Boyfriend lost his luster?

Sorry to be the one to bring bad news, but when people get like this, it's almost impossible for someone else to pull them out of it. They have to want to change by themselves.
You can try to make him see how you see it, but there's no guarantee.

>>18218137
I miss him so much...i feel like im living with a stranger. He has just gotten so bad. For example:

>for a few months his tooth has been hurting
>but hasnt gone to dentist despite being fully covered
>few days ago tooth cracked in half
>inside is black
>he is mortified and super upset
>but does nothing to fix it
>just now has half a tooth in his mouth he ignores
>back to hours of gaming

He has depression for sure...but he just wont do a damn thing about it. Like he doesnt even care.

>>18218148
I've never had a sexual relationship. I've dealt with shitty people all my life, they're weights that try to drown you. Usually they want to drown, you could hold the, down under the water to ease the suffering. But that's a tad extreme, anyway femanom to summarize, if he can't change fuck him, he may not be strong enough or smart enough. Cut you losses

Lost his luster is an understatement. You leaving him might be enough to jolt him back to reality, which is what you should do.

>>18218131
Something's up with him. Obviously he won't talk about it. Until he talks about what's bothering him so much, he can't try to fix it. If he doesn't try to fix his issues, he's going to keep acting like this. Spoiler alert: there's nothing you can do to make him do any of this.

You need to have a long conversation with him about what's changed and why it's not working for you and try to get him to open up about how he's feeling. If he refuses to talk about it... well it's trickier after that, but all amounts to "how much are you willing to fight for this relationship before you just say fuck it and admit it can't be fixed".

>>18218131
You sound exactly like my ex... What in the fuck

>>18218231
I put 6 years of my life into this.. we were highschool sweet hearts. I dont want to just abandon that...it really means a lot to me.

We just had a big talk and he apologized, but refused to tell me what was wrong saying he didnt want to discuss it and that this was just "a bad patch". I dont know if that will help but thank you anon. I hope maybe this talk will finally sink in....

>>18218204
I feel mean asking him to change. Im not a very bold person and changing for someone seems wrong, but i cant help but agree with you. I changed my entire vocabulary (he doesnt like me saying certain things because lf his abuse) and ive gained and lost 50+lbs for him. It seems like he could at least try.

Sounds like he reverted back to being a child. Throwing tantrums when he isn't happy, fucking around on games all day, and not wanting to see help medically or mentally. Just leave him, you won't be able to pull him out of this and he will keep living like this because you are giving him the easy life and he want's to keep it.

>>18218131
Same thing happened to me with my first girlfriend

Didn't care about life, drank a lot, cried every night, video games and porn addicted. Girlfriend breaks it off with me. Got very close to killing myself.

People only really change in these situations if they hit rock bottom or die. My rock bottom moment was after a alcohol and coke fueled night with two drunk underage Asian chicks. I'll spare you the details but I turned into a real monster and it terrified me.
After I really got my shit together and now I'm in a very fullfilling relationship with high career ambitions. I'm glad to be alive and I wrote a letter to my ex apologizing for all the shit I had done and we are on good terms now.

Hopefully something less drastic can pull him back into reality but it really comes down to how stubborn and lucky he is.
You could try an intervention and rehab also but its a safer less effective route

>>18218291
He knows he has you trapped it's why he is getting worse, sorry for all my bad grammar but I'm drunk on a tablet. Anyway people like that are. Black holes, I think you're too agreeable. If you think he loves you then you're wrong. I fight that monster myself and in my family. If he has no control or drive then he has no consciousness. Femanon you have to make that hard choice, you have to free yourself. You probably avoid conflict, I get that but you can't let him break you. Leave his fucking ass. He will cry and beg and do everything to make you stay. he may make promises DO NOT LISTEN. HE WILL DO ONLY WHAT IT TAKES TO BREAK YOU AND KEEP YOU AROUND.

Anon people like him look for people like you. People who are vaulnerable, naïve. That was my childhood and parents. Trying to help them got me into psychology. Your bf reminds me of my dad, I'm a lot like my dad. Anon, Your "old" boyfriend was a lie. It was bait to lure you in. It was him pretending to be something he's not. Anon keep walking and don't look back

>>18218131
He has severe depression. Probably learned helplessness. It's common given the way the economy works now. Guys usually have higher less mundane goals but less patience for everyday mundane interactions to try to get there and fewer relationship skills and support mechanisms, so they've been hit particularly hard imo. If you want to make one last attempt at it, try researching learned helplessness and thinking about your own long-term goals. What could he look forward to that is achievable? What do you look forward to that is achievable? Regardless you need to tell him to treat you better. I've been depressed for long periods but I have always treated my girlfriend at the time well. I don't think I have ever yelled at one.

>>18218148
One of the symptoms of depression is not caring about anything anymore. I only got help because my folks forced me to therapy.

>>18218291
>I put 6 years of my life into this
That seems like a lot more on the underside of 30, but people have wasted more of their lives trying to make hopeless relationships work. And I get the highschool sweetheart thing. It's great, something I wish I'd ever had at all, but I was a hapless virgin in high school. My point is, people change. Especially coming out of highschool and growing into adults. It's just possible that you're both at points in your life where the relationship doesn't work anymore.

I'm glad you talked to him. I hope it helps. The bottom line is, if you aren't happy something needs to change. Don't let something that's comfortable trap you in a bad place just because it's the only thing you've ever really known.

>>18218148
>few days ago tooth cracked in half
>but does nothing to fix it
Holy shit, he's fucked. This is beyond your ability to fix, OP. I'd tell you to seek professional help but it sounds like you've already tried that and I don't know where else to send you. Cut and run, I guess.

