GIOYC

After months of trying. After trying to find out what happened between us. After looking at myself and the pathetic creature I had allowed myself to become. I finally feel better. I finally have accepted you are gone and safe from the monster I became.
I did love you, no, I still do and in that I have to let go. Completely this time. No ill will from what I caused. This was my doing, and I can only try to learn from this and let you be happy. What ever comes from this. I hope it's better for the both of us.

A rambling now.
Sometimes things aren't as bad as we make them out to be. The clouds not as dark and the mountain slope we walk not as steep. The sun slightly brighter than you remember.
Hope is a strange thing. Like a candle in the wind, so easy to die out.
But that's when you need to cherish the glow of that flame, for the light it provides is the most beautiful thing in that moment. It's what staves off the darkness, that which tempers our courage to go forward. That which will eventually guide us out of the withered forest, seeded with nothing but our doubts and despair.

Hope, is it a factor in our humanity? Or something more intricately bound to the universe? Heck if I know. I doubt any of us will really ever know. We can only hope.

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I'll never look the way I want to and I'm seriously struggling to come to terms with that.
I will always look fat in my eyes because of my build and shape. I will never have those tiny thighs, that rectangle shape, those smaller boobs, the narrow hips, the long legs.
No matter how much weight I lose, how much I work out, I will never be what I really want to be. I can't even get there through plastic surgery.
I don't know how to handle this. I'm not sure what the point of living is if I'll never be attractive.

/adv/ just goes round and round in circles, there's no help to be found anywhere.

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Ima bout to say some real mean and nasty shit. I would never have said it to the person it's directed to.

You're a fucking constant liar. It's funny that you think ___ believes every lie. Before, I said maybe you lie because you want to keep us looking up to you. Now I just see it as you trying to boost your fucking ego. Oh yeah and the only reason why I had that small crush on you was because you were the only one to flirt with me, and I can't believe I fell for a guy like you, at all. You're also pretty fucking controlling over friends and I sometimes wonder maybe you're manipulative. I still remember you almost split your wrists open because you thought you upsetted ___ and I was talking you out of it while you said that he was the only person who mattered to you.

Oh yeah and what the fuck is with your obsession with British (it's actually English) chicks? Like goddamn every character from Star Wars that's British, you've loved even when they were a total shit character. I literally went along with it because I didn't want to make you mad. Those characters were shit and Felicity Jones in Rogue one was like a piece of cardboard. And ___ told me that You're going to England for 2 years to find a woman to marry, and you're only roomating with him for 2 months before leaving. What the fuck is wrong with you? And you really plan on trying to force your future children into marrying English people? Dude that's not okay.

/rant
I apologize for the pure anger in this post, but I've needed to get it out and move on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkPy18xW1j8

Today was my dad's birthday. I didn't know his birthday was today. I called him and near the end of the call, his voice broke and he said "gracias por recordarte".

I don't have anyone to talk to.

I don't feel comfortable.

I want my life to end, but I am too weak to take it.
I have no one.
I've never felt so alone.
It's deep, and it's heavy, and it crushes me.
Whenever I see a light it is quickly extinguished.
Even God has abandoned me.
I am useless. A sack of carbon aimlessly calling out for someone to simply hear me.
If I had the courage, I would end my life tonight.

Bipolar disorder is pretty awful desu. My minds moving at a thousand miles per minute right now and I just want it to slow down. Just way to much energy.

>>18217492
It will pass.

I think I'm disappointing my new boss a little, and that sucks, but I'm having such an intense reaction over next to nothing. Like, I was unable to answer one open ended question of his today at the end of the day, and I've been crying pretty much since I got home about it like I'm a total failure. I'm going to try to go in tomorrow and preemptively ask questions and show that I'm actively trying to get stuff down, but fuck, man, this is such an unnecessary response, but I don't know how to stop. I vented to a couple friends briefly but then just felt stupid for bringing it up and now feel like a fucking idiot there, too. I wish I'd kept my stupid mouth shut. I wish I were a normal person with a normal brain and didn't go into a self-loathing meltdown the second I get home over even the most minor of things.

>>18217468
Um, that means "thank you for remembering yourself"

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https://youtu.be/7Gpw9MW_CCQ
//
I don't wanna be your girl no more, no more
I won't hide the ways, I've tried
It's just not right
It's killing me tonight

>>18217508
Hey there, I somewhat know how you feel, you're not a failure, fren. You're not alone

Drank a bottle of Coke earlier, now I'm gonna be up all night. There's no point to even stay up anymore without them. I just end up thinking about them, stressing myself out over unanswered questions and what ifs.

Whether you find the video cringe or not, I do like this song https://youtu.be/vGtbpI3Xc4k?t=1m26s

>>18217509
Yeah, yeah, you know what I meant.

From the last thread:

>please, send me a message, tell me where you are, how you are doing, i miss you, i love you. please contact me, because you know i can't contact you

I'm pretty sure this wasn't meant for me, but now I have to get a few things off my chest. I can't tell you where I am, for fear of you showing up here. But I am safe. I am doing well. I think about you often, but it doesn't affect me like it did.

I have a new boyfriend now. He's completely opposite from you. It's funny, because he always wears safety pins just like you used to. The strange thing is thinking about how you two met at prom, and back then none of us would have guessed how things are now.

I have a job again. I hope you find one soon if you haven't already. People think I'm crazy for hoping that you're doing well. It's funny that most people want justice or revenge, but all I want is forgiveness and grace. You hurt me, but I don't wish for you to be hurt too. I still care about you. I know you might not believe it, because I forced you to cut contact with me. But you can't control yourself. You knew exactly what you were doing and you forced me to do things I didn't want to do. I realized you can't let me go, and I had to protect both of us.

You have no idea how often I want to tell you something I'm excited about. How I want to watch a movie with you. How I want to see how you're doing. I miss you too. And I suppose I still love you, but not in the way I used to. I love you the way I love an alligator. Great to look at and be interested about, but don't get too close to it. It's dangerous. I can't even say I'd like you to be my friend. Because if any of my friends treated me the way you did, I wouldn't want them in my life.

Most of all I just want you to get better. I want you to see your mistakes and quit blaming other people for them. I want you to work on yourself. Stop lying about the most insignificant things. Stop cheating.

>>18217498
It certainly is a vicious disorder. I hope you won't end up like my mother.

>>18217556
#2
Stop desperately clinging to anyone who gives you the slightest amount of attention. Become motivated and ambitious. Take care of yourself. Learn how love in a healthy way. Stop manipulating people. If it truly was my fault like you say, you wouldn't have lost all your friends. You have to realize that you're doing these things, whether you mean to or not. And btw it's not cool to pretend to be physically abusive in public. To act like you hit the woman you "love". You're not a fucking man because you do that. NEVER treat a girl like that because you want people to think you own her. NEVER make her uncomfortable because you want to degrade her in front of strangers. It doesn't make you appear powerful or dominant. It makes you look like a complete ass because all you're doing is being abusive and pervy.

And in private, don't put your hands on her. Don't back her into a corner like you always did with me. You may not have hit me, but you've choked me, shoved me, physically restrained me, screamed in my face, grabbed my face and arms. None of that was necessary. You KNOW that. I don't know why you were so afraid to give me any fucking space. Why you had to get in my face whenever we argued. Maybe it had to do with your parents. Idk but I will certainly never let anyone do that to me again. I hope you never do that to another girl.

Please get better. I want you to have everything we dreamed we'd have. I wish I could've been the person to be by your side, but we've damaged everything we had too much. You really can be a great guy. You have so much potential. You could easily find a girl to love and start a family with. You just have to learn to supress your erratic and violent behavior. And I know you can, because you used to not be like this.

But for now, get a good job, take it easy. Learn to be ok with not having a partner. Find some friends and treat them well. Possibly get some psychological help. Continue moving on from me. Good luck, Duck.

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>>18217383
From the last thread, but I didn't notice the post count.
This is going to be a bit more of a vent.

So, without trying to sound self pitiful or anything, I see myself as nothing but a burden, just how I was raised, it's what I know.
That along with depression, severe anxiety, health problems, but being charismatic, caring, and humorous means that people who know about the former 3 things have related me to Robin Williams, and also see me ending up like him.

I've avoided relationships in general because of just how I see myself.
I've had one relationship, and that was really nice, but whenever I was around her, I'd feel physically sick just from the amount of guilt. It's not like I came to someone out of my league and just went for it and regretted it, she came to me and poured herself out to me. But I couldn't help but feel that they were just confused and were setting herself too low and underselling themselves. They could've done so much better than me.
Anyways, we had to end it since she and her family had to move across the states and there was literally no way of us being around each other for a while, we both came to the conclusion that instead of just being moping over not being able to come back to each other, we decided to just move on.
I stopped feeling the guilt since they were now free to get someone better, but an empty feeling in my chest came back as well as the feeling of being alone, though having a sizable friend circle.

At least not showing any interest in anyone makes people really trust me to talk to as well as never having any of those "i have a boyfriend" moments since girls trust that I won't hit on them or anything, so there's no problems there.

I like that people come to me to just talk to, just sitting, listening, and discussing with people who need it. It makes me feel useful.
I just wish I could handle a relationship so I could have someone to do the same.
I don't feel right talking about this stuff to friends.

It sucks. We love each other. I know you're mad at me, but it came as a surprise after all the neglect you gave me. I thought you didn't care. I thought I didn't care.
Looking back I can see you did. You just gave up instead of talking to me about it.
It sucks when two people who love each other can't work out a proper relationship. Sometimes we aren't quite right for each other.

I hope we can talk someday. If just to get to know other better.

I see it now, I can feel it now, I'm breathing it, living it

Feeling every breath like a precious gift from the heavens above,

Given to me to witness that which I didn't ask for, love

The pressure's on now, I'm getting high now

Off the fumes of your grace...


The more I feel, the less I think,

The deeper the thoughts, the higher the emotion

A life set in motion by simple words

Searching for an answer that's staring me in the eyes,

Thinking out loud to my own demise,

Saying the right things wrong and the wrong things right

Clutching secrets isn't healthy but this breed isn't meant for you to see

Gazing at the sand, your head in my hands, counting the seconds as they pass

You're speaking now, but your words are air, too focused in my stare

Too important to ignore, too thoughtless to listen,

Looking at the fields where I lay as a safe haven from this prison

You don't keep me here, it's my own doing

But I willingly choose to stay in your embrace

It stings like hell, it lights my passions on fire

Pain and pleasure given metaphysical meaning

Don't understand what they meant by the most beautiful form of love

Because it certainly isn't for me

Every day, you bear weight to my thoughts, an undeniable presence in my mind

Looking at the stars together as I weave these thoughts, your thoughtlessness unbeknownst to even you

Pride yourself on confidence in others, but I won't grant you that

Because to tell you all is to tell you to leave

And I could never live with that

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If I saw you again, would you say, "give me a kiss?" like you used to? When my face becomes flustered and I say, "Why? You're embarrassing me!" Would you place your fingers under my chin and lean my head up for our lips to touch? Would you answer, "because you're a cute girl"?
//
My bad for being so threatening in the past.

