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Anonymous
Need an external perspective 2017-04-12 03:38:56 Post No. 18216171
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Need an external perspective 2017-04-12 03:38:56 Post No. 18216171
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Hello /adv/, I am looking for an external perspective on a certain situation of mine. It involves a girl who I have feelings for, but it is a bit more complex than that. I will detail the story below along with the dilemma I am facing and will try my best to make it as brief as possible.
Around September of 2015 I met a girl through a mutual friend of ours and we very much hit it off. We hung out out of school maybe three or four times (always with a big group though) and soon enough I began to holster feelings for her. Around mid-November, she confessed her feelings for me. I told her I didn't requite. At the time I genuinely believed that this was the reason I didn't want to take the next step, but in hindsight I know it was because I just wasn't ready for the responsibility of another relationship (I had just got out of a long-term one several months before this). But we continued being friends. We would talk back and forth now and again but nothing like before, I could tell she still liked me and deep down I felt the same. Fast forward a year later and we rarely talk anymore. At the beginning of the 2016 school year she would Snapchat me often and what not but soon that changed. I have made attempts to start conversation but she sparesly responds, which disheartened me enough to where I figured conversing with her was futile and so I stopped trying.
However, before spring break last Friday she came and sat with me during lunch, and seemed like she really wanted to talk with me and so we had a brief conversation about an upcoming test. Seeing this as a possible invitation for furthering conversation I messaged her when I got home but once again she did not reply. So all in all it is a very strange dynamic.
Questions I have are: What do you make of the situation? Why is she seemingly so interested but not willing to talk further? Is it possible that she still harbours feelings for me but is afraid to show it, or is she really just done?
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Also, should I bother texting her anymore?
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>>18216174
She probably considers you an acquaintance but not a friend.
If she sees you, she may enjoy the convo but that doesn't mean she's gonna go out of her way. It happens. Friends grow apart.
You've probably missed your shot and she no longer feels the same way.
Orrrrrr you could ask her instead of relying on maybes and probably's from strangers on the internet.
But if you want to start a relationship of any kind with her you better be real sure about what you want. Are you upset because she's not your friend anymore or are you upset because you'll never get to date her or are you just upset because it felt nice to have someone interested in you? It matters and you should get your feelings sorted before even thinking about how she might feel.
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>>18216171
>requite
Nice ten dollar word.
Anyway, I like the naivete of the young and ignorant.
There is a high degree of probability that this girl still harbors feelings for you, and she feels slighted by your apparent rebuff of her courtship. She's gone into this classic. female, evolutionary psychology state of mind, where she is 'playing hard to get.' She honestly, probably still wants your love and affection, but now she's re-trying her strategy. Males get emboldened by a good 'hunt' or challenge and, even though she's probably not doing it by design, but she wants you to start courting her now.
tl;dr she wants your d. And you have two responsible choices: if you love her, then start courting her, and tell her what you told us, 'I wasn't ready then', ask for forgiveness, and see if that will be enough. Two, if you don't have feelings for this chick, then you need to verbally tell her as much so that she can move on.
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>>18216213
At the moment, I want to establish some semblance of a friendship again. It just feels strange because of our history and the uncertainty of it all, so starting a friendship would be a solid foundation to build anything else off of. Also, I wish it was as easy as just asking her, but you have to understand doing such a thing out of the blue (without first establishing an anchor point as a friendship would provide) would be not only embarrassing but probably also hurt my chances.
>>18216238
I didn't know the word requite was verbose, Mr. Courtship. But honestly I have had similar thoughts about the whole playing hard to get thing. However, assuming that could be a slippery slope so I don't want to entertain the possibility too much.
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>>18216280
>At the moment, I want to establish some semblance of a friendship again. It just feels strange because of our history and the uncertainty of it all, so starting a friendship would be a solid foundation to build anything else off of. Also, I wish it was as easy as just asking her, but you have to understand doing such a thing out of the blue (without first establishing an anchor point as a friendship would provide) would be not only embarrassing but probably also hurt my chances.
Your overthinking is how you got into this situation in the first place. What do you want? Do you want a relationship or not? Stop being a dummy and waiting for the stars to align unless you want to be alone forever.
Right now your chances are nil because she won't talk to you.
Just text her or talk to her next time you see her, like a normal person: "I really enjoyed talking to you. I missed our friendship. Wanna hang out again (on ___ day)?". Or: "Hey, whatever happened with us? We used to be so close." Or:"Hey I had fun today. Do you wanna finish our conversation from earlier? There's an awesome coffee place with live music we can go to at 7 (or after class, or this weekend, etc.)."
Bottom line just say what you feel and you get to live in the real world instead of in your head.
You'll find talking to people a lot easier and a lot less anxiety-making if you just speak honestly and say what you mean.
People aren't better at socializing than you because they know what to say, they're better at socializing because they say what they mean.
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>>18216317
Thank you for your advice
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