friendships

>>18233549
Not that I've ever seen. One party always ends up infatuated or left with a bitter broken heart

Yes. I have that with my boyfriend

>>18233549

yes, but there is often some sexual tension, but thats normal. look at close straight men and you'll find at least some sexual tension.

the difference is a man and woman are more likely to act on it.

>>18233549

Yes, it can happen. It's hard, of course, as one of them can want more, but hey, even heterosexual-guy-friendships aren't forever, so what's the difference?

>>18233549

I sort of have this with a friend of mine, we talk to each other via fb from time to time and go on walks. I've said to her face I've never been intetested in relationshippy crap. Shes attractive and I can appreciate that but I just don't want it. I've wingmanned for her at parties and shes done it for me.

Once I walked her home from a club with our arms linked like a Victorian couple (except more drunk and at one in the morning). But we still good friends, get along nicely and neither party is intetested in the other (I think at least).

>>18233549
Not really
>>18233557
This is pretty accurate. Everyone makes friends to further their own agenda in one way or another. Generally if you do have a friend and you\they are not getting what they want out of it it will die out

>>18233638
lol

>>18233660

Yeah I pretty much completely agree with this. I don't think mild, ignorable sexual tension ruins the whole deep/meaningful part of it. Sexual tension isn't sexual intimacy.

>>18233549
Don't take advice.
That was good advice.
You and the six raised me right.
That shit saved my life.

>>18233549
Yes.
I had/have a few close male friends who I was never intimate with and viceversa.
Rare, but possible.

>>18233672
>Everyone makes friends to further their own agenda in one way or another.

Doesn't that apply to any friendship, though?

>>18233671
Would you be okay with that if you were dating a girl and she had this kind of friendship with another guy?

>>18233672
I feel this.

>>18233681

if anything it helps. i think theres a lot more sexual and romantic tension in the world than people admit, even in the weirdest of places. the problem is just that we think that it can only be in certain circumstances, and if oyu're dating someone its now wrong to have any romantic feelings at all for someone else.

i disagree.

>>18233708
I would be publically okay, I would secretly hate his guts. I may do a lot of territorial stuff as well just to be sure he doesn't try to cuck me.
But on the offhand, I have this goid friend of mine and he has this gf whom I'm good friends with as well, and desu nothing is wrong at all.

>>18233748

I agree with your thoughts on the matter. I don't think it's wrong and I don't think it's avoidable so I don't think there is any point in totally denying it and you can still have strong valuable friendships with the opposite sex even if there are those tensions.

>>18233748
Humans are polygamous creatures, its in our nature to fuck multiple members. Its just not acceptable in modern society (unless your a filthy islamic sand nigger who believes in keeping multiple women to yourself and not ketting them drive cars etc).

>>18233770

>humans are polygamous creatures

most can admit that from a scientific stand point but i was tlaking outside of the strict idea of sexuality.

i believe some people have romantic tension with the same sex, or a parent, or sibling, or a child, i think its really common, its just not something strong enough to act on because the guidelines we have for that relationship tend to satiate us.

All the male-female friendships I've witnessed IRL has been teeming with either desperation from one side or just sexual tension. I'm sure there are cases where men and women can be friends, but honestly it seems like an extreme outlier. I can imagine that it might be more likely among very attractive people who literally just have to send a text with "bang?" to someone random to get sexual release and validation, but amongst normal people there will always be sexual tension and at least one of the parties will want to bang the other one.

>>18233786
We do have sexual tensions with siblings, but its ingrained into our genetic code to think "this person is geneticalky close to me, maybe I shouldn't fuck them and reduce our genetic variance". Its the same in the animal kingdom, there are cases of siblings breeding e.g. monkeys, but they avoid it.

>>18233549
Yep, it's called being gay

>>18233549
Yes.

How do people ask this? Do you honestly not recognize Mets of the opposite sex you have zero attraction to? Would you fuck anything that moves?

>tfw you've had meaningful friendships with girls but you still wanted to have sex if an opportunity presented itself.

>>18233763
good to know, until the guy starts craving a relationship with your girl

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>>18233828
I believe this is the face you're looking for kek

>>18233770
my friend has a polyamorous relationship but is imbalanced.
this idea scares me, i cannot have sexual intimacy with someone i don't have emotional connection with.

>>18233854
IF I SEE THAT FUCKING CAT ONE MORE TIME

>>18233809

male/female? are you in a relationship? kys faggot.

>>18233549
D E P E N D S O N T H E P E O P L E
E
P
E
N
D
S

O
N

T
H
E

P
E
O
P
L
E

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>>18233872
I'm sorry is this one more acceptable?