>>18218393
Nailed it.

he needs your help and understanding
we arent your entertainment boxes that talk and fuck you
stop using him

if he was good enough when he was funny, then help him go back to it

for the beta orbiters telling her to break up:
she wont suck your tiny willies

I had a similar problem with my husband. Is he extremely alcoholic? I learned that most of the issues in my relationship ended abusive because he constantly got drunk and couldn't control his temper. And you know what, after I told him I had enough he stopped and everything was fine again (of course it wasn't as easy as said, but we worked it).

Question is if that is the root problem in your relationship.How long has this been going on? Because if you tried for months already I'd look to distance myself from him, he might not realize his behavior since you constantly occupy him. He needs a break or something to get his life back on track, and clearly you have little influence. I'm sure there is some underlying insecurity he has and it could be either the drinking triggering it or him just generally analyzing his life.

You can't do much, you either stay unhappy with him or separate to let him know that it's going to far.

>>18218335
This guy gets it
Also to an extent >>18218926

I can confirm that in the state of mind he has, he has no ambitions, feels isolated regardless of you being there and hates his situation. Been depressed to the point of being suicidal, the only thing that got me out of it was seeing other people as broken as me and saying fuck it and trying a second chance doing the stuff I had reservations about before since I could always off myself and ignore the consequences. Actively being social, somehow getting a girlfriend, getting hobbies and restoring previous interests gave me motivation again. That stuff doesn't leave you though and it's easy to dwell on past problems, of which he seems to have many. I've been overly complacent for a year now because I can't continue school and I can't find a job so I all but stopped trying, often falling into bouts of self-pity or resentment because the past efforts I put in have amounted to nothing so why bother continuing trying so hard, yada yada, you get the idea. He likely feels similarly, he has no job so he doesn't feel like he's accomplishing anything. He's not actively studying for a higher degree or overall career so there's no sense of progression and the tasks of entering school or searching for a job or changing habits to be more productive around the house is in no way appealing compared to the instant gratification of games, which probably don't make him happy since he's over-saturated himself with them.

If he cares about you he will make seemingly small efforts at improving if you talk bluntly about how this is affecting you and you're considering leaving. Those small efforts will be extremely stressful and you need to help and encourage him. Don't dismiss or criticize his attempts to change and don't dry to coerce him with insults and nagging. Also if you don't acknowledge things he does he'll think "why fucking bother then" and stop. Ultimately he needs to decide to change on his own but you can motivate him

>>18218971
And with separate I don't mean break up, but simply give him a warning that you are not a puppet. Clearly you suffer from his temper too.

>>18218393
THIS so much

There are better man out there and you will feel misserable looking back at your life seeing how you pumped all your energy into a failing investment instead of doing what every reasonable person would do: Cut his loss.

>>18218926
So when he starts beating her, you are gonna start the slow clap?

Thing is that men only grow if they feel like they need to, to achieve things. Men don't get mature by beeing given every thing they want for free

>>18218131
Cure his alcoholism first and foremost.
It's the devil when it comes to anything depression-related.
Then tell him to sort himself out, that he's not the person you first met and that his current self is disgusting you.
If he shows you that he doesn't give a shit, drop him immediately.
But if he does, start doing more stuff together. Sports or some other activities. Shit helps get your mind off the hard stuff in life.

>>18218335
>My rock bottom moment was after a alcohol and coke fueled night with two drunk underage Asian chicks.

Sounds like a dream TBQH

>>18218393
Damn anon, i dont even want to think about that. Im no psychologist but the guy i fell for was around the first three years. I know he was.. But at the same time i cant deny any of the stuff youve said. He really did a complete 180. The worst of it was when he got extremely drunk one night a few months ago and started throwing things, breaking holes in the wall, and calling me a dumb whore. He was screaming at the top of his lungs and just slewing curse words at me. Finally i left but when i came back he told me sorry and that hed stop drinking. A promise that only lasted a few months. We compromised that he drink only once a week? So i guess thats an improvement? A night that bad has never happened again.

And yes, im a very quiet person...i dont tend too be confrontational.

>>18218675
But i already forced him into therapy...he didnt talk to the therapist at all.

>>18218926
How am i using him? And i HAVE been helping, for years ive spent nights up and talking to him, dealt with his drunken outbursts, soothe him when hes upset, force him to therapy, try medication, try everything i possibly could. I dont know what else i can do, please tell me if you have any ideas.

>>18218971
Its been at least 2 years since its gotten this bad. Usually him being drunk is the worst of it, when hes sober he is either chill and we have fun or hes upset about work and is a grouch.

>>18218976
I'll definately try to be more encouraging. Im to blame partially for just being so fed up i became mean myself, but i'm going to have to be more self aware and reign it in.

>>18219019
He does things to improve. Or at least, he did. But the worst he got the more of a wall we hit and now he thinks im a bitch for trying to change him.

When i try saying he should drink less he gets mad. Drinking is a big contingency in our relationship, he keeps saying "you just wont be happy until i stop! It makes me happy!" So then i just feel guilty for even asking. As for

>>18219052
Drop him.
If he can't get around without alcohol and gets pissed off at you for trying to drag him away from it, he's beyond saving and will only drag you down.
If he can't sit down and notice that he's a sad fucking piece of shit right now, and that he's so much different from back when you first dated, and that he should change to improve the life of both of you, you need to set yourself free from him.

Otherwise you'll both be miserable.

Let it (him) die.

>>18218926
>if you cant handle me at my worst, then you dont deserve me at my best: the post