>>18217435

Mate, someone has to love English women, and it's really isn't the English men.

Female monarch, female PM... Why'd you think we have so many immigrants?
They need love too., just not from us blokes.

I'm sure if we bring a few Spanish girls over, we can make some sort of deal with Gibraltar though.

everyone misinterprets, theyll never understand what it means to carry this mind, never.

N: I'm sorry that I pushed you too far. We had separate understandings of what our relationship meant, and I was too stubborn to listen when you said you weren't in love. I miss you, even as a friend. You left a hole that no one can fill. I am happy to see you happy, and I hope you never feel as sad as I do when you reflect on our past.
H, J, M: I miss you guys. I remember freshman year we would stay up all night watching horror movies and talking about the struggles of this new world. I'm really struggling now.
A: You're the only one who makes me smile anymore, but when the smile fades, and you look away, tears well up, because I have a history of ruining everything I've ever loved. If this is going somewhere further, then say it, and say it soon. The longer I go down this road the greater the pain will be when I finally crash.

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I think I'm gonna be alone for my whole life. It kinda scares me.

I can feel you thinking about me, wanting to reach out to me, hoping I'll reach out to you. It's like this incessant prodding at the back of my mind... A dull ache.

I want no part of it.

I want you to let me go. Stop holding on to me, stop clinging to your adolescent obsession. Let me fade away like I meant to do in September.

You'll never hear from me again and I'll never hear from you. That's what's meant to be... C'est la vie.

>>18217730
Me too, anon. Hell, if you live in North Carolina, let's meet up and be forever alone together. I'll take anyone at this point.

M

You hate me like you hate your father.

A

I still can't forget her

I really need a hug

I matched with a girl on tinder and we really hit it off, good connection, good chemistry. We met up for three pretty casual dates, just going out to lunch and hanging out at various stores. Then we spent the day at a park, but when we returned we had sex. A lot of sex. The next day we met up again and had a lot more sex as well.

I really like this girl, but I feel like we spoiled a lot by moving into sex too fast. Should I tell her I want to slow things down?

Yeah, I still love you T.
-S

>>18217733
My emotions are under my control

>>18217752
Here anon: http://thenicestplaceontheinter.net/

>>18217738
Sorry brother but I'm far away from North Carolina.

>>18217795
That made me tear up, thanks anon!

The only reason I show up every morning is to get the chance to see you. You are breathtaking. Everything about you makes my heart spin. When you first spoke to me, I couldn't contain myself. I can't stop thinking about you. The way you talk, your smile, what fractions of your heart I have heard spill through your beautiful lips. I just want to be with you, alone, wrap myself in your arms, and breathe with you. But you'll never know any of this. To you, they're just conversations. To you, I'm just someone to pass time with in the morning. I fell for you too quickly, and I will pay for it in three weeks, when we both step foot out of that room one last time and never speak again. All I will ever have is the dream of your kiss. I simply pray my heart will forget you, that your name will fade from my memory, that someone will come along to love you the way that I wish I could love you. You make my day, but the sun is setting, and I know I will never feel your embrace.

>>18217816
Stop sounding edgy, this is the Internet not some safe space (SJW's, feminists, hillary supporters)

This is getting annoying.

>>18217820
>get it off your chest

>>18217733
Tell me this. Instead of hoping.
Be direct with me and you can be let free from this.

>>18217824
>comes to an obscure corner of the obscure corner of the internet dedicated to lowlifes getting their thoughts off their chest
>gets annoyed
Wow 10/10 best meme

>>18217738
There's always North Carolina threads in /soc/

>>18217820
Woah there that sort of response seems very familiar. Now I am uncomfortable. Hopefully your word choice is pure coincidence.

I want to chew your neck until it bleeds, and cum inside you while I lap up your blood.

>>18217855
Well, I think I may have a new fetish...

I'm only happy because I ignore my problems

>>18217830
My post wasn't meant for you, anon. The person it was written for doesn't browse this forum... But I've already been direct with him regarding this

I dunno. I would like a girlfriend, but I'm too scared to ask her out for fear of rejection and loss of contact soon to follow. On top of that, I don't think I'm the best option for anyone in my humble opinion. I've accepted the fact that no girl would ever have feelings for me the same way I have feelings for them. However, it makes me feel more lonely than anything else.

There's someone who is ready and willing to give her heart and soul to me on a metticulously prepared platter with a side of asparagus, but I honestly don't want it, and it's fucking me up inside having to deal with my lack of proper feelings and my now glaring, shallow desires in their place.

Fuck me.

Sometimes there are multiple voices in my head, they all sound like me, but they all have thoughts on their own. They're dicks, I'm constantly berated by them and no matter what I do I can't get rid of them. They come and go as they please. It hurts, I get headaches and it doesn't help my depression. They make me over think everything and slowly I'm losing every last thing that even brings a little smile to my face. They're trying to convince me to break up with my gf. They're trying to convince me to just end it. I've come close so many times. I want them out.

I hate my friends, they're all toxic and I can't stand them. However I can't just abandon them because I'm afraid of how lonely I'll become. Where I live there aren't many people you can tolerate. There aren't many people in general. I just want friends, real friends I could enjoy being around.

>>18217953
Are you me anon?

Im in the same situation, i simply don't care about her, when she messages me daily asking to hang out i get panic attacks, i make excuses and feel like a piece of shit, but when i do go i get bored and embraced to be seen with her. I wish she would just, die.

>>18217971
We should both consider cutting things off before they get any worse then.

>>18217855
cut my belly, shove my intestines in my mouth while fucking me, wew lad

You're such a fucking liar D. I knew you couldn't quit, even for me. You disgust me.

I have absolutely no motivation to do any of this right now. I finally achieved my goal of transferring out of community college, and now that I'm in an actual university I just dont have the motivation to do any of this schoolwork shit anymore. I'm paying for my own tuition with this slightly above minimum wage retail gig, and its just so depressing that all the money I make is getting funneled into this school. That alone should be reason to be motivated, but fuck having no money yet working, and having to spend my time in class where that money goes to is just so goddamn depressing. Can't work retail forever so I need to go on with school, but fuck I wish I had the motivation to d othat instead of being demoralized with the realization that for ~9 months everything I make will be funneled to it.

>>18218010
Addiction is the greatest struggle many people will go through in their lives.

He'll come around- but it can't be for you. It has to be for himself.

Learned this lesson over 5 years of heroin addiction. It took me dying and coming back to finally understand and make the change from within.

>>18218015
take a leave of absence on college.

There will be other times in life for it. If you are truly just wasting money and being miserable, don't.

Spend your money on what makes you happy. Focus on your social life.

>>18218028
>dying and coming back

I've heard of Black Jesus, but Smack Jesus? That's new.

A friend asked for Mother's Day present suggestions today. I laughed and said I wasn't the person to ask. The joke passed and I was left feeling angry and sad. But abusive alcoholics don't deserve a gift. You made my life hell until the day you threw me out. I'm getting married next year and you've never met my fiance or have any idea I'm engaged. I keep seeing all of these mother of the bride things and makes me ache. I should have someone to share my day with but you never gave me the chance. I tried opening up to you once and you're best advice was "suck it up" So fuck you- forever. If I'm still the beneficiary of you're will, I'm donating it all to a lgbt organization as a final fuck you.

>>18218028
Yes Im no stranger to addiction myself. However his is not life threatening nor a physical addiction. Just another neckbeard who cant stop thinking with his small dick

I, if you are here. Please contact me. I just want to talk. If you honestly want a proper try at thongs give me call or even a text.

Don't shut down on me. Please.

>>18217705
No man, I mean like this guy was kinda over the line. If a guy likes English ladies that's fine, but my I guess now would say ex friend went over the line, like he wants his future kids to only marry English people and shit. It was weird

You only hit me up so I'd buy weed from you. Im not some "valued customer" fuck you

>tfw no gf

I love yoy. You maybe the worst person out there. You maybe a sociopathic, pathological lying, promiscuous, drug using, vindictive bitch, but i love you. I don't want to fix you, I am just as broken as you are. But to me you are the most beautiful girl on the planet. You make more sense than any normal girl. Maybe I love you because you are a copy of me, and I know you will never let me in close enough to actually be there for you. Oh well, you are still mine in some way.

Please.. just let someone talk to me. Give me some answers. Why why why are you spending half a year torturing me? How much more am I suppose to take?

I'll never meet her, will I?

>>18218451
She's been there all along. Waiting for your to realize it.it's your right hand. Wipe the up off and give it's kiss

>>18218463
Only if you assholes quit watching.

>>18217916
I was like you until the beginning of this year. I'm always too scared to ask this one girl out. Miraculously, she's been brewing the same feelings toward me, and one night she just can't take it anymore and confessed to me. We're dating now, but she often teases me, says that I shouldn't fear rejection, and that we would've been dating for a long time if I managed to ask her out first.

You can do it, anon.

How long do I have to wait here, alone, at rock bottom?

>>18217953
Me too, after cheating on each other were back together but I'm back to my old ways because of details about the nigger and his ten inch dick

I don't know why I'm hung up on you. You are remarkably shitty at communication and sympathy. Part of me wants to say it's because your closest friend was an emotionally manipulative, gaslighting, abusive and controlling piece of shit. But now that he's gone, are you any better? Do you still think you can keep me around like an emotional tampon? I made my boundaries clear and expresses myself thoroughly but nothing ever stuck with you, and I didn't know why. I didn't understand how you managed to ignore the most important aspects of what I said, or how you did so many mental gymnastics.

I put up with all of it and stayed in contact with you because the right thing to do was to show you how manipulative our mutual friend had been. I didn't want to be involved and it wasn't my place, but one way or another you all kept roping me in.

And after everything I went through, you didn't bother telling me that you'd gotten the message and cut yourself off from that friend?
On top of that, you told me you lost feelings for me without ever having told me you had feelings for me.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

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I can't help it but i'm attracted to an autistic macedonian who is constantly bragging about "how easy it is with girls" and have to tell me every fucking thing he does with girls (doesn't happen very often desu).
Even if i'm rude and make fun of him, he comes back talking to me.

It's the kind of guy to show you guro mangas videos on youtube (yes it's actually a thing) when you're alone with him on his bed.