>>18233900
yes.

>>18233886
Male
No
Why does it bother you so much? You'd fuck anyone who asks you? You'd take a shot at anyone you know if they gave you the time of day?

>>18233911
No. Of course not.

My ex found this problematic, dumped his ass. Another relationship, same thing. Is this common with men?

I'm friends with men who are gay, acquaintance with average looking ones, and my friends' bfs.

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>>18233910
Excellent we also have this in stock haha

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>>18233933

>>18233549
>Just friendship.
If they're both gay.

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>>18233938
Ok i think we should just fuck already no homo. If balls don't touch lol

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>>18233958
Love you, no homo.

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>>18233549

>>18234074
No

>>18234092
why?

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>>18233549
Here ya go, OP!

/thread

>>18234154
Wow, thanks for the generic tumblr bullshit that puts the burden on men!

>>18234174
There are two parts to the statement.

One is about teaching boys to see women as people instead of sex objects.

The other is about normalizing platonic male/female relationships.

The first is obviously more common with men. That's why disposable sex workers are overwhelmingly female.
The second happens a lot with both genders.

so should I be worried about my boyfriend and his close friendship w this girl?? he says she like a sister but has also brought up the idea of having a threesome. I trust him not to do anything but I hurts thinking he might want to

>>18234154
Sure if you want procreation to end. Everyone can be friends however testosterone will still cause men to want to fuck women generally as nature intended for millennia.

>>18233549
The only time Ive seen it work is where the best friend is super ugly, but the super ugly one usually has hidden feelings and obsessions so no, does not work after all

>>18234198
No. Fucking run. I had to deal with the whole 'shes like a sister!' 'We're just friends!' Before, and it will drive you insane and ruin your relationship. Its just not worth it. The friend is toxic.

>>18234198
He brought up the idea of a three some with her specifically?

Because if so, she's not like a sister and he does want to do stuff with her.

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>>18233549

>Can guys and girls have a deep, meaningful friendship?

Yeah, absolutely, but the difference is I'm a grown man. You're talking to a board full of teenage virgins, of course they can't maintain relationships with the opposite sex. The story is completely different with adults.

I have a few close female friends but they're also grown adults and married with children and husbands and lives and responsibilities so our activities spent together aren't close and intimate, therefore our relationships don't blur any boundaries. We get together for dinners or playdates or barbecues or movies or whatever and its a lot of fun because our spouses are involved and our children are involved and there isn't any kind of adolescent confusion or ambiguity as to what exactly our relationship is.

A couple of these female friends are from back in high school and MAYBE back then something could of blossomed but its been nearly 20 years and we're all in our own relationships with our own lives and responsibilities. At this point in our lives we all know that even if we were so inclined (which we're not), being together would be a nightmare; divorces, custody battles, alimony, child support, etc,.

Not to mention the fact that I've been through so much with these women and seen so much of their dark/gross sides sexual attraction isn't even remotely an issue for me.

So yeah, male and female adolescents can't be platonic friends because they suck at boundaries and compartmentalizing. I'm not saying adults never cheat or form relationships with their friends its just far easier to control such things.

>>18234174

>Wow, thanks for the generic tumblr bullshit that puts the burden on men!

Oh, god forbid someone asks you to participate in even a remote amount of introspective thought. You're right though, everyone else should shape the world into a convenient configuration for you so you don't have to change any of your thought patterns or behaviors.

>>18234215
>>18234224

shit well idrk what to do because they're best friends and he won't ditch her and I can't ditch him this sucks ass

>>18234231
>more assumptions

This bullshit about "socializing" boys a certain way and "normalizing" this and that smacks of a 1984-esque world. Men and women can be just friends because of the type of people they are as individuals, no need for tumblr shit.

>>18234192
>The first is obviously more common with men. That's why disposable sex workers are overwhelmingly female.

Way to pull random irrelevant shit out to support your position.

>One is about teaching boys to see women as people instead of sex objects.

This assumes that men who want more than friendship with women necessarily objectify women. Maybe a man is romantically inclined? Maybe he is just desperate for affection? Either way, there are counter-examples to your assumption and, again, you are putting the burden on men to solve your little tumblrized puzzle.

>>18233549
>Can guys and girls have a deep, meaningful friendship? No sexual intimacy. Just friendship.
Not if you're a man. Men WILL fall for the girl no matter what

>>18234233
You should be number one. You should be the person he won't ditch for anyone. Trust me girl don't settle for less. It will just break your heart in the end. I could write you a novel on the fights I had to deal with, the insecurities she purposely tried to give me, ugh even hearing her name I instantly rage now. Thats not happy and not healthy in a relationship

>>18233549
Not if theyre attracted to each other.

