Immigration and Infidelity

You fucked up OP. Meanwhile I was thinking this is gonna be one of those white x muslim love stories that always go bad. I think your situation is much better. Dont tell her and cover your tracks.

>>18208819
I don't plan to. But seeming as how this other chick went to the same university, I'm worried it'll get down the grapevine. Everyone knows I'm in an LDR with this girl, and that I'm moving down there. It's a pretty small school, just hoping there's no common connections

>>18208783
humans are impulsive and emotional. sometimes we do things without thinking of the consequences in the long term, just to fulfil our emotional needs in that moment.

you need grow yourself into a more selfless person so you wont cheat again.

Leave. Admit to everything, man up and leave. If you start fucking around when it gets tougher in a relationship you do not love her.

And before anons skin me here: I say the same every time a woman makes a thread about how she cheated. Everyone is there to call her a whore and to leave, but when a "fellow bro" cheats everyone just tells him to cover his tracks. Let's not be hipocrites, anons. Cheating should always end the relationship, simply to reduce any further damage.

You aren't going to feel less guilty if you hide it. That's what a you are doing now.
Tell her, you idiot.

>>18208908
You are sort of right but women are sluts.

OP here. I know the "right" thing to do is to admit what I've done. But I see two issues with that.

1. If I tell her, she will leave me. After I did it I realized how much I value her. I don't want to end things with her, I really think I love her. But it's hard loving someone that you've been dating for a year and only get to see and touch and smell for about 2 months of that year. More than that, i think the relationship has improved since then, at least for her. We've slowed down on the fighting.

2. If she finds out, she's going to be so hurt. I can't stand the thought of her being so hurt and crying because of something I've done. I miss her like crazy and I want to touch her and see her and just feel her presence next to me.

She's also done some sketchy things in our relationship, that others have judged as cheating but I've forgiven her for it. How ever she never admitted to anything. I don't know if she would forgive me for this.

I'd love to go, start my job, start a life with her, have our apartment and start new. I figure what you don't know, doesn't hurt you.

>>18208783
If you "love" her you wouldn't have the impulse to cheat even when angry. Also you've spent physically 2 months together? Having a real long term relationship when you're actually together is much much different and would really test your "love" for one another and it could end in horribly if your first impulse was to cheat.

>>18208928
She'll leave you because of what you did. That's a good reason to leave you, dude. That's why you feel guilty, because you know she should know.

>>18208928
Explain sketchy things and who are these people? The girl who slept with you knowing that you are in ldr?

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>>18208928
Wait she's done some sketchy stuff OP. If she's more admitting to anything she's either cheating or has a rash on her penis. All jokes aside if she's hiding stuff she might have had a time of "weakness" like you stated and done the exact same thing. You shouldn't be so quick to forgive and forget because she could be fucking another behind your back.

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>>18208928
>She's also done some sketchy things in our relationship, that others have judged as cheating but I've forgiven her for it. How ever she never admitted to anything.
lol sounds like you both cheated and the relationship won't last very long. It's doomed, OP. Start looking for someone you actually care about and that cares about you. Stop this sham.

OP again.

Look guys, I know she should leave me. I know I'm a terrible, impulsive, liar for what I've done. I get it. I would've never cheated if we were together. However, I'm really not going to tell her. Unless someone in this thread can convince me it would make me and my girlfriend happier, I'm not going to do it.

If any anon is interested to know what happened in the past that I think is cheating (or where cheating might have occurred), I'll tell the story. If I can forgive that, I wonder if she'll forgive what I did. However I'll let the anons decide that.

>>18208954
Just post the damn story...

>>18208954
If you both cheated she isn't wife material and you aren't ready for a real relationship.

>>18208918
I believe that if you are capable of cheating once you are a slut and won't change. Either a relationship isn't something important for you or you are okay with fucking up important things - either way you should not get in relationships anymore

>>18208954
It will make her happier.

You don't want to hurt her. I get that. But you know she would leave you if you knew. You Re lying to her every day.

She WILL find out, eventually. Especially if there's a chance she and this girl know some of the same people.

If you tell her, it will hurt her. But since she's going to find out eventually, she's getting hurt. The question is how much.

Tell her now, she either forgives you or breaks up. She's hurt, but she'll get over it (and so will you). But what's your endgame? Get engaged or married, she finds out, and is completely devastated?

You came to /adv/ and said the guilt and shame is killing you. The way to stop that is to confess. Your solution of not doing that isn't a solution, you'll still feel as guilty. Why did you even start this thread?

Alright anons. sketchy story incoming. Give me a sec to type it up.

>>18208976 how does this shit work?

>>18208976
Don't put your own analysis into the story, please.

>>18208988
Have you been listening to this guy? He can't be objective about this. He's totally selfish.

>>18208990
Yeah, I know. He's a typical cheater. But just give us the facts as a short list. There's no point in making the story biased, because we'll know.

(1/2) So here's the entire unbiased story.

First of all a little background on the gf. She's a really free spirited kind of person. She use to be a huuuuuuuuge partier. She's done literally every drug except heroin. That includes meth (once), a fuck ton of hallucinogens, and indigenous plants in her country. She's hitchhiked across her country in semis. She tells me she's only slept with 8 guys and I don't know if that's true. Normally drugs and sex go hand in hand (to me at least, and the extent of her drug use who knows what else she's done).