>>18217409
Nah your probably better looking than you think anonymous chan. Different strokes different folks. Find the things you CAN change and change them. Embrace what you can't or else you'll be stuck in this rut for ever.

I am a 5'5 guy who used to be 190lbs. I lost 40 lbs and felt pretty good but I still hated my height for a while. Only in time did I begin to embrace it. It actually gave me more goals to achieve even though they are kinda goofy. So chin up girl.

>>18217409
>Get off the proana websites.
>Find goals not related to your body and put all your energy to chasing them instead.
>Be grateful for what you already got, appearance wise, in life, everything.
>Love yourself.

Soon you realize that your current thinking is harmful as fuck.

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>>18217383
>realize i never fell in love with them
>i merely fell in love with who i thought they were
>continue trying to find ideal girl based on imaginary thought

Now that I have had few days to think about last weekend's family gathering, and my reunion with my cousins after over a year of not seeing them, I am starting to feel pretty ok about the whole thing. Talking about it with my therapist helped quite a lot.

After all, it became clear that my aunt was full of shit with her claims of my presence making my cousins uncomfortable and anxious. It was evidently not true, given that especially the younger girl kept seeking my company and obviously liked to be close to me.

Maybe things will get better eventually.

>>18218536
Forever, unless you do something about it. Don't expect someone to pick you up. Negativity pulls in more negativity. Who do you want to be anon? Visualize the person, become the person, even if it takes you 50 years to do so, it's better than wallowing in self-pity.

I love you

I'm 20 f and I give tours to students at different museums. Well today there happened to be a really cute 18 year old boy amongst the groups. I gave him the eyes, never have I wanted to live out a "teacher"/student fantasy until then. Hope he thinks of me tonight. ;-)

This is the first time since I started dating again that I really connected with someone, but it had been so long that I forgot how to behave when I feel close. You really liked me, but I blew it in the most stupid way possible. I deleted your number, if you message me again then I will answer, but for now I am going to move forward and learn my lesson.

I'm sorry that I blew it, because I know if I didn't do those things that it would have otherwise been enjoyable for you as well. Good bye.

So it's over.
The only thing I can really say is that you didn't want a mature relationship. You're so full of shit. I can see that now. If you wanted something like that we could have talked and communicated about our issues, but you had actually quit some time ago.

Maybe next time I'll learn to trust some one deserving. Not someone that just holds in things until it fucking ruins the relationship. I wasn't the only one that needed to grow up. Maybe someday you'll see that.

Fuck being lonely and desperate for female attention. It hurts so much. Just when I thought i was ok, that I could safely work here without having a crush for the first girl that I cross two fucking words, I fall for her. I didn't ever like her personality, everyone thinks shes an asshole, but when you gotta work with her everyday, you get to see her other side that isn't that bad at all. And she's so gorgeous. And her eyes...

So now I'm again like 5 years ago, at morning fearing going to work, but then desperately trying to talk and pass time with her, to develop some complicity.

And fuck the dating sites. One nail drives out another? That is for people that have the chance to have a second nail. I don't ever get matches or responses.

Back to pretending everyday, I guess...

>>18218864

Are you male or female? If female, he isn't going to ever look back at you fondly. You sound just terrible.

>>18218759
I know this feel. I was in the process of doing this. We're still feeling each other out. But I love her I really do. So much it hurts. But Iv forgotten how to act when I feel this way I guess? Plus certain ways she shows affection is different then me and it's because obviously we're two different people. I made the mistake of believing that basically my way was the way you show affection and to pull away from that was being done to hurt me. So I was a retard and made it all about me instead of focusing on her hurts and pains.

I'm glad we worked and figured it out. I want us to both be in a happy nurturing and loving relationship together. I don't know where this self doubt came from this almost crippling insecurity. But I know it now and I can let it go. We're gonna make it I just know it in my heart. What I feel is my heart beating so fast when I'm with you.

>>18218883

Well, I didn't love her. I think maybe I could have, but before I met her I didn't think I could love anyone which is the part that hurts. It is a strange feeling, because it only the potential that I lost. I am pretty much over it right now, I experienced the feeling of failure and then set my sights forward. Glad I have friends I can call to go have a night out, it instantly made things better to make plans.

God damn it! I have fallen for you again!

>>18218897
I'm sorry anon. I felt the same for a long time. I didn't think I'd find anyone I could love again. Then I met her and honestly I pretty much knew from that minute onward. She's the one for me. I know well disagree and I know well have moments of drama. But it's worth it this relationship. I feel. And for awhile I was pushing her away with my issues and shit and I didn't see it.

I know one day you'll find that person anon. I found mine. Yes we've had a rocky time lately and it was my fault in a lot of respects. But I want to put in that work you know? I know when something amazing is in front of me. When something worth fighting to my last breath is in front of me. That's her.

>>18218881
If he was male would you suck his dick?

someone talk to me

god this website is shit

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I would turn gay for you, bro.
You were always there for me.
I feel that I never gave back nearly enough. I'm sorry that sometimes I left you behind just to go out with women and score, that you were an afterthought for me. I'm sorry that it's just now that I'm helping you with your confidence issues, when I could have gotten you to score long ago, bro.
I'm sorry that I'm not able to tell you all of this.
I hope we will stay friends until death.

>>18218992
What's up anon.

>>18219002
like i said, this website is shit. id literally consider going to reddit and tumblr but those websites are also shit. i dont know why, but i just dont think i fit with the culture of the people here. im not sensitive, i just think a lot of people are really close minded. everyone seems so selfish. everyone makes so many assumptions, so many conjectures. sure there are great discussions from time to time but still. theres a toxic mentality in every board.

ive been on this website for 7 years and im horrified how i hadnt seen this when i was younger.

>>18219020
Well friend what can I tell you. We're all monsters sometimes. Everyone's toxic sometimes.

It's just people. Yeah people are shit but persons exist in groups of people. And persons are enjoyable to know.

>>18219023
im completely fine socializing irl. im with the most toxic social clique i know and theyre not half as bad as the people here.

ive barely met any enjoyable people here, majority seem like living archetypes/stereotypes, thats not to say theres some open minded/at least decent folks around.

can i ask what is your nationality, if you dont mind? people have the ability to become bad but that doesnt make it an excuse to lean towards the mentally ill side.

So the past 2-3 years my father replaced my brother,mother and myself with a new family he found at work and in this time he's lied and cheated us out of time and love by spending it with others who only yes him as a resource,I cant hangout with him anymore and pretend everything is fine with him gone so the month of the new year I decided to limit all contact with him as possible.I still get text but I don't answer,he calls yet I don't pick up mainly because I can't trust he's his words anymore and with the actions he took with no explanation ,I don't agree. It takes two to tango, he made his bed when he pulled all his shit you'd except from parent in their 30's, I shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt.

Am I wrong for cutting him off? I'll probably see him again its a small world but should I?

I can feel myself slipping again; but I've come so far, why should I stop now?
Though, it would be so much less painful if I did just giveup..

>>18219038
It will be more painful in the long run if you stop.

We are talking again, but you feel so distant now. Not that I blame you, I put you through a lot of shit and we both said things we didn't mean. Neither of us are bringing up the past, but it feels like we only put a bandaid over a wound that needs stitches. I want us to be close again. I want you to wake up and text me good morning like you used to. I want to come home and talk to you for the whole day like I used to. I still love you so much and I don't think I can bring myself to tell you. I don't want to scare you away when we just started talking again. There's so much I want to say. Just please, please open back up to me. I miss you so much.

i fucking hate america

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i love my parents but they fucked me up pretty badly
they have for the most part been emotionally absent, only my mom was far more "caring" so i ended up becoming a lot like her and i have a lot of subtle feminized behaviour
my dad on the other hand I am almost certain is on the autistic spectrum, I have a lifetime of observing him to believe that, but for one example he literally once started yelling at me and turned all the electronics in my room off because i was on the last level of an arcade game and told him he had to wait a few minutes if he wanted to play with me (I couldn't have been older than 11 at the time, like ??????)
theres many more cases through my childhood that could essentially be described as a grown man bullying a child, & when the only emotion your father shares with you is anger during formative years it really fucks you up
i feel like i need therapy to deconstruct all the ways my home life has innocuously fucked me up. It took me a surprisingly long time to realize normal parents don't act like this at all

>>18217383
I just fucking nutted and now i stopped caring about my ex. It really all just a feeling of excitement. It was never love.

>>18218641
>tfw found a girl that fits my imaginary archetype on twitter but know i have no chance with her whatsoever and scared she's crazy so i just stalk her profile occassionally

I hate myself

I wanna cuddle with you in between sex that will leave me physically drained but fulfilled, double that if I manage to satisfy you.

>>18219020
>sure there are great discussions from time to time but still, there's a toxic mentality in every board.

It's 4chan man. Most of it is dirt, but there are a few diamonds. Socialize with real people (if you have them).

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You said you love me, but I don't know if I can believe it. I feel like I'm the only one who's trying. You probably don't even want me, you just think nobody else could possibly love you. I'm just the one girl who didn't leave (probably because I'm an idiot).
It was wrong for us to get together to begin with, but it feels like we're stuck this way. I can't just up and leave you in the dirt.
Whatever. You'll probably find someone else you think is better. Then, you'll tell me everything is my fault for not trying hard enough, and that will be the end of that.

>>18219151
Bullshit I told you I love you because I do. This feeling in my heart, this beating this strength. When I look at you I feel it. I'm not going to leave not as long as you pledge the same.

No it wasn't damn it. Yeah the circumstances forced us to do things faster then normal but I don't feel stuck at all. I'm glad you don't want to leave me in the dirt, because I could never leave you there either. Someone better? You're the only girl for me! You're the end all be all.

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>>18219161
Gross. Too mushy.

Mom, take care of your fucking dog. A German Shepherd Rottweiler isn't supposed to stay inside the house all day. Fucking walk him. Stop complaining that he gets hair everywhere. That's what he fucking does, you should have known this before you got him. He doesn't know what the fuck "downstairs" means, you never taught him that, he's not fucking magic. He's not scared of everything because its his personality, its because you're a shit owner that made him this way. It's not cute. Yes, there's a proper way to take care of dogs and I know more about it than you, so yelling at me with "don't tell me how to take care of my dog" makes me furious.

I want you to ride my dick like a horse until you squirt everywhere

I need a vacation this summer. I'm so annoyed of overly affectionate people when I'm not ready to show my emotions or break down my walls. I miss having space and alone time. I'm more responsive and happy being alone.

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>>18219161
You don't sound like him at all. Silly.
It was nice of you to try, though.

>>18219167
Too mushy? No such thing.
Our love is the love that will pierce the heavens! Iv bounced back, I'm out of this weird funk. I'm full of love and energy and joy. So too mushy? I say not nearly mushy enough!