>>18234250
>This assumes that men who want more than friendship with women necessarily objectify

There's a difference between accusing an individual, and pointing out a flaw in society. It doesn't mean every man does it, it just means that some men do it. We don't know who,and it doesn't matter who, in the context of this conversation.

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It's a very difficult and particular situation but it can happen.

One of my closest friends is a girl I initially hooked up with, then hooking up got boring and we realised we work way better as friends.

Now she wingmans me and I wingman her, and we just hang and there's no sexual tension anymore because it's a "been there, done that" situation.

I can't imagine it working out any other way though.

>>18233549
When both parties are sexually active with other people, a man and a woman can easily have a deep and meaningful friendship without sexual intimacy or tension

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>>18234250

>This bullshit about "socializing" boys a certain way and "normalizing" this and that smacks of a 1984-esque world.

Again, you're just assuming that should anyone ask you to really sit down and reevaluate the values you're being raised with is some kind of big brother bullshit. That just smacks of ignorance. You complain about a burden being put on men to analyze the way they were taught to perceive women in contrast to the way women prefer to be treated yet, seemingly, you have no problem putting the burden on everyone else to just accept your view; as if the only reason they could possibly have an issue with the way you think is if they weren't conditioned properly to fully accept it without complaint.

It is absolutely true that in a society that sexualizes things at a young age developing meaningful relationships without a sexual undertone is difficult, especially if you're not old enough to compartmentalize these feelings and separate your logical mind from your emotional one. Why would teaching boys to emphasize emotional connections over physical ones be "1984-esque" to you? Is that really such a scary, dystopian concept to you? Or are you just so opposed to critically thinking about any of your worldviews that you oppose change in any form?

You just keep saying "tumblr shit" in response without really analyzing the words or intentions and while I appreciate your dedication to just throwing out buzzwords and memes and expecting that to serve as an intelligent response I feel like you're missing the point.

If "tumblr shit" is encouraging people to look at the current state of society and do some critical thinking about the values they were raised with in context with the values that are going to be needed for properly acclimating and leading healthy lives in the next generation then sure, I'm just spouting tumblr shit.

>>18234374
Hahaha. Lies.

>>18233660

I agree in the sexual tension.

I believe it has more about controlling yourself. I'm friends with a girl. We usually walk or hang out because we live near, but sometimes we get too cuddly or something, which we both know we are doing, but don't actually want to do it deeper.

>>18233549
Yeah, it's called not being attracted to one another.

>>18233549
>This thread everyday

Reminds me of those movies where two geeks in high school are best friends, then one day the girl gets rid off her braces and takes off her glasses, and she's a runway model.

Yes boys and girls can just be friends, but it hinges on attraction most of the time, sadly.

>>18234198
yes you should be/ 'Like a sister' to potential 3-some, doesn't add up. Run.

>>18233549

I definitely don't think so, if both parties are straight and single I believe there will always be sexual tension on one side or the other. You can have surface level friendships with the opposite sex but to say deep and meaningful there will always be feelings involved somewhere down the line. Anyone who denies this is either in denial about their own feelings or doesn't realise the other person has wanted to be with them at some point.

>>18233549

I'd like to see a case where this actually happens, I don't think I have ever seen one. One side always falls for the other at some point throughout the relationship especially if they are both single. In my experience this even extends to people already in relationships, I have had girls become overly flirty and you can cut the sexual tension with a knife. One of my ex's had "confused feelings" for one of her guy friends because they got so close emotionally that she mistook it for attraction (Objectively speaking she was a solid 8 and he was overweight, unkempt and hovering somewhere below average).

I've learnt if I'm in a relationship to keep all other girls at arms length for both mine and their sake so nothing develops and if I'm single to do the same with girls already in relationships. Getting close with the opposite sex I believe is reserved for singles, or people already dating each other, unless you're into polygamy of course.

>>18234731

Becoming emotionally close to someone already implies some level of attraction, it would even make the person more physically attractive in your eyes. For both parties to be single, and emotionally close AND not find each other attractive would be an anomaly.

>>18235165
Yes, this is true. It's impossible for two heterosexual individuals to have a meaningful and deep friendship without some attraction. Unless both parties have families and interactions include their respective families, it is not possible.

if they are not attracted to each other then yes. then that depends what you are attracted to. im always attracted to an (for me of course) attracted person at first when i meet them and when i get to know their personality it either fades or it stays. so it depends if the personality is compatibal to mine. other ways the attraction fades and i just become friends and maybe some day really good friends without it getting sexual

>>18236172
attractive person not attracted

>>18234192
I think people are way too critical about others viewing each other as objects. It's hard not to when you can't think/feel what others are thinking/feeling. Obviously, that's not an excuse for being a cunt, and everybody should try to be respectful of others, but when other people fall short, you have to be respectful of them too.

