Relationship fights

As someone who's SO has pulled this several times, I'm really tempted to call him on his bluff next time.
You're not a horrible person just be careful what you wish for.

>>18233989
You should actually brake up. It's not normal or healthy to be with someone you fight with. Relationship success is only going to happen if you are with someone you get along with easily. My husband and I have literally never fought or raised our voices at each other. Save yourself the fighting and find someone your are more compatible with

>>18233997
Yes, I'm aware and working on reacting too soon to words said in the heat of an argument.

>>18234000
We are very compatible, just sometimes we have some disagreements which turn into fights. It's not like we fight daily/weekly/monthly. It's quite rare.

>>18234015
You should not be getting that mad tho to where you are yelling and threatening to leave. Idk I guess anger management it couples counseling maybe. It's fine if you disagree but things should never get that heated. If you want it to last their has to be trust and thinking your partner might bail on you if you disagree over something isn't a trusting relationship.

>>18234025
I'm working on my tendency to bottle things... I know it shouldn't get that far but it does, sometimes. Will talk it out with him.

>>18234041
I'm going to go ahead and totally disagree with this other person: a good and long lasting relationship is based on good communication and being able to resolve conflicts. If you never have "fights" that's a huge red flag. Arguments are normal.

I think if you communicate more often about things that are bothering you you will be less likely to lash out and overreact in the future. Build trust with each other by having constructive discussions about your issues and you won't feel the need to be so hyperbolic all the time.

>>18234000
Lol fuck this advice. It's normal to fight. Conflicts naturally arise, whether minor or major.

It doesn't matter how often you fight, or what you even fight about. What matters is *how* you fight, and right now you're fighting in a very shitty way. You're not a horrible person, you're just fighting horribly.

Set up ground rules for fighting. It may seem awkward and unnatural to strictly adhere to them, especially when you're extremely upset, but having ground rules gives both of you the ability to call the other one out when they break a rule. You need to learn to fight fair. Fighting is normal. Threatening to end a relationship destroys your partner's sense of security. Fix that shitty behavior asap.

>>18234054
I did think 'never' fighting was a bit weird.

Thank you! I will keep this in mind and try to be aware of my behaviour.

>>18234041
Except you shouldnt be bottling things in, thats not healthy for you or him. Arguments are natural and sometimes healthy for relationships BUT if the issue at hand results in a natural response/subconcious thought for you to leave him then whatever he did must have been pretty bad and you 2 just arent compatible long term.

>>18234100
Or it could be one of those countless cases of "I say things I don't mean when I'm angry."

Anon does have me curious though. OP, what happened to where you threatened to break up?

>>18234117
I am defensive by nature, if I feel attacked I don't vocalise thus, bottling it. I have internal rush of emotions and only feel attacked/insecure on the inside. I then snap later.

>>18234150
are you emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship where you feel attacked as often as you do now
or
is she willing to deal with your outbursts when they happen
or
are you willing to put both of you through this when it does happen

i'm not sure how big the problem is to begin with
but you have to consider your priorities and what is best in the long run
which often, over time, ends up being the harder option to pursue

>>18234054
No it's really not normal to fight with your partner. Fighting is not a healthy way to deal with stress of disagreements. I feel really sorry for people who think it's normal. I used to think that in past relationships but now that I'm with someone who is more stable and can communicate better I am so much happier. I can honestly say we never fight, even when things are hard and we are both under pressure we never take it out on each other. Disagreements can be talked out without anyone getting upset or mad. It's just a better way to live.

Thats called being manipulative. Threatning something to get what you want is not good.

My partner threatens our relationship all the time. So i call her on it every time. If you truly want to split; say it but dont use it as a tool to get what you want.

Why? Because what happens if one day the thing you want isnt worth your parners interest in the relationship.

Women are typically selfish and expect alot without conpromise which just causes more probems

>>18234263
not to brand you as a misogynist
but i don't think it's as much women as it is the partner in general

most people who aren't ready or wanting of an intimate relationship will find their partners selfish and with high expectations
i don't see how women specifically would be more prone to selfishness

>>18234263
both of my boyfriends have pulled this shit so you don't know what you're talking about.

it's a certain personality type of someone who immediately gets defensive and angry in the face of a conflict that does this kind of thing. it can apply to a man or woman

>>18234292
agreed.

>>18234292
Both of your boyfriends. Might want to write a book about your large database of knowledge on the opposite sex!

Please tell me more how your 2 boyfriends are the epitome of all male behaviour In a relationship.

>>18236543
Please tell us more about how you're so illiterate you took pointing out that this isn't a gendered issue to mean that it's "the epitome of all male behavior"

>>18236567
It is a gendered issue. This isnt a discussion board.

>>18233989
fighting is part of a relationship ignore these fuckers. a lot of times relationships who don't fight have deeply rooted other problems! you probably shouldn't have said that if you didn't mean it but i think all in all youre fine.
unless youre constantly fighting its nbd pal

>>18234292
My ex boyfriend did the same. This isn't something that only women do.