him?

>>18237588
Go get /fit/ nigger
Coming home from the gym feels so gooood

>>18237598
Yes
Your feelings are right
And during that path, you will feel doubt
Like "I don't really like this" or "I can't do this"
Keep going anyways

You don't want to end up 30 with half of a career
Haha
Who would end up like that
Surely they'd kill themselves

>>18237597
>So you want to fix your insecurity with him

I'm not sure if it's quite that. Even though compliments make me uncomfortable, they also make me really happy. I start crying because I can't handle the happiness. Same goes for when he looks into my eyes for too long, it's like I can't handle the fact that someone like him is actually looking at me in that way.

My issue is that I've been feeling like he could be doing a better job of connecting with me, but I'm not sure how to tell him because I can't shake this feeling that if I tell him how to connect with me, if he does those very things I might feel like he's only doing them because I said to. But I also feel like that shouldn't really matter and, if anything, should mean more because he's going out of his way to do the things that specifically make me feel happy and connected

>>18237601
No it's not weird
It's just life
I broke up a with a person a couple years ago
Felt real bad about it
Couldn't contact them

I went jogging by the place where we'd meet with a big frown
Like it mattered how my face looked. Like they'd be there
I jogged by that place for months

It didn't mattered.
I got over them

It doesn't matter over time

>>18237609
You don't have to to tell him what to do, per se
Just that you want to do more things with him

Like what's the end goal here?
That he looks at you but you know he's looking at the real you?
Spend more time together
Talk to each other

That boundary between "you" and the real you will erode

You feel like you only have him because he likes the persona you've pretended to be
Be the real you with him a few times
See how he reacts
You'd be surprised that he might have always known the real you

i am confused and sad

>>18237602
I'm so pale people make albino jokes. I do home workouts so I can strip out of my sweaty clothes immediately for a shower. I don't think I could handle myself showering at a gym. The temptation of other naked girls would get me thrown out.

>>18237624
I think you've got a point. I definitely had more issues with putting on a persona towards the beginning of our relationship. I thought I was past that, but maybe by not being clear with him about what I want/need from him, I'm still not being the real me. I'll work on being more open and expressing my needs to him and see what happens. I'm worried that he won't meet them, or won't try to, but it's better to say what I want and give him the chance rather than staying in my current situation

>>18237631
w h y

>>18237642
Better to try and fail, mate, then be something fake

When you meet someone who sees the real you, jeezum crow, it's a ride
You're over the moon.

>>18237481
Interesting...

>>18237633
The receptionist at my last gym was literally an albino
And she led the weekend bootcamps
Literally an albino. Hot as fuck in my opinion.

You pale folk have nothing to be afraid of. Paleness is NOT a negative. Never has been.

Go and do girl exercises.
Your body will get hot.

You'll learn to get home while feeling stinky
I never showered at the gym. Like I'm going to get in the showers with those drooping balls old men. Shiiiiiit

I finally realized. I can't move on. He quickly forgot me and found another woman. I tried to prove myself I too could do it. But whenever a guy tries to get close to me, I panic.
I can't forget and I can't move on.

>>18237659
Yeah it's taken me a while, but I've slowly been working on being more vulnerable with him. Only reason I've been doing that is because there's some crazy connection I feel with him. If there's anyone I could be real with, I really think it's him. Just gotta keep that in mind when I start getting nervous

im white as a motherfucker (Aryan, blonde hair/blue eyes/pasty skin) and I feel attraction to anything besides white women. I love latin girls, African American, Arabic, etc.

>>18237670
I hope you make it, bro
If you have a real spark with him, then it's worth all the effort in the world.
Don't waste yourself on him, but man if you feel it worth while, do it

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Dad,

The way you treated me growing up hurt me a lot. You were never around, and when you were around you were screaming at me or hitting me. You never missed an opportunity to humiliate me, oe call me lazy and irresponsible. I always did everything you asked of me, i helped you build houses and took care of your property. You always put me down for only doing chores when told, but that wasnt fair. I was trying to be a kid, i wasnt thinking about what needed to be done at your houses. Anytime anyone told you i was a hard worker, you would tell them they were wrong, and that i was a lazy kid. Even after i'd do what you'd asked of me, you'd tell me i was worthless. You said your father treated you worse than youve treated me, but that doesnt make it right. You're an adult, you knew how much you were hurting me, and you did it anyway.

>>18237669
I repeat this a lot, but the gym helps
Not calling you fat

But going to the gym, especially while thin, makes you not only look better, but feel better

Feeling more attractive makes you more attractive and more willing to accept others

You can do it fembot

insecurity has ruined all the opportunities life presented and they haven't been presented again
i look back on things i did even months ago where my insecurities must have been so glaringly obvious it makes me wanna die
i fucking hate being like this
i constantly want to blame the way my parents raised me, but at the end of the day thats in the past and now it's me doing it to myself

>>18237682
Thin people dont need to be in the gym, unless they want to be a fucking skeleton, unless they have a calorie surplus to make up for it

i don't have much to get off my chest

>>18237690
EDIT: Forgot to add im not the girl

>>18237690
Thin people absolutely need to go to the gym

Skeltals are nearly as ugly as fatsos.
Yes, you need to eat a ton to be really fit

But a skinny fit restricted by diet is better than a skinny nothing

>>18237697
Oh as in lift? yes of course. Thought he meant running or something

>>18237697
how about people who physically can't eat enough to bulk? i've been skelly all my life because growing up i couldn't eat past a certain point without wanting to puke
the only thing i can eat at a calorie surplus is garbage junk food which obviously is just going to make me worse

>>18237714
Me too mate
Been liftin about a year
Shit progress

Because I'm not eating enough
My next year, gonna eat a lot
We gotta get through that problem to get big and really attractive

I can do it. I've been working up to it. Can you?
We can do it, mate.
We can get big
We can make it

>>18237714
Not him, but you must eat meals that have a high calorie content. A huge cheeseburger for example. Or you could try one of those weight gain shakes or whatever they are

>>18237707
Lifting and running

Running is never wrong
Yes it leeches gains
But cardio is always good for health
Compare stamina to a normalfag
Someone who is totally sedentary
They fun 15 feet and have to clutch their chest

Being able to run a mile in even 15 minutes is fitter than 90% of people.

Be fit.
If you're fat, do lifts. You'll gain like crazy
If you're thin, do lifts, and eat like a fucker
Always do cardio. Thin people will do it easy, fat people will hate that be the hard part.
It's always worth it

>>18237726
I do not recommend doing both running and lifting. Running on top of it will steal yo calories. A warmup is always fine however

>>18237743
Running and lifting is fine
So long as you eat a SHIT TON

Otherwise running and lifting will make you thinn

>>18237745
Boi you would eat faster than your wallets could keep up with

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In the end the abortion happened for a reason. Maybe some day we can talk about it like 2 adults. Maybe someone you'll realize that you too were being immature. That things fell apart not from my needs, nor your neglect or vice versa. No. It's the saddest of truths that 5 months since we broke up. I have changed, the time without you hurt me. A lot, but I came to realize that we did love each other. Very much so, but we were still stuck as teenagers. It's a sad truth when 2 two who love each other do nothing but hurt and hold each other back.

The baby wouldn't have saved us. A part of me wished it did. Like I told you when we found out you were pregnant. I was ready to put aside my dreams, for yours and the wellbeing of the baby, our baby. You denied the results of the tests and broke down in fear that your life was over.

No, don't try to place your guilt on me. Don't try to tell me that you did it for me. No, your first reaction was about your school, your job and your body. It wasn't about us. There was no me then.

Even now, you ignored me for months when all I wanted was to talk things out and maybe try to get past this as a team. You ignored me and you made yourself feel bad for treating me like shit. You walked away because I was immature. Yeah, I was, and still am. But so are you. Maybe someday youll see that.

Maybe someday you'll just contact me and say "hey anon, want to talk?" Or even "hey, how are you?"
Instead of "Told u it was not gonna be okay to have Donald Trump as president". No hello, or anything.

Maybe someday, but it's obviously not today. I used to make time for you because I wanted nothing more but to spend time with you. Now, I have to give time to myself. I don't have time for small talk. If you really want to talk. You know exactly how to reach me. For now I will take a page put your book, and just focus on myself and other things. Not you, not anymore.