>>18234225
Pretty interesting. Nobody ever brings this up. I can't wait for that, because I fucking drive myself crazy with my expectations of other people's expectations.

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I'll take homosexuality for 500 alex.

>>18233638
kek

the fucking inages on this thread lmao

>>18235165

>One of my ex's had "confused feelings" for one of her guy friends because they got so close emotionally that she mistook it for attraction

Me and a friendl have a really close emotional connection. I feel like I can talk to her about anything and same with her, she frequently mentions how she doesn't really open up to anybody the way she does with me. I once told her I was confused about my feelings for her because we were so intimate emotionally and I wasn't sure how to process that and she told me she doesn't have feelings for me, we can be pretty upfront with each other about that stuff.

I'm confused because I have friends that I've known for years that I don't talk to about the same things or on the same level that I talk to her about, and I've known her barely a year. I don't feel like I have an attraction to her, more that I am confused why there doesn't seem to be one there. There's a chemistry and connection we share that seems unique, it doesn't feel like a normal friendship. In fact we frequently get asked if theres anything between us, we both have to say no, we're just friends. Is emotional intimacy not supposed to be a sign of attraction? It feels like it is, but at the same time I'm not attracted to her the way I've been attracted to girls before. That feeling of want or desire isn't really there. It's more like a comforting feeling.

>>18234225
Pretty much this. My best friend is a girl, has been for the past 15 years. We're both very pretty, hooking up came up once while drunk and we both immediately felt gross. She's genuinely like a sister to me.

Also I hang out with my buddies wives all the time while they're at work. My friends don't mind, because we're not hormone addled. In fact, I'd be pretty offended if a friend of mine suddenly became uncomfortable with me spending periods of time alone with their SO.

>>18234225

Also posting my support for this post, although I think that this can exist without having marriage or kids as a buffer.

The trick really is for each side to have their own dating and romantic life. Because I have women I'm seeing or sleeping with or dating or interested in, not every girl I'm a friend with becomes a romantic/sexual prospect. And I make friends with girls that don't see me that way because they too have their own prospects or relationships or whatever.

So we're able to share our common interests, talk about dating and sides of life that we wouldn't get from members of the same sex, and act as portals for each other to meet other people we're sexually or romantically interested in.

You don't have to deal with a friend's bullshit and can walk away. With a girlfriend/boyfriend? You have to take the good with the bad and even end up sharing a bed with that person. I may full well enjoy grabbing a beer with someone and having some laughs with them, but in terms of fucking them and being intimate and sharing my life in full with them? No thanks.

I tend to agree more like what >>18234341 said, I kinda fell in love with my best friend, sorted my feelings, and now beside some harmless flirting, there is absolutely no tension between us. Actually, we are both grieving LTR's and we're not the type that get over someone with rebounds. Both of us know where we stand, and it's definitely nowhere beside friendship.

>>18236532
this

It is possible to have sexual/romantic feelings for your friend and simply not act on them, repress them.

But why would anyone want to do that? It's horrible.

I'm speaking here, of course, about very close, emotionally intimate 'friendships'. Obviously you can watch movies and chat with anyone, even someone you think is sexy. That's not a problem.

When you're emotionally close to someone, that person becomes more physically attractive to you. You want to spend more time with them. You want to touch them. Not being able to do that is torture.

(I agree that most relationships are somewhat erotic to begin with, even between two straight men/two straight women, by the way.)

I fell in love with a close friend last year. Now we don't talk. I never wept so much in all my life.

>>18234225
What is your criteria for a deep, meaningful friendship? Sounds like you have a lot of good people and friends in your life but do you consider these women you spend time with at a dinner party or a couples movie night to really have a deep impact on your life? Aside from my brothers I have maybe a handful of meaningful friendships, if that. I agree with a lot of what you wrote except the women you call deep meaningful friends in your social circle I would consider acquaintances or so and so's wife, our friends the smith's, etc, in my social circle. How many of these people would you spend all night listening to their problems or thoughts? How much time and money would you give these friends if they were in need? What sacrifice would you make for them and what would they do for you?

>>18236945

I'm not that anon, but one of his supporters, and I do have deep, meaningful friendships with women outside of that.

