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I just found out that my boyfriend spend procrastinating the last two weeks a really important thing for his future. He told me to not talk too much to him, because he needs the time and needs to concentrate. I myself was in a really rough place, because depression started hitting again. But because of respect I tried to keep it as low as possible and be a supportive girlfriend.
So, now I found out that he didn't get shit done, because he spend his time differently. He went to some rape fetish forums and was on such subreddits trying to hook up girls on there for "us". Always stating it would be for a threesome. Now, we are rather kinky, but he knows that rape stuff is something that really grinds my gears. Also other things like bestiality and even sexting with some asian girl that was into raceplay, calling her a gook-whore and shit like this on kik.
Now, even though he texted those girls that there is intention of meeting IRL, he told me that wasn't actually the case. And that he doesn't count it as cheating because he involved me. And no, I didn't know about any of this.
And so much stuff, that I found outright disgusting. I can't deal with any of this. He even send a nude pic he took of me to them, cropping out my face. And a full nude of him.
Is this now cheating? Because he always stated that I would be there, too.
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>>18212812
kinda, yeah. you act as if there has to be some legal definition in order to act upon your feelings, but there's not.
there was a betrayal of trust here, and whether he absolutely knew it or not isn't super relevant, because at the very least you are allowed to say 'i do not want to be with someone who's natural instinct is to do this'. and thats okay. it doesn't make you or him any naturally evil people, it just means that you aren't a match.
relationships are not legal documents, you do not need to have some pre-defined legalese reason to break up with someone or be upset with them. as long as you aren't rude or agressive in how you intend to approach this, do what you want, break up or talk to him. you dont have to say 'WELL IT WASN'T TECHNICALLY CHEATING SO IM STUCK HERE DOING NOTHING'
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>>18212812
not cheating, not to be a dick but you two clearly have no future together.
he, likes sexual fantasies that you don't. He's not going to change, you're not going to change.
he, likes time to himself, you're co-dependent on him for your mental health issues.
he, wants a threesome, you don't appear to.
he, enjoys polygamous pursuits, you want monogamous pursuits.
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>>18212812
>Is this now cheating?
Who gives a shit what the label is you daft bint. If you don't like it, and feel like it's a violation of your trust, THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
Are you really going to stay in a relationship with a guy that does things you don't agree with because of a technicality?
Anyone that would be that stupid deserves nothing but bad shit to happen to them.
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Followup: I found out by snooping because I had a weird feel and he was all distant.
When confronted he just told me he actually really loves me etc. and that he was just so under pressure because of the thing he was procrastinating and wanted to escape. Because at least getting replies from crazy and self-hating chicks is at least something that he could do, or something.
Thanks for the replies. I'm pretty torn, because I didn't know this side of him at all. And now he's all lovely and normal, too. So that I can kind of act like this was just a small mistake.
I don't know, how do you know when to stop clinging on a relationship and when it is just that you don't want to be lonely?
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>>18212858
>I don't know, how do you know when to stop clinging on a relationship and when it is just that you don't want to be lonely?
When you find yourself needing validation from an online sudoku gathering image board because everyone else in their right mind would tell you to leave this relationship already
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I wouldn't call it cheating but he is into some really weird sexual stuff and I that kind of sin is never sated and always hungers for more. It's a red flag at best.
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He's just trying to find loopholes - "TECHNICALLY this is a couple's thing, because I decided that it is, even though I did not include you whatsoever and you don't even like this sexual angle".
He lied to you, sought out girls for sexual contact (even if it didn't extend beyond fantasies yet), and rather than taking responsibility and being really fucking sorry he's trying to get off on technicalities.
Leave this piece of shit.
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How did you find out? Did he tell you?
I'd consider it cheating.
Talking about your gf while sexting doesn't count as her being "part of it". I don't think I'd ever be able to trust someone in a relationship again if that was how they saw things.
He was manipulating them by lying to them about the potential to meet up. He's manipulating you by saying you were somehow included while he secretly did this behind your back. If that's even the case. Perhaps he meant to meet up with them by himself and say "sorry, gf was sick/can't make it but still wanted me to fuck you :^)"
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>>18212812
>is this cheating
>him bullshitting me about important shit
No, not cheating, just lying
>going on fetish forums
No, still not cheating
>sexting other women
Yes. This is cheating
>but he did gold medal mental gymnastics to justify it
Nope, still cheating.
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Sending nudes of you out to other people on the internet without your permission would be cause enough for me to break up with someone
Never mind the sexting and sending nudes of himself to other women which IS cheating
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>>18212812
Bf is admitted degenerate who tries to hook up with other girls.
Is he cheating. Yes
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