>>18219181
Well what's the initial of he first name of the person you're looking for? There was a reason I responded after all. People on here often post stories that others think are part of their life.

Who knows maybe I'm him?

Hoping she doesn't flake.

This girl and I agreed to just meet up and for me to fuck her.

No adress or time yet, and its been 2 hrs

I just figured out the one I fell in love with might be a sociopath.

>>18219177
Ever think you're only happy alone because you convinced yourself that you are, because of past experiences perhaps? It sounds like you're running away because you're scared of being hurt.

Iv been there before, being alone isn't healthy, and escapism kills you slowly.

I want to break up. I will never tell you this but you can sense it and you are trying everything in your power to not do it. I feel bad because you make me the happiest girl ever but you're not happy. I don't make you as happy as I used to. I want to say that you and I don't motivate each other as well as we do. Our laziness and procrastination hightens each other and I keep hoping that it changes.

>>18219193
She might've flaked, bro. Give it 10 more hours, then it's official.

>>18219262
Maybe. She was actually pretty hot as well. Nice ass and tits.

Funny. She was asking if I drove, then vanished.... Meh.... She might show up again later.

Internet was down for like 4-5 days here because state censorship(to suppress news) and parliamentary elections. Goddamn chief minister hag is really becoming another Hitler, and I hope she gets what is coming for her. But it kinda felt good when things were offline, though.

>>18219330
Serbia?

Cute girl went out of her way to ask me about something I briefly mentioned yesterday.
I really enjoyed the attention.

>>18219243
This pretty much fucked over my relationship with a wonderful girl who was my so for over 10 years. Sure, things weren't perfect. But we stagnated, and stop chasing our dreams and each other. I hardly had any to begin with, but I was happy just being there for her. She stop chasing hers and I lost a bit of the love I had for the ambitious gal I loved in HS.

We loved each other, but sadly we lacked communication skills and neither of us brought it up to the other. When she got sick of the stagnation she got rid of me without ever telling me that she wanted to get moving again. I wish we would have talked. I was never a fast runner, but chasing her as she chased her dreams it was what made me happy. Her ambition feed mine. It made me desire bigger things.

Like a wolf hunting it's prey, I ran faster when I hungered for her.

>>18219343

Kashmir

>>18219300
Perchance, is she a redhead with a greater A-T ratio?

If so, I'm praying for you. She's always been thirsted. You might not've had a chance to begin with.

Hey anons. Guy talking about A last thread. I'll be namefagging for a short while until I can feel comfortable in my own skin and not want to break down into hysterics talking about her.
A, you never visit 4chan. You probably never will. I've always been the weird guy in the relationship, while you've always been the nerdy sweet girl. We met four years ago, and I can safely say these past four years were the best of my life, simply because you were in it.
Sure I only had the guts to ask you to be my girlfriend two years ago, but nevertheless I was overjoyed when you said yes. You put smiles on my face, and laughter in my soul. You let me spoil you and you loved it. You loved me and I loved you.
Our anniversary was a little over two months ago, and I'll never forget the smile on your face and blush as I gave you a penguin plushy. Our 'child', you'd say. On Valentine's, you gave me a gift. We'd do this for the past few years, not missing a day or a second. I cherished everything with you, and I guess you did too.
I guess what takes me most by surprise is that you, a rich, Asian qt, decided to settle and fall for me, a hyperactive, joke making chump. So thank you so much for that.

>>18219383
Nope. Seems kinda like a 1 in a billion chance there.

It looked like she was spanish or mixed.

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I'm getting married in two months. My fiance has tried to leave me like 3 times before (for her ex). And last year we broke up for 2 months and then got back together, during that time she spent it with her ex.

I'm just hoping it never happens again and trying to be a better person for her but I'm sorta feeling a little like I'm going insane at the same time. Also in-between this trying to figure out my life, and pursuing a career in a very difficult industry.

Just nice to vent because I have literally no one I can talk to about this.

>>18219383
I enjoy red heads with bug booty and delicious flat chest.

>>18219408
Big

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I really hate going to church in my area, but at this point I don't think I'm going to find any other straight-edges who actually share my values - aside from at church.

>refuse to drink
>refuse to take any kind of drugs
>like work
>like homeownership
>love family
>religion is interesting, but doesn't rule my life
>live in area that is the polar fucking opposite in every respect

>>18219386
And so then it happened. You started being weird. You distanced yourself ever since. No more "love you"s before we sleep. No more of that old fire, just a bright spark. I tried everything to make it better. I was blinded by my optimism to leave you alone and give you space. To let you be you, without me breathing down your neck like the clingy bastard I am. But the inevitable happened I guess. We wanted to do long distance, because we loved each other, but you were hiding your feelings about it. Rationally, you thought it'd never work, no matter how much you want to believe.
You did this months in advance, and chose not to tell me because you were afraid of 'bias'. If you decide to make a decision that affects us, and our future, but choose to leave my opinion and me out of it, then something's wrong A.
You showed the signs. You tried to test what I'd do if you ignored me. Like the lovesick puppy I am I came crawling back. Every. Single. Time. And yeah. Congrats. You proved I'm clingy. Much more than you apparently.
Maybe some of them weren't intentional. We all have other problems, and I guess you distanced yourself away because you wanted time alone. I let myself believe that 100% of the time. I ignored the other possibility of it being intentional and blamed it on my paranoia and possible control issues.
I brought up long distance again. But only because I wanted to fight for us. To let you know I'd never give up on you. To let you know I'm willing to do anything to have you by my side forever. But I fucked up. And I forced my way down the drain along with what remained of us.
I wanted us to talk the next day. To resolve issues. To help alleviate whatever stress you have from me. Seems I did, as you had a lot of choice words for me. How pissed you were at me for everything. How you hated the way I'd act sometimes. How ridiculous it is that I'm so dependent on you. And all I had to say? I'm just mildly pissed off at how you had self esteem issues.

1st: I can't enjoy women-strong shows because I'm ashamed that I don't find them funny. I try to love them, but they're too fucking petty and quirky and hysterical-for-fun, but I bloody hate it. I'd wish there was a woman show where they all behaved like men. In other words: where you don't fucking think about their gender, but about exciting stuff, like cars and competitions and things. Who the fuck cares about that you can't be arsed to find a pretty cofee table like some magazine tells you to? You were dead to me the moment you even mentioned a stupid magazine. It's noise. ugh. I'm close to concluding that if they gotta behave "like men", then there's not a point to fitting women into the numerous roles that go into a series. i'm running out of fucks to give.

2nd: I can hardly wait until my bf and I break up. I just have to wait for him to be a tyrant again and I'll tell him it's the last I've had of his bullshit. The last few days he's been in a pleasant mood, but I know he'll find something to be mad about soon and it's just a matter of time before he'll try to make me pay for that - which I won't. If he says he loves me, I'll tell him he's mistaken.

>>18219421
We talked, and then in the calmest manner you had, you looked me straight in the eyes and said "Z, I'm sorry, but I'm done. I can't wait for that day were we agreed to call it off, so I have to do it now."
And just like that, what was once a roaring flame that meant our love, was snuffed.
Seems I took the blow the hardest. Hysterics and a therapy session to tell my head not to kill myself because I'm nothing without you. And that's what I hate the most I guess. You just calmly called it off, a hint of a fucking smile on your lips. Like this was a game. Like the past two years were a game. I barely slept because of you, and hardly ate straight. I don't know how you're taking it. And frankly, its none of my concern.
Everyday I find a new reason to end my life and blame this fall on myself. My aunt getting you a gift because she liked you. My brother finally apologising for being a racist shit to you. The songs of love and heartbreak on the radio remind me of you. You smiling in school. And all my daily activities. You just pop up in my head all the time.
Honestly? I hate how you did this to me. I hate the shit you put me through, and the shit I put you through. I hate how I lacked self consciousness and ignored my own faults and consequences for my actions. But what I hated most was losing you, knowing I'll never fulfil my dreams with you in them, like marrying you, and showing you the world. Sweet talking you for hours on end and kissing you. All gone.
Its only three days but I feel like its been an eternity of suffering and hellish feelings.

when does it stop?

>>18219446
And here I am. Just getting this pain off my chest on an image board full of anons with the same issues.
Alex, dearest. If you ever stumble on this post, however it happened, know that I'm sorry I did this to us. If I can go back in time, I swear I'd change for the better. Anything to get us back together. Even if for an extra day. You mean the world to me, the universe, and I hate every moment I'm not with you.
Anons, please learn from my mistake. I never want to wish this feeling of emptiness on my worst enemy. If you have a relationship, or want one, don't be so clingy and one sided. Relationships are two sided. Don't fuck up the way I did.
Alex, I wish I can talk with you again and say my mind without being an awkward fuck. I hope we can be friends, and I'm willing to talk with you, whenever you're ready.
-Z.

>>18217383
So, to trace events in reverse, i talked to my ex girlfriend today, after a few days of no contact. She told me she fucked her co-worker. She gets distant. We were hanging out like normal. She was being extra nice. I broke up with her. We were fighting all the time. I'd get angry with her. She was just getting defensive and blaming me for everything. I would get irritated with her. She would avoid talking abouy the problems in our relationship.

All that was in reverse. The conversation where she told me she fucced another guy happened today. Now I'm not sure what to feel. Mainly I'm scared I won't ever meet another girl because 98%, maybe more, of the female populations disgusts with their sluttu behavior or dull personalities. Usually a combination of both. I like my ex because she wasn't a slut, and she was probably the most interesting person i had ever gotten to know. Her major personality flaws were her defensiveness, and constant criticism of everyone and everything around her, including me. It makes sense for me to not go back to her, but the alternative is for me to be alone for a long, long time. Possibly indefinitely.

Are you not entertained?

>tfw not a shut in, but I keep to myself a lot
>tfw not socially retarded, but I wouldn't miss any friends if I never saw them again
>tfw feel happy being alone, but I spend so much time alone it's unhealthy
>tfw I have a bunch of habits that are obviously coping habits from choosing to be so emotionally withdrawn from friends and family but I can't kick them and start building effective relationships

I'm nowhere near becoming a NEET, but my lifestyle is fucked regardless. It's a weird feeling, I live alone but I maintain a house and do all the practical coping shit like paying bills and shopping. I'm studying for a career and have peers, but now I'm on a study break and I've spoken to one friend in person this whole week. I'm not really depressed, just withdrawn I guess, but it's starting to fuck with me.

>dude leaves a pack of swishers behind
>1 cigar and barely enough weed to roll it up in
>waited a few hours
>still hasn't come back to claim it

So.. I guess I'll just roll it up and smoke it myself then.