Fuck, your touch reminded me of how lonely I was. I just hope that you know that I care about you as much as you do about me.

>>18237757
Yep
That's me
I tried to lift as a poor fag
But my budget did not allow

I mean shit, do you know how much pure chicken breast costs?

>>18237769
You were right to not have that child

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>always turn off dorm's bathroom light because I don't want to see self in the mirror
>dormmate finally snaps "GIRL, YOU'RE NOT UGLY! THERE'S ACTUAL UGLY PEOPLE YOU SHOULD FEEL SORRY ABOUT!"
>this is basically the only input I've gotten in years, besides another kindly roommate of mine who makes it a point to say I look cute sometimes
>some girls flirted with me in high school, a beautiful one asked me out for some reason, and a shy guy awkwardly did the same
>this no longer happens; I feel as if my looks went to shit
>and yet looks attract a ton of attention. I feel like a fucking freak or something, doesn't matter what body part of mine is being looked at
>not even imagining it; both guys and girls sometimes just stare at me for ridiculous periods of time in class and other places. I assume it's just my eyes playing tricks on me and continue note-taking till I look up and catch their eyes
>I know I must look really bad because no guy ever approaches me (outside of doing passively nice things for me)
>all my roommates who look very diverse have someone barking up their trees; some of these suitors don't even know their personalities
>I don't

I used to just not care and be relaxed and cheerfully devious, but this college atmosphere is...conditioning me into caring. Feeling anxious. And it doesn't make sense. I think more about sex than romance; I'm thirsty like a marooned fish. I'm lonely, too, but this is cuz I've no real confidant in my life. I mainly just need a good friend. But, no. Broken as I am, my heart's weak, and it's too receptive to warm ideas. Like ideas of love.

Fucking hate being this way.
>tfw as a kid you thought you'd never care, never marry
>tfw if it's really genuine and I actually genuinely need romance, it doesn't matter because I like guys totally unlike myself and that in itself is an unreasonable expectation

We tend to become like the people to whom we're the most connected.

We went to dinner and talked for two hours, shared a lot of ourselves and our experiences. Some wonderful, some horrible.
Near the end, we came to a fountain and debated how best to wish for something for the universe.

Instead of throwing my penny into the fountain, I gave it to you and said I just wanted to see you again.

I didn't see you again for 6 weeks and had been lead to believe you'd ghosted me for someone you thought was your 'soulmate'. We happened to be walking the same way, and even though I was annoyed and hurt, I felt the compulsion to talk to you.


The next night, we're under the stars. You tell me how you want unconditional love, to be able to travel for a month and come back home to someone who loves you. I tell you love doesn't work that way.
And with travelling specifically, we tend to leave pieces of ourselves abroad, and our feelings for those at home are diluted.

I talk to a friend about how what I want out of a relationship is a quiet, peaceful, comforting night. The last I had was years ago with a girl I loved. We'd fallen asleep to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind.

You came over one night. I wanted to explain something to you, but instead..we ended up watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
We fell asleep.

You left for a month, traveled overseas. I stayed home.
Went to bars and clubs, met new girls, but you were on my mind.
Eventually, a woman I was talking to wanted to hear my story. I told her everything I knew.
I told her how I wasn't sure if I wanted to pursue you or let you go. I told her I didn't know how I felt.

She told me I loved you.

You came home and told me you didn't have feelings for me anymore.

Here I am, stuck with this untold story, thinking you may be as cynical and detached as I used t be.

And here I am, believing in love and hoping for some help from the universe.

>>18237810
Go to Frosh shit mate
Or just clubs

And talk to people
Even if you're alone
Just go up to people in a party type/club type scenario

You can tell how they react how you really look

I'm a lot older than you and that's what I regret.

>>18237839
Sounds like you got fucked, bud

I've been in your shoes
Been with someone I can feel that understands me and understand that I get her.
We're too peas in a pod
We get each other

But then she leaves and doesn't look back

That's life
It sucks
It's often onesided

That girl you talked to, that told you were in love. Yeah she wanted your dick.
Maybe she could have loved you too

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Ddjdjddjjduufdsvsabvhxhhysusuajaajajansnsnsbsbbhhdxhyyydyyshehwvevegdgdgdgdh a yauauimbe d dxbxnzus77e72727qquauuucuduehebbbevevegwgedevdvdebeberbrvrrvrvrbrhehrrhrhrhreheheh

Fuck

>>18237864
She didn't want my dick, she was twice my age and introduced me to her husband.

A small part of me doesn't want to accept she's completely gone.
I still see her around. She doesn't smile at me or start a conversation, the way I didn't.

Maybe if I just say to her what I wish she'd said to me.

It sucks when I have a dream about her. All this time of managing to make myself feel better and motivating myself out of that hole of depression. And now, slipping back into it while constantly thinking about her again, wondering if I could see her again, feeling so desperate.

I hate that feeling. I was wrong then, and it's bullshit.
Dream practically ruined my entire day.

You're my best friend and I love you. I'm the reason you're alive today and I have been there for you every step of the way. Please don't play me, all I ask is that you're genuine.

Every since the burglary I've been suffering massive panic attacks and losing sleep at night. My work is suffering and I think I'm becoming seriously depressed.

I don't know what to do or how to face the person who did this. Nothing feels right anymore.

I miss you so fucking much. I know you probably don't even think about me much anymore, but I just can't get you off my mind. I always thought due being such a huge pervert and introvert that I would die alone, but you gave me a chance. Sure, It was mostly because you were in a really shitty place as well but that doesn't change what it became and could have been If I could have just been more honest with you. Yes, I had a lot of problems with the whole polyamory thing and I should have told you that up front instead of trying to be cool about it. I just didn't want to lose you, I was so scared of being alone again but sure enough I went and fucked it up anyway. That last argument was stupid and we both knew it, yet I was just so exasperated that I didn't want to keep heading down that road. Now that I look back I realize how much you truly loved me, I mean shit, if you didn't you wouldn't have gave me so many chances to make it right. Sure, It's been about three years now and we rarely talk anymore but you are still the only thing keeping me going as my life slowly falls apart at the seems. I'd sell all my possessions to get back what we had, None of it really means shit anyway. Whatever you happen to be up to these days I hope you're happy. I hope you're in a place where you can feel content.

A guy I've been interested in said that eating pussy does nothing for him and that's such a fucking turn off for me. Fuck off with that shit.

Honestly people that see oral as a chore can get the fuck out. It's selfish and shows that you really don't care about pleasing your partner.

>>18237025
>I'm not a virgin anymore
CONGRATS ON THE SEX
kek

>>18237050
>I value monogamy
And she apparently does not.
Don't do this. You will never forgive her deep inside. Tell her 'settle down with me now and it will be great, or go sow your oats, and have a good life.'
Do not put yourself through suffering.

Just found out a secret that changed how I view an old friend. Holy shit do I feel like i'm in a major soap opera love triangle and I hate soap operas. But I am very confused about my feelings I know I'm tired and should sleep but I can't stop crying because of so much diabetes.

i just keep on keeping on, i don't even know why anymore, the only thing i look forward to anymore is a beer in the afternoon.but i've stuck it out this long so i guess i'll just keep on keeping on

I wish you weren't a fucking lesbian.

>>18238093
I like to go to random traffic intersections at night and watch the cars go by for a few cycles. You might get lucky and see a party car roll by and even say something to you.

I miss you, Alex.
But at the same time, I don't.

After your little girl died you became a RAGING FUCKING DICK and I'm glad we're no longer friends. Granted, I understand why you became one -- That girl was your whole world... But after she passed, that softness I knew and loved melted away and your true self emerged.

If you ask me, you didn't deserve such a loving child.

Fuck you, you fucking dick.

-----------

Fuck this UTI, and fuck my body's ability to catch one so easily. I know it's my fault with the choices of drink, but I wish it wasn't that way. I don't want to ask my PCP for more antibiotics as he probably thinks I'm a pill popper anyway.

