Desire for Validation

>>18211062
Please help me, might not sound like it but I'm understating the problem. Last week she invited me to study and I ended up hurting myself on the way home when she ignored me and stopped studying to talk to another guy. I feel like such an unwanted, hideous person and it's eating me up.

>>18211062
Get a fat girlfriend

>>18211115
You hurt yourself?

I know that feel, I'm the same way. But I'm a woman so thats to be expected. My solution was to cam whore, but I don't think it works the other way around.

Don't ask first and foremost. It will look needy and you don't want to go down that road.
I don't know if you had a gf or anything before, usually guys that haven't had many or any at all think the way you are thinking.

Okay here is what you do. First, lower your expectations a lot. I don't like rating people's appearance. But go for like 5's and 6's to start. If you can talk to them easily and they are pretty forthcoming flirtation wise, then I would say you are at least average/fuckable. Then you work your way up from there till you level out or you bag a hottie.

Don't pester this girl, be friendly etc but move on. Watch porn w/e but dont bug her. You will look way stronger if you handle yourself.

gl

>>18211062
Try working out, gain some muscle and fill out.

Or if you don't want to do that, then find a girl who is into guys like you. They're out there, I even saw a thread about it here. Some girls are infatuated with skinny dudes.

Either way, the important thing is to be happy with your body. Accept it or make a change, it's up to you

>>18211154
Can confirm, I am one of those girls. The only amount of muscle that is tolerable is ottermode. But that's just toleration. Skinny is all I really want.

But I am also no catch and likely never will be so op would probably be settling.

>>18211122
Yes, I was upset at myself and decided to
>take 2+ hour long walk home instead of the bus
>while wearing 25+ pound backpack
>blast my ears with the loudest music I had on the way
>run hand along chain link fence (only have scrape on middle finger thankfully)
>yell at and berate myself when I got home
>punch myself in the legs repeatedly
>take an hour long cold shower
Was so close to cutting myself and breaking things and I'm glad I didn't. There's more to what drove my over the edge concerning her and I wasn't exactly in the best of minds before any of this either.

>>18211147
Yeah I was "home schooled" from 6th grade until college, I never had a chance to talk to any girls let alone date.

I don't really know how to be flirtatious or anything to gauge this and this desire is so huge I might find myself in a relationship with someone purely so they can validate me. I don't want to hurt anyone like this.

and thanks for the other advice, it somehow calmed me down about her. I won't burden her any.

>>18211154
I've planned on it but I don't actually know if it will help any, if my face is repulsive then I'm just putting lipstick on a pig aren't I?

>>18211196

Okay, so you're at college now? I'm guessing there are a few girls in the class? How did you meet the girl you talked about?

At my college, they had events where you go and meet new people hang out, drink and whatever. Try going to a few of these if you have anything similar where you are at.

Are you in halls or dorms?

Im trying to get a better picture so I can try to help :)

>>18211200
I believe it will certainly help. If you are currently uncomfortable with your body, then it can help you become more confident.

Confidence is more important than looks anyway, and if you work hard you could have both

>>18211216
>Okay, so you're at college now?
Yes.
>I'm guessing there are a few girls in the class?
Not many, a lot dropped, 3 of maybe 8-10 others are friends of hers and I think a couple have boyfriends.
>How did you meet the girl you talked about?
We were in the same lab group last semester, unlike my male friend who signed up with me for this class me and her both got into this one together by mistake/luck.
>At my college, they had events where you go and meet new people hang out, drink and whatever.
There were a few like that at the start but it's the end of the semester almost so I think it's too late for that now. I am taking Summer classes so maybe it's a possibility but these thoughts are aching at me.
>Are you in halls or dorms?
It's a relatively decent community/transfer college so no dorms or anything, there's places where people loiter like the library, hallways, sitting spots and such though.

>>18211234
I worry that I have an ugly face and an ugly head, I don't know if I do but if I did I don't believe I'd feel much more confident.

I know there are other benefits to exercise so I'm not knocking it but it may not fix the way I feel.

>>18211259
Alright man, I feel for you. You're definitely hitting a rough patch and I understand it will take more than just time in a gym to remediate this.