It feels like no matter what we do babygirl we always wind up in this same place. When it feels right, you amd i both know there's another storm on the horizon.

Just lastnight you made me choose between my best friend, brother, fellow soldier i've known for over 15 years.

I chose him and that hurt you. Im sorry about that time i fucked that girl when we were broken up and left a scar on us since then that you just can't get over.

You talk about josiah like you wish you were with him because of his drive to only dedicate his life to being a missionary and delivering the word of god.

You've told me straight up we both have nothing in common yet you two do. Its okay though, thats just how you see it.

I like living a godly lifestyle and going to church as much as the next guy and i know that being a zealot and basically door to door pestering people like josiah is what you're looking for.
I know you and I aren't right for each other and every day we go like this we're only delaying the inevitable.

>>18219577
Just lastnight you asked me when im leaving for the funeral 4 hours away. When i told you, you said "okay good".
"Tomorrow im going to hang out with aaron".

I told you that you will not. You tild me you're not my property. I get it. These past 2 years have been great. I see where you want this relationship. You're a zealot, I am not. I will never be able to please your constant thirst for god. Thats fine babydoll. This ends, tonight.

>>18219456
Don't do it, all I can say my man.

>>18217409
Please see a professional psychiatrist. Because I guarantee it -- being around you, and trying to help you drains the life out of everyone who cares.

>>18218604
This sounds kinda like an alternate version of what I'm going through

I cant get you out of my dreams.its been weeks but every day i wake up to a nightmare of you betraying and rejecting me and it fucks my whole day up. I need to get out. I need to learn how to carry this clinical depression with me so i can get to work and finish school. I need you to get out of my head. Please.

>>18217556
>>18217560
we're not related to each other anon,
luckily, cause you almost made me feel bad about myself.
no, my girl is in a different situation. she started getting depressed really fast and fought against everything she loved, including me. so arguments came more and more, resluting in a break up.
but since i was the one who always would stay up for her, and was the one who loved her the most, i'm still not over it after 3 years. and since her friends keep telling me she is still in a bad situation, i still want her to contact me for some sort of help.

>>18217397
You are no monster. I still care for you. Talk to me.

-J

>>18217576
If you need to talk to them show initiative. Just do it!

Why the hell do people like me so much until the instant I start to like them a lot and then I fuck up and make them want to have nothing to do with me I hate this and wish I couldn't exist fuck I do nothing but murder my own happiness regularly

I can't take this I just wish we could be friends and I never decided to start to think of you otherwise and let my drunken self sabotage me

I'm probably going to live forever just to suffer these mistakes again and again out of God's curiosity on how long it'll take me to learn

Spent so much time trying get with this girl i was infatuated with. We spent most of the summer together just her and I, traveling and seeing cool shit. I got to suck on some tittes and eat some pussy though. Dropped her a few months ago, she found a new guy (they're not bf and gf) and shes now been trying to contact me lately. She called me last night for something "important" but it turned out to be some bullshit.

I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you all over. I also want to cum all over your ass and in your mouth

I just want to rant:

Fuck you for stringing me along, i just wanted your affection. I wanted your hugs and your love. You didn't have to lie, you didn't have to say you don't love your ex anymore while in fact you're back with him again. You just needed to tell me you wanted him and not me, instead you string me along with alot of lies. "Oh I'm confused, I'm really sad and i miss you, please don't go away"
Stupid fucking worthless brain of mine believed you and i gave you another chance because you still said you didn't want to be with him and yet you are here, with him without telling me.

FUCK YOU, SERIOUSLY
AND FUCK ME FOR BEING SO FUCKING STUPID

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>>18219894
I am with you, anon. The same situation.

kek, calm down dude they're just dirty dishes. you get so angry and curse everyone out for not having them washed yet you wash them yourself before anyone else has gotten around to it. I even offer to do the shit while youre complaining and you curse at me and tell me to fuck off while you angrily throw the silverware around. I don't get it.

>>18219899
I just told her to fuck off and cut every fucking tie i could. She triggered me so much that seemed like the old elementary school bullies, always making fun of me and stringing me along. Treating me like a fool.

I don't deserve to be treated like this after i gave her so much. This is fucking ridiculous I'm blind with rage

>>18219408
The one I know in particular has both a load-bearing set of hips and some great D-cups.

Problem lies in how unavailable and kinda dangerous she is.

I say dangerous for 2 reasons:
>tattooed
>constantly dyes hair
>moody as all fuck

>>18219906
Because it shouldn't take me losing my shit to get shit done around here.

>>18219957
That's fine but it's not like it wasn't going to get done. He's just angry it wasn't done by the time he wanted it done.

>>18219703
...There was no need for an initial, especially J.

>>18219711
Sadly it's been over a week since she even replied to a text. I don't think there's anything to hope for. I sent her something about 3 days ago, no reply.

As much as it pains me, I need to stop. I think she made up her mind.

>>18219975
J's are the plague of the letter thread.

There are things that still hurt, things I don't know how to feel about, things I feel more than one way about and things that I don't mind so much. I still wish I wasn't stuck in limbo.

>>18219703
It's not towards a J. It was for an I.

>>18219842
Only if i can cum in your ass and down your throat too

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>mfw I am depressed, lonely and ugly.

Why do I exist?
Just to suffer?

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>>18220058
This is my thing I am getting off my chest

>>18220064
Stop ruining j's, Jesus Christ.

>>18219711
Also, I won't lie, but I really want to text her, or call. But I know it would be too much, and likely too late.

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I fell in the gym today and I'm scared to go back there.....
I feel like Roger from American Dad in the ice skating episode. "EVERYONE'S LOOKING!" ....but no one cared nor did gym staff come to check up on me. How do I tackle my irrational fear of hardwood floors and gym mats now? Pls no bully.

>>18220137
don't worry anon I wouldn't have laughed at you in front of your face

>>18220087
I know your feels

It's worse when you have high standards and no one will ever actually want you

I think I understand.

You have someone, even though you haven't said a word.

You have too many people writing to you.

You also surround yourself with far too many people.

You may hate being hit on, perhaps, you may hate that I have a crush on you, perhaps.

But you sure as shit ain't stopping.

Us: I have something to say, I'll pretend it doesn't mean much to me.

teacher told me to meet her after class I'm scarred. I dunno why

>>18218633
I've been trying to do that for months now. I just cannot seem to find a way to trick myself into being ok looking fat.
I know I'll never find anyone to love me like this. Nobody I'll be able to love too at least. Losing the genetic lottery just sucks.
>>18219611
I don't keep anyone around me, so that's not really a concern. Nobody really cares about me, not enough to affect them at least. They have more important people in their lives, I'm just a person on the very edge of their field of vision if anything.

>>18218638
Idk what goals to have or what even to be grateful for.
I have a shitty job and am going into a meh career after college. I don't care about career success either though. Work is just what you do to survive. Nothing more or less.
I have no friends because I'm autistic as fuck and am an emotional basket case. But at the same time, I also put such little value in platonic friendships because I know they're fleeting and useless in the end. Everyone loses all their friends in favor of their spouse and family as they age. Once everyone gets married, they'll cease to hang out with me and exclusively hang out with their spouse.
I'll never have another boyfriend for the same reasons. Despite my really wanting love and affection, and again, I know this person will eventually be the only one I'll ever talk to on a daily basis once everyone else finds their mate. I will never have that though, and just always be left behind, alone.
I'm still in love with my ex from fucking high school, even though I was never anything to him he just used me for sexual favors.
And of course, I really have nothing going for me about my body. I look fat at every angle even if I'm clinically not. My face makes me look like a man. I've got dinner plate innie nipples which are no fun for anyone. And according to a couple nurses I know they may not even be functional should I ever have children to breast feed, since they never pop out at all. So they're both functionally useless and sexually useless.
I'm a whopping 2-1/2 inch roast beef outie, which has been a huge turn off to basically every man I've ever shown my beef to.
I'm covered in stretch marks and cellulite.

I really have nothing going for me, the weight was the ONLY thing I had even remote control over, but I'll never lose enough.

>>18220064
This is a long shot but does your name start with a P?

I want to kill myself because I feel that I have experienced life has to offer me, and I'll be 29 next month. I feel from this point on, it'll be a daily grind into mediocrity.

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>>18220193
It's painful isn't it.
>mfw I realized that the reason the girl, who I had befriended and developed a crush on, cut all contact with me was probably because she realized that I had feelings for her, and found me unattractive.

I guess that some of us were meant to die alone.

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>>18220193
Dude high standards just means your either A- a guy/gal who respects yourself and won't settle for the woodland hick herpe jerkoff. Or your a jack ass...

I can't stop feeling ashamed for everything. I think about how people judge me all the time. Rationally I know I'm wrong about what they think but I still feel shame. The constant negative thoughts are tearing me down. I'm seeing a psychologist but she's not helping with that. What can I do? Even when I don't do anything bad I feel horrible. I'm scared of disappointing people

fantasizing about dying calms me down, because then there would be silence and the noise and pain would stop, and while I don't want to die, I just find the other options I can see dwindling and dwindling.

>>18220257
No. Fuck. I wish the person this was for would reach out. I would kill to have this person see it, but I doubt i would even get a response.

I'm an L.

>>18220285
I find suicide oddly comforting too.
Like anytime I make a risky decision, and I start panicking about the consequences of that risky move going poorly, I always remind myself that I can always kill myself to get out of it.

Usually it's something stupid, like fake calling in sick because I just don't wanna work and then freaking out thinking I'm gonna get fired, I'll never get another job, I'll be homeless, etc. Because I let my mind wander too much to the worst possible situation.
But I'll just say "Well if I do come to a point where I'm jobless and unemployable, I'll just kill myself"
and it just brings me back to reality a little and I realize "Ok no, even if I do get busted for faking sick, the worst that's gonna happen is they'll write me up and scold me. They likely won't even fire me since I've never missed work before and always pick up shifts when other people are sick."

>>18220159
You're a good person, anon. I become do scared with things of this nature especially involving people. My autism comes into full effect and I just wish to hide lol

I wish I had a less autistic way of saying "I want to spend my life meeting animals and other creatures in the world."

Ok so i was pretty good friends with a girl about two years ago and i had a moderate crush on her, but we ended up just stopping talking for no real reason. She has been on the back of my mind ever since, but recently shes been in my dreams and whatnot more often and i can never really get her out of my head. So yesterday I decide to text her or of nowhere (something I've been wanting to do for a long time) and she seemed pretty happy to hear from me. I suggested that we should hang out sometime to catch up, and she agreed. We didn't plan anything though and I dont know how to start the conversation again. I waited a day hoping that I would have a better idea of what to do today, but I dont. I don't have a ton of experience with this kind of thing and don't want to sound desperate. Should I wait more before texting again? Should I have even waited this long? Im thinking of taking her and a mutual friend of ours to the new guardians of the galaxy movie, but it doesn't come out until May 5. I can't think clearly right now, and im just feeling kind of a rush. All I know is that I really want to see her again and catch up, and I want to do it right.