Also, fuck the other doctor for not refilling my Lamictal. I guess y'all wanted me to go back to the hospital, huh? Well you failed, bitches.

--------

And lastly, fuck my first (now ex) boyfriend. You're damaging my chances with this guy we're both friends with because you think I'm still the person I was when I was 17-18. Dude-- GROW THE FUCK UP and STOP SABOTAGING ME.

Thanks, OP.

I have a loving bf who just got clean off pills after years but now he doesn't have the time of day to spend with me, because i'm an alcoholic. I feel so used. I am almost 30 and all I want to do is kill myself. We keep telling each other it's going to get better someday but I never believed it.

I know when you flirt with me. I'm not an idiot or trying to brush you off. It's just your not her and I feel nothing for you.

I feel like we're at a crossroads, and I've trapped you in an unwinnable situation.

I know you've been in a shitty home situation for a while now, and you've had plenty of personal self-identity issues as a result of your upbringing. I know you don't like me bringing it up like that, but you can't tell me it's not true and that it doesn't affect you. It does. I just wish that the difference in our lives wasn't such a mark against me. I do my best not to hold your circumstances against you - why is something that I cannot help held against me so much?

You're isolated from the friends you hold dear, and the immediate family you know offers no solace or comfort. I feel like you simply can't understand the rapport I have with my own family, having grown up under their care. You seem like you struggle to understand why I hold their opinions and requests in such high esteem, and why I want to spend so much time with them.

That extends to my friends as well. I don't want or expect you to like all of my friends - hell, I know I don't like everything about them. But I'm not responsible for policing their behaviour. I'll defend you if I feel like they attack you, but I can't hold myself responsible for merely spending time with them if they fight among themselves. I can't keep isolating myself from the people I know, for reasons that - I suspect - originate from the fact that you yourself feel isolated. I wonder sometimes if you just want me to feel the same way, being so hard-line about who you make friends with.

And your depression and suicidal tendencies make me think that I'm becoming your crutch, your one glimmer of hope to get out of the shitty life situation you've been forced into. That pressure hanging over our relationship makes me worry for the future. The fact you're moving countries, leaving behind friends and family for me, makes it even worse. I have to live up to that example, to be worth the cost.

I worry for our future together, now that it's so near.

>>18237782
As fucked up as it seems and how it seems to have impacted us. I had a fear that we would have been a broken family. I didn't want to put the child through that. Although I regret not just saying "have the kid, and then give the kid to me if you are so worried about your life."

Being a single father would have probably been hard, but I was willing to change whatever to ensure its happiness.

Sadly things did not play out that way.

I dont have a job, i dont need a job, i am financially stable, i feel like i am not enough for women because i dont have one.

>>18238534
It's women that go out and actively seek men to live with because they don't make enough on their own. The women in your position who barely make ends meet, aren't looking for men for the same reasons. People who are active in the dating scene like to signal that they are ambitious because you need to be in order to start a family. There would be a dating service for NEETs if it worked. There is probably something like it in /soc/, idk.

>>18238534
Women enjoy going on dates so they look for a man with a form of transportation and a job even if they already have both. Not sure what you're looking to hear but >>18238553 was right about the NEET thread on /soc/. Maybe pay it a visit and see what other women think..granted they'll be lonely NEETs, too,>>18238534 so I'm not sure how far you'll get.

>>18238566
Phone messed up, sorry about that.....

My new job now wants to hold me back on another training and now I want to quit altogether. I told my boss I wasn't ready for a secondary training until I got actual practice on the first one, and my new trainer is actually giving me practice. So I told her by weekend of the new training I'd be ready and now she wants to push it off. Buy if I don't get this training in a month they'll fire me, and we're not sure they have another training within that time. I'm just annoyed she won't listen to me at all and keeps telling me she knows better. It's been a week.

Flattered that people want to be me so much that they go around pretending to be me <3 Your lives must be pretty shitty

>>18238553
>>18238566
I know enough.

>>18238738
Well yeah. I mean if you're not missing out on much either way, there is nothing wrong if you are just content to take care of yourself and consume memes all day.

Wait I know who it is now. You fucked up

In all these songs there is a common theme... that there is someone out there that will catch me if I were to fall. Someone waiting for me.

Who the fuck are they?

Not sure where to ask this.

How do I deal with an old classmate who is accusing me of threats of rape? I never made a move on her or try to do anything and it's ruining my reputation.

>>18238868
There is not much you can do about it.

In Germany you could go to the police and report her because of "Rufmord" not sure if something similar is excisting in your country Google translates this to character assassination sound really questionable.
Or you either search for something that you can use to blackmail her.
Or you confront her and ask her why she does such things

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>>18238868
Well the cat never goes back in the bag anon. You know what to do.

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The more I learn about myself, the more I interact with others, the more it seems like I have AvPD.
I already had a problem with social anxiety and avoiding things. I finally dealt with it enough to be functional in society, but I still have a very pervasive inability to feel close to people. I keep everyone at arm's length, including family. It's become apparent that I have a different outlook on interpersonal relationships than everyone else. I've never had friends. The few girls I've dated I never really felt close to, rather I felt attached out of fear of being alone again.

I don't want to give up though. I want to keep trying and trying to open up to people. I want to be friendly and feel close to everyone. I may never become extroverted, but I want to at least enjoy the company of others who I may not know very well. I want to be the one who paves new paths, not the one who waits for someone to go first so I won't look stupid.

I am 29, I still love a girl from highschool, we are only friends though
I have an ok job but its soul crushing, getting up everyday is an agony
I have lost all hope of ever finding a gf, getting married, family...
I have no friends, the only way to make friends these days is to socialise, go out get drunk. I hate doing that.
Most people are fucking retarded and boring.
I dont know what the fuck I should do with my life and where to go next

>>18238884
I always enjoyed company of other people but i never really participated in a conversation, it was always akward for the other person just talking to someone who just says "yes" "okay" and never addes something to the conversation
I was always in fear saying something wrong or i always feared that the person doesn't even want to hear my shit.

After sometime the people gave up with me and called me the "quite one" and kind of did not want to speak with me.
They also said that i'm a cold person and that i have no intrest in anything they say but that is just wrong.

Because i never talked much people left me alone and i became for a long time really alone.

At some point i realized that doing nothing and waiting for a person that will talk to me won't happen so i randomly joined Teamspeak Servers and talked to people to build up conversation skills and to develop something where i can relate to people.

Maybe doing the same thing will help you to not be so distant anymore?

>>18238909
>I have no friends, the only way to make friends these days is to socialise, go out get drunk. I hate doing that.

How about joining a club?
I learned a lot of new people from playing football or golf.

>I have lost all hope of ever finding a gf, getting married, family...

If you can't find one in your area use dating sites.
A lot of people use dating sites like Tinder and shit.

>>18238909
>I have an ok job but its soul crushing, getting up everyday is an agony
>I have lost all hope of ever finding a gf, getting married, family...

I am sure some moneygrabbers are willing to date you,just look in the comments above you, you are a sack of shit not even worth looking at if you dont have a job, fuck that your job causes you agony all that matters is that you can buy them those prada and gucci articles because they think being unemployed means you have no money either, fuck these kinds of cunts trying to break us guys.

>I dont know what the fuck I should do with my life and where to go next

Try awareness meditation or go out volunteering to find a purpose.

>>18238915
I can carry a conversation just fine. There's just a step between acquaintance and friend that I just can't seem to take. The more I talk to someone, the more I don't want to say anything. I even have problems going to the same place twice in too short of time because I don't want to be recognized (like the local barber).

I've been trying to take an interest in people themselves rather than just seeing them as something I need to "deal" with and I've made marginal progress but progress nonetheless. It doesn't help that I'm a commuter in college so I'm not forced to interact with people by living on on campus.

Well you're gone from my life now. It's over. It sucks that in a course of a few days everything could change. I got sick of going back and forth. It hurts so much because I loved you and I gave so much of my being for you. You probably don't give any fucks anymore. You're fucked up in the head anyways. I am too. Guess this is why this didn't work. It's such a weird feeling now that you're gone. I've changed and still changing. I'm not the same person as before. I feel more jaded and lifeless. I wish I didn't believe so much in you and us because now it's just over. Like nothing happened..... like absolutely nothing happened. No love, no feelings, no puregood energy... all I can do is move on now. Goodbye darling.

