How do you not "chase" women?

She's telling you she wants to take things slowly bc she is using you. Everytime you talk to her at night, text her, like her photos on FB, send her any kind of attention, she is using you. She uses you to bolster her own ego and self worth. She keeps you in this thick sludge of friendzone and limerance because you are too much of a pussy to go out and meet someone else. Focus on your own life and forget her. Forget all this friend shit, focus on your self. Find that one that will actually kiss you and spoon you, maybe even fuck you, brah. If she was seriously interested in you, she would realize that you were slipping away because you opened the doors to the rest of the market (ie, other women) but don't squash all your plans about focusing on yourself if she turns up the communication. There needs to be action on her part. Texting and FB likes are immaterial. They mean nothing. You will know if she is sincere or not.

>>18225676
As a follow up to this, the fact that she has been using you in such a way is indicative of her overall character. At this point in time, just cut the cord and forget about her. Focus on yourself. She is a manipulative person and the future only looks from with a person like this.

>>18225676
I don't know how to focus on myself. I feel like doing so would only push me farther away from what I want which is companionship I guess.

I have a really hard time meeting other women too. I actually have not been out with a different girl than the girl I mentioned in the OP in like 5 years. Basically, she was my primary focus in the dating realm of things for a long while.

I also feel that forgetting her would do a number on my brain. She is like the only girl to have ever showed me this kind of attention.

>>18225737
You literally need to grow up and realise that there are over 3 billion females in the world, probably millions in the country in which you live. You can live without her companionship, and will definitely find attention from someone else out there.

You just have to be optimistic – not as a mental trick, but beacuse it's true – someone else out there will give you what you're looking for, coz you sure as fuck won't get it from her.

>>18225750
>>18225676
this pretty much. Don't waste any more time on her because it's going nowhere. She's a mental hooker anon, with what little effort she's putting into "taking things slow" with you for it to be 5 years later now I guarantee you she's got a few other dudes who have convinced themselves "she's the one" and are moping around in puddles of their own slobber ignoring potential qts that would really appreciate them.
Don't be one of those guys anymore anon

>>18225763
I understand. But I feel super alone right now. I want to delete her number but I know it by heart. I just wish I could meet more women who I could try to date. My life is very... one dimensional? I pretty much only go to work and maybe the gym. I rarely go any place "fun" I guess. I don't do well in bars or parties and online dating has been fruitless for me.

A part of me rationalizes still talking to her by saying "a doctor wouldn't cut out a sick heart until they had a replacement heart. A sick heart is probably better than no heart?"

>>18225648
Maybe you could be in relation with more women if you didn't use the word "chase" to talk about them.
Respect is important to build relationships.

>>18225785
I hope you realise that this feeling you have - of loneliness and wanting to date someone – is purely biological, to get you to breed. You can get by in life without the need to date someone.

Finding a partner is not the goal of your life. The goal is to be happy through a range of things. If you have hobbies, interests, friends, even places you like going to alone, things you enjoy watching or listening to. You don't need a partner to enjoy life.

One that's taken care of, just trust that you'll eventually meet someone. I promise that you will.

Guys can waste their younger years doing what you're doing over this girl. The guys who get girls never do it by chasing for several years and being friendzoned like you. The small thrills and feelings of hope you get from what you're doing mean nothing, because they will get you nowhere – they've never gotten anyone anywhere in life.

So forget about her. Delete her number. You don't need contact with her to be happy. Do other things. eventually, you'll meet someone at the shops, cafe, bar, event etc. From there, you don't bother with the futile "build friendship, the relationship will come" – instead just say "wanna get coffee/a drink/lunch sometime?" You probably fear rejection, which is why you do this to yourself, but without the risk comes no reward.

>>18225648

Meet. Other. People.

Hang out with more people, make more friends. Just spend less time around her.

>>18225785
In response to your rationalization the doctor would tell you "Yeah that's true and this bitch is making your heart sick. Knock it off or we're gonna have to find you a replacement heart, stop talking to this boring ho"

>>18225785
http://frithluton.com/articles/anima/
Study the anima and other related stuff by Jung m8. Helped me get over my need/desire to interact with women. Realized it was a pretty manipulative poisonous mindset I was in, where women were some "endgoal" or "entity" that I needed to date to win the game or else I felt miserable. This thinking is bad for your mind bro

Get some nice clothes and take up some new hobbies, I've been hiking and swimming last couple of weeks and starting to notice a huge difference in my mood.