I fucking miss you so much. Every little thing reminds me of you

What did I do wrong, cute girl at work?

You seemed interested when we last talked, but today you wouldn't even look in my direction.

I notice you've also stopped wearing eyeshadow.

>>18220433
My friend, patience is the key here, you need to talk to her - on texts or Facebook or Snapchat or whatever, just casual conversation - "yo - how's it all going? - what have you been up to?" Or whatever, do this a couple of times - get an idea of how willing she is to talk, and if all goes well then say something like "hey - you want to meet up for a chat and a coffee or something?" And suggest meeting in Costa or something the next day - keep it casual - and try not to be too aggressive and pushy - and just roll from there - keep chatting, meet up and so on - and in time I'm sure you can do something :)

>>18220447
Work can be very stressful, they might just not have the energy to work and be social - don't be too harsh on yourself :)

Sometimes I'm not sure if my bf is gay or not. He is definitely at least bisexual, but I just wish he would admit it.

It´s been three years since I started with this little obsession with one guy of my school
It started normal , like the typical High School crush , then one year passed , and another , and other. Since some circunstances with myself I stopped going to class , then I stopped seeing him too , now I search porn with persons similar to him , some nights I cry thinking about him
Then I remember , one friend said to me that he hates homosexuals and he will kill every single of them if he could

it just hurts

>>18220410
"I'd love to see the world, and fine all the cool and snazzy creatures, all the weird but wonderful animals"

>>18220281
Explain this to your friends, get hugs, hugs are the ultimate reassurances :) - and keep a diary, note whenever you please someone, or someone smiles because they see you - keep rocking on and try and make your life wonderful :)

>>18220455
Thank you. Just the fact that you took the time to read my post already makes me feel better. This site will never cease to amaze me

>>18220468
The world is cruel, and people are cruel, but first off your friend probably exadurated (please excuse my spelling - dyslexia is a bitch) what he said - and next off - the world is a big place - get out, meet people - have fun! If you get stuck in the past you'll miss what's going by at the moment, try letting go, try making yourself look for different people, see what's out there, not what's left behind :)

>>18220487
No problem my friend :) - I know what it feels like but trust me things get better :)

I'm done being kind to people.
From now on, they're nothing more than playthings for me.

>>18220028
I myself am a J, which is why I'm so annoyed.
Our names have been tainted entirely by lovesick dipshits.

I wish I wasn't mentally ill. I hate people who romanticize it like it's some mysterious, chic thing. It's fucking awful. It took me so long to get to a point to where I didn't want to actively kill myself. I hope those annoying ass people who self diagnoese become mentally ill for real. Have them see how it actually feels like

>>18220536
This x1000

>>18220517
Some people are dicks, others are not, try to keep kind, it is such a valuable trait society doesn't recognise well enough, but it will reward you in the end

>>18220536
>>18220547
I know nothing of having a condition, but I would just like to offer my support - I have no advice I'm afraid... I just want you to know there are people out there who care about you - don't forget that!

>>18220549
>Said the dude on an anonymous Brazilian Basket-fishing forum to the dude being fed that bullshit for 18 years
Ye, na, fuck that noice. People aren't dicks, they're assholes, and sadly for them I'm into anal.

>>18220578
Okay well have fun

>>18220620
You too bud.

>>18220517
t. held the door and person didn't say thank you

>>18220535
Project much? When will these lovesick dipshits learn that J's don't deserve love?

On the one had, my awesome female friend would probably make for an awesome female vanilla girlfriend.

On the other having a submissive girl and dominating her would feel so fucking good.

How the fuck do I live out multiple fantasies for life while not being a total degenerate and a dick?!

>>18217383
I like helping people here, or at least trying to. It's a really rewarding feeling when I manage to get through to someone. But I can't help but notice that it negatively impacts my relationship, like I'm emotionally burned out or something. Feels bad man

>>18220737
Mate I get you completely - and first off it's very kind of you to offer help, but if you feel that it's making your own life more miserable - your allowed to not do it :) - as for the whole "social energy" thing, idk rlly - I occasionally have that problem too - I find sleep helps, so does doing a good bout of exercise

>>18220653
I guess at the same time when I, L, and D, O, N, V, A's don't deserve any better as well. Ass.

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Tommy, you're a retarded piece of shit and no one likes you. You've said nothing of value the entire time I've known you and all you do is get in the way of the rest of us doing actual work. Kill yourself you autistic fuck.

I want to be a pretty lady. I want to have a girlfriend and go shopping for clothes together.

The longer this goes on the more depressed I get thinking that it will never happen. That you just got my hopes up, making me believe that it could, only just so you could make me more miserable when it doesn't.

Why won't you let me be happy? Why do you continue to psychologically torture me and fuck with my mind? Why?

>>18220775
Yea, Tommy. What a fuckstick.

>>18220777
Them trips. You can dress up with me, for me. I'll parade you around. Can I cage your cock and peg you?

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>>18220782
>Can I cage your cock and peg you?

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>>18220789
I'll go slow

>>18217383
Leave me the fuck alone if you're not interested in me.
I told you quite clearly what I expected from us, you didn't want that so I pursue other girls. Why are you messing with my head and my life if you want nothing romantically.

>>18220447
It's....just one day buddy.
Maybe some shit went down yesterdayevening/ this morning.
Maybe she slept like shit
Maybe work is just stressing her out today
Maybe it's just /that/ kind of day.
Give it a day anon, doesn't sound like anything's up at all.

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>>18220801
No you won't, I've fallen for that line before.

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>>18220812
Of course I won't go slow. That ass is mine to tear up, slave.

Also, what the fuck is with you guys and anal? What the fuck is the obsession with wanting me to fuck someone in the ass?

I truly don't give a fuck about butt fucks. If you're TRYING to hook me up with a girl with a dick... fucking why? I don't find dicks attractive at all. I just don't.

Fucking just let me live my life already.

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>>18220818
So are we talking a couple day's locked in a cage or a couple months?

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>>18220832
You're caged until I say otherwise. Don't question me.

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>>18220845
Don't be like that, I want to ruin all your legwear.

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>>18220857
Omg~ you sound like so much fun. Only if I say you can ruin my high socks. You're not calling the shots here.

I'm pathetically introverted. I could pass for a Chad if I wanted, but I'm so socially retarded that I can't, and I hate myself for it.

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>>18220871
Oh pretty please? You can edge me till I'm insane and can ruin them in one go~

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>>18220894
Only if you've been good and after you've rubbed my sock covered feets. Also, you'll have to dress up. Thankfully I have a maids outfit you can use.

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>>18220912
What if I told you I'm not that first anon and don't like crossdressing, instead just being a tease toy/pet?

I want to crush all of your skulls until your eyes turn to jelly. Your collective sins and negligence should have choked you to death a long time ago, but the fact that you fucks are even still even around us an afront to common decency. You fucks absolutely disgust me. What absolute abhorrent garbage. Total trash.

Tell me what fast food place I should go to.

It's 9:26pm.

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>>18220918
I can dig it. But not as much.

>>18220925
Rallys

freeeeeeeeeeee meeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Seriously, what the fuck. You assholes not forget that I lived on my own for 10 years right? For 4 of those I took care of 2 other people.

What is wrong with you people thinking I can't take care of myself? Do you think I never cooked, cleaned, laundry. paid bills, rent, and worked a 9-6 job?

No, instead you judge me off of what the fuck is happening to me now in an extremely deep depression THAT YOU FUCKERS CAUSED.

Fucking give me the truth, give me what is owed to me. Free me and let me live what little bit of life I have left.

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>>18220927
I might do a normal meido outfit though.

>>18220935
Come on anon you're gonna get these threads shut down again

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>>18220936
Would you wear A?

>>18220857
You remind me of my friend who has a foot fetish.

MY ENTIRE LIFE IS A FUCKING LIE

I JUST WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH

SO HELP ME GOD.

WHAT ARE YOU SHIELDING ME FROM?

WHAT CAUSE MUST YOU PREVENT ME FROM SEEING?

WHY?

I HAVE TO KNOW. I'M SCREAMING TO KNOW.

YOU'RE KILLING ME WITH WHITE LIES!

>>18220941
oh no.
>>18220947
oh no

>>18220947
I couldnt even begin to guess what this is about.
But hey glad you got it off your chest.

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>>18220942
A or B would be fine.


[spoiler]I was having a pretty shitty day, thanks for playing along anon, it's cheering me up.[/spoiler]
[spoiler]I don't know if spoilers work on /adv/[/spoiler]

Didn't feel that this was worth making its own thread, so sorry if I'm barging in unwanted, but:

I'm feeling really suicidal right now, and have in the past too, so I know it's temporary. I want to call a suicide hotline for help, but I'm concerned that if I do it'll go down on my medical records or something and thereby bite me in the ass later.

I live in the US. Does anyone know if any kind of record is made if you call a suicide line?

>>18220959
You got your answer huh.
>>18220960
They shouldn't be.
On another note do you have steam? I'd be more than willing to listen to you when you're going through a tough time.

WEEELPPPP

My life is fucked up. Just gonna... sleep it off.

more than likely I will just lay in bed for 5 hours as a million thoughts go rushing through my fucking brain holes, all dealing with how fucked up this whole thing is.

Just what the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK. How is any of this possible? How? HOW? WHY? WHHYYYY?

What the fuck.

What. The. Fuck.

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>>18220959
Anytime, sweetheart.

>>18220960
Suicide hotlines are confidential. There are also chats where you can post as an anon. They wont log you on your medical records as being suicide becaise they wont know who you are. Youll feel better if you call one too and are able to talk to someone just to get things off of your chest. It gets better OP, it gets better

>>18220974
Got a discord or something? Just for more lewd chats, nothing serious.

>>18220953
Kinda jinxed it, didn't I :(

>>18220960
It's nearing 4 am and I can't keep my eyes open. I'll have my extension auto-refresh the page for if you might respond, I'll add you to steam tomorrow if I see the ID.

If we won't speak again; Anon I wish you all the best, people care more than you might think. You just made some Dutch sucker care for your case after just 3 lines of text, Imagine how much someone much closer to you cares.

my biggest regret in life is that i didnt kill myself when i had people in my life who actually cared.

I want you to know how much I care about you even though I don't show it. Even though you're like a little sister to me, you've taught me so much.Move on from that jerk, he doesn't deserve someone as awesome as you, and don't let him feel like you're worthless, you will never be to me.