So the girl that I was infatuated with and thought might be interested in me has a boyfriend. She never told me about him, but they do hang out a bit so maybe she expected me to assume they were together. IDK though, it still seems like she likes me in some way, so I'm not sure if I should keep pursuing her like I have been. We talk over Snap and FB a couple times a week plus in person when we have our club meetings, so I'm in contact with her quite a bit. Not sure what to do, advice is of course appreciated.

Also, I think this girl gave me an Asian fetish. I feel guilty about it, but I just seem to be especially attracted to Asian girls now because of her. Is this wrong?

>>18239030
I have been in similar situation and my advice forget her.

>>18238967
gayest, edgiest shit I have ever read. Do you still listen to Slipknot per chance?


I've been feeling better. This week has been overload. You're still on my mind, all in the long run. Hope you're doing well. This website is toxic and there's too many people trying to pretend to be me (idk why, it's cute more than anything). Everyone have a nice day

>>18238967
replying to this again because this is just that fucking gay. Wannbe assassians creed character

Love uuu.

I just fucking hate everything right now. For the past few months, my life was filled with fear, hatred and uncertainty.

I have been working so hard to get that fucking degree, that has proven to be useless and can't land any single job. All of that pain for nothing.

Then I decided to lenghten my studies in order to get a degree in something that is actually sought by the labour market. I have the last few months revising business schools contests, sending CV to land an apprenticeship contract and understanding what the actual fuck HR departments really want.

And they want someone that is mentally healthy, has acquaintances and job experience in their work area and a sport activity. Guess what, I have 3 years flipping burger in a fast food and a warehouse worker experience. Besides that, I have no sports or friends

>>18239188
You fucking think YOUR LIFE IS FEAR, HATRED AND UNCERTAINTY?!?!

My fucking life mang, MY FUCKING LIFE. You want to know what it feels like to be the chosen one to save the world from thermonuclear destruction?

It sucks.

I want to die.

>>18239100
I can't really forget her since we see each other every week, and we've already built up some sort of relationship so it'd be a bit weird to just cut contact. Of course, it's also hard for me to just give up on her since I'm so infatuated.

I can't stop thinking to someone who's 10 years younger than me. We're both adults, but I can feel his immaturity in all aspects of life. I absolutely don't plan to romance him and I would probably refuse sex. However, this makes me feel weird and a lot less confident than before. This is just really annoying and I hope to recover soon enough.

I now fear that I may be a toxic friend. I've been ghosted twice now by the same two friends, we were a group of 3. I wasn't told why, either time. There was no warning of any sorts that something was wrong. Both times it was out of fucking no where, and can't correct whatever it is because they never told me. I can't correct it and I feel the need to say I'm sorry about whatever it was made you guys go away.

someone please prove to me that Renren is alive... please. Please prove it to me.

She can't be dead. What killed her? Was she murdered? Cancer?

Or did she kill herself because of me? Did I.. I did kill her didn't I? How I reacted, those things I said.

God please just prove to me shes alive.

fuck this fucking game.

I hate all of you for doing this. This is cruel beyond anything I could imagine. Fuck you. Fuck all of you.

You're not gonna kill yourself; fucking attention whore. You would've killed yourself already if you were as serious as you said you are. Stop trying to play me with the emotional blackmail, you should've known by now I honestly don't give a fuck about who you are and what you do.

Cunt

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>mfw I realized that I will never have children of my own.
I'm 23, and I have never even held hands with a girl.
I saw my cousin this weekend, who is only 4 years older than me, and already has a wife and a 9 months old daughter. He was engaged to his wife at my age. I am happy for him, but at the same time, I feel like utter shit.
I am a failed male.
But, I guess not all of us are meant to reproduce after all. It just leaves me to wonder why do I exist then. If I cannot have a family, there is little reason for me to exist.

you know, the best thing I got out of our relationship was all the clothes hangers you left behind. I was always short on hangers. no longer, huzzah

>>18239407
>things will always be exactly like they are now
wrong.

also, if things ever get so bad that you decide to end it, do us all a favor and take soros with you.

>>18239456
I am out of time for this. The train has already left. The time to develop the skills to pursue, or even just interact with girls was when I was in my teens.
No woman would want me, a dude with the experience level of a 12 year old boy.

There is no use of my existence for my people.

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>>18239469
do something about it.

>>18239385
It's not about you

>>18239478
Like what?

>>18239564
try this, smile, turn up the charm, stop giving a fuck. here's a story about someone kinda like you. one day he realized that he could charm the fuck out of anyone with a smile and a no fucks given attitude. he got a gf, realized he was a sex god, the end. regardless of the gf being a ridiculous person.

just do shit, and stop giving a fuck about failure.

>>18239584
I look like a fucking retard when I smile, and I got the charms of a dead fish.

>>18239406
Who said I wanted to kms?

What the fuck are you guys trying to say? That... I'm a princess? That Kitty Bunny has a dick?

I don't find penis attractive... I don't know why you think I would. I might be a lady but I like girls... even if those girls might have been boys at one point (but have the girly parts)

I don't like things in my butt, especially going in. I don't like them all that much coming out either but the point remains the same.

and like...

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I CAN THINK ABOUT SEX AT ALL RIGHT NOW!?

Fucking is the last thing I want to do. Even if my waifu is dressed in my fetish outfit... my mind will be somewhere else. Like, thinking about WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WHY AM I THE CENTER OF THE WORLD? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME NOW? HOW IS SOMETHING LIKE THIS EVEN POSSIBLE? WHAT THE FUCK. WHY. ME. WHYYYY.

You need to get your shit in order. Wanting to fuck comes AFTER I find out what this is all about, who I am, what I am, and what the shit.

I have a lot on my plate right now. where to start....

anyway, me and this girl broke up and we started seeing other people. a while back. We started talking again, and decided to get back together. she just found out shes pregnant with his baby, and i don't know what to do. i really love her, and i feel.... idk how to describe it.

i feel like im about to help carry a cross i had no had in creating. her ex is a psycho, and she doesn't want the kid around him, and she doesn't plan on telling him. she plans on moving to another state with me, and i could use the change of pace. am i cucking myself or what? im giving up a lot for this girl. i don't know if im making the right choice or not.

>>18239743
"Hey we know you're wondering if you have parkinsons but here are two super hot chicks that want to have a threesome. One of them has a dick though. HAVE AT IT."

>>18239749
"PS. The entire world is watching your little fuckfest so no pressure.

Nooooo preessuurreeeee"

As much as I enjoy precision and detail I find that I really hate doing measurements on internal engine components and understand why I never do it outside of training. There is no time for that shit in the real world.

There's this girl I thought I was in love with for a few months, who I grew to hate after I realised how much she had been subtly manipulating me and tormenting me. I cried a lot, had a lot of dark thoughts, broke down in front of my manager, and went back on anti-depressants. While I don't blame her, I don't think she helped my state at all.
Even so I can't help but remember all of those nice moments and sweet little things she said to me that made me fall in love, and it really bothers me. I try to remind myself that she was only nice to me when she had something to gain from it, but I still struggle to understand how I really feel here. I wish things had gone differently, but there's nothing that could have been done.
It feels like I'm being a fucking drama queen to say this, but I think I might have been abused even just a little.

Stop being a jealous coke whore

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>>18237114
It's all a game you have to pass anon. Be strong.

>>18239714
nice LARP, but the exact words were
>If you dont respond im going to kill myself
as per usual with that cunt

Past two days I've been so down I pretty much confined myself to my bed. Lost 9 pounds from not eating or drinking anything. Today I rebounded and Im taking care of myself for the first time in months. It's like my body or brain is telling whatever made me apathetic and worthless to fuck off

I hope you're listening. I'm getting the guitar I want here before I leave, I'm selling the stuff I can't take, and I'm going to see you in NC. For real this time, no more promising you I'll be there and not showing up. I'm bringing the money to start a life there with you. I'll get another restaurant job and play the bars in Wilmington. I love you.