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>>18225648
> How do you not "chase" women?

Value your time,yourself,your expectations and aim to ignore those who don't think much of them or don't want to participate.

Something i've learned is that when you're when you're trying to interact with girls you need to be capable of doing all of that or else you're in for painfully shit times of getting strung around,stressed out and trying to break through barriers. When you get it down though you'll be the one stringing them along and making them knock down their own barriers. Since what you'll be doing when you do grasp that is basically going like "whatever" whenever they turn your back on you and going on to have fun.

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Remind yourself that they're a dime a dozen

"Soulmates" and "the one" are bullshit ideas meant to keep betas submissive providers for their 3D waifus

Remind yourself that women HATE being chased

I know Hollywood made it seem romantic but IRL she's running away thinking "ewww this creep probably can't get any other girls! Stay away from my eggs!"

The happiest relationships are where a girl is chasing after the guy, and the guy throws her a bone occasionally to keep her excited

A woman who wants to "take things slow" in your circumstances is trying to protect herself from an over invested faggot

You must change your thinking

Flirt with many women, even ones you may not personally want

Remember that what you can find here can be found anywhere, and what cannot be found here cannot be found anywhere else

I think your testosterone levels may be low if you're this obsessed with having a gf, low test males are more emotional and have weaker sex drives

Women hate you because you're already a woman yourself

Lift weights m8

>>18225869
B-but... girls never chase after me? Even if I completely ignore them, they won't message me first, ever.

>>18225895
Girls chase a guy with skills and self-interest. Seen qts date ugly/fat dudes because they were confident due to the fact they were welders or musicians or properly /fit/. They had interest in themselves and strive for what they decided they wanted to pursue. Not out of some vain/emotional pursuit of women fueled by letting your dick think for you, but because they decided they deserved to have those skills and that self-fulfillment so they worked for it. Get workin on yourself brah

>>18225895

Don't listen to that dude. He is right about not chasing girls all the time, but the opposite isn't better. To date, you kinda have to, you know, want to be there. Both of you.

A relationship seen as a one-sided power struggle always makes someone feel bad.

>>18225868
Value my time? I understand what you mean but my time is weird. Basically I am never busy or already made plans. The only time I am "busy" is when I am at work.

People could call me any other time and I would just be at home laying around.

I find it hard to value my own time when I am like never using it I guess?

>>18225906
>I find it hard to value my own time when I am like never using it I guess?

Use it, then. Get out of the house more. Be at a point of your life where you can say "I can't that day, I'm busy" and have that "busy" be something fun.

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>>18225895
Because they aren't attracted to you. End of story. If you've ever known what it's like to have a woman actually desire you then you're aware she'll be blowing up your phone and agonizing with her friends over every vague thing you say and do. Cut them out of your life.

And remember that it's about your value as a man. Women don't get crazy over boring nice enough unsociable low self esteem guys who live school-work-gym-video games.
>>18225901
Very true. Girls wanna be swept up into your exciting and interesting world. And meek guys don't offer that.
>>18225904
Fuck outta here.

Relationships shouldn't be a power struggle if you're doing it right. Man leads, woman follows. That's really it. Women only stop obeying a man when they've lost respect for him.

>>18225919
I understand what you are saying. And I will try. But one obstacle I have is that I can't do stuff aimlessly? Like one thought crossed my mind like, I could go to the mall but what is the point of me being there?

Basically, with no objective or goal, I can't do things. I tried going to the mall recently and ended up leaving because I couldn't tell why I was there.

What is it that people do when they are busy? Now that I think about it, it's been a very long time since I have been "busy". Fuck...

>>18225936
>Women only stop obeying a man when they've lost respect for him.

You seem to want a slave, a child, an employee, or something like that. But whatever. I'm sure you can find a girl with enough damage to actually consider a relationship with you. Hope you two make each other happy. No one deserves to be alone and bitter.

>>18225940

Join a club or something. Do you like or would like to try something? Do that! Learn something new. Just try, at least. Try to make your day worthwhile.