Anyway. So, for the first 4-5 months of the relationship I didn't know much about her job. Just that she worked in an office somewhere. So, one day she calls me and says she's so excited because her company is flying her and a coworker out to this resort city (aka spring break spot for a lot of people. Drugs and booze are abundant) for a conference related to her job. I didn't want to be all suspicious and untrusting and ask her a bunch of questions so I didn't say anything and told her to have a nice time.

>>18208929
>loving someone means you never make mistakes and shitty decisions

You're welcome to join us in the real world any time you want.

(2/2)on the first night she says she's going to a club with her coworker. So she goes to the club and we text till about 3am. At which point she stops replying. I text her again and all of messages deliver, so I know her phone is on. She wakes up and says "oh I'm sorry my phone died". That didn't make any sense but again, I let it go. Later that night, she says she driving back to her hotel in a mustang that her coworker rented. At which point I stop and say "so wait, are you guys staying in the same room?". I saw that she was still online (whatsapp) and hesitated to answer. So finally she admits that she is and I just lose my shit. I told her we were done and she just seemed to not care. I call her when she gets back and as I'm talking to her she's putting on her make up and says she can't talk for long because she's getting ready to leave. Which further pissed me off. So I ignore her for the rest of the night and wake up to about 20 missed calls and texts. She starts saying it's not what I think, that her coworker is really her cousin. I call bullshit and come to find out he's like her second cousins new husbands son or some shit. So they're super distant cousins by marriage. Her excuse for not telling me this before was because she didn't want me to know that the company she worked for was owned by her uncle and she worked for her family. I guess she wanted me to think she was successful. anyway, I forgave her after she cried and said she never did anything with him because they're "cousins". Anyway, she only went to the conference one day out of the 4 days she was there. This all happened about month before she came to my country last. I've had huge trust issues since then.

And that's the story. What does anon think happened?

>>18209017
>here's the entire unbiased story

>but before that here's information you don't need that makes her look bad

Tone it down, dude

>>18209000
Oh please, explain to me what a "typical" cheater is. I really would like to know what that means.

>>18209026
I had to give background on her to give the full story. I'm already the bad guy here and all of you are just going to assume she's right and I'm wrong to begin with.

>>18209035
Oh no, I'm sure she cheated on you too.

But no, the background you gave wasn't necessary for the story you told.

>>18209022
I think it doesn't matter, you already said you forgave her.

>>18209039
If it's unnecessary than so be it. I felt it was important because (to me) it shows how free she is, and how she is willing to try anything. For me, if you don't say know to meth at a party, will you say no to cheat on your boyfriend whenever another guy offers to pay for an all included trip in a resort city?

>>18209041
I told the story so anons could judge if she would possibly forgive me as I forgave her. Pay attention

>>18209046
You shouldn't tell her, so it doesn't matter.

>>18209031
>Oh please, explain to me what a "typical" cheater is.
They always stress the situation that made them cheat. At least OP is not making himself to be the victim in this, which I appreciate.

>>18209017
>>18209022
Not unbiased at all, OP, but good try. The drug part only gave out your opinions on drug use and doesn't help in solving the "case" here. Only thing I'm sure of is there's no trust between you two. And it's been, what, 1 year now? That's usually nearing the critical point where you know if you really want to try the relationship. But even if she cheated on you then you're tied, am I not right? What do you even see in this relationship, OP? I think she's just so hot?

>>18209060
Look, I didn't put an analysis of events in the story. I said what happened, just as it happened. To me, knowing how open and free a person is, is a good indication of choices they may make.

Let's not get this thread derailed.

1. Does /adv/ think I should admit what I did, or just carry on and try to make things better?

2. Does /adv/ think she cheated on me?

To the jaded anons who have nothing else to say besides that I'm a typical cheater and looking for any reason to call me this that and the other, give it a rest. I already know

>>18209076
1. Things won't get better if you admitted or not. But that's not really what youre asking here. You just want to know if you can just not admit it to her and continue as usual.

2. Yes, she cheated on you, but that only makes it even more moronic to continue this relationship.

I would never be with someone who cheated on anyone, because there's absolutely no good reason to do that ever and it only reveals the selfish nature of those who do.

>>18209076
Read the thread. Adv already told you, a lot, that you should admit what you did and that she cheated on you previously.


Moreover, its clear you think she cheated on you.

>>18208908
>Everyone is there to call her a whore and to leave, but when a "fellow bro" cheats everyone just tells him to cover his tracks.
That's not really true, dude.

I'm not gonna argue that /adv/ is tougher on women who cheat, it is, but dudes who cheat still routinely get told to kill themselves in creative ways. /adv/ really does not like cheaters of either gender.

>>18209184
So, if she cheated then shouldn't we be even? I realize people fuck up, and being away from each other for so long is hard. That's why I forgave her and choose to pretend that she didn't cheat on me. Can't I do the same for myself?

>>18209218
No, in order for you to be even she'd have to forgive you for cheating. You forgiving yourself and never telling her is not the same thing at all.

>>18209218
What are you, a fucking five year old? When you do something shitty to somebody else who also did something shitty to you, they don't cancel each other out, you're just two shitty people.

If your girlfriend cheats and you choose to stay with her, that doesn't make it any less shitty when you cheat on her. It doesn't give you a "freebie." There's no karmic scale that gets balanced. Your obligation to be decent and faithful to your partner is a constant, regardless of whatever horrible things she does, until and unless you decide to end the relationship (which is what you really should have done back then, but whatever, not my life).

Do what you want -- you were already going to regardless of whatever I said -- but don't kid yourself that this makes your fuckup any more OK than it otherwise would have been.