CW

>>18239772
use laser equipment if you can afford it, or just look up the size on the internet

>>18239884
Aw okay was just incredibly paranoid

I feel utterly hollow and empty, like someone took a spoon and scooped out everything inside me like an avocado. This emptiness hurts so much it's almost physically painful. It feels like the world's crushing in on me more and more every day, and I can't keep it together when I'm just an empty shell. Sooner or later I'm just going to collapse in on myself and implode.

I don't even know anymore. I wasted my time for nothing. I really need a friend I really need someone to talk to but they don't even recognize me. I only have myself to blame for being a retard. Oh God I'm so lonely.

I can't believe this is how it ended. The best two years of my life with the most amazing and most beautiful and perfect girl I have ever met. You were the love of my life. I put you before myself every single time, and you did not do the same. To admit to me that you had feelings for the guy that has been texting you the past two years and you told me not to worry about absolutely crushed me. I don't care if he has always been your best friend - You knew that it made me feel awful and you still did it. He was even pissed off at you recently because you were with me and that somehow attracted you back to him and made you want him in your life. I miss everything we had, but I am starting to realize maybe you weren't as perfect as I thought you were. I have been devastated for weeks and can't focus or sleep at night without nightmares. This is truly my greatest test yet

FUCK
MY
LIFE

i loved you
i love you
i will never stop
must kill myself

jokes

fuck my life

nah frel tho like what is left is nothing withoutcha
but WHATEVER?????!!!!!

what am i supposed to do when its ALL A LIE. FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFM

What the hell did I just wake up and read

my stepsister just got out of a mental ward because she was suicidal and i can't seem to have any empathy.
i love her, i really do. i try to do everything i can for her but she just seems like a little brat to me now. im scared because i had all this respect for one person and now she's just a little girl to me
>texted all her friends she's gonna go to a ward before she left
>showed her friends her journal she kept in the ward
>keeps talking about the people at the ward and how wild it was in there
>she used to cut and then show it off. example is she cut her thigh and wore shorts the next day
my brother and i went through all that and worse. fuck, my significant other and i tried to kill ourselves but no one knows i tried except him and his friends or family don't know either. none of us paraded that shit around we tried to hide it. i know she's upset too because her mom is having another child when she used to be the only one so not getting moms attention is probably frustrating her
but im so mad because people are buying into her attention grabbing antics
my brother and i had NO SUPPORT SYSTEM and we had to suck it up because no one pitied us. he doesn't even pity me.

im just fucking tired. young teenagers are just drama
i used to be a miserable little shit like her but at some point you need to say fuck it i don't want to mope around for the rest of my life and you move on without everyone else

I still can't forget about you. We were happy for a long time, but for me the difficulty started early. You told me you were damaged, and that was why you sought constant validation. Why I stayed up all night trying to calm you down after a "panic attack" but you admitted now after we're done that you were just high. You moved on immediately, but I know I need time to heal, so I can try to find what I thought I found in you in someone else, and give them what they deserve in a partner as well.

I gave you everything, until I felt trapped and cornered and now you blame me for leaving. Despite all you threatened you'd do if I did. All the fear you caused my family and I. I hope you don't contact me again, I don't want to be tested that way right now

I was told time is a great healer, but of course it's a lie. Not that it's said out of malice or anything, just a flimsy sticking plaster on a wound that's too big for one... it's never going to heal.

I miss you so much. It's been 12 years now and maybe there is an hour that goes by when I don't think of you. Everyone thinks I'm OK because I don't talk about it - but that's because I'll cry if I do and no-one wants to see that.

It's like a relationship that only goes one way now. I love you so much

>>18240182
You also told me you were damaged. Why are you just conveniently forgetting all the stuff I went out of my way to help you with? I never wanted constant validation just be treated with respect and care which you rarely did. I never talked to you high, you didn't give me everything I was the one who got fucked over. You were the one who moved on immediately. How am I to blame?

My tummy hurts it feels like a knife is being stabbed into my uterus.

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>>18237008

>>18240450
Stay safe, purple

My dad is my best friend. We hang out all the time.

He's also an alcoholic and drinks everyday. I know this, no one else does. He's older now and it'll probably kill him sooner than later but I won't do anything about it since it'll harm our relationship.

I love you moe

Why do I have to do this alone?

Honestly this semester can go fuck itself. I am not even doing that many classes, and I am not even working that much (18 hours a week) yet I feel like I have no fucking time or energy to do anything. Calculus literally makes me want to cry, and I have never previously considered suicide in my life up until now. I cannot fucking afford to fuck this and my grades and my life up, and I just fucking cant.

Do you even realize how much damage you've caused? Do you even fucking care?

A lot of bad things keep happening. I would like a few good things please. Please give them and me stability.

>>18240254
Initials? Or is this how this thing works?

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Why? You want to know why? Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and bitch and whore and worst of all 'a disappointment.' Puke and starve and cut and drink because you don't want to feel any of this and it works...for a while. And by then it's too late because it's rotting you and you can't stop. Look in the mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everysinglething is wrong with you. 'Why' is the wrong question. Ask 'why not'. It's not nice when girls die.

You are so useless. We spend every fucking day trying to make you feel better and talking about your problems and it drains the hell out of me. I've been depressed the whole time we've been living together and you do nothing around the fucking house. You're a child who hasn't grown up and mooches off me.

Josh is a faggot who needs to die, fuck you man

>>18237321
Was the break up 2 years ago?

>>18240384
Do you have pcos?
PMS?
Go to a gynecologist

Is it okay to habitually lie about being drunk, despite being straight edge, to people over the internet?

>>18237900
How long has it been since you last talked to her?
>>18237941
What your initials? Is she an L?>>18238027
What is the secret? lol
>>18240082
What's her name?
>>18240870
Cut that toxic person out of your life

>>18239207
Pfffftttttt

Cuck boyfriend is driving me up a wall-- between accusing me of cheating and begging me to fuck other guys I feel crazy. I love this man with all my heart

>>18239758
Oh you, trolling this poor guy is just sad now.

>>18240870
Why'd you move in together if this is the case?

>>18240910
No, why tf would you even lie about that?

>>18240384
When pain killers doesn't work use something warm, it is like magic! I do suffer from endometriosis and have very painful cramps, but warm things usually help a lot!

>>18240942
I'm actually wondering if that's what I have. Is it true you have to be cut open to find out? Thanks for replying btw

>>18237941
This breaks my heart, because my ex could be thinking the exact same thing at this very moment. I hope you find peace.

>>18238800
This post is very intriguing. Please, more info.

Why do keep talking to me as if nothing happened? You know you broke my heart. You know I still want you.

It sucks how hollow I feel. I started playing Persona 4 again tonight, and it reminded me that I can't fully "get" the game unless I feel something for the characters. There was a time once when dating sim games did make me feel emotions, and it was incredible. Even that slight glimpse of what love felt like amazed me. It's hard to imagine now when I just play games to pass the time, but these things can really make life worth living.

It's difficult. I'm only 18, but I've grappled with loss of pleasure for the past few years now - so much that it almost seems like boredom and apathy are the only sensible conclusions to adulthood. I must remind myself that I'm not in a natural state, and life may once more become enjoyable if I'm in the right place. Maybe college will allow that. Maybe meditation will help it. Maybe it'll just happen randomly. Who knows?

I wish someone could come to me and explain my problem. I've had a few people tell me it before, and they all said basically that their lives were shit for a few years, and magically got better. Hopefully that happens to me. Life will be very disappointing otherwise.

>>18241042
waiting for things to happen to you will result in a lot of time passed and eventually regret

I lost everything I had saved on my tablet, and now I'm upset, but there's no real emotion. Just a subtle, watered-down sensation that doesn't go away.

I'm gonna see if I can fix it over the weekend.

>>18241052
I'm doing productive things now. I started a job during Spring Break, took up meditation recently, am currently reducing the junk food I eat, and plan on attending college in the Fall. These things make it easier to get through the day, but I still sense a strong emptiness inside, and I think there's nothing I can do about that but wait until it passes.

Math test tomorrow. Don't think I'm gonna pass it. It's the last test for the semester, and if I bomb this I'll fail the class. It wouldn't really affect anything as I can take it again next semester, but just the thought of fucking this up is gnawing at me. I'm studying now, and I still feel like when I get in the class I'm gonna forget everything I'm preparing for.