You're right that it won't fix how you feel. But it may make this feeling less important as you focus and improve in other areas.

It's your life, and your body. In the end you will figure out what is best for you.

>>18211062
Work out and dress better you fucking pussy

>>18211259
Post pics we will validate

>>18211161
Sounds like you have borderline personality disorder. Get a therapist and a gym membership.

Do reg parks beginner routine

>>18211292
>You're right that it won't fix how you feel. But it may make this feeling less important as you focus and improve in other areas.
Maybe having more in my mind is the answer, I'll try this bodyweight routine I've neglected for probably too long. Thanks for being understanding.

>>18211329
You're welcome
I hope you find what you're looking for, whatever it turns out to be

>>18211304
How do you know what looks good to wear? "Men's fashion" google searches usually lead to flamboyant runway stuff.

>>18211309
Normally I wouldn't mind but I've said enough here to have myself committed or avoided by anyone who's seen me before I think.

>>18211252

Ty for answering. I was in a similar situation as you so here is what I did.

At the end of the first year/at the start of summer I got a job at a petrol/gas station and I got used to dealing/talking to strangers. This helped me with opening lines etc. Usually all it takes is a "hello" and you're rolling.

Second year of college I went to the social events, met a bunch of people and made friends within the class. I went out for drinks etc with these people and I met girls that way. Usually at house parties or at bars. The only advice I can really give if you're nervous about talking to women is to eliminate any notions of how you start interacting with them. Imagine you meet a new guy, you crack a few jokes maybe, find something that interests you both and your friendship builds. Just remove any preconceived pressure about talking to girls and treat them the same as guys. Also, you aren't in a race. I'm assuming you're a virgin. Don't be in a rush to lose it so fast, and know that there is no pressure on you to do it. You are on your own time so relax.

About the whole validation thing, it's better not to ask. Most girls are either very blunt or don't know how to handle the question. Either way it's a 50/50 she'll say you're attractive and even then she might not mean it. So don't worry about it. Focus on meeting new people and trying to make friends, or find a hobby or a job. Build your confidence in other ways.

I'm lurking if you have any more questions :)

gl buddy

>>18211313
>Sounds like you have borderline personality disorder
Hm, looking at the symptoms, it does seem to fit how I got and how I can get a lot of the time.

I need to get a lot of things in order to get a therapist but I will try start a routine at home.

>>18211352
I appreciate you sharing your experiences, the perspective you've brought has kinda gotten me out of my own head. I like the advice on how to be less nervous around women, it does make the whole thing seem less stressful.

but right now, I still want that validation (even if to a lesser extent now), I want to feel like I have worth in this way, that I'm not ugly, that I'm not the freak I keep thinking I am. It's going to be very hard to turn that off for good, and especially hard to turn it off right now. I won't use my classmate for this however. Looking on it now, things could had probably gone poorly if you hadn't convinced me not to do that so thank you.

Yeah working out is probably the way to go, OP

>>18211337
Look at a celebrity who looks like you.

Dress like him. He pays a stylist to dress him.

And basic mens casual and business casual is simple and easy as fuck.

>>18211853
I'm a fucked up halfbreed so no celebrities I know of look like me.

>>18211313
This guy knows exactly whats up

>>18212309
Can you fix borderline personality disorder without therapy?

>>18211062
>brought two different manmuscle Chad types over
Forget the whore. If she does that in response to a guy asking her out she's scum. Either she can get those guys to commit or can't. If she can't, she's a delusional slut who will never make a good gf because she feels she deserves more than she is. If she can, she's telling you she's out of your league. It's probably the former. Forget her.

>>18212451
The rejection was 3 weeks prior to this, but I tried to be her friend since then. Thinking it over while trying to sleep I don't think we're friends and I don't think she's capable of having real friends. Before this, in class, she asked where my male friend was, I said I didn't know and would text him after, she shrugged, like she didn't care, like he didn't matter. I didn't think much of it then so I decided to study with her since I saw her doing math at the library. That's where she started making me feel even more inadequate than I did. Even sleep hasn't fixed these feelings.

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You're not called attractive because you aren't. You are emotionally and physically frail.

Fix this and consider caring about shit that actually matters.

>>18212501
Okay. I accept this. Leaving the thread.