"Turning It Off"

>>18208664
(con't)

Fast forward to election day. I've made no apologies about being very pro-gun, so I refused to vote for Clinton, but at the same time, I could not justify voting for Trump knowing Pence's history. I voted 3rd party and encouraged others to do the same because I felt it split the difference between our self-interests (and our votes didn't really matter much anyway lol Texas).

Then Trump won and immediately everyone started cutting me out of the social circle I was in. I started being told that I valued my "pew pew penis extenders" more than their "right to LIFE". I laid out a detailed explanation about my values and the logic behind my actions, but they flatly rejected my explanation and called me a "selfish white knighting piece of garbage." I suddenly found myself with no contact with any of the people I had considered a second family for years, and a couple of secondary friends who I'm all but certain are spying on me to feed back "did you hear what he said now" gossip to the main group (I keep them as "friends" because information flows both ways and I can tell when they're vagueposting about me). And of course, they're re-rallying around the same abusive asshole who was the first to treat me like shit.

>>18208667
(con't, final)

I got mad. I felt incredibly betrayed, especially when my explanation of my values and priorities was basically given a "fuck you, liar" to my face. I'm still mad. I wake up on occasion with my fists clenched. One time I woke up yelling "YOU FUCKING TRAITOR" for no apparent reason. If I'm in my car for extended periods of time my train of thought goes back to this disaster and I find myself teeth-grittingly furious. I feel like everything about the person I worked to become - the "better me" - not only wasn't good enough, but that the people I truly cared about didn't consider that persona legitimate.

Worse yet, I can't find anyone to talk to about it because the only people left in my life are the far right types who I wanted to distance myself from in the first place, and because being a gun hobbyist basically means I can never admit to being mad - even when justified - or people just treat you as even more of a pariah. I've tried asking some of the people in the group "hey, what do I need to work on" and just get ignored. I'm now constantly on edge and hostile to strangers and I know I shouldn't be. My mom tells me I need to learn to just "turn it off" and relax but I have no idea how to anymore. I feel like I've been robbed of the only real group of friends I've ever had and I don't know how to move forward. I'm not social; I work from home and these people were the sole method of meeting new people that I've had for the last 6 years, so on top of that I feel like I've been effectively socially isolated from not just finding new friends but any potential romantic partners too. I'm 27, I don't have time to rebuild my whole fucking social life from scratch anymore.

What the fuck is my problem? How the fuck am I supposed to deal? Why am I still pissed off when there's nothing I can do anymore and I fucking know it?

Sounds to me like your situation can be solved by burning every bridge you have left with those people (why do you even need information on them if it only hurts you ?) and try to meet new people. I suggest trying to focus on a particular hobby of yours for the time being and try to socialize based on that, you'll have a higher likelihood of finding people you can sympathize with.

These people you talk about seem to have made up their minds about you and nothing positive for yourself can be gained by persisting in keeping them around you, even filtered through another group of acquaintances.

You say you're not "social", I think that is part of your problem. You talk about these people not like they were genuine friends but like they were the only people you could find that you could hang around with at minimal effort on your part. I think you'll have to make some real efforts into putting yourself out there and meeting new people, it'll help you cope.

About your anger, try to use that energy for something else, like working out. It's very hard to be angry when you're busy or tired.

>>18208671
That's what happens when you bring politics or religion into friendships. Some political talk here and there is good but as much as it has seeped through in your friendships you were programmed to argue with people. You can be friends with basically anyone as long as you keep the religious and political talk out. Also, don't hang out with mentally ill people.

>>18208682
>why do you even need information on them if it only hurts you ?
Probably should've mentioned it, but the guy who helped me out knows a personal secret of mine that could, left unchecked, cripple me socially even more severely than he already has. I don't think he cares enough to do it, luckily, but I do need to keep an ear to the ground in order to start denial early and often. My ex is actually helping me in this matter, though I had to tell her to stop for a bit this weekend because she kept sending me updates on what they were doing at Anime Matsuri while I was busy alternating between Titanfall 2 and burning bridges with my libertarian/right-wing "friends" over other things and it was becoming a bit too much.

I don't really have too many hobbies, but those I have I've been doubling down on. Before this happened, I considered my hobbies to be history, shooting, and cosplay. The complete failure of my social circle basically means it's now too expensive for me to go to cons except on rare occasion, which is where I also did 90% of my socialization. I've been shooting a LOT more lately in my free time, but man, I honestly just really hate most "gun people" and telling people "yeah I've been coping by focusing my anger into improving my marksmanship" sets off a million red flags with people for obvious reasons.

I've been trying to get more involved with local museum events lately, but more often than not I'm the youngest person at them by about 20-30 years. Basically, my other hobbies and social "outlets" are total dead ends, and that's part of what's so frustrating. I feel like I put in a ton of effort just to make those friends - I basically begged them to let me help them with things like moving or anything of the sort just to prove I was reliable - and I don't know if I can replicate that.

>>18208712

If you're into cosplay but can't go to cons alone, have you tried socializing on cosplay-centric forums or places you're likely to find people planning to go to cons ? I've planned a fair share of group cosplays with total strangers on those kind of websites and planned group housing / travel, that kind of stuff. They're usually pretty welcoming as long as you're being friendly and open.

It sounds like those cons are your best bet to meet new people, and you shouldn't ignore the fact that there are a lot of internet places where people that plan to go to them gather. Put yourself out there and you'll meet people, I even got a girlfriend I stayed with for two years on one of these websites.

>>18208719
Sort of? It's kinda off putting though; I'm both highly risk averse and oscillate between "I'm too good for this immature bullshit" and "these people are way too well put together to have me around" when it comes to dealing with con groups. I don't trust people to pull their weight or not be shitty humans sight unseen.

Even if that works out, it still doesn't address the issue of how I can stop being a perpetually pissed off, spiteful person at this point. If anything I worry going to cons will just exacerbate the issue since it puts me back in close proximity to these people.

>>18208760
Not him. But what I usually do is stop the train of thought before it gets worst. Whenever I find myself thinking about something I shouldn't, I stop and think about something else. At first it's hard because you find yourself immediately coming back to it but once you get used to it, it becomes natural and you stop thinking about it eventually. I stopped cringing at my old self and stopped getting mad when ai remember my ex this way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KSBEChzpMM :)