I know that's not an edgy story, but this is really bothering me.

Everything is just so fucked right now. Had to pay 1/3 of my tuition today so I have ~$50 to last me until next friday. I fucking hate paying for it but fuck I dont want debt. I really wish I had the wherewithal to just take out a loan and fuck myself over for the future. At least I'd be less stressed out now. It's so goddamn awful having all the money make for work funneled into paying for school, yet I fucking hate school.

I am also disappointed in myself today as I cut my workout short by a few sets because "I didnt feel it today", also caught a bit of porn today when I'm trying to detox it, so I feel like shit. Also ate a shit ton today even though we're also stopping that. Its fucking unforgivable that I cut these things short today. Fuckign goddamn weak willed failure of a cuckfaggot I have to be. I'm probably going to bruise myself a couple of times as punitive actions, because relapsing like this is simply unforgivable.

Fucking girl I work with has to be so distant even though I try to open up to her. I just wish we could be better friends like how I am with everyone else at work. I mean we're into the same shit, she's so fucking cool but I can tell she hates me. Don't know how to go about approaching this chick in my class, its all lecture so finding a window to talk is hard. Even if I got it, I dont know if I'd go for talking since I fucking suck.
Goddamn everything is fucked right now and I wish I could give up, but I just cant. It would be so much easier to stop caring about me, and just indulge in eating shit tons of junk food and gambling and drinking every day but theres still that last shred in me that knows it doesnt have to be that way. I just wish I werent so mad all the time, it used to not be so bad.

>>18240927
Friend had a crush on me in H.S. never really knew untill now. It was a dark time for me and some things would have played out differently for me if I had known. But now I have full respect for my friend. We still hangout despite our pasts and what not. I'm in a commitment of 6 years so no way am I going to give it up for said friend especially when they are helping me through tough times.

My mother tried to strangle me and my family is still trying to play happy house. My dad knows but he hasn't done anything. I can't leave because I don't have enough money, but I can't stand being around her and just being in the same room with her often makes me uncomfortable. We don't agree on very much and she has a tendency of moving goalposts. I never thought she'd try to injure me, but after last time, I'm uncomfortable because I feel I may have misgauged her limits on what's she's willing to do when she's angry.

I feel like she's ruining both my father's life and my life but I can't say it anywhere else. So I guess I'll say it here.

My standards have finally hit rock bottom

I'm at the "If your uterus works, I can maintain an erection with you and I don't hate you I will date you" stage

I'm so damn lonely

It's snowing ..and it's april...all i could think about this morning was you..you were so happy when it was snowing. Hope you are cheerful now. Do you ever think about me?

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Alles Gute zum Geburtstag an den Führer.

I cant stop thinking about the girl I liked in high school. Its been almost 2 years since weve had a conversation that lasted longer than 10 minutes, but I cant stop thinking about her everyday. I love her more than my current girlfriend and I have the entire time Ive been dating her. Every time that I tell my girlfriend that I love her more than anyone else, I know in my heart that I'm lying, but to tell her the truth would break her heart and end my relationship.

Im still trying to get in contact with my crush, but she never replies for very long. Weve had a rocky past, but I honestly feel that I will never meet a girl as unique and interesting as her. And I cant tell anyone about these feelings either :(

>>18237008
I broke up with my ex 4 months ago. Our relationship turned hostile afterwards and we were really at eatch others throats. After observing her behaviour for those 4 months i realised who she really was and that the things i put her through were the last thing she needed. I feel extremly guilty, knowing that i really fucked up the girl i loved soo very much. She doesnt want to have thing to do with me, she got someone new. She's happy, our relationship was doomed to fail anyway. I got someone new too, but its nothing close to what i need. I still love my ex, and i will die with a guilt, knowing that i met the love of my life and blew it.

I'll die knowing that i will never be able to love any other woman the way i did her.

Just kill me already.

>>18240873
Fuck you too m8.

>>18239869
I know I will.

I kinda hope something positive comes out of this.

>>18241127
Why don't you talk to your dad?

>>18240228
What happened?

>>18240074
Would you like a pen friend?

Today, I've finally become the very thing I used to hate so much. A lazy, good for nothing, bitter asshole.

I've been like this for years now but its only today at this very moment that I realize what I am.

I've hurt and burdened so many people in my past, both recent and long term, and acted solely for myself many times.

I'm a piece of shit and I just want to sorry to everyone I hurt. Writing this makes me feel even more like a dick because I know it wont really change anything.

I wont be a burden much longer. I promise.

>>18241386
I've been that guy, I've been used by guys like you. Being busy with work, being generous of spirit and resources, and giving something back by means of apologies will help mitigate these feelings. Good luck

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>>18241259
Sad post hit me right in the fee fees

>>18241211
Initials?

>>18241622
> 11
> 22
It's a sign

I can't stop masturbating and I'm really worried that God will punish me for it. I want a gf and I'm terrified that God will sabotage my chances to get one because I keep masturbating.

I never deserved to be a what if fuck you

>>18241242
You should tell her. It's time to end things. You're stuck on another person. Why continue to date her if the love you have isn't real? You're mentally cheating.
It's shitty of you to pretend that you love her when you love someone else. She deserves someone who is going to truly love her.

>>18237008
Holy shit I've been done so many dumb mistakes in my academics this week. I crammed for the wrong tests, studied the wrong chapters of a book, flunked clearly easy tests. Now my QPI is a goner, fuck I might even have to repeat a course.

Always double check your requirements and plan ahead /adv/.

Why are you distancing yourself from me? What have I done wrong? We were so close. Don't you even care? It wasn't so long ago, it was a few months. We where like brother and sister and best friends (your words). No you won't even reply most of the time. I know you are going through some hard times and I want to help you if I can, and if I can't I just want to be there for you. But you don't seem to want me around and it just fucking hurts me. I'm starting feel more angry at you than sad that you aren't well. It's really sad for me too you... fucking need you more than I want to admit.. but I'm really starting to feel do need to shout some shit at you. Or to stop speaking to you.

>>18241624
Your initials?

This actually hurts

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After spending a few months in a new city and breaking up with the most beautiful girl I have ever been with (lived with her for three years) I am still in the same fucking rat trap of dole bludging, racking up debt in psychologist fees and utilities and on top of that moving back in with my mother with no close friends in sight. Existence is fucking abysmal and I do not want to spend my impending birthday alone in this city. I'm sick of making a constant effort to better myself when all I know that I will just be another unskilled freak for the continuity of my life regardless of the chore from basic hygiene to conducting a job interview for a shit job. I am so fucking tired and if this post dubs I'm out for the long run.

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>>18241192

>>18241774
Kek

>>18237008
I love my gf, but I swear to god its like my mind completely forgets why i even love her when we have silent moments. Shes busy doing some shit and i feel like shes unresponsive asf. God fuck that's the most irritating thing about her.

FIVE FUCKING MONTHS I LIVE HERE IN THIS APARTMENT. FIVE FUCKING MONTHS YOU PLAY THE SAME THREE SONGS OVER AND FUCKING OVER AND DRIVE ME INSANE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. YOU ARE A NICE GIRL AND ALL BUT YOU DRIVE ME MOTHERFUCKING NUTS. I CAN'T EVEN HEAR THE LYRICS THROUGH THE WALL BUT I HEAR THE SONGS IN MY HEAD ALL THE TIME. YOU ARE DRIVING ME FUCKING NUTS, PLEASE LISTEN TO OTHER SHIT I REALLY DON'T MIND THE NOISES AND MUSIC JUST FUCKING END THIS THREE SONG CYCLE. FUCK.

>>18237370
Wish I was you

We've known each other for ten years. I thought I would always be there for you, to help you and keep you safe. I never meant to hurt you, I've become what I hated most. To do what I did to you, I've become worse than anyone else in your life. I can't believe I ruined our entire relationship in just two weeks.
I'm so sorry, and even if you don't believe me anymore, I love you more than you would ever know.
I've become the monster I was trying to protect you from.
You were my best friend, I shouldn't have said the things I have.
You'll probably never forgive me, you already told me you won't give me a second chance, but no matter what happens I will still be here for you if you ever need someone to talk to again.

