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NEET Shut-in

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I dropped out of university 8 months ago after attending for 3 years. It's been a while since I've talked to anyone so I'm not really looking for advice. I kind of just want to unclutter my mind while killing a bit of loneliness.

I'm a 21 y/o Asian male. I have low self-esteem/self-worth/self-loathing that reaches bizarro reverse narcissistic levels.

The last time I communicated with anyone was asking for advice on here 8 months ago. I was mainly told two things:
1. Nobody cares and that I should just drop out and kill myself for sounding like a self-important asshole.
2. If I can't see a future for myself then it won't matter what I do or what anyone else says.

I took both things to heart, but have yet to convince myself that I have the ability to do anything.
8 months isn't a long time, and I'm still young. I can still chalk this up as a mini vacation from life.
Soul-searching hasn't worked out though and time keeps on ticking. I don't have any goals or desires.
Me staying alive costs me. My meals cost my mother an hour of her life to work for and that really bothers me.

The only thing keeping me alive right now is the need to erase the guilt I feel for having money spent to keep me alive for 21 years.
It's getting to the point that I'm wondering if I can whore myself out. It'd be easier if I was a women, but I'm sure there is a market out there for young asians right?
I'm not gay, but the pressure to be independent is getting to me. I'm dumb, dependent, and have mental/family issues. If I was female then I'd have all the stereotypical qualities needed to be a prostitute.
>>
You know there are jobs other than whore, right?
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>>18234296
The world is filled with fucked up shit. Everyone has some sort of problems, even if they don't say it to others. What you take for granted, others try to obtain.
Look at your options. You can work at some job you can find and start to work out to distract yourself. Meet new people out there. Believe you can change and take that RISK. Try something you never thought you would have done and taste something new.
>>
Dude, go back and finish your last year. Why did you drop out in the first place?
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>>18234316
I'm signing up for community college and job search agencies right now. Feels really backwards going from uni to cc + $8/hr job.

>>18234314
It's just that I don't see why anyone would ever want to hire me. I'm a shitty person and sex has low barrier of entry.

>>18234320
Loneliness from my social circle dispersing -> Depression -> failing 2 classes(1 fall only/1 with reqs including completing/being in the other fall only class) bumping my graduation 2+ years more. I'd also have to compete for the seat both times and write a 2 page letter/interview on how passionate about the subject and how willing I was to fight for the seat.
>>
>>18234314
That pay as well without education or training?
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>>18234296
I was in similar situation in cc, and though I'm in uni I still feel like I'm in the same situation.
I've taken by education half-heartedly and I'll be finishing my bachelor's when I'm 25.
The only thing that keeps me alive is because I want to be someone who's not a net-negative to society and my family. But it's starting to seem pointless since I'm not trying to be in such a high-stress/high-reward position and I feel tempted to just drop out.

I don't have any advices to help you, and it doesn't sound like you believe in one either.
If I did drop out, then I think I'd sign up for a cc course or training school for a truck license or trade job like car mechanic. I worked as a janitor while attending cc, and minimum wage job isn't enough to get you out of being a leech.
>>
>>18234365

You're fine. Writings good, self reflective. Has a capacity to understand and accept own faults. Got into university. Still young. And you made it for three years at uni, so cc should be relatively straight forward. And are you sure you flunked those classes due to a lack of ability as opposed to a lack of initiative or interest in the topic? What did you go to school for and why exactly did you have trouble in these two classes?

Are you sure you need to work minimum? Even with partial qualifications you should be able to earn more. With two years of an art degree I managed to find something at 13.50/hour while I went through my second round of schooling, and a lot of others have done similarly. Not saying you should turn down jobs that offer less, but look for ones that offer more as well even if you don't fit the qualifications 100%. Note that your current qualifications might not seem big to you but they will be a real advantage as you compete with other entry/close to entry level applicants.
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>>18234462
Scary. I had the same thought about truck driving/being a mechanic.

>>18234498
I went to school for computer science. No interest on the subject(or any subject) so I just picked it at random in hopes that I'll eventually know what to do with my life in the first 2 years of university. Didn't happen. Failing was a lack of interest combined with running out of steam to put up with it.

Probably no need to work minimum, but I couldn't showboat any qualifications without turning into a mess.
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>>18234598

:/

Dude, in that case you should just be able to go to uni for something else you're more interested in. Use the transfer credits from your gen eds to make things go a bit smoother. cc isn't always that terrible an option, but doesn't seem like a must in your situation.

Do you like Jordan Peterson btw? Do you know about him?

And for the record, please don't be a truck driver unless it really does seem like a good idea, I guess. You seem to have too much going for you and that industry might be dying soon with automation. Like blue collar jobs tend (not 100%, not always) to attract a certain type of person and people there aren't always super accommodating of nerdier people. Like your brain is going to be filled with all this knowledge of data structures, programming concepts and god knows what and you'll have to work/carry conversations with people without basic knowledge of current events let alone anything much more complicated than that.

Reminder that the effort put into getting readmitted would be less than going to school for something else, but obviously if you can't stand that sort of thing as a career then you should build your life off of something else.
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>>18234296
>Nobody care and that I should drop out and kill myself

Lol man people are terrible. I thought this was an advice board not an edgelord board
Thread posts: 11
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