>>18225940
Get your self-esteem in order mate, life's a mission. You're gonna die eventually do something cool. Pick up a guitar, start doing calisthenics, go join a bookclub or something

>>18225940
Would say just try a little bit of a whole shitload of new things. Google/practice unique ways of whistling, or practice doing handstands. I know it sounds silly but the more small things you get decent at the more it will reinforce your ability to at least do something "productive" with your life instead of just existing. Man wasn't built to just exist, there's a reason most Neets and fat people are incredibly undesirable. Not only have they openly chosen to do nothing to stave off their inability to be helpful or entertaining, they've almost taken a directly conflicting stance against the beauty that humans are capable of achieving in mind and in action.

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>>18225942
Awful lot of demonization and vitriol for someone you've never met.

I don't want a slave, all women are children, and employees are typically for lazy people. Now that I've addressed the ad hom and passive aggression for fun I'll continue.

Your characterization of women is flawed. They enjoy being dominated and led, there's nothing bad about it. My gfs like being told what we're gonna do, what they're going to order, what to dress like, etc.

What, you think I advocate being some authoritarian nazi dickhead? Get over yourself. I love women, and I recognize like anyone with eyes that they enjoy submitting to men they like.

What, you think I'm some sort of hurr durr "bring me my supper, woman!" white trash in a wifebeater? Guys like that are greater beta tryhards, too insecure to dominate a woman softly.

>>18225977
>all women are children

Yeah, I don't know you. I just know your speech. Good luck. I seriously mean it. Not even you deserve to be so lonely. I just hope you see that some day.

>>18225977
I could never find a proper wording to describe it, I'm stealing "dominating softly" hahaha

>>18225988
Eh I doubt this guy is lonely. Been with 4 women, 2 were longer relationships and they were a lot more respectful and reasonable when I didn't take shit. I can see where you disagree with him saying all women are children, but a lot of them sure do fuckin' act like it and no one really likes a pushover. Good women and bad women alike will go for the asshole who knows he has worth vs the nice fella who lets everyone beat his cheeks.

>>18226001
>they were a lot more respectful and reasonable when I didn't take shit.

That's called "having self esteem". There's nothing wrong with that. What he is describing is not that, though.

Unless by "not taking shit" you mean "giving shit to her", as if a relationship is a zero-sum game. In that case I can't agree with you.

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Op do yourself a favour

Use this picture on tinder and watch how awfully judgemental and superficial women can be

>>18226015
I don't lying on dating websites. I feel it ruins the integrity of these sights.

>>18226085

> Website to meet scuzzy people for casual sex
> Integrity

>>18226085
Too late, every other guy has already ruined it. If you say your height, expect women to think you're 2 or 3 inches shorter.

>>18225988
Dude, why do you insist on this ad hominem of all things? I have a main girlfriend and a few girls I mess with.

You've offered no actual retort aside from trying to insult me personally or invalidate me with assertions.
>>18226001
:3

Long story short OP you're in that age where hormones are forcing you to date girls.

Even those who are like "fuck off" to girls they can't have are at least getting laid on a regular basis.

If you're not a homo you will be chasing girls for a long time still.

The solution to your problem is to go outside meet other girls and chase them too.

You don't love that girl you talk about, better accept that fast.

Where to meet girls?
I suppose you are not the night club type so:

-After-office
-Bars
-Coffee
-Gym
-College(obviously not a good choice)

You can also try street talk but it's hell hard.

If you have free time just keep hanging around these places until you notice a girl "noticing you" go talk to her, she knows already what you want so don't worry.

>>18226160

Yeah, it's not ad hominem. I'm really tellng you ou can be actually happy. Being lonely is not the same as being alone. You need so many girls in your life to fill a void. But that void is there because you put a barrier between yourself and half the population. You can't love them and you can't be loved. That's why you are so miserable.

>>18225676
>lots of girls like me
>don't really like them
>Meet a girl and like her
>tells me after I start doing relationship stuff with her
>All her family outings and "Hanging out with friends" were here hanging with him

Said she considered leaving him for me but after reading this I'm pretty sure she's just keeping me around for the attention since her bf doesn't talk with her much and they live a city away. And if she was going to I'm sure she would have done it in the past three months between her telling me and now.

Any advice from anons? Might just semi-ghost her and stop and fuck one of the other girls to get over her. Sound like a plan?