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how do I stop being socially inept?
like...I have a few friends but I have problems meeting new people. The friends I have now are from highschool...not that that's necessarily a bad thing, they're great dudes and my best friends but they're able to go somewhere and meet people whereas I'm not.
For example, friend A: moved to China for work after he completed uni. Awesome, stoked for him. He's got a group of people that he hangs out with over there. They take trips and go get drunk and all that cool stuff.
Friend B: works in the culinary industry. Seems to meet new people all the time, not just through work either. He still lives in our hometown but he's made more friends since we've lived there.
Friend C: moved to another city for some extra school after uni. Meets new people through school obviously.
Now me: currently in school, have not made any more friends. Luckily I'm living with someone I knew from back home or else I'd be worried I'd never have any social contact. I find it very hard to talk to people in group situations like in class. Even when I go out somewhere with roommate, like if he takes me out to a party or something I usually end up hanging out with him most of the night.
I just...I donno, I'm kind of at a loss as to how to improve. Like, the previously mentioned friends I have seem to like me. They include me in plans (getting together over the summer for example) and put it an effort to keep communication with me, so I must be doing something right with those dudes.
For what it's worth I'm 25 and in a college program where most people are around that age. Why do I find it so hard to meet new people now?
any advice here? anyone else been in a similar situation? it feels like I once had the ability to meet and bond with people but have lost it.
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>>18203849
So what exactly are you asking here? Because you ask how to be less socially inept, but most of the details you relate make it sound like you want to meet new people.
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>>18203849
Because of a lot of neurological reasons many people will make friends in high school with certain ease. Even if they were anti-social or shy before this kind of age. But this thing only lasts till 18 years average. You may have had trouble to befriend someone when you were a child and may have thought when you made friends in High School that you woulds easily make friends from that point on, but sorry, it won't happen.
It will be difficult to make friends again at this age, but not impossible, you just have to tune in to the needs and modus operandi of people at this age. You will have to care more about first impressions, you will have to be less nonchalant, you will have to think of these new friendships in a business way, since that's what everyone are thinking in this age.
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bumping because same situation
>18 yr old grill
>not ugly or anything
>used to be model for abercrombie
>attractive but literal social autism
>one friend
>all we do is smoke and watch anime together
>she's moving away in august, so am i
>have had boyfriends before but the one i really liked ended up having schizophrenia
>nobody to talk to besides parents
>parents even make fun of me and my depression by calling me lazy and shit
>still going to local college with decent grades
>no friends, drink frequently on weekends to avoid pain of genetic depression and isolation
i don't know what the fuck to do. i have such a specific odd personality that is only compatible with a small amount of people. if i continue at this rate i'll hang myself within 3 years. i'm so fucking stupid it hurts
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>>18204013
From my experience with autistic girls, they are very different from boys. I think girls are more impulsive, and very erratic. Also they are very easy targets for manipulative men. Other thing is that they usually upset a lot more their friends. But at least they have better social skills.
I recommend going to a good psychiatrist.
Other advise I can say is that social interactions can be learned, you just have to study it and care to watch more the details in people around you and their actions. It's a very complicated work, and may take years, but with at least a year you can see results, if done correctly.
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>>18203960
Source?
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>>18203960
Guess I should just kill myself then. Nothing's ever going to get better.
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>>18204080
I'm a med student, but don't take it as pure scientific stuff. This is /adv/ not /sci/.
About the easiness to make friends at high school, it's because of mirror-neurons (but not solo), since they make you copy your friends and important figures, so your interactions are more sync'd and it influences in you bond with them and it goes both ways.
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>>18204097
I befriended some guy that was a total social inept. I gave him some counseling. He is pretty much happy (and with friends) by now. He even grew up to have a strong(ish) personality, so much that he cut relations with me because of growing tired of me. lol I'm happy for him now.
Also, you don't have to be the most social person in the world. you just have to be happy. Work your way till there, take some necessary sacrifices and you will get what you want. A friend or two may make you more happy then dozens of friends. Look for the right people.
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>>18204097
haha you big baby.
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>>18203888
are they not both the same?
>>18203960
wait really?
>>18204013
if you're in ottawa we can hang out
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I'm in the same spot. Honestly dude, all we can do is cast our net out and hope for the best. Meet as many new people as you can, look for similarities, keep in touch.
Find a club of something that you enjoy, be it at your school or in your neighbourhood and meet like-minded people.
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