I really think there's a few tiers of "friendship" -

Best Friends
>Practically brothers/sisters, know everything about me, vice versa (I have like 3 of these)
Close Friends
>Know most things about me, would bail me out of jail or do me a favor if needed or listen to me all night, see them weekly or at least a couple times a month or would if they lived at home (10-15 of these)
Friends
>Anyone I'd call up out of the blue, sit down to have a beer with, grab dinner with occasionally, but can't commit to seeing each other always (tens to hundreds of these)
Acquaintances
>Just people who are around that I recognize and know

That distinction is important to me because I know a LOT of people, and people on 4chan seem to have smaller friend groups than I do. But like on Saturday, I spent the whole day hanging out with my friend whose engagement just broke off, talking about her recovery from addiction, deep secrets about her family, stuff like that... I've known her for 25+ years, and would never want to sleep with her. We grew up together. I have another friend with 20+ years of friendship and I know the same about her.

Plenty of other girls are part of my life in a sincere, meaningful, but not sexual way.

>>18233549
Yes it's possible but it's very hard, nowadays nobody cares about deep and meaningful relationships, both women and men

>>18237854
True. I give people the benefit of the doubt but somewhere down the line, they come out with their feelings and complicate the situation.

>>18233557
But if there's sometimes one person in the friendship who isn't interested in going further but wants to maintain the friendship, surely there must be cases where both of them are in this situation.

>>18236974
Anon you responded to here. I agree with what you said and like your breakdown of tiers of friendship. I also agreed to what anon was saying about male and female friendships but I felt his actual examples didn't show that best friend or close friend relationship like you described. Thanks for the post anon.

>>18233549
Yes.

I wasn't even attracted to my male friend when i was high on mdma. We always manage to change boredom into extreme fun when we are together!

>>18234225
Hey dad

I'm in love with my best friend and it fucking sucks. So I'll say no, Op.

>>18234198
>like a sister but has also brought up the idea of having a threesome
Does he browse 4chan?

So I've fallen hard for my coworker. She's 20, I'm 23. Both single, I admit my feelings only to get some typical "you're great anon but I'm working on myself right now". For all I know she's telling the truth. Either way it's fucking killing me because we've remained good friends. My manager has told me she's talked to her before about us dating. I just get so many mixed signals. I do know her last serious relationship ended horribly. Bf fucked her BFF. I guess I have a question in here somewhere. Should I continue to orbit her? She has expressly stated that she doesn't want to hang out with me alone because of the "pressure". Probably looks like I'm rambling at this point, because I am. This girl turns my brain into wet shit.

I have a few male friends and ultimately my answer is: it depends.

One friend definitely liked me at one point in high school but we're still really good friends. I go to parties with him and his GF and sense no tension whatsoever. We talk about anime and school together.

Another friend is 100% platonic friendship. Knew him in high school but didn't reconnect until I reached out to him when he was experiencing some family problems. We talk about school and family. He encourages me randomly throughout the semester and we keep in touch.

My last friend, though, is where it gets dicey. He's very outgoing and flirty and while I do feel the tension at times, we've both confirmed it's just joking around. I can spend hours talking to him about anything but he's interested in someone else (which I eagerly help him win her and enjoy hearing his attempts at even talking to her).

>>18240141
I was in same situation. Went on for months turned out see was seeing someone and never mentioned it!

Can't really tell you what to do, as I still not sure what I am doing my self.

We wrestle and do wired shit in the work place. So I am very confused.

>>18233549
yes, I have a girl like that, but it may depend on a lack of attraction (I'm certainly not attracted to my friend)

I'm sure some people can, I'm not one of them.

It's best if you're both on the same page when it comes to having no physical and emotional attraction.

I know this girl since 2007 and she's totally not my type, in my eyes she's like a guy friend. She thinks of me as her big brother.

>>18233549
It can never happen. A normal friendship will be very short. The guy will want to fuck her eventually. If the guy has a girlfriend I think it's safe to say (to an extent) that they will hold themselves back.

>>18233549
yes. the only people who would think otherwise don't talk to enough girls or are too lizard brained to ignore their sexual drive to form any meaningful relationship

>>18233638
+1

>>18233708
>Would you be okay with that if you were dating a girl and she had this kind of friendship with another guy?

I feel bad because I'm friends with this girl who's in a relationship. I'm not after her or even see her in any romantic light, but I know its probably fucking weird that we're friends and I'm sure the guy hates me. I wish we weren't friends sometimes just so it wouldnt feel bad but I don't have many friends so it really helps. Shit sucks man,

if shes cute enough that ill talk to her and ugly enough that i wont try to bang her, yes

>>18234192
>men see women as disposable
>literally all the need/want is from men
Almonds activating.