>>18221056
you sound like a neckbeard

>>18221056
Thank you

>>18220960
you can call a hotline. but if you hint that you are gonna hurt yourself, they will send the cops. and going to a hospital will ruin your life

My wisdom teeth put me in horrible pain and I probably won't be able to have them out any time soon and I kind of want to die.

>>18221096
I never had mine out until they started destroying the teeth next to them - the dentist yanked those instead and the problem was solved.

If you're under 25, a wisdom tooth might even step in and act as a replacement for the removed one. I had my first one done at 28, five years later the wisdom tooth is maybe 1/3 raised up. The second one hasn't even appeared.

If you know you can't afford wisdom tooth surgery, just ask your dentist about doing this. You should probably do it at age 20, not 28 like me.

>>18221074
>they will send the cops. and going to a hospital will ruin your life
Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. I turned back at the last second after the line was connected. I hope that happens often enough that they don't think I'm an especial douchebag.

>>18220969
I don't have steam, but walking around and finding a secluded place to call the hotline (I have enough roommates that I didn't want to chance someone coming home or overhearing) helped me to clear my head. Thanks though.

>>18220732
You dont. Youre not handsome enough.

>>18220485
That's the thing, I don't think anyone would smile because of seeing me. I'm so scared of people not liking me that I push them away. I love helping people, but I feel like I annoy everyone.

I think it's worse now than usual, because I'm taking longer to graduate than I wanted, and I feel like a failure. I don't even know when I'll finish my thesis, because I'm considering starting it over...

I want a tattoos. I want my nipples pierced. I want to gage my ears. Is that edgy or what lol?

Have any of you guys ever attempted suicide?

>>18220732
Disgusting. Dominant men should be placed in restraints until they're broken and be taught to serve as submissive slaves. The ones who can't be broken should he used to fight, breed, and gassed. They're not good for anything else.

>>18221170
Lmao

>>18220653
P here, you're a cunt and a dumbass.
>project much?
Learn words before using them. Pretty sure you have a midterm coming up, kiddo.

I'm a big hairy strong guy and honestly? I just want to be a feminine looking guy. I hate my body hair and I hate how wide my shoulders and chest are. My tree trunk legs and big feet. I want smooth skin and a lithe form. Then I just want to find a girl who wants to dominate me. Loving Femdom not the creepy ball busting kind.

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>>18221210

Fuck you for turning the volume down during my set. It was literally 1/3 the loudness of everyone else's set. It sounded like it was being played out of a fucking bluetooth speaker. You only asked me to headline because I can actually bring a crowd to the show. I even told you to turn up the main volume a little louder before I went on because my music has more of an impact that way. I can't believed I've considered you a friend in the past. You're a dickhead.I don't even care if it's because you don't like my music. What kind of a friend would sabotage someone else's performance that way? That was the biggest crowd I've ever played to as well! Halfway through my set I even went over to the mixer and you had turned it back down again! After the set I asked you if there any feedback problems and you kept saying the volume was fine and there was no feedback. I asked other people and they all said it was really quiet as well.

I hate to say it, but that was the most embarrassing night of my entire life. The people there actually seemed like they'd be receptive to the music I make as well. Also why would you put the power bar in the middle of the stage? I accidentally kicked the thing 3 times and shut off my synth during performance. This whole thing especially hurts because a number of people at the show told me beforehand they had heard my music online and really liked it. I don't know think I ever want to talk to you again after that. I don't know if you turning it down because you were insecure that I'd overshadow you or if you didn't want to hear me perform. I hope you know that I quit performing music because of you. I don't think I'll ever recover from that night.

How do I tell my parents I'm suicidal?

>>18221320
If they're supportive just bring it up to them by saying you'd like to see a psychologist and you'd like their help

>>18221320
You don't? Call the suicide prevention line if you're in crisis. If not, set up an appointment with a counselor or your physician for some sort of depression treatment! If you tell your parents that you're depressed I'm sure they'll get the picture. I was depressed for about 5 years and wanted to die everyday. My life was utter garbage and it seemed there was no way out, but after treatment and a few months of reflection something in me snapped. I am so glad I didn't do myself in. The world is so amazing and beautiful and it's right outside your door. You just need some help to see it again. I've never been happier in my life. I'm living the life I always imagined I would. If I had done the deed I would never have gotten here today.

You guys are fucking pussies for just cutting me off instead of talking to me about whatever the fuck made you want to leave me. I can't believe this is happening again. I mean for fucks sakes one of you was asking if I'd possibly move to Texas so we could hang out then a few days later you just block me on everything? And A, I knew you would leave after he did, it was just a matter of when. It's funny because when we were talking, I felt safe that you were going to say, only for you to literally cut me off while texting. You both said you regretted it the first time. Now that I've gotten that out, I honestly do kinda hope life does treat you guys good in the future. Goodbye.

This might have been the most beta thing I have ever done, but it was a strange way to say 'good bye'.

Hell, maybe it's even immature.
I know you left me because of it. Because I acted like a child and I got in the way of your dreams. I never wanted you to hate your life to give up on who you are. To give up the girl I fell in love with so many years ago.

So I just followed my gut. And I went over to your house. Your father answered the door. Which was fine. And I gave him an envelope with money in it. It's not to buy you back, it not even to apologize for my behavior recently.

You know I am rash, I am idiotic, and I act before thinking. This had a lot of thought in it. Rash nonetheless. I hope the money helps you pay off your debt, if even a bit. I hope it helps you to go back to school. Follow your dreams and don't hate your life. I would have given you more, but it's more than an ex should give.

Stupid move on my part, but I hope it helps you. Take care.

>>18221320
Let them find you with your wrists slit so you don't have to have that awkward convo

>>18221330
I wouldn't call them supportive. The general status quo in my family is to not talk about your problems and ignore everyone else's. Mom is a nurse and see daily suffering, so she believes if you are not puking your guts out, you don't have a reason to complain and is only attention seeking. I been suicidal before, told them and they brushed it off. Luckily my teacher could tell something was up and sent me to the school therapist that time.

>>18221368
You could either seek professional help yourself or just suffer until the worst happens. I hope you choose to seek help. If you're still seeing that school therapist, ask them if they have options outside of school and fill them in on what you're telling complete strangers on a Korean takeout menu forum.

I've lied for so long, I'm forgetting what actually happened. Truth of it is I'm nothing but a guy who wasted and will waste most of his life behind a computer screen. I'm still a virgin my whole sexual experience is just fingering two girls. Unless I'm pretending to be someone else I turn completely awkward when the topic of sex comes up. I don't have a job really because when I read the postings it seems like rocket scientist is needed to do even the most basic stuff like stocking shelves. I haven't finished school yet cause I haven't even thought about it. The only thing that gets me outside anymore is going to the gym in fear of getting humiliated for being a weak fuck when I compete with pst group as evident from yesterday.

Hope this is just a phase. I'd rather shoot myself than entertaining the thought of living the next 50 years like this.

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Missing out on my youth lads. I'd like to be around people with whom I feel comfortable around, people I can trust.

No one here wants to rob a liquor store with me, or trespass public property. I took a piss out in a big field a few nights ago and thought about how nice it'd be to bring a nice girl out in the middle of the field like that, and fuck her. Preferably while the sun's setting.

I wish I had some cigarettes.

>>18221170
>gage

I go back and forth between missing you and hating you. Still not in the place where I simply don't want to see you again.

I think about you constantly and I hate it.

I don't understand how you can do this. Just block me everywhere with no explanation.

That wasn't fair. And you know it.

Good luck moving on, asshole. You'll never have trouble finding people to suck your dick, but you'll be alone for the rest of your life. No one of any quality will stick around for your lying and cheating, your gaslighting and inability to talk about anything that isn't you. And you'll deserve it.

I fucking hate you. I can't stand that you did this.

The only thing that makes it better is knowing that someday, you'll just be a distant memory. Another person I can't believe I ever thought I loved.

In the meantime: Fuck you.

I think I finally met a MPDG. It only took 30 years, but one finally came into my life. They do exist.

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>>18221526
This anon spoke what's been going on in my head got a while. Hopefully whoever you directed this to doesn't come on here. That always worries me when I post. It's cool you have no shame not that this post is anything to be ashamed about anway.

>>1822120
>>18221201
P here defending a J exactly like a birch faggot who wants a dick up his ass.

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I feel ugly and undesirable all the time
I am ugly, but I have a boyfriend who says he desires me (and is willing to have sex with me every other day or so, for free) so I don't know why I feel undesirable

I've just never had a guy show sexual interest in me before I showed sexual interest in him

And obviously I'm not interested in pretending to be a cute girl on Craigslist or some shit to get attention from anyone who isn't my boyfriend. I'm really dedicated to him and I wish he would be more vocal about his sexual interest in me if there is any.

I want to reconcile with you.

I want to love you. I really do.

But I felt used and taken for granted. Maybe that's different now that that emotionally abusive gaslighting psychopath is out of your life, but maybe not.

I hope one day you'll understand the full scope of what happened. You'll understand I must have cared about you immensely.

I wonder what truth there is to the phrase "If you love something, let it go".

I wish I'd been a little bit more patient but you really pushed me to a breaking point.

I really, really miss /v/ the Musical, bros. I just don't have anything else going on in my life to be proud of. But with you guys... I just wish I could bundle you up into one big, gay ball and hug you all and let you know how much y'all mean to me. I only wish I could give back an ounce of what y'all give me every September.

And my fear is that I can't survive that wait. My life is falling further and further to pieces. I don't know how I'll survive that long. I'm dead. Dead, and I'll miss this year's Musical. Fuck.

>>18221593
You need to be more open with him. I know it's scary but have a sit down and talk. Tell him about your insecurities. If he's a good man if he loves you he won't judge you harshly he won't be upset. If anything he may be upset at himself for feeling like he is at fault.

Tell him you feel like you are unattractive and feel like you aren't desired enough by him. Tell him you want to talk more openly about what turns him on and what turns you on. One thing Iv learned is. Never let shit go unsaid. It hurts both parties eventually. Don't run away and hide and think and stew and brew. Just sit down take a deep breath and say "there's some things I want to talk about" lay out the issues be logical and understanding and calm and the other person will be the same. Communication is key especially more then anything. When your first instinct is to bottle it up. Because that festers and withers and infects. Even if it's painful or might hurt feelings approach with honesty and calm demeanor. Speak openly and affirm that you love them but that the issues must be addressed.