>>18241766
WS

>>18237714
Chocolate Milk

>>18237714
Pb sammiches b4 bed faggot

Im so tired of this. The never ending cycle of failure upon failure. You make attempts, countless ones and you always end up hitting that wall. I have a shit job, i live paycheck to paycheck. Here is the thing, I lived in another country, worked so many different jobs. Met so many different people yet, here i am alone. In solitude and broke. No friend, nor family to give two shits and all the fucking self consciousness that it leads to. I dont know why im alive, i dont know why i wake up every morning. I just know the shit, the absolute fucked up shit. How can good moments be so rare. How can happiness and joy be so foreign. How can stress not be a constant. Fuck 4chan, i dont even know if your advice would do anything. Maybe someone says something supportive and helpful. Maybe i get to look at the postives for a day or two...but the shit always comes back. I always come back to this state of being. Why the fuck did i have to exist. Why the fuck.

>>18240945
Nope, they just did a scan. I had it since I was 15. If you have any other question feel free to ask.

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Is it wrong that I'm still sick of this guy? When you let him back into your home I told you I'd never warm up to him again. He's lost my respect and not done anything to earn it back sense. This man is arguably the reason why we lost the last house (coupled with your poor financial choices). He left. He came here, had a baby, lied about going on a vacation alone, and never came back for three years. Now you let him back in here? Why does this idiot make you happy? He quite LITERALLY destroys everything he touches, leaves garbage on floor, doesn't put things back after using them, breaks phones and laptop, the list goes on.

I really don't get what you see in him. The man seems shady as fuck. He obviously lies about his search for a job and isn't close to securing anything but I won't tell you that; he makes you happy after all. Is it really so wrong for me to actively think about how much I dislike this guy? I'm genuinely worried for you and the rest of my family when I move out. I don't trust him but I feel like I can't tell anyone that without sounding nuts or you guys telling me that I'm speaking out of hatred. Fuck man.

>>18241857
sorry, I'm not your girl. Are you happy that's snowing btw?

What the fuck am I?
What makes me so special?
Why am I so important?

>>18241953
why do you consider yourself important?

>>18241956
I don't.

Everyone else considers me important.

>>18241947
That wasn't me and I'm a girl, too

It's clear that things are too different between us now. I should just take the hint and go. Take care of yourself. I hope you get over all this alright, go back to school as soon as you can. I hope that I helped at least a little and that someday you can forgive all the grief I have caused.

>>18241825
You have the same feels. It sucks.
I sabotaged my 10 year relationship with a girl that I realized too late meant more to me than I thought. I did it in one week though and lost a lot more in the process.

She still texts me from time to time, but I have started to ignore her. Her text are all painful now. Nothing about us talking, just her not being able to say she's done.

I won't get closure, so I have to make it.

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I end up regretting everything I say. I don't have a single doubt in my mind I won't end up regretting this post in a few minutes.

>>18241958
You are not to me

>>18241958
Why would you think that? How? Describe

I read these threads thinking they may be about me and always end up worrying other people might be reading these threads thinking I'm saying these things about them.

>>18241961
well I meant my post for a guy though i'm sure he won't see it. Sorry you expected someone else. What happened between you two?

Ugh, left job because of reasons, ex boss gave me a fake contract and scammed everybody in the office. Still, I am doing something about it but everybody else is just angry and complaining in the corner as the little pussies they are without taking any action. Honestly how a bunch of big grown up men act like frightened little babies is beyond me. They deserve the job they have then.

>>18241974
yes I am
>>18241984
You already know, more than I do.

What the fuck are you guys trying to turn me into?

>>18242014
I know for sure that you have an illness that has altered your perseption of the world, I'm just interested how and in what ways so either describe or stop posting. If you don't know why you think you're special - you have no arguments for that statement therefore it is not true. so... lets hear those arguements?

>>18242067
I know for sure you're part of this... so yeah.

Just answer my fucking questions and stop being a little faggot.

>>18242067
Don't even bother, this guy has been spamming this place for half a year now after the breakup with his gf, long story short he has been having endless tragedies and the world hates him since that day he says. He is indeed sick, and still wondering how nobody near him is doing anything if he is that unstable, which made me think that he is posting shit everywhere but acting normal at home? Anyway, just ignore him the best you can to avoid this thread to be erased again thanks to him.

>>18242073
you sould see a doctor. What medication did he prescribe you?

>>18241989
Same. But it's comforting in a sense.
I just posted that it was a sign because both of you posted dubs. My situation is irrelevant but the post about it snowing in April was familiar to an old area where I stayed. Tbh I was expecting something more along the lines of my eyes being brighter and the snow complimenting my skin so it definitely wasn't anyone I knew. Anything you want to get off your chest?

>>18242091
you should tell the truth.

Maybe the wrong place to ask, but I'm really into DD/lg, and my partner is too, only he's not into diapers at all as far as I can tell, he said he didn't want me to wet myself when I made a related joke.
I'm really frightened that I might mess up the relationship, and while this isn't the biggest cause for concern at messing things up, I feel so close to having things perfect being able to indulge my little side, but not getting diapers as well feels like an itch I can't reach to scratch.
What do?

>inb4 die diaperfag
Dont care.

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>>18242157

>>18241970
look up critical inner voice and toxic shame

My feet are long as fuck and I can't get the shoes I want in my size. Fashion is my life, why is nature so cruel to me. FML.

>>18242170
Are you transgender?

>>18242155
fine don't tell me. Have you even seen a doctor? How old are you anon?

>>18242170
At least youre tall.

>>18242170
If it makes you feel better I have massive calves and I would never be able to use boots, sob sob

>>18241969
Hopefully we both get through it. It really sucks losing such a close friend

>>18241381
previous 'pen friend' who asked never even replied to my email

>>18242200
It is. The only thing I can really hope is that she is happy and that someday I can grow from the experience.

It fucking sucks though and it's not easy. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. It's been 5 months since, and even when I try my hardest to distract or focus myself on other things thoughts of her seep in.

Fuck, how I wish it was easy, but in the end I feel that we were harmful for each other.

>>18237008
im quitting college. Im accepting that my lack of discipline to study in academic cannot be fixed with my current methods, and yet i am unwilling to pursue the help of other for pathetic reasons.

the last time my future seemed this unsuccessful was when i truly hit rock bottom. Im going to have to accept that.

On the bright side, im finally going to pursue the personal training certification ive always thought i should have had.

>>18242180
do you guys ever get bored torturing me and making me feel alone?

I really hope you don't plan on giving me children. For fuck's sake how would that be a good idea? Maybe a year ago before all of this started but christ what the fuck could I deal with that now? I have far too much horseshit dropped on me with my origin, my gender, my fate, and fuck. It's going to take me some time to deal with all of that shit because you sure as fuck aren't doing this in the best possible way.

>>18242257
I don't mean to torture you. I wish i could help you

>>18242257
Dude, you are doing all this yourself, squizo is hard on you.

I wince when people talk about how busy they are and how they don't have time for anything. Currently I just can't see a way where I can't work things I want to do into my schedule unless I end up working a job where I'm doing something for every waking minute of the day, coming home and going to sleep (or when I have children, of course).

Am I just afraid that someday I won't have the time to do what I love? Or are most people actually less busy than they say they are and what they really mean is "I have obligations to attend to and afterwards I'm too tired and/or don't feel like doing anything else so I just go to sleep" because I just don't

>>18242291
You have any idea how badly I wish that were true?

I never asked for this.

>>18242353
I hope you find peace, just beware of the trolls down here. Hugs

Imagine the entire world revolved around you, that great artists made paintings of you, for you. That musicians wrote songs about you from every genre, every country around the world. That movies were made because you liked that series, and more movies were made just to send you a message. Imagine that your art and your likes created a movement that affected all cultures, technology, fashion, and the arts...

Except you were completely unaware of it the entire time because the entire world has been watching your every movement in secrecy. And now the more you find out the more people around you deny it's true.