You were the first thing in a long time that was a good and you were into me and I am fucking idiot and ruined it of course. If I could go back in time 3 days ago I would have done it all right this time and we would probably be together right now but I am too fucking stupid fuck fuck fuck I hate myself right now I really fucking do

I have no idea what it is about you, but you are comforting. I give your shit temperament too much of a pass though. I'm not sure if I should feel bad for you for being so alone, or if you're alone because you're emotionally independent. Or are you alone because you know that your family is surrounded by some of the worst fucking people imaginable? Are you even aware of that? Would I be filling some kind of void for you?
God damnit you'd be an amazing person to have around if you had any discernible social competence.

I was so interested in you until you came in smelling like weed.

Nervous as fuck. I started a job a month ago, learned quick and now they are going to train me on the forklift. I'm worried I'll fuck it up, I didn't really want to do it, but I was pressured by literally every supervisor. Fuck I just wanted a comfy warehouse job and now I'm screwed and freaking out.

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I've been in a bit of a floaty place lately, kinda in between suicidal depression, murderous anger, and a general lack of emotion entirely.

I've made a few decisions that turned out to be bad ones, had sex with two people and the results seem to have ruined the best freindship I've had in my life and destroyed the plans i've made for myself the last seven years.

I can understand that doing that with those two people ended up angering/hurting some others but i don't understand how it got so blown out of proportion, they were mistakes yes but with how everything is these days they are minor mistakes at best. Now most people involved believe me to be some rapist (i can assure you I'm not, I'd not be here right now if i was, my conscious wouldn't allow me to be) and have just generally turned their back on me. They flipped face on me almost instantaneously and i don't understand how. I don't know if i should leave them alone or try to make up with them. A small part of me wants to kill them for some reason i don't understand, those are only ever quick thoughts that get throw out very quickly.

I can't say I'm upset all the time, i think I'm just lost. I've no idea what to do with myself because, as i said, all my plans revolved around these people.

I doubt any of them are here but on the off chance you are, all i can think to do is say that i apologize. I never thought things would turn out like this.

A song who's tune kinda matches how i feel right now, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMhSWEu6r6c

>>18221737
Don't freak out and take it slow my man, forklifts are easy. Don't ever let anyone rush you, if they do its their fault as much as it is yours. forklifts are ez pz

>>18221754

Yah in the end I know that. Just anxiety is getting the best of me. Still stuck in my head tho. Old habits of mine feeling like I'm a failure and I can't do anything right is just overwhelming me. Once I start to learn I hope I can pick it up and get good training. But every day they keep saying oh you'll start tomorrow. And the anxiety builds

>>18218496
I guess it's your fault anon. You should have done better.

seriously fuck the world we live in.

>>18221754
>>18221761

Plus I actually really like this job. Chill people, I'm actually good at it and supervisors fight over me to work their areas. I'm nervous I'll fuck it all up.

God damn golddigging slut! I hope your next psychosis will be the end of you and you'll know the true meaning of loneliness. Fuck you bitch!

>>18221768

Haha I know this feel. Last two girls I got close to ended up using me for money and rides. Fuck them all, they are whores.

>>18221768
>>18221776
I spy a betas

>>18221806
Could be. But there are really women like that. I don't think there's as many as people portray but I know my sister and a few of her friends are ones. They even brag about it. It's really disgusting.

>>18221806
Say that again when you are dealing with a bipolar whore.

>>18219703
Jamie?

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>>18221526
Is this to a female C? Honestly, I told you why I blocked you. You started ignoring me for no reason, for a full 2 weeks I was all by myself and when I tried to talk to you it was nothing. Why would someone hang around and wait for someone who doesn't even try a little?

I'm not the asshole here.

I can't remember the last time I brushed my teeth.

I struggle with conversation in texts and stuff... Never found it a problem face to face, but I can't get out and see people that often, so I have to resort to Snapchat and whatnot, but it just makes me feel like I'm a really boring person, because I never have any conversations of substance - just stuff like "how's your day going today?" 'n' shite :/

>>18221862
Do it now!

I think the reason people can't make peace with the fact that they're gonna die is because they try to live every day like is the last day of their lives and that's fucking stupid. You should be aware that you are gonna die but you should also know that there is a high chance that you will live 80 years or more.

>But anon, you gotta live your life to the fullest and shit.

Shut the fuck up, you don't get to tell me how to live my life, if I want to get high, play WoW for 8 hours and then randomly browse the internet for 8 hours then that's what I'm gonna fucking do because I have 360 other days just this year.

>>18221866
I feel you bro, I hate indirect conversation too, unless is some extremely important shit that cannot wait I'd rather talk face to face and mostly use text and whatnot to schedule for a meeting.

I haven't seen my closest friends in two years and while I do try to keep up with important stuff in their lives I'm just waiting until we meet again to tell them all my stories and for them to tell me theirs.

Also I don't think you're boring, quite the oposite, people who abuse texting usually have nothing good to say irl.

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Fucking damnit everything about your appearance is perfect to me. Where can I find someone that looks just like you, but isn't my polar goddamn opposite?

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>>18221856

Someone please talk to me. Please.

I'm tired. I just want something nice said to me. Just one. Even if it's fake or forced. I can't take it anymore. I just want someone to remind me it'll be all right.

>>18221895
tell momma what's going on

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>>18221890
Yuno is literally me

>>18221897
yea, okay.

>>18221886
Thanks mate :)

>>18221896
I just want nice things said to me. Please. Anything.

>>18221906
Okay. I like your shirt.

>>18221906
Everything will be alright anon, just gotta pick yourself up for the hole your in and find a better place for yourself. Weather that place is mental or physical is up to you.

>>18221895
How can I say something nice about someone I don't know?

And I'm sorry but is irresponsable to tell you that it'll be allright, because it probably won't, but that's life, just keep on going and wait for the good times.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugJfjmxOR2I

>>18221917
You're right. No one has to say anything nice or kind about another person if they're literally just nothing to them. This is how the world works, right?

>>18221928
I didn't say you were nothing to me, I said I can't say anything about you because I do not fucking know you.

I wish all my fellow humans were happy but that's not gonna happen.

Ok here's one good thing I can say: You will probably live many more years so you actually have more than enough time to get your shit together and make whatever is bothering you right now look like some small meaningless problem but you know what? It won't be free and you will have to learn to eat pain and sadness so you can shit pleassure and happiness, however I have more good news to you, that guy who told you you shoul've started yesterday is wrong, if you feel sad then feel sad and learn to deal with it and if you need to drink and cry yourself to sleep then for fuck's sake drink and cry yourself to sleep so you can get ready because life is waiting for you to stop being a pussy.

>>18221938
>I didn't say you were nothing to me, I said I can't say anything about you because I do not fucking know you.

Same thing.

And it's not a situational problem. I can very well learn how to move on with break ups, traumatic events, etc.. It's more of a mental problem, a tumor in my mind that I can't seem to ever get out of.

My closest friends, online, irl, all the people I've helped, all the people I've been kind to, they've said nice things, but they were trying to heal the wrong areas. If someone knew what I'm so tormented of by and acknowledged it I would probably cry.

>>18221856
Shit no, it's not to a female.

You'd think
> You'll never have trouble finding people to suck your dick
would have been a clue to that.

But glad you're convinced you're not the asshole. Maybe you're even not.

I feel like I'm merely being judged for the shell I'm wearing. I was used and abused, recorded against my will and now I'm in a relationship with someone for 3 years who is actively possessive of and victim blames me. He knows my past is something that has a serious traumatic effect on me and whenever he mentions it, he makes it about himself. He compares himself to people that hurt me and says I acted more passionate/respectful with them. In reality I was constantly on anti-depressants and wanted to end my life. What hurts me so much is that he never knows the pain I experienced and I slowly feel like garbage. He mentioned this all through our relationship and never stops, it's still a topic, even after what he did to me. He had hit me, spit on me, called me various names, made me pregnant, he lied about vasectomy and all I can do is take the blame that I wasn't more careful. My mother and him basically bullied me into having the child or else I'd be all alone. I trusted him.

I have no idea why I deserve this. I'm starting to think I should just die already, even if I left him and everything behind, I'd still have these scars from my past and I'd never find the love and acceptance again because I'm convinced I wasted all my time and energy to worsen my life.

Should I just give the kid up for adoption and kill myself? I don't know if I can wait that long but I don't want to damage another being because of me. I just can't stop crying and hate how my life turned out because I trusted the wrong people. I can't blame anyone but myself and I have no idea how to recover.

I have so much affection to give but I am myself a pretty unwantable person it seems, so at this point I just want to have a lots of drugs, lots of sex and end myself. I have no point to live, my existance destroyed a family relationship, I should have never been conceived. I have a dead end job that I despise and at the end of the day everyone hates me there, both people I work for and people who work for me. I'm slowly killing myself with cigarettes. I don't believe in love anymore. I have this oneitis I should just give up on and abuse confused/drunk girls just to satisfy my sex drive instead. I barely have any friends and that's because only thing linking me to other people is either proximity or drug use. I'm a computer science dropout, not because I wanted to make money, but because I'm just too lazy to learn new things in my early 20's and I felt like spending time with what I thought was the only decent person in the world. Two years of my life down the drain and I don't even have anything to show for myself except advanced substance addiction and crippling indifference to everything what actually matters.

>>18221766
you said it yourself anon, you're good at it. keep that in mind.

I love you Jorge. I don't know if you're gay or not, but you're a great man and I have lots of respect for you. I'll miss you a lot when work ends.

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I can't feel love anymore and I only look out for myself now. When someone asks something of me I go out of my way to avoid dealing with the situation entirely. I've become tired of having my kindess and generosity taken advantage of. I don't want to love again. I just want to be alone and care for myself. I'm not even entertained by the thought of friendships. This is what works for me and all I've heard from this board is I'm unhealthy and should seek help. After many therapeutic attempts I found what works for me and what keeps my heart safe. Maybe this is the antipsychotocs talking but I truly believe in this.

>>18217536
i love the song glad i heard it. Without who anon?

Why don't you ever say your feelings about me, S? Stop fucking running away and tell me how you feel about me? I don't care if it hurts me! Just fucking tell me, I need closure!

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FUCK. ALL. OF. EVERYTHING.

I get it universe, you hate me. well I didn't choose to live in you and I fucking hate you too so go fuck off.
>spend three months rebuilding my car, transmission out, engine unbolted, steering box unhooked, fucking massive undertaking
>THE FUCKING DIFFERENTIAL HAS ISSUES NOW WHEN IT DIDN'T BEFORE.

>start business
>fucking murphy's law to the max
>meanwhile people operating illegally and not paying taxes doing well, killing my business as I try to operate by the book and have more overhead.

fuck everyone's shit, fuck the world, fuck all this shit.

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This is where this morning's "Game" hint went.

So...

Seriously, where does that put me? Am I more female than male? What would I be in the eyes of the law?