Basically the most awesome shit ever but you are completely unable to enjoy any of it because you're being forced to live in a tower like a fucking prisoner princess. Your entire kingdom is infatuated with you but the powers in charge won't set you free.

It fucking sucks is what.

It sucks super fucking bad and the IDEA that your entire life sucks not because of some cosmic bad luck but because PEOPLE ACTIVELY MAKE IT THAT WAY is absolutely soul crushing. It makes you just want to give up completely knowing that it's not just RNG but your failures were designed. That no one fucking cares enough to say "hey guys... maybe this isn't right... This person is suffering because of us... maybe we should stop..."

>>18242362
and the only thing you can do to take fate into your own hands is to kill yourself.

>>18242362
Meanwhile I am at home playing skyrim unaware of who the hell you are.

>>18242366
skyrim has been mentioned a couple times now and I'm not too sure why.

Probably those holes in the sky in the clouds.

Please just shut the fuck up and stop being a faggot for once in your fucking life. Just tell me upfront about whats going on for fuck's sake.

>>18242374
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-PJDim8CsY

thats what you're trying to say?

>>18242374
who is this guy?

>>18242374
Looooooool I believe you are just a sad NEET living in his parents basement, no job, no gf, no money and lots of attitude, maybe you are indeed having some kind of mental issue but that does not cover your ass on being a complete ass to everybody. Even people being nice to you are being attacked by you. Enjoy your loneliness, maybe you desire being the center of attention because in real life you are nobody and it is too hard to accept. And Skyrim is an awesome game!

>>18242377
You are emo as fuck dude

>>18242386
you aren't even talking to me but the way you just laughed at the thought of him being a neet hurt my soul

damn...

I stayed up all night thanks to this bullshit. Just thinking about all the repeating concepts and ideas. The patterns that have emerged that end in no where other than "Everything is connected."

Like seriously, it's all connected. It's absolutely insane.

Also, you guys know I wasn't going to get rid of my junk, right? Like I already decided that. So why tell me not to still? I still want to look like a lady though. Surgeries for all the rest of me and hormone treatments being continued.|

I mean, technically I already am a lady with having ovaries and uterus...Being born intersex is super confusing and weird. "Hey your internal bits are producing lady hormones but you have a dick so hahaha your life is a joke."

>>18242390
I was one once and took me lots of hard work to get put of that hole. I am usually patient with people like this unless they are total asses. I am sure you are not like that.

>>18242384
Your empress.

>>18242214
baka what a waste. You were going for a meme degree anyway.

>>18242364
shut up you faggot, advising people to kill themselves - great job

>>18242400
Yeah... That is not cool

>>18242395
how'd you make it out? I'm not quite NEET but I'm basically borderline and it's driving me mad. I go to school a few days a week but I can hardly muster up the courage or motivation to do anything else.

>>18242400
>>18242402
I was replying to my self and yes I should totally kill myself.

>>18242407
It was hard, but I started by going to a nutriologist and starting a diet, my body was the only thing I could control. Also went for walks, not exercise but just long walks and practice smiling to people, having small conversations helped, even if it's just a hello, also found a labor job, it helped a lot on putting things in perspective, like I understood that I was no special, everybody deals with shit and made lots of friends from that.... After that everything went better, now even If I have a bad time I learned to think before acting and do stuff to fix it... Not a piece of cake and I do still struggle with mebtal health and stuff, but nothing like before. I know you can do it anon!

>>18242409
Mental health is a bitch, right? . :*

>>18242422
This game is a bitch.

>>18242426
Everything is a bitch!

My bf doesn't care about me. I don't know what to do.

>>18242431
What you mean?

>>18242409
that's bullshit don't think like that

Stop bullying him. Maybe he is still nervous after you told him you were going to run outside naked.

>>18242435
>>18242437
He doesn't seem nearly as excited to touch me as I am when I touch him. He also keeps staring at other girls asses on the street and when I'm naked with him he doesn't even look at me. I feel I hav a pretty good body, face isn't great but I mean it just doesn't make sense. Why does he try to be with me when he has no interest in me.

>>18242446
Oh... Yeah, my experience was different. He is a workaholic and a gamer. Maybe talking to him to clear things up? Not fighting but just a chat. Maybe he is not the right person for you, you deserve to be loved.

I miss talking to her... even if she never really talked back. It was nice pretending that someone cared.

I miss you so much...

>>18242456
:(

girlfriend for the 2nd time this week broke down and started crying for absolutely no reason. She claims shes just sick with a cold and frustrated about that but she was plenty healthy Monday when she first cried.

she wont fucking budge or open up and I don't know what to do.

>>18242495
hug her and confort her, make her feel safe

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I think things are going to be okay.

I can see colors again. I almost cried when I realized it. It's beautiful. The blues, reds and vibrant yellows of life.
God, I hope I can keep this. I don't want this to be a flash. I want this to be every day. Good fuck, this is amazing. I am almost happy.

>>18242362
*fist bump* and here you are, in this goddawful place, articulating what's in my mind. God bless you, my brother. (Capcha of gas stations, very Nabokov)

>>18242456
Call me faggot and don't give me that "reach out to me" shit.

Everyone I meet that I like is 30 years old. Fucking way-too-young for me little hot-as-fuck Iraq war veterans with their PTSD and therapy dogs... I'm a goner with these guys. But I came out publically as celibate last year and I've not reneged upon that. I've not reneged in my mind, that is. My body is only human and weak like that.

I haven't felt that down. I'm working, i'm motivated, yet the smallest thing seems to make cry, remind me how lonely and empty i am, and the fucking veil of that clever talented openminded person that i try so hard to be every day falls. And I am in my bed alone sobbing hard and thinking about how alone i am , and i get angry because i'm so damn ungrateful, my family is alive, i am in the university i aways dreamed of, and i am really not bad at all there....yet that empty feeling is there harsh, and if i am too tired to keep it away it comes crashing my walls and hurting me over and over again. I don't think i am depressed, maybe just tired but i've been tired for so long now..too long

>>18237008
I wanna fucking rape you, you piece of disgusting repulsive piece of shit. The fuck is wrong with you, anger against is the only fucking love you should be hearing, instead I don't say shit and I let your shitty ass get itself self-destructed. I know you are just a pathetic little shit that doesn't want to be bothered and do whatever you want to, pig disgusting not even a cocksucker, fucking annoying pretentious slut.

>>18242634
so this is why she didn't have sex with you

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>>18242213
I can only do the same. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop thinking thinking about her though.
I opened a fortune cookie not too long ago, and it's strange how relevant this one seemed to be.

>>18242639
She does.
She just didn't suck my dick many times, but that's not why I am mad at her.

>>18242634
What are you doing ranting about it on here? Go to her, tell her how you feel and don't let her get away.

Every gym I go to someone whores every squat rack. Fuckin REEEEEEEEE

>>18241259
I keep seeing posts like this, and for a moment, I think it might be the closure I need to hear. But then I realize that he would never admit to things like this. Maybe I'll just pretend you are him.

>>18242653
She is not getting away, I want to beat her up because she has literally no consideration for my efforts. It doesn't matter how fucking intelligent and self-aware and kind a girl is, they will always be basic sluts on the core.
It does not matter if the love is complete and infinite, they will always be blind towards important matters, they will always want to be self-destructive, because they are sluts, even if remove completely their sexuality, even if they despise sex and are virgins they will be somewhat self-destructive.
The only sane girls are the ones aware of wanting to be self-destructive and are willing to have humiliating sex.
Because even when they are sexually sluts, they are still fucking sluts, even when it comes to ontology they will just thrive death and will be just driven by their vagina to think whatever bullshit their little brain can construct.

Get it off the chest? I get it off the fucking chest.

>>18242686
holy. Does she come to this thread? Does she even read this?

>>18242686
>Because even when they are sexually sluts,
Because even when they aren't sexually sluts

I made another hundred of mistakes in all posts, I don't give a shit

>>18242698
Why should she?
Sometimes she does go on 4chan

>>18242708
I don't know, man. I'm just blown by your rant. Knew this one guy that has similar views but I highly doubt you're him. He's emotional in his own way but I don't see him to be the type to make long winded posts like yours. Hope you get what you want from